


2313

by bright73



Category: Young Riders
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Future Fic, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-08-17
Updated: 2001-09-17
Packaged: 2017-10-21 11:59:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 47
Words: 209,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bright73/pseuds/bright73
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A new Era.<br/>A new Frontier.<br/>A new Beginning.</p><p>Pioneers set out to reconquer the healing earth. Secrets unfold and sinister plans unravel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Co-written with Becca and Dana.
> 
> Neologisms:  
>  _EA_ \- Ear-arch, the future of communication. a device you command with thoughts, verbal orders or eye movements. Can send you pics and text, along with voice messages. Also enables you to have silent, thought-beared conversations.  
>  **AMD** \- automatic moving device, a much debated system for transporting. Works with constructed weightlessness at ultrasonic speed.  
>  **HuRec** \- Organization for the Reconstruction of Human life. Strat (Strategical core) - group of Officials in charge. a group of scientist trying to dissolve what went wrong in the late 2100. When people started becoming sterile (happens already) due to PBC's and other polymeres together with increasing pollution and pesticides. The catastrophe was a fact in the 2200, when overpopulation seemed like a wish come through. 90% of humanity had by that time been eradicated, so had most of all wildlife and micro-organisms.  
>  **GE** \- GenomeEngineer  
>  **ME** \- Mitochondric Engineer, the gene's in the mitochondria, the energy maschine in our cells are unaltered from generetation to generation. Only spontaneous mutations may occur. This genome is inherited from the female only, intact throughout generations. It is acclaimed that all living human's of today are from seven different females. This is a fact, or so they say.  
>  **CA** \- Cybernetic anthropoligist  
>  **Cafs** \- caffeinesurrogate  
>  **TRC** \- Taskforce Resource Coordinator  
>  **RCF** \- Renewable CoalFiber, no tree's to make cellulosa of exists any longer.  
>  **MrDAD** \- Mitochondric Restore Device and Developer. Affectionately called Mister Dad.  
>  **GMB** \- Genometric Branches - a stirpe of common genomes or GC-TA patterns.  
>  **Cupola** \- Cities embedded in protective layers against the violent atmospheric changes that occurred in 2100. The protective layers shielding from outer hazards like UV-C rays reaching the atmosphere due to destruction of the natural ozone layer  
>  **SRE** \- Sectional Radiation Encrypter. Each prime-materia has it's own low-rate radiation. This equipment allows you to search sections of living materia for genetic codes and structure.  
>  **Noppo** \- no paper print out  
>  **WiLRa** \- Wild Life Restauration attendant. Deals with analyzing system requirements for successful allocation and procreation of mammal wildlife.  
>  **Pedway** \- Pedestrian's walkway, for the few that actually still walked.  
> CaNuR - Cattle Nutrient replacement, a synthetic composition that replaces hay, corn or oat. Mostly composed of amino-acids and fibers, papery in it's texture  
>  **Protor** \- Protection-organizing officer of recruits.  
>  **SeCad** \- Security Attendant, deals with the team's outer and inner security issues.  
>  **EcoM** -Eco-medicine, a new science established in the late 2050ies. Deals with the interaction between biology/culture/ecology/medicine  
>  **ComDE** \- Communication Device Engineer  
>  **MCD** \- Mental Commemoration Device, recalls your memories perfecty and can enchance your thoughts into actual virtual happenings and pictures. Used with the EA.  
>  **DNA-S** \- DNA signature  
>  **MeGlu** \- Melted glucose, often flavored. Boosts your bloodsugar directly. Used like todays lollipos, the 2300. people loved being litteral in their language use.  
>  **GeFa** \- The generation born after 2261 AC. Cloned without their knowledge. A massive longitudinal research project.

  


Prologue

  


 

She sighed as she turned her head to read the message she had been sent, the EA vibrating so furiously she couldn't shake it off. When it didn't react to her mental commands, she knew it was important. Tiredly she turned her eyes to the blank screen wall: **Urgent meeting, room 2A1, now!**

That was all it said, nothing else. She sighed deeply, she knew what this meant. Another futurology discussion, leading nowhere. A total waste of time. Irritated she blinked at the device in front of her, shutting it off. In the same instance, she removed the EA and rose. She needed to be left in peace, she needed time to think. Instead of using the AMD, she started walking. She loved moving around and had little understanding for the AMDers. "Serves them right to fall apart at 80," she muttered with a grin. "Brittle-boned bastards!

Wearily she walked along the well-lighted corridor, the surroundings were buzzing with activity, most of them dead-end endeavors, she gathered as she nodded her head at the by-passers smiling at her. _God, what a waste of time this is,_ she though as she paused in front of 2A1. She didn't even realize she had given the device order to open before it bowed itself inwards, showing her the way to thread.

A colleague, the sociology historian, grinned at her when she stepped inside. She threw him a leer herself, at least they were both on the same side. The elderly woman leading the strategic team of HuRec shook her head at the sight of the newcomer. "Well good day to you, glad to see you in such a good mood today. You developmental psychologist's always brightens the day with your cheerfulness."

Not bothering to answer the sarcasm, she just grunted and seated herself on the first free chair she got in sight. A mug of steaming cafs was put before her and she smiled at the assistant - finally one that did an honest days work! The sociologist at her side burst out in laughter and she threw him a murdering glance, the man was getting to know her all too well. The sourpuss of a GE looked sternly at them both, fatherly-like, telling them to behave. She had to severely repress her impulse to give him the finger. A warning sound from the ME stopped her from expressing her thoughts in public.

The rest of the team started to drop in, a distinct curse from the door diverted her attention, the CA that stepped in was dropping his pens. _A truly old-fashioned thing that one,_ she thought to herself. _Not polluting the brain with sick ideas he says, what a hopeless case._ Pens went out a hundred years ago, together with the traditional paper. To scribble on RCF was not the same. She had tried to write on paper at the Museum a long time ago, and the feeling was just not the same with the new material. From where he provided the paper was an enigma to them all, word was that he produced it himself, using his old socks and underwear. Word was that he'd walk the suburbs to gather all fibers he found from the inhabitants. The true pride of the group.

The TRC coughed to get attention.

She closed her eyes in desperation, awaiting to hear the same bad news as ever. Human race was getting extinct and all efforts to stop the spiral had been futile. All they had done 200 years ago, the re-atmosphering of Mars, the strive to stop growth of the population seemed like a joke right now. Humans had reached their goal, they were currently only 10 percent left of the 20 billions they had reached at their peak. No need to colonize Mars any longer, now they had to keep earth populated. She was sad, yes, but truth be told, it was nobody's fault but their own.

"Ok HuRec's, no need to get onto the bad news right? We all know about them by now. That's why I called you so urgently to attend this meeting. I finally have good news, real good news."

The TRC looked around the table as 14 pairs of eyes popped open, smugly she smiled at her pessimistic crowd. She was going to blow their minds out with the news. The CA lookedd only slightly awake, the GE and the ME barely awake. Oh, she would wake them up all right. The psych looking at her with skepticism and the rest of her group only mildly interested. The elderly woman had a hard time stopping herself from giggling, the next half hour or so would change a lot in these folks sitting here, sipping cafs.

"Remember this?" She said and looked at the screenwall, letting the rest see the pic they had stared at so many years ago, wondering and pondering. The pic that had given her the idea.

The pic was from 1861, a wedding. A beautiful bride and a handsome groom. Surrounded by friends.

The rest of the team looked confused, most of them had no recollection of the pic. It was a nice historical memento but what else? The work had taken her 30 years and many of the HuRec's were new, not new enough to be inspired or enthusiastic like they were when they signed on. But young enough not to ever have seen the image she was now showing them. The psych and the sociologist looked at each other, wondering.

The TRC smiled even broader. Nope, this congregation had no idea what was coming.

"There's Wild Bill Hickok." She focused in on the long-haired man at the groom's side, "and William F Cody." She glanced around the room again, awaiting for some reactions. A gleam of curiosity altered momentarily the facial expressions on a few of them. Nope, they hadn't caught on yet, except maybe for the ME?  
"This is Aloysious, called Teaspoon, Hunter, their boss." She fell silent to gather herself before she finally verbalized her success. "I never told you this before because my suggestion was outvoted, but I did some work, some damned hard and difficult work I might add. I found a document in a private Museum that had been held by the three gentlemen I just named. It must have been a warm day because their hands were moist and they left some pretty darn good traces of themselves on that paper. So, without dragging you on, 20 years ago this man was born." She flashed a picture up on the wall. A small male child was envisioned. "And this is him today." Another picture was visualized and fourteen chairs scrambled against the floor as they all stood up to see the image of a young Teaspoon Hunter. Only the developmental Psychologist sat back, watching her colleague intently, expecting to hear if what she hoped had finally come true.

"No, he's not sterile, he can actually father children!"

The crowd was dumbstruck.

"And today she was born, meet Rachel Dunne. Reconstructed from her family's mitochondric line. Thanks goes to our splendid psych who made an excellent chart of her genome's psychological trajectory." The TRC grinned at the young woman in the chair. She was looking back at her, almost teary-eyed. The work she had done, without even knowing why, had enable them to see this wonder of a 1900-century woman brought back to life. "And she's bearing a fresh genome, a genome that's never been tampered with. A return to the past before all went wrong. This is it. This is the way to go!"

The stunned silence in the room had the TRC continue. "This is Buck Cross, genome restored, to be born in 8 years time. Hickok in 9 and Cody in 12. This all made possible through the work of you all and the development of the MRDaD. We will be starting to bring these people, and all others we get a trace of, back into life.

The crowd was still silent, unbelieving, yes - even skeptical.

"I know what you're thinking. We've taken this road before. But we made one huge mistake back then, we took people from our immediate past. Humans already affected by the tampered genomes. We took a shortcut because it was the easiest way. We have to go back, far back to when nature had its course and not the technology. We have learned that, but now it's time to accept it. Teaspoon Hunter shows no effect of the late 2000 ailments or syndromes. He is fresh and functional. This couple - zooming in on the bride and groom - still has relatives up to this day. Few, very few. But they are still with us when so many other GMB's have died out. These two can be restored too and very well, thanks to the findings of her," - flash on the bride - "diary. A diary that even he held and left his traces on." The groom in focus. "In the same diary, handed down from generation to generation, thank God there's still some left with family-values." A short meaningful grin passed over the TRC's face. "We found a playing card that was touched by two males, him," flash on the tall African man in the back of the old photo. "And another which is not in this picture and whose name we can only guess was Ike McSwain, and that from the entries in the diary. There was also a blue ribbon that revealed two more individual's, not on the picture and not known to us yet, only the genome. The male was born 4 years ago, fertile and the woman one year ago. All of them fine."

The silence in the room was accentuated by the quickened breaths of the congregation. The adrenaline was at its peak as she presented her well-kept secret.

"All these people, and all we could find the smallest of trace of, will be reborn in their due time. Starting from Teaspoon Hunter, in what we call year zero. We have them born into families which carries their names - you all know the fighting that goes on for fresh clones. Only way to avoid it was assigning the clones to their family namesakes. The problem is him, he's not mentioned anywhere except as The Kid. Since he married Louise McCloud we assigned him to a McCloud family too, far away from Louise's. The families are not from the same GMB and does not share any history. They will be born one year apart. And as you've already figured this is not only about restoring the genome. This is also a unique opportunity to test a multitude of different hypotheses, like nature/nurture, fate of the individual and so on. We'll just sit back and watch if we can actually remake history. And all I can say is that I'm gonna enjoy it!" Smiling at the crowd before her, she raised her head, this was the dawning of a new hope for the humanity. And they had made it.

In silence the group rose and the applause that spread through the room drove tears to the TRC's eyes.

 

  


Chapter 1

  


 

Louise McCloud stared into the microscope, her heart pounding in her chest as she witnessed the rapid growth of the ancient bacteria they had been cultivating for so long. Without ever getting the expected results. The bacteria was growing all right, multiplying, but very slowly and always only up to a point. When it reached a certain population per cubic-cm it died out, only a few strains seemed to survive. And then they had to restart everything again, slowly trying to modulate the ambient, shutting down the CO2 to it's minimum, waiting and seeing. Increasing the CO2-level, and more waiting. There was so little room to play in, the atmosphere outside had its own limits, and they had to stay within them in order to get the bacteria to multiply outside. In the brave new world they had been carefully trying to let develop outside the cupolas. They had been elaborating the nutrient, the ambiance, the genes, everything. Until yesterday when Philip in his deep frustration went all the way to the outer limits of the cupola, opening the gateway, he had thrown the latest cultivation out onto the grass. The grass they weren't supposed to thread, ever. In the early morning hours Louise had snuck out to get the dying bacteria back, she somehow felt oddly responsible for it. It wasn't until she put the glass back under the microscope to see if any of her protégée had made it, she realized the bacteria had not only survived, it thrived!

"Oh brother," She exhaled jerkily as the tiny spirals under her eyes busted with energy, multiplying rapidly. Producing vitamin-K, natural vitamin-K, the elixir they had been trying to naturalize for 2 years. Ever since she was assigned to this Biotech-lab in the Mideast cupola, this was what she had been doing. "Oh brother!" She repeated, not able to divert her eyes from the beautiful sight.

"Lou?"

"Huh?" she replied without even glancing at the speaker, she knew full well who it was. Celinda was totally unaware about what a break-trough this was. Her voice was toneless, sounding disinterested.

"Oh brother," Lou said for the third time.

"Something wrong?"

"Look!"

Celinda threw her a tired glance when Lou finally jerked her eyes from the spectacles. "Just look!"

Lou had to sit down, her legs were shaking and her palms were sweaty. This was the best thing that had ever happened in this lab, and she was there to witness it.

"Oh brother!" Celinda echoed.

The EA called for Lou's attention, it had to buzz her three times before she lifted her eyes and let the message enter. When HuRec's official sign appeared, Lou closed her eyes to gather herself. If she had been let down today it wouldn't matter, she had been part of molding the future anyway. If she hadn't been approved for the task force today, she wouldn't mind. She had breathed fresh air and she had seen the result of their hard work. Whatever HuRec had decided, she was ready.

"Louise McCloud?"

She opened her eyes and an officer of the HuRec appeared on the screen in front of her. He was smiling and Lou felt her heart pound anew. When their eyes met over the distance, the man's smile widened. "Congratulations, you're a member of the 41st HuRec task force, headed out in two weeks. Destination, the old state of Nebraska, former US-territory."

Lou was dumbstruck.

"I'll give you a day to think it over, we've discussed the perils of the mission. If you accept, I expect you at the Physicians Center at HuRec tomorrow, 900 sharp."

Lou's lips moved but not a sound came out. And she knew that the man on the other side couldn't possibly catch her thoughts as they flew around in her brain, bouncing off each other. Mingling into a thousand pictures and fragments of what was to come. With an amused smirk, the Officer shut down the connection. Lou remain staring into the blank screen, not one straight thought in her still whirling mind.

Lou noticed Celinda handing her a tray of prepared sections for sequencing. Automatically she switched on the SRE, moves she had so well imprinted in her body that her mind didn't actually have to follow. _Out to the free, feeling the wind, all those smells you've only read about. Rain! Dew in the morning. Sand beneath your feet and wind in your face. It's actually happening Lou, it's really happening. You're going out!  
_  
Celinda rushed over to the SRE and pushed Lou to the side, muttering at the strange daze her colleague seemed to have drifted into. It wasn't like Lou but she had no time to ponder on the behavior right now. She had history to write. And yes they did, that day, on the 11th of April 2313 their team found the answer to a whole lot of questions. One tiny mutation, brought on by life in the open had altered the course of the dying bacteria. It had sprung to life, producing the vitamin that would save a whole lot of human, and animal, lives.

"Oh Lou, we have one answer, we really do. I think we can finally start wandering freely out into the open, this was one big step on the road." Looking at the noppo, she had to moderate her breathing not to hyperventilate and faint. "Lou, it's ready for trial implants. We did it!"

Lou stood leaned up against the counter, a silly smile on her face, where her mind was, Celinda had no idea. "Lou?"

"Huh?"

"All it took was a T-T-A sequence in the third chromosome, that's all it took!"

"Oh yes," Lou answered, still looking totally out of it.

"Lou?" Celinda placed an elbow in the waist of her colleague, waking her up, returning her to this lab from wherever she was right now.

Lou turned to her. "Oh so what did you find out?"

Celinda wrinkled her nose at the question, what had she been explaining for the last five minutes? "I told you, the third chro..."

Suddenly Lou burst out; "They picked me, Celinda, they picked me! I'm going out with team 41, I'm going out there!" She felt like screaming, like exploding of triumph. Her colleague's mouth fell open.

"You're going too?"

"Yeahyeahyeah," Lou squealed and performed a dance on the floor. "You bet your ass I'm goin', it's bye-bye ol' stuffed lab and hello brave new world."

"Lou!" Celinda's arms enfolded her neck, squeezing the air out of Lou. "My brother's on that team. You're going with Jimmy and the Monk!"

Lou coughed violently and freed herself from the hold. She's heard a lot about Jimmy from Celinda, not all good things, to be truthful. But the Monk? Who the hell was the Monk?

"The Monk?" Lou asked the grinning colleague. "They're sending a monk? To do what, start a monastery? What the hell do we need a monk for?"

Celinda bent over double at Lou's disgusted face; "No, see - he's called the monk! Dates rarely, seems straight but nobody's exactly sure. Good-looking, they say, but God how reserved. Aren't you two kin? Kid you know, John 'The Kid' McCloud?"

"Never heard about him! Not one of ours, I assure you. 'The monk', jeez what kind of company are they sending out?"

"He's a vet, specialized in general veterinarian medicine and has a degree in ecomedicine too, a real WiLRa. He'll be coming to reinstate animal life. That's probably all the life he will ever procreate!" Hysterically giggling Celinda sank to her knees. "I mean one that doesn't do it with Doritha has to have something wrong with him, right? She practically begged him and the tale is he just walked away." Celinda had to wipe her tears at the thought. "That's the Monk all right," she panted.

Lou shook her head and extended an arm to help Celinda get to her feet. "Know what, bet you anything he's butt-ugly!"

Celinda laughed. "Let my pal Angeline have a date with your boyfriend? Up to that bet, girl?"

Lou rolled her eyes.

 

 

"Kid! Hey Kid!" Jimmy walked into the enormous stables at the end of the long pedway. Of course he was assigned to give this man the news. Since the vet always forgot to put on his EA, there were rarely other ways to communicate with this man than the old-fashioned audible verbalization technique. Irritated the hell outta Jimmy for the most part, in fact the whole man did. They always stood on opposite sides of any issue. Now he would be part of his, Jimmy's team. Of all the names that were likely to pop up, The Kid's did. "Of all the despicable softies left in this world they throw the worst one in my group, it just ain't fair!"

"Huh?"

Jimmy watched the man step outside the stall. He had a green cover-ups on, CaNuR in his hair. Been talking to his horses again, Jimmy gathered. "Why the hell don't you ever keep your EA on?" he growled in the Kid's direction.

"Somebody wanted something?" Kid asked calmly while rolling down his sleeves, not even looking at Jimmy.

The fact that the Kid showed nothing of the usual respect Jimmy was accustomed to, being a Protor with an excellent track record, made Jimmy mad. He was used to fear in people, that was when they usually needed him. But Kid wasn't showing any signs of the respect Jimmy felt he deserved, and worst thing was that Jimmy knew why too. He hated the fact that they seemed to cross paths so frequently. And now this! This young man looked at him like he was totally useless. "Put your goddam EA on right now!"

Kid looked at him calmly and turned to walk away.

"Okay then, actually it suits me just fine. Better that way."

"What are you rambling about, Jimmy? Been fighting again, ears humming, vision blurred? Or is this your usual delirious state?" Kid shot over his shoulder while he walked to the next stall.

 _So I've been in some fights, at least I'm not known as 'the monk',_ Jimmy thought. "HuRec's been trying to get your attention."

The transition from superior calm into nervous curiosity was instantaneous. The Kid turned back to him, waiting for him to spill the beans. Jimmy said nothing, they just stood there, glaring at each other.

"Why?" Kid finally asked, walking up to him.

Jimmy leered at him, finally he had gotten him under his thumb, and he loved squeezing just a little.

"James," Kid warned. "Spit it out or I'll forget my pledge of non violence and sweep the floor with you!"

"Just be at HuRec's Physician Center tomorrow at 11 central time and you'll know."

"You mean -?"

Jimmy nodded, "you and me both. Team 41, Nebraska."

"The same team?"

"Yup, life throws you strange deals don't it? I swear those psychs always screw up. One way or another."

"Crap, I was actually looking forward to this. Never thought I'd end up with you on my team."

"Your team, what'ya mean _your_ team?"

"I just meant the team -."

"You ain't calling the shots here, Kid." Jimmy wheezed at the man in front of him, the man who always thought he had all the answers, "just don't ever forget that." He walked away, leaving the Kid standing there. Glad to have gotten the final word. He had done what had been asked and reported the news, he didn't like it but he had done it. Maybe Kid would give up out in the free and return to his beloved stables. Jimmy could only hope he would. Fighting him was tiresome.

 

 

Noah Dixon sank back in his chair and stared at the wall, repeating the message he had gotten over and over again. But it seemed so true, the woman informing him to report at HuRec's seemed authentic. But if somebody was pulling a prank on him, he'd inoculate them forever from their needs. He willed the message to the beginning again.

"Noah Dixon, this is HuRec calling. You are among the chosen. Please report at HuRec's Physicians Center at 13 00 tomorrow. And no, being a physician yourself will not free you from the tests. You are going through them, just like everybody else! And you will be a member of team 41, destination - former Nebraska territory. Welcome."

Noah closed his eyes and leaned back, he would not let himself believe this. Not until tomorrow and the final confirmation, the final medical examination. Then he would believe, but only then. Noah opened his fists that had been clenched around the armrests. His palms were sweaty of excitement. A trembling smile formed on his lips. However he tried, he couldn't stop the sensation of adventure beyond anything mankind had seen since the colonization of the New World beginning in the late 1400. And he would be among them, the men and women re-inhabitating the planet they all destroyed in their ignorance so long ago. He had been given a new chance. And he for one would take it.

He went through the list of names once again.

 **Aloysius "Teaspoon" Hunter, anthropologist *2259 - TL**  
Oh, he would definitely call this one Teaspoon, what the hell kind of name was Aloysius?

 **Sam Cain, Technical reconstructionist/SolarEngineer *2275 - 2nd in command  
**  
 **Emma Shannon, bionutritionist/agronomist *2276**  
Well, hope she knows what she's getting into, it'll be hard keeping us all fit.

 **Rachel Dunne, behavioral scientist/CeTE *2279**  
What the hell is she doing there?

 **Noah Dixon, physician/chemist *2283**  
Oh yeah, that's me all right!

 **James B Hickok, protor/SecAD *2286**  
This poor bloke's parents had a real sick sense of humor!  
 **  
John "Kid" McCloud, vet.med/EcoM-WiRLa *2287**  
 **  
Buck Cross, geotracker, mineralogist *2287**

 **Ike McSwain, communicationsexpert/ComDE *2287**  
 **  
Louise "Lou" McCloud, microbiologist, ME *2288**  
 _Wonder what made them two marry at such an early age? Never heard about married people being allowed to enter a task force before? Maybe kin?_ Noah looked at the surnames and shrugged.  
 ****

 **William F Cody, Cultural historian/logger *2289**  
This last one he knew was a hoax, he chuckled at the thought of which of his friends had gotten this name into the messagesource. It was popular to give historical names to the Gen 0'ers, but this was ridiculous. Wild Bill Hickok and William Cody on his team? No way! He wondered which of his friends' were laughing their heads off at their ingenuity? But then, he'd have the last laugh, none of them had been chosen at this early stage. Reason enough for them to act out in jealousy. He'd forgive them their childish prank, they had all applied and only he was chosen. He'd miss them all, okay maybe not their occasional childish antics, but he'd miss them. He wondered what all these people were like?

 _Well, I'll see tomorrow won't I?_ He smiled as the MCD faded at his command, he'd meet all these people tomorrow and he couldn't wait too see William F. Cody and James B. Hickok, if either of them actually existed? This all would be a blast!

 

 

 _I, Buck Cross, solemnly give my word that, during my work for Humanity's Reconstruction, under no circumstances will I perform acts to endanger the well-being of any living creature I am set out to protect and reallocate.  
I will respect life in all forms and not intrude where intrusion will bear consequences I cannot control.  
I will treat my colleagues as equals, always and under every circumstance. I will not favor or disregard anyone of my colleagues, or myself, during the operation, I will set aside my own personal convictions and needs to work primarily for the common good.  
I pledge my allegiance to this endeavor. I do so willingly and with open mind and heart._

 _Midwestern Cupola (LI), HuRec Operational Section, April 12th, 2313,  
Buck Cross, DNA-S_

 

Buck threw a glance at his friend, wondering if this meant that they couldn't play backgammon together, without having to invite the whole team. Activating the EA, he called out to him. Ike smiled and responded; "What's up?" He did never talk if he was able to use the thought-beared EA-mode, communications expert as he was.

Buck chuckled. "Just wondering Ike, what's this all about? Not favor or disregard? Sounds like some rule that won't ever work when it comes to mankind. Does this mean that our private Backgammon tournament is over?"

"You're hoping coz' you're losin'! Don't worry, this is just a heap of mumbo jumbo, they're trying to dazzle us with grandiose words, as usual. Trust HuRec to do their best at joggling with your mind."

"I ain't losing, you're dreaming Ike, just been a slight drawback on my part."

"Three to six? Buck, ever since you looked to deep into those eyes you've been lost. Infatuation does strange things to you, Buck. I'd stay clear of it if I were you!"

"I went on two dates! A tad jealous are we?"

"You have two different socks on today, Buck."

Buck looked down on his feet and realized Ike was right. "I hate it when you do that!" Buck walked up to his friend and jerked the EA from behind his ear. "I hate when you do that, stay behind that EA, saying all those thing and denying it later. Man, you're the worst."

Ike laughed at his friend, Buck never could take it when he used the EA to taunt him mercilessly. "So how is Jennifer, ready to let you go?" Ike spoke in his low pleasant voice, chuckling at the thought of how easily Buck got irritated these days. Trust Buck to go fall in love and two weeks later get the word he was chosen. As usual Buck stood between two worlds, having a hard time choosing. This time it wasn't his Indian heritage that caused the ambivalence, but the girl.

"Readier than Em will ever be, I can assure you that!" Buck shot back, glaring at Ike for poking into his business. Ike just answered his outburst with a superior grin. Signing "yeah yeah" with his right hand, flapping it at his side. Ike, the communication expert had developed skills in many languages, including different sign languages. Due to the deafness of his mother, he too found it natural to sign instead of talking. Seemed more true than the words people spoke.

"Still comin', right?" Ike continued, watching Buck stare at the pledge on the wall. "Or are you gonna let yourself be domesticated?"

"I just don't like all these words, you know how I feel about it all. Words come cheap, but you know that already. I just sense that somewhere in those lines, there's trouble."

Ike turned to look at the text Buck projected on the screen. "There's always trouble, Buck."

"I can't stand people that study linguistics up close, they mark all my words!" Buck tried desperately to get the last word in the debate. Fearing that, as usual, Ike would.

"Go make your mark on Jennifer, I guess there'll be a lot of phoneme's expressed tonight." Ike waved his hand at Buck and placed the EA back behind his left ear. An amused smile on his face.

"I hate it when you talk shop!" Buck muttered in feigned disgust before turning to pay a last visit in a very long time to the one he loved expressing phoneme's along with. For a brief moment, he considered using the AMD, but needing the exercis,e he ran instead. Hardly able to wait for the moment he would be able to run like this, out in the free.

 

 

Sam Cain put his long legs up on the desk in front of him. Chewing on a cherry MeGlu, he let his EA do his thinking. The names on the list appeared with a pic attached. They were so very young most of them, he'd have a hard time keeping them in track out in the wilderness. He knew Teaspoon and wondered how his philosophical ramblings would be received by this bunch? He had been one of the many engaged in forming this group that would be sent out in one of the most demanding areas. All remains of civilizations long gone, roads, houses and infrastructures washed away by the violent climatological changes in the 2100, due to the greenhouse-effect. Fires, hailstorms and hurricanes of a magnitude that had never been seen before, efficiently destroyed all signs of humans ever inhabiting the area. The ozone layer finally cracking up had given way to the UV-C rays that finally burned all living entities with its fierceness. Almost all anyways. For the last fifty years, the permafrost on the poles had been stable, as had the atmosphere. Now it was time to get out again, and try to do it anew. Before the last human being closed the eyes in one of the well sheltered cupolas on this beautiful planet. Would they be able to do better this time?

Emma Shannon. He smiled, watching the picture of the lovely young woman. Her hair unruly. They had met on several occasions and Sam had a hard time keeping his thoughts on a tight leash. There was something about her that made his mind go in certain directions. A direction he couldn't go, due to his solemn oath to HuRec. But, truth be told, he was all but convinced he would be able to keep his word.

He looked again at the young ones in the group. Wondering what made them all leave loved ones behind to step into the harsh un-sheltered nature? What drove them?

Louise McCloud? A very young, merely 25 years old, beautiful woman. Known for her expertise in microbiology. Known to climb walls in her spare time, both proverbial and real walls. A fighter, known to be dependable under all circumstances. A true asset to the team.

Jimmy Hickok, the hothead. Sam knew why he had signed up, he loved adventure, he loved being the leader. He was the kind of man that frightened the living daylight out of many, namely those that wouldn't stay in line. Maybe because occasionally, he had stepped over the line himself? Jimmy would be irreplaceable, his experience, at least as much as you can gather in 27 years, and his personality would thrive in the wild. Facing harsh times and danger was what Jimmy lived for.

And Buck Cross, a native American descendant. Returning to his roots?

Ike McSwain, the communicator that rarely spoke with words. Sam had to smile, of course, when Ike spoke, what he said was of utmost importance. But his communication skills were not only restricted to the one between humans. He also read what nature communicated, and very well. Buck Cross and Ike McSwain would be their finely tuned sensors. Sensors that no technical equipment, even ever so refined, could compete with. Intuition had never been technically reproduced. Intuition was reserved to living entities.

Kid McCloud. The vet with the firm belief that equality was not an issue between humans only. He included the animals too. He claimed that the saying 'all man are created equal' was wrong. Stubbornly he stood by his beliefs. Regarding him it should say 'all life'. The likes of him were not accepted, regarded as revolutionists, prone to heresy. He would never have been chosen if he wasn't the reserved man he was. He never stood on the barricades, he worked in silence. Would he fit into the group? Sam studied the man closer. Handsome the women called him. Handsome and polite, but no girlfriends, not any stable ones, at least. There was something about him that Sam couldn't lay his finger on. He seemed the good average man, but still. Maybe it was just his notion about the animal rights that disturbed Sam, and he had to wonder if it would cause problems in the group? If Kid would truly protect his teammates in a situation where he had to choose between lives. If it ever came to that, which would he choose? The seriousness in the man's eyes calmed Sam, he was dependable, he wouldn't cause troubles. That would not be the case, Sam was sure about that. Maybe he was too serious? Would his reflective nature cause slower decision making processes? Sam knew reflecting instead of reacting would be dangerous out in the unshielded world, but then reflecting might also be safer than reacting on occasions. It was so hard to tell. And he didn't know the young man well enough to make assumptions, nobody knew the man well enough. Only time would tell if he was cut out for it or not.

Sam recalled the picture of young William Cody. Here was a man that was everything but reserved! He was everywhere at once, soaking up information like a sponge. Hell, he even looked like his namesake, as did Jimmy, a fact that had Sam wonder at first. But then he realized his folks must have gotten a GeFa, and named him after his looks. That was the only explanation, surely the register would have picked up on the stunning resemblance and reported it. It happened a lot lately, newborns being GeFa'ed and finding historic look-a-likes. It seemed to be some kind of a trend. Or was it just renewed interest? Cody was a fun guy to be around, something always happened. He was the joker with a depth. Capable of human interaction as few, he'd be their lifeline in times when the morale got low. And that would probably happen a lot. When these youngsters got out there and realized all the hard work that lay before them, there would be squabbles, irritation and foul moods. Cody would be the remedy. Sam chuckled at the memory of all the pranks the lad had allegedly pulled, he knew he would continue. There was nothing stopping him.

Still chuckling he browsed through the files of Noah Dixon and Rachel Dunne, he knew next to nothing about them, except what he had found out during the interviews. Then he nodded to himself, they had made a good choice, the group would with all probabilities work out just fine. And by this time tomorrow, he would stand face to face with all of them. He looked specially forward to see Emma Shannon again. _There I go, promptly showing special treatment! Sam, keep your head cool, you just can't fail at this!_

The EA called for his attention and he sighed. Subconsciously he opened the channel but stayed silent. Of course the caller knew that, she had some kind of direct communication with him that no modern device came close to. The woman could read his mind, if he wanted it or not.

"Sam Cain, you're doing it again. We've been waiting on you for dinner. You promised to be here an hour ago, Pa's getting starved. Get your act together and scoot over here, pronto!"

"Ma!" Sam Cain groaned.

 

 

Rachel Dunne watched the clean-cut team she was about to join in a day. She watched the two women she was joining. One of them, Emma Shannon was about her age, red-haired like her. Louise was younger, her short dark hair framing a tiny heart shaped face. And the men, so young most of them. She smiled as she realized what that would mean. Glands acting up in the middle of nowhere, hormones stirring, needs unfulfilled. Unbridled youthfulness in an unknown ambiance. Was she really ready for this? She looked around her small chambers. Her short marriage was over, and it had left her with bad memories only. Bad memories altogether. Yes, she was ready for this, she was ready to change everything in her life right now just to get away from herself. Flicking through the research protocol, she relaxed. She was good at her job and she would see it through. Closely monitoring what the new milieu brought on to the CNS and the mesolimbic system, if any. Checking the norepinephrine and the epinephrine levels, the hormonal and transmittor balance. Avoid being dragged into it was the safest course. Observing but not participating, keeping her distance. She looked at the stack of phenylalanine-patches, no, not tonight, tonight she wouldn't escape reality. Tonight she would savor the loneliness and remember it, to keep homesickness away if it ever assaulted her out there in the wild.

 

Lou tossed and turned in bed, a mixture of anticipation, nervousness and good old-fashioned fluttering in her stomach, keeping her awake at this ungodly hour. Watching the screen, she wondered what time it was exactly, the exact time was automatically shown on the white wall before her. Irritated she removed the EA, she kept forgetting to turn it off. With a sigh, she sank back into bed and stared up into the ceiling. It had been so hard to say good-bye to Sean. Partly because she felt guilty for not feeling the same he did. Oh, she liked being around him, talking to him and goofing around with him. She even liked the sex, but there was something missing. She didn't know what, but she sensed there should be more. When she was younger she had read all these great novels about love, the sensation that swept you off your feet. She had never been swept off her feet like that. But then again, it was just fiction. Some things science had yet to fully explain, and she yet to experience. Oh, she had been infatuated a number of times, but never felt enough trust in anybody to the extent that she lost her wits and walked around with that silly smile on her face. That silly smile she noticed every time Nathaniel called on Celinda. Or maybe she just wasn't capable of those kinds of feelings? Maybe something was wrong with her? Sean was sweat and handsome, so why wouldn't she tie the knot? Why did she always have that uncanny feeling that there was somebody else out there, somebody made just for her? Maybe love was just what she had with Sean, camaraderie with a twist? Maybe that was all there was to it and she kept fooling herself that there was something grander? Something she would never find?

"Louise McCloud! You're going out on the adventure of your life tomorrow and you're lying here contemplating love's mysteries? What's wrong with you?" She scolded herself, sometimes she was unbelievably shallow. "I guarantee you - you won't find him in the midst of the wilderness, you fool!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **ASA** \- Air Stream Alternator. A flying device, works on natural aerodynamic laws. Fueled by solar power and aerodynamics.  
> There are smaller and larger vessels, all remotely controlled, piloted only under malfunctions and bad weather.

It was already late in the afternoon when Lou's ASA stopped and sank to the ground. For a brief moment, she hesitated, what if she never stepped out, but stayed inside and gave the vehicle the command to return? What if she went back to safety instead of joining the team? After all she didn't know any of these folks!

Then she diverted her eyes to the screen and saw the sand blow in the wind. The wind! She had never felt the wind before, she had read about it and tried it virtually, but she had never actually sensed the real wind before. There was so many things she had never sensed before. She grabbed her bag and jumped out when the portal opened.

For a moment, she didn't dare step away from the ASA, she just stood there while all the sensations of the open assaulted her. The wind; caressing her, ruffling her hair, making her breathless. The smells. A myriad of scents she had never experienced before filled her. The air feeling new, unused. Filled with wonders, it surrounded her and penetrated her senses. The sand under her feet, she could actually feel the texture through the soles of her shoes. And the light! It was the most beautiful light she had ever seen. It altered intensity when clouds sailed over the sun. The light was warm. Making her skin tingle, and her breathing to quicken. She couldn't move, she was trapped by the beauty of the wild. And she knew she would never again be able to return to the cupola.

Another ASA sank down behind her own. She marveled at the silence as it momentarily hovered over the sand and sunk to rest and unload. Then it let out a deep sigh and the front-port opened.

A young man stepped out, she recognized the monk immediately. He looked at her and seemed surprised to see her standing there. Nodding his head, he greeted her, saying her name. Lou was startled at how pleasant his voice sounded. He didn't take the time to marvel at the surroundings. He quickly gathered his stuff and turned to walk to the building in front of them. Then he stopped and turned to look at her. His eyes a question. Lou looked at him, wanting to know if he didn't feel what she felt. That life had finally come alive.

"Something wrong, Louise?"

She barely dared breathe not to disturb the wonders surrounding her and he seemed not to care at all. What was wrong with him?

"First time out?" He continued, with a knowing smile.

She still couldn't find her voice, too occupied with sensing, she just looked at him, wondering if he had no feelings whatsoever?

"I see." His eyes twinkled when he walked up to her. He was so tall and lean, she could feel his strength as he stopped in front of her, smiling. His wavy hair blowing in the wind.   
"Louise, it won't go away, I promise. But we better get out so these machines can return. Believe me, it's even more beautiful when they're not blocking the view."

Lou smiled back and took a deep breath, letting the freshness fill her again. Pouring out to her every cell, making her dizzy. The monk looked at her, she read the concern in his eyes.

"I'm fine, really. It's just so...so..."

"I know." He smiled again and she found even his smile to be breathtaking. She realized she must be in such an altered state of mind right now. Everything got to her like never before.

He bent down to take her bag from her and threw it with his own over his shoulder. Then he turned and offered her his arm. "Come on, Louise. This is just the beginning."

Louise took the support offered, without even reflecting, she hooked her arm around his. He adjusted his long steps to suit hers as they walked over the sandy ground. The sun warming them and the wind rustling the leaves around them, making the scent of wilderness penetrate her being. He watched her while he walked, a soft smile lingering in the eyes. She turned to look into the deep blue eyes of the man walking with her.

"Oh God," she said softly.

"I know," he replied and she could read in his eyes that he really did. He truly knew.

 

 

Jimmy peeked out the window and saw the monk and a beautiful girl slowly traverse the yard. Jimmy had to grin at the unlikely picture. He had been the first to arrive at the new building, a style that was late 1700, the colonial style. Luckily enough, with all the modern facilities. It was in fact, huge, and hugely different from everything he had lived in before. The walls were thicker, to keep out the wild he supposed. And the light was so different from the one inside the cupolas. The sunshine actually leaked in through the big windows in the den. The largest room in the building. The center. A kitchen adjoining the room, an antique fireplace in the opposite corner. To his left there were rooms, signs telling him there was a 'Lab', 'ER', ComCenter', and the funniest of them all 'the recreation room'. Jimmy realized that the architect had not spent too much time in the wild. Who the hell would spend their time inside when there was all the adventure anybody ever wanted right outside?

He let his eyes wander to the opening that lead into the small hallway where Hunter's and Cain's rooms were. Doors facing each other, with the third door at the end of the hall, the sign marking it as 'equips'. He didn't bother to go inside and check the rooms out. He wondered where they were supposed to sleep? If they were supposed to sleep? His eyes followed a large stairways that curved into a second floor. Probably up there, and he'd gladly share a room with the young woman walking with the monk. Jimmy gathered that the Kid wouldn't. Grinning he stepped outside to greet the newcomers. Specially Louise McCloud.

The two of them were talking while they approached the large verandah. Louise's voice soft, accompanied by Kid's hums. He couldn't make out what they were discussing, but he noticed they were walking with their arms hooked around each others and Kid was carrying Louise's bag. Jimmy waited and squinted his eyes in the sunshine, it was so strange being out here, so different from the stagnant air in the cupola. The air he had actually considered fresh. Now he understood how wrong he had been. It had been sterile, not fresh, only cleansed into something so neutral it brought with it, nothing of the wonders that lingered in the air he bathed in right now.

The two of them didn't even notice him standing there, Lou threw her head back and laughed at something the monk had said. Jimmy tapped his fingers against the verandah railing. Then he whistled softly in appreciation.

Lou turned her eyes to him immediately, seeming surprised. Jimmy smiled at her, oh she was beautiful. Stepping down the two stairs, he walked up to them, extending a hand in Louise's direction. She took it, and shook it with a secure grip. "Louise McCloud," Jimmy said, "an honor to meet you." He didn't let go of her hand.

"James, right?" Louise asked and let go of Kid's arm.

"Jimmy to my friends," he replied and finally let go of her hand. Glancing at Kid's raised eyebrows, he nodded in his direction. Neither of them addressed each other. Lou looked bewildered at them both.

"I'll get these bags inside," Kid stated and took the stairs in one stride.

"So you've met the monk," Jimmy said with a grin at the young woman.

"John, right?"

"Actually everybody calls him Kid, don't ask me why." Jimmy looked at her and realized her eyes were still on the door that Kid had closed behind him. "A funny fella', never talks much."

"Oh," Louise said and finally diverted her eyes to look at Jimmy. "So you know him?"

"Well, kinda, we've run in to each other. So Louise, what brings you out here?" He'd never in his life admit to how well he actually knew Kid, they had made some kind of unspoken pact to stay out of each other's lives. And he would sure keep his end of the deal.

"Actually, I'm Lou to most folks."

"Lou, huh? Kinda suits you."

"Well yeah, Jimmy, is this your first time out too? Kid says he's been out before, letting animals into the wild, I've never been out. Well, that's for any length of time."

"Oh, I've been out before," he replied and smiled at Lou's skeptical glance. "Two days, with the Kid. Actually protecting the Kid."

She turned to him with interest. "The two of you, what did you do? Was it on those trips to let the animals loose? Where were you at? How...?"

The goddamn monk opened the door and asked if Jimmy knew where the cafs was. Jimmy threw him an irritated glance. Lou jumped up the stairs. "I'll help you look!"

And the monk smiled shyly at her, having Louise's face brighten. Jimmy shook his head. The poor girl might be falling for the monk, he would have to warn her.

"You comin' Jimmy?" She asked him over her shoulder, standing close to the Kid.

"Sure," Jimmy replied and followed them in.

 

 

Noah Dixon stretched his legs out of the ASA, placing them firmly on solid ground. Stepping away from the craft, he turned and watched it rise to hover over the ground before it calculated the designed route back and rose into its final position in the atmosphere. Then he followed its voyage back until it was out of sight. He did so to concentrate on something familiar, something safe since his body was so acutely aware of the warm sun on his back and the wind tingling on his skin. The air was overwhelming, filled with scents he had never encountered before. All was new, so new. He felt like a stranger. He had only caught a glimpse of the building in front of him, a building in a style he had only seen in books before. His heart was pounding while his brain slowly took in the surroundings. First the incredible green of the trees. The leaves turning a million different shades as the wind rustled them. The grass, bowing for the breeze. And the vast open sky, unshielded. No protection whatsoever between him and the nature's forces. It was ...

He turned when he felt a hand on his back.

"Noah Dixon?"

A strawberry-blonde woman stood before him, Rachel Dunne. Her cheeks red, from the sun, he gathered. She would have to be careful with that complexion. Her pale skin would burn to a crisp if she didn't watch out.

"Rachel Dunne? Enchanted."

"It's amazing, it's so different from what I ever imagined. So much more."

Noah had not let himself take it all in yet, he had to portion the wonders carefully. Now he lifted his eyes and let them wander around. The house was maybe one hundred yards away, looking huge. Built at the edge of a forest, a lawn surrounding it. Behind it a field, an enormous field. There was openness for as long as your eyesight carried. Mountains at the end of the green. And then the horizon that melted into a thick forest that continued on the other side, like a encircling the vastness. At the end of the house there was a low long building, with fenced areas around. What on earth was that good for?

Rachel followed his gaze. "They're bringing horses and cattle. The vet's gonna keep them under surveillance, see if they're able to breed on their own. Just like the buffalo they let out."

"Oh," Noah let out. He looked back at the house. The solar panels on the roof blended perfectly in. The disk on the roof reflecting the sun. It was beautiful. Old-fashioned but beautiful.

Rachel giggled at his side, "I know what you're thinking. But don't worry, there is indoor plumbing."

"You sure?" Noah asked with a grin. "Maybe we should check it out just in case."

"Tell you what, if there ain't - I'm taking the next ASA back."

Noah chuckled. "Come on, let see the place, never seen anything like it before. Are we the first?"

"No, there's at least three sets of footprints leading to the house. I just sat myself down on that rock over there. Couldn't bring myself to move. It's so damned beautiful out here."

"You better watch yourself from that sun, with your complexion..."

"Forgot you're the Doc," Rachel moaned, "come on, your assignment won't start until tomorrow. You can doctor us around then."

"Somehow I get the feeling it won't be that easy," Noah teased her while they walked.

"Ya bet ya," Rachel laughed.

 

Lou sat on the lateral porch and just looked out over the vast green field before her. The boys sitting on each side of her, Jimmy fidgeting with his EA and Kid checking some equipment out. All had finally arrived, except the team-leader himself, Hunter. Lou had been out here for three hours but already she was so sleepy she barely could keep her eyes open. Never had she felt anything like this before. It was like the fresh air took every ounce of energy she had in her. It drained her. All these new people, this place, everything. Her mind was reeling and she had stopped imprinting the visual memories into her long term memory, now she just took it all as it came.

She had been introduced to all these people, even talked with them, found out a lot of things about them, like where they came from, what they were doing here. But she had not really connected with any of them, except the one who had told her the least. The one that sat at her side and calibrated some equipment of his. He did never say much, but all the while she had been sitting here, she had stolen a glance and he had responded with a quick one in her direction. A smile as if he understood how overwhelmed she was. Oddly enough, she felt safe around him, he didn't need much words, he just was. And it felt safe right now, but it also aroused her curiosity. The monk, huh? Why on earth would a man like him choose celibacy? What was wrong with him? He suddenly put the device to the side and bent down to pick something off her shoe. Surprised she bent over to find out what he was up to. He cupped his hand at the edge of her shoe and gently brushed something off it, into his open hand.

Something small and red with black spots ran in his hand, to then settle. Lou leaned closer to look. There was a tiny little ladybug resting in the middle of his palm.

"Oh," Lou exhaled and watched the insect, she had never seen one in real life before. It seemed to feel safe in the large hand that stayed absolutely still, letting the small bug find its own way. "It's beautiful, I've never seen one before."

Looking at him she smiled back, watching him lift the hand higher up into the air and let the small insect catch the wind to fly away. As it took off, he remain still, watching it fly away. Lou remain looking at him, her heart melting at his tenderness. Even toward a tiny ladybug. In the corner of her eyes, she caught a glimpse of Jimmy's teasing smile. Turning to him, she watched him shake his head, like telling her she was out on a lost cause.

"What?" She snapped in his direction, angry at him for trying to read her mind. She was sure he had, but her EA wasn't even on.

At the sound of Lou's angry voice, Kid turned to look at them. Jimmy lifted one of his eyebrows and looked meaningfully between the two of them. Lou felt her cheeks go red, and that hadn't happened to her since she was fourteen.

She felt Kid's gaze on her and that made the whole thing worse. Right now she wanted to swat Jimmy hard.

"Oh, nothing at all," Jimmy grinned. "Never seen such emotional outburst over a ladybug before," Jimmy teased.

Lou was at a loss of words, she wasn't sure what lay under the words Jimmy had just spoken, should she take them at face value or was he implying something else?

"That's just it Jimmy, you never did care did you?"

Lou looked back at the Kid, still standing on the ground right at her feet. By the tone of his voice she knew these two had some kind of history, something that neither one of them told.

"Hunter just landed," Kid said and turned to walk away.

Jimmy rose too and Lou had no chance to ask what it was all about. She followed them as they walked up to the group gathering on the yard.

She smiled in their direction as she joined them and placed herself at the end of the line they had formed. The transport ASA's front portal opened and a group of people stepped out. Lou tried to figure out which one was Mr. Hunter. The men busied themselves with the unloading of the bags and valises that contained the personal effects of each team-member. Lou looked at the rest to see if somebody knew which one of these men was Hunter, she never bothered to find his personal file and look it through. Sam Cain started walking up to the group. A gray-haired man in sagging clothes met him and shook his hand. Lou's eyes popped wide-open. The man was haggard, clad in clothes that were in fashion about ten years ago. His baseball cap must have been around in the 22nd century. He looked like he had lived in a cave for some years himself. Lou glanced at the others and tried to assess if this was really him, the man who was supposed to lead them all?

Emma smiled, obviously she knew the man. Rachel at her side looked at her, asking something that Lou couldn't make out. Ike and Buck chuckled, Ike shaking his head. Lou felt relieved that somebody else shared her exact feelings. Cody scratched his head and glanced back at her. Jimmy flicked his fingers and Kid remain stoic, looking at the men unloading.

Hunter walked up to them with Sam at his side.

"This is them?" He asked the tall man at his side, "this is the goddamn team they've handed me?"

Sam Cain nodded. "HuRec team NR 41, meet Teaspoon Hunter."

At the mention of the nickname, Cody burst out in a chuckle, having them all join in.

"Well, well, well," Teaspoon Hunter said and stepped in front of Ike. "Ike McSwain, huh?"

Ike nodded and looked embarrassed to be singled out.

"Communications expert, right?"

Ike nodded again.

Teaspoon Hunter tilted his head and looked closer at the young man in front of him. Scrutinizing him until Ike squirmed. After a deadly long pause, Teaspoon spoke up again. "You don't talk much do ya, for being a CE, huh?"

Ike shook his head.

"Good grief," Teaspoon moaned and turned to Buck. "Buck Cross? They tell me you can forecast weather and stuff. Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Tell you what son, so can I," Teaspoon chuckled. "I get this ache in my knee every time it's about to rain."

Buck looked absolutely baffled. But Teaspoon was already done with him and had turned to Cody.

Cody looked back at the man scrutinizing him without blinking. With his arms crossed over his chest, the blond young man had a hard time hiding his amusement over the raggedy man in front of him.

"William F. Cody, huh?" At Cody's nod, Teaspoon shook his head sadly.

"What's wrong?" Cody asked, thrown by the man's disapproving attitude.

"Your shoelaces are untied, young man. This is the wild, you gotta be prepared. The shoelaces undone might just be the death of you."

Cody made a sound to protest.

"Now, listen up y'all," Teaspoon interrupted. "You're here to observe and watch. If Cody here gets real close to a herd of buffalo and some data are needed, what'ya think will happen if he climbs some rocks to get a closer look with his shoelaces undone? I tell you what will happen. He'll get caught on a rock and fall face down and hit his head and that's it. It's goodbye Cody. Reason for demise: undone shoelace."

"Gee," Jimmy let out. "That's likely."

"Young man, you ain't seen nothing yet," Teaspoon remarked and walked right past Jimmy. So close Jimmy had to take a step back. Irritated he mumbled and glared in Teaspoon's direction.

Teaspoon didn't mind. He had stopped before Noah. "Young man, what have you done to be forced out here?"

"I don't under.."

"You see what you're gonna be tending to, you're gonna have a lot of bruises, caused by hardheadedness and plain refusal to see sense. Am I right?" He turned back to let his eyes pierce Jimmy's. Jimmy's widened and he took a step back. Opening his mouth to protest, but he was too late, Teaspoon had already walked over to stand in front of Kid. Staring at him bluntly for a long while, he then shook his head; "I have absolutely nothing to say."

Kid's brow furrowed and he cast a desperate glance in Lou's direction. Lou looked back at him, not understanding anything right now. What on earth was this man rambling about. What was he up to?

"Louise McCloud, hmmmm. Tell me something. Is that one there any kin?"

Louise shook her head, "No...sir," she added after a while. "No kin, just the same name."

"I see, thought you were brother and sister or something like that. Figured you to be the runt of the litter."

"Now mister, I don't care who the hell you are but that is no way to talk to a lady. To anyone!"

Lou instinctively stepped back when Kid took on long step forward and placed himself right in front of Hunter. He was taller and glared angrily down at the man's face.

Teaspoon looked blankly at him, like he hadn't even heard him. Kid stood glaring at him, Lou wanted to step in between the two and have them calm down. She felt that getting into a fight with your boss within the first ten minutes wasn't a good idea. However rotten the boss seemed.

Then it happened. Hunter chuckled and patted Kid's shoulder. "That's the spirit young man, that's what I want to see in my team. Always stick together, whatever happens or whoever gets in between, you stick together."

Kid looked utterly bewildered. Lou turned to watch the man again, what the hell was this man all about?

Teaspoon Hunter laughed again, "got y'all didn't I? Well, gang, this is it, this is the wilderness and I'm the wildest of them all. Be prepared coz' you all got a lot to learn. We're gonna try and survive out here in the open. Where no humans have dwelled for over 200 years. With or without tied shoelaces." A bemused smirk in Cody's direction. "I know you're the best of the best, wouldn't be here otherwise. Now let's see if you can work together too. Coz' that's what survival is all about. Stickin' together, working towards a common good. Let's see to it we make it, right?" Turning to watch everyone anew, awaiting the nods from them all. "I know you're good in your field, but this is bigger, this is being a good human being. That is what I'll expect from each and everyone of you. And I don't have an answer to whatever that really is, that's what we will find out. Together. Or to put it in a well quoted form 'All for one and one for all'. All right?"

Everybody nodded.

"Well, then I only have one question left," Teaspoon peered at them, "any food left?"

Sam Cain chuckled and beckoned Teaspoon to follow. "We're gonna have some problems with Cody here, but I managed to save you some amino-pasta.

"Wonderful, I love that worm-like sensation. Gang, get your stuff, we're gonna find ourselves some sleeping space later. Guess you must be tired to the bones, know I was the first time out."

They all watched as the men disappeared behind the door, Emma following close behind. They just stood there, not knowing what to think. Staring at the door like it was an apparition. Casting wondering glances at each other, waiting for somebody to say something.

Finally Kid cleared his throat. "I gotta agree with the man, I have absolutely nothing to say."

They hardly made it to the luggage from laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Invitae** \- An instrument that instantanously checks out the physical well-being, measures the hormal levels, the heart-rate and diastolic and systolic pressure, oxygen level and possible internal injuries on the basis of hormonal and transmittor activity. No intrusive measure necessary, reads from dermatological contact. For accuracy a baseline needs to be established first. Without the baseline the device works on assumtions of normality reguarding gender, age and life-form.  
> NuD - Nutrient Drink

Still giggling, they burst through the door. Carrying and dragging their luggage as best they could. Lou got tangled into Ike's valise and they both struggled to free her foot from the shoulder leash, giggling hysterically as she wouldn't come loose. Buck decided to help them out and managed to get stuck on the Velcro of Lou's bag himself.

"Jeez," Lou giggled, and yanked the flap hard, freeing Buck and sending her diary, the photo of her and Sean, all her loose memo-slots and the spare EA all over the floor.

Cody walked up to them, gathering the items spread on the floor as he walked. "Children, play nice!" Looking down at the photo he was holding, a wide grin swept over his face. Peering at Lou he hid the small frame behind his back. "Throwing away your boyfriend already Lou? That's working fast!"

"Cody," Lou groaned and finally got free with Ike's help. Leaping in Cody's direction, she tried to get a hold of his arm. "Gimme that!"

"Lucky fella'," Cody continued, "what's his name?"

"Cody, give it back, it's none of your business!" Lou was getting mad, what the hell did he have to do with her belongings. Surely she didn't go prying into his!

Kid walked past Cody and snatched the item from him. Cody turned when he realized he had been duped. Lou cursed inwardly.

With a brief glance at the pic in his hand, Kid held both Cody and the suddenly very curios Jimmy, back and gave Lou the item they were fighting over. "Lucky fella'," Kid concurred and smiled at her.

"Killjoy," Jimmy sighed and turned to gather the fallen bags.

"Sorry," Kid said, "sometimes the boys play rough."

"It's okay," Lou nodded. All of a sudden she felt the urge to throw the damned pic out the window. It didn't feel right to have Kid know about Sean. Why the hell had she brought it along? Wasn't necessary at all. Wasn't even important. She fought for some words to dismiss the stupid pic but found none. She didn't even know if Kid was interested in the fact that Sean was - well Sean was - somebody. Not knowing exactly what he was to her right now. A friend, yes. A lover? Occasionally. But other than that, she didn't know. The whole incident bothered her. Most of all, it bothered her that she cared that Kid found out about him. And it shouldn't, it absolutely shouldn't.

Kid smiled at her. "Come on, better get ourselves upstairs before the best rooms are taken."

He stood back to let her pass and walk before him.

Lou still had no words to explain the situation. And she wondered why she felt such a need to do so? To the monk no less? Thoughtful she wandered up the curved stairways, why was she so keen on seeming free and unattached? Was the new surroundings playing havoc with her hormones, was the hell was happening to the cool scientist? Reaching the landing, she stopped and looked to the far end of the hallway where the rest had gathered. In the atria in the middle of the second store, Cody and Jimmy were fighting over a room, obviously. Kid nudged her elbow.

"Take the first room, the view is outstanding, you can see straight to the mountains."

"Oh!" Damn it Louise, is all you can say around him 'oh, ah, and huh'? He must be so impressed by your verbal skills!

He put his bags down and opened the door for her. The sun was setting and it threw faint light through the window. "Oh," she repeated and wanted to kick herself, she was acting like an illiterate moron.

"I know, I've always liked that room, stayed there last time."

"You did?"

He just nodded and she could have sworn he was amused by her. Well no wonder, she was not really herself today, her wit and fast, piercing tongue had obviously taken a leave of absence. He gathered his bags back into his hands and turned to walk away.

"Where will you stay?" She asked. Like he was going on a trip around the world or something. Like he was saying goodbye and leaving her high and dry. _Damn it Louise, you're doing it again!  
_  
He turned and eased himself backwards through the next door. "The view is almost as good as the one you've got," he smiled. "The bathroom is straight ahead, the bluish door in front of you."

Lou followed his indication and nodded as her gaze fell on the pale blue door. "Thanks," she said. "See you downstairs in an hour?"

"Sure," he nodded and threw that mesmerizing smile at her again. "But I bet you it'll take more than an hour for Cody and Jimmy to settle, probably a fistfight."

Lou glanced over in their direction, they were obviously still fighting over the room, the room adjoining Rachel's in fact. She chuckled, Kid was probably right. Maybe the boys wished one of them would become a permanent guest in the strawberry-blonde woman's room.

While she was watching Rachel opened the door to her room and stood before the bickering couple. They were so engrossed in their discussion they didn't even notice her. She glared coldly at the two before she demonstratively cleared her throat.

"Gentlemen, did you ever bother to read the sign on that door?"

"What?" Jimmy turned to her and made a questioning face, his irritation obvious.

"Says 'sickbay', right there!" Pointing to the sign over the door frame Rachel's eyes glittered with repressed laughter. "That room is if somebody needs to be put in quarantine. Not that I'm not sure that right at this moment it probably applies to both of you. So if you're keen on sleeping in a hospital bed, monitored constantly, go right ahead!"

"Ewww," Cody exclaimed and took a step back.

"Thought so," Rachel stated calmly and shut the door behind her.

Cody and Jimmy measured each other up for one last time and turned on their heels to walk to the last rooms available.

Kid threw Lou a last glance before he shut his own door, his face plastered with a broad grin. Lou hurried to close her own door so Jimmy wouldn't see her laughing as he walked to the room next to Kid's.

 

Lou remain leaning onto the closed door. The bags fell from her hands and she brought her hands up to her cheeks. They were hot. Lou covered the eyes with her palms, rubbing until stars danced under her closed eyelids. The thoughts whirling in her head, a thousand things popping up. Why was she acting like this? How come she had ended up in a tingling shivering body that was accompanied by a mind that had nothing else to say than 'oh, ah, huh'. Why did she feel like smiling all the time? _Get a grip! You're here to do a job, if you keep acting like this nothing will come of it. Call Sean and talk to him, get back to reality - now!_

Decisively she kicked the bags away from her feet and adjusted the EA, flicking it on. He must have been waiting for a contact for hours now. His face appeared on the wall the moment she gave the command. He was smiling at her, and Lou smiled back. Sean was safe, she knew him and knew he did not have the effect the monk had on her. With him she was cool and rational. She locked the image on face-frame, what would he say if she saw her slumped up against a door?

"Hey ya dude? What's up?"

"Sweetheart, I've been waiting for your call, they keepin' you busy?"

"If you only knew, I'll have to be down in one hour and I haven't started unpacking yet. We gotta keep this short." _Nice Lou, you're lying to your boyfriend already, unpacking will take you fifteen minutes tops!_

"I miss you so much, are things all right there?"

"Everything is fine, it's beautiful, so much more than I ever imagined."

"You keepin' me on the nightstand, sweetheart?"

"You'll be there, don't you worry."

"I love you Louise, you know that. Don't forget about it."

God how she hated when love came up, she always had to squirm around the issue. She smiled and looked at him anew. He was handsome, oh yes. Many would have given a lot just to go out with him. To be seen with him. So why did she feel like something was missing. Why didn't his smile affect her like Kid's did? _Louise!_

"Love you too, but I really gotta go. Talk to you later!"

"Take care honey, leave a message anytime. I'm thinking of you, always."

"Sleep tight Sean, bye. Don't let 'em bedbugs bite." She closed the EA before the discussion was dragged out. Thankfully Sean didn't read her too well. With a sigh she crept over to the bed and sank down in the coolness of white fresh linen, placing the EA on the nightstand. Tiredly she watched the bags still lying in front of the door. She'd get to them later. She was so tired she had no energy whatsoever to start putting her stuff where it ought to be. Lying in bed she looked out the window, her eyes following the lines of the meadow until it got blurred and the horizon took over. She tried picturing her and Sean together, having fun. Being in love. The damned monk kept intruding into her thoughts. The eyes and the sweet smile haunting her. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep with the vision of Kid as he let the ladybug take off into the wind.

 

 

Noah Dixon wearily stepped down the stairs to the awaiting crowd he expected to find downstairs. Most of them with drowsing eyelids. This was a common sign for newcomers, himself included. The massive impact of the novelty always triggered all kinds of hormonal and psychological responses in the human body, his included. But he had to stay sharp and document the impacts. He held on to his Invitae, checking once again that he had all the programmed data correctly inserted. He expected to find a lot of melantonin running in the veins. It would take a week or so for things to get normalized. He was so intently looking at the data that he almost tripped over Kid's legs on his way to the desk. The vet grinned apologetically at him and moved his legs to the side. He looked irritably alert. Noah threw a glance at him again, wondering. Then it dawned on him that the vet had been out there many times before, he just wasn't affected like the rest of them. Teaspoon and the Kid, maybe even Jimmy, had some advantages at this stage. Namely being able to keep awake.

"For that you'll be the first," Noah remarked and beckoned the man to the desk. Kid sighed and walked over.

"I can take care of my own analysis Noah, can handle the equipment you know. You just concentrate on the others and I'll..."

"Haven't I heard this before," Noah interrupted him, "now you know the drill. No doc doctors himself, says so loud and clear. Heck if I get ill you'll probably be doctoring me." Placing the Invitae on the man's pulse he waited for the results. "Just remember I'm no horse," he muttered and shook the Invitae slightly, it seemed to be acting up. Glancing at the Kid, he wondered."  
You got a spare one?" he asked as the device persisted in showing the results, showing a slight elevation of the tyrosine level. Rachel leaned in over his shoulder and read the results. Glancing at Noah, she shook her head, no it hadn't been elevated in the last checkup this morning.

"Hand me yours, please, gotta check if it's calibrated." Noah told the Kid.

Kid picked his up from the front pocket and switched it onto HUREC41, recalling all their codes. Handing it calmly to Noah, while the former watched him intently.

"Something wrong?" Kid asked.

"Nope," Noah mumbled and watched the read-out. It was still the same, PEA and oxytocin levels raised. Not to have Kid read his own test results, he deleted them and handed the Invitae back. They weren't supposed to know their mental status was being monitored too. "Just checking."

Kid looked skeptically at him.

"It's ok, Kid, just wanted to check out if the atmosphere had some affect on the apparatus. Lou ain't here yet, would you please go get her?"

"Sure," Kid said and turned to walk back up the stairs. Casting one last inquiring look at Noah and Rachel at the desk.

Without a word Noah flipped the morning results for Emma and Sam onto the read-out, to then flip back to Kid's and comparing them with the others' morning results. There was a change in Kid's results as in Sam's and Emma's. That change had appeared earlier thou. Kid's change had happened after this morning's analysis. Noah glanced at Rachel. She smiled back at him.

"I think I know why," she admitted.

"An epidemic?" Noah asked bemused.

"Depends on the rest of the results no?" Rachel shot back with a grin. "But I'm fearing the worst."

Noah couldn't help but laugh, there was no hiding from modern medicine. Kid must have known that. Noah understood his unwillingness to be checked out, even if Kid knew Noah was sworn to secrecy there was no hiding the hormonal facts. He must have gathered they checked everything out.

"I was just wondering who," Noah said quietly.

"You mean you didn't notice?" Rachel asked surprised. "Really? Noah, are you slackin' off?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Rachel chuckled. "Jimmy, get over here, now!"

Noah squinted his eyes and wondered what she meant. Then he decided to forget all about is as Jimmy walked up to him, groaning demonstratively.

 

 

Kid knocked on the door, hesitantly at first. When he received no reply from inside, he knocked again, a little harder. Still nothing. Then he called her name and opened the door. He smiled when he found her sound asleep on the bed, the bags still packed and at the door. Her hair contrasting against the white pillow. A slight snore as she breathed, in deep sleep. She was adorable and he found himself smiling. The minute he laid his eyes on Louise McCloud, something had happened, but she was occupied and they were on a mission. He'd step back as usual, the girl was not for him. She was somebody else's and he just had to face that fact and fight the attraction he felt. Crouching by her bed, he watched for a while before calling out her name again. Her eyelids flickered rapidly before she opened the browns to a crack. Totally disorientated, she looked at him and obviously tried to figure out where she was at.

"Lou, I'm sorry but Noah needs you downstairs. It'll only take a minute and then you can go back to sleep. You okay?"

She was up in a sitting position before he had the time to blink. "Didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry."

"Ummm-mm, " Lou replied and rubbed her eyes.

Kid couldn't help but chuckle softly. He hated being watched when he slept, wondering if she felt the same? Feeling sorry if she felt like he was intruding.

"Oh God, I feel so stupid," she moaned in a reply to his thoughts. "I'm sorry didn't mean to fall asleep like that."

"It's okay, your first time out an' all, happens to everybody. Except the ones that stay in the room adjoining Jimmy's. His snores wake the dead."

Lou had to giggle, she felt better already. Felt safe when Kid joked the embarrassment away like that. Felt like he understood.

Still chuckling, she threw her legs over the edge of the bed and rose. Looking down at the Kid still crouching at her bedside, she shook her head. "You must think I'm such a goon."

"What?" Kid said as he rose.

"I've not been myself today, I can assure you that. I don't know what's come over me? Geez, I'm acting like I don't know what!" She turned and walked briskly out the door and down the stairs, she had to get away from him before something happened to make her look even more like a complete moron. She had made such a fool of herself this day, starting from this morning right uptil now. And always in front of the monk. He was a bad influence all right. Real bad influence. She had to get away before she was transformed into a smiling fool, a joke, a travesty of her cool scientific self. She ran down the stairs without waiting for him, if she did stick around, he'd spot her blushing cheeks.

She almost ran into Ike at the landing. She threw him an insecure smile as she diligently stepped around him, avoiding a collision. "Sorry, fell asleep," she informed him and Buck coming up the stairs. The room was empty except for the pair at the desk. "All rightie," she grinned at Noah and rolled her sleeve up. "This is probably the part I'm gonna hate the most of all," she told Rachel, all while extending her hand for Noah to make the analysis. She met with Rachel's smile and sadly shook her head. "I have no idea what's coming over me, falling asleep like that."

"You're okay, it's normal to be tired under the circumstances, it'll blow over once you've acclimatized."

"I sure hope so," Lou remarked with a grin. "Had no intention to sleep away my time here. Something wrong?"

Noah had the Invitae in hand and shook it. "No, seems to be acting up, have to redo it. Hold on a sec longer."

Lou turned to look at him; "You sure?"

"Yep, you're sleepy that's all. Go get a NuD or something and get yourself to bed. Kid's gonna tell you all tomorrow morning what to do. He's the only one alert enough to make sense."

"Well, huh, thanks, I'll do that," Lou almost stammered. Had she seen a twinkle in Noah's eyes when he mentioned the name? Was her attraction that obvious? She backed away from the pair at the desk, looking with attention at them for clues on how much they had read. She had signed a contract and she knew it implicitly stated that there was no romancing allowed. Would they report her and have her taken off the mission? Would they really do it, shatter her dream? They busied themselves with transferring the results into an autonomic memo-slot, for referral to HuRec headquarters. Lou sighed and turned to walk to the kitchen and fetch the NuD, she'd ask Emma, or someone, what all these tests were all about. And why Rachel and Noah had such a hard time keeping a straight face performing them? What were they looking for?

Noah glanced at Rachel as Lou disappeared into the kitchen. "Sleepy alright..."

"..and in lo-o-o-o-ve," Rachel hummed, causing Noah to laugh. "Must'a happened to 'em like a lightning hitting 'em. Poor sods. You couldn't help yourself but toss the name in, could you?"

"Don't mock it woman, it might happen to you too!"

"God forbid," Rachel replied and rolled her eyes.

 

 

Lou stumbled into the kitchen, hoping to find somebody she could ask about Rachel's and Noah's tests and what they were good for, if she had to worry about getting thrown off the mission because her hormonal status was a mess? The only person left in the room was Teaspoon Hunter, sipping a cafs leisurely.

"Uh Louise, you okay? Look a bit flushed?"

"I'm fine sir, fell asleep, that's all."

"Louise, Louise....sir?" The man looked at her with a side looped smile. "Heck nobody calls me sir, it's Teaspoon Louise!"

"Ok," she nodded, "I'm really Lou, feels funny being called Louise. Only my mother calls me that, and that only when she's mad at me."

Teaspoon chuckled heartily. "I'll remember that and use it against you."

Lou was half inside the fridge looking for her favorite NuD, the 'use it against you' made her cast a glance in the man's direction. But his amused smile calmed her, he just was like that, frank and direct in an odd manner. "Oh I'm sure you will ...sir," she replied, emphasizing the sir.

Teaspoon laughed. "Louise, I'm gonna have my hands full with all you youngens, cut an old-timer like me some slack will ya? Truce, huh, Lou?"

"Sure Teaspoon, if you tell me where the cookies you're munching are hidden."

With a guilty face, Teaspoon pointed to the top drawer. "Nobody can blame a man for trying, right? Just please keep them away from Cody."

"Can't promise," Lou grinned and emptied the glass, "but I can be bribed." She walked out grinning, accompanied by Teaspoon's amused grunts. He was all right, fatherly-like in an odd way. It was going to work out all right, maybe she didn't have to worry. She'd get back to herself after a long shower and a good night's sleep. She even managed to nod coolly in Kid's direction as he walked past her to the kitchen, looking shyly to the floor.

Oh yeah, a good night's sleep would have to cure her.

 

 

In a sparely light room, the officers of HuRec collected the data from the new Team 41. Going over the biological data they scanned four of the team-members output more closely than the others. There was a change in them, a very definite change. The older woman looked at the results and wondered why a bell started ringing in her head? All while the others were worrying about the outcome. Instinctively she traced the logs back to a very distant year. The year it had all been brought forth. Coupling the memo-slot into her own EA, she sat back and revisited the meeting. She had a sensation they were missing something crucial. The long gone TRC started talking and the second the old voice rang in her ears the woman remembered. She tapped her neighbor's arm gently and nodded to the screen. "I think we have some answers right here."

Flicking on her EA to public mode she let them all see.

Most of them sat back and smiled. Nodding occasionally as the information was replayed. That was it, of course. During the years that little bit of information had been lost. Even if they had struggled to get the exact group together, that little thing had been forgotten.

The man at her side chuckled; "well well well, guess it was meant to be."

"I'd say," she replied, "no need to start rearranging groups as of yet. I guess we have one answer out of the hundred billions we are looking for."

"Well, the start is right, but we still haven't seen the end, have we?"

"No, these young ones are very different from the ones they were back then, but still, I have this feeling it'll work out."

"You always was the hopeless romantic."

"Wanna bet?"

The rest of them laughed, but she would have put a considerable amount on the couple involved. Their personality profiles suggested some problems and looking scientifically at them, she wouldn't have paired them. But it had been proven before, science had far from all the answers and she was almost certain that these two defied science. They had their own kind of science, something called love. Something nobody had ever been capable of explaining. Attraction might be neuro-chemically explained, love no. Never had so far, and maybe it never would be.


	4. Chapter 4

Ike woke from the unmistakable sound of a transport-ASA humming as it gathered air for the landing. Flicking on the EA, he realized the time was 5.36 and it was barely light outside. With a groan he eased himself up from the bed and dragged himself to the window. All he could see was thick trees. Shaking his head he chuckled, he had forgotten he chose a room that had no view to speak of, and now he really wanted to know what was going on. Getting his clothes on while walking out the door he knocked once on Buck's door. He'd follow if he wasn't already out. Surprised he noticed the door to Lou's room open up as he passed.

"Ike, what's goin' on outside? All this schwoozing?"

"Transport ASA," Ike said and shrugged his shoulders, that was his guess.

"Must be one of the largest," Lou nodded and started down the stairs. Glancing at him over her shoulder, she continued, "damned early too. Or did we oversleep? I swear I was so tired last night I couldn't think straight, but I think Teaspoon said he'd set the alarm for us all?"

"He did," Ike confirmed as the reached the landing. Looking out the panoramic window, he turned to take his jacket and threw Lou hers. "Another thing we gotta learn," he smiled, "to dress according to the temperature outside."

"Thanks Ike," Lou smiled back. "I would'a rushed right out."

Tentatively she pushed ahead of Ike while he struggled to get his jacket on and the EA to stay in place at the same time. Lou realized her EA was still in her room. She was promptly picking up new habits in this place.

Opening the front door, a breeze of fresh damp air reached her. It wasn't unpleasant, it was just different from last night's air. It felt like totally new air had filled the world. Everything changed so fast out here. In the cupola it all stayed the same, the air greenish from the protective layers and the temperature stable. No scents or winds. She actually hesitated before stepping out. Then she looked at the sandy platform in the clearing up ahead. A beautiful horse was being led out from the vessel. The light eerie and fogged made it look like the animal was dancing as it walked down the walkway.

"Ike," she exhaled and started running.

 

There were six horses in the corral already, beautiful majestic animals. She had never been near a horse before so she stayed away, instinctively sensing she ought to still her moves. She walked up to the horse standing closest to her, looking at the vessel and moving uneasily. It was a black horse with a white star in the front. "Hey boy," she hummed to the beautiful animal. The horse turned to look at her and she drew a deep breath at the sight of the bowed neck and the muscular legs trampling. The horse was tied to the railing and it seemed like it wanted to be free.

In the corner of her eyes, she watched as Teaspoon walked up to Ike, handing him the rope of a halter. Telling him to hold the horse since they were having trouble with a mare. The big animal calmed down as Ike stroke the strong neck.

Walking closer to the black horse, she talked softly to it and it seemed to react to her voice. Lou was baffled that it bowed its head and the soft muzzle caressed her hands. "Oh, you want some goodies? I'm sorry I don't have anything. Never told me you were comin'."   
The horse scraped the ground with its front hoof. "I know, you show me what a bad bad human being I'm being. I'll ask if somebody got something. Seen the vet around? He might have somethin'." She stroke the neck and the horse stood perfectly still, neck bowed and the dark eyes glittering in the early morning light. Her hands feeling the soft skin of the beautiful animal and the warmth it emanated. Tentatively she touched the coarse black mane, tugging at it slightly. The horse rested his muzzle in her open hand, breathing deeply, taking in her scent. "Oh boy," Lou whispered, "I think I'm in love."

The horse rubbed its head against her shoulder, the eyes now calm and trusting.

She turned to look at Ike holding the brown horse. His eyes met hers over the distance and she saw in them how amazed he was at the large animal standing at his side. Obeying his voice even though it, with one jerk of the head, would be able to free itself and run away. Nothing would stop it. Instead it rested by his side, awaiting the tiny human beings' orders.

No words were needed, Ike and Lou knew it both. This was amazing.

Teaspoon arrived to stand at their side with two horses in his hold and Kid finally walked up holding a mare that was dancing around him, Lou could hear him softly scolding the lively horse.

"Hold them boys and girls, they're taking off. Might give 'em a bit of a scare. Just hold on to them and talk to them. Lou, you stay by Lightning and keep him calm. Seems to have taken to you." Teaspoon spoke to them in a low voice, calming both them and the horses.

Lou turned back to the horse behind the railing, climbing in though the fence, she stood by its side and repeated the name 'Lightning' to him in a soft voice. The vessel hovered for a while before it rose straight up to find its destined course. The horse at her side trampled nervously. With a hand on the strong back, Lou hummed soothingly to it and felt a shiver run through the animal. A wave of tenderness ran through her at the thought that something this majestic and large was scared, but it still trusted her, enough to react to the touch of her hand.   
"Good boy," she whispered, tears of joy pricking behind her eyelids.

The horses in the corral stirred and ran as the vessel rose.

"Whoa girls, take it slow," Kid chuckled at the frightened mares. They didn't mind him much, they got hay in their sight and rushed to take a bite. Their rounded bellies telling its tale.

The vessel was gone from the sky and the horses calmed down.

Teaspoon walked up to Lou and loosened the rope that tied the horse to the railing. "You come with us Lou, Lightning and the rest will be in the second corral. Expecting mothers need be left alone."

Lou grinned at Teaspoon's second hand wisdom, served as if it was personal knowledge. She gripped the rope without hesitation, somehow she trusted this horse. She wasn't afraid of him at all. Without thinking, she took the lead and the horse followed. Teaspoon waiting at the open gate, a grin on his face.

"Taken a likin' to each other, have we?" He snickered in Lou's direction.

"Ain't against some law, is it," Lou teased back. "I swear, he's the handsomest male in the whole bunch."

"Women," Teaspoon sighed as he followed her, "only lookin' at the surface."

Lou smiled at his remark and her eyes fell on Kid holding the dancing mare. He was softly talking to her and the mare seemed to be enjoying playing with the Kid. Testing him.

"Okay girl, that's enough. You had your play." He stood right in front of the horse and stopped her playful rushing. For a moment Lou thought the mare would run right into him and trample all over him. But she didn't, instead she calmed down immediately and her head sank. Standing still, she let the Kid move his hands over her ears and tag playfully at the mane. "That's my girl," Kid cooed. "Done makin' trouble now?"

The horse nibbled his coat and neighed softly.

Ike turned to Lou and smiled as the horse seemed to go from trouble into submission at the changed tone in Kid's voice. "Has a way with ladies don't he?"

Lou fumbled with the rope and wondered what Ike was on to?

Teaspoon snickered and walked past the rest of them into the corral. "Get over here and let them horses loose. I need breakfast!"

Kid let the lively mare loose first, then he remain watching as the rest of them let theirs loose. The calm morning was suddenly filled with neighing and trampling of hooves. In a fit of energy the horses ran around the vast corral, bucking and rising to their hindlegs occasionally, to then take mighty leaps forward. As on a cue, the mare in front turned and ran straight towards them, hooves smattering against the ground. It was like thunder coming at them. Lou moved out of the way as the horses ran straight at them. Kid whistled and raised his hands and the horses turned, showering them with sand as they galloped away from them.

Lou tensed at the sight of the horses running around, back hooves lifted and ears back. It looked dangerous. Kid caught her eyes and smiled. "They're just fighting for leadership, they won't hurt each other. Not too bad at least. They just need to figure out who is who."

"You got the monitor on?" Teaspoon asked.

Kid nodded but never took his eyes off the horses. "It's on, just feels better actually seeing them."

"Well let's leave 'em alone and finally get some breakfast." Stepping out of the corral, he beckoned the rest to follow. Lou had to grip Kid's sleeve to get him out of there.

But neither of them was ready to get inside yet, they lingered, looking at the horses in the corral. The occasional sudden movements filling the air with tension as they ranked their fellows into their place in the hierarchy. The occasional head to head and switching of tails. Then it seemed to resolve itself and the mare that Kid had held led the rest of them to the hay. The natural hay they had been provided by Team 2. One of the sections that had come so far as to grow their own feed. Lou couldn't wait until they got there themselves. In a couple of months this place would be filling with people colonizing this part of old Nebraska. Making it a living territory again. If they did their job. They would all be depending on each other and working for a life in the free. They just had to do it, she wanted to be able to walk out and watch the horses in the morning. They just had to do it. It was too beautiful to be lost again.

All of them remain standing besides the railing, looking at the horses, admiring their smooth moves and quick reactions. They were made to be out in the free. As were they, this must have been the meaning from the beginning. Until it got lost somewhere and the destruction of the wild started, the destruction of the foundation of life itself. She hoped they would not wander down that path again. Hopefully they had learned and grown.

While they stood there the morning fog vanished and the sun emerged fully through the morning veil. The warmth of the rays reaching them with full force and enfolding them. The air got clearer and higher, becoming intoxicating with its freshness.

Ike drew a depth breath and whistled appreciatively, making them all smile. Understanding him perfectly.

Lou glanced at the Kid watching the horses, he seemed confident. The sun bringing out tones of chestnut in his wavy hair, joy in his gentle eyes as he watched the emerging day. Lou found herself resting her eyes on him, the passion in him hidden behind the calm control. But it was there, she could sense it every time she got close, or watch it when his eyes occasionally flashed the deep burning fire from within. What was he hiding, and why was he hiding it? He turned his head and caught her eyes. And without any words passing through them, or even their EA's on, she again felt his thoughts as if they were her own. There was that bond again, those invisible strings attached between them. Or maybe it was just her hoping? He extended a hand and stroke her cheek with his thumb, "You better put some sunscreen on Lou, your cheekbones are getting red. Better watch out."

She turned her face away and cursed herself inwardly. Knowing full well the sun had nothing to do with it, she nodded in agreement. "I will," she replied and refused to look at him, afraid her acute case of sunburn would get worse if she did.

"Come on, let's get that breakfast," he said with his eyes on Lou.

They walked back to the house. Ike softly whistling Grieg's "Morning mood".

 

 

They met Jimmy at the door, his hair standing out straight, he looked disapprovingly at them. "Having fun without us?" He asked with half-a-smile.

"Having breakfast without us?" Lou retorted and looked at the bread in his hand. "Could'a come out and gotten us you know."

"Na-ah, you seemed to have so much fun, didn't want to disturb you," he said as he followed them into the kitchen.

"I think Jimmy's afraid of horses," Buck remarked while he poured cafs into their mugs.

"No way sir," Jimmy snorted, "just trying to get some breakfast while Cody's still asleep. Watched him eat last night and the sight was fearsome. When I came down and realized there were authentic eggs being served there was no way I was gettin' out before I got mine."

"Good," Kid stated and threw himself onto a chair, snatching himself some bread. "Since you're so attached to the produce you can be in charge of the poultry arriving in two hours."

"Huh?" Jimmy wrinkled his brow in Kid's direction.

"Twenty hen and one proud rooster comin' your way. Be sure to be nice to 'em, Jimmy. Tick 'em of and you can say goodbye to your breakfast eggs."

"But..."

"If you don't prefer the goats or the cows that is? Take your pick."

"I thought the vet would handle all livestock, not me. No way I'm feedin' and milkin' no cows!"

"The vet is in charge of the livestock, Jimmy. Gets to choose the caretakers too."

"No way Kid, never...."

Teaspoon shook his head at Jimmy's hot temper. "Boys boys, Kid's teasing you Jimmy, don't go flying off the handle. We'll take turns taking care of the livestock. But first y'all gotta learn how to ride."

"Ride?" Buck asked, "it's true then, we'll do this from the horseback? I thought that was just for a trial period?"

"Horses are the gentlest to the nature Buck, we don't wanna go down the same road as our ancestors and start using up natures gifts in a mindless manner. Better get used to the idea. Rapid transportation will be handled by ASA's, you all got your license and the ASA's use around here will be monitored strictly. Personal trips and investigative ones with horses. If you won't rather walk that is."

"When do we start?" Lou asked, "right now?"

"Hold your horses Lou, Kid and me's gonna give you the basics first before you start storming the plains. We'll start this afternoon."

Ike peered at Jimmy and started whistling "Tipperary".

Cody rambled down the stairs rubbing his eyes. "Any food left?"

 

 

They were lined up, clad in riding clothes. Tightly sitting elastic pants with patches on the inside of the legs from the butt down to the ankles. Stiff riding boots that reached to their knees. A protective helmet was strapped onto their heads. Lou felt ridiculous. Kid at least had something he called chaps on. Looking damned good too. The loose leathery-like material worn and fitting him perfectly. Dusty boots with signs of long use. She found herself staring at him, not listening to a word he was saying as he showed Buck, Ike and herself how to hold the reins. He had worn jeans and those chaps on, Lou couldn't for her life concentrate on what he was saying. When he had ridden the mare before, telling them what he was doing as the mare danced under him, obeying unseen aids, she held her breath at the sight. It seemed rider and horse was one, molded together into a perfect form.

"All right," Buck and Ike answered in chorus and Lou found herself nodding. What she was agreeing to, she had no idea.

Kid came walking towards her and her knees almost buckled under her. Suddenly Lightning seemed enormous.

"Already?"

"I'll hold him so you can get up."

 _Get up? He wants me to get up? I'm gonna fall flat on my face and make a complete fool of myself. Get up? Oh Mother what have I gotten myself into?_

"Just turn the stirrup to yourself, it'll get easier once you've done it a couple of times. It looks harder than it is."

 _Looks downright impossible to me. That stirrup thing is at level with my nose. Am I supposed to get my foot into that?_

Kid stood patiently holding the horse and Lou had no other alternative than trying. Getting the foot into the stirrup was really easier than it looked, she must be more bendable than she thought. Now it was just a question of finding the strength to get the rest of herself up too. She jumped on one leg once and then tried again and cursed as she didn't get even halfway up. The third time she gathered all her strength and suddenly found herself standing in the stirrup.

"Just throw your leg over gently and sit down. Nice and easy. I'll help you get the gear adjusted. You're a natural Lou, one can tell you're fit." He smiled at her while he was doing something to the leather straps by her legs. Lou felt herself blush. She was a disaster but Kid did his best to install some faith into her. Sitting there, it seemed so high, she was high above the ground, a living creature under her. She stroke the strong neck. It felt wonderful. She took the reins into her hands and felt assured at Kid's encouraging smile at her.

"Be a good boy," he patted Lightning and walked over to help Buck.

Lightning would be a good boy, Lou decided. They'd both be good. She finally gave herself time to take in the new sensation of the horse under her as it stood perfectly still. She relaxed and let her hands sink lower, the horse answered by relaxing too. Lou was astonished to find that her own mood was transmitted to the horse so easily. Kid jumped onto his horse and beckoned for them to follow as he started walking the mare in a wide circle. Lou held her breath as Lightning started moving. With long steps he carried her forward and suddenly the stable feeling was lost. But it still felt safe and she relaxed slowly as they continued walking the same route. She listened to Kid's instructions and imprinted them in her mind. Learning how to stop and turn the horse under her, learning to read the horse herself. It was fairly easy, she felt connected to the horse. Picking up a trot it became bumpier and she listened carefully to Kid telling them to squeeze their lower legs around the horse for balance. It actually worked and Lou cracked a smile. She only had to squeeze her legs the slightest and Lightning picked up speed, making his steps longer. When she gently pulled the reins, he answered by slowing down. Time fled as they followed Kid in different gaits and different directions. Lou loved every minute of it. She was disappointed when Kid announced that the hour was up.

"Already?" she asked, halting Lightning at his side. "Can't we go on for a little longer, I'm loving this."

"Tell me Lou, how do your legs feel?"

"Well," she grinned, "I'm not actually sure I have any legs left from the hip down but who cares?"

Ike slid down from his horse and found himself sitting on the ground. "Ouch," he said, looking surprised. Buck chuckled while he climbed down and staggered when his feet touched the ground. Kid jumped down from his horse and seemed unaffected.

"Weaklings," Lou giggled at the sight of her fellow team-members moaning as they walked. Kid smiled teasingly and walked up to stand by Lightning's side. The mare tagging behind him.

 _Oh I'll show you that there's nothing to it._ She grinned at Kid.

The moment her feet touched the ground a thousand muscles screamed out in protest and she had to grip the saddle for support. Kid's arm nestled itself around her waist, holding her up. For a fraction of a second Lou contemplated giving in and leaning onto him, just to feel him. But then her pride took over.

"I'm fine, nothing to it!"

"You sure Lou? I gave you a real hard time. Wasn't my intention bein' hard on you it's just that we have so little time."

"We're fine," Buck groaned, "just point me to the closest cushioned chair. I don't know which suffers more, my butt or my legs."

Lou laughed, holding onto the saddle. Buck was so right. It hadn't felt half as painful on the horse as off the horse. She was actually numb from her hips down.

"You still have legs?" Ike wondered. "Must'a left mine somewhere, coz the ones I'm walkin' on definitely belong to someone else. Hurt too much."

"Hate to break this to you but you ain't done yet. It's time to take care of the horses." As Kid spoke with his arm still around her waist, Lou felt his voice vibrate through her body. _Oh please take care of me instead Kid, she begged in her mind, not quite seeing how she was going to be able to let go of the saddle and try standing on her own._

With loud moans the boys started for the barn and Lou shifted more of her weight onto her feet. Kid waited for her as she turned and pulled the reins over Lightning's head. With his arm still around her waist, they started walking. Lou suspected it wasn't just the ride making her knees wobble.

 

 

Noah staggered inside and found Rachel sitting at the table, liniment ready. He was sick everywhere and strongly contemplated returning to the cupola where horses where seen only at the zoo. Teaspoon was a hard teacher, he surely didn't half carry anybody inside as Kid had done with Lou.

"Why ain't you out riding Rach? Why are you being spared?"

"Because I know how to ride, Noah. Don't you worry, in a week or so it'll get better."

"You mean you did this willingly? Sat on a horse and were pounded to raw meat?"

"Loved it too," Rachel smiled and took his coat. "It's been a while but I'm sure it'll come back to me. Why don't you take a load off and wait for dinner, it'll be ready soon. I'm just waiting for Sam and Emma to come back from the drive and we'll eat."

"You say sit down? Sit? Are you pulling my damned leg, woman? I'm not sitting ever again!"

"Yeah you are," Rachel said and pushed him backwards to the chair in the corner. Noah found the edge of the chair stopping him and his knees bent by themselves and he more fell than sat down in the chair.

"See, you're sitting." Rachel grinned with her face only an inch from his. "Told you so!"

Noah peered at her. "Woman - now that you've gotten me to sit I won't ever get up again, I swear."

"Yeah, you will. When I open that oven and your nose gets a sniff of what I've cooked up, you'll be up so fast from that chair you'll surprise yourself." Rachel turned to the next man staggering in to the kitchen. "Hey Jimmy, you look beat."

"Women," Noah smiled at her, knowing she was right. He had seldom been as hungry as he felt right now.

"Torture," Jimmy groaned, dragging himself towards an empty chair, "pure senseless torture."

Kid walked in looking like he had been out on a leisurely walk and Jimmy moaned at the sight of him. "Stop looking that damned happy," he growled in Kid's direction.

Cody and Ike walked in, making wry faces at every step. Ike stopped his painful strides at Jimmy's words. With a smile he started whistling "When a man loves a woman." Cody grinned in the Kid's direction, blinking his eyes as if he was flirting - exaggeratedly.

Buck had to laugh in midst of the pain he was in.

Lou walked in on a bunch of hysterically laughing men and a blushing Kid. Rachel and Noah peered at her and she understood absolutely nothing. Looking at Kid she tried to figure out what was going on. Kid turned on his heels and walked out again, muttering something about forgetting to feed the chickens.

Ike, with a seemingly endless repertoire of olden goodies, struck up "Love hurts" between fits of laughter.


	5. Chapter 5

Lou lay in her bed, staring up into the ceiling. A week had gone by and she had talked to Sean maybe twice, she never seemed to find the time any longer. All the tasks that needed to be done around the homestead were keeping her from telling Sean what she knew needed to be told. But instead of sitting down and calling him up, telling him she needed to be free, she volunteered for all sorts of jobs. So on top of doing all the micro-biological analyzes of the ground, the four cows' milk, the eggs and the checks on the mitochondrial mutations in them all, she one day found herself sitting behind a horse, harrowing a field. And then she usually stayed out late in the stables, grooming Lightning till he shone. Keeping an eye on the soon due mares when Kid occasionally had some other things to take care of.

Kid, who she had barely seen these past three days. He was sleeping in the stables next to the mares, expecting them to have their foals at any minute. Their scoldings that the monitors would check on them and wake him up when things started happening didn't heed him from walking out to the barn real late at night. Looking more tired every day. Both Emma and Rachel had tried to talk some sense into him but both had utterly failed. This morning there had been a new foal, a beautiful little thing with the tiniest of hooves. Kid had looked like he was the father of the wonder himself as he showed off the newcomer. There was one more to be born soon, then it would take two weeks before the other mares were due. Lou wondered if he'd stay all that time in the stables. Watching his beloved mares?

He rode his mare faithfully once a day, never missing it even though he looked like he was about to fall out of the saddle from pure exhaustion.

Lou cringed at the fact that she was thinking about he vet again. _I should really tell Sean!_

She turned back onto her side and sighed. Seemed like it was going to be a long night, she was sleepy but just couldn't fall asleep. Too many things on her mind. All these new things she was experiencing, and learning. The beauty outside that the people back home had never been allowed to see, feel or touch. Many of them didn't even wish to. She wondered which of her friends back home would have actually enjoyed harrowing a field and helping Emma and Sam sow it? Or help Buck on his daily measurements of oxygen and carbon monoxide and dioxide measurements to help him lay the weather charts to plan the next step in their agronomic endeavors. Or Ike's plans for the new infra-structuring. Who would crawl on their knees and measure the soil's stability for building dirt roads? All this was hands on, finding new ways to go about things that didn't even exist in the old world. In the old world nobody cared about stones on the way to the fields, they had just shoved them away and never thought of them again. Causing earth-layers to start disheveling, to finally overwhelm the whole structure, ending in chaos.

To both Ike and Buck, those stones were meant to be there. Man had to find ways not to change nature, to collaborate instead. Working together with all of them, each and everyone pitching in where needed was a new concept that did not exist in the old world. And it felt so right, it felt like it was meant to be. And then the man she had recently met, a man that stayed day and night in the stables as it seemed. A man that, when he smiled, sent her shivering. Actually, just seeing him did something to her.

"Oh brother," Lou sighed and turned to her back again. "You know it can never be, you signed a contract." _I should really tell Sean._

"Tomorrow." Lou told herself, "tomorrow I will pick up the EA and tell him... it's not fair to him, it's not fair to any of us. Him back there and me here. It's just that it ...won't ever work out the way we are living right now. Besides Sean is a cupola-kind-of-man. He would hate it out here. I'm sure. And I don't think I can ever go back."

She decided staying in bed was futile, she had already gotten a couple of hours sleep, what had waken her in the middle of the night, she had no idea. But she knew she wouldn't get any sleep in a while, and staying tossing and turning in a bed didn't seem fruitful, just as well stretch her legs.

Stepping out of the room, she automatically glanced at the door to Kid's room. She couldn't tell if he was in there or not. Maybe he had come upstairs while she was sleeping? Pausing and holding her breath, she tried to listen for sounds of him sleeping. But she just couldn't tell. With a sigh, she turned and walked down the stairs.

It was a warm night, summer was truly on its way. She felt like whistling as she turned the corner. A silhouette caught her eyes. "Jimmy?"

The young man sitting on the porch, turned to watch her, visibly surprised. "Lou? What you doin' up?"

Lou walked over to sit at his side on the cool wood. "I ask the same, Jimmy, can't sleep?"

"Just thinkin'," Jimmy admitted and stared out into the night.

"'Bout what?" Lou persisted. "Somebody far away, difficult to get a hold of? Not been answering your calls?"

Jimmy chuckled. "No, Lou, but now I know what you're doin' up."

Lou had to smile at Jimmy playing the psychologist, but then again, maybe he was right, in a way. Only she was the one that was hard getting a hold of. "I'm glad you're not the psych, Jimmy, you stink at it."

"Really?" Jimmy turned to look at her with interest. "So tell me, how is that boyfriend of yours? What was his name again?"

"Sean," Lou informed him and looked to the ground.

"Lou, don't worry, we still don't know how well the communications are working. Maybe you didn't get through to him, the cupolas further away have been having troubles getting through to us, you know that."

"Actually," Lou started and then paused and played with the dirt at her toes. "I haven't even tried to get in touch with him. He seems so far away somehow. Everything has changed since I came here."

Jimmy watched her intently and nodded. "I know it has."

"You got somebody back there, Jimmy?"

"Nobody special," Jimmy admitted and turned to look into the night again, "I don't think I'll ever have anybody special."

"Celinda and Nathaniel are getting married you know, she told me. That's special."

"Sure is," Jimmy nodded with a soft smile. "Won't ever happen to me thou. How about you and Sean, did you ever...?"

"Never," Lou replied fervently, shaking her head as to underline the unthinkable in it.

"Not that special, huh?"

Lou shook her head again, no there must be something else involved if there was to be any kind of serious commitment. What it was, she really had no idea. And right now she didn't feel like talking about it any longer either. "Kid still with the mares?"

Jimmy's face split into a knowing grin. Lou rose to her feet to escape Jimmy's subtle teasing.

"Checkin' up on him are we?" Jimmy asked from behind her as they walked to the barn.

"Just wanna see if somethin's happening in there, has nothing to do with Kid bein' there!"

"Uh huh."

Lou could tell Jimmy was smiling by the tone of his voice. She snorted in his direction and walked briskly over to the barn. There was a soft yellowish light in the far end of the building, she determinedly steered her steps in that direction. She really was checking on the mares, nothing else. Kid could use a hand, weren't they there to help each other out? Why shouldn't she be checking on the mares too?

She cautiously opened the door to step in as soundlessly as possible, Jimmy slid in right behind her.

Kid stood leaning on the sturdy wall of the large foaling stall and turned as they stepped in. He smiled in their direction; "She's halfway through."

Lou hurried to step up besides him and peek inside the stall. Jimmy groaned, he wasn't keen on much blood and rested safely a few steps behind.

Inside the stall the mare was lying on her side, breathing heavily. Small legs sticking out of her, covered in what looked like a sac. "Is she okay?" she asked the Kid worriedly.

"Doing fine, look!"

Louise turned back and found a new foal lying in the straw. The mare neighed softly, the coat sweaty and the flanks still heaving. Kid opened the door and walked in, talking softly to both the mother and the newborn. Opening the amniotic sac, he freed the tiny stallion. Cleaning its nostrils, he smiled as the foal took its first breaths and opened the eyes to look at the world. He was already raising his head, trying to look around.

Lou dared not breathe to disturb the moment. It was so beautiful, so solemn. A new little life had been born, a new adventure had begun. She looked at the Kid stroking the foal with a soft rag, talking to it and checking it out. The foal showed no signs of fear, just bewilderment. It must be wondering where the hell it was at? Minutes passed by and Lou just stood there watching what was happening inside.

"You okay, girl?" Kid asked the mare as if he expected an actual answer. The horse scrambled to her feet in response. Walking straight over to the foal, she lowered her head to look at what she had accomplished. She must have been real proud since she made low noises at the foal, encouraging it to get up on its hooves. Kid stepped away to let nature take its course. At the gentle pushes of the mare, the foal started struggling to get to its feet. The little one struggled, falling down on his nose to then rise and seconds after, the hind legs gave in. Lou wanted to tell the Kid to help out but he just stood there watching. Finally the little one stood on shaking legs and the mare neighed softly once again, encouraging it to take its first meal. Kid walked up to the foal and put his hands on both sides of the small trunk. "I'll help you find the way," he told the little one and gently steered him right.

Jimmy had finally worked up the nerve to walk up to her side to have full vision. "The proud father," he chuckled at her side.

Lou's eyes were brimming with tears at the sight before her eyes. The proud mother nursing her little one, natures wonder happening right before her eyes.

Kid walked out from the stall and rested besides her. He must have seen how taken she was. Leaning in to look at her, he smiled. "Beautiful ain't it?"

She just nodded, unable to take her eyes off the pair in the stall. Tears dimming her sight. She wanted to rest her head against Kid's chest and forever dwell in this precise moment.

"Go get yourself cleaned up Kid, we'll keep an eye on them," Jimmy prodded him.

Kid nodded and walked away to get out of the dirty coverall.

Lou waited until he was out of hearing range until she looked at Jimmy. "He needs some sleep, Jimmy. He looks so beat."

"Who, the foal?" Jimmy asked with a grin.

"Jimmy," Lou groaned at his teasing, "don't start."

Jimmy chuckled happily. "Lou, I just gotta tell ya , you two have great parentin' skills. Ever though about doin' somethin' about it?"

"Jimmy," she wheezed as Kid's steps were heard coming out of the tack room."Shut up!"

"What's so funny," Kid asked as he walked up to them, still wiping his hands on a towel, bewildered at Jimmy's happy chuckles.

"Parenting skills," Jimmy clarified and took a firm hold of Kid's upper arm, turning him to the door.

"What?" Kid asked and threw a glance over his shoulder at Lou, still standing by the stall.

"Just found something out," Jimmy said and nodded for Lou to come along when he started pushing Kid to the door.

Lou ran to catch up with them, wondering if she'd have to kick Jimmy to have him shut up. Reaching Kid's side, she shrugged her shoulders, indicating she had no idea what Jimmy was talking about. Jimmy shot her an amused smile. Kid's eyes darted between the two of them while he was pushed through the door into the cool air outside. "Jimmy, are you okay?" he inquired.

"Oh, I'm splendid," Jimmy mused. "It's just so funny, that's all."

 _Jimmy shut up or I'll kill you, I really will. I'll wring your neck and trample all over you if you speak another word!_ Lou felt her cheeks go hot as she walked by their side. Kid in the middle, glancing at them both while they walked to the house.

"Is he okay, Lou?" He tried anew since Jimmy's leering continued.

"Sleep deprivation I'd guess," Lou stuttered in response, not able to meet with Kid's eyes.

With a hand firmly on Kid's elbow, pushing him forward Jimmy peered at him. "Admit it Kid, you're dying to have 'little ones' yourself, only being the monk ain't helping things, am I right?"

"Being the what?" Kid stopped stone cold, freeing himself from Jimmy's hold. Turning to glare at him. "What the hell are you rambling about?"

"Don't tell me you didn't know? Folks call you the monk coz' you ain't... you know.... much...hell, you know!"

"The monk?" Kid sputtered, "I'm being called 'the monk'?"

Lou felt the tension grow between the two of them as Kid stepped up to Jimmy, staring him down.

"I thought you knew!" Jimmy defended himself, throwing his hands up in the air. "Hell I wasn't the one starting it."

Lou stepped in between the two of them, grabbing both their arms. "Can you debate this sometimes later? It's 3 a.m. and you both need your rest! You can discuss this another time?"

"You knew too, Lou?" Kid turned to watch her, hurt in his eyes.

Lou decided to feign not hearing him. "Come on, both of you. Kid, you need a hot shower and some sleep."

His anger had obviously blown over and he tagged along after her, defeated. "You could have told me, Jimmy."

"I swear I thought you knew, I thought you used it to keep them ladies at bay!"

"Right," Kid muttered, "don't sleep around and they call you the monk! Nice world we live in."

"I'm sorry Kid, I had no idea!" Jimmy boxed him friendly, "I should'a known better. Just...well, good night, both of ya!" He ran up the stairs and disappeared behind the curve. Leaving both of them staring up the stairs, surprised at his hasty disappearing. Kid was left looking desolate and Lou gripped his sleeve again, prompting him on.

"You need a shower and some rest, Kid, before you keel over. Get some sleep, dammit!"

She glanced back at him, following her up the stairs silently, he looked so mortified. Wasn't nice hearing those things, she knew that for a fact. Wasn't nice knowing people assumed things about you, called you things that were hurtful and depreciative. She stopped as they reached the bathroom door and turned to face him. "I know Kid, hearing those things people say about you, I mean...it happened to me too. Guess what they called me in school." Pausing she waited until he looked at her.

"Flatliner," she told him.

He just looked at her, wrinkling his brow.

"Well, look at me, ain't exactly the...you know...I don't have, well whatever you men look for in a woman. I just don't have it."

"Louise," Kid shook his head and a sad smile formed in his eyes. "You know they were wrong, don't you? You're beautiful. All men don't just look for...well.. you know. It was really cruel to call you something like that."

"What I did to the dude was cruel, Kid. People just talk, don't mean nothing by it, I guess."

Kid nodded slightly and Lou felt an urge to kiss him. To throw her arms around him and have him hold her close. She found her eyes locked in his once again. There was no denying the fact that she wanted him. She broke loose and pushed him inside the bathroom, once again having to hide from him not to have her emotions take over.

"Get into the shower, I'll go get you a NuD, strawberry, right?"

She was halfway down the stairs before his answer reached her. "You don't have to..."

"Get that shower," she cracked and fled to the kitchen.

 

Arriving at the fridge, she leaned her brow on the cool surface. _What the hell prompted me to tell him that? What the hell is happening to me, I never told that to anybody! Really pointing out your best sides to him aren't you? You promised not to ever tell anybody about it and how much it hurt you. I'm losing it. I open my mouth around him and all sorts of things come blabbering out. Everybody's gonna know about it tomorrow and they will start watching me differently. I dealt with that one already, it was over with. Why the hell did I tell him?_

With a groan she sank down on a chair at the table and rested her face in her hands. That name had hurt her so deeply back then. It had belittled her. Making her feel less than the others. She had tried to forget the feeling for so long and now she was telling the Kid about it? Tomorrow Jimmy was gonna know and Cody was gonna have a blast about it. Their looks would tell.

 _If you don't watch out, Louise, that man will know everything about you soon. All your demons will be laid out before him to trample all over. You know not to trust anybody like that, you've learned that the hard way. Don't go putting your trust in anybody but yourself you fool!_

"Not that it matters what they'll say," she reminded herself out loud. "When they find out how you feel about this man they will throw you out of here so fast it'll whistle in your ears. You signed a contract willingly and there was that statement of no special treatment. No drooling over anybody in the team! You can dream about him, fantasize all you want but there can never be anything. Hell, when this place is colonized, he will probably be shipped out to the next place! And so will you! Stick to Sean and just dream about the Kid!"

Sean! Still she had done nothing about him. The safe Sean, the one who loved her more than she loved him. She strongly suspected she was getting a taste of her own medicine with the Kid. Now she knew what it meant to want somebody so much it hurt. _I just can't do it to him, I have to see what happens. Maybe this infatuation will blow over and I'll realize that Sean really is the one. I just can't do it to him.  
_  
She rose from the table, finally having reached a solution to the problem. She just wouldn't tell. Coz' nothing had really happened between her and Kid, had it? Maybe it never would and years from now she would be cursing the fact that she let Sean go.

Feeling better she reached for a glass to fill it and bring it up to the Kid. Shaking her head, she had to smile at her own behavior, her hormones surely were playing havoc with her. Making her act like a looney, it would blow over and she'd be back to her normal self.

Tramping the stairs again, she felt confident.

Then the bathroom door opened and she got a peek of what was inside. She froze to her place. Half-naked he stood inside, his back to her while he neatly hung a towel onto its holder. She watched his strong back narrow into hips. Only a towel around his waist. Then he turned to walk out, stopping in the doorway, startled by her presence.

"Oh," he said and looked mortified to find her staring at him. "I thought you were...." catching her eyes, he grew silent.

She looked at him from his head to his toes. The tall figure with a muscular chest. The damp hair curling at the neck, his tanned skin. The shyness in his eyes as they fell on hers. The strong arms holding on to the door frame. He stood like frozen to his place.

"Brought you this," she finally cracked. Ashamed of her own staring. "Didn't know you were ready, thought I'd put it on your nightstand." Her hand shook as she extended the glass to him. Stepping up the last step to get away from there, to get inside her safe room and stop herself from embarrassing herself and him all over again.

His hand around her wrist, burning hot, sending shivers up her spine. Surprised she looked at him, facing him fully. His hand holding her wrist, tenderly, as if to still it. The other freeing her from the trembling glass. Her heart stopped. Would he scold her for her dreams and fantasies, would he tell her straight out that he didn't like flatliners? Would he laugh at her?

"Louise," he said and something in his voice made her toes curl and she had to catch her breath.

She was going to tell him how sorry she was, that she couldn't help how she felt. That it was only temporary and it would pass. That she would never disturb him again. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the reprimand in the gentle eyes. She felt him move. Then his arms wrapped around her and she was pulled into an embrace.

"Lou," he breathed against her lips and kissed her softly, resting his lips on hers.

She moaned and couldn't help deepening the kiss. Tasting his tongue as her arms wrapped around his neck. The kiss was like nothing she had ever experienced before. It aroused every cell in her body, sending them tingling against each other. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think, just feel. She had to hold onto him not melt into a shivering entity. Kid broke the kiss and loosened his hold on her.

"I'm sorry Lou, forgive me. Oh God, what am I doing? You're engaged!"

"No," she whispered breathlessly, "no Kid, never was."

She reached up to kiss him lightly on the lips again and drowned once more within a kiss. His passion sweeping through her, a need so strong she was startled. She just leaned in on him and took him and the kiss in, savoring every nanosecond that passed. Whatever happened after this, she at least knew what kisses where supposed to be like. This kiss would forever be nestled in her being, a sensation so strong it momentarily deleted everything else that had ever happened to her. There was just the two of them and the kiss.

Then there was the sound of a closing door.

They let go of each other, both surprised at what they had let happen. Without thinking Lou turned and ran into her room. Shivering, she closed the door behind her and leaned up against it. Slowly sliding down to sit on the floor in front of the door as reality hit her. With trembling hands, she touched her own lips and fought to get her breathing back to normal. Then she remain looking at her own shivering hands and realized these were moments she would never forget.

 

 

Kid found himself face to face with Noah. Trying to get his wits together from what had happened between him and Louise, he failed miserably at trying to look like nothing had occurred. He knew his breathing was too quick, his stance must have told Noah all he needed to know about what had just happened. Even if he never actually had seen anything, Kid knew everything about him told Noah about the kiss. Louise had been so quick that Kid felt paralyzed, empty as she left his embrace. It was all his fault and he would be the one to leave, he really shouldn't have let his passion take over. She had him lose all the control just by standing by his side. And he already longed to hold her again. Even if it couldn't be, not here and not now. Maybe never.

He watched Noah and tried to assess if he would have to pack his bags tonight?

"Forgot to floss," Noah informed when he noticed Kid's uneasiness. "Just woke up and realized." Noah looked calmly at him, realizing Kid might think he would use what he just had seen against the two of them, reporting them to higher instances. "Glad to see you back inside, Kid. Everything okay?"

Kid just nodded, waiting for Noah to continue and tell him to start packing the bags and get the hell outta there.

"Good, take a day off tomorrow, you've been working yourself to the bones. Take Louise for a ride or something. God knows she's been the eager beaver too. You both need a day off. "

If Noah would have struck him, he couldn't have surprised him more. "Huh?" Was all he got out. Getting out of the way to let Noah inside, Kid wondered if it was some kind of cruel joke.   
"Lou?" he finally cracked, wondering if Noah was telling him something between the lines? Something he didn't understand right now, his mind still being tuned to Lou's kiss.

"Yeah, Lou! What's a matter Kid, need me to get the Invitae out? You seem kind of flushed!"

"I'm fine..I'm fine, really!" To avoid giving Noah ulterior cues, he turned to get inside his room and make out a plan how to save Lou.

"Don't forget the NuD Lou brought ya," Noah reminded him.

Kid stopped and his head sank, he knew they had been spotted, he knew losing control lead to disaster. "Look Noah, it was all my fault, she didn't want to, it was ...."

"Looked pretty much into it both of you, if I may say so."

Kid turned to look at him, stupefied at the amused tone in Noah's voice. Perplexed he watched Noah's grinning face.

"Look Kid, I knew probably before you knew it yourselves. See the analysis told me so, it changed dramatically the first day. The day you first saw each other." Noah had to chuckle at Kid's blushing face. "Don't worry Kid, I won't tell. I have a feelin' it's all right anyways. Just try and keep a low profile till we find out for sure if HuRec will react. Okay? Even without the scientific proof, it's pretty darned hard not to recognize the symptoms."

"So you won't tell?"

"Naw, don't worry."

"Thanks Noah."

"Let's just say you owe me one. And for God's sake get some sleep, now!"

Noah smiled as a shaken and stirred young vet walked to his room. How come they had thought what they were feeling was not to be noticed? Did they really think they were all blind? He felt a strong urge to do as Ike always did and start whistling an appropriate tune, but this probably wasn't the right time after all. He'd have to check himself out througly one of these days, couldn't for his life figure out why he kept feeling like whistling all the time?


	6. Chapter 6

The alarm went off like a red alert, Lou cracked her eyes open and cursed vehemently. She had barely gotten two hours of sleep. Laying in bed, tossing and turning endlessly, thinking about what had happened, wondering why it had happened? And who was it that saw them? Would her adventure stop here, because she just had to kiss a goddamned monk? She definitely needed her head checked out! Having prepared herself for this ever since she heard about the colonization plans four years ago, she now stooped into drooling! What had happened to her? Was this the effect the wilderness had on people? In that case, she wouldn't recommend it to anyone!

Rolling out of bed, she moaned, waiting for a command to get to Teaspoon's office. Being told to pack her bags and wait for the ASA to take her away from here. And she would have no excuses either, she had kissed him and she would not hesitate to do it again. She'd have to have her hormonal-balance checked out and balanced, it was all getting to weird to handle. She had to get away to one of the cupolas and have some medication for this darned affliction she was suffering from. _God knows, I can't tell Noah, he'll put two and two together and that'll be it, I have to come up with something to get myself outta here!  
_  
She felt absolutely paranoid as she stepped out of her room to get a shower. Cringing at the thought that there might have to be some meeting with the two of them being interrogated about what happened last night. She could almost see it before her eyes, the two of them sitting at the end of the kitchen table while the rest of them made fun of their predicament. Ike would start whistling softly and Cody would serve wisecracks. Sam would look at her and there would be resentment in his eyes, resentment and sadness at her letting them down. They had become a well functioning team and she had split it up. The thought of what Teaspoon would tell them had her close her eyes and lean up against the wall. The sermon would certainly be very long and very painful.

"Lou, you all right?"

She opened her eyes and tried to smile in Emma's direction. Did she know? "I'm fine, a little tired that's all."

"Sam told me you've being doin' too much work lately. It's not meant to be a camp Lou, don't need to work yourself to the bones."

"I'm not Emma, I promise, there's just so much to do."

Emma laid her arm over Lou's shoulders and steered her inside the bathroom. "Well Lou, you don't have to do everything yourself, you know. I've hardly seen you inside these past days! It's time to slack off Lou, really. I mean it, you can't work yourself sick!"

"I won't," she promised. Wanting so bad to tell Emma about her real sickness, the weakness in her knees and the need to be around a man she found irresistible. The urge to break all HuRec rules. She wanted to confess and have it out in the open, she wanted a confidant. Glancing at Emma while she slid into the shower, she debated with herself whether to open herself up to the older woman or not? Surely she would find a way to talk about it without letting Emma know who she was referring to? Flicking the water on, she closed her eyes and let it rain softly over her, like hoping it would bring her old self back.   
"Emma! Have you ever been in love? I mean like the thing they talk about in those old books."

There was a long pause and Lou flicked the water off, had she revealed too much already? "Emma?"

There was sound of water running in the cubicle next to hers. "I was married, Lou!"

"I know, you told me. But were you in love in that old-fashioned way?"

Emma chuckled and the water was turned off. "Old-fashioned way? Is there any other way?"

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking."

"Miss Sean do you? It must be hard on you to stay so far away from him."

Lou flicked the water back on, watching the soap run down the drain, she knew that her feelings for Sean had somehow gone that same way since she'd been out here. They'd disappeared right down the emotional drain.   
"That's just it Emma, I don't know if I ever really loved him."

Emma smiled and covered herself in the soft towel. So Louise was finally starting to realize what was happening. But when would she ever admit to it, when would the two of them take the final step and admit it to themselves? Or maybe Kid already had, but that shy way of his really called for Lou to take the first step. Emma pondered if she'd step out on the thin ice and ask her straight out. Lou had that faculty to shut herself out if she wanted to. And to top it off, there was the contract.   
"Lou, don't get mad or anything, but I've just been wondering...I mean it's kinda obvious that you and the Kid...." Stopping to listen for reactions of anger from the inside the booth with the running water, she decided to continue as nothing happened. "Kinda like each other, is that what's..."

"You saw us?" Lou stormed out of the booth, almost tripping over the towel she was covering herself in. "Please Emma, don't tell anyone. I promise it won't happen again. I don't wanna leave!"

"Whoa girl, what are you rambling about. Saw who and what?"

"Shit," Lou exclaimed realizing she had jumped to conclusions and given Emma reasons to wonder. Looking at the woman in front of her, she bit down on her lip, cursing herself for the mistake she had made.

"Lou? What's a matter?" Emma asked softly, "what upsets you so much?" Struggling to get her clothes on, she peered at Lou, standing barefoot on the floor, looking downright guilty.

"Damn it Emma, I kissed him. I kissed a member of this team and I swear to God it'll never happen again. Give me restricted duties, lock me in my room for a week, just don't force me to leave!"

Emma just couldn't help herself, she giggled at the frenzied antics of the young woman. Laughing she sank to the bench by the wall.   
"Oh Lord, Lou," she giggled. "I thought you had killed somebody and buried him in the backyard or something like that."

"Huh?"

"Sit down Lulabelle, it was just a kiss!"

Hesitantly Lou sat down by her side, looking at the woman trying hard to hide her merriment.

"Lou, don't worry 'bout a kiss. Heck if that is reason enough to get kicked out, Sam and me would never have been on the same team."

"I thought there was some kind of special agreement concerning him and you. Didn't think it applied to you two."

"Everybody's signed the exact same contract. I don't think there ever was any words about not kissing in there."

"No but the thing about no special treatment and stuff. The HuRec officer that sealed my signature told me this couple that fell in love was removed! I gathered that..."

"Lou!" Emma smiled sadly at her, "that's not why you're scared is it? The contract is just something you're hiding behind. There's other reasons for being scared of falling in love? Right?"

Lou stared at her teammate, how much did she know about her? How come this woman knew about her mistrust in men, her refusal to believe in their words and promises? Did she know that ever since her father walked out on them, leaving her mother devastated and bitter, Lou had promised herself not to ever fall in love with anybody. That whatever happened, she would keep her head cool and never fall to pieces over a man. That she never would share the fate of her mother, becoming bitter and hateful. Her father had made her mother an emotional mess the day he announced he was leaving them and walked out, never to be heard from again. Discarding her and her mother like they were nothing, like used crap. She would never be used like that, she'd be the user, never the other way around.

"I know Lou - because I've been there. I hated him, oh God how I hated him. But then I met Sam and I understood you can't just judge all men by one's mistakes. They're human too, some fail others do better. But I've been there!"

"I'll never trust any of them," Lou sputtered, "if you can't trust your own damned father, who can you trust? Only yourself and it seems that lately I have been having troubles in that department too."

"Another torn soul," Emma smiled at her. "Seems like the world is filled with us. Torn in one way or the other."

"Well yeah," Lou sighed deeply, "and I have a feeling this one will be torn to pieces." Shrugging she bent down to ease herself into her pants. Relieved for having told Emma, not in so many words but she somehow sensed Emma understood her. Like she said, she had been there too.

"Lou," Emma called, "I think he's just as scared as you are. Ever think of that?"

Lou stopped struggling to get her still damp leg into the tight pants. "Why on earth would he be scared?"

"One's not called 'the monk' for nothing. I bet there's something that's holding him back, to make him cautious. Something he's hiding just as deep inside as you are hiding that mistrust. I told you, the world is filled with torn souls, don't ever think that there is such a thing like the perfect human being."

"Well," Lou admitted, "he sure as hell didn't kiss like no monk!" Her cheeks instantly flashed red and she peeked at Emma. "I mean..."

"Get yourself down for breakfast Lulabelle," Emma chuckled and ruffled her hair as she rose and walked out.

 

Lou remain sitting on the bench, fully clothed but unable to get up and face the others downstairs. Some of them knew and might use it against her. Just like her father had used her love for him against her. Loving made you vulnerable, it made you prone to hurting like nothing else. "The hell I will let him do this to me!" She cursed and got to her feet. "No man will ever stop me from doing anything, not my father and certainly not a monk. It was a mistake and it won't happen again."

She had to take a deep breath as she walked into the large kitchen, everybody was already up. Jimmy teasing Kid something fierce since he hardly seemed able to keep his eyes open. She carefully avoided to look at anyone of them when she sat down by Ike's side, gratefully accepting the cup of cafs sent to her. But she still felt Kid's gaze on her as she stared down into the black liquid and stirred it nervously. When Kid finally diverted his eyes back to his food, she looked up to try and assess who it was that had stepped out into the corridor last night and seen them.

Nobody let on, Ike sat toying with his EA, grunting as Buck leaned in over him to get the bread. Buck smiled in her direction as Ike lost hold of the EA and it dropped onto the plate with a clatter.

"Getting floppy-fingered, Ike?"

Ike grunted and stuck the EA back into its place behind his left ear.

"Not the best morning person," Buck teased, "specially when he don't get Emily on the line."

"No, specially when someone sits on the EA and prevents him from getting in touch," Ike muttered good-naturedly.

"Rub it in," Buck mumbled.

Lou had to smile at their squabbling. Rachel cleared her throat and Lou's eyes darted in her direction.

"Eh Jimmy, when you're done givin' the Kid a hard time, would you pass me that bread you've been guardin' with your life?"

"I ain't givin' him a hard time, I was just askin' him at what time Lou finally got him to bed?"

Lou got the cafs down her windpipe and had to gulp for air.

"What the heck are you babblin' about Jimmy, jeez you're downright delusional," Kid wheezed.

"Who got whom to bed?" Cody asked. "I am the official logger you know and these things need to be logged. Very carefully." He leaned over the table and let his eyes wander between the two, sitting at different ends of the table. Both remarkably flushed.

Noah's shoulders trembled from withheld laughter and Rachel suddenly found renewed interest in her food. Noah glanced at her and had to bite down hard on his lower lip as he caught the humor in the green eyes.

Sam titled his chair back and smiled, "Well Kid, any confessions to make? Seem kinda tired, hard night?"

Kid just stayed silent, his eyes automatically wandering over to Lou. Seeing her bent over her cup, coughing slightly, between gasps for air he just ignored them all.

"You all right Lou?"

"Just fine," she wheezed as her throat finally cleared, "splendid!"

"I thought you were supposed to ask that straight afterwards," Jimmy began but was silenced as Kid whacked him hard.

"Hey, both of you calm down," Sam ordered.

Lou just couldn't take it any longer, she rose and fled. "Need some fresh air," she panted and headed for the door.

"Damn you, Jimmy," Kid growled and rose to get out after her. "Can't you see she's almost chokin'."

"Kid, she's..." Emma paused as the Kid took two long steps and was out the same door. "Just fine," she ended the sentence when the door was shut with a loud slammer. "Jimmy," she warned, "leav'em alone. It's hard as it is."

Cody let out a low whistle, "so he ain't a monk after all?"

Noah finally raised his head and watched them all, maybe he had let this go too far. Telling Rachel was enough, the rest of them had absolutely nothing to do with it all. Neither had he, he had just happened to stumble upon them. "Nothing happened, I was up when they came in. Jimmy and her just went to help the Kid with the mares. Jimmy and Kid just, well you know..."

"Dammit," Cody exclaimed, "never anything interesting to log in these parts. So tired of writing about the corns that I could barf! Some spicy details would just make my day."

"Maybe you just got your wish Cody," Teaspoon's voice rang out from behind them. "We've got problems! Just got off HuRec Headquarters. An ASA went down in our territory, and it was carrying Strontium 90, maybe went down in the creek."

 

 

Lou sank down onto the porch, angry at herself for her reaction. Why'd the hell did she let them get to her like that? She had been around males enough to know how they behaved, like loonies with only one thing on their minds. She should be used to it by now, it wouldn't have bothered her before.

"Lou? You okay?" Kid sank down by her side and leaned in to catch her eyes. Sitting so close that their thighs touched. Lou moved nervously away.

"Just needed some air," she said.

Kid extended a hand to lay it on the small of her back. "Lou, they don't know anything, I promise it was just Jimmy being Jimmy and Cody, well you know Cody."

"Yeah," Lou nodded, "I know them. And I also know that what happened last night was a mistake and that it can't happen ever again."

Kid's hand disappeared. "I'm sorry Lou, I never meant to hurt you, I just..."

"I know, was just one of those things. It happens. Let's just see to it it never happens again." She couldn't look at him, his presence so unnerving and so damned tempting all the same.

"Lou, I..."

"Kid! it can't happen again!" Desperately she rose to her feet. "It's just a shallow infatuation anyhow Kid. You don't mean that much to me, not enough to risk anything for."

 _Oh God those eyes! The immense hurt in them as she lied straight to his face, the mortification in them made her want to hug him and ask for forgiveness._ Then he looked down to the ground and it was like her heart was torn into two at the moment she realized how deeply she hurt him with those words. She wanted to tell him that she was lying, that the kiss had stirred up feelings in her that scared the living daylight out of her. That she so easily had fallen in love with him scared the wits out of her. She would have been able to handle sex, but she wasn't able to handle what he evoked in her. Not those strong emotions that lurked somewhere deep inside of her every time she thought, saw or sensed him.

"It's okay Lou, I promise it won't happen again. Thanks for telling me." Rising to his feet, he turned away from her and Lou felt her heart sink like a stone. She just couldn't do this to him, she had to tell him the truth! "Kid!"

He turned back and looked at her. When his sad eyes met with hers, she felt her throat tighten, she had no idea he would take it this hard. "I'm sorry!"

"It's all right, Lou. Don't worry, you're right, I was foolish to think anything else. We better stay apart coz' God knows you mean a lot to me and maybe it's better this way." He cupped his hand around her chin and let his thumb trace her cheek. "I'm sorry, not for kissing you, but for hurting you by doing what I did. Won't happen again, you have my word."

She opened her mouth to protest, to set him straight. There was no time since the door was opened and Sam stuck his head out. "Get back inside you two, we have a problem."

Lou had her umpteenth minor shock the same day. "What?" she cracked.

"We may have strontium floating in the creek," Sam clarified. "Can't get the vessel pinpointed, need to search by horse."

Lou felt relieved the problem wasn't Kid and her. Then reality hit her and she stumbled in after them. With strontium in the creek, their days on Nebraska territory might be counted after all. To her relief her brain finally took command over her and she was all business again.

Leaning her elbows on the table, she pierced her eyes into Teaspoon's; "When, where and how much?"

Teaspoon sighed and slumped down into the chair. "That's the problem, we have no idea! Seems like the signals are scrambled or something. All we know is that it came down somewhere around the creek, so we got 5 miles in either direction to check out."

"Signals scrambled?" Ike repeated, "that might..."

"...mean that piracy is involved." Buck finished the sentence.

"That's why you need to be extra careful, we're going out in small groups, sensors ready. If there's a leak, you know what'll happen," Sam added quietly. "All inoculated against radiation? Iodine capsules in store?"

"Yeah," Noah nodded. "We can take half an hour of moderate radiation, maybe 45 minutes, but not anything longer than that."

"There's another thing, better find your weapons. If there's piratism involved, we have the right to shoot." Teaspoon glanced around the room. "Which one of you is adequately trained to carry a loaded gun? Except Jimmy and Sam?"

Lou hesitantly raised her hand, it had been a while but she was a damned good shooter at the time. Teaspoon nodded and let his eyes wander over the rest of the group. Rachel sighed and raised her hand, as did Ike, Buck and Cody.

"I thought you used a gun all the time," Teaspoon asked in the Kid's direction.

"Not for killing, for anesthetizing wild animals. There's a difference."

"Jesus Christ man," Jimmy lashed out. "You would hesitate to shoot even if they poisoned the surroundings? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't wanna kill nobody," Kid mumbled.

"Well heck, then just let them kill us, right? While we stand around and contemplate!" Jimmy stared at the man besides him, not believing what he heard. "You do put animals out of their misery if need be but you can't save us?"

"You're making me start to wonder if I don't outta put you out of your misery!" Kid growled back. His anger finally surfacing.

"Whoa!" Sam stepped to stand between the two. "Take the gun Kid, just in case. And Jimmy, if there's no need to use it, we just don't, understand?"

"Sam's right," Teaspoon cut in. "Noah and Emma don't have a license, the rest of you do. Act in a way that I don't have to revoke it! Noah and Rachel, you come with me, we'll take the ASA and set up camp in case something happens. Sam and Emma search the south part. The rest of you, ride upstream. Most likely there's where it's at, split into smaller groups if need be. And keep them EA's on, when you find it, you let the rest of us know. Don't go trying anything heroic, or I'll have you on milking duty until your teeth fall out. Now let's get them horses saddled and go!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **RPD** \- Remote Programming Device  
>  **ATF** \- Automatic Target Finder

They rode fast, the fresh air and the solid ground allowing them to travel in a fast canter as soon as the horses got warmed up. The horses loving the fast gait, competing with each other, running over the dunes in a rolling canter. Lou smiled as she felt Lightning's strength under her. The horse pushing forward in mighty strides, born to run like this. To have him carry her like this gave her a sense of complete harmony and collaboration. She leaned forward to whisper encouraging words in the flattened ears, surpassing Jimmy and Sundancer. Smiling triumphantly as Lightening reached Katy's side and Kid glanced at her. She was lighter than all of them and that gave her the upper hand. She was getting short of breath herself, standing in the stirrups, allowing the horse to run, following its moves. Then the ground changed from sandy dunes to harder, stony ground and the open field turned into a rocky path. They were rapidly nearing the stream. Lou reluctantly stopped Lightning's pace and made him slow down into a trot, the horse lively under her, still wanting to run flat out. She turned and smiled at the riders following her. For a moment, she forgot the mission and loved the moment. The wild run, the total freedom and the wind blowing her hair back. She wondered if the others had felt it too?

Katy and Kid rode up to her side, and she knew Kid felt it too. There was a expression in his eyes, telling her he felt the unique sensation of horse and human, working together. Without forced submission, only need to please and joy in doing so. She finally understood why Kid loved horses so. Knowing that, she understood him a little better, she understood without having to ponder on it.

"We're close, but we'll have to take it slower," Kid warned the rest over his shoulder.

"You don't say," Jimmy replied. "I just love sitting on a horse without brakes or steering wheel. Specially since its running like the devil was chasing it."

"Or sitting on it," Cody cracked breathlessly while trying to stop his mare from running into Ike's.

Jimmy had to use all his skills to hold Sundancer in the following commotion of horses trampling around and riders trying to calm them while Buck's sensors started to flash red, indicating fluctuating airstreams. Ike's EA emitted a low warning tone and he raised his hand. As on cue they all pulled themselves together, steadying the horses under them and turning their full attention to Ike.

"Unidentified ASA landing," Ike communicated sternly.

"Trouble," Buck affirmed. "Half a mile upstream. I think we found what we're looking for."

They all looked at each other, knowing this was it. Their first real trial. Time to show that they had the situation under control. Time to show they were worthy of the cause.

"Let's go," Kid said, voice firm and determined.

Jimmy kicked his horse into a trot, zig zaging around the trees on the path, they all followed in silence. Only the hooves thundering against the hard ground.

 

 

They spotted the landing ASA as they stumbled alongside the creek on foot. There was no doubt it was a terrorist group in action. The ASA carried all the signs; identification marks covered, the paint shedding due to lack of adequate maintenance. It was an old model, those which were no longer in use by the official government. It hovered over the ground, searching the perfect landing spot near the wreck. Then it finally landed, close to the trees lining the bank.

"Shit," Jimmy groaned as they stopped behind the rock, covered from view. "Ya know what this means folks, shoot before you ask questions."

They remain looking at the spectacle, the wreck on the bank, the men coming out of the landed ASA. All heavily armed, running fast to the goal of their mission; the cargo ASA, the strontium. Lou shuddered at the thought of what might happen if the lethal cargo got into the hands of these men. They worked fast, stripping the light metal of the wreck and getting inside it. Shouting orders to each other. Stern words that arrived unscrambled to the group watching them.

Kid and Ike moved further down behind the rocks, Lou glanced at them, wondering what they were up to?

"Signals still scrambled," Ike pointed out. "But they have a good pilot, he was flying the thing on visual cues."

"Not if he ain't got no eyes to see with he ain't!" Jimmy lashed out. "Let's rush 'em!"

"You're nuts!" Cody growled and took a firm hold of Jimmy, jerking him to the ground. "That thing could be filled with 'em, that vessel holds up to 20 men!"

"You chicken Cody?"

"Shut up both of ya!" Lou intervened irritated, having them two get into an internal fight wasn't the best course of action right now. "We have to find out what is going on, exactly, first!" Lou wheezed, hoping deep inside that maybe, just maybe this was a rescuing action. What if these men weren't who they thought they were after all? What if they were wrong? "Maybe they ain't what we think they are," she ventured."Maybe...."

"So why not walk over and ask, Lou? Hope you brought a low cut dress or something, that outta divert their minds for a moment," Jimmy snorted.

That snide remark had Lou boiling over, her fingers dug into Jimmy's collar as she jerked his head up. "You little prissy asshole you, another word outta you an' you can forever join the boys quire at church, take my word for it."

"Geez Lou!" Jimmy's head snapped back, freeing him from Lou's hard grip. "Ain't it enough with one monk in the congregation?"

"Speaking of which," Buck said as he finally managed to salvage the EAs the combatant trio had managed to spread around. "Where the hell are Ike and Kid?"

"Right behind.... what the hell?" Jimmy rose to his feet, realizing they were no longer behind the rock. "What's he up to now? The goddamned...."

Cody too scrambled to his feet and turned to watch the direction from which they had come. A few moments ago there had not been those marks of trampled grass. "This way," he said. Taking a firm grip on a muttering Jimmy's arm, he dragged him along, in the direction of the tracks left behind. The wind was picking up, damping the sound of their movements.

Keeping their heads low they followed the tracks made by the two. The grass covering them as they made their way to the vessel.

"What the hell kind of a stunt was this to pull on us?" Jimmy groaned as he followed the rest of the group through the high grass. His gun ready, unsecured.

Lou decided to fall behind him, she'd better hold an eye out for him, walking in front of him felt less than safe at the moment. Holding her eye to the muddy ground under her, cursing herself for getting involved in the male struggle for power. "I should have stayed cool," she muttered to herself while she followed Buck and Jimmy. Cody was right behind her, holding the sensors close enough for her to hear too, if it did go off, they would have no other alternative than drop back and see disaster spread like a wild prairie fire. Or die trying to stop it.

Buck stopped and crouched lower, examining the ground under him. "They diverged!"

"What?" Cody stumbled on forward, pushing Lou in front of him. "What ya mean diverged?"

"Kid went that way and Ike took this way! Clear enough for ya?" Buck grunted irritably.

"Why?" Jimmy wondered in a tense voice. Lou turned to watch him, she could see in his eyes that he was thinking the same as she was; the two of them had a plan. A plan that was dangerous. So dangerous they had decided to leave the rest of them out of it.

"They're gonna stop the vessel from taking off!" Buck stated. "I know it. Ike's gonna get close enough to try and get the steering out of order. He's gonna try and prevent them from taking off, and they won't even now what hit them when Ike gets his hands on the control panel!"

"Can he do that?" Cody inquired, "how close do they need to get?"

"Close enough to reprogram the intakes and the air-tunnels, close enough to get killed!" Buck moaned, sinking to the ground. "Damned fool!" he let out, jerking grass up with the roots and throwing it onto the ground.

Lou watched fascinated. Something with Buck's movements stirred up something deep inside her. Then it hit her! ASA's were never allowed to land on anything but sand or solid ground. The ground had to be absolutely flat, and grass would make it difficult for the vessel to read the airstreams and decide the direction to take. "That's how they're gonna do it!" she exclaimed. "The goddamn grass!"

"What?" Buck turned to look at her.

"We need to give them room to work," she insisted, there was no time for them to start pondering on the why's right now. They needed to give them the room to do their work. "We better get to a place where we have full visual of the vessel and then we'll start causing troubles for the terrorists! Follow me!"

She turned and crawled up the rise in front of them, keeping her eyes on the shrubbery. It would cover them enough to let them do their work. With scrambled signals, there was no way for the group in the ASA to keep them under extended vision, that would entail that they themselves were possibly detected. The group worked on actual vision and hearing, no technical aids. Kid and Ike must have understood that and seen their chance.

She reached the top of the ridge and closed her eyes for a moment, half expecting something to happen. Clinching her teeth, she waited for bullets to start flying or the greenish light of the argon laser to detect her and warn the men below. Jimmy crawled to her side and she opened her eyes. The vessel was down on the bank, softly humming, like the sound of a soft wind blowing. The wreck lay in the stream, the top ripped off. The cockpit devastated. Men were walking back and forth, carrying large boxes between them. Heavy boxes for what it seemed. Boxes of lead, one of them alone containing enough of strontium to make the northern hemisphere deadly for the next 29 odd something years, inhabitable for the foreseeable future.

Jimmy's gun emitted a soft clicking sound, searching it's target. Lou turned to look at him, flabbergasted by his move. "You can't..."

"One of them is right behind the ASA," Jimmy answered in the same low voice. His eyes not on the men carrying the boxes, but searching the surroundings.

Lou felt ashamed, she had misjudged his intentions. "I thought..."

"I know what you thought Lou, just gimme some clout will ya? These things can do more than kill. It just ain't that simple, Lou. I got one of them pegged, and just maybe there's a chance we will pull this thing off."

"Or die heroically trying," Cody commented dryly.

Lou shrugged at his words, and turned back to watch the heavily armed men. So close and still so out of reach.

"Kid's right under the left side," Buck commented.

Lou closed her eyes momentarily, waiting for guns to be fired. She dared not breathe as she opened her eyes and tried to get a visual of the vessel and Ike or Kid. She couldn't see a thing from where she was lying in siege, all she could hear was her own heart beating wildly.

 

 

Ike watched his friend crawl under the vessel while he effectively blocked the signals from the surveyor. They had so little time, the men inside would soon detect the disturbance. Ike cursed silently and hammered on his RPD, hoping against hope to be able to override the scrambled signals and close the front for good. There were no boxes inside the vessel yet, and if he succeeded, there would be none either. The men were not aware of any threats from the ground, all their sensors were directed to air-bound danger. But that might change at any second, leaving them exposed. He had to keep an eye on the the RPD and Kid. under the vessel, working with less sophisticated tools; stuffing grass into the air-tunnels. Blocking the ASA the oldfashioned way, just in case the technology would not work. The thick grassroots would effectively block the manual steering system. Screw the pilots up for good. The RPD blinked twice and Ike stared down on it in surprise, it had effectively overruled the scrambled signals and was locking the door. Ike started moving towards the front to block it manually, just in case. If everything went south and they were able to override his programming anyway, they would at least be locked inside effectively. By now, they must have realized something was wrong. He crawled under the vessel, finding the outer instrument panel and flicked it off, smiling as it protested slightly at his actions. Having predicted the exact maneuver's of the automatic system, he almost laughed at how easy it was to fool the old systems. He caught a glimpse of Kid coming towards him and nodded at him, all was done, now they had to get out of there.

When they reached the edge of the ASA, the alarm went off, they had been detected. Ike held his head down and threw himself flat to the ground, holding his breath as he rolled down the bank.

 

 

"Oh God," Lou squealed when the first shot was fired, hitting the bank right at Ike's side. She pulled her gun and fired at the shooter, dropping him instantly and revealing their hideout. A hail of bullets reached then, flying over their heads, the sound momentarily deafening them.

"Their ATF ain't working, them fools have scrambled that one too," Jimmy let out with a side-looped grin, his eyes expressing a mixture of excitement and fear. "Come on guys, lets disperse, keep your heads down and get the bastards!"

Lou was already on her way down the bank of the stream, keeping behind protruding rocks, her sensor finally working, warning her instantly of any moves around her. A clear advantage the men below did not have. Her EA giving her instant knowledge of any impending danger. Stopping behind a rock, she assessed the immediate surroundings, no one in sight. Her planned target seemingly unaware of her whereabouts. Raising her gun, she squeezed the trigger, dropping one of the men, shooting him in the back. Watching as he fell over. A wave of nausea hit her, she was actually killing people, but it somehow didn't feel real. Like it wasn't really her doing the monstrous deeds. The gunfire was thick, her EA momentarily blocked from all the flying projectiles she had no other options than trusting her own senses. Crawling even closer to the battlefield, she held her breath and dragged herself onwards, her fingers digging into the hard ground ahead of her. She felt no fear any longer, only a will to survive, at any cost. She felt nothing when she dropped the next man, rolling away as she watched him sink to his knees and then keel over, head first, into the creek. Bullets stirring up the sand at her side had her roll sideways to the bank, hoping for some cover. She didn't quite understand what happened as somebody took a hold of her coverall and jerked her into a standing position.

"You stinkin'...."

The eyes that met hers left her completely paralyzed. Staring into them she felt her strength vanish and pure shock invade her. Her fingers didn't respond to her brain any longer as she stood limp, held by strong cruel hands, staring into the cold eyes of her own father.

 

Ike felt Kid land on top off him, pushing all the air out of him, making him groan. Then hands gripped the back of his coverall and he was dragged further down the bank, into shelter.

"Ike, you hit?" Kid asked, his voice barely audible over the gunfire.

"No," Ike finally exhaled, drawing his gun. "Just got surprised, that's all." Clutching the gun in his hands, he felt somewhat safer.

"We gotta get away from here!"

 _Kid has a way of stating the obvious,_ Ike thought and pushed his friend onwards, a desperate need to get away from the line of fire, making him feel the taste of blood in his mouth as they ran, flat out. Ducking for the fire, not really seeing where they went. Then he stopped dead in his tracks, his breath coming in raspy exhales, his lungs burning. He tried to shout out a warning but couldn't find his voice. Straight ahead of them, covered by a sandbank stood a man, holding Louise by the collar, shaking her. Lou's eyes were wide of fear and something Ike couldn't make out. Was it recognition? Her arms hung limp at her sides, she made no gestures of fighting herself free.

Then it all happened so quickly, Kid fell to his knees at his side. Pointing the gun at the couple.

"Lou!" Kid hollered, the panic in his voice obvious to them all.

The man turned and watched them, the gloved hand automatically going for his gun. The man had no time to squeeze the trigger, a shot went off from Ike's side, startling him as it rang out. The man's gun shot one single shot in midair when he was thrown back by the force of the shot. Ike realized that Kid had shot to kill, the man had been hit in his chest, and it sure was no anesthetizing gun Kid was using.

Lou staggered backwards and fell, staring at the man at her side. Fighting for air, grasping for her gun. Kid started crawling towards them. Lou remain staring and Ike noticed tears forming in her eyes.

"Lou?" Ike asked and rushed to her side, sensing something was awfully wrong.

When Ike arrived at their side, Lou turned to Kid with tears in her eyes. "That man was my father!"

Ike could feel the shock Kid went through right in that moment. His friend's labored breath stopped completely for a moment and he automatically withdrew from them. Inching backwards, staring at them in disbelief. Ike felt it like he was part of the shock Kid went through, almost sensing it. Kid dropped his gun to the ground and rose to his feet, his face ghostly white. Then he tried to say something but failed, he kept backing, looking at Lou with fear in his eyes. Like she was about to lunge at him.

Turning back to Lou, Ike noticed her gaze resting on Kid, but he saw no blame or hatred, only deep sorrow. Ike extended a hand to lay in on her shoulder and Lou sobbed and hid her face in the palms of her hands. Ike entwined her in his hold. "Lou, we didn't know."

He turned back to the young man standing a few feet away, staring at them. Ike read the deep shock and disbelief in the pallor of his face, "Kid?"

"I-I-I'm sorry, I didn't know, God - I had no idea..."

A violent roar drenched the rest of his words and Lou fought to get to her feet. Ike scrambled to his, holding on to Lou, knowing exactly what was happening. The codes had been overridden, the ASA was taking off. They stood and watched as it hovered for a while, shots ricocheting on the hard surface. Lou's fingers dug into his arm, and she cursed vehemently at the sight of the escape. The vessel rose into the air, now misty and thick of gunpowder. Ike heard Jimmy yell a curse at it as it rose high above them. Staring up into the sky, Ike watched the sky grow green and orange. Then there was a loud blast, making the ground under then tremble. Then there was absolutely nothing before Ike felt the air being knocked out of him and he flew backwards, right into a black nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

Ike opened his eyes and found his ears still ringing. For a moment, he lay absolutely still, trying to figure out if he was dead or alive. The dull pain in his body finally convinced him he was still among the living. Aching all over, he eased himself up in a sitting position, afraid of what he would find. The air seeming to stand absolutely still, smelling of chemicals and disaster. Then rapid footsteps came in his direction and he turned, groaning as his body protested harshly at his actions.

"Ike? You all right?" Jimmy ran toward him, face scratched and bloody.

"Fine," Ike nodded, staring at the sight of Jimmy, bleeding from various cuts. "You? Buck and Cody?"

"Don't ever dive head first into grovel," Jimmy leered. "They're fine, Buck's got some cuts and bruises and Cody got whacked in the head. Will be fine thou'. Complained over his best shirt being torn, must mean he's just fine."

A distinct curse made them turn in the direction of the muffled sound. Kid kicked part of the vessel from his legs and moaned. Part of his shirt was ripped, bloody scratches all over his torso. His face dirty, covered with sand penetrated into the skin by the force of the blast. But he didn't seem to notice the condition he was in, he kept looking around, searching for something.

 _Lou!_ The thought hit both Ike and Jimmy. Kid was already up on his feet, limping toward a lump on the ground. When Kid turned the lump, they witnessed the pallor of Lou's face.

"Oh God," Jimmy exhaled and took a leap in the pair's direction. Ike closed his eyes for a brief moment, praying that what he feared hadn't come true. When he finally sank down on his knees aside them, Kid held Lou's wrist in a tight grip, caressing her face, calling her name. As he didn't get any reply, he let his hands wander over her body, looking for injuries, then he pushed her blouse up and bent over, laying his head on her chest. Lou groaned.

"Kid, how is she?" Jimmy asked.

"Damn you!" Lou hollered and whacked Kid hard over the head. Having him lose the grip of her wrist and grimace in pain.

"Lou?" Kid tried anew, just to receive another hard blow.

"Let go off me, you goddamned prick!" She was up in a sitting position so fast that Jimmy instinctively leaned backwards, avoiding to get the same treatment Kid just had received.

"Lou?" Ike called softly. "Lou, it's just us! What's wrong?"

Lou raised her head and seemed genuinely surprised to see Ike there. Then she turned her head and looked at Jimmy, just as surprised. "Oh God, I thought I was back at...I mean...musta been dreamin'. Oh God, Kid? I'm sorry! What happened?"

"The ASA blew up, probably thanks to Kid's tricks," Jimmy leered. "Just about killed us too."

Kid groaned and retreated further from them, wincing as he did. "I'm sorry," he said. Not looking at either of them, "I just didn't..."

"Lighten up Kid! Nobody died," Jimmy threw him one of his widest grins. "Okay no one of the good guys anyhow. And hell, that was some firework!"

Ike couldn't help but grin at Jimmy's expression. Shaking his head, he turned back to Lou; "you okay? Nothin' broken or so?"

Lou silently shook her head, taking a moment to assess the situation. "Nope," she finally declared, "just feel like I've been run over by a bulldozer, but I guess that's normal, considerin'."

Jimmy chuckled. "That's my girl!"

Ike hugged her and she smiled weakly. Then she turned to look at Kid, kneeling on the ground, looking intently at her. She was taken aback by the regret in his eyes. There was nothing of the relief they all felt, still being alive, nothing at all. Instead she read immense pain in the eyes. Pain and regret. He said nothing when she locked gaze with him, nothing at all. Seeing his bloody torso and torn shirt, she wondered how he was, really? "Kid?" she asked, her voice sounding tiny, shivering with concern.

"You really okay, Lou?" he finally inquired.

She just nodded, the realization of how this could have ended hitting her, sending tears to her eyes. They might all have been dead, the blow had been fierce and the parts fallen around them might just as easily have killed them all. They had been lucky beyond reason. She might have been killed even before, her own father would have been more than able to kill her. Just to save his own skin. She knew him well enough to realize that cruel fact about her father. He had always been closest to himself, effectively getting rid of problems, including persons. Kid had saved her from that. Saved her from the final degradation, having been killed by your own father. Lou knew full well the man that called himself her father might have done it, he was more than capable of such an act. Tears welled in her eyes, she swallowed to get rid of the lump in her throat.

"I'm so sorry Louise, I didn't know. I swear to God, if I knew....if I only...I'm so goddamned sorry, Lou!" Kid's tone of voice spoke of the raw emotion raging inside him. The eyes dark, colored by the emotions inside him.

"What?" Jimmy asked, squinting his eyes and looking back and forth between them. "You sorry she survived or what?"

"Jimmy!" Ike warned, realizing the depth of what had happened only seconds before the blast. Kid had actually killed Lou's father. He hadn't even thought about that until now, now that he saw the pain in Kid's eyes. Kid never wanted to carry a gun in the first place, and when he did, he had ended the life of Lou's father. The girl he so obviously had fallen in love with. Ike wanted to console him, tell him he would have done it too, only Kid did it first. And that was a thing Kid would have to live with.

Kid rose to his feet and Jimmy followed, a bewildered look on his face. Kid's gaze was still on Lou, and Jimmy sensed he was fighting to find the right words. But he just didn't seem able to. Instead he repeated how sorry he was and turned to walk away.

Lou's tears ran down her cheek as she slowly shook her head. "Kid, " she spoke softly.

But Kid turned and walked away. Jimmy grabbed his arm hard. "What's going on?" he prodded, "what's this all about?"

"Stay out of this Jimmy," Kid warned, "just stay outta this one."

Jimmy flared up in an instance. "What'ya mean, stay outta this one? Don't you ever tell me what to do, Kid! You ain't no better than me."

Kid raised his head and looked straight into Jimmy's eyes. "Never said so Jimmy, just ain't none of your..."

Jimmy shook him hard, having Kid step backwards and groan. "Fuck you Kid, you ain't no saint yourself! You have no right to judge me or anybody else for that matter! Who the hell do you think you are?"

"You forgiven yourself Jimmy? Or me for that matter? It's you that keep bringing it up!" Angrily Kid jerked away from Jimmy, trying to get away.

Grabbing him hard, Jimmy tried to stop him. "Kid," he wheezed, "we've been through this..."

"Oh, I remember that 'discussion' clearly," Kid warned, his voice sounding like a low rumble, causing Jimmy to let go of him. "Don't need another one, thanks, you're right Jimmy. Always was, okay?"

Jimmy was left standing as Kid turned and limped down the bank, never looking back. Thoughtfully Jimmy followed his stride down the rocky slope until he reached Buck and Cody. Jimmy's anger blowing off when Kid reminded him of the 'discussion'. Then he turned to face Ike and Lou, both watching him intently. Lou's tears had dried and she looked at him with those brown eyes, shadowed with a thousand emotions.

"Jimmy?" Ike asked "what was all that about?"

"I could ask the same Ike, what the hell happened here?" Jimmy watched the two, sensing there was something they hadn't told him. "I didn't mean to blame him, it was just...."

"Kid shot Lou's father," Ike said.

Jimmy turned to Lou, his eyes wide open with surprise. She nodded, the tears welling in her eyes again. "Holy shit!" Jimmy exclaimed, "how the hell did that happen?"

"He was with them," Lou stated in a thick voice. "Knowing him, he was probably the leader, the damned bastard! I'm glad he died, I'm glad Kid killed 'im!"

She sobbed and Ike threw his arms around her. "It's okay Lou!"

"You sure are full of surprises Lou," Jimmy said, extending a hand to touch her. "I didn't know, I'm sorry."

"It's okay Jimmy, I hadn't seen him in fifteen years, sure as hell didn't expect him to turn up here." Wiping her eyes, she turned to watch Kid down by the creek. "Guess Kid got me all wrong. I wanted to thank him for saving my life. I gotta go talk to 'im."

"Not now, Lou," Jimmy said, "not right now."

"Why Jimmy?"

"Trust me Lou, now's not a good time."

"You're full of secrets, both of ya!" Lou said. "What was that all about earlier? Somethin' bad happen to the two of you?"

Jimmy looked down to the ground. In a fraction of a second, the face of a young woman flashed before his eyes and he had to swallow hard. The memories of a sweet innocent smile haunting him forever. Shaking his head, he tried to get rid of the pictures flickering into his mind. He looked at Lou, sitting in the sand, Ike at her side, both of them watching him. Waiting to hear more. Jimmy just couldn't tell them, he had never told anybody. It was too painful, even after all these years, the memories were still too raw and unprocessed to handle. He would never tell. So he just turned and walked away from the two. There were things that were too dark to tell.

 

Lou watched him walk away, exactly like the Kid had. Walking away like there was something haunting them, some dark secret they both shared. So dark it shadowed their existence. The pain that had flashed in Jimmy's eyes was the same she had seen in the Kid's as he watched her, thinking she blamed him for the death of her father. A bottomless regret and pain. Making her shudder at the intensity.

She was still looking at Jimmy walking away when Ike rose and extended her a hand. "Come on Lou, let's get down and see if we can get in touch with base."

Lou nodded and followed. Holding on to Ike's hand, her eyes on the men at the creek. One of them sinking to his knees by the river, washing his bruised face. To then sit back and stare into the water. Jimmy walking up to him, watching him for a moment. Then he turned and walked over to Buck and Cody.

Ike was talking into his EA while they walked, telling the HuRec and the base their exact position. Lou couldn't wait to get out of this hellhole. She shuddered as she walked past a corpse on the ground, knowing she had been part of the killing. She avoided to look at the men, feigning they were just props, like in a movie. Not real humans, not real in any sense. But she just wasn't able to, they were there, all dead. And the notion of how life could end so easily made her walk closer to Ike, seeking comfort. Ike laid his arm over her shoulder and hugged her.

"Everything will be fine Lou, Noah an' Rach will be here in ten minutes. Teaspoon and the rest saw the explosion, they're on their way too. Found our horses runnin' like the devil was after them. Teaspoon got Katy roped so he ain't comin', he's goin back with the horses instead."

Lou nodded and Ike smiled, watching her eyes resting on the Kid. Ike started whistling "Sweetest thing".

 

 

Emma and Sam rode over the bank, stopping to watch the devastation.

"Where the hell have you been?" Cody hollered from down below.

Sam flung himself off the horse, running towards the group sitting on the bank of the creek. Emma following him close behind.

"What the hell happened?" Sam asked as he reached them, now scrambled to their feet. "Looks like you went and fought a war!"

"Won it too," Cody boasted. "Look at 'em, teach them to mess with us!"

Buck puffed, "Cody spent most of the time whining about his best shirt being torn."

"Yeah right, I was the only one...."

Emma hushed them sternly before they got further into the debate. "You okay? We heard the blast miles from here! What happened exactly?" Eyeing the group gathered around them, waiting for someone to speak up. Nobody did.  
"Lou?" Watching the girl, she walked over to her, "what happened?"

"We found them all right," Lou stated harshly, her voice hoarse. "Ike and Kid tried to stop them from takin' off. Then all hell broke loose." She turned to watch Kid, still sitting on the bank of the river, watching, but refusing to join the rest of them.

Emma followed her gaze as Sam walked up closer to the two of them.

"What's wrong with him?" Sam wanted to know, watching the Kid. "What's he doin' over there?"

"Sam," Buck said in a low voice, "there's more to this than meets the eye. Kid killed Lou's father, and he ain't takin' ...."

"What?" Sam turned to watch the young man who had spoken so softly Sam wasn't quite sure he had heard right? "Lou's father? What was he doin' here?"

Lou's eyes brimmed with tears and she looked to the ground to prevent the rest of them seeing. "He was with 'em, he grabbed me when I wasn't lookin' and then Ike and Kid showed up and Kid shot 'im." She paused and let the words sink in. Emma drew a deep breath and Lou literary felt Sam's gaze on her. "He won't talk to us," she continued , "I think he thinks I'm mad at him since he killed my father, but I ain't, I'm glad. It was him or me, he would have killed me, I'm sure!"

"Oh Lulabelle," Emma sighed and wrapped her arms around the young woman, "I'm so sorry, Lou." Rocking Lou in her arms, she turned to watch the Kid, getting to his feet, warily looking in their direction. Defeat written all over him. "Sam, would you..." she didn't need to finish the sentence, Sam had understood.

 

Walking over to the Kid. Stopping a few steps in front of him.  
"You okay Kid?" he simply asked.

Kid nodded.

"How did it happen?" Sam asked. Trying to get the young man to verbalize what he was fighting inside, get it all out and handle it.

Kid looked in Ike's direction, trying to get him to tell the tale. Ike refused, intuitively sensing what Sam was trying to accomplish, getting Kid to reason with himself, seeing what he had done and understand it. Ike looked to the ground, hoping he did the right thing by refusing Kid's silent plea.

"Kid?" Sam repeated.

"Me and Ike were running away from the gunfire when I saw Ike stop, just like that. I didn't see why first, but I cocked the gun, just in case. And then..." He paused, turning away from them all, looking over the creek.

Lou freed herself from Emma's hold, wanting to walk up to the Kid, telling him it was all right. But Emma held her back.

"Yeah?" Sam prodded.

"I saw a man holding Lou, real hard, shaking her. I just thought...no I didn't really think, it just happened. I shot, can't recall if I even aimed, I just shot, never bothered to ask questions, I just fired the gun!"

"And killed him?" Sam asked quietly.

"Yeah, I killed him." Kid said, tonelessly stating the facts.

Sam glanced over to Lou, to see her reaction. The young girl was held back by Emma.

"Kid," Sam continued, "you did what you had to do. You know that."

"It's still wrong Sam, I should never had taken the gun, I should..."

A HuRec ASA materialized above them, cutting Kid short. They all watched as it sank down to the dunes, sighing as it lay down to rest and the front panel was opened and Rachel rushed out, followed by Noah. Looking around as she ran, visibly shocked at what she saw. Arriving to the creek, she wrapped her arms around the first man she encountered, which happened to be the Kid.

"God, you look awful," she told him, "you all right? All of you?" Kid nodded and she let go off him; "get inside and let's go home! Jimmy! get over here!" She had to physically touch each and every one of them, to secure herself they were all right.

When she got to Cody the blond man gave her a side-looped grin. "If I'da known this was what it took to get some lovin' from ya, I'da ..."

"Shut up, Cody!" Rachel laughed and kissed his cheek, "this is a one time deal only so don't go gettin' any ideas!" Pushing them all in front of her, she steered them to the waiting vessel. Noah chuckling behind her at her joy. When they finally got them all inside, even the Kid who suddenly had thought of the horses and was trying to get back to his beloved mare. It took both Noah and Rachel's solemn reassurances that Teaspoon was taking the horses home and, yes the horses were all fine, before he too got inside. Noah smiled at Jimmy's groans at the Kid's protests. Rachel chuckled softly and Noah rested his arm around her waist. Rachel's eyebrows arched as she turned to him.

"Cody had the right idea, Rach," he smiled at her. "It's hard to get some lovin' from you women, if this is what it takes, man, you're asking a lot!"

Rachel turned to face him. Her fingers straightening out his collar, meticulously. Noah felt shivers run down his spine when her fingers brushed his neck. Then she stopped her fiddling and looked straight into his eyes. Noah felt an urgent need to kiss her, just feel her soft lips against his. But she withdrew from his hold, a small teasing smile on her lips as she turned and walked inside. Noah remain looking at her, suddenly realizing how beautiful she was. Beautiful and witty, a woman in all senses. At least to him.

"Noah?" she called from inside, "you comin' or not?"

He stepped inside, brushing up against her as he walked past, leaning in slightly. "Depends on where you wanna take me?"

He smiled anew at the slight reddening of her cheeks, the blood warming them. Then she immediately found her stance again and walked past him. "I was just takin' ya home, Noah, but hell, if you need to go somewhere else, just tell me! I might take you there."

Noah laughed at the casual tone in her voice, hoping deep inside she would keep that promise. Someday he hoped she would take him anywhere she wanted to. He knew he'd follow.

 

 

It was late when Lou blinked against the light disturbing her sleep. She blinked twice, trying to get the fog to clear.

"Lulabelle, it's time for dinner," Emma called.

"Goddammit, did I fall asleep?" Lou grunted, finding herself lying across the big chair in the recreation room. "How the hell...?"

"Lou, you're starting to cuss like an old sailor," Emma grunted, "been around the boys too much?"

Lou chuckled, "probably, Cody and Jimmy must be rubbing off on me."

Emma crouched before her, "you all right Lou? And I don't mean all those cuts and bruises."

"I'm fine," Lou said quietly, rising to her feet, vividly remembering the dreams, the nightmares she had dwelled in before Emma had saved her from the visions. Her father laughing at her trials to do her best, scorn in his eyes as he looked at her. The despise in his voice when he told her she would never do it right. She'd never accomplish anything, coz' she was a girl. Early on Lou had gotten that he was deeply disturbed that his first born was only a girl. She was not what he wanted, nobody was what he wanted.   
"Mom was glad too, that he died I mean. Just don't feel right being this relieved that someone's dead!" She guiltily looked at Emma.

"Come on Lou," enfolding her in her arms, Emma rocked her gently. "Wanna tell me the whole story?"

"No," Lou rested her head on Emma's shoulder and closed her eyes. It felt good, like being a little girl again. Taking strength from somebody else and not always having to find it in yourself. Right now, she needed that. "There's nothing much to tell, he was scum."

"Shh, Lou, don't go thinking like that, there's something good in everyone. You must have forgotten all the good times, coz' I'm sure there were those too. Anytime you wanna talk about it, Lou, know that I'm here for you."

Lou freed herself from Emma's hold, she didn't want to touch the good moments, because they hurt the most. She really wanted to remember the bad ones right now, that way it was easier to handle. "Thanks Emma."

"You're welcome Lulabelle, now - you ready for some fine synthetic culinaries?"

Lou laughed at the disgust in Emma's words. How easy it was to get used to the good things in life, like real bread, fresh eggs and potatoes! And how easy it was to forget that they never came for free.

 

 

It was pitch dark when she traversed the front yard, Buck and Ike still sitting on the porch, enjoying the peace. Wishing she'd be able to sit there too, looking into the night, enjoying being alive, she smiled at them. Getting wide grins back. Before she truly would be able to enjoy the peace and calm of the night, she would have to talk to Kid. Let him know that what she had said this morning wasn't exactly the truth, and that she harbored no anger for him. Gratitude if anything. Why was it that every time she got close to somebody, she tried to screw it up? Why the hell did she feel like running when somebody got this close to her? Was that why she stuck with Sean? Because he never got that close, because she was able to play him and he didn't see through her? Because his feelings were just as shallow as her own? What was it in those deep blue eyes of the Kid that had her ready to tell him everything? Even though it scared her stiff?

Why was he avoiding them all, staying in the barn, not even coming in for dinner? Was it some kind of retaliation from his part? And what was it between him and Jimmy? What had happened to them, to make them act the way they did? Even though they clearly depended on each other occasionally. Never admitting it though. They both were that leading kind of men, different yes, in so many ways. Still they had that feature, both of them, the ability to grab your attention. Where had they met before, and what had caused the tension between them?

She peeked in through the first door to the foaling stable, Noah and Rachel were in there, she heard Rachel's laughter. Noah grunted something in reply. Rachel giggled and went for a sponge in a sink, grabbing Noah's collar while he stood bent over, trying to shake hay off himself. Fighting Rachel for the sponge as she tucked it in under his shirt.

"Hey," Lou called from the door, smiling at their obvious flirtation.

They both stopped and put on their official faces, acting like they were caught red-handed. Lou had to fight not to burst out laughing. "Just wondering if Kid's around someplace?"

Rachel committed the mistake of smiling broadly, casting a glance in Noah's direction. "Oh, he's in the tackroom, we left him there, sleeping last I saw, why don't you go wake him up and take him inside."

Lou heard the tease in Rachel's voice, but this time she had ammunition. She smiled back, looking from Rachel to Noah and then back again. "Havin' fun are we?"

"Just feedin' the horses," Noah said, brushing straws off his sleeve. The tone of his voice a little too casual.

"Uh huh?" Lou replied, her smile getting wider. "Mighty fun ain't it. What's a matter Rachel, feeling a little warm? Noah would you check her temperature, she looks really flushed! Maybe she's coming down with somethin'?"

Calmly she stared Noah down, watching his complexion get darker too. "Seems to be contagious," she grinned.

There was a glance between the two of them again, a stolen glance, both trying to keep Lou from noticing it.

"Yeah, Lou, I'll check her out, don't you worry. Go get the Kid," Noah said, nodding at her.

"I'm sure you will," Lou laughed as she closed the door on them, just to reopen it and look at the two. "Have no doubt whatsoever!" she leered in their direction before she was gone. Leaving just the sound of shoes against the hard packed dirt behind.

Noah turned to Rachel watching the door, her cheeks clearly a slight reddish tone. Her breath quickened. He just stood there and watched her.

"Should'a known she'd try an' get back at me," Rachel said, a smile now forming as she turned to Noah. "We gotta lay off the two of them Noah, we better leav'em alone. See what she's trying to do, implicating all sorts of crazy things!"

"Crazy?" Noah asked and stepped up to her, "you sure they're that crazy?" He never took his eyes off her when he took the step to stand right in front of her, the greens eyes bewildered at first, then melting into a soft smile.

"Noah?" She exhaled, "you know we can't..."

Enveloping her face in his hands, he looked at her, really looked at her. His eyes following the line of her lips, the nervous shiver. Then he lost himself in the beautiful line of her nose to finally let his eyes rest in the green eyes. She looked back at him, and somewhere behind the bewilderment, he saw what he was looking for, the confirmation. So he closed his eyes and kissed her softly, like a whisper, barely sensing her lips. She relaxed and fell into him, her arms entwining his waist. Noah kissed her again, feeling her respond. His toes curled and he pulled her into his lap, tightly, feeling her whole body calling out to him. His mind getting blurred, somewhere in his mind something told him what he was doing wasn't comme-il-faut, it wasn't supposed to happen. But he ignored it completely.

Rachel broke the kiss off, pushing him away. "Noah," she panted, "this is crazy, we can't..."

"Why? Rach, why can't we?"

She lifted her eyes to meet his again, her eyes almost black in the dim light. His hands still on her hips, refusing to let go. Then he saw her eyes glitter with humor again. He smiled reflexively in response, loving the expression in her eyes.

"We can't - coz' if we do we can't tease the Kid and Lou!"

Noah chuckled, he loved that sense of humor in her, that self-distance, that switching of topics, her fast flow of thoughts. Resting his brow on hers, he shook his head. "But Rach, you promised to take me anywhere!"

She rested her head on his shoulder and laughed softly against it. "But I had no idea..."

"Yeah you did Rach, we both knew," he whispered into the wild hair. A scent of wildflowers and honey emanating from it, driving him wild. His heart skipping a beat as she turned her face to his and kissed him, letting him know she in fact too, knew.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clonad - The source of the clones, the living organisms preceeding the cloned organism.

The door to the tackroom in the main stable was ajar, the crack exposing a dim light seeping from the room. She paused a moment before entering, waiting to hear if he had noticed her arrival? Only sound in the stable was the horses munching on their hay. There was no other movements in the stables and Lou found it so restful that she would have liked to curl up in the hay herself, and just listen to the peace and harmony. Of course Kid would take to his sanctuary in times like these, that was just him.

She opened the door wider with her index finger, peeking in. Still not sure if he actually was in there. Letting her eyes wander over the overly filled room to the folding chair in the furthest corner, she smiled. All she could see was his feet resting on Katy's wooden tack-box, which was filled with gear, to the point that the lid wouldn't close any longer. The chair was turned away from the door, in perfect angle for resting one's feet comfortably on the box. Still, sleeping like that was all but comfortable, he'd be lucky if he was able to stand straight if she let him sleep like that all night, double-folded, feet up in the air. She opened the door fully and started inside. Stopping as Kid flew up from his position, sending the cat that had been napping in his lap away, wheezing. The chair tipped under him when he pulled his legs away from the box and tried standing up at the same time. Resulting in him crashing down to the floor and the folding chair falling over him. Then he cursed. The cat scurried out of the room with a pathetic meowing sound.

"Kid?" Lou asked, hurrying up to him, astonished by his actions. "Did I scare ya?" She looked down on him, taking the chair and removing it off him, trying to straighten her face and not laugh out loud.

"No-o-o," Kid mumbled and crawled to his feet.

"Sorry!" Lou smiled, he looked so different like this, all his control gone and a boyish feature surfacing as he stood in front of her, wiping the sleep from his eyes while glancing awkwardly at her. Like he was ashamed of being seen like this - half asleep and not fully coherent yet. Innocence uncovered.

"Didn't mean to scare you, you ain't been in all evening is all, got me wonderin', you okay?" Glancing up at him, noticing his troubled face as he nodded slightly.

"Lou, I didn't mean to..." he began, head downcast, avoiding her look.

"Shh Kid, I came here to thank you for what you did, you didn't give me any chance earlier. Kid, don't go blaming yourself, you did what you had to do. He'd a killed me....probably...if you hadn't..."

"Killed him," Kid said grimly.

"Killed him," Lou confirmed.

"And he was your father Lou," Kid continued, his voice tense. "I murdered you father Lou, how can you ever..."

Lou sighed and sank down to the floor, the memories of her father rushing over her. Having her grind her teeth.

"Lou?" Kid sank to the floor in front of her, taking her hands into his.

"Kid, let me tell you a couple of things about my father," she told the man in front of her. "Let me tell you what I think of when I hear the word 'father', it ain't pretty, let me tell you that!"

Kid seated himself on the floor and held on to her hands, her palms resting lightly on his. "Tell me, Lou."

She wasn't able to look at him, instead she let her gaze rest on the floor.   
"First thing I remember about my father was him yelling at my mother, can't remember about what, I was too small to understand. But I heard the scorn in his voice, plain and clear. And I remember feeling my mother getting tense, holding me as to protect me."   
She clearly felt Kid stiffening at her words, so she glanced up on him. His eyes resting on her. She looked away, not feeling comfortable about being pitied but needing to tell him everything, she had no idea why, she just needed to tell. So she did, she told him about the endless promises never being kept, the disappearing, the shame she felt when he was arrested, his face and name on all the screens in their burgh. How the shame had colored her childhood, being the daughter of a convicted criminal. Then when he returned, hateful and bitter. Always showing her disrespect, telling she'd never amount to anything. The fighting late at night, her mother trying to get him to leave, until he fell to his knees and cried. Promising never to do it again. Her mother always giving in, forgiving him. Him always forgetting his promises. His laugh as she fell down from the stairs and hurt her knee real bad, his laugh echoing in her ears as the neighbor's took her to the hospital. That was the day he walked away from them, never to come back. Only sporadic calls, telling them how fine he was now that he had gotten rid of his life's biggest mistakes. Lou and her mother.

While she talked more and more memories trickled into her mind, her voice getting thick. Kid snuggled up to sit behind her, embracing her and resting her head on his chest.

"I hated him, Kid, I hated him more than I thought possible."

He just held on to her, resting his cheek on her head, staying absolutely quiet until her trembling stopped and she breathed easier in his lap. He softly stroke her hair; "There must have been some good times too, Lou. He can't have been all bad. He made you Lou, proves to me he wasn't all bad."

At his words, the feared memories of the good times rolled in over her, those memories she was afraid to touch. Because they stirred up a deep-rooted pain. The pain of not understanding. Early mornings she trampled down the stairs and found him sitting at the table, smiling at her, asking her what she wanted for breakfast. Making her 'angelfood', something she recalled tasted like heaven, but she never found out exactly how it was made. The dress he had bought her for her tenth birthday, the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, all the girls being envious. Christmases she and her father sang the old hymns, out loud and her mother laughing in the kitchen when she heard them. Small things that her father had done, things to make her proud. Things that made her love that hateful man.

"Yeah," she said into Kid's shirt, her voice crumpling up as tears welled from her eyes. Crying helplessly at the insight of the love she had felt for her father, no matter what. The good memories mingling with the bad, having her see her father in another light. Human, more bad than good but still her father. And now he was gone.

"I never wanted to take him away from you sweetie, I'm so sorry for that. I know you loved him too. We always do, deep inside."

Lou threw her arms around Kid's neck and buried her face deep into the crook of his neck, not knowing of any other way to thank him. For understanding, for being the Kid. He settled her into his lap and held on, quietly rocking her. If she was ever to bring children into this world she hoped their father would be like the Kid.

She smiled through tears at her rampant thoughts.   
"I'm sorry Kid," she mumbled, freeing herself from his hold. "Came to get you inside and look what I do, keep you up with the story of my pathetic life! Come on already, let's get inside." Crawling up to her feet, she extended her hand to him. He took it and eased himself up.

In silence they walked back to the house, no words needed. Lou felt her steps lighter and her heart no longer filled with the heaviness, she stopped and looked up into the sky. "Rest in peace, Pa" she said. She more felt than saw Kid smile behind her. She turned to watch as he walked past her, letting go of her hand.

"Call your boyfriend, Lou. He needs to know you're all right." Cupping her face in his hand, he let his thumb caress her cheek, a sad smile in his eyes. Then he turned and walked away from her.

 

 

She remain watching him as he walked briskly inside. Ike and Buck telling him something when he walked by, Kid raising his hand, making a kind of a wave in their direction. His last words leaving her startled, she hadn't gotten two words out of what she really intended to tell him. He had gotten her to pour her heart and soul out instead.   
_Damn it, he did it again, he had me tell him things I've never told anybody, not even Ma for goodness sake!_ She had gone there to comfort him, to tell him everything was all right. As usually he had somehow turned the tables, relieving her pain instead. They had never touched his. Thinking about it, Lou realized they never did. _What is it about him that he is hiding, why all these secrets?_   
And why did his remark about the boyfriend disturb her so deeply? She kicked the ground hard in pure frustration, he was truly getting under her skin. And she had promised herself not to let anybody get to her like that. Muttering to herself, she started for the house.

Feeling Buck and Ike's eyes on her, she walked up to them, arching her eyebrows at their bemused faces. Ike seemed to be searching for an appropriate song to whistle. Lou whacked his shoulder lightly. "Shut up, Ike!"

Buck laughed and pulled out a chair for her. Gratefully Lou sank into it, resting her feet on the railing, looking into the starless velvety night.

 

Soon enough Emma hollered for them to get their sorry butts inside.

 

 

"Lou!"

She cracked her eyes open, just to find Rachel looking at her.

"Better get up Lou, HuRec will be here in half an hour, there's gonna be an official hearing!"

"But nothing happened, it was just a kiss!" Lou stammered, still half a sleep, her thoughts running wild. Visions of her and Kid seated opposite each other with HuRec officials giving them the third degree, played before her eyes. She swung her legs over the bedside. Groaning she cursed herself for what she had let happen. A damned kiss would force her to give up her dream. Who knew, who had reported them, who wanted to see them leave?  
"A hearing? Like we committed some hideous crime? Jeez..."

"Lou," Rachel seized her with a smile. "It's about yesterday, nothing else. But if you wanna tell me something, I am the..."

"Oh Lord!" Lou moaned and hid her face in her palms, resting her elbows on the knees. "I'm such a blabbermouth. Of course, the incident, the explosion....sure..a hearing...will be down right away."

"Lou, are you okay?" The blonde woman sat herself down at Lou's side, resting a hand on her shoulder.

Lou couldn't help but laugh at herself. Chuckling, she shook her head at her own behavior. How come that suddenly she thought that the world orbited around her and Kid? That everything that happened around this place was somehow connected to the two of them and what they had done, what she felt? Why was it that she wanted to walk over to Kid's room right now and check if he was okay? Why was he so important to her? This was truly ridiculous, she was a becoming a total nutcase. If she didn't look out, she'd become emotionally dependent and end up like her mother, bitter when left. Women were always left, one way or another. And now it seemed she was starting down that path herself, the path she had promised never to thread!   
"I'm fine Rachel, I don't know what came over me, must'a been dreaming."

"Uh huh," Rachel smiled. "Why is the thing between you two bothering you so much? You like him Lou, nothing wrong with that."

Lou let out a bitter laugh. "That's the most dangerous thing that can happen to you, Rachel. Don't ever go liking anybody too much, don't ever go trusting anybody, it'll kill you in the end."

"Lou? What's wrong, is it Kid shooting your father, is that what this is all about?"

"No!" Lou shook her head vehemently while she gathered her clothes. "I'm sure I'd be dead if he hadn't. I don't blame him for shooting him, I blame him for reminding me that I loved him!"

"Huh?" Rachel stared at her, her brow wrinkled.

"Never mind Rachel, it's just that my father was among them terrorists, don't you think it might make HuRec a little suspicious about me? Isn't this what the hearing is all about?"

"No Lou, they don't even wanna talk with you. It's Kid and Ike, I just thought you wanted to be there for them."

Lou dropped her clean clothes to the floor. "Kid and Ike? Why them? I mean - we were all there!"

"I don't know Lou, maybe because they were closest to the vessel, maybe because they think it was them causing the thing to explode, I don't know Lou, I just know they're coming and we should all be there for them."

Lou felt her heart leap strangely in her chest - Ike and Kid! Why were they being singled out? The two gentlest men she had ever encountered in her life, men that were to be trusted. Should they be punished for a thing that they were all involved with? That was so unfair!

"Rachel, we just can't lose them!"

"Lou, we just don't know why they will be coming here yet, I admit it's unusual, in fact I've never heard of HuRec Strat-officers personally visiting any reconstruction team as of yet. But maybe..."

"Maybe it's the last thing my father's giving me, the damned bastard. Taking away my friends, wouldn't that be just like him! Even dead the goddamned stinking piece of crap is..."

"Lou," Rachel called again. "We just don't know, but hell, we'll do everything we can, they won't take anybody away from us. They'll stay with us, I'll see to it myself if I have to."

"Me too," Lou sighed against Rachel's shoulder. "I'll pull their teeth out if I have to, and then trample all over them if they try to take him away. I'll..."

"You'll take a shower and simmer down," Rachel said and pushed her out the door, in the direction of the bathroom. "Just do me a favor, at the hearing, don't tell the HuRec what you just told me. They just might take it wrong."

"I will do it and worse too if I have to," Lou promised before Rachel shut the door on her.

 

 

Shaking her head, Rachel went to knock on the rest of the doors. There would be no sleeping in, this morning, like she had promised them. She wondered what it would do to the tightly knitted team if somebody had to leave, what it would do to Lou if Kid had to leave? She shrugged, thinking about her own reactions it was Noah.....Noah! _You gotta stop thinking like that, you gotta pull yourself together Rachel. This is not the familiar burgh, these are people you have to live and work with day after day. There's too much to lose to start fooling around. But Noah, there's something...shut up you fool and do your work!_

Chiding herself she soon realized that she'd probably be pulling teeth too if they took Noah away, there was something about working with him, just being with him that had her smiling. _Yeah, I'll probably help Lou pull them teeth if things come to the worst,_ Rachel thought wryly as she knocked for the third time on Cody's door, to then open it and holler the inhabitant's name.

"I thought I'd never have the pleasure!" was the reply from inside the room.

"Dream on Cody, but while you're at it, get yourself downstairs in half-an-hour."

"Trouble?" Cody face appeared a mere inch from hers.

"I don't know," Rachel admitted. "Might be. HuRec's coming here for a hearing."

"They found out about Kid and Lou?" Cody wondered, "heck, so soon? I didn't find out until..."

Rachel shut the door on him and grinned widely, no she'd pull them teeth for each and every one in this group. She felt like she had known them forever, and she wasn't gonna lose any of them.

 

 

They stood lined up like a perfect army detail, watching the ASA land. Nobody moved to get closer to greet them, not even Teaspoon. He simply crossed his arms over his chest and pulled the basketball cap deeper over his eyes. Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other as the frontpanel opened.

Lou felt her jaw tighten as three HuRec officers stepped out. One elderly woman and a man about the same age, then a third much younger woman joined them. At the sight of the three, she stepped to stand in front of Kid, protectively, biting down on her lip when she realized what she just had done.

"That's the chief herself!" Somebody whispered in surprise. A buzz went through the group - HuRec really meant business this time, sending the chief of command out. The highest ranking officer, the woman that had been the force behind HuRec for over fifty years, one of the founders of the enterprise. Lou glanced over at Ike, he stood there, his usual red bandana in place, watching the officers' walk up to them. His face stern, not reveling a single emotion. Lou fought the urge to turn and watch Kid standing behind her. She could feel his breathing, slow and calm, but she knew that deep inside, he must be wondering. If this was his last moment on the Sweetwater project, his last moment as a HuRec pioneer, one of the few chosen? Lou felt instant dislike toward the two approaching, she stared them down, not even flinching as the elderly woman looked right back at her. Calmly she let them know just what she felt about them, just how much she disliked people who always showed up after the deed was done. Resourceful and witty, giving you all the right answers to what outta have been done. Point remained, they were not there when it happened, so they had no right to come here afterwards and tell them they did wrong, no right whatsoever!

The gray-haired woman stepped up on the porch and extended her hand to Teaspoon; "A pleasure to meet you Mr. Hunter."

Teaspoon scoffed something under his beard but shook the hand extended to him. Lou watched and thought she saw the woman's lips twitch, like suppressing a smile. Was she enjoying this, her power over them? Lou's dislike grew by the minute.

"We won't keep you long, we just need to get some clarifications," the woman said. "Is it okay if we start with you, John?"

Lou watched the woman turn to Kid and she had to refrain herself from stepping closer to him and telling the woman, 'no'. Kid just stepped forward from behind her, brushing against her as he passed through the narrow space between Lou and the post. Lou kept her eyes on the woman and was taken aback once more when her eyes glittered with humor as Kid made his move. Then she looked straight at Lou, and this time she actually smiled; "This won't take long."   
Turning to Teaspoon, she asked if it was all right to use his office? Teaspoon nodded and the two and Kid proceeded into the house. The rest of them remaining on the porch, staring at the closed door, glancing uneasily at each other. Avoiding to look at Ike, Ike who would be next.

Lou found herself standing with her fists clenched hard, she was angry and sad all together. Angry that two of them were singled out, angry that there was nothing she could do about it. Sad close to tears, that this was most probably the last time they would be together, all of them. New ones would arrive and Ike and Kid would not be there. And she didn't want any new ones to arrive, it felt like she had known them all forever. In another lifetime, some other place maybe? It felt like being home with people you loved. And now it was being shattered.

"He packed already," Jimmy said all of a sudden.

"What?" Sam asked.

"Kid, he packed already. Like he knew what was coming." Jimmy stated. "He always had that eerie premonition thing going. And this time it seems he was right too."

"He packed?" Emma asked, "when did that happen?"

"I don't know," Jimmy shrugged. "I just saw the bags on the floor. Must'a done it this morning."

"Whatever he did, he ain't going nowhere," Lou wheezed. "They have no right, they weren't there! Ike and him belong here, with us!" Turning to finally watch Ike, standing still by the railing, looking at the door. "Ike, you just ain't goin' anywhere."

Ike turned to her and smiled sadly. "Well Lou, it isn't like we have much to say. We are all HuRec pioneers and we all know that means they can send us anywhere they like. We cannot say much about it, only other thing we can do is quit and go home."

They all stared at him, the resign in his voice, the grim fact he was presenting them with. The sorrow of leaving, expressed in his eyes.

Lou felt a lump in her throat, and she had to look away. She turned to look at the trees in front of the house, the open field carrying her sight straight to the mountains. The sun of the early morning, not yet too hot, just like a warm caress over the green land in front of her. The fresh morning dew still lingering in the air. She knew how much Kid loved the wild, how much he respected it. It was so evident in every thing he did, he was born to be a pioneer, just like they all were. She would have loved to have gotten to know him better, to truly know all his dreams and hopes, his demons and his sorrows. But she wouldn't, instead she'd have to get to know somebody new, somebody she already was disliking because they were taking Kid and Ike away.

The door was opened and she spun around, finding herself eye to eye with the elderly woman.

"Louise, I need to speak to you too," the woman told her.

Lou felt her heart drop a thousand miles, leaving her momentarily empty, lightheaded. Remaining where she was, she looked at the officer in front of her, not quite believing what she had said. Or had Kid said something to them to cast her under suspicion? Had he...

"Louise?" The woman repeated."It'll be brief."

Lou felt the astonishment leave her and determined anger take its place. Nobody would make her leave, they might try, but she just wouldn't leave!

"All right," she said, stepping up to stand in front of the woman who opened the door fully and motioned for Lou to continue inside.

 

She felt drained as she walked to the office, totally drained of all emotions. A thousand thoughts whirling in her mind, despair and anger, surprise and rage all mixing in her, the closer she got to the door. _He sold me out, the rat! The stinking weasel, the goddamned ass!_ She cursed the Kid vehemently in her mind, cursing herself just as much, for ever trusting him. This was the pay she got for telling him all those things, for liking him enough to let him know things about her nobody had been allowed to learn before. He turned and sold her out to save his own skin. Her hands started trembling at the thought of him, probably telling them she had forced herself on him. behaving improperly, ogling him and never leaving him alone. The perfect retaliation for her words yesterday. The perfect payback.

"Please sit down, Louise," the man behind the desk said and she stirred, never realizing she had walked right into the room without thinking. Now finding herself face to face with the HuRec officer. He was smiling sadly, like belittling her for what she had done, for the mistakes she had made in trusting somebody. Lou remain staring at him.

"Louise," the elderly woman said softly, placing a cool hand on her tense shoulder. "I'm so sorry about your loss, please accept my condolences."

Lou spun to watch her, biting her teeth together tightly. Was she gonna be blamed for her father's actions too?

"Please sit," the woman continued, motioning for the chair pulled opposite the desk. "We just wanna make sure you're all right, John told us he killed your father. He was worried about you."

 _Worried? Oh yeah!_ Lou thought bitterly, _worried he wouldn't be able to get me and not himself outta here!_  
"I'm fine, thanks," Lou responded with a strained voice, finally seating herself, gathering all her strength to take her dismissal, as a woman. Strong and confident.

"I'm sorry too Louise," the man finally spoke up. "We had no idea your father was involved, not until the autopsy. We would have kept you away if we had the least suspicions about this. We know how you felt about him, Louise, and it must be hard meeting him like this and then losing him."

Lou let her gaze rest on the man, not a single emotion on her face, she nodded, making a guarded admission to the fact.

"Anything you need, just let us know, we're truly sorry it happened this way. We'll make all the arrangements if you wish, I already spoke to your mother and she said it was all right. Do you wish to handle it Louise, or should we?"

"I don't want anything to do with that man," Lou spoke, their empathy suddenly having her throat tighten, "dead or alive." Her guard down at the concern in their voices.

The woman moved to sit on the armrest of the chair Lou found herself in. The hand on her shoulder again, resting there, just as a comfort. "Don't worry Louise, we'll take care of everything, if you want we'll send for you when the funeral takes place."

"No," Lou shook her head. "I buried him a long time ago."

Silence fell in the room and Lou started relaxing, this was nothing like what she had expected. No questions were asked, just comfort offered. And Lou sensed it was genuine. After a long pause Lou lifted her eyes to meet with the woman sitting at her side. "What's gonna happen with Kid? John I mean?" she asked.

"Happen?" the man repeated from the other side of the desk.

Lou peered back at him, irritated at the man's constant answering her questions with echoing her words.   
"Well, he was in here before, I guess you had something to tell him, just wondering what?"

"Is that important to you?" the woman said, a soft smile in the eyes.

Lou realized they might be setting her up. Fooling her with their emphatic behavior. Maybe trying to get her to confess certain things, maybe Kid really had told them?   
"What the hell did he tell you exactly?" she lashed out, defensively retreating from the hand on her shoulder.

"What is there to tell?" The man was smiling too, trying to hide it, but still smiling.

Lou was getting more and more irritated by the behavior they both exhibited, the psycho-babble was getting too much to handle. She'd rather have the facts spilled out, something she could either deny or admit to, she wasn't about to spill the beans. "I don't know, but there's an ulterior reason you're here, no?"

"And what ulterior reason would that be?" The man continued repeating her words instead of answering.

Lou had had it for now. Rising to her feet, she looked at the pair. "Am I through? Is there anything you need to know?"

Both watched her, unnerving her with their contemplation in complete silence. That air of knowing something disturbing her deeply. She was about to burst out of the room when the woman rose, and extended her hand to Lou. "Take care Louise, you're doing a fine job. Anything you need, let us know." The woman smiled as she squeezed her hand, Lou retreating slightly at the contact.  
 _  
I wanna know if you're sending Kid away coz' of me! I need Kid to stay, I need us all to stay right here!_ Lou wanted to scream. _I wanna know what games you're playing, I wanna know what you're doing here, really._ "I'll be fine," she said and took the man's hand too, when he extended it courteously to her.

"Sure hope so," he said and Lou let go of his hand and backed out. Trying to read their faces while they looked at her stumbling backwards.

Closing the door behind her she turned and found them all looking expectantly at her. All except Kid and Ike.

"There's someone I gotta see," she growled and pushed through the group. Running out the door, knowing she'd find Kid outside, maybe already in the ASA with the third officer, she hadn't even thought about the woman, of course she was escorting Kid to the vessel. Taking them away, him and Ike. Now she had to tell Kid the truth, face to face. She would have to tell him she really didn't mean anything of what she'd said before they rode out on the mission. She had to ask him to forgive her for the harsh words. And for what she had been thinking about him, accused him of in her mind as she walked into that room. She needed to see him, one last time.

 

 

The gray-haired woman turned to the man behind the desk. Shaking her head as he smiled at her. "You were being cruel!"

"I was?" the man replied, "I didn't let her think all those crazy things, and you never said anything." Pensively he stroke his chin. "Now tell me, why was it so important for you to see the two of them?"

"Because of this," the woman replied, reaching into her purse and extracting a book, a very antique book, looking like it was about to fall into a million pieces.

"This?" The man replied mystified. Looking briefly at the book, then back at the woman.

"Her clonad's diary, the tale of her life. Of their lives."

"Their lives?"

"Stop repeating every damned thing I say," the woman laughed. "It's irritating the hell outta me. Yes, the Kid and Louise clonads were in love in the 19th century, married and all. That's how this all started if you remember. But their road to get there was very bumpy."

"Oh, you had to see true love," the man smiled and rose to walk over to her. "Yeah, I remember now, but you should have reminded me. I love it when you're being a romantic. Hell this is scary. Their PEA-levels are sky-high as it is. Does that mean that the one we will fall in love with is in our genes? Predestined?"

"More likely lust," the woman mumbled, taking the Diary and placing it back inside her purse.

The man entwined one arm around her waist, kissing her cheek affectionately. "I can vouch for that!"

"Jesus Christ man, " the woman cursed, "not here, there's people outside, might wander in at any moment. We're on an official visit here, keep your hands to yourself!"

"Don't curse," he frowned automatically, like in an age old habit. "That's why you came here, to see young love and to remember."

"Young lust," she laughed, "I don't even know if love exists."

"I love it when you get all cynical on me. Let's go home and I'll show you," the man promised.

"And I came here to collect proof," she said to him, waving a warning finger under his nose. "Don't go getting' any wild ideas."

"Whatever," he smiled. "Let's go and leave them young ones alone, they have better things to do."

She laughed as she started out, knowing exactly where his mind was at the moment. Then she turned back to watch him. He was an old geezer all right, but he was hers. Whatever evolutionary phases that happened in the human race one trait remained strong, the ability of loving. And she sure hoped Kid and Louise would feel what she felt for the old geezer camping with her. She promised herself to keep an eye on the two of them. She would have liked to tell them it was all right to fall in love, but she couldn't. She too was bound by an oath, the oath to not interfere. To let life takes its course. Letting each and every one be steered by whatever you believed in, fate or God's will, Allah, Jahve or Buddha, pure chance or luck. She had sworn to not disclose any of the secrets, but this time she truly wished she would have been able to.

And maybe she'd find a way, sometime and somehow.


	10. Chapter 10

The HuRec official interrogated them about the model of the ASA, wanting to know every detail they remembered. Ike felt a strange mixture of relief and mistrust. HuRec usually functioned rather well as an organization, this time they had screwed up badly. Wrong information, haphazard at best. Now this? Why the hell had they been informed that this was an official hearing and then this? They usually stuck to strict protocol. Not telling them straight out it was only a technical inquiry, letting them think they were personally under suspicion? What the hell was going on? Ike still couldn't quite relax, even though the woman had assured them they were not being subjected to a hearing. Only an inquiry. Something felt wrong all the same. He watched the woman switch the EA into thought-bearing mode and still herself for a moment, probably trying to get her thoughts as clear as possible before storing them into the device.

Then she turned and asked the Kid where the air-inlets had been on the vessel he blew up.

Ike watched Kid stiffen at the words, retreating slightly as he told the woman about the locations of the air-inlets. Ike threw the woman an annoyed glance, nice way to remind them they'd caused God knows how many people to die. The official looked apologetically in their direction, shrugging at her own bluntness. "I'm sorry, it's just...well everything's been chaotic at HuRec this past week. Gotten me kinda thrown too. Sorry."

Ike wrinkled his brow, making a sign of not understanding what she was ranting about. He wasn't exactly sure he wanted to know either.

"Well hell," the woman let out with a laughter, "you saw how this trip got screwed up too, I mean it must have scared you stiff the way the announcement sounded. Never meant it to sound like that. It's just...well we recently found out that the second in command had a private agenda altogether. Ya know, the usual one, take the money and run. Turns out some sites were having a black market kinda thingie going on. Let's say that the settlers' faith in us has diminished considerably thanks to that." She smiled bitterly.

"How bad?" Ike asked, glaring at the Kid for not participating at all in the discussion.

"Bad," the woman said, defeat in her voice. "One site is totally demolished. In their effort to increase growth they managed to poison the ground instead. It all had to be sealed and evacuated. A lot of the settlers died, unfortunately. We had no idea at the time. We were listening to the wrong people. And then we found out about the murders and robbing on this other site close by....it's, hell let's just say it's been a bad couple of weeks."

"Close by?" Ike asked, astonished at the news. There hadn't even been any rumors about this. Nothing at all.

"Your neighbors," the official stated and peeked at them. Studying their expressions at her statement.

Ike and Kid threw a glance at each other, something in the woman's voice told them she wasn't really revealing all the secrets, there was more to come.

The woman watched them, sensing their suspicions. "You'll hear all about it don't worry, things are gonna change. That's why I said...well I didn't quite mean it like that, It wasn't you causing the vessel to blow up, it was a technical thing. It's happened before, that's why we need to know how come. I'm sorry I let it come out like that!"

Kid looked to the ground, refusing to meet with the woman's eyes. Ike felt compelled to smile in her direction. Nodding that he understood. Still glaring at the Kid occasionally, trying to get him to speak up. Ike sensed the woman was uneasy about his silence. Kid had been awfully taciturn all this time, answering the woman in brief sentences. He was silent even for being the Kid and Ike wondered why. They had been told they were allowed to stay on, they wouldn't have to leave. What the hell was eating at him now?

"John?" The woman asked, watching him, "are you all right?"

Kid's head snapped up in surprise. "Huh?"

"Is everything fine?" The woman persisted, stepping up to him and laying a hand on his arms, crossed over his chest. Smiling at him while looking into his eyes.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ike saw Lou running towards them, running like the devil was hot on her heels. He turned to watch her and noticed her stop dead in her tracks, close enough to have full vision. Her eyes widening in surprise. Ike beckoned her closer, inviting her to come save them from this awkward situation. She threw a questioning, desperate glance at Ike before her eyes wandered back to the woman and Kid.

The officer was standing close to Kid, her hand still resting on his arms. Kid's stance changed and became more relaxed and he finally unfolded his arms from his chest, like opening up. Ike threw anther glance at Lou who let her eyes dart between the two of them. Ike moaned inwardly at the expression on her face.

"John, I know how you feel. I watched one of them explode too, and I was chief technician. I thought I had killed all of them. I know, it was pure hell....and sometimes still is. I keep wondering if it was my fault over and over again. The facts told me it wasn't, but still...." She leaned in to catch his eyes. "If you ever wanna talk about it, just call me up or something.

Kid nodded slightly, shyly meeting the woman's eyes. "I'm fine - really."

"Well just in case," she said and reached for something in her pocket, "here's my private code, for whatever reason."

Ike found himself watching Lou as Kid took the memo-slot, and smiled at the officer. Lou looked like she was ready to scratch the woman's eyes out.

"Lou," Ike hollered and made a sign for her to join them, revealing her presence before Kid got himself in deeper trouble. Gratefully he noticed the rest of the group approaching them, smiles on their faces, the tension dissolved.

 

Lou remain stunned where she was at. Kid was actually flirting with that damned woman, smiling at her, casting her those glances she herself knew being so efficient, so damned alluring! That shyness shining through, making you feel special that he actually talked to you. _Damn you,_ she thought, _it's all been a lie. You use this to pick up women, don't you? You had me totally fooled, I thought you were different._ She watched as he chuckled at something the woman had said, her hand still on his arm. She sensed the others walking up behind her and she turned around, stunned at their happy faces. Jimmy smiling at her, giving her a wink. The HuRec officers both looking at her, amused smiles on their faces.

Lou felt like she was being kept out of some big secret, like they all knew something and weren't telling her. That, or she was going insane.

Cody leaped past her and ran up to Ike, patting him hard on the back. "Heck Ike, gave us a scare there for a while! Glad you're staying!"

Staying? Lou turned back and let her eyes sweep over the group in front of her, briefly scanning Ike's and Cody's happy faces, not daring to look at Kid yet. Was Ike staying and Kid not?

"Hey, Kid!" Jimmy chirped. "It's your turn to feed the goddamn chickens today! Nice try to escape your fate."

Lou looked in the direction and found Kid's eyes resting on her. A smile lingering in them, together with a question. That shyness in him again, the shyness she found so attractive. His air of reservation and withdrawal awakening her curiosity. She wanted to break that shell, she wanted to know. _Get under his skin,_ Lou thought, _exactly what you hate when others try to do to you!_   
Or maybe onto his skin? Lou felt her cheeks get hotter at the thought, she had never had to wish or beg for sex earlier, it had always been offered to her, now all was different.

When he caught her looking at him, he timidly diverted his gaze, leaving her wondering yet again. A thousand emotions rushed through her as she watched him while the Officers shook Ike's and Kid's hands, saying a few words to them each and then getting into the ASA. Sam patting Kid's back while Emma embraced Ike. Buck boxing him slightly, reminding him he was at the losing end at their game and he better not bail out. Noah teasingly telling the Kid he was glad he was staying because it looked like the mare was close and he had no intention of getting into a foaling stall with a possibly kicking mare. Teaspoon's low rumbling chuckle and Rachel's relieved smile.

"Come on, all of ya, it's time for breakfast," Emma declared. Grabbing Sam's arm and hauling him after her.

"Hell!" Cody exclaimed. "I'd forgotten all about eatin' this morning, I must be coming down with somethin'!"

"Maybe you're comin' down with an acute case of normality," Buck grinned at the always exuberant Cody.

"Hardly likely," Jimmy muttered. "Saw him stuffing himself with freshly cooked eggs already, acute case of dementia is more like it. By the way Cody, I'm relieving Kid of the chicken duty, the way you eat them eggs you can feed them hen too, ain't fair otherwise."

"How come I have to do all the work around here?" Cody complained.

"All the work? HA! You tricked me and Buck into taking half of your load two nights ago!"

"He did?" Buck chimed in, "Cody, you said you were going to repair the solar cells!"

"Uhm..eh.. well, Sam is much better on that stuff so I told him...."

"I can't believe this, it was my night off!"

Cody turned to Buck with an apologetic smile. "Well Ike was beating you at the game so I thought I'd help out! Saved ya, didn't I?"

"You cost me the game that would have had me in the lead, Cody," Ike muttered, walking up to him. Placing himself at Buck's side, glaring at the squirming fellow that was notorious in his laziness.

Jimmy took a leap after Cody, grinning widely. "Come on Cody! I'll introduce you to the chickens and the hogs. You're on double duty!"

"I'm a hungry man!" Cody protested and jumped out of Jimmy's way. Buck sneaked up behind him, while Ike placed himself in the flight way. Cody had no other alternative than to start running toward the barn. Buck, Ike and Jimmy hot on his heals.

"Boys, boys," Teaspoon muttered, while watching Cody make a maneuver that put him on track for the house. "Why not take all this energy out on work instead?" With a glance over his shoulder, he let out a snort of laughter. "We better get inside and fast, Cody'll have that fridge cleaned in no time."

"I wished he'd clean it sometimes, " Rachel sighed, "he just empties it, Teaspoon. I'm stuck with the cleaning. And half-eaten amino-pasta dishes do not belong there!" With a stern face, she leaned over to Teaspoon. "And I happen to know who put it there!"

Emma laughed wholeheartedly. "You're such a mess, Teaspoon, I keep telling you that."

"All right," Teaspoon sighed. "I'll clean that damned fridge, just let me have some food first, women! Can't believe how Cody got me into this," he muttered good-naturedly as he started for the house.

"Cody'll probably get you into anything," Sam retorted with a chuckle.

Lou watched as Kid smiled and walked away from the vessel, glancing at her briefly as he stopped and watched the ASA take off. Lou wondered if he was sorry he had stayed, maybe he'd rather have gone with that woman, whose memo-slot he still carried.

Then she realized how crazy she sounded, even to herself and groaned inwardly.

 

In silence they watched the small vessel rise and take off, the voices of bickering team-mates slowly disappearing into the house. Standing there Lou wondered what was going to happen now, what she truly felt? Relief yes, an immense relief. But all the same she felt angry. Angry at the Kid. For getting her this riled up, this nervous, no - scared, that he would leave. That he had her running out of the house ready to express everything she harbored inside, like he always did. Then to have to watch him laugh and joke with a women he barely knew, smiling at her. Telling her things. Why wouldn't he tell her? Why was it so hard to be around him occasionally, why did she feel like it was downright dangerous to look at him. Because looking meant wanting more and more. Why did it feel so right all the same? It was insane, she knew that. She was on a roller coaster headed for the looney bin.

"Kid," she said to break the silence.

He moved closer to watch her, not saying a word, unnerving her by standing so close she would just have to extend her hand to lay it on him. To then wrap her arms around him and hold him close. Kiss him and melt into his embrace. Her vision again filling with internal images of the two of them together, in passion.

"So you're staying?" Her voice came out in a different tone that she had intended. It sounded like an accusation. She didn't even have the time to explain herself before she found him stepping even closer, standing right in front of her, looking into her eyes. The expression in his had her silent. The intensity in his gaze forced her to look away.

"You sound disappointed," he said after a beat, before walking away.

Bewildered Lou followed his stride, long steps carrying him away from her. Leaving her desolated. "Where ar' ya going?" She hollered at him, mad at his playing with her. Forcing her into this emotional whirlwind.

Kid stopped and turned, looking at her that way again. Those blue eyes looking deep inside her, waiting for her to give in to him, completely and without reservation. Lou felt like he was looking right through her, seeing her fears and her needs, the things she wasn't ready to reveal. She crossed her arms over her chest. Watching him, waiting for him to have his say.

Kid noticed her movements and diverted his eyes to the dirt under his feet. "Gotta feed the horses," he said, lifting his eyes to meet hers. The same distance she'd seen, back in them, the 'don't touch me, don't talk to me' defense put up. And Lou knew she had put it there.

She watched as he walked to the stables, tears pricking behind her eyes. Why was it so hard for them to talk? Or for him to talk? She had spilled enough beans to him already. But he, he was always quiet, not letting her know anything. Even his body language was hard to decipher. Everything about him was - different. He saw more in her than most people did, just by watching her intently, she felt like she was being read. And part of her wanted to tell him everything, somewhere deep inside she felt she could trust him completely. But that feeling was so new to her, so new she didn't trust it yet. And he obviously didn't trust her either. And he had taken that memo-slot. She had to face it, it would never happen.

As she turned and walked into the house, she told the EA to call Sean. It was high time she returned some of his calls. It was high time she got her senses back.

 

 

Teaspoon sighed contentedly as he gulped down the last of the cafs, casting a grateful glance in Emma's direction. Then he put the cup down and looked at each of the pioneers, intently. His face turning serious and pensive. Watching Cody for a long while, muttering something to himself.

"What?" Cody barked.

"Things are gonna change," Teaspoon sighed.

Ike and Kid threw each other a glance over the table, knowing they had heard this before. Lou caught their glance and let her eyes wander between them, wondering what they knew and weren't telling?

"What'ya mean change?" Cody asked,. "I fed them darned hogs, I promise. I won't..."

"As I said," Teaspoon cleared his throat demonstratively. "Things are gonna change around here." Then he paused and looked into the empty cup on the table, drumming his fingers on the surface of the table.

"If you wouldn't mind Teaspoon, I'd like to hear it sometimes this lifetime," Jimmy remarked impatiently. "You finally gonna get Cody to pull his weight around here or what?"

"Hey!" Cody protested, "it's really my time off tonight and still I ..."

"Starting tomorrow there will be settlers coming in, and not any settlers either." Teaspoon broke in. Glaring at the two combatants. "You won't have all this energy starting tomorrow, I promise you this much."

"I knew it!" Cody exclaimed, "I'm telling you I ain't..."

"Starting tomorrow Amanda O'Connell will be leading a work group, building Sweetwater and you'll all be involved."

"Amanda O'Connell?" Cody's head popped up, his interest awakened. "Ya mean a woman? Heck, I'm game."

"You're a fool," Jimmy muttered, "but I'll hold ya to it if she's a hundred years old and ugly...Ouch!" Glaring to his side as Lou placed an elbow rather firmly in his side.

"Let Teaspoon finish," she said with an angelic face.

Emma laughed, "better watch your mouth Jimmy, Cody's starting to grow on you."

"What you mean Teaspoon," Sam interrupted," 'not any settlers'? What does that mean?"

"Well, there's been some problems," Teaspoon mumbled. "And it looks like we're gonna have to deal with'em."

"With what?" Lou intervened, "what's so bad?"

"Site 113, 115 and 98 has had their share of troubles, and now they're sending them to us," Teaspoon said. "They're sending us a group of settlers, among them thieves and murderers, you name it. Together with perfectly innocent, new settlers. I'm telling you, it's asking for trouble. That's what it is. I've told them, but they won't listen. So tomorrow Amanda will arrive, with a group of convicts. She needs all of your help to keep them in line, they're paying their debt to society by rebuilding Sweetwater. And you'll be helping them all."

"What?" Jimmy exploded, " I'm gonna have to baby-sit a bleeding softy trying to reform convicts?"

"So that's what Samantha was talking about?" Kid ventured, "the troubles on the sites? They're sending the troublemakers here?"

"Samantha who?" Lou wheezed in Kid's direction, "that woman you were talking to?"

"Lou," Emma warned her with a glance as Kid looked at Lou like she had just bit him. Watching the two of them stare at each other, Kid looking bewildered, not getting the reason for Lou's anger, Emma sighed deeply.

"She a convict?" Cody asked, "what she do?"

"Who?" Noah turned to Cody, feeling he, or somebody was left out of the loop, "what the hell are you talkin' 'out?"

"I just found the file on Amanda O'Connoll," Cody leered and flicked the EA to 'visualize'.

A picture of a woman their own age appeared on the wall behind Teaspoon. Lou turned to watch as Kid's eyes seemed nailed to the wall.

"She sure don't look like a convict," Cody said dreamily.

"Were you even listening Cody?" Noah moaned, "flick that thing off, let Teaspoon continue for heaven's sake."

"What do I have to do to get locked up with her?" Cody continued, his eyes locked on the vision on the wall.

Kid took the EA from behind his ear and flipped it over to Jimmy. A grin on his face. "All yours, Jimmy!"

"Hey!" Cody was up on his feet and threw himself in Jimmy's direction. "I didn't memorize it yet!"

Jimmy leered happily at him, "sorry Billy!" Flipping the EA back to Kid causing, Cody to curse as he rammed into the table on his route to get the Kid.

A hail of curses and invectives rained over all three of them as cafs spilled onto the table and food dropped off forks.

"Boys!" Teaspoon roared from the end of the table, making Cody stop dead in his tracks. "I give up, you'll have your orders in the morning, gotta see who I can pair up. Don't need no bloodshed around here right now. You go do your business all of you, this is the last day of peace and calm. Tomorrow there will a new town rising in the valley, and you'll gonna see to it its done." He watched sadly as Rachel took the spoon filled with butter out of Buck's hand. Casting a stern glance in his direction, seeing him aim at Ike.

Shaking his head Teaspoon continued; "Some of you'll have to ride out and scan the marked plots in person. Some of you will have to stay here and help Amanda get organized and..."

"I volunteer," Cody chimed in as Amanda O'Connell's name was mentioned.

Lou retaliated with a perfect hit, placing a fair amount of butter in Cody's blond hair, smirking slightly as part of her load took its own trajectory and landed on Ike. Ducking and looking perfectly innocent as Cody swung around, looking for the culprit.

Teaspoon sighed and rose from the table. "Tell you what. I'm starting to feel sorry for them convicts."

A giggle escaped Lou and as Teaspoon walked into his office, all of the brave pioneers were trying to avoid bursting into howling laughter. As the door shut behind Teaspoon, he could hear the outburst in the kitchen.

"Merciful God," Teaspoon chuckled.

 

 

"Lou!"

"Yeah Buck?"

"Kid asked me to ask you if you've seen the cooling gel?"

"Using it," she replied, coating Lightning's legs with the liniment. "I think Lightning's left hind leg needs a look over. Feels kinda warm, would you tell Kid to check it out?"

"Uh huh," Buck answered and walked back.

"And would you ask him if he's seen my riding boots? Were on Katy's tack-box and I can't find them any longer!"

Buck turned and walked back to lean in over Lightning's stall-door. "Is this gonna be it from now on, Lou? I'm running to Kid asking your questions and to you asking his? Think it would be much easier if you just talked to each other."

"What'ya mean?" Lou rose and faced Buck, "I don't understand?"

"First it was the feeding of the horses, does Lightning need how much less if he ain't working. Remember, I made five trips between the two of you before we got that one settled. Then Kid wanted to know if you'd take Powdercake out. Another three trips before you got that squared. Then you needed to know if he checked the licks in the corral, two more. And now this!? Liniment and riding boots." Buck stopped and peered at her. "Something tells me you two are dying to keep in touch and using me as a mean, just ain't right you know."

"But...but, you were there. I mean easier for you to..." Lou stammered.

"Lay off it, Lou." Buck smiled, "go ask him yourself about the riding boots, and the cooling gel. If you ask me you both need it!"

"What?"

"You know what I mean, get it out of your systems, you're killing us here with all this tension," Buck chuckled as he walked away, laughing to himself the whole way out.

"Crap," Lou muttered to herself, "cooling gel so won't do it."   
She turned back to Lightning and started brushing him off, the horse nibbling at the hay contentedly. "Tell you what Lightning, this is really getting ridiculous. If he wants the cooling gel, let him come get it. I won't kill him, ya know. But heck no, he's gotten his eyes on that Samantha woman now. Turning her head around. Poor thing, before she even knows it, she'll be a mess, just like me."   
She paused to watch Lightning's head rise. The horse gently rubbed his head against her shoulder before returning to his meal. "Ya know Lightning, before I came here, I had everything under control, I was cool and levelheaded. Well almost anyway. I knew what I wanted and I took it if I had the chance. Never cared really that much about what people said or thought, I just did my thing and that was that. But now?"

Leaning her head against Lightning's warm neck, she sighed, embracing the horse with both arms, for comfort.   
"I don't even know what I want any longer. Have all these strange dreams and visions. I swear it's crazy, small children with blue eyes, Lightning, I'm scared of myself sometimes."

She jumped as someone moved outside the stall. Her cheeks burning hot, she hid her face in the coarse mane. Buck must have returned and heard everything! _God! how will I explain this?_

"You all right, Lou?"

 _Let the earth swallow me up, let the barn come down on me. At least make those last seconds disappear somehow!_ "Fine Kid," Lou muttered, what the hell is HE doing here? We're not talking!

Steps were coming inside the stall and she pressed her face into the warm coat of Lightning's strong neck. A hand on her shoulder, his hand on her shoulder. Shivers running through her as it lay there, warmth spreading through her. Involuntary she gasped for air at the touch. The hand disappeared at once.

"I'm sorry Lou, what's wrong?"

She just couldn't stay here for an eternity, she had to do something. But facing him right now was too much. He would be laughing at her if he had heard those last words, the dream she didn't even know she had until she told the horse about it. Small children with blue eyes, and she actually said it out loud? Gathering herself, she turned away from Lightning, bowing to take the cooling gel into her hand. She stuffed the tube into Kid's hand, brusquely.

"Left hind leg Kid, check it out!" With a grunt she pushed herself past him and ran out, heart beating in her chest. Shame coloring her cheeks.

"Lou?" The alarm in his voice had her stop and turn.

"Promised to help Rachel," she lied, "half-an-hour ago, gotta go!" Hurriedly she tossed the words at him, amazed at how neutral her voice was sounding.

He was just standing there, looking at her, not understanding. Concern and bewilderment in those blue eyes. He looked at her and repeated her name so quietly she could barely hear him say it.

She turned and ran out of the barn.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Dire Strait - Romeo and Juliet http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tim4VzHUUyQ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AOP - Automatic Osteophoric Perforation Device  
> Inuter - A computer-like system with biological processors that works on intuition instead of the computer's logical binominal series.
> 
>  
> 
> Inspired by Mark Knopler's "Romeo and Juliet" Link to listen = http://www.angelfire.com/tv/TYR2313/DireStraitsRomeoandJuliet.au

Lou reached the porch and found Jimmy sitting on it, watching her with wide eyes as she came running like a lunatic across the yard. Catching Jimmy's stunned expression, she finally broke down and laughed. She laughed at herself, at the stupidities she continued to perform in front of the Kid. She did need some kind of medication, this was just not normal. Telling a horse about her thoughts! No, she was going out of her mind. She replayed the scene of her storming out of the stall, giggling as she thought about the impact she must have made on him. A loon on the loose!

"What's so funny Lou?" Jimmy asked after having watched her for a while. "Mind filling me in?"

"Me! Talking to horses," Lou chirped, bending over double again.

"Hell, Kid does that all the time, nothing new around these parts," Jimmy retorted and returned to clicking on his memo-slot. "Tell you what, I've found myself doing it too, just occasionally but even so. Funny critters them horses, have you spill their guts to them just like that."

Lou wiped the tears from her eyes and glanced at Jimmy, smiling at the amused grin on his face as he stared down on the slot. With a happy chuckle, she scooted closer to him and nudged him playfully with her elbow. "So what have you been tellin' Sundancer?"

Jimmy leered teasingly at her. "You'd really like to know, wouldn't ya?"

"Tell you what Jimmy, it couldn't be any worse than what I just told Lightning, I can practically guarantee that much."

"What you tell 'im?" Jimmy's curiosity was awakened and he turned to her, humor in his eyes as he watched her.

Lou laughed again, shaking her head at the thought. "It was just something that should never had been told to anybody, God Jimmy, I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep saying and doing things that really freak me out."

"Come on Lou! It couldn't have been that bad," Jimmy smiled at her.

"You have no idea," Lou said and rose to her feet. "Is Noah inside?" With a friendly pat on Jimmy's shoulder, she turned to walk inside the house.

"You sick Lou?" Jimmy asked concerned.

Lou stopped and turned back to watch him. Seeing the concern in his eyes, she shook her head. "No, not like that. I just need some adjustments done, I'm sure of it. Brain transplant most likely," she grinned at him before moving to open the door.

"Lou!"

"Yeah Jimmy?"

"Whatever you need, I'm here for you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah Jimmy, I know that." She walked back to him and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks Jimmy," she sighed and ruffled his hair.

 

 

Jimmy watched until she closed the door behind her, then he shook his head and returned once again to the tedious work of ordering the equipment for the new settlers. Then he paused in his work and looked in the direction of the stables, wondering. Contemplating if he should tell Lou and make her understand a little bit better? But he just couldn't do it, he just couldn't betray Kid like that. Kid would never do it to him. Irritating as he was, he was still some kind of a friend. Knowing him made Jimmy realize he was probably going through some pretty tough adjustments himself. Jimmy had promised himself never to fall in love again, never to get close to anybody. Maybe Kid had done the exact same thing, that would explain so much about the changes in him, the friend he almost lost back then. Even after all these years, Jimmy still knew the Kid well enough to see through his current charade. He had never stopped blaming himself. And it still nagged at him evidently, nagged at him to the extent that he did not follow his instincts or his heart. And now Lou had stepped into his life, into both their lives. This time Jimmy would stay low, not interfere, for everybody's sake. Because of the deep brown eyes that glittered when they fell on his friend, and because of the foolish grin on the face of his friend anytime those dark eyes were around.

"Damned fool!" Jimmy muttered and tried to concentrate on the task at hand. "Why don't you just let go for once in your goddamned life? It wasn't your bloody fault, it was all mine!"

 

 

"Noah!" Lou asked and stuck her head into the sickbay. Rachel's and Noah's voices hummed inside, but she couldn't see them.

"Yeah Lou?" His voice came from behind the large cabinets at the far end of the room, Lou smiled to herself, wondering what the hell they were doing there, hiding?

"Something wrong, Lou? Or are you done already?" Rachel asked as her head popped up behind the stretcher in the middle of the room. Her hands full of all kinds of equipment.

Lou couldn't figure out what they were doing. "Done?" she asked, "what'ya mean, Rachel?"

Noah emerged from behind the cabinet, a memo-slot in his hand. "Three packs of frozen plasma, with all them coming in we probably need a dozen more. And some stem-cells, just in case."

Rachel smiled up to him and flicked the memo-slot he was handing her into the portable. "I can't find the AOP anywhere, Noah."

"Gave it to Kid, figured he's need it more than me, at least I hope so," Noah admitted. "But we better get ourselves some more...."

"Just in case," Rachel finished for him, returning to concentrate on the portable inuter.

"I'm still here," Lou reminded them.

"You got the memo-slots?" Noah asked as he walked over to her. "That was fast. I just sent him out."

"Sent him out?" Lou felt like scratching her head at this entire discussion. "Who?"

"Kid! Didn't he tell you? You need to figure out the needs for the increase in the animal population." He stopped right in front of her, watching her expectantly.

"Oh," Lou let out, fighting the threatening reddening of her cheeks. "Well, yea..he came out all right - but then -. You see Lightning had this problem with his hind leg so I told him to look at that first. I didn't realize it was so important. And then I came to think about one thing and...Rachel I need to talk to you!"

"What's wrong?" Noah asked and Lou saw the dark eyes glittering with humor. She shrugged, she just couldn't ask Noah for help, the guy was a man and she wouldn't let him see her weakness. Never. She had a funny feeling he knew too much already.

"I just need to snatch Rach away from you for a moment, you'll have her right back." Lou peered at him, guessing an attach was the best defense in this precise instant. But she didn't miss the amused glance the two of them stole when Rachel got up and walked over to her.

Lou's palms were getting sweaty.

"What is it Louise?" Rachel asked, tilting her head and smiling teasingly.

"In private!" Lou snapped and took a firm grip on Rachel's wrist, dragging her out. "You'll be back with Noah in no time, I promise."

"Thanks," Noah chuckled as Lou closed the door in his face.

 

 

"What's a matter Lou?" Rachel inquired while she was dragged down the stairs and into the recreation room. Lou thoroughly checked that nobody was in hearing range before she shut the door behind them. Then she stopped by the door and looked at Rachel, in a manner that had Rachel wrinkle her brow.

Lou still said nothing and Rachel was really getting worried at this point. Was the girl gonna reveal some hideous crime committed? Was she feeling ill? Had something bad happened? "Lou, what...?"

"Rachel, there's something wrong with me, seriously wrong!"

"Louise!" Rachel exclaimed frantically, stepping up closer to her.

Lou turned and walked past her to stand by the window. "I don't mean physically, not like that. I'm not in pain - well, not in that kind of pain anyhow. It's just..." Her voice trailed off and she stared out the window.

"Confusing?" Rachel asked, her voice filled with amusement.

"Irritatin' is what it is, Rach!" Lou muttered to the window. "Is there something like fresh air intoxication, Rachel? Or openness sickness? Anything that can explain what's happening to me here? Any medication to stop it?"

Rachel had to bite down on her tongue not to laugh out loud. Fresh Air intoxication? The expression had her giggling.

"It's not funny!" Lou turned and crossed the arms over her chest, glaring at Rachel.

"Sorry Lou, just that expression, fresh air...I mean it was very funny but no, there's nothing like that."

"Rachel, I really need something, something to stop this...this...this.."

"The throws between bliss and despair you mean?"

Lou nodded.

"That feeling of breathlessness? The tingling? The floating feeling?"

"Yep, that's about it," Lou said, watching Rachel closely. Repositioning into a guarded stance. Wrinkling her nose at the sight of Rachel's wide grin.

Rachel laughed out loud, shaking her head, she slumped down into a chair. "Oh God Lou, there ain't no medication, you know that! No worries, it blows over and then you're gonna miss it. Don't tell me you've never felt it before? It blows over Lou, I promise."

"In high school Rach, not since I grew up! I mean hello - I'm actually blushing!"

Rachel let out another snort of laughter. Not that she meant to laugh at Louise, just at her perfect description of the ailment of falling in love. The sickness without a cure, the rush, the free falling. "Well Lou, I mean, you survived it back then without medication, so why not now?"

Lou walked to stand right in front of Rachel's chair. Looking down on the woman sitting there, having such a hard time keeping her face straight. "Because this time it's worse than I ever imagined. It never was like this before. I mean it was such a long time ago I can't even remember the last time. I just remember the boy laughing at me, calling me names when he found out. I don't wanna go though that once more, I don't wanna be belittled and ridiculed ever again, Rachel."

Rachel sobered up instantly, watching the eyes of Louise shadowed with dull pain. Deep-rooted pain from the attack on her right to exist, her right to feel. "I'm sorry Lou, boys can be so harsh, I know. But Kid ain't a boy Lou, Kid wouldn't hurt your feelings, I just know it."

"Well, I'm already attached you know, it's not right to have these feelings. Just ain't right! Goddamned dangerous if you ask me!"

"You love him?"

"God, I don't know, heck I don't even know him! And then sometimes it feels like I've known him forever. Like in another lifetime or something. For an entire eternity and like he's the one I've been waiting for all this time."

"I was talking about your boyfriend, Sean, right?" Rachel pointed out with a smile.

"Uh, him?" Lou sighed and sank into the chair at Rachel's side. "He's safe Rach, he loves me I know that. I like him, I really do, he's safe and we have fun. He's a great friend and ..."

"Lou," Rachel interrupted her softly, "but there's something missing, right?"

There was a long silence as Lou leaned back and closed her eyes. Rachel waited for her to search her own feelings, that's probably what she needed right now. Sort it all out, come to a conclusion.

But Lou said nothing, she sat there for a while, not moving at all. Then she rose and turned back to watch Rachel, sadness in her eyes."I don't know anything anymore Rachel, I just don't know nothing at all."

Rachel searched around in her pockets, she should have a patch right in there, one that would work wonders. "Hold on Lou," she mumbled, sensing the form of the patches in her pocket, she found what she was looking for. A thin oval one, taking it and reading the label she smiled at her own tactile expertise. "I have what you need, Lou."

"Will it work?"

"Sure," Rachel nodded and put it behind the younger woman's right ear, right under the EA. "It'll start working in a minute or so, take a couple of deep breaths, Lou." She watched as Lou slowly filled her lungs and visibly relaxed by the exercise alone. "That's it Lou, feel it?"

"Yeah," Lou admitted.

"Go on, go help Kid with the ordering."

Lou just glanced at her over her shoulder as walked out. Rachel smiled encouragingly at her. When Lou closed the door behind her, Rachel took the empty wrapping and tossed it into the dustbin in the corner of the room.

"B-vitamin does it all the times," Rachel chuckled and walked out of the room.

 

 

Lou felt confident walking across the yard to the stables, the patch behind her ear was working wonders, she felt relieved and calm. This time she wasn't about to make a fool of herself around him, this time she was cool. Opening the door to the tack-room, she just smiled at him when his head popped up, his smile sending her knees weak for a moment. But she regained her composure in no time. Walking up to where he sat on the floor, surrounded by half a dozen boxes.  
"Let's get to work," she said and reached for the memo-slot he was holding. "You count and I'll do the ordering."

Kid just handed her the memo-slot. "I've gotten most of it done, it's just these boxes that need to be checked out. I did the feed already. Figured this would come so I already had it organized."

"And what the hell is in these boxes?" Lou asked peering into one. It was filled with all kind of stuff, brushes, horse shoes, even hooks and strange metal pieces.

"Have no idea," Kid sighed, "found them under that bench over there, must have been left here since last time we visited." He looked at her with a apologetic grin.

"A very orderly bunch, I see," Lou laughed and turned the box upside down. Crouching to sort out the items, she shook her head in Kid's direction.

"Oh!" Kid exclaimed and reached for a bundle of leather rolled up. "I've been looking for this."

Lou eyed him briefly. "What is it?"

"Katy's favorite Hackamore," Kid smiled.

"Her favorite Hackamore?" Lou giggled. "Kid you're funny, Katy don't care what she wears as long as you put it on her, I know, I've seen you two together." Then she had to divert her gaze, fearing he would interpret the words differently from what she intended, maybe she had revealed too much?

"I don't know Lou, I keep messing things up all the time." Kid spoke quietly at her side, easing himself closer to her.

"Me too, Kid," Lou said and glanced at him, so close by her side. "They say it's human, you know."

He laughed again, having her join in his happy chuckles. It felt so right being here, so right. And all the same it was so wrong, she had a boyfriend back home and she had signed a contract. She sighed and started working through the rest of the boxes, every now and then holding up an item for Kid to check out, since she had no idea what the hell it was. Neither did Kid half of the time. So they sat there and went through the boxes, smiling at each other, chuckling at the wisecracks. Teasing each other for their inadequacies, squabbling like old friends.

 

 

Kid held his breath at her closeness, wishing this would never end. Her laughter as he in shame admitted he had no idea what she was holding in her hand, even though he should know. The humor in her eyes when she shook her head and glanced at him, scolding him for the untidiness. The scent of her as she leaned in over the box, taking an other object and scrutinizing it closely. Her presence calling all his attention. The way she wiped the hair out of her eyes with her arm, and the strain of hair on her neck, refusing to settle. He just sat there, only barely noticing what she said, what they both said, he was too occupied with looking at her, taking her in.

Then she rose to her feet and pointed at the shelf high up in the corner of the room. "Kid, we better check them bottles up there too. God knows what's in them."

"Uh huh," he cracked, stunned by her swift moves. He crawled up on his feet, feeling absolutely ridiculous. "I'll just tuck them here boxes away."

When he turned back around, she was already balancing on an unsteady wooden ladder, placed on top of a rack that looked about to fall into pieces. "Lou," he gasped, "come down, please! Let me do that!"

She thanked him with a murdering glance. Turning back to the shelf and extracting a very dusty bottle from the back.

Kid gripped the wooden construction hard, hoping it wouldn't come crashing down. Looking up at her, his eyes caught a glimpse of the bare skin in the fissure of her shorts and the shirt tied into a knot around her waist. The flat abdomen moving slightly as she reached further in. His eyes glued to the tanned skin underneath, the muscle playing under the soft stretched skin. He had to hold back a moan. He wanted to let go off the ladder and feel that skin under his palm, soothe it and caress it, arouse her. Kiss it and feel it flex under him.

"I think most of these bottles are the same Kid, says linseed oil on them all, under all this damned dust that is. Can't be sure of all them back there thou'."

Her voice had him finally tear his eyes from her waist area.  
"Might be," he managed to get out. Relieved she wasn't looking down on him and catching him red-handed, he moved a little closer to the ladder. Still holding it tightly. But he couldn't help letting his eyes wander, they followed her lines and curves. The back curving into the cutest butt he'd ever seen, then the beautiful legs, tanned and strong. The perfect knees. _I wonder if you like being kissed in the knee pits?_ He had to hold his breath for a while, not exactly sure he hadn't spoken out loud. But since nothing hard came down on his head, he figured it had only been a thought. _But if you knew what I'm thinking right now you'd kill me Lou. I'd give anything in this world to be able to touch you. I'd like to kiss you everywhere, Lou, you know that don't you?_  
The feet in the sandals, so beautiful. The toes so tiny, fragile. Easily crushed.  
 _I have to remind her not to walk around the horses in these shoes!_  
The scent of her having him fight himself not to throw his arms around her and clutch her into his hold. Holding her tight, feeling her every breath. The smell of soap and Lou herself having him close his eyes in pure desperation of not being able, not being allowed, to hold her. Kiss her and feel her. Wanting to lay his head at her feet and ask to be hers, in any way possible. He felt he knew her body already, he knew how she would react to his kisses and his caresses. Deep down inside of him there seemed to be memories of the two of them together, somewhere far away, like they had already been together. That they belonged, the sensation of losing himself so easily into her, perturbed him deeply; affecting his heartbeat. The need for her so intense that he had trouble breathing evenly. As he stood there, lines from a very old song started forming in his head, together with the melody. The phrases just assaulted him; _'the dice was loaded from the start, I bet - and you exploded into my heart'_

She grunted irritably and jerked something out, causing the ladder to shift onto him. Her hip now resting on his chest. His hand automatically curved around her, holding her still. Keeping her safe.

"They're all that linseed oil, Kid, nothing else." Then she turned in his hold, his protective arm around her hips. He looked up at her. Slightly dizzy.

She smiled down at him. "What's wrong, Kid?"

"Please come down," he begged.

Lou tilted her head and looked at him quizzically but she did step down from the ladder, but remain on the rack, her eyes now in level with his. He noticed he had not even removed his arm. It now rested around the waist, on her bare skin. He was speechless, his body readying itself for her. He had to remove himself from her before she'd understand. The damned song lodged in his mind, with visions of her and him together. The EA picking it up and started playing the original in his head, tone for tone, word for word. Accentuating his need for her.

"What's wrong, Kid?"

At the sound of her repeated question, he finally managed to restore enough of his self-control to remove the arm. But somehow the hand moved by itself into Lou's hair. The second he felt the softness, he realized he was being too forward.  
"Some dust there Lou," he said, his voice husky with emotion. He had to bow his head, knowing he had revealed too much. Cursing himself for what he was feeling, for what he was letting happen. His hand trailed her lines down her arm to the curve of her hip. To then stop there, refusing to let go.

"Kid?"

He sensed Lou's eyes on him, watching him intently. He had no other alternative that to raise his eyes and look at her, knowing she'd be able to read far too much on his face. "I was just thinking about a song," he smiled. Hoping to get away with half a lie.

"A song?" she asked, her voice so low it sent his skin into goosebumps. "What song?"

He just moved his head slightly to the side. His hands still holding her, resting on her hips, like to steady her. But he knew that wasn't it, he held her because he had to feel her. He held her because letting go would hurt.

Lou understood and picked the EA from behind his ear, placing it behind her own. Waiting a moment for it to pick up her alpha layer and connecting. Her eyes locked with his, deep dark wells calling out to him like nothing else before, touching the core of his being. He looked for all the secrets hidden in the deep wells, wanting to see them glaze over with passion, light up with laughter and get hazy for him when he made love to her. Deep within, there was a treasure he could only dream about. So much about her he would never know, because he couldn't be with her, because she was somebody else's to know and love. He'd never make those eyes darken with passion, and right now he would give anything to have that happen.

She closed her eyes and Kid could have sworn he felt the music fill her. Eyes closed she smiled and Kid leaned in, he had to feel her lips on his, just once more in his life. That was all he'd ever ask for, that Lou would kiss him - only one more time.

"KID!"

Jimmy voice echoed in his head and he let go of Louise. The voice evoking memories, memories that drowned him with guilt, making him face reality. Reminding him that what he did was against all his promises, against what he had sworn on that dreadful day six years ago. He just couldn't do this to Louise, it was so wrong.

"Oh sorry!" Jimmy said. "Didn't mean to disturb. It's just that Noah and Rachel were asking. They need them orders within ten minutes."

"It's okay Jimmy, we were done anyway," Kid mumbled, "gotta get these memo-slots to them."

He turned to walk away, stopping at the door. "You okay Lou? I'm so sorry!"

Lou watched him walk out on her, once again. Jimmy asked what the hell the Kid was sorry for this time?

"I have no idea," Lou replied.

Jimmy eyed her suspiciously. She smiled in his direction, telling him she needed to tidy up the place somewhat. Jimmy just nodded and disappeared.

Lou sank down to sit on the floor, resting her head up against the wall. Letting the music wash over her. Remembering Kid so close to her. So close in all senses. The words of the song finally penetrated her mind:  


A lovestruck Romeo  
sings the streets a serenade  
laying everybody low  
with a lovesong that he made  
finds a streetlight  
steps out of the shade  
says something like  
you and me babe how about it?  
Juliet says hey it's Romeo  
you nearly gave me a heart attack  
he's underneath the window  
she's singing hey la my boyfriend's back  
you shouldn't come around here singing up at people like that  
anyway what you gonna do about it?  
Juliet  
the dice was loaded from the start  
and I bet and you exploded in my heart  
and I forget I forget the movie song  
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong Juliet?  
come up on different streets  
they both were streets of shame  
both dirty both mean  
yes and the dream was just the same  
and I dream your dream for you  
and now your dream is real  
how can you look at me as I was just another one of your deals?  
well you can fall for chains of silver  
you can fall for chains of gold  
you can fall for pretty strangers  
and the promises they hold  
you promised me everything  
you promised me thick and thin  
now you just say oh Romeo yeah you know  
I used to have a scene with him  
Juliet  
when we made love you used to cry  
said I love you like the stars above  
I'll love you till I die  
there's a place for us  
you know the movie song  
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?  
Juliet  
Can't do the talks like the talk on the TV  
and I can't do a love song  
like the way its meant to be  
I can't do everything  
but I'd do anything for you  
can't do anything except be in love with you  
and all I do is miss you  
and the way we used to be  
all I do is keep the beat  
the band accompany make  
all I do is kiss you  
through the bars of Orion  
Juliet I'd do the stars with you any time  
Juliet  
when we made love you used to cry  
you said I love you like the stars above  
Ill love you till I die  
there's a place for us  
you know the movie song  
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong  
Juliet?  
and a lovestruck Romeo sings the streets a serenade  
laying everybody low  
with a lovesong that he made  
finds a convenient streetlight  
steps out of the shade  
says something like you and me babe  
how about it?  
(Music and Lyrics by Mark Knopfler)

She just sat there replaying the song over and over, humming the words softly. Tears welling into her eyes. Grabbing the patch behind her ear, she removed it cursed; "Goddamned useless thing!"  
With a sob she tossed it to the floor, looking at it for a moment before resting her head back on the wall. Tears now rolling down her cheek, but she had no idea if she was sad or immensely happy.

He had been so close she had felt his breath on her lips, his arm around her waist, his hands on her hips. Sending heat throughout her, promising her everything and more.

 _No need for chains of silver and gold, no promises to hold, just you and me - babe._

And then he had disappeared out of her reach again, taking the warmth along with him. Leaving her so incredibly lonely. Leaving her aching.

Closing her eyes she whispered to the empty room; "Oh God. Kid, do the stars with me, anytime!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> M-EA - Modulating-ear arch, a device that monitors intentions and controls behavior. Used for monitoring and modulating behavior in cases where such modulating and monitoring is considered vital. Need surgical implantation and is iplemented only by court order.

Rachel watched Noah stand by the counter, clad in an apron, slicing bread. She watched from behind the kitchen door ajar, glad not to be seen so she could look. She loved watching him, specially when he didn't notice. Cody stumbled around the table, setting it. Blocking her view occasionally as he walked around it, his funny modus operandi when setting the table making Rachel stifle an occasional giggle.

Noah watched Cody, walk to the counter, take one plate and arrange the fork and knife on it to then take the glass and carry the load to the table. Then he returned promptly for the next setting.

"Billy?" Noah cleared his throat, "wouldn't it be easier to put all the plates out first and then..."

"Shhh, Noah, I'm thinking here."

"What?"

"I have around five minutes to finish the breakfast fixin' schedule." Cody glared at Noah, stopping in the middle of the floor and looking lost for a moment before he realized he was getting another plate. "Rachel saved my butt last time and I'm guessing she's gonna hold it against me."

"The one you should'a handed in three days ago?"

The blond logger cast a desperate glance over his shoulder, shrugging as an indication that his friend was right in his assumption. Scratching his head, he fumbled with a memo-slot. Slowly he walked up to the counter again, deep in thought. Noah shook his head and returned to the task at hand. Then Cody sprang to life, a low chuckle escaping him as he leaped back to the table with the last plate and put it down triumphantly. "I have it!"

"Only you forgot the table cloth, it actually goes underneath the plates," Noah laughed while setting the breadbasket to its place at the center of the table. "Did you manage to schedule yourself out of all kitchen duties?"

"See I scheduled Kid and Lou for three mornings next week, thought they needed it. And then Jimmy and Kid for one and you and Rachel the rest."

"Kid's gonna kill ya, you have him cooking four mornings, not only is he gonna kill you, he's gonna kill us all."

"Crap!" Cody scratched his head, "should'a started this earlier, huh? Well how this...Monday; Kid and Lou, Tuesday you and Rachel, Wednesday Kid and Lou....or maybe Jimmy and Kid but the hell I know if I trust them two to..."

"Cody," Noah grinned, "are you on this list at all?"

Rachel had to pinch herself not to laugh out loud at Cody's ingenuity, he'd get himself out of this too if she didn't stop him. Smiling widely, she pushed the door wide open.

"Me? I have all these other assignments to...oh hey Rachel!"

"Cute," Rachel said in Noah's direction, pointing at the apron.

"Thanks," Noah replied with a grin.

"Lookin' so cheery this morning, Rachel!" Cody flashed her a smile too.

"Always cheery in the mornings Cody, what's this I hear about the schedule still undone?" Looking into the pot of oatmeal, she hastily moved it from the heat, it had already taken on a nasty brownish color.

"Well..eh...there's some troubles making this list, not enough good cooks."

"Cody, you're not making a gala dinner, you're supposed to boil eggs and porridge, boil some water for tea and cafs and maybe slice some bread. That's all I ask."

"It's an art you know," Cody raised a finger demonstratively. "It's the oldest art-form in the history of mankind to ...."

"After the art of dodging duties," Noah intervened with a meaningful glance in Rachel's direction.

"And Codyy does master that one, what about you and me redo that list, Noah? High time Cody learns how to boil water too," Rachel pondered. "Let's see, Monday; Cody and Cody, Tuesday, lets see who's free, heck it'll be Cody and Cody again..."

"Now hold on Rachel," Cody protested,"ya wanna eat don't ya?"

"He's right Rach, he'll have us all suffering from different forms of food intoxication if we let him loose in the kitchen."

"Yeah, probably," Cody was fast to admit to his shortcomings in this area. "I should probably never...."

"Right, Noah," Rachel admitted, catching the humor in Noah's eyes, "so what will we have him do instead?"

"There's that one thing you know," Noah smiled back at her, knowing she knew.

"Oh that!" Rachel covered her mouth in disgust. "But Noah no, that's not...it's too cruel!"

"I know," Noah said sadly. "But someone has to do it, unfortunately. And I think it's kinda in Cody's nature, spreading crap seems to come naturally to him. Besides, he owes you big for saving his sorry butt."

"WHAT!" Cody hollered. His eyes darting between the two, a slight expression of panic in them.

"The manure," Rachel and Noah chorused.

"No way," Cody said, waving his finger in their direction. "I simply refuse to sit on the manure spreader once again, I just won't do it."

"But Cody, you were so good at it last time," Rachel said sweetly. "And so good-looking."

"I was?"

"Oh yeah, very stylish."

"Well, I surely know how to drive a horse don't I? But Rachel, please, anything but the fertilizing!"

"It's that or not seeing Amanda O'Connell arrive today, take your pick."

"What?" Cody glared disbelievingly at Rachel.

Noah had turned his back on them both and Rachel saw his shoulders shaking with laughter. She had a hard time staying serious herself, watching Cody's frenetic trial to dodge the chores. "Cody? The manure or no Amanda?"

"I'll take the damned manure Rachel. But it's the last time I do it. I swear, this is pure blackmail. The worst kind!"

"I knew you would sweetie, now while we're on it, go see if they need help in the barn. I'll help Noah finish here, I'll even get that schedule done for ya. Breakfast will be ready in five."

"Thanks Rach, " Cody said and turned to the door. When he reached it, he stopped with the hand on the doorknob. Then he turned and watched Rachel standing by the counter. "What the hell am I thanking you for exactly, Rach?" He pondered out loud. Then a wide grin spread over his face. "You're good Rach, darn you're good!"

Rachel leaned back onto the counter and smiled as Cody closed the door behind him on his way out.

Noah scooted closer, stepping up to stand in front of her, resting his hands on either side of her, he framed her with his body. Rachel looked calmly into his eyes. And there was that subtle tease again. "You're good," Noah admitted.

Rachel's eyes glittered, "you gotta learn how to handle men Noah, it's easy when you get the trick. Nothing to it."

"Oh yes?" Noah asked and moved closer to her, their bodies separated by an inch. His eyes still locked with hers. "So how about handling me for a while?"

"Noah!" Rachel let out a short laugh and pushed him away from her, her hands on his chest. But Noah didn't budge. He didn't try to intrude either, he just stood there, looking at her, awaiting an answer. When it didn't come, he bowed his head to the side and smiled, "why not, Rach?"

The green eyes glittered again, a gleam of mischief passing before she restored her gaze into the usual neutral mode. "As Lou says, it's goddamned dangerous."

Momentarily caught off guard, Noah watched Rachel slide away from his vicinity, taking the pot of water and carrying it to the table.

"Sam and Emma are comin'." She nodded to the window and Noah saw the two approaching.

With a sigh he freed himself of the apron. "I thought you were the kind of woman who loved a little danger," Noah said softly. Taking the porridge, he followed her to the table.

Rachel skidded away, casting a glance over her shoulder. For a moment, Noah was taken aback from the expression in her eyes. There was something he had never seen before, something so sad in the brief glance she threw him. "Rach?" he asked, touching her arm. Already hearing the front door close.

"Noah, you don't know nothing about me," Rachel replied.

Sam's and Emma's voices were nearing the kitchen door, they were just about to step inside.

"I'll learn," Noah whispered his promise into Rachel's hair, "if you let me."

Rachel slid out his reach once again as the door opened.

 

 

"But Teaspoon, why the hell are they sending them characters here?" Jimmy grunted. "Isn't it enough they sent us Cody?"

Cody glared from the other side of the table, scooping some egg yoke into his spoon before Emma spotted his intentions and stopped him.

Teaspoon looked around the table, watching his protégeé stare blankly at him, obviously blaming him for the decisions made far above his head. It wasn't his idea to baby-sit criminals. "Now listen up," he started, "it wasn't my idea. But we gotta do what they ask us, y'all know that. They're sending them here to help rebuild Sweetwater, that's all. You'll just have to abide."

"We could'a done it just as fine by yourselves," Kid mumbled.

"Only it would'a taken you forever," Jimmy retorted.

"Attention!" Teaspoon cut them short before another famous round would begin. "They'll do the dirty work, you outta be thankful. They'll do all the digging and building, ya'll just be there to help and supervise. Sam'll see to it everything stays cool, Sam and Jimmy. It'll be all right."

"You're saying that twelve convicted criminals just around the corner will be all right?" Noah asked. "Teaspoon, I've read their files and I'm telling you...."

"Son," Teaspoon prompted, "everybody deserves a second chance, everybody."

"But right here?" Ike moaned, "we'll be hard pressed for time anyhow, the settlers will arrive within weeks."

"Even if everything works smoothly, there's a lotta work to be done," Buck pointed out. "Don't know if we can make it anyhow?"

"We'll do out damnedest son, that's what we'll do. We just need to get the self-contained system working, the settlers will bring their own dwellings. We'll make it," Teaspoon declared.

"And then?" Kid asked.

"And then?" Teaspoon echoed the question.

"I heard the criminals will be permanent inhabitants of this community," Jimmy clarified. "That's the part I really don't like."

"Second chances Jimmy, second chances."

"To kill and destroy you mean," Kid spoke quietly.

Jimmy threw him a glance. "Don't forget rape!"

"Okay," Teaspoon sighed deeply. "I know you don't like this, but the thing is, we have to keep this people somewhere. And they will be closely monitored, every minute of every day. They won't get the chance to do anything, they won't be able to even think about doing something. They all carry a M-EA. You know what that means, even their thoughts will be monitored, they don't stand a chance to get away with anything. The thing is that they're coming here, they'll help out and eventually, maybe, they will become a part of this community. Like everybody else. That's it, if you don't like it you just have to leave!"

"Doesn't that sound familiar," Kid grunted.

Lou looked over at Kid and Jimmy, seeing the glances they threw each other, sensing they were hiding something. They acted like they knew what was going to happen, or at least feared the possibilities.

"It's your pick, son. Stay and handle the situation or leave."

"Ain't always quite that simple," Jimmy mumbled. Scooping the last of the egg into a spoon, "I wish it would be that simple."

"I gotta go," Kid mumbled and clattered with he plate as he rose. "I'll go hitch the horses."

Lou watched him rise and nod a thanks in Noah's direction, clearly uncomfortable with all the eyes resting on him. He mumbled something before he walked rapidly out of the room. Jimmy mumbled his thanks too and followed him out. The rest remain looking at the door Jimmy closed behind him.

"What the heck was that all that about?" Cody asked.

Through the lateral window, Teaspoon's eyes followed the two young men walking outside until they vanished out of sight. The silence in the room had him divert his eyes back to the table. He found them all looking at him, waiting for an explanation of some sorts. Lou's eyes rested unyielding on his, asking him to say something. He would have liked to tell them all that he knew what was going on, but he just didn't.   
"I'll talk to them Lou, y'all just go on with your duties. Rachel and Noah, you go with Sam and Emma to clear the field of that wild oat. I'll muck out the stalls. All right? The rest of you, get yourselves to the platform at Sweetwater."

He nodded reassuringly at Lou, adding; "just finish your breakfast."

 

 

Jimmy watched with weariness the ASA hover over the sandy landing plot. Three self-contained modules already unloaded an hour ago, laying in perfect line, waiting for the inhabitants. Jimmy shrugged, he just knew he'd be facing trouble. A lot of trouble. Twelve men of disputable reputation were going to inhabit two of the barracks, the third by that woman, Amanda O'Connoll. Probably a do-gooder, a softy, ready to lay her life on the line to rehabilitate the others. Reinstate them into society, Jimmy smiled bitterly at the thought. She was one of those who refused to see that there was such a thing like pure evil. When would they ever learn? There was no way to rehabilitate this kind of men.

Emery Pike and his brother, Frank. Sentenced for rapes, murders and kidnappings. Innumerable accounts of extortion. Devilish minds. They'd hardly settle for rebuilding Sweetwater, they'd try to take it over and run it as they pleased.  
Cole Lambert, a protor gone bad, one of the best in his time. Until he was let out in the free, until he found that serving the people wasn't what he wanted. Using them was more like it. Having run the Willow Creeks settlement to its knees, all the provisions somehow ending up in his pockets, and the team members all dead. Half of the settlers' community too. He knew all the tricks, and he used them all to his benefit. And he wouldn't hesitate to do it again.  
And LeRoy and Dennis Ewers, old acquaintances, from his old neighborhood. He glanced at Kid standing at his side, watching the ASA waiting to land. Kid met with his eyes calmly, but the gaze showing a cold determination that told Jimmy Kid knew exactly what Jimmy felt in that instance.

"Starting to look like our old neighborhood, don't it?" Jimmy grunted in a low voice, trying to keep his words for Kid to hear only.

Kid let out a snort of bitter laughter. "Only difference is that back there them guys ran the place, Jimmy," he mumbled back.

"Give these here dudes two weeks and the same will happen over here, I guarantee you that."

"No Jimmy, never again. I've learned my lesson. It won't happen again, I guarantee you that."

Jimmy watched him intently, maybe Kid was right, they were older now. Wiser. And now they had more options. They were not scared kids any longer, they were men. "Let's just make sure it don't, Kid."

"You got it, Jimmy."

Jimmy turned back to watch the vehicle when the sound of the frontpanel opening caught his attention. Matching Kid's stance with arms crossed over his chest Jimmy waited for the unloading of the vessel.

 

Lou let her eyes wander between the two men standing in front of her. Both with squinted eyes, glaring at the vessel. There it was again, that deep bond between the two of them, and the silence. The secrets shared. The rivalry forgotten at the notion of possible danger. It seemed like an age old pattern of behavior, something they had done innumerable times before. However hard they tried to conceal the bond, it always shone through in times like these. They might not like each other very much, but they knew they could depend on each other. Even if they weren't willing to admit it.

More than ever, Lou felt she needed to know. Why all of a sudden they both had felt the urge to step in front of her, like sheltering her? They stood there with their backs to her, blocking her view. Ike threw her an amused grin at the sight and Lou felt ridiculous. She did surely not need the protection of these two. She was woman enough to stand on her own. She would just have to show them.

The frontpanel opened and she decisively pushed Kid to the side to get a clear view of what was coming to disturb their peace.

The woman came out alone. She stopped for a while, looking at them all standing there, ogling her. Then she hid a smile and started walking up to them.

Cody was the only one acting with some degree of civility. He stepped up to her and extended a hand. "Miss Amanda O'Connell, I presume? Just don't tell me it's missis!"

Amanda laughed. "Mister William Cody himself, right?"

"Yes," Cody beamed. "I see my reputation proceeds me."

"More like follows you like a bad omen," Amanda leered.

At Cody's baffled expression, she laughed, "I'm sorry Mr. Cody, I must hvea been thinking about your historical namesake. Heck you even look like him! It's truly amazing."

"Well, thank my parents for that, they made that damned, genetic aging test what's it called...."

"GeFa," Lou intervened,  
to stop a possble lengthy and boring speech. "Hello, I'm Louise, but call me Lou."

Amanda threw her a hearty smile. " I've been reading about your work, impressive."

"..that's right, the GeFa, and the database sprang up a pic of William F. Cody. And I ....."

""Thanks," Lou said, smiling at the woman in front of her, shaking her hand. She liked her already.

"...must say I like bearing his name. He was a true pioneer. In fact reading about him made me...."

"You know we have a James B. Hickok too," Lou giggled with a glance over at Jimmy. He just arched his eyebrows slightly at her remark, he was obviously used to it.

"I know, kind of amazing really," Amanda said and extended her hand to Jimmy. "Nice to meet you Mister Hickok."

"...decide to join HuRec. Always wanted to live in the wild, heck when I was young I read all...."

"Jimmy, it's just Jimmy." He took the hand extended to him, not exactly sure about the woman yet. He had thought she'd be different, not this, this outspoken and frank. Her humor didn't match the picture he had made up of her. Letting go off her hand, he watched her intently and Amanda let him, she just glared right back. Confidence was the word that struck Jimmy.

"...the stories about the old west as they called it. Anybody listenin' to me?" Cody asked, annoyed at their complete disinterest.

"No," Buck and Ike said simultaneously

Amanda laughed and turned to them. "Let me see, you must be Ike McSwain, and you don't talk very much."

Ike looked baffled.

"I know Emily," Amanda clarified, smiling knowingly at the young man. "We worked together on a project a year ago. Heard all about you."

Ike blushed fiercely and Buck laughed. "Oh man, I wonder what she said?" Turning to Kid he shook his head, "See what I mean, never tell women anything, they're bound to use it against ya!"

"Hey!" Ike glared at Buck. Lou crossed her arms over her chest and did the same.

"Buck Cross?" Amanda interrupted them, her eyes darting between them all, amusement twitching her lips.

"Enchanted," Buck said, "me and Ike just..."

"I know," Amanda said, "friends for a very long time, I hear."

"Emily?" Buck asked with a soft smile, revealing the affection for the woman that had his friend tied around her little finger.

"No, the grapevine," Amanda chuckled.

"Just wait till I call Emily tonight," Ike grumbled in Buck's direction. "I'll tell her about how ya..."

"...have you practically owning me your firstborn? Yep, she'll be delighted."

"Oh shut up," Ike moaned.

"See?" Buck laughed in Amanda's direction. "you've gotten more words outta him than most folks do in weeks."

Kid walked up to Amanda, smilingly shaking his head at Ike's and Buck's squabbling. "Nice to have you here Amanda."

Lou found herself stepping up closer to the Kid, wanting to kick herself as she did.

Amanda glanced briefly at her, before turning to Kid; "John McCloud?"

"Kid." Lou answered in his place, baffled over the possessive tone in her own voice. "I mean, we all call him Kid."

"You related?" Amanda asked, flicking her index finger between the two of them.

"No," Kid shook his head, a small guilty-looking smile on his lips as he glanced at Lou, standing close by his side. Lou looked up at him briefly and diverted her eyes hastily when she noticed him looking.

"Not yet," Amanda chuckled, suddenly understanding the reason for their behavior. She laughed even harder when both of them blushed. "So where's the old geezer? And the rest of the gang?"

"Mr. Hunter? You know him?" Jimmy asked. "They're back at the station, had work to do."

"Teaspoon, you mean. Oh yeah, we're practically related."

"That explains a lot," Cody grinned. "You've got his way of talking."

"Watch it Cody," Amanda warned with an amused smirk, "that's not all I've learned from him." Watching them all cast her a grin. "But it's high time you meat your collaborators and their warden. This is gonna be a fine couple of weeks before we get this town readied." She looked at Jimmy standing at her side. "I've told Barnett to bring them out."

"Barnett?" Jimmy asked.

"The warden."

In silence they watched thirteen men step out of the ASA and line up. All but one equipped with M-EA's. Some of them glaring hatefully at them, others refusing to raise their eyes and meet with theirs. Instead they were Looking down on their heavily soled working shoes. Their coverall's shiny and new.

"I guess it's gonna be you and me on this one Jimmy," Amanda sighed. "Hope you're well trained in baby-sitting scum."

Jimmy looked over at the Kid, meeting briefly with his gaze. Kid too was calmed by the confidence Amanda displayed together with an air of determination and sharp wit. But Kid did step up closer to Lou, getting an irritated glance as thanks. Jimmy turned away to not let them see the smile he felt threatening before he turned his attention back to the woman at his side. "It'll be a pleasure, Amanda."

"Yeah right," Amanda groaned.

Jimmy's smile grew even wider as he realized he really was looking forward to working with her.


	13. Chapter 13

"They're staying far too calm, Kid!" Jimmy eyed the convicts suspiciously, all of them behaving exemplary for a fortnight. All the works done, not one single escape tentative, not one single fist fight, not even a foul thought registered. "This ain't normal."

Kid chuckled at his side. "That Longley fellow surely keeps giving you the eye, Jimmy. Ever since you pushed him into the ditch he's been eyeing you. I don't know what to say about the glances he's been..."

"Oh, shut up, Kid! It wasn't intentional, he was in my way, that's all. Why don't you go find Lou instead?"

Kid threw an amused smile over Jimmy's shoulder. "Needin' privacy here, Jimmy? It's about time too, tomorrow at about this time the place will be swamped with colonizers."

Jimmy turned on his heels, looking in the direction Kid's eyes were pointing. Amanda came walking to them, looking down on her noppo-screen. Jimmy smiled involuntary, but caught himself to instead turn around and snap at Kid. But the man was already leaving, walking to the newly built town hall.

"Hey Kid!" Amanda hollered. "Wait up a minute, there's a slight problem!" Reaching Jimmy's side, Amanda smiled at him. "Can't believe I almost missed this!"

"What?" Jimmy leaned in to catch a glimpse of what was shown on the minute screen, and to catch a sniff of Amanda's hair too, to be truthful. Each day that passes with them working together had Jimmy's mind wandering in non-work related directions. In fact, right now he wanted to slide his hands around her waist and kiss her. So much for conduct worthy of a HuRec pioneer, Jimmy mused. Seemed like the out-door life got them all horny.

"Lot 45SE has never been checked for vegetation potential, and it's marked as farming area. By whom I have no idea, seems strange to me. The satellite's can't pick it up either, seems like something is blocking the view. We need you to ride up there and make a visual survey."

"Where?" Kid asked as he too leaned in over the noppo. Pushing Jimmy closer to Amanda. Jimmy threw him a murdering glance, he surely needed no help from a monk!

"Sorry, Jimmy," Kid mumbled, not quite managing to hide the amusement.

"Lot 45SE, a day's ride southeast. The part where the landslides has made most devastation. This just doesn't seem to be right. We gotta go there and check it out. We need Lou and Buck too, Kid. Can you go get them? We need to ride out immediately, need to report back by tomorrow, when the settlers arrive, wouldn't want anyone of them picking the area if it isn't fit to live in."

"Tomkins just arrived by the way," Kid remarked as he walked away.

"Who?"

"The provider," Amanda told Jimmy. "He's bringing all the equipment for the settlers. ASAs will be starting to fly in very soon."

 

 

"You sure Barnett's gonna be able to handle it back there?" Jimmy asked the woman, riding besides him, for the fifth time.

Amanda grunted irritably in reply, casting him a tired glance. But Jimmy still felt like something was about to happen. He couldn't exactly explain why but ever since they left Sweetwater, he had the urge to keep watching their backs. He watched Buck driving the wagon with the equipment, he seemed calm and relaxed. Calm to an extent that irritated Jimmy. He let his eyes wander over to Kid and Lou riding close, Kid chuckling at something Lou had said, looking at the young woman. Jimmy shook his head, even if the sky came crumbling down, Kid would probably not notice since Lou was around.

"What's wrong, Jimmy?" Amanda asked at his side.

"I don't know," Jimmy admitted. "Can't exactly tell you something is wrong, it's just that the whole thing seems surreal."

"They're all being thought-controlled, Jimmy. The slightest intention and Barnett will be warned."

"I know Amanda, I know. But you gotta admit that the monitoring seems suspect too. Hell, they've showed no significant will to escape! Those people are hardened criminals, and all of a sudden there's nothing? They're all like sheep? Something ain't right, Amanda, I just know it."

"Might be you're just being Jimmy." Amanda let out a chuckle. "You've been waiting for something to happen all this time, maybe you're just disappointed they didn't prove you right?"

Jimmy made a face in her direction.

Amanda laughed and shook her head. "I know Jimmy, seems strange to me too, I gotta admit. But HuRec says they're trying out some new mind-altering medication on them all. That might explain a lot."

"Maybe," Jimmy admitted, "and maybe not."

"C'mon Jimmy, let's forget about Sweetwater for a while. You've just been around them too much. Tonight we'll be at the spot and tomorrow we'll be trough with the investigation. If you're a nice boy, I'll take you to a swimming hole I've located."

"Could we leave them two there already," Jimmy grinned and flicked his head in Kid's and Lou's direction. "I don't think they'll be much use to us."

"Jealous are we?" Amanda leered at him.

"Hell no," Jimmy protested. "I just wish they'd get it out of their systems so they'd return normal again."

"You're such a romantic, Jimmy." Amanda sighed and kicked her horse into a trot.

Jimmy followed with the distinct feeling he had said something wrong. He followed the pace set by the woman in front of him, But then he suddenly realized, he knew next to nothing about this woman. He had worked alongside of her for a fortnight, yes. He felt undeniably attracted to her, that much was sure. She must have felt it too - ever so often she returned his smiles and flirtations, making him feel a long lost tingle of excitement when around her. But still? She knew Teaspoon, must have learned a thing or two from him. She should be all right, he calmed himself. Why the hell did he have this ghostly feeling? Why did he feel like doom was written all over this day?

 

Following a small stream, they continued onwards to their goal. Before the rise of the steep hill, they stopped and raised a provvisory fencing for the horses. They all worked in silence, decided to get as close to the ground as soon as possible before settling in for the night. The bright sunny day had turned into a clouded damp forecast of bad weather. There was a brief discussion between Kid and Jimmy about who should carry the extra load of the tent.

Amanda cast an amused glance in Lou's direction, knowing the men were both eager to show off their immense masculinity and strength. Amanda still wondered why the Kid and Lou weren't an official couple, despite the lusting gazes they both threw each other when they thought nobody noticed. It was kind of hilarious really, the way they pained for each other. Jimmy was absolutely right, Amanda thought bemused, they should get it out of their systems. Watching Jimmy, she realized there might be something she needed to get out of her system too. She had to grin at her own rampant thoughts. Maybe Jimy was right? The outdoorsy life made everybody horny.

Jimmy seemingly won the title of tent-bearer, with a superior grin in Kid's direction, he ordered him to take the medical bag instead, just in case.

"In case you accidentally shoot somebody?" Kid asked sarcastically.

Amanda chuckled and Lou walked up to the two fighting roosters, dividing them and steering them up the steep hill.

"Map don't show this hill over here," Buck pointed out, the only non distracted member of the team.

"I know," Amanda replied, "there's something strange with this place. We can't get it scanned however we try, and the maps are all different. Like they keep changing."

"My EA's out too," Buck continued. "How about yours? Is mine malfunctioning or...?"

"Shit!" Amanda cursed vehemently, tapping the device she had removed from her ear. "Nothing! What's the probability of two EA's giving out simultaneously?"

"None!" Jimmy replied, pushing Lou up as she seemed to falter.

Lou wheezed at him, fidgeting with her communications device. "Okay, something definitely not right here, mine's silent too! How about yours, Kid?"

Kid looked guiltily at the group. "Uh er...I ain't got none on."

"As usual," Jimmy groaned. "I told you I had a bad feeling about this trip. All communications devices are out!"

"When did you notice, Buck?" Amanda asked.

"An hour or so back," Buck said, taking hold of a root sticking out of the sand to heave himself further up. "Me and Ike were in the middle of a game, then I just lost him. Since he was losing I gathered he'd shut me out or something." Buck grinned.

The gravel under their feet kept giving away the closer they got to the ridge. Cursing they fought to get to the top, sliding backwards as often as they managed to advance.

"Sure as hell ain't no farming ground," Amanda moaned when she had to grip Jimmy not to slide all the way down as the ground under her gave in.

"I wouldn't know," Buck said, having arrived at the rocky part of the slope. Standing on a firmer ledge he watched the shielded plateau. "Somebody's already claimed this land."

"What the hell are ya talking about?" Amanda panted and decisively pushed herself up on the ledge.

"Look!"

Amanda finally reached her goal and followed Buck's gaze with her own.

 

 

There was a tense silence in the group as they all watched what lay in front of them. Down below the slope was a hut, a ramshackle really. But the distinct signs of present hi-tech told them it was recent. The solar-cells on the roof and the antenna told them it was a Checkpoint Charlie; an unmanned surveillance station.

They stood there staring, for long lingering minutes, not knowing what to make out of what they were seeing. Pondering on the possible ramifications of what they had encountered.

Jimmy eyed Amanda suspiciously. She had gone pale, her jawline tight at the sight. Jimmy was able to feel her tension even if he was standing three feet from her. "Amanda?" He asked her quietly, not quite sure what to make out of the situation. "Did you know...."

"Shit shit shit," Amanda wheezed as she snapped out of her daze. She threw her backpack down and started walking briskly toward the cabin.

Jimmy heard her curse all the way when he too let his backpack fall to the ground and followed her.

"Hold on," Buck warned, "what if somebody is in there?"

"We would'a been dead already," Lou muttered and dragged a reluctant Buck with her. "Com'on Buck!"

Half running they reached the door Amanda had left open behind her. She stood there in the middle of the room, surrounded by inuters and computers, both biological and digital and old analogical ones. When she heard them approach, she turned to them, her face white and drawn.

"We've been duped!"

Jimmy let his eyes wander around the equipment in the room. The inuters generating the prisoners' thoughts, a perfect camouflage. Computers flashing dates of different kinds, obviously gathering them for later use. Jimmy had a hard time digesting all the information; why the hell was a group of criminals this important? Why would HuRec set up such a massive smokescreen? What exactly were they doing? And why? Did Amanda know about this?

"Who?" Kid asked, nudging Amanda's elbow. "Who's behind all this?"

"I don't know," Amanda wheezed, "how the hell am I supposed to know?" She suddenly exploded, turning to glare at them. "How the hell am I supposed to know? Maybe you're all in on this? All I know is that they know we're here!"

Jimmy growled as he stepped up to her. "It might be all your work too, dear, how the hell can we be sure it ain't?"

"Jimmy," Lou warned and Amanda turned to stare him down. "Hold it both of you, instead of turning on each other, how about finding out where all this information is being sent?"

"How about flicking this all off," Buck muttered, staring onto a screen with ASA departures and landings. Suddenly he stiffened to his place. A constant blinking at the bottom of the screen had failed to catch his attention until now. Now that it did, he felt a cold shiver trickle down his spine.

"Hey guys!"

They all turned to watch him. He let his gaze rest on the flicking date and hour, knowing they wouldn't believe him if he told them. Better they saw it for themselves. At the bottom the date and hour of **2313-06-26 1800** , flashed repeatedly.

"Today?" Jimmy asked, "what the hell will happen today?"

"Happened today," Kid corrected him. "What happened half an hour ago?"

Buck caught the glimpse of an ASA in the corner of his eyes. Turning his head to look out the window, he knew they were in for trouble. A vessel was approaching, hovering over the landscape to find a suitable landing space. "I think we'll know in approximately five minutes," he remarked dryly.

"Let's get outta here," Jimmy wheezed. "Let's get the hell outta here till we know what this is all about!"   
Turning to Amanda he found her desperately trying to disconnect the wires that lay haphazardly around her feet while holding a black box in her hand.   
"C'mon!" Jimmy yelled and dragged her out.

They ran flat out to the trees at the opposite end of the ridge, hoping to at least get some shelter. Hoping against hope the visit was a friendly one.

Panting, Jimmy sank to his knees behind some rocks, pulling Amanda with him. She fingered the box she was holding nervously, cursing as it wouldn't open.

Kid crouched behind the rock, peeking over it, holding his anaesthetizing gun firmly. Jimmy realized it was the only weapon they had, other than his own gun.

"We're doomed," he moaned, realizing their situation.

"Not quite," Amanda remarked. "I found the fricken control panel!"

Jimmy turned surprised to watch her. Smiling she lifted the box to let him see. Watching it, he realized it held all the connections and the secrets of the apparatus inside. "Good girl," he smiled. Hoping there was a slim chance of getting out of this alive.

"I've just blocked their ATF's, now I just gotta find the codes to send them to Kingdom come if need be," she muttered harshly.

Kid looked at her and shuddered. Lou patted his knee comfortingly.

Jimmy threw his friend a disgusted look, hoping Kid and his goddamned black and white world wouldn't get them into further trouble. If he knew Kid right, he'd probably do his utmost to save the poor souls. Jimmy grimaced with disgust, his hand ready on the gun as the ASA landed.

The door flung open and Longley stepped out. Jimmy raised his hand and took aim.

"NO!" Kid wheezed, "Damn you, we're probably outnumbered!"

"Hold on, Jimmy," Amanda whispered. "Kid's right, we gotta wait and see what happening first."

Jimmy gritted his teeth and relaxed his fingers, they were probably right. If all convicts were in that vessel, they were outnumbered by 12 to 5. And five had never been his lucky number.

The man ran into the house and Jimmy crawled out of his hiding, hoping to get a batter angle if something happened. Amanda followed him.

"Are they armed?" Jimmy asked.

"How the hell would I know?" Amanda growled irritably.

Jimmy threw her a stern glance in reply, it hadn't been his intention to imply anything.

Longley came out of the house, running fast this time. Heading straight for the ASA.

Instinctively Jimmy rose to his feet and took aim. He dropped the man five feet in front of the open front-panel. Then he was knocked onto his face into the dirt.

"Goddamned idiot!" Kid hollered. "You just let them know we're here!"

Jimmy struggled to get the man off him, pushing hard against his chest, finally managing to send a fist contacting with Kid's jaw. Hard enough to loosen Kid's grip on him.

The ASA sucked in air and started to rise. Amanda swore and fingered the control panel feverishly.

"Drop them!" Jimmy yelled, "don't let them take off!"

"No!" Kid yelled, " damn you. There might be innocent people in there!"

Jimmy turned to him and lunged for him. "You boneheaded fool!"

Lou was up on her feet, trying to get to the men. They we're nearing the ridge, and the steep fall. "Jimmy! Kid! Stop it!"

Her holler was drenched in the sound of the ASA lifting off. Lou stopped cold, afraid it would turn on them, she had no idea what kind of vehicle it was. Was it a warfare or a civil one? Holding her breath, she watched it rise straight into the clouds, disappearing.

"I'm tracking it, I'm tracking it," Amanda yelled. "I have it!"

Lou turned her eyes back to the ground and saw Jimmy lunging for Kid again. The steep fall only a step away.

"Damn you!" She hollered and started running. Rounding a tree close to the brink, she felt the ground give in under her feet. She fell. Sliding mud dragging her down, stones scratching her arms as she tried to find something to hold on to. But she was relentlessly dragged down the steep fall. The visual memory of the 70 feet fall into the stoney creek had her clasp frenetically for something to hold on to. Her nails dug into the earth as the gravel under her gave in. Not a sound left her mouth. Something snapped against her side and she instinctively grabbed for it and closed her eyes. She finally let out a breath when she felt her sliding stop. Opening her eyes, she found herself hanging onto a young birch, the roots slowly giving away.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by "I want you" at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hryMypQ5RpQ

She was rapidly losing strength in her arms, they were getting numb from her desperate hold. Her feet frenetically searched for support, but the dirt under her kept giving in. The dust clouded and burned in her eyes as gravel fell down on her. She felt the need to cough but was afraid that any movement from her side would make the branches snap and she'd be falling onto the edgy stones underneath. _I'll die anyhow_ , her thoughts whirled in her head as the gravel kept raining down on her. _Shit! There's nothing anybody can do, I'll just let go and it'll be over in a couple of seconds. I'll just let go and close my eyes, maybe there's something further down that'll stop me?_

She had to close her eyes; the stirred up dust was blinding her. She wanted to scream for it to stop but her throat was too dry. The sound of something sliding downwards had her wondering what was going to hit her, she knew the moment it did, she'd be falling down and to her death.

"Come on, Lou, I want you to stay perfectly still, I'll get you! Just don't move!"

Kid's voice reached her from the side. He seemed close. She opened her mouth to warn him, not quite understanding where he was and what he was doing there. But her arms were starting to ache. Her clenched knuckles were losing the grip.

She wasn't sure how it happened, but she felt his grip around her waist, and he begged her to let go. Lou let out a sound in protest; the hell she would let go. The arm around her waist felt alluringly secure though and her arms were killing her. She wasn't even sure she'd be able to let go. Then he told her again to let go, his voice curt, like a military order, giving her no alternative. She opened her fingers and suddenly she slid downwards and to the side. Her initial instinct was to scream out in fear but then her feet landed on a narrow ledge and she grabbed onto the Kid. Leaning slightly backwards, he held her to his chest and her knees failed her. Kid inched himself to the side, holding her slack body tightly pressed to his. Lou was afraid to even breathe.

"He's got her!"

She heard Buck holler from above. Her breath coming in tiny gasps, she clung to the Kid while he was holding one arm around her waist, steadying her. Her fingers found his coat and latched on desperately.

"Somebody get some ropes or something!"

More gravel rained over them and Kid groaned.

"The wires!" Amanda yelled. "I'll get the wires from the house!"

Lou finally regained some strength in her legs, her arms aching violently. Trying to move them to ease the pain, she felt Kid wobble.

"Who-o Lou, we ain't got much space here. Ain't exactly a dancing floor," he warned her. "Just stay as still as possible."

"My arms," Lou panted, "t-they h-hurt!"

"I know sweetie, just lower them carefully and let the blood back into them. Not much else we can do about it right now."

Lou closed her eyes, Kid's voice seemed to get more strained by the minute, he was probably holding onto something too. Maybe rapidly losing his strength. His body tense like a string next to her. Then her heart almost stopped as his other arm came around her waist too.

"Better?"

"How?" was all she got out.

"You can put your feet on the ledge now Lou, we got two or three inches to stand on. We can practically dance."

Lou started trembling when she felt the rock under her feet. Kid took a steadier grip on her and mumbled to her, trying to keep her steady and unmoving.

"It'll be all right Lou," Kid soothed her, "they'll get..."

A loud bang cut him short. Another heavy rain of loose stones hit them. Kid covered her head with his hand, tucking in safely under his chin. She felt him twitch every time rocks hit him. Loose stones ricocheted on her coat, stirring up dust till she was blinded. Coughing into his coat, she buried her face in it to stifle her tremors. She knew Kid had taken some pretty hard hits.

"Fuck!" He cursed as the rumble subsided and the dust settled. "What the hell is happening?" He hollered, sending more loose stones raining over them.

Above them there was nothing but silence.

"Let go off me Kid," Lou sobbed, feeling him starting to tremble too, from the strain she was putting on him. "Let go and save yourself Kid, if you don't have to hold on to me, you can save yourself!"

"Shh Lou, don't talk, save your strength."

"Kid, please."

"Don't talk Lou, we'll get outta this, somehow."

"What ya come get me for? Dammit Kid, we're both..."

"Lou? Kid?"

"What's happenin' Buck?" Kid tightened his hold on her as he turned his face up to the sandy edge above them.

"The house exploded." Buck informed them.

"Oh God," Lou closed her eyes tightly, seeing Amanda and Jimmy in small bloody pieces spread all over the hill. She felt like being sick.

"It's all right, they made it. Amanda got the wind knocked out of her and Jimmy was hit by a plank, but they'll be just fine and I got the wire."

"Strong enough?" Kid's voice sounded hoarse as he almost whispered the question.

"For Lou, yeah, for you? I don't know."

"Let it down," Kid said tonelessly.

"They still hanging on?" Jimmy's strained voice reached them. Lou felt a flood of relief wash over her. Jimmy was all right. Together they'd get Kid up somehow, because if they didn't - she didn't want to be saved either.

Holding on to Kid, she felt him tie the wire around her. Sliding it between her legs and around her waist. Tying a steady knot around her. The work took its sweet time because of their limited space of the shelf. Lou tired to lean in on Kid and keep him steady when his hands wired her up. The tension and the fear had their breathing labored.

"It might hurt a little Lou, but you just hold on. It'll get you up all right."

"And you?" she sobbed. "Kid, what about you?"

"I've climbed worse mountains," he assured her. "But you'll owe me dinner." Hugging her for a moment, he then let her go. "Okay Lou, up you go."

Lou carefully looked up at his face. He tenderly stroke her dirty cheek and smiled warmly at her. Turning his head up, he eased her upwards. "Guys, be careful! Take it nice and slow."

Lou felt Kid lift her and she was steadily drawn up the hillside, cursing when she felt rocks rain down on Kid all over again. She held her breath while she hit various parts of her body hard against protruding rocks. The hillside was so steep, there was no way in hell she would have made it on her own, it was a long time since she'd done any rock climbing willingly. "Was I stupid or what?" she muttered to herself, her teeth clattering. She couldn't resist looking down and the sight had her blood freeze. They were about fifteen feet down, five feet further down the hillside got lost out of sight and only the swirling water around the rocks was visible, about fifty feet down. The water black as it swirled around the edgy rocks. Lou shuddered. "Doing this willingly and enjoying it? I must have been insane."

Strong hands gripped her coat and she was dragged over the ridge. Rolling to her back, she looked up into Jimmy's eyes.

"Get the Kid," she begged him.

 

 

"How's the lactic acid situation down there?" Buck asked. "Can you make it? The wire can't take all your weight thou' - you can only rely on it in a crisis!"

Lou whimpered and tried to get closer to the brink. Amanda threw her arms around her. "He'll make it, he'll make it," she mumbled.

Lou couldn't make out what Kid said, she only captured strained mumbles.

Buck turned and smiled reassuringly to her. "Don't worry Lou, he'll make it just fine, he's made five feet already. Looking good."

Jimmy leaned over the ridge. "okay Kid, you and I have a discussion we never quite finished. Don't tell me you've chickened out? Not that stone idiot! That one's loose! Yeah, that's better. Getting weak now are ya? Hell Kid, I'd be able to climb this one in my sleep. Get yourself up here, you damned fool. I'll sweep the floor with ya if ya don't!"

"Jimmy!" Lou wheezed, "what the hell ar'ya doin'?"

Jimmy turned to look at her. She was taken aback by the evident concern in his eyes.

"I'm just getting him mad as hell, Lou. He'll do anything if he gets mad enough. Don't worry, Lou, I know him, I know how he works!"

"How he works?" Lou wheezed. "He ain't no bloody machinery Jimmy, he's Kid and he's in some serious trouble!"

Buck shook his head in her direction, warning her not to meddle. "He's doing fine Lou, seems like Jimmy really knows what he's doing."

"Kid, you fallin' asleep on me now? I knew you wouldn't make it, what the hell you go after her for? Ya should'a let me do it, at least I know what I'm doin' and you obviously don't!" Jimmy beckoned for Buck to get closer, inching as far out on the edge as possible. Then he stayed silent and Lou heard gravel falling down the hillside and a distinct but muffled, breathless curse followed.

"Oh yeah Kid, now's the time to let go! That's right, you're five feet away and now you wanna let go? Oh yeah, I forgot how clever y'are! Don't get tangled into the wire you moron!" Jimmy inched even further out on the edge, causing Buck to wheeze a warning at him.

Lou saw both men reach down and moments later they hauled a breathless Kid up. Lou freed herself from Amanda's hold as the men dragged Kid further up, to safety.

"You asshole!" Kid hissed between gasps for air at Jimmy, hauling him further up. Luckily he was too tired to do anything but wheeze. Jimmy looked down on him.

"Thickhead!" Jimmy's breath was getting labored of the force he put in dragging Kid further into safety.

Kid weakly grabbed Jimmy's arm and jerked him down to his knees; "Jerk!"

Jimmy boxed the hand away from his sleeve. "Idiot!"

Lou crawled toward them, truly fearing they would get into another fight. But Amanda reached them first, taking a hold of Jimmy, she forced him to sit down at Kid's side. Kid struggled to get up into a sitting position.

"Okay you guys, you can declare your love for each other later," she looked disgusted at them both, panting and shivering they still tried to outdo each other. "Men," she spoke with disgust in Lou's direction.

Lou scooted closer to the Kid. "You okay?" Placing a hand on his trembling knee. "Everybody all right?"

"We need the MediPac," Buck remarked, "Amanda got hit on the shoulder pretty hard. And Jimmy's got a nasty cut on the neck." Looking over to Lou, he titled his head and and smiled faintly. Visibly shaken but relieved. "I'm guessing you have your cuts and bruises too?"

"And where did you get that wound?" Lou asked, pointing at Buck bleeding hand. "Man, we're really a lucky bunch, ain't we? Everywhere we go disaster follows."

Kid and Jimmy threw each other a glance.

"So where's that bag?" Lou asked.

Kid let his head fall down on his knees and mumbled.

"Huh?" Lou leaned in to catch his words.

"Down below," Kid moaned, "by the horses."

Jimmy looked at him and seemed to not believe his ears. "You left it down below?"

Kid merely nodded.

"You idiot," Jimmy moaned and sank to the ground. Coughing lightly. Then he started to chuckle. "We're half pounded to death and the MediPac is down below? I just can't believe this. Ya mean we gotta go all that way back to get it? Geez - and all we got to patch us up is a half-dead vet?"

"Jimmy," Amanda warned, grimacing slightly as she rolled her sore shoulder. "Just shut up will ya?" Casting a glance at Lou patting Kid's knee comfortingly.

Lou got worried at Kid's increasing tremor, leaning in to catch his eyes, she was stunned realizing he was laughing too. Looking back at Amanda, she shrugged her shoulders, making a face of utter bewilderment. "Men!"

"All nuts," Amanda groaned and slumped down onto the ground.

 

 

"Oh brother," Jimmy moaned when Amanda pulled him to his feet. Amanda hurried to throw her arm around his waist and steady him. Jimmy smiled and winked at her.

Buck extended a hand to Lou and she rose to her own feet. Gratefully she noticed they were still holding her up. Kid groaned and got to his feet too.

They started walking, the other, less steep side seemed miles away. Jimmy laid his arm around Amanda's waist. Amanda leaned up to him affectionately as they walked, rather wobbly. Lou hung on to Buck's hand, her arms aching fervently she stumbled on forward, cringing at the sight of the house. The roof lifted off and all the windows blown out.

"What happened?" she asked as they walked by the remains.

"They must have blown it away themselves, me and Jimmy were just on our way back to you when it happened. I'm guessing they had a bomb prepared inside, just for cases like this." Amanda replied wearily. "There's no way to trace them now, they're gone."

"Lost the tracks?" Buck asked

"Destroyed the box when I fell on my face after the blow," Amanda muttered. "We have nothing guys."

"Except we're still alive," Kid said from behind them. "But where the hell is Longley? I thought you shot him dead?"

"When you two decided to take a roll in the dirt, the men hauled him inside, he's gone too. Where'd ya hit him, Jimmy?" Amanda turned to the man walking at her side.

"Don't know," Jimmy mumbled. "Aimed for the shoulder but he was running fast."

Stopping at the slope, Lou looked down. "Well, I wouldn't worry about Longley now, I'd worry about how to get down."

"Why don't we just launch ourselves in our usual style?" Jimmy retorted dryly.

 

 

It was dark when they reached their base. Lou stumbled to the creek and sank down to her knees, washing her face in the cool water. Somebody lit a lantern and bags were unloaded from the buckboard. She felt too tired to even think. Struggling to get out of her coat, she winced at the sight of her arms, they were turning bluish, sand and dirt covering the abrasions. In the pale light, she looked down on the bruises and cuts with disgust. Her arms feeling so slack and powerless that she had no idea how she'd get all the dirt washed away.

Holding her head in her hands, she heard Kid tell Buck to go clean his hands and check for other injuries. There was a buzz of commotion and opening of bags and strapping of parcels. The smell of iodine lingered in the air. Jimmy asking Kid if he really knew what he was doing, Kid muttering in reply. Then Buck muttered something and Jimmy laughed. More muttering from Kid and Jimmy protested harshly. Lou cringed at the characteristic sound of latex gloves stretching, knowing there was some serious interventions going on. Buck joined in the mumbling conversation and more strapping was heard. Then a vehement curse from Jimmy. Amanda laughed. A slap on somebody's back and good-natured muttering from Buck. Jimmy sternly told Kid he'd take care of Amanda. Buck said he'd start a fire.

Then steps came her way.

"Lou, let me help you." Kid sank down at her side, the MediPac ready.

"I'm fine," Lou said through clattering teeth. She felt cold right through to the bones.

A blanket was draped over her shoulders. Kid positioned himself behind her, having her lean up against his chest. Lou closed her eyes, calmed by his proximity. Kid soaked some cloth in the stream and started cleaning her arms. Lou felt the weariness bring tears to her eyes.

"I'll just wash you and put some medication on, Lou. I promise not to hurt you."

"I know you won't," Lou mumbled. The stench of sterilizing liquid lingered in the air. The relief was instant when Kid put a patch behind her ear, the ache in her muscles and the burning sensation in her arms disappearing fast. Her tremors subsided slowly when Kid gently rubbed a thick lotion over her arms and under her chin. The cold ointment had her flinch.

"You were lucky, the wounds won't need stitching. I'll put regenerating cream on, it'll make them bruises disappear in no time, Lou. You got some on your cheek too, right there."

The stench had her wrinkle her nose as he stroke her sore cheek with a patch. Then the coolness returned and instantly she felt relief. His fingers stroked her lightly, and she looked right into his eyes. Smiling her gratitude into the blueness that watched her intently. Then he answered her smile warmly, the expression turning from concern to self-conscious shyness before he looked away.

A heart-felt sigh left her, his touch was heavenly, taking away all her pain, lulling her into a content state. She had never been this close this long to the Kid, and she savored every second. It didn't matter why he was touching her, holding her and talking softly to her. She could always fantasize he was holding her because he wanted to hold her. She turned her head to bury her nose in the crook of his neck. "Thank you," she mumbled.

"You can't fall asleep yet, sweetie," Kid whispered. "You need more fluids and some food. Or the medication will knock you off your feet."

 _All I really need is you, can't you see that you fool?_

"I won't," she promised, "I promise I won't." Looking into his amazing blue eyes, she smiled. "I feel so much better now." Looking down on his latex gloved hand on her thigh, she stirred, "Oh God, Kid! Your hands are all bloody!"

"It's okay," Kid mumbled, his body shivering slightly. "Ya know, maybe that hill was a little too much for a rookie like me. Promise me that next time you'll pick an easier one."

Lou looked up to his face and saw a flash of raw need in his eyes before he looked away. Her breath got caught in her throat. Her fingers aching with need to touch him, to feel him under her hands, his skin hot and -.

"Let me help you," she cracked, hoping to conceal her impure thoughts, her craving. Working to get the glove off without hurting him too much, she felt her face flush. _What kind of a woman am I, here he is, aching and hurt and I can't think of anything but having him. Making him all mine? I am going nuts, he's making me go nuts. I really shouldn't be thinking like this. God! He's hurting!  
_  
The glove came off and Kid flinched.

"Oh Kid," Lou sighed at the sight of the raw flesh covered in dirt and blood. The palm of his hand and his fingers still bleeding as the glove came off. She took his wrist and forced his hand into the creek, letting the cool water wash over it. She ached for him when she felt him stiffen and lay his head on her shoulder.

 

 

Kid closed his eyes and welcomed the pain, hoping it would settle his arousal. The awkward position made him rest his head on the tiny shoulder. Images of the two of them rolling around naked on the bank flashed before his eyes. He so wanted to make love to her. Undressing her in his mind, he saw her tiny body, with every rounded curve, perfectly beautiful. Her naked body pressed to his. Her slender thighs wrapped around him, her breast -. Flinching again at the sensation of cloth on his palm, he groaned.

"I'll try not to hurt you," she said as she searched for the ointment he had used on her. "Just stay still. Will this work?" she asked, casting a brief glance over her shoulder.

Kid nodded, unable to respond. Resting his forehead on her shoulder, he tried desperately to force himself to breathe evenly. She talked softly to him, telling him he would be fine. Time stood still and he closed his eyes at the sensation of her fingers exploring his hand. It took all his willpower not to kiss her neck, to explore her slight form with his lips.

Taking his other hand, she removed the glove and the pain made him inhale sharply. The scent of her exploded into him, making him struggle to suffocate the moans threatening to escape him. The images of her kept invading his mind, making his breath quicken and his groin to ache. He wanted to slide his hands across her abdomen, around her perfect hips and kiss her skin until she shivered in his hands. Take her right here on the bank of the stream, make love to her until she'd gasp his name out loud.

 

"This hand's just as bad Kid, I'm sorry, it'll hurt." She cleaned the wounds and smeared the ointment on his shaking hand, holding his wrist, feeling the quick pulse under her thumb. Reveling in his trust in her, his head still resting on her shoulder, his breath raspy. She knew she took longer than need be, but she wanted him to stay just like that, she didn't want to let go. Any excuse to have him this close was good enough for her.

 

In silence he drank her in, her moves, her words and her scent. The touch of her fingers on his bare skin. His need for her having him concentrate on not saying the words that kept repeating in his mind, out loud.

 _I want you._

"You two okay?"

Jimmy's voice recalled him immediately to reality. His arousal subsiding quickly, remembering his promises, he steeled himself. Lifting his head from Lou's shoulder, he looked dizzily at Jimmy and nodded. "I think we'll live."

Jimmy watched him for a while and Kid knew he had spotted his need for Louise. It must be written all over him. Guiltily he peered up at Jimmy. "I know," Kid said, "I know, it's under control. Don't..."

"What's under control?" Lou crawled up on her knees and turned to look at them both.

"I'm making dinner," Jimmy said casually, "just came to check you two are all right."

"I don't know Jimmy, Kid had all this rocks hit him and his hands..."

"I'm fine," Kid said and rose, pulling in a deep breath. "Come on Lou, let's get something to eat." Extending his hand to her, he smiled as she gripped his sleeve instead and eased herself up. He himself had forgotten all about the hands, all he remembered was her. "You okay, Lou?"

Lou nodded and her eyes drifted to Jimmy, his pensive eyes resting on Kid. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Uh, they can't come get us tonight, " he said. "We'll have to wait till tomorrow, Buck just got in touch with base. The prisoners have all escaped, each and every one of them, and Barnett is hurt. The ASA is on call in case he gets worse. We'll have to wait. Maybe we'll have to make our way back tomorrow, on horseback." Jimmy bowed to take the MediPac. "Will you make it?"

"It's okay, Jimmy," Lou smiled at him. "I don't mind." Snuggling in the blanket laid over her shoulder, she nodded reassuringly at him.

Jimmy let his eyes wander between the two of them and smiled, shaking his head he turned back to the fire Buck had built.

"What was that all about?" Lou asked as Kid started walking.

"I keep forgettin'," he replied without looking at her.

"'Bout what?"

"That you need to eat," he turned to smile apologetically at her.

Lou shook her head at his response. There it was again, Kid drifting away, closing himself in, not letting her know. There was something he was hiding, something that she was dying to understand. Something he obviously shared with Jimmy. Something that kept him away from her.

Stopping by the fire she met with Amanda's questioning eyes. Lou smiled at her, nodding her head slightly in a reply to the silent question. Things would be just fine. All that mattered right now was that they were all here, alive and kicking. Everything else would sort itself out.

Maybe.

Seating herself down, she looked at group around the fire. Jimmy smiling when Amanda handed him a cup of steaming soup, sliding closer to her in the process. Putting his leg close to hers. Lou smiled to herself seeing Amanda glance at him. She'd have to ask her how the hell she did it, why was Jimmy responding to her so promptly? How was she doing it? Why was Kid so distant all of a sudden? Why was he so hard to get a grip on? She wasn't asking for a lot, she'd be content with just the physical part of a relationship, if she at least could have that! If he had reasons not to give her everything, then she'd want at least that. She wouldn't be asking for what he couldn't give! Why was he making it so difficult? Was it her after all?

Sighing she concentrated on the food as a comfortable silence fell. The summer breeze rustling the leaves. She gulped the soup down, suddenly wanting to be alone. Be alone and not this achingly distant from Kid, sitting by her side silently. With her, and still not.

"I'll rise the tent," she said as she rose to her feet. "We all need some shuteye."

"I'll help," Buck readily followed. "Is one tent enough? Will we all fit?"

"Sure." Lou nodded, "too damned tired to fight two of them."

Buck chuckled and shook his head. "Here, let me do it."

In two minutes flat, the tent was risen. Lou smiled at Buck, grateful for the help. Kicking her boots off, she sighed and stepped inside. Buck threw her another blanket.

"Sweet dreams, Lou."

"Where's Kid and Jimmy?" She asked not seeing them.

"Went down to the creek to wash the dishes and themselves I think. They'll be back Lou. Don't worry."

"That obvious, huh?" Lou peered at Buck hauling more blankets inside.

"What's obvious?" Amanda asked, pushing herself inside. "God, I'm beat!"

Lou just muttered and moved herself to the side, she'd be sleeping next to the exit, needing to keep the two outside under surveillance. Buck said something that had Amanda laugh. Lou was too tired to meddle and laid her head down on the ground. Buck's and Amanda's voices humming had her eyes close and she fell asleep.

 

 

Kid sat at the bank of the stream, looking into the darkness, a thousand emotions raging inside him. The need for the woman in the tent, the fear for what almost had, and still might, happen to her. The doubt that somehow he had brought it on. It was so wrong to want her the way he did, so wrong. That dread he felt when she slid down the hill, the absolute terror that had him, without thinking, fling himself after her. When she trembled in his hold, death only feet away. And it was all his fault, if he hadn't lunged at Jimmy, Lou wouldn't have moved. She wouldn't have fallen. Another reminder that losing control led to disaster. Led to the death of someone close. If he would have met her years ago, things might have been different, so different. Blindly looking out into the night, he sat there, unmoving.

"Those dishes done yet?"

Kid turned quickly to look at Jimmy approaching. Nodding he rose from the bank and threw the towel over his shoulder. "I'm done."

"Thinking huh?"

"Yup," Kid admitted. "Haven't you been?"

"Yeah."

"Thought so," Kid replied. "They asleep?"

"Think so, I'm still waiting for the fire to die out."

Slowly they made their way back to the camp. Jimmy sank down on the ground by the fire, pensively poking it with a stick. Kid stiffly seated himself on the fallen log. Looking into the fire.

"It happened again, Jimmy."

"I know."

"You and me should stay clear of each other, Jimmy. We're a bad omen."

"Omen? We're as bad as it gets, Kid. I wonder how nobody has noticed except the two of us?"

"Becoz' they don't know Jimmy, that's why."

"And what about Lou, Kid?"

"What ya mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"Then you know it can't be."

"Why?"

"Jimmy, she's with someone."

"You think so?"

"She said so."

"Maybe she broke it off?"

Kid looked at Jimmy over the fire, bewildered over the course the discussion had taken. "Why would she?"

Jimmy smiled.

The tent door was opened and a figure emerged. A figure clad in a blanket. Stumbling toward them, tripping on the blanket, cursing while rubbing her eyes. "Won't ya get some sleep," the figure growled, stopping by Kid's side. "Ya know what time it is?" The voice cranky and muffled.

"Lou, you sleepwalking?" Jimmy chuckled and Kid reached to take the wobbling form into his lap.

"Lou? What are you doing up?" he said as he smilingly pulled her into his lap, positioning her to sit on his knees. Afraid she'd stumble and fall if left walking half-asleep. He had to smile at the face she made as pine needles pinched the soles of her feet. Reaching down he pulled her feet from the ground, resting her to lean into him completely. Wrapping her in his arms. "Walkin' barefoot on pine needles is not a good idea," he scolded her.

"Get some sleep," Lou mumbled with her head resting on Kid's shoulder. Still angry at them for not listening to her. "I'm tired."

"And you mean us sleeping will get you less tired?" Jimmy laughed.

"The hell I know what I mean," Lou mumbled.

Kid laughed and pulled her deeper into his lap, feeling her brow with his hand. Obviously checking if she had a fever. Lou grunted and hid her face in his collar. "Please," she mumbled, her eyes closing.

"Yeah, why wouldn't she?" Jimmy said, the tone of voice emphasizing his wide grin.

"What?" Lou asked into Kid's collar.

"A match made in heaven," Jimmy continued, amused.

"If everything was different," Kid murmured. "If only things were different."

"What the hell ar'ya talkin' about?" Lou lifted her head and watched Jimmy over the fire.

He rose and poured water on the fire that wheezed and died, only the lantern cast faint light on them. Smiling he turned to look at the pair sitting on the log. "You got her?"

"Yeah," Kid said as he rose with Lou clasped in his hold. "I got her."

 _If you only knew to which extent_ , Lou though and slid her arms around his neck. _If you only knew._

He stopped and wobbled slightly while kicking his boots off. The lantern went black and Lou slid out of his hold to pull him inside the tent. Amanda moaned when Jimmy scooted her to the side. Having her grunt in protest at first, then sigh in content at Jimmy's warmth at her side.

"What..." Buck groaned at the sudden commotion in the tent. "Uh," he let out in relief, realizing the disturbance was his rowdy friends.

Lou eagerly pushed Kid further inside the tent, up to the wall. Then she inched closer to him while he was taking his coat off. Grunting he worked to find a comfortable position. Lou smiled and lay her head on his coat, wrapping herself into the blanket. Seeing to it her head rested close to Kid's shoulder.

"You covered?" she asked, letting her hand innocently travel on him, checking that he was really was. Kid nodded in the dark.   
"Sweet dreams," she mumbled and rested her forehead up against his shoulder. Her hand around his upper arm. He tentatively nestled it around her, making her head rest on his chest.

Lou took the opportunity and wrapped her arm around his waist. Holding her breath, afraid he'd move away from her.

"G'night, Lou." His breath in her hair.

 _I want you._


	15. Chapter 15

There was a soft rumble of voices in the midst of an incredible heat. Groaning Lou tried to get the covers off herself but something held them to their place. When she opened her eyes, she found herself in a strange hue, not quite night but not day either. There was something hard poking right into the small of her back. Groaning she tried to move away. Something tickled her cheek when she inched down and she irritably rubbed her hand on the cheek to get rid of the disturbance. What had pinned her to the ground moaned and moved away. Lou sat up and assessed the situation, the lump at her side looked like Kid. Another lump at the opposite wall looked like Jimmy. Slowly it dawned on her where she was. In the dim greenish light, she peered at the heap besides her and he snored once, burying his face deeper into the coat, establishing the fact. She truly found herself out in the wilderness, in a tent with snoring men. Lou had to bite down on her lip not to laugh. Kid's head was stuck into the blue coat he had worn last night. Snoring lightly, he mumbled when Lou shifted to get away from the rock her rump was placed on. The air was thick inside the tent and she felt like she had been dragged a couple of miles behind wild horses. She needed to get out and stretch.

Jimmy was lying on the other side of the tent, blocking the way out, only a wayward foot visible. She had to move very carefully to get around him. She felt an urge to tickle the sole, just to see the reaction. But giving the limited space, she decided to let it be, she had no desire to be trapped in a tent with a startled Jimmy. He'd probably flip it all around and cause havoc. And with Kid still inside, it was bound to result in mayor calamity, and she was not sure they could take any more of that. But it sure tempted her.

Easing herself out as quietly as possible, she was surprised at how bright it was outside. The delicious smell of cafs registering in her brain.

"Mornin', " she said as Amanda handed her the steaming beverage, "what time is it?"

"It's 0700 and all is well on the western frontier." Buck chuckled when Lou frowned at the strength of the brew.

Lou peered at him, he looked incredibly fresh this early in the morning. His hair was wet and hung loose over his shoulders, it was getting long. "How long have you been up?"

"Ever since he started snoring, " Amanda chuckled.

Buck looked dismayed, "I don't snore!"

"Oh yeah you do!" Amanda smiled teasingly at him. "I had to put a stop to it." She turned and threw a side-looped smile in Lou's direction. "Enough to wake the dead there for a while, had to..." A loud snore from inside cut her short.

Lou hiccuped, the cafs spurting over her trousers as she laughed while wiping her nose.

Amanda looked baffled in Buck's direction.

Buck crossed his arms over his chest and leaned onto the tree stem. Arching his left eyebrow, he studied Amanda intently. "Elbowing the wrong man, were we?"

The woman squirmed, "eh, uh....how was I supposed to know, huh? I elbowed in the direction of the sound. And from where I was, I'd consider my elbowing self-defense."

Buck's lips twisted and Lou leaned over and laughed even harder.

"Uh huh Amanda, you elbowed me to get out of making breakfast, admit it!"

"But Buck," Amanda smiled her sweetest smile in his direction. "You know you're the one to turn to in a breakfast crisis. God knows that I've eaten what Kid's put together and it suits horses all right but I'd rather starve. And Jimmy, please! Jimmy's porridge could be used as wallpaper glue."

Lou keeled over, fighting for air.

Buck rose and walked to the buckboard. Returning with a pack of towels he stuffed it in Amanda's lap. "Go get yourselves cleaned up! Restaurant Buck is strict on its cleanliness code. The two of you look like the gutter is your permanent address."

"Pffft," Amanda snorted and jerked the pack out of Buck's hand. "That's no way to talk to a lady."

"Elbowing ain't no way to wake up the man you're asking to make you breakfast," Buck laughed.

Groaning Amanda extended a hand to the giggling Lou and pulled her to her feet. "C'mon Lou, I have a feeling he's not gonna serve us if we don't oblige. You drive a hard bargain, Buck!"

"Yeah, elbowing gets you nowhere with me, " Buck grinned at them. "Get me some dry wood on your way back. I'm gonna need it."

"Wallpaper glue," Lou giggled as she stiffly stumbled after Amanda down to the creek. "You're killing me!"

"Me? No-o," Amanda protested, "but the food most of them men at your site are cooking is surely doing it - slowly but securely."

 

 

Lou still giggled occasionally while she sat on the bank of the creek, awaiting her coverall to dry. The fabric was supposed to dry in ten minutes but it had already been fifteen and it was still damp. "Another HuRec failure," Lou remarked with a grin.

"Huh?" Amanda peered at her, trying to disentangle her long hair.

Lou shook her head and raised her head to let the sun warm her face. "Was just thinking 'bout yesterday, I'm telling you Amanda, my faith in HuRec is next to zero right now. How could it happen? Weren't they supposed to be in control?"

"Being in control is a dangerous notion Lou, it's when you start to relax too much and WHAM! Hell breaks loose, like yesterday." Amanda shrugged. "Why the hell did I trust them? Jimmy kept telling me something was not right. I just trusted that the fools knew what they were doing!"

"Trust is about as dangerous as control," Lou mumbled.

"Dangerously close," Amanda admitted, "but heck, you gotta be able to trust somebody - or something."

"Other than yourself? Never!" Lou smiled bitterly at both her constant suspicions and view of life once more being affirmed, there really was nobody or nothing to rely on in this world.

Amanda remain silent at her side, long enough for Lou to turn her face away from the warmth of the sun and look at her companion. Wondering. She met with Amanda's thoughtful gaze. "What?"

"Funny view of life for one that's volunteering as a settler, that's all, thought you if anyone had to rely on each other."

"I know! That's what's hard. I keep forgetting not to trust, keep losing control too, come to think of it." Suddenly she silenced herself, wondering what she was doing? Peering at Amanda, she wondered if she had revealed too much? What was it about this new situation that had her babbling to everybody about everything?

"Who's been letting you down lately?" Amanda smiled warmly at her. "I'd say they're all there for you, some more than others."

Lou felt herself blush once again, like her weakness for a certain member of the team was written all over her, plain for all to see. It was high time she got her control back. "There's degrees of trust Amanda, you know that. Just like there's degrees of dampness, the coverall's are almost good, let's get back."

"You know what, Lou," Amanda said while getting into the garment. "The way you're talking is alarmingly close to Teaspoon's, better watch out. You know all that about discourses and frames and such."

Lou giggled at the thought of Teaspoon's sermons, Amanda was right, her mind had started to wander in all kinds of directions lately. Dangerous directions. "It's fresh air intoxication Amanda, and I seem to be affected worse than anybody else."

"A broken heart never killed anyone, Lou." Amanda said with a soft smile in her direction. "But it's mighty painful when you're submitted to it. Don't trample all over him."

"Amanda," Lou groaned. "I'm not trampling on anything!" Hastily putting on her clothes, cursing herself for exposing too much once again.

"Uh huh? You sure about that, Lou?"

"Oh yeah," Lou sighed, "'coz God knows I'd be willing."

The last sentence just kind of fell out of her mouth before she had time to stop it.

Amanda chuckled all the way back to their camp.

 

 

"Where are the boys?" Amanda asked seeing Buck alone by the fire, stirring something green in a pot. "And what in God's name is that?"

"That my dear friend, is your punishment for this morning," Buck grinned mockingly. "It's an old Indian recipe for early summer invigorating tea."

"I dare not ask," Lou stated, peering into the brew. "What you put in there? Frogs?"

Buck looked distinctly hurt. "Another word outta you, Lou and you'll be cooking. It's all vegetables, mostly ...never mind, this is what you'll get!"

"Suddenly I'm not hungry at all," Amanda snickered. "Suddenly I long for Jimmy's wallpaper glue. Please go get him!"

"Oh no dear, Teaspoon has some work for the two of you, told me it's mighty important too." Buck flipped more fir needles into the brew, sniffing it briefly before adding resin. Sniffing it again. Lou stood back and frowned with disgust.

"You girls need to get some dirt samples, pronto." Buck continued, "I sent Kid and Jimmy to clean up, they looked like they had shared your dwelling in the gutter. And we need to start heading back in about two hours so you better get goin'! How come neither of you got the EA on?"

"Lost it," Lou admitted. "Forgot to bring a spare one with me, tell 'im I'm sorry. What'we looking for in the dirt?"

"Lost life forms," Buck said, taking a spoonful of the brew and eyeing it skeptically. "Any DNA you can find."

"Phew," Amanda let out, "for a moment I though you were looking for more spices for your tea."

Buck grinned, "if you only knew...."

"What I tell you?" Amanda turned to Lou. "They're all in on it!" She walked around Buck to get to the wagon, watching him, she started humming, "killing me softly with your food, killing me softly with your bre-e-e-w... an ole' goodie from the 20th century Buck, ever heard it?"

"Heard it? I live by it," Buck retorted. "Every chance I get to nail an elbower I...!" he ducked as leaves and pine needles came flying his way. Desperately he tried to salvage the brew from Amanda's well aimed throw. Muttering he skimmed it to get the leaves out of it.

"Thought I'd season it for ya," Amanda laughed as Buck glared at her.

"C'mon," Lou chuckled. "You can play later, we have work to be done! Buck please, can't you get me some regular food, I'm beggin' ya!"

"So picky." Buck muttered, "women nowadays, never pleased."

He sighed as he poured his tea-trial to the ground, chuckling to himself at the smell of it. He had gone wrong somewhere along the line. Or maybe Ike was having a good laugh right now? Flicking his EA on to thought-beared mode, he called on the friend he imagined sitting on the Sweetwater verandah, laughing his brains out. And of course all he heard was a heartfelt chuckle. Buck smiled ruefully. Ike had sure gotten him once again.

 

 

Lou headed for the creek, that was where it was most likely to find something new, or something old and lost. In the soft moraine under the pines, there might be particles of hidden treasures. The MrDaD ready, she almost missed the old days back at the lab, searching for and identifying lost DNA. The thrill of finding variations on an old pattern and finding out what it was part of and if it was recoupable was one of the things she enjoyed most in her life. It was like reading an old story and suddenly finding a sentence you've never seen before, opening up new depths. She heard Amanda muttering behind her, clearly not as excited as she herself was.

Lou gave Amanda a stick to dig with.

Obediently she filled containers with dirt, digging deeper and deeper to get what Lou wanted. Wrinkling her nose as ants climbed up the stick she was digging with. Cringing as she came upon a fat, thriving earthworm. "Ew, gimme hardened criminals any time," she exclaimed and let go off the stick. "How on earth can you stand all this ...this life?"

Lou laughed and shook her head, figure Amanda to be scared of bugs! Lou found a very beautiful bacteria and magnified it.   
"Look!" Showing Amanda the picture she smiled at her amazement, the picture glittering with a thousand shades of lilac as the tiny organism moved.

"It's beautiful!" Amanda nodded. "What is it?"

"Something you find around ants' toilets," Lou giggled.

Amanda rose to her feet and shook her hands as if she would get rid of the horrific sight that way. "E-e-ew, " she repeated, "that's gross, Lou!"

Lou laughed and copied the DNA into the dB, she'd have a lot of comparing to do when she got back home. "See, beauty lies in the eye of the beholder."

"I'd say," Amanda let out with a low whistle.

"What?" Lou turned her head to see where the changed mood had come from, Amanda's voice was full of wonder. "You see somethin'?"

Amanda's gaze was directed over the dune, and Lou couldn't tell what she was looking at.

"Oh yeah, " Amanda let out with a broad grin. "I sure do."

Lou scrambled to her feet, eager to see what had Amanda transfixed. She was awaiting to see a deer or some beautiful wildlife. What she saw had her reach out and pull Amanda backwards. "Amanda, it's not right!"

"What?"

"They don't know you're lookin'!"

"That's the beauty!" Amanda chuckled, "get them pants off, boys and let us have a peek."

Lou's cheeks turned warm, shaking her head at Amanda's shameless ogling, she tried to get her away from there. She had only caught a glimpse herself and she knew she'd be ogling too if she let her eyes wander in that direction. God knew she had seen that muscular chest in her dreams. "Let's go Amanda!" she prompted.

"Oh oh, Kid fell in, now the pants are definitely coming off!"

"Amanda don't!" But she couldn't help herself and watched eagerly, though ashamed of herself. It felt like intruding.

Kid was sitting in the shallow water, Jimmy laughed wholeheartedly at him. Kid threw his companion a murderous look.

His tanned arms and trim waist. She drew a deep breath and stared, knowing the vision would probably come back to taunt her. But still, she couldn't take her eyes off him. Jimmy walked up to him and handed him something, Kid stuck his leg out and made Jimmy trip and plunge head first into the creek. Then he laughed while Jimmy submerged, only to pop back up and glare at him.

Lou smiled at the sight.

"Thank you Kid," Amanda giggled, "now his pants are gonna come off too!"

Amanda's shamelessness had Lou divert her eyes, still didn't feel right to watch them like this, without them knowing. She wanted to protect Kid from Amanda's appraising eyes, she didn't want anybody to look at Kid like that, seizing him up. Her possessiveness surprised her, she wanted that sight all for herself, she didn't want to share Kid like this with anybody. She really didn't mind looking, what she minded was Amanda looking.

"Don't look, please!"

"Oh don't you worry Lou. I'm not resting my eyes on the Kid, have no fear."

"Hey!" Lou cast a dismayed glance in Amanda's direction. "That's not why...."

"Shh, Lou, they may hear us!" Resting an arm around Lou's shoulders, she walked up closer to the dune, peeking over it. "What a sight," she sighed.

Lou couldn't help herself and looked again. Blushing as she noticed he was washing himself, clad only in a towel around his waist. She echoed Amanda's sigh.

"Missed the best part," Amanda whispered.

Lou remain looking at the man by the creek, agility and strength in the lanky body. Precise movements as he rinsed his clothes in the creek, water dripping from his hair onto the broad shoulders, reflecting the sunshine. The movements of his body as he crouched and washed his face in the shallow water. The shy smile that emerged when Jimmy said something to him, a friendly grin on the face as he answered Jimmy. His expression making her heart surge. Lou could almost feel his voice even if she was out of hearing range. Jimmy seemed to persist and Kid rose to stand at the bank, suddenly turning serious. Remaining still, looking out into the horizon. Lou wondered what they were talking about. Shifting her gaze to Jimmy, she saw him crouched beside the creek. Watching Kid, waiting for an answer. Nodding in consent at Kid's negating head-shake.

Lou bit on her lower lip, wondering what had made Kid look so sad all of a sudden? She glanced over at Amanda. To see if she had seen the shift too. But her companion's eyes were glued on Jimmy, a faint smile playing on the lips while she watched him intently. Lou shook her head, knowing that Amanda felt no shame whatsoever over what they were doing, spying on them.

Letting her eyes wander back to the two, Lou decided to fill her mind with the sight, remembering it and treasuring it. He was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen, she'd never thought about a man as 'beautiful' before. Handsome yes, good-looking definitely, but beautiful? There was something more than the handsome features about the Kid! Something deeper that made him ...'beautiful'. And this was probably all she would ever see of him so why not? Amanda was right, it wouldn't hurt him, because he would never know. And she'd lock this memory in her heart, together with the blueness of his eyes, she'd remember and long for what probably never would come true.

"You're right Lou," Amanda finally sighed, "we can't be standing here ogling all day long, we have work to do. Much as I hate it right now, we better get going. Back to the bugs...gosh, the irony of life is creepy! Why do bugs win in the battle against men? I must be going out of my mind here!" Amanda rolled her eyes. "You're a bad influence, Lou."

Lou had to giggle at the prospect, fully knowing that she'd remember everything, every move and every playing muscle perfectly. The smile and the playfulness. The sadness that came over him as he stood there, looking into the horizon. Somehow she felt like she had watched him before, that his body was hers in a way. Hers to touch and hers to hold. That he somehow belonged with her. Why, she had no idea, but it felt like she reacted instinctively to him, like she was pre-programmed.

 _Pre-programmed for heartache._ Lou snorted bitterly at the thought.

Sighing she followed Amanda back to the camp, they'd always be able to get more samples along the way. Staying here so close to the Kid was futile, she'd never get any work done like that. Her eyes kept wanting to drift to those tanned arms and narrow hips, the broad shoulders manifesting strength and the confidence in his stride. Her mind drifted to the expression in the deep blue eyes and the smile that pulled your feet from under you. She wanted to be the one making him smile like that.

"There I go again," she groaned to herself.

"What?" Amanda threw a glance at her.

Lou broke a sturdy twig from the nearest tree. "Start digging!"

 

 

Buck's eyes widened as the EA stated humming a warning tone. Stopping his packing, he looked up to the sky. It seemed endless and blue, a perfect summer's day. Could they be wrong yet again? There was not one dark cloud as far as his eyes could see, not one sign of the storm that lurked behind the horizon. But his intuition had been restless all day long, telling him something was up. He had tried to push it far back, blaming his uneasiness on yesterday and the havoc. But his uneasiness grew as he waited for the rest to get back.

Anxiously he started packing, readying them for departure. And then the alarm set off and he knew he had been right all along. He had probably picked up the signs earlier than the sensors had. There was definitely something in the air that spoke of danger, something not tangible, yet very distinct.

The alarm was cut off as Ike's voice disheveled the thoughts.

"Buck, you're right, there was a hailstorm that almost wiped sector 28 out, seems it's moving this way! Might turn into a series of twisters. You gotta get back by yourselves, you have about 6 hours, can you make it?"

"I don't know," Buck admitted, "what about the ASA?"

"Don't have one big enough for all of you here, they're all at sector 28, evacuating. Can send one to get some of you out thou', want me to do that?"

Buck paused for a second, Lou and Amanda would probably be saved if the worst happened. But how would he tell the two of them to go and leave the rest of them behind? They'd never do that. "No."

"Thought so, and Buck..."

"Yeah?"

"Just get yourselves home! I'll be here all the time telling you how it's looking. Sam's hunting high and low for another transport ASA, if we're lucky we'll be able to pick you up on the way."

"All right, Ike."

"Buck!"

"Huh?"

"I wish I was there, hate sitting here and not being able to..."

"Ike!"

"Yeah?"

"Please shut up and guide us home."

"Okay bro, I'll do what I can."

Buck smiled, knowing Ike would turn himself inside out if necessary. He'd see them through all right, guide them around the storm if necessary. Buck felt good having Ike look out for them. The tension had lessened now that he knew what he was facing, and that Ike was on top of things.

Buck hollered for Amanda and Jimmy to get back to camp, knowing those were the only ones with functioning EA's, hoping they had the other two with them. There was no time to spare.

With a last glance at the peaceful summer sky, he tucked the packed tent into the carriage and went for the horses. They'd better leave everything behind and ride like the devil was on their heels.


	16. Chapter 16

The summer sky. Promising and serene. Warmth and light, sources of life.

Rachel stared into it, not able to comprehend that behind it lay the promise of death and destruction. That not very far from here, the summer sky had turned into a destructive turmoil, changing from serenity to chaos. And they had no means whatsoever to control the forces behind the violence. They had never been able to stem nature's wild, sometimes volatile temper, it had brought destruction to the civilization two hundred years ago. And now it was probably bringing destruction on them. Wiping them out, just like it had sector 28, destroying the crops, molesting life.

When she closed her eyes, she saw before her the brutal tracks the storm must have left. She had never been to sector 28 but she was able to envision it, like she was there right now and soon she might be in the midst of it for real. If the storm changed course they'd find themselves in the path of the rage of nature. And all they had was HuRec's word that the edifices were built to sustain such an event.

Smiling bitterly at the thought, she snorted. Yes, HuRec was liable to promise anything, bunkered in safe cupolas, they were able to observe them all under these critical circumstances, watch how they would react. Like observing lab rats in a maze, confused and disoriented, not even knowing what lay ahead. Stressed into running without aim while giants hovered over them, watching them with emotionally detached interest. Rewarding them with a small token of food if they made the right decisions. The validity of the decisions always stipulated by the observers. Now they were the rats, being observed and evaluated. Damn the! There were ASA's available she just knew it, they just didn't care!

Her fist connected hard with the verandah railing.

"Rachel?"

Rachel turned at the sound of Emma's wondering voice. Finding the woman watching her, her eyes just as weary as her stance.

"I just get so mad at them," Rachel excused herself. "Sam find any means yet?"

Emma slumped down on the chair by the door, shaking her head in response. "No, and he's been everywhere, closest ASA available is 5 hours away. We'll be buried in debris by that time - if it comes to that."

"I can't believe they didn't have plans for a situation like this!"

"Sector 28 was not secured for this, it would have been restructured anyway they say. It was provvisory. Keep promising us that ours is safe, all precautions have been taken. We're almost as safe as in a Cupola. That is...everyone that is inside..."

Rachel closed her eyes and leaned up against the post. She had been avoiding to think of the five out there. The five without any means of protection at all. As an answer to her despair, the first cold wind rustled the leaves in the trees and sent her shuddering. "It's starting," she stated, the tone of her voice revealing defeat. "It's already starting and they are 3 hours away. Why the hell didn't they at least send two of them to safety?"

"Which two would you have chosen?" Emma asked.

Rachel turned to look at the woman, knowing Emma knew full well she had no answer to that. Before knowing them, she may have had an opinion, coldly evaluating the pros and cons, looking at which ones of them were most valuable to the team. But knowing them, there was no way to choose. And Emma knew that.

The woman smiled wearily at her. "Kid already tried to get Lou and Amanda to go, Buck said it was one hell of a fight between them. And then poor Jimmy chimed in and ...all I can say is - not a good move from the poor sods."

"Can't believe they were so stupid as to actually blurt it out?"

"Well, Kid allegedly said they'd better get back with the samples intact 'coz otherwise they would have to redo the trip. Lou got mad and told him she'd see to it with her life that the samples got safely back to Sweetwater. Buck said that really cheered Kid up."

Involuntary Rachel cracked a smile. "What are we gonna do with those two?"

Emma rose to stand at Rachel's side, her eyes scanning for signs of the boys bringing the cattle in. A relieved exhale escaping both women at the sight of the herd emerging into sight. Both women counted the riders, throwing each other a glance as the number was the expected.

The wind picked up.

"We gotta get them all home Rach, that's what we gotta do first. Because if we don't....."

Rachel felt the cold wind penetrate her bones. The sky darkening at the horizon, black clouds speeding toward them.

"We better start closing the blinds," she stated tonelessly.

 

 

Buck slowed down behind Kid pulling Katy into a walk. His own horse breathing heavily, foam forming on the chest. Buck moaned at the sensation of his own legs, aching from exertion. They had been riding really hard for four hours already, the horses were tired, the riders were beat and right at this minute, it felt like they'd never make it. He steered his horse to walk beside Katy.  
Kid threw a glance at him and switched position uncomfortably. Buck felt a twinge of bad conscience, having accepted to borrow Katy's saddle for his own wagon horse. But he couldn't help grinning at Kid's face as he leaned forward on Katy neck, grimacing.

"Sore rump, huh? Wanna change horses?"

"No thanks," Kid chuckled. "But remind me to never do this again!"

"What ya doin'?" Jimmy snarled at the from behind. "Stopping for a picnic?"

Buck leered over his shoulder at Jimmy. "We're airing Kid's rump for a while, seems it's almost done already."

Jimmy snickered. "The lady's hard on your butt, Kid? I must say you don't have any luck with the females."

"Oh shut up Jimmy," Amanda wheezed. "Isn't like you're in the clear either. I won't forget that vote of confidence in a while. Your butt might be hurting too before I'm done with you."

"Oh please!" Buck intervened, "not again, we did this already, it wasn't..." he grew silent as Lou threw him a murdering glance.

Riding up to the other side of Katy, she fumbled with something under her coat. With a triumphant smirk she extended the flat box in Kid's direction. "See Kid, still got the samples! Safe as ever, good enough for you?"

"Lou," Kid moaned,"that's not what I meant! You know that."

"Don't tell me you were implying I wouldn't make this ride as fast as you? Hell, I'm not complaining over a sore butt here!"

Amanda laughed and Buck rolled his eyes. Each and every time they walked the horses, Lou forced another nail into Kid's coffin. And Buck sensed Kid becoming more and more tense.

He watched as Kid slide off Katy and start walking by her side, stretching his legs.

Lou reined Lightning closer to the pair. "You're slowing us down Kid! I'd say..."

"Then go!" Kid said, his voice hard. "Go on, I'll make it just fine. I'm just letting Katy rest coz' she's tired, she has carried the burden long enough, she needs her rest." His eyes capturing Lou's.

Lou was visibly taken aback at the sound of the harshness in his voice. The look in Kid's eyes was something she hadn't seen before. Like a warning, a brief flash of the emotions inside him, the ones he was constantly keeping in control. A steely look she hadn't seen before, exposing the hard core she knew had inside him. Strangely it didn't scare her, it wasn't directed at her, it was directed at what she was doing. A sign that her words had stung him and it was enough. It didn't scare her, it just opened up a new depth of him. A depth that needed to be respected. As soon as the steel had flashed in the blue orbs i,t disappeared and he looked to the ground. Like he was ashamed over what he had revealed.

She slid off Lightning while the horse was walking, causing Kid to throw her a worried glance. Maybe he was about to remark to her that she dismounted from the wrong side, but Lou decided to intervene. Stepping up to walk in his pace she bowed her head, fighting to get the words out.

"I'm sorry, Kid."

Kid stuffed the free hand into his pocket, keeping his gaze on the ground he was threading. "Me too, Lou. Came out all wrong, I just wanted you to be safe, I know you two can make it. Just wish you wouldn't have to."

"I'm not leaving any of you behind, Kid. Couldn't live with myself if I did."

Kid raised his gaze from the ground and watched her.

She met his eyes and smiled, hoping to erase the pain that had emerged in his.

Then he turned his gaze to the horizon and nodded. "I know."

Know what? She wanted to ask him, what was it she'd said that provoked the pain in his eyes? But Lightning shied for something and she had to turn her attention to the horse while Kid lengthened his stride and walked away from her.

Buck stepped up to her side, watching her thoughtfully.

Lou mumbled soothingly to Lightning, telling him it would be all right. Feeling Buck scrutinize her without blinking, she smirked. "What?"

"Would you regret it, Lou?"

"Regret what? And why?"

"If we somehow don't make it, would you?"

It dawned on her what he was talking about. She turned her eyes to Buck, walking at her side, watching her. She looked at him to see if he was serious? The dark eyes told her that he was. Her cheeks got warmer and she shrugged, angry at the whole situation. Angry at all of them for meddling. But most of all, angry at herself for not being able to hide it better. She heard Jimmy and Amanda squabbling behind her, their voices amicable, Amanda promising Jimmy he'd get his fish fried. Jimmy admitting to looking forward to it, whatever she meant by it. Their bickering light and full of flirtation. It saddened her to realize they were probably closer than she and Kid would ever become.

"None of your business," she muttered. "And I don't really know what the hell you're talking about anyway."

"Uh huh, " Buck replied. "But for the sake of us all, when we get back home, just do it! Coz I'm starting to fear the explosion that will follow if you don't."

"You're crazy, Buck!"

"Been called worse," he replied.

"It's not that easy, it's not just..."

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, Lou. I know it's not 'just that' anymore. That's what makes it so much worse, insane. He grinned briefly in her direction. "I was actually praying the storm would hit us there for a while."

"I don't know what you're talking about, " Lou tried again.

"Oh please." Buck groaned, "there's a limit to denial, Lou - and you just stepped over it."

"Oh shut up!" Lou whimpered.

Buck just shook his head and walked up to Kid's side.

 

The first cold breeze hit them and Kid stopped. "We better get going again," he stated, "I think it's closing in."

Lou nodded in his direction and mounted Lightning, patting the sweaty neck, excusing herself to the horse, knowing he was tired and hungry. Feeling sorry that he would have to carry her all the way. Sighing she made sure that the samplebox was securely tucked inside her inner pocket.

 

Kid watched her stubbornly tucking that damned samplebox inside her coat. He had to smile. She sure was rubbing it in, refusing to understand the real reason for his plea. It wasn't that he doubted her ability, it was just that his deep-rooted need to protect loved ones took over. And he couldn't help it. With all his heart, he wished she was inside a vehicle, maybe even home safely. With her around, he couldn't concentrate on much else.

Slowing down Katy until Lightning caught up, he held his gaze on her, still struggling with the box. Although it infuriated him to see her stubbornness and pride, it made him love her for it too and the looks she gave him when she thought he stepped over the line. That independence that had him groan inwardly, the loyalty that was damned dangerous in cases like these. She should be home and safe.

Reflexively his hand reached out to straighten the stirrup leather on the saddle, anything to see to it that nothing hurt her.

Startled she looked up at him, her eyes asking 'what the hell now?'

"Might give you bruises," he explained himself, knowing full well she would have done it herself, but he just needed to tell her to be careful. Without her flying off the handle. "I just...." his voice trailed off as she smilingly looked into his eyes. Probably laughing at him for his over-protectiveness. Finding him more than just a tad silly.

He to had to smile at himself, at all the stupid involuntary declarations of love he was showering her with. A love she must find so amusing.

Without thinking, he lay his hand on her thigh, right above the knee. Feeling the heartbreaking fragility in her small body, the roundness having his mind wander back to the danger and the fear for her life, or all their lives. "Ride safe," he cracked at the need to touch her taking command again.

Her hand came to cover his and she squeezed gently.

His breath stopped in the middle of his throat and his heart jumped a beat. Lifting his eyes to see if she was about to whack him over the head, he was surprised at the warmth in her smile. Her silent acknowledgment of his stupid behavior, forgiveness for what he was doing to her. Constantly. She smiled softly at him, her eyes glittering. He held his breath. Ashamed of himself and his need, she must be finding him so helplessly ridiculous. He was starting to hope her subtle teasing of him was a sign of something else than mere amusement from her part. But of course it wasn't, he'd never forget her blushing cheeks as Cody discovered the picture she brought along. The picture of the man that had claimed her heart. He blushed thinking about what a fool she made him become when looking at him like that. He wondered if she was telling her boyfriend about the certifiable vet who drooled over her constantly?

"Let's go home, Kid. I'll take it slow to have mercy on your rump."

With a mischievous smile at him, she retracted her hand and kicked Lightning onwards, picking up speed.

Kid watched her backside as she rode away, chuckling at her wisecrack.

Jimmy rode up to his side, nodding to the horizon where the darkness had gathered.

Kid acknowledged Jimmy's concern and let Katy follow in Sundancer's speed. Without a word being spoken both he and Jimmy knew they'd have to stay behind the rest of the group, stay behind as a safety troop, if something happened. With his eyes on the small back in front of him, he felt cold to the bones at the thought of what might encounter them yet.

 _Oh God please don't let anything happen to her!_ As the thought hit his mind, he knew he had broken the oath and didn't even feel guilty about it. She just meant so much to him, nobody would falter him for it. Or would they?

 

 

"Noah! She's going left!" Rachel screamed against the hard wind. Pointing her finger in the direction to emphasize her words.

Noah peered at her with desperation. A big mistake.

Cody lunged himself and missed, causing Belle to jump and collide with Noah's legs, having the latter stumble head first into the dirt. Amazed Rachel watched the goat turn and sink her head into an attack position, aiming for Cody.

Cody was up on his feet in record time, eyeing frantically around for cover while Belle calculated her target's movements. The goat and the man locked gaze for a moment and then Cody turned and ran for all he was worth towards the barn. Belle took off after him, gaining on him steadily.

"Oh God!" Rachel panted as she made her way to Noah in the strong cascades of icy wind. "You okay?"

Noah nodded and rose to his feet. "Guess he's gonna get it for all his teasing, huh?" He had to scream against the hard wind.

"You got your medical bag?" Rachel screamed back, realizing they wouldn't make it back to the house.

"We'll have to make do with what we have Rach, thought they'd make it back earlier!"

"Was thinking about Cody after Belle's had her say," Rachel rebuked, causing Noah's to laugh under his breath and embrace her to keep her feet steadily on the ground while they walked.

She was shivering under his touch. "You cold Rach?" he asked with his lips pressed to her ear.

She turned and looked at his face, the green eyes wide with sadness. Stopping her stride, she looked up at his eyes, touching his heart with her naked emotionality. He enfolded her with both his arms and pressed her to his chest. Standing in the strong wind, not wanting to see the sorrow in her, not wanting to think the unthinkable. But fact was, if the riders didn't appear in the next five minutes or so, they would be gone. No-one would survive the icy hails that approached them, not without shelter. The front of the storm, looking like a white wall, was closing in on them. The air filling with debris.

He let his eyes wander to the direction he hoped the riders would emerge in, but there was nothing. Closing his eyes he buried his face in Rachel's hair. "They'll make it."

She stiffened in his hold, hammering on his upper arms to get free. Surprised he let go and turned to watch where she was pointing.

Between the trees a group of riders approached, picking up speed as they emerged out of the forest.

Noah said at least a thousand 'thank you's' while he hauled Rachel the twenty feet into the barn.

 

 

Totally out of breath, Buck slid down off his horse, grateful that Teaspoon emerged in the door and took the tired beast into safety. The horses behind him trampled nervously, eyes rolling in fear. Jimmy brushed hard against him as Sundancer was hauled inside. Buck patted Jimmy's shoulder and the man groaned. Sam rushed by to fetch Amanda's twitching horse.

Buck caught Ike and Noah's worried glance over the horse's back and smiled tiredly in their direction, amazingly enough they had made it.

A blanket was draped over his shoulders and Emma guided him inside the building. Buck still held his eyes on his fellow riders outside. A relieved Ike turned up at his side.

The commotion started so explosively that Buck remain stunned as he watched it progress. Teaspoon was heading for Katy and Lou was sliding off Lightning's back. With a roar the first hails drenched them. Lightning rose to his hind legs, a shriek of pain overriding the roar. Lou was flung to the ground, landing hard on her side in the dirt as Lightning pulled backwards, trying to escape. Katy kicked hard at the threat from behind. Lightning backing in terror from the hard hooves. Then the horse rose again and pulled Lou under him. She was screaming, her hand obviously caught in the reins. Lightning was dragging her back into the storm. The terrorized horse struck out wildly to free itself and follow its primary instinct when threatened, to run.

His knife was in his hand even before he thought about it, he lunged himself in Lou's direction, steadying her to the ground while icy projectiles pierced into his back. He saw a shadow crossing his view as he cut the reins. Ike at their side, dragging them towards safety.

Lou shivered under him, a sob escaping her. When he lifted his eyes he saw hooves over his head and Kid flinging himself onto the horse, shoving it off balance. The hooves landed no more than two feet away from them.

"Get inside!" Kid's holler carried clean through to him as Lightning struggled to get free from Kid's hold. Front hooves kicking in midair.

"Lightning!" Lou screamed, "please!"

Lightning raised the head violently, shaking his strong neck in terror, having Kid lose contact with the ground and be dragged to the wall. Ike and Buck grabbed Lou and pulled her to the door as hails rained over them all over again.

Amanda emerged and took a firm hold of Lou's collar, jerking her violently inside. Lou fought to get back outside as Lightning slammed Kid up against the barn wall.

"Oh God, no!" Lou shrieked. "Let go, you moron!"

Then Jimmy blocked her view. The sound of a shot echoed and Lou closed her eyes. "Oh Lord no," she whimpered, "not that, why didn't he let him go?"

"Lou," Amanda shushed her, "he couldn't let go, you were all too close, Lightning would have kicked your brains in." She had to scream as the wind roared once again.

Then Jimmy appeared with a shadow following. They walked right past the pair in the door and Teaspoon flung a rug over the panting horse, the anesthetizing arrow still sticking out of Lightning's flank.

"Damned animal," Teaspoon muttered, "trying to kill us all?"

Lightning still danced nervously but his moves were getting slower, as he walked further into the barn, his head sank and he was seemingly unaware of all the havoc he had caused.

Relief rushed over Lou and she turned her eyes to Kid, falling into a heap inside the door. Noah pushing him further inside to be able to close it behind him. Wheezing Kid sank down on the hard floor and Lou freed herself and ran to him. Sinking to her knees in front of him, she blinked back the tears and cupped his face in her hands.

Struggling to get his breath back, he looked at her, his eyes still expressing terror. Lou swallowed when realizing he must have been just as frightened as the horse. Maybe more since he realized the possible outcomes.

The others formed a ring around them.

Tears welling in her eyes, she looked at him, angry at him for risking his own life the way he had. Thankful that she wasn't under those hard hooves, being pounded to death. Mad that he once again had saved her.

"Why didn't you let go you idiot?" She hiccuped, "why the hell didn't you let go?"

"What?" He looked astonished at her, still having difficulties breathing.

She threw her arms around his neck, rocking him. "Damned fool," she cried. "You could'a been killed! Don't you ever do anything like that again, ya hear me? Don't ever..." Hot tears of relief silenced her and she buried her face in his collar, sobs growing deeper as his arms came around and clutched her to his heaving chest.

The rest of them around looked on in silence, just as shaken as the pair on the ground, unable to move.

Rachel turned a teary face in Noah's direction and he swallowed hard and let his arm encircle her waist. They stood in silence, pondering on the possible outcome of the situation. The wind starting to howl again, the hails drumming against the roof.

Jimmy emerged and took a look at the congregation and the pair holding onto each other on the floor. Meeting with Amanda's eyes, he noticed her being hesitant over what had to be done. Hesitant to break the strange solemnity of the crowd. He leaned in to whisper to her; "We gotta get them away from the door."

Amanda nodded and cleared her throat. "C'mon guys, this is not over yet! We gotta get away from here."

"There's a stall prepared," Teaspoon spoke up from behind them. "That's the best option we got. Everybody all right? Noah. You got the MediPac?"

"All taken care off," Noah replied as if waking up from a daze when Rachel left his side.

Lou dried her tears against Kid's collar, his breath almost normal. "You all right?" she asked, looking straight at him, finding him smiling a silly smile at her. Lou diverted her gaze and stood up to extend him a hand. He took it and eased himself up.

"You okay, Lou?"

She smiled bitterly. "Kid, after that ride? I don't feel anything any longer."

Kid slid his arm around her waist and Lou found her heart pounding. Breathlessly she walked him to the stall, knowing that if she died right now, she wouldn't regret it all that much. "How's your butt?" She asked to get onto safe territory again while she pushed him into the stall, hoping to divert his attention from her quivering legs.

Jimmy shoved her further inside. "You can worry about his sore ass later, Lou. Just get inside, please!"

Lou turned to rebuke but Jimmy kept pushing. Tripping in the dark stall, somebody's hands came around her hips and caught her. Easing her safely to his side. Lou blushed again as Amanda let out a gleeful laugh.

"Thanks," Lou muttered in Kid's direction. Cursing as Jimmy inched closer, having Kid take her into his lap.

Then the lights went out.

Nobody said a word for the longest of time. They all knew the building had shut down for emergency situations. They all held their breaths, waiting.

The wind made the walls shiver and Lou closed her eyes and didn't even protest as Kid tucked her head under his chin. She held on to his coat while he whispered with his lips pressed to her ear. "I'm sorry Lou, just pretend I'm the one you love the most, pretend that he's holding you. Please don't be afraid."

She opened her eyes, squinting in confusion, wondering what he was babbling about?

"I know he's thinking about you right now, and you'll be all right sweetie, everything will be all right."

His lips caressed her ear and she closed her eyes again, wanting to giggle at his monumental stupidity. The fool thought she was thinking about Sean? She tilted her head and caught his lips, not minding what would happen next, she kissed him hard. Buck's words 'would you regret it' taking on another meaning as he answered and the kiss deepened. The kiss was more desperate than their first, filled with both fear and a passion just as fierce as the storm outside. An unspoken need, close to desperation, unleashed. She dared not breathe as he held on to her and her fingers latched onto his wet coat mindlessly. The kiss made her need flare up, pushing away everything else. She had to break the kiss off, her body shivering and ripe for his taking. Her ears were humming as she rested her lips on his and breathed hard. "Oh God," she said.

Kid held on the trembling form, not exactly aware of what had happened, slowly returning to his mind after the overwhelming assault of his senses at the touch of her hungry lips. The passion in her kiss making him exhale jerkily, his mind drenched in thoughts following the emotional rush. It must be the reaction from the shock, they might be dying, she was granting a man his last wish... _she's read my thoughts! What the hell am I doing? Who stated this kiss anyways? Am I forcing myself on her yet again? You can't go kissing her like this you idiot, however much you want to!  
_  
The barn was oddly quiet. Kid though everyone must be listening to his wildly pounding heart, knowing what he had done. Then he realized the hails were no longer drumming against the roof. The immediate danger was over. And he had lost track of time.

"I'm sorry, Lou," he whispered, "I didn't..."

"All right guys," Amanda moaned. "Not that I'm complaining or anything but who forgot to take a shower this past decade?"

"You feel it too?" Ike's voice carried to them from the opposite wall.

"It's hideous," somebody pointed out. "What the hell is it?"

"A flashlight anyone?"

"Well..." Cody started and Lou freed herself from Kid's hold as a flashlight came on and lighted the small space faintly.

"Well folks, it's...." William F. Cody peered at the light that fell on him.

Amanda let out a hysterical giggle at the sight. The beam of the flashlight shook slightly.

"My my," Teaspoon wondered, "Cody, when's the wedding?"

The goat, lying comfortably over Cody's legs, looked up and stopped munching on the straw, sleepily she looked over the funny people invading her favorite stall. The sounds of the woman next to her made Belle emit a compassionate bleat before she turned her attention back to the tasty dinner.

When the lights flickered tentatively before turning on again and bathe everything in a sharp light, they all lost it. Cody's protests were drenched in a half hysterical explosion of laughter.


	17. Chapter 17

Noah let his head sink back to rest up against the wall, smiling in response to the occasional outbursts of snickers in the group. He felt oddly tired, not as relieved as expected. They should all be whooing and whopping, dancing around and celebrating that they were still all alive. Instead they just sat there, in the semi-darkness, and laughed hysterically. Too tired to do anything but let their emotions out in fits of laughter. They should be getting up and out to assess the situation, but nobody moved. Noah closed his eyes and dwelled in the darkness, resting in the aftermath of the emotional outburst, the initial anger, then the fear and tension, and now the immense relief. A relief so enormous, it made him too tired to react.

"Noah?"

A hand was placed on his knee, squeezing slightly. He opened his eyes and let his gaze fall on the woman at his side. Smiling reassuringly at her, extending a hand to lay it in her lap.

"You okay?" She asked again, watching him.

"I'm fine," he nodded, watching to see the green of her orbs, but the darkness seemed to oddly flatten both the moods and the colors. But the eyes resting on him showed genuine concern. "Just too damned relieved to do anything but sit here and smile like a goon."

Rachel let out a short laugh. "I know, I had all these pictures in my head about what might happen - and now...."

"Well, we can't just sit here forever can we?" Sam's voice sounded just as weary as Noah felt.

"Who says?" Emma rebutted. "I wouldn't mind, I think. Just the thought of...what if something happened to the house?"

"Cody'll fix it," Jimmy promised, causing Buck and Ike to laugh out loud.

"Jimmy, remember I'm armed with a goat here," Cody warned. "I already taught her to attack on visual cues. Won't take long until she takes orders too."

"Visual cues, huh? I'd say Cody cues." Lou laughed. "'Coz last time it was you she was chasing around the corral."

"That was just a trial, to see if she was trainable!"

"I'd say mission completed then," Teaspoon mused. "She sure gave you a good run this afternoon, Cody. Might get tiresome for you in the end. Running around doing the chores with Belle hot on your heels. But - at least she gets you running, I'd say she's the only one that does."

"Oh no Teaspoon, I've run...."

"Running after skirts don't count, Cody." Teaspoon sighed and eased himself up. "How about you and me run to see what's left of the house? And keep that goat leashed Cody, she already ate a pair of my best shoes."

"And my shirt," Noah reminded, "that goat is a peril as bad as any storm."

"Don't forget she nibbled on Lou's riding boots too," Jimmy pointed out. "If she gets near anything of mine, it's her last meal. I swear."

"She what?" Lou wrinkled her nose at the new information.

"That time you didn't find them, well I bound them in Belle's stall," Buck chuckled. "With distinct tooth marks."

"You're gross!" Lou told the goat peering back at her. "You and me, Cody, are gonna have a lengthy discussion!"

"Me? I didn't nibble on your shoes!"

Noah had to suppress the laughter rising. Rachel was shaking at his side and he extended an arm to pull her into his embrace. She let out a suffocated snort of laughter. Noah ruffled her hair. Tenderness washing over him, together with the relief of being alive. Being able to laugh and cry, and hold Rachel in his arms. He'd have to thank Cody for making them all laugh and he'd have to tell him they weren't laughing at him, only his pranks. He smiled at the man standing in the middle of the stall, defending himself, a contagious grin on the face. But Lou did it before he had time.

She rose from her secure position in Kid's lap and threw her arms around the stunned man's neck. "Thank you Cody," she sighed contentedly.

"For what?" Cody grinned, then he looked down at Kid and smiled. "Oh, I see, got you right where you've longed to go, did I? Well, anytime you need help...no Lou, don't!"

The girl had loosened her grip and placed a merciless thumb in his ribs. Cody stumbled out of the stall, swatting Lou's tickle hungry fingers away. He stumbled over Belle and had her jump in fright, landing in Jimmy's lap. The latter cursed and rose to his feet, dragging a snickering Amanda with him in the process.

Lou proceeded determinedly at Cody, a threatening finger pointing in his direction.

Belle started running around in the stall, forcing everybody up to their feet. Lou took a quick step to the side, out of Belle's erratic trajectory. Kid caught the goat and steadied her in his hold. "Take it easy girl," he mumbled at the struggling goat. Belle let out a bleat in protest. Everybody moved to the side.

"Uh Kid," Cody spoke from the door, "two-timing already?"

With a chuckle Kid let go off Belle. "Go get him, girl!"

Belle was glad to be let free so she made a run in the direction of the door, the funny people in her stall moving to get out of her way.

Cody swirled a full 360 degrees as Belle lowered her head and rushed out past him. His trainee brushed hard up against boot clad legs. Finding himself face to face with Teaspoon, the manager holding his coat in a firm grip, holding him up on his legs, Cody grinned in appreciation.

Teaspoon shook his head. "Son, I'd stick to logging if I were you, goat training ain't your line of work."

"Aw Teaspoon, don't ya know? Nothing's my line of work."

Emma came up from behind and took his arm, "'Cept eating Cody, you're damned good at that! And making us laugh, thank you, I really mean it."

"Come to think of it," Cody smiled down at the woman. A glint in his eyes, "did we miss supper?"

Lou shook her head at the commotion when the congregation started for the door. Automatically she extended a hand to Kid still sitting in the furthest corner. "C'mon Kid."

The group before her bickering among each other, relief painted on their faces. The voices ringing out the joy of still being alive. But Kid didn't move.

Turning to see what was wrong she found him transfixed, looking at her arm. His face in the shadow, indecipherable. Instinctively she jerked her arm back to her side. "What now?" she snapped at him, angry that she had given herself away once again, extending him a helping hand. Mad at him for not taking it. Bewildered at his silence.

 

He felt sick at the signs of the accident on her tender skin. It was screaming out to him, accusing him of having let it happen again. He couldn't bring himself to touch it and memories washed over him. The darkness, the whimpering sounds. Looking up into her face, he searched for signs of pain. The dread of what might have happened to her paralyzing him. He had been unable to protect her, once again. He wanted to ask for forgiveness but his throat was too dry.

Lou squinted her eyes at the sight of him. He still said nothing, his eyes locking onto hers, expressing panic.

Lou stared down at him, not getting what had happened. Had she done something? Something wrong? Looking down at her own arm, she wondered why he wouldn't take her hand? Did she repel him somehow?

Her arm was bluish in color around the wrist, the signs of Lightning's reins imprinted on the skin. Oddly it didn't hurt before, but as soon as her eyes took in the signs of the accident, a dull ache worked itself up to her elbow. She shook the arm trying to get rid of it. Kid's panicked eyes still on her.

"Kid?" she asked again, his reaction so out of place, it was just a bruise. Nothing to get all riled up about.

Then his eyes traveled down her body, like in an evaluation. She froze to her place. His overt measurement of her shocking her at first, she hadn't expected that from him, the Kid, the shy gentle man she thought she knew. She'd never expect him to look at anybody like he was looking at her now. Then it enraged her. What right did he have to look a her like this? Judging her?

 

His heart pounding he tried to take back control and push the panic aside. It was Lou, and she was still alive. His eyes wandered over her body. Looking for further injuries, praying there would be none. Praying that there would never be. Her small form so vulnerable, it would take next to nothing to crush her. Nauseated by the vision of her in a pool of blood, he groaned, images flooding his mind. The realization that he had no control over what happened to her made him feel utterly helpless. What if he'd cause the same to her too? He'd never forget himself if he somehow closed the light in those brown wells. If he caused another death, hers, it would be the end of everything. And it had already been so close. His eyes took in her form, the curves he longed to caress and touch. The tender skin he longed to kiss, and instead he made it bruise. Instead of joy, he kept bringing her pain. Would he ultimately crush her somehow, take away life from her eyes? Would she too lay in his lap, staring blindly into nothing? Forever gone. He felt like banging his head against the wall, cursing himself for not keeping in mind what always seemed to happen to the ones he loved. Had happened, and would probably happen again. Hating himself for loving her, only to bring her pain. Images were flashing rapidly before his eyes. Disgusted he closed his eyes as the smell of concrete dust filled him. His last memory of the event.

She watched him close his eyes in disgust.

"Fuck you," she said and turned her back on him, disgusted by him. Disgusted by herself for falling for such a prick.

Her silent curse brought him back to reality. The anger in her voice shocking him. "Lou? No, wait!"

The sound of him scrambling to his feet. His hand touching her shoulder. She shook it off. Wheezing at him to stay clear of her.

"Lou, what's wrong?"

What's wrong? Swirling around she met with his eyes. Saddened pain meeting her. Pain of revealing his true self?   
_Who the hell are you, really? Is this an act you're putting up? This sweet guy charade? What the hell's wrong with you?_ She stood there, staring at him, no understanding anything at the moment.

The eyes told her about utter bewilderment, he truly had no clue why she had reacted the way she had. A concerned question in the eyes, directed at her, a wordless inquiry that removed her anger instantly. Replacing it with a need to confide in him. The old Kid back, or had he just gotten his mask back on?

The weariness that filled her had her shake her head in resignation. She had no force to fight with him any longer. Or try and understand him. She had no idea who he was, she'd have to remember that. His refusal to talk tired her out, she was fed up with this game.

"Don't ever touch me again Kid, just stay clear of me!" She had to force the words out, making a clear statement. Once and for all. This was how it should be. They were mere acquaintances, nothing more.

"All right Lou, I'm sorry..I shouldn't have....I just..."

"Don't Kid, I don't wanna hear what you just, just leave me alone!"

She knew she was doing him wrong, she knew it and she still did it. He was offering an explanation and she couldn't take it right now. Right now he was just too much to handle. Right now she didn't have the strength to cope with all this. She walked out on him, leaving him there, cursing herself that she did. Knowing she had to. There was something about him that told her he'd claim her fully if she let him, something about him that told her she had met her fate. But she wasn't ready yet. She never figured he'd be like John McCloud. Full of secrets, silent and evasive. He just wasn't her type! And still - she just had to get out.

With a last irritated grunt, she walked away from him, to the fellow HuRecs standing by the door, peering outside. Whatever they would find out there would be easier to handle than this with her and Kid. If the house was in shambles and the crops were all gone, it would be nothing. But the man standing in the stall had her head whirling with all kinds of thoughts and emotions, with bewilderment and wonder. Even anger and resentment. He stirred up all those feelings in her, like he held some magic code to play on her emotions. Having her on an eternal roller coaster, thrown from happiness to despair, making her lose the grasp of reality. Losing herself. But most of all, he evoked strange feelings, notions she didn't even know she had. That need to hold him and forgive him for everything. The need to be held by him, touched by him. To run her fingers through his hair and melt into his embrace. She just wasn't able to shake that. And it enraged her that he held such power over her.

 

 

Kid rested his head up against the post and closed his eyes. He had no idea what he did to have her react like that and she gave him no space to explain himself. Not that he really could have, but still. For a moment he was about to tell her everything. Almost everything, he was about to tell her what kind of a man he was, what happened to people he loved. His parents, friends and lovers. That he somehow seemed cursed. She'd probably have laughed at him anyhow, how on earth would someone believe in curses in this time and age? Innumerable times he had tried to tell himself he wasn't, that it was only bad luck or something. But the nagging feeling of being responsible for what had happened, first to his folks then to the girl was hard to explain with logic.

And now it was happening to Louise. Right before his eyes and he seemed unable to stop it. _Because you can't stop loving her, that's why this is happening. You knew this, you promised yourself never to let it happen again. And what do you do? You fall for her, forget your control and wham! she falls down a ridge because you charged at Jimmy. She almost gets stomped to death because you didn't control the situation. You were watching her instead of realizing what was about to happen. Instead of admiring her you should have been holding the horse, you should have prevented things from happening. Next time you might be too late! Like you were.....  
_  
"Kid?"

Forcing his eyes open, he found himself eye to eye with Jimmy. The man was always there to remind him. _Like I need reminding!_

"What the hell are you doin'?"

"What you mean? I ain't doing anything that you ain't! I've seen you watch Amanda. Jimmy, I'm not blind! What are you doing?"

Jimmy blinked in surprise. "I meant what are you doing here? I need your help with Sundancer, think he trampled himself in the commotion, would you take a look and check if it needs stitching?"

"Oh."

"What'ya mean 'oh', you have no cause to come down on my case here Kid. I'm not the one..."

"Please Jimmy, just shut up. I just thought..."

"If you'd just quit thinking once in a while you'd be better off!" Jimmy shook his head sadly, making a face of irritated disgust.

Kid stepped up to him, letting his eyes pierce Jimmy's. "What'ya mean 'quit thinking'? You mean being more like you, reacting, yeah right we know where that leads. Or did you forget?"

"Oh, shut up!" Jimmy's fist automatically came out and contacted hard with Kid's chest, throwing him off balance. "You sanctimonious little shit!"

"That's your answer to everything, right Jimmy? Talk with your fists, hit 'em unconscious so they won't ever bother you again?"

Jimmy's hand flew up to grab Kid's collar. Jerking hard, making Kid's head tilt backwards. But Kid stayed absolutely still, like he was waiting for those hits. Suddenly Jimmy realized what Kid was doing. He was feeling bad and needed physical pain to cover those churning emotions inside. And he knew which buttons to push. He sure did.

Letting go of Kid's collar, Jimmy shook his head; "Not this time Kid, you ain't getting me to do it this time. I've learned. I was hoping you had too."

Kid's stance changed, his shoulders drooping. "I'm sorry Jimmy, I didn't mean to imply it was your fault or anything. It's just..."

"I know," Jimmy admitted, "it happened again. Don't remind me."

"Yeah," Kid sighed deeply, "the curse is still hanging over my head."

"Jesus Christ man," Jimmy moaned, "back to that? Get yourself over to Sundancer's stall or I'll show you personally how cursed you really are! You're a scientist for crying out loud! A curse? Brother, you're really over the hill with this curse thing."

"Just think about..."

"Oh, just shut up Kid!" Irritated Jimmy shoved the man in front of him up against the wall. "A curse? You're medieval that's what you are, you moron! You haven't had any action in a long time, it's affecting your brain!"

Kid laughed scornfully; "oh the scientist talking here I see, affecting my brain? I thought you always said I didn't have one?"

"Screw you!" Jimmy pushed Kid out of the stall, making him clash into Ike.

Ike lifted his left eyebrow wearily. "Back to normal, I see."

Kid let out a snort of laughter and Jimmy glared. "Just do as I tell you for once in your life, you thickheaded fool!"

"Oh please, spare me!"

"Shut up!" Pushing Kid past Ike, Jimmy nodded an excuse in Ike's direction. Grabbing Kid's coat hard, he dragged him all the way to Sundancer's stall. Muttering curses all the way. In spite of, or more rightly, because of their history, he disliked the man deeply. Exactly the way one dislikes an obnoxious brother. As much as he wanted to whack the Kid senseless right this minute, he just wasn't able to. After all he'd been his friend longer than anybody else, Kid had been his friend when he most needed one and least deserved one. So maybe now he would finally be able to pay the debt? Even if the damned man was driving him out of his mind? Even if he wanted to hit him over his head and tell him to snap out of it, Jimmy knew he couldn't do it. He owed Kid. A ambiguous bond had formed between the two of them early on. And it seemed to refuse to let go.   
"From the cradle to the grave," Jimmy muttered to himself as he pushed the Kid inside the horse's straw-filled dwelling.

"What?"

Jimmy opened the mouth to tell the man to forget it.

Kid rolled his eyes at the expression on Jimmy's face. "Yeah, yeah, I know; 'shut up'." He proceeded to the horse and patted the animal absentmindedly. Stroking a hand over the hind leg and lifting it up to examine it.

"So you do learn," Jimmy grinned.

Kid said nothing but made a move with his free hand, Jimmy instantly knew precisely what he meant. Tossing the sterilizing liquid to him, deliberately missing so Kid had to stretch to catch it. Jimmy snickered. Kid persisted in his silence, taking a good long look at the minute injury above the hoof. Biting on his lower lip, like he was trying to figure out a way to solve some huge life threatening problem. Moving devastatingly slow. Jimmy waited for Kid to finish the task. Irritated that the man took his own sweet time in assessing the injury. Fully knowing he drove Jimmy out of his mind with his pondering and slow pace.

Jimmy's fingers started tapping against the wall and Kid smiled.

"Would you get it done already, before mold starts growin' on ya?"

Kid looked up at him, ready to sling him with a wisecrack. Then he turned serious as his gaze wandered over Jimmy's shoulder and rested on something he must have found really intriguing.

"What now?" Jimmy snarled irritably.

"Oh I've learned, obviously more than you have."

Jimmy wrinkled his brow and turned to watch what had turned Kid serious all of a sudden. He smiled at Amanda leaned up against the wall. Watching them.

"Hand me a butterfly."

"A what?" Jimmy turned back to the man in the stall, suddenly anxious to get over to the woman watching them. He had some issues to settle with her. Foremost the issue of peeking.

"That!" Kid grunted and reached in to the MediPac Jimmy was balancing on the edge of the wooden wall. "She's a fine woman, Jimmy." Kid spoke in a low voice.

"I know," Jimmy snickered.

"Let's see to it she stays that way, Jimmy."

"Just don't go there Kid, let it rest already."

"Just keep your eyes open, that's all I'm saying." Kid threw him a warning look from his crouching position near Sundancer's hind leg.

Jimmy groaned inwardly at his warning, there was a place to be cautious and a place to take the initiative. This one sure demanded some initiative. He grinned down at Kid, deciding to let him in on the secret. Lowering his voice he leaned in over the door. "Speaking of keeping your eyes open, you know what they did."

"Who?"

"Amanda and Lou." Jimmy shot the man a warning glance to have him keep his voice down.

"What?"

"They spied on us." Jimmy had to snicker at the memory.

"What'ya mean 'spied'?"

 _Poor innocent sod,_ Jimmy thought, _he's probably never done it himself. Too damned righteous. A lost cause if I've ever seen one._ "Down by the creek when we were washing up."

Kid looked up at him, still not getting it.

"They hid behind the dune and watched."

Jimmy laughed as Kid's earlobes turned red. "Oh yeah, they were watching all right. I think you should take it up with Lou. I'm surely gonna take it up with Amanda, it's just not fair. We didn't get to see anything!"

"Oh," Kid let out and rose to lean over the stall, "well maybe they just happened to come up on us, you know. By accident?"

"Kid, you're too innocent for your own good, they were ogling all right." Jimmy turned to lean up against the wall, facing Amanda. A knowing grin on his face. Amanda looked at them briefly, suddenly feigning to arrange the wet rugs to dry. Casting casual glances over her shoulder at the two men grinning by the stall.

Jimmy rested his eyes on her, waiting for a reaction. Kid bowed his head and looked to the ground, hiding his broad smile. Jimmy persisted, following Amanda's every move. At last she couldn't take it any longer but turned to face them, her eyebrows raised in a question.

Jimmy smiled even broader.

"Jimmy?" Amanda asked at last, "what's up?"

"Just looking," he replied calmly, watching the woman lose her calm composure for a fraction of a second. Jimmy knew he had hit the bull's eye.

They locked gazes for a while, then Amanda laughed and turned on her heels, walking briskly to the open barn door. Jimmy followed suit.

Kid remain looking after them both, Jimmy's easiness around women both irritated him and made him envious. The man just took what he wanted, always had. And the ladies seemed to like it. Came easy for him, a smile and a wink and the ladies were all over him. Like there was nothing to it.

Resting with his elbows on the stall door, Kid remain absolutely still, the memories still lurking in the back of his mind and he had to concentrate to keep them there.

Sometimes he wished he was Jimmy.


	18. Chapter 18

The wind still rustled the leaves threateningly, the branches still squeaking in protest. The chill in the air so foreign for the season. The ground covered in melting hail, moved around by the lingering wind, scraping the silvery ice droplets against the walls. Getting heavier and moving slower as the temperature rose, changing color from a frozen white into a bluer watery shade. It was an oddly beautiful sight, but the sound sent chills down Ike's spine.

He crouched and gripped the ice with his hand, taking a handful and looking at it melting rapidly in the heath of his palm. Water starting to run down his wrist as the sky lightened into a dusky summer's sky again. He looked up at Buck wondering. His friend looked back at him, his face blank. "Is it coming back around?" Ike asked quietly, knowing Buck wouldn't hear the words but instead get the meaning.

Buck shrugged and Ike turned his eyes back to the melting ice around his feet. This time the water that ensure life had come back to claim their crop, showing the power it still held over them. Despite all their efforts. Reminding them they still were part of a grander whole, a system they had almost managed to destroy by constantly trying to manipulate it. And maybe now the system was back to get them. Force them back inside to the cupolas, where they would do less harm. Remind them not to ever be secure out here but to remain what they indeed were, particles in a system that went respected. He shrugged at the notion of nature having its own mind, a vengeful mind, thought and emotions like his own. It wasn't like that, he knew that full well, still he was angry, angry that the storm still prevented him from getting in touch with Emily. He remain crouched, Buck at his side.

 _Please Emem, say something,_ he thought into the EA, but the answer was still absent. His thoughts echoed unanswered back to him. Lou's legs appeared by his side and he looked up at her, sensing her annoyance, wondering about its source. "Where's Kid?"

The question seemed natural to him, the two of them belonged, just like he and Emily. But she pouted her mouth at him and he rose to stand beside her. "Oh, is that the way the wind is blowing now?" he teased her, knowing he had guessed her mood. "What he do now?"

Lou smiled wryly at his words. "He do nothing as usual, he tending to the horses...or something."

Ike grinned and draped his arm around her shoulders. "That tee you off?"

Buck chuckled.

"Oh shut up Ike!" Lou giggled, Ike always took her mind off things, joshing her into a silly mood. She nudged his side playfully, grateful for his teasing. She trusted Ike to talk when appropriate and hold his tongue when not. But she instinctively turned her head as the door behind them swung on its hinges.

Amanda's wide grin melted away the moment she stepped out of the barn, her pace slowed and she came to a standstill in front of the door. Slowly she shut the door behind her, stepping over the branches in front of her, kicking the smaller twigs out of her way. Then she raised her head and looked over the yard and finally to the house. "Came right over us did it?" she asked.

"Yup," Buck shrugged, "and it might turn yet."

Jimmy launched himself out the door and stepped up behind Amanda, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. But then he stopped and looked around, his hand coming up to rest on her shoulder. "If we would have been....."

"Yeah," Amanda nodded, "but we weren't, were we?"

"We were incredibly lucky," Teaspoon said, "let's hope everyone was. The communications up yet?"

Ike shook his head and Lou looked up at him, smiling reassuringly. "She'll be fine Ike, I know it, she's just worried sick about you, I know I would be."

Teaspoon bent down to pick up a painted wooden stick, probably a window frame from somewhere. Somewhere where they had not been as lucky. He watched the wooden piece thoughtfully, moving it around in his hands as if to assess its origin. Maybe waiting for it to tell the tale?

Then he let the piece fall from his hands and turned to them. "You know one time, we feared outer space and other civilizations. Huge plans were made and institutions were established to fight those we thought were evil. Everyone looked into the sky, wondering when the attack was gonna hit us. All were convinced other races must be as deathly as we were at that time. People told tales about being abducted into strange vessels, experiments being performed on them, first it was told the women where forced to carry the aliens' progeny, then as science progressed, it turned to the abductees being cloned."

Teaspoon looked over the congregation. "The poor aliens were painted out as the devil, but oddly they only performed acts barely outside our reach. Miracles we were able to phantom. What was known to human science, seasoned somewhat, but still... No one ever thought that if in fact there were others, more intelligent races out there, they certainly wouldn't behave in the senseless way they were described to behave. They were far too human in their antics to be believable, far too much like us. An intelligent race would never stoop into destroying a functional system, not like we did. All in the name of progress. And if they were that highly developed, what would force them to come here trying to get this dirty little planet? Why would they need to conquer at all? An intelligent race would explore and try to understand, yes, but destroy, I don't think so. That feature seems to be human, and human alone. We project our fears and our shame and guilt onto somebody else, because we can't face the fact that what we have to fear is ourselves, and....."

"Oh God Teaspoon, " Amanda moaned, "please not now, I need a shower!"

Teaspoon turned to the woman.

Jimmy withdrew his hand from her shoulder.

"Amanda," Teaspoon groaned. "I was just coming to the important part! What I'm saying is..."

Amanda jumped over the fallen branches to get up to the man. "Oh Teaspoon, what you need is a hot cup of cafs and a cookie. You always get grumpy when you're hungry. Come on old man, if you're real nice, I'll let you have two cookies." She framed Teaspoon's face with her hands and smiled at him, titling her head to the side.

Teaspoon chuckled and pinched her nose tenderly. "Amanda, it's not fair. You know that ever since you was little you wrapped me around your finger."

"That," she turned and hooked her arm around his, starting for the house, "was because you stories were all so weird, had to shut you up somehow. Gave me nightmares, Spooney!"

The rest of their mumbles was drenched in the wind as they walked to the house.

Emma turned to them and smiled, "fancy that! I'm amazed, I was fearing another monologue. And aliens? Where did that come from?"

"Sometimes I wonder if he ain't one," Jimmy muttered, "maybe he was trying to tell us something?"

"Oh, he will," Noah grumped, "it'll come, I feel it in my bones, it's just around the corner! When we at least expect it...."

"...it'll hit us like a brick wall," Cody filled in. "Noah? You still got them earplugs?"

"Come on," Rachel laughed and hooked her arms around Emma's and Noah's. "It's just you men gettin' grumpy from the lack of food."

"What if the kitchen's not functioning?" Emma pondered.

Cody stopped stone cold; "Now that folks, would be a disaster!"

Lou laughed and shook her head, looking over her shoulder to see where Kid was at. He still wasn't out of the barn. Then her EA started to hum.

Ike hugged her reflexively and she turned her face to his. He was smiling and nodding, lost to the world. Behind her Jimmy started talking. And the voice of her mother finally reached through to her.

"Baby? You all right?"

"I'm fine Ma," she assured the frantic voice that reached her. "No worries, everything is fine."

But her eyes kept traveling to the closed barn door.

 

 

She made her way back into the barn, shaking her head at herself, he had done it again. Waited her out, having her degrade herself to go back and search for him. Mentally she kicked herself for doing what she was doing, but she couldn't stop herself. As soon as he was out of sight, she needed him back. A need he obviously didn't share. And it infuriated her, couldn't he just for once be after her? _Yeah and when he does touch you, you curse at him!  
_   
She shrugged at her own incoherent behavior, listening into the barn when a muffled voice reached her. "Kid?" she asked, "where the hell are ya? Come on inside already, everyone is waitin' on ya!" _But not me, no no no. Never go thinking I missed ya!_

Katy's head turned in her direction a moment before Kid's popped up in the same stall. _Right where I thought I'd find you,_ she smirked. "What ar'ya doin?"

"I'm just putting some liniment...."

At the rolling of her eyes, his voice trailed off and he flashed her an impish remorseful smile, fiddling with the bottle. "I'm sorry, Lou."

"Stop with the 'I'm sorry's' already. I...," she paused for a moment, not knowing how to put it without putting herself out on the line. "I don't know what came over me, didn't mean to ...well, you know. I'm sorry too. I'm not used to people worryin' and fuzzin' over me, that's all. I am actually able to take care of myself."

He tossed another shy smile at her and stepped out, cleaning his hands on the pants. Putting the liniment to rest up against the wall. Keeping his eyes on the floor. "Okay Lou," he spoke quietly, never looking at her. Standing still at the stall door, like he didn't know what to say or do next.

Lou decided to save the situation. "The communications are up, ain't there someone you need to get in touch with?" She tried to look innocent but she truly wanted to know who and where Kid called when he called 'home'. "You can borrow mine!" she offered. A perfect solution, she'd have to remain with him and listen in if he used hers, no?

"Naw," Kid replied and finally looked at her. "Did you get a hold of..."

"What you mean? Nobody?"

"Not really."

"What about your folks back home?"

He looked up at her and shook his head. "There's no-one."

Something in his gaze told Lou he wasn't avoiding her question but really speaking the truth. A dull sorrow flashing in his eyes, taking her breath away as she sensed the pain her question brought him. For a brief moment, his control seemed to fail him.

"What happened?" She asked in an intake of breath, her hand automatically reaching out for him.

"Lou, it was a long time ago, my folks died when I was five."

"Five?"

"Yeah." He nodded, standing close to her, watching her eyes. Clearly uncomfortable with the topic. "I grew up with an aunt, sort of, but she's on another continent right now. So there's really no-one, Lou."

She looked at him, not able to comprehend how it would feel to be that alone. He didn't seem sad about it, but rather resigned. Like it was something he had to survive. Being alone.

"I'm sorry Kid," she said, her hand gripping his coat hard. " I didn't know."

"How could you," Kid smiled down at her, "it's all right Lou, it's not a big deal."

She looked at him with new eyes, he was different than what she had imagined. Somehow she had figured he'd be a part of a large family, loved and spoiled. The pride of a clan, the brave pioneer whose picture circled at family gatherings while wild tales were spun.

"Oh Kid," she whispered and stepped up closer, embracing him. "Call me."

"What?" His arms came around her and he hugged her in response.

"I want you to call me, Kid," she spoke into his chest, holding onto him. "Whatever happens to you Kid, I want you to call me."

He said nothing but rested his cheek on the top of her head, rocking her.

Lou closed her eyes and saw a five year old Kid before her, his sad eyes looking into hers. A little boy lost in the world, no one there to take his calls. She fought to force the tears back. "Call me," she spoke anew into his shirt, "you gotta promise me that."

"I will," Kid replied against her hair. "I promise."

Lou buried her face into the shirt; "Good," she whispered, refusing to let go of him. He was so warm to her touch, the steadiness in him relaxed her instantly. That calm strength he possessed, covering the passion she'd seen brief glimpses of calling out to her, partly because it was so different from her own swinging emotions. Partly because right now, she needed that strength and control, it made her feel safe. Trust, a notion she was rather foreign to. They rested there and shared each others warmth. Lou felt her eyelids grow heavy and her body's weariness started to weigh on her. If she wouldn't have had to stay on her feet, she would have fallen asleep. She mumbled when she felt her muscles slowly relax, feeling absolutely secure in his hold.

With a chuckle Kid lifted her up in his arms. "Lou, sweetie, you're starting to snore."

Lou laughed with her nose pressed to his neck. "You always do this Kid, carry me to bed. Should I take this as an implication?"

"Do you want to?" Kid asked and started walking.

She was very aware of his smile.

He grunted when he tried to get them both out the door without losing his grip on her. Then he awkwardly tried pushing the door shut behind him. Lou extended a foot and kicked it close.

"You kick worse than Katy," Kid mused with admiration.

The cool air outside had her hide her face in the warmth. Holding on to him for dear life. The laughter bubbling in her. "You haven't seen half of what I can do yet," she retaliated.

Kid just let out a short laugh, positioning her better in his hold.

She closed her eyes and let him carry her like she were a child. Happy to be with him, happy to do anything with him. "Kid," she mumbled. "Whatever you think, there's no boyfriend or such. Just so you know. In case you wanna know. I mean...never mind ...whatever."

"Huh?" Kid asked again, the wind making her mumbles just soft puffs of air against his skin. He didn't quite get what she was saying, at least he couldn't be sure. Because what he thought he was hearing made his heart leap. He stopped before the front door, his heart pounding loudly from the emotions she stirred up in him. "Want me to carry you all the way to bed?"

She jerked her head from his shoulder and looked into a pair of twinkling eyes.

"Coz' you know Noah and Rach are gonna make us pay for that!"

Lou wriggled herself out of his hold. He laughed softly as she squirmed, inching down to get her feet to the ground. Never losing eye-contact with him. _Yes I want you to carry me to bed Kid, don't make me beg. Don't make me wait much longer, I just can't stand it._ When her feet touched ground, she leaned her head on his shoulder, smiling back at him. His hand came to caress her cheek, the smell of horse-liniment having her wrinkle her nose in disgust.

"You and your horses," she giggled, freeing herself from his arms. Wiping her nose and turning to drag him inside, the enchantment broken by the sobering stench. "Go get a shower!"

"What? You don't like my cologne? And I had it specially made for you," he made a morose face in her direction, having her laugh at him.

"Katy may love it, you been around horses too long and too much," she teased while they squeezed themselves through the front door.

"You're absolutely right," he replied, leaning in close on her, "any..."

"Ahem!"

They both jumped.

Teaspoon was eyeing them from the kitchen. Sternly. Noah behind him, casting them warning glances.

Kid nervously moved away.

Lou blinked innocently in their direction.

"You two, get yourselves into the shower and then scoot down here. We're sleeping downstairs, Buck says there's no guarantee that the storm won't come back. Bring blankets!"

"Sure boss," Lou grinned, catching the humor in Teaspoon's eyes.

She glanced over at Kid, the man looked dead guilty, and she rejoiced in the implication. Maybe he wasn't immune after all? "C'mon Kid," she giggled for the umpteenth time this day. Chuckling at his guilty face, pulling him up the stairs and pushing him inside the bathroom.

 

Teaspoon followed the pair with his eyes until they were out of sight. Then he turned to Noah with a crooked smile. "You're right son, it is a worthy sport. What'd you call it?"

"Embarrass the hell outta Kid and Lou," Noah grinned. "They're trying so hard not to let it show, the HuRec rules and all, ya know..."

"Rules," Teaspoon snorted, "them stupid one's are made for breaking, son."

Noah felt relieved, "so you won't report them?"

"I wouldn't report anybody for being human Noah, would you?" The man peered at him.

"Nope," Noah admitted shamefully, knowing he had been altering their PEA readings not to stir up suspicions. And not only theirs.

"Just be careful," Teaspoon grunted, "might be your turn next."

Noah felt the blood rush to his face as he remain staring at Teaspoon walking back into the room to get more wood for the fire place.

 

 

Upstairs Kid rested his forehead against the cool mirror. He desperately needed a cold shower and the strength to stay away from Louise. He was still able to sense her in his arms, her small form clasped to him. He tried so hard to keep his distance, so hard. But he seemed to drift to her relentlessly. He seemed unable to keep away. His hands gripped the basin hard as he tried to calm his pounding heart. He wasn't sure he'd be able to stay just friends with her, he wanted more of her than that. But did she really want more of him? Was it just her way of teasing him, because she knew how he felt? The need to kiss her and make her his was so intense, he never saw or heard anything but her when she was around. And even when she wasn't. And it was getting harder and harder to conceal it.

 _You gotta stay away, you fool, you gotta stay away from her! For her own goddamned sake, keep away!_

He opened his eyes and looked down on his own hands, the knuckles whitening from his hard grip on the porcelain. _Don't do this to her!_ The memories flickering in his mind once again. Guilt and remorse pestering him. However much he tried to reason with himself that it wasn't gonna happen again, the guilt never ceased to remind him that it just might. And it scared him out of his wits.

But something in the back of his mind told him he had no choice but to love her. Whatever she wanted from him, he'd give it to her, he knew that. It was too late to turn back, now he had to guard her with his life.

 

Teaspoon watched his team members roam into the room, one by one. All tired to their bones. Cody slumped down at Ike's side, a plate of biscuits in his lap. He exchanged a look with Buck on the other side of Ike and blinked his left eye exaggeratedly. Buck grinned and nodded. Ike still was immersed in the hour-long silent conversation that made his face light up. Buck had steered him inside from the yard, explaining to them not to expect anything from his friend. He was literally in another world, wrapped up in a long-distance thought-exchange.

Teaspoon grinned at the thought of the power women held over men. Jimmy and Amanda were hauling another divan to the room, and yes, he had seen the hand on her shoulder. Even though Teaspoon felt he had no right to interfere, Amanda still felt like a daughter and he would wring Jimmy's neck if he hurt her. But knowing Amanda, it probably meant that Jimmy would be the one licking his wounds. He'd have to have a talk with the young man, for his own sake. He was not as though as he let out. The volatile temper the young man flashed from time to time reminded him of himself in his youth. Luckily he had grown out of it. With luck, so would Jimmy. He had seen a lot of changes in the young man since he came here, gone were the constant fights with the vet, it was only occasionally the two of them clashed together any longer. And it seemed more amicable than before. Knowing their past had made him very aware of the difficulties that might arise having the two of them in the same team. But they had grown into assets, their shared history had overcome their animosity.

Jimmy and Amanda were entailed in a tug of war over a blanket, his niece chuckling happily. They'd make a fine pair, Amanda loved to have some man she was able to test her strength with, Teaspoon knew Jimmy was a match. Amanda tired easily if she found no opposition. But he truly suspected neither of them would ever settle down. Both had too much of adventure in their blood.

Emma walked in with a tray of hot drinks and admonished them both. Teaspoon smiled at the young woman's voice, she was scolding her children. And her children obeyed. Panting they sat down together, sharing the blanket. He grunted thankfully at her when she offered him the hot drink. Sam tagging after her with the bread basket, truly wrapped around her little finger. Teaspoon had to stifle a laugh at the sight. Sam Cain, the second in charge was under Emma's orders right now, and he looked perfectly happy. _Women!_ he thought, _always exerting that power they have, the glue that held them all together. Love.  
_  
"Roll up your sleeve old man," Rachel's voice woke him from his reveries, holding the Invitae out she bobbed her head to have him hurry up.

"Noah already checked me," he tried.

"Yeah right," Rachel smiled, "that's what wrong with you men, you know it has to be done and still you keep protesting."

"Just don't check my cholesterol," Teaspoon mumbled and rolled up his sleeve.

"Ah, too deep into fridge again," she smiled. "It's gonna be the death of you yet."

"I'd rather die happily with a piece of bacon between my teeth than live to be a hundred and fifty on an asparagus," he admitted.

"Gross," Emma let out from the other side of the room. "Is it time for veggy-meal for Mr. Spoon, Rach?"

"Yep." Rachel nodded looking down on the apparatus.

Teaspoon glared at them both, he'd have to find a way to manipulate that thing. Glancing up at Noah's amused grin, he knew he wouldn't find a collaborator in the doc. "Noah?" he still had to try, "tell'em my cholesterol is perfectly normal, in fact I think it's too low and needs to be increased, right?"

Rachel pinched Noah in the side and shoved him to the divan, Noah looked apologetically at him, signing he really had nothing to say in front of the health-committee.

Teaspoon shook his head sadly in his direction as Noah was pushed down on the sofa and forced to roll up his sleeve. Smitten, him too. Not to be reckoned with, few of his men were in fact, most of them were under the influence of some woman.

"Noah, Noah, Noah," Teaspoon muttered, "told you you'd be next."

"Huh?" Emma asked, inching down at Sam's side on the couch next to the fireplace, "what you talking 'bout Teaspoon?"

"Nothin'." Teaspoon waved the protests away, seeing that now was his golden opportunity. "I have a question to you all. Seeing as we're invited to join the Blue Creek socials next weekend I was wondering who will sign up to stay here and watch the place? Ike and Buck are going to visit their homeburghs, so they're out of commission. Buck, can you get Ike off that EA for a minute or two?"

Ike looked like he was waking up from a very pleasant dream when Buck nudged him hard. Angrily he swatted Buck's hand away.

"Ike! You've been on the thing for an hour and a half, enough already. Em! He needs to work." Buck shouted the last part near Ike's ear.

Ike glared at his companion. "She hang up!"

"It's time for her to get to bed anyhow," Buck leered, "you're keeping her up."

Ike made some obscene gestures while fingering the EA, Buck groaned.

"Just had to say goodnight," Ike defended himself while Buck rolled his eyes.

Teaspoon cleared his throat. "Okay boys and girls, who is volunteering to stay back? Uh Amanda and Jimmy, you'll be holding up the peace and calm in Sweetwater anyhow so don't bother."

"Looks like there's not many to choose from right," Cody chuckled, "coz' I'm not staying either. There's only one logical pair to leave behind, right?"

A quire of chuckles accompanied Cody's statement.

"Yeah," Noah admitted, "but who tells her?"

"Tells who what?"

Lou appeared in the doorway, her eyes rapidly scanning the room. Combing through the hair with her fingers, "where's Kid?"

The burst of laughter that swept through the room had her bite down on her lip.

"You sure you don't have him in your pocket?" Jimmy smiled at her.

"Oh shut up," Lou muttered and shoved herself down at Noah's side. "What's going on?" she asked in his direction.

"Me too would like to know," Noah replied, "where'd you put him?"

"Back to that are we?" Lou mumbled.

"Oh, here he comes," Cody chirped, having Kid stop dead in his tracks at the threshold.

Lou's cheeks turned warm.

"What?" Kid asked, casting a glance around the room, exactly like Lou had. Finding her curled up at Noah's side, he smiled involuntary.

"Sit down, son," Teaspoon told him.

Lou crept closer to the armrest, freeing a spot for him. Answering Noah's amused glance with a murdering one.

Rachel handed her the Invitae, "it's just Cody being silly," she said softly. "Never mind them. Kid come over here, I gotta check you out too!"

"You're good Rach," Cody admitted, "too damned good!"

Kid glared at him while positioning himself between Noah and Lou.

"What's goin' on?" Kid asked Lou while Rachel was examining the results. "You okay, Lou?"

Lou glared at him, he was probably referring to her blushing cheeks. "I'm fine," she snorted. "But Cody won't be when I'm through with him."

Kid smiled shyly and handed her a blanket.

Gratefully she took it, realizing she had forgotten all about it. Kid wrapped it around her and she smiled into his blue's. A theatrical moan was heard from the other side. She looked up around the room and found them all smiling teasingly at her. She muttered and curled herself up into a ball, her back to Kid. Not believing them, exposing her like this on front of Teaspoon and all! Noah's soft chuckles stopped when Rachel pinched him hard.

"I'll get you yet," Kid promised the man at his side.

Teaspoon chuckled and extended his legs. "Okay folks when you're done giving them a hard time, there's actually serious matters to be discussed."

Lou looked up at him, fearing for a moment the discussion would focus on her and the Kid.

Sam moved forward on the couch he was sitting on, resting his elbows on his knees he nodded. "Teaspoon's right, you better listen up."

Teaspoon shot him a grateful glance. "As you've probably noticed, HuRec's not to be trusted."

Lou sank back, relieved.

"What Amanda told us about the hut and the last days' events has convinced us. There's no way we can trust the organization any longer. You've all heard the rumors," he looked around the room. Meeting with the eyes directed at him. "It seems there's some truth in them too. They must have known about the weather about to hit section 22 and us. Still they gave the warning far too late."

Sam rose to shut the light out, leaving them all in the flickering light from the fire. "What I'm saying is we still depend on them, but we can't trust them."

"All we have is each other," Teaspoon continued. "Until we find out what is going on, that's all we really have."

The silence grew in the room. The only sound was the burning fire, the flames casting shadows on the walls as they danced, veiled in yellow and orange. The red brace pulsating like a heart. Transfixed by the beauty, Lou scooted closer to Kid. The semi-darkness enfolding them. Kid groaned and moved to position his legs on the stool in front of him, having her slide into his lap.

Noah made some snide remark that it suited him right for tormenting them all earlier.

She chuckled, trying in vane to placate her mirth, Kid mumbled in response and Lou was again overwhelmed with the feeling that this had happened before. She knew full well she hadn't ever been curled up on a divan with her head resting on Kid's shoulder, teasing him. But somewhere deep inside of her, she felt a memory echoing, like this had happened before. It felt like an age-old habit of theirs, like this was how they had spent their nights, cuddled up on a sofa, watching the fire.

Without taking her eyes off the burning fire, she rested her head against his chest, his heart softly drumming against her ear. She was too tired to even ponder on Teaspoon's words, the steady beat of Kid's heart filled her mind and her eyes drifted shut. Like from a far, she heard them speaking softly, discussing in low voices. Even that felt oddly familiar, but she couldn't form a clear recollection, just a vague emotion of recognition. Seemed so far away somehow, yet eerily close, just under the surface. But it seemed to slip further when she tried to catch it. But the sense of affinity remain, like she knew him and always had, just like he seemed to know her. Not her history or where exactly she came from. That didn't seem to matter. He just knew her, like she knew the rhythm of his heart.

Grunting she protested when he wrapped the blanket tighter around her, breaking her musings, his arm coming around to hold her. His breath fanning her hair as he moved to cover her, making her lose the heartbeat. When he settled, she pressed her ear up to his chest again, catching the calming slow rhythm, feeling her own heart answer by falling into beat with his. Like it had been doing so for centuries.

The last she heard was Teaspoon bidding them all goodnight.


	19. Chapter 19

There was something missing. Jimmy felt it in his sleep, there was too much space around him. He had fallen asleep cocooned by Amanda and the armrest. Now there was a vast empty space at his side. The notion of change had him conscious before he was awake. A strange unreal sensation enveloped him as he found himself unable to move, his arms heavy, unresponsive.

The moment he opened his eyes the heaviness subsided and he took in the situation in the room with all senses. His protor-role took over and he scanned the room instantly, taking in each and every one's position.

Only person missing was Amanda, and the dim light in the kitchen told him exactly where to find her.

He assembled his legs and rose to find out what was going on. The wind had again increased in force, but nevertheless it was far from the brutal strength it had exposed earlier. The windows didn't even rattle.

He had to take a long step over Teaspoon's legs, holding his breath not to stumble and wake the boss. Taking his time to toss more wood into the open fire, he looked around the room once more as the growing flames lit it up. Smiling as his eyes fell on Kid and Lou, entangled into each other, or maybe Lou entangled into Kid? It was hard to tell where one ended and the other one started. _It's been so long since I belonged,_ he thought to himself, _so long since I longed to touch someone. And God how I miss it!_ There was no denying it, he may appear self-sufficient but he wanted someone. He too wanted to belong to somebody, but he couldn't go thinking like that, he was stronger than that. He'd survive, with or without. Without if he had any choice in the matter, the other option was too dangerous.   
Shaking his head, he proceeded into the kitchen, drawn to the young woman he knew he'd find sitting there.

"Amanda?" His whisper was almost inaudible but the figure at the table turned to him. He more felt than saw her irritation. "What's up?" He kept his voice low as he approached her in the dark, the tiny lantern illuminating only the surface of the table and her face.

"You seemingly," came the irritated low snarl, "go back to sleep, you fool!"

He walked over to her and sat himself down at her side. So many things in Amanda were familiar, he knew how she would react. No mysteries, no guessing games. A directness that appealed to him. "Thinking, huh?"

"Yeah, and I think better on my own."

Jimmy chuckled. "May be, but you have a debt to pay."

"What the hell..."

"Shhh," Jimmy laid a hand over her lips, "don't wak'em up. If you and Lou had your peek yesterday, I have the right to hear your thoughts. God knows I've been thinking too."

Amanda giggled under his hand and he removed it, knowing the risk of a murdering quip was momentarily over.

He remain silent at her side, awaiting for her to steer the discussion.

She shook her head, the hair falling over her shoulders, shielding her face. "So? It was Lou watching Kid, Jimmy dear, you got it all wrong!"

The humor in her voice had Jimmy smile in the dark. "Oh, darn Amanda, here I was hopin'..."

"Oh shut up, Jimmy and tell me how the heck this happened instead. I have been going through the slots of their thought- surveillance and there's nothing, nothing that tells me it's not authentic. And still I know someone altered the thoughts, somehow. It's drivin' me crazy."

"No glitches, nothing?"

"Nope, there is no sign of where the signals were overridden, no indication at any stage. These signals come directly from their M-EA's."

Her eyes looked into his as the knowledge settled in on him. "Well, who was the physician that performed the installation?" He tried to find out a alternate source of betrayal.

"Four different ones Jimmy, and four different facilities. Thought of that." She smirked.

"Well did you check the manufacturer?"

"Different models, different manufacturers."

"And?" Jimmy asked, knowing Amanda held the answers already.

Silently she flicked a memo-slot on and the face of a man appeared on the wall.

Jimmy stared at the vision, not wanting to believe it. "It can't be," he said, "that would mean..."

"Yeah," Amanda nodded. "I know what it means, but he must be the one."

Jimmy threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side while looking at the face. If that was the man responsible for the mess, they truly were in big trouble. He held on to her, suddenly very aware of her body pressed to his. And the tension in it. Without reflecting he let his fingers gently massage the tense shoulders, his movements turning into tender strokes as she relaxed. "Amanda, we gotta do something about this."

She nodded and laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. Weariness on her beautiful features, a weariness he wanted to make go away.

They both remain silent. Pondering on the possible ramifications. Jimmy silently rubbing the tenseness out of her neck with his thumb.

She turned and threw him a grateful smile. "I know, but let's not tell the others yet, not until we know for sure." Her eyes looking into his, waiting for his consent.

Out of an impulse Jimmy leaned in to kiss her. Half expecting to get whacked over the head. Surprised at the eager response, he buried his fingers in her hair. She was probably joshing him, no, using him. Like they both needed this right now, needed the closeness. He knew a woman like Amanda would trample all over him if she wanted to. She was dangerous, she took if she wanted to and never looked back afterwards. Reminding him of another girl he loved and thought he knew. It was dangerous all right, he would have to be on his guard not to fall too fast and too deep. He'd have to remind himself that it was only a game, albeit a dangerous game. But right now he didn't care.

A small line of yellow appeared on the horizon, spreading over the sky. Pushing away the darkness.

"Com'on Jimmy," Amanda whispered with a low chuckle, "this is not the time or the place."

He smiled down at her, wondering if she realized how much he wanted her. "You're telling me there will be a time and a place?"

"Only if you behave," Amanda chuckled, "but I know you will. Go wake the others up, it's time to start getting this place back in order."

"I'll hold you to it," Jimmy promised before he rose to get the lazy ones on their feet.

 

 

One by one they stumbled into the kitchen area, rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. Moaning as they seated themselves and found out that their bodies were protesting from the lack of sleep and the night's contorted positions.

"Okay," Noah mumbled, "now it's official, we have sleep deprivation, we have slept around five hours the last night. Of course that's the ones without sore rumps." He smirked in Kid's direction, "and the ones trying to sleep in the same room as the latter."

"Oh yeah," Kid mumbled with a grimace as he too seated himself. "I heard distinct snores from the left lateral and I don't believe it was Rachel."

"The only one snoring is you Kid," Lou patted his shoulder as she walked by. "In fact, strangely enough, snores keep following me, every where I go there's snoring!"

"Somebody kept trying to push me out of the sofa, and made these funny little noises," Kid leered back, "wonder who?"

"Okay," Lou muttered, "let's drop the discussion, do we have any food?"

"Oh God yeas, please!" Cody moaned. "I dreamed about food last night, skillets full of bacon and the oven sighed in content when I opened it and found an apple-pie in it. I tell you, it was heaven, until I tried to sink my teeth into it and woke up."

"So it was you nibbling on the blanket?" Buck let out, "you're gettin' very goat-like, Cody."

Emma chuckled happily from the counter. "Boys, quit giving Billy a hard time. Sam, the fridge seems all right, I guess the solar-cells are functioning all right, but we still gotta check the cold fusion. And get some eggs!"

Everybody's eyes turned to the door.

"Who goes first and tells us, very delicately, how bad it is?" Teaspoon wondered out loud, letting his eyes wander over the group. He smiled as both Jimmy and Amanda rose to their feet.

 

 

"Oh-oh." Amanda let out with a low voice. Jimmy at her side, chewing pensively on his lower lip, a forlorn sigh escaping him at the sight.

The rest of the group gathered around them, watching the front yard. The formerly neat surroundings were completely transformed. There were branches all over the lawn, with the green leaves intact, it looked like miniature trees had started to grow during the night. Handled by some mad gardener having them framed with pieces of wood tangled into them. Like an installation of postmodern art. Even the sand of the platform had taken on a new dimension, it looked like it had been swept up and scattered all over the place.

The fencing was gone and the trees on the forest looked like someone had played scrabble with them.

"We need to get some fencing up," Kid spoke up, "the horses need..." He looked down on his shoes as Lou rolled her eyes in Buck's direction.

"The horses," she moaned demonstratively.

Buck laughed as Kid inched closer to Lou and nudged her with his elbow, muttering something. Obviously an apology. Lou grinned happily back at him. Managing to constantly push his buttons.

Teaspoon hid a crooked grin, stepping down off the porch, he turned and looked over the headquarters. Cody coming to stand at his side, the young man's mouth slightly open at the revelation of the damage in the morning light. They surely would have a full week ahead before Blue Creek. Eyeing Cody pensively, Teaspoon wondered how he best would get the young man into action.

Cody looked calmly back at him. "I promise to clean the front yard if I get some fresh eggs for breakfast, that's all I ask."

Teaspoon's eyes almost popped out. "Huh?"

"I'll take care of it all, you'll see. But first I need some motivation in form of a big juicy omelet that only Emma can provide." Flashing a smile to the woman, looking just as surprised as Teaspoon, he bobbed his head in a sign that he was serious.

"Cody, you sure you're ok?" Jimmy asked. "I mean, clearing the yard means - work, you know. Actual physical work!"

Cody merely glared in protest at the insinuation of his laziness.

"Maybe he's in some kind of shock?" Ike muttered.

"Well if he is, let's take advantage of it," Rachel put in, "go get them eggs and fast! I'll fire up the stove!"

Noah bowed to pick a twig from the ground, watching it for a while before turning to Rachel. "Well, you won't have any troubles starting fires around here with all this."

Lou chuckled happily. "You talking 'bout the wood or something else Noah? I've seen Rach lit a lotta fires, and without twigs too."

Noah was momentarily speechless, then his eyes twinkled and he leaned in to Lou. "You should know Lou, shouldn't you? My question is, what are you gonna do with the powder-keg you're sitting on? 'Coz the explosion that is likely, if the fuse ain't tended to, will take the whole house down."

"The fuse huh?" Amanda giggled. "Oh Noah, your analogies...."

"Shut up!" Lou glared at them both, angry at herself for getting into the game.

"C'mon Lou," Kid said and gripped her elbow, "let's go feed the animals."

He was smiling broadly when she looked at him, his eyes twinkling too. Shyly he tugged at her arm, looking away. "Please," he asked softly.

Lou felt her cheeks go hot, the damned man sure knew how to push her buttons!

He slid his hand down her arm and took her hand, causing her knees to wobble. Muttering she followed him to the barn, jumping over the branches. Vividly aware of his hand, she followed, and would do so to the end of the world if asked to. _Oh God_ , she thought in a sudden flash of repent. _I'm doing what I promised myself never to do. I'm losing myself completely! I'm becoming just like my mother, hung up on a man, begging for the smallest of things. But why the hell does it feel so right?_

 

"Noah, Noah, quit teasing 'em," Rachel chuckled as she pushed him back inside. "It's hard enough for 'em as it is."

He laughed and shook his head. "But Rach, that's just it. I can't understand why they make it so difficult? Despite the rules and all. I mean they're probably broken all the rules of no fraternization already so why not take it ...where they wanna take it? It's killing 'em, can't you tell?"

Rachel opened the kitchen drawer and placed an old-fashioned steel wire whip in his hand.

"As a matter of fact," Noah continued while getting a bowl. "I'm starting to think Lou's right. There's a love-bug on the loose. I mean look at Jimmy and Amanda. It's eerie really."

"Nah," Rachel retorted, crouching to lit the stove, smiling relieved as it actually worked. "It's just infatuation Noah, happens in new surroundings all the time. You know that people are more likely to fall in love under extreme situations like this. All the epinephrine raging an all that jazz."

"So cynical Rach," he smiled at her. "you saying it's just a chemical reaction? No poetry whatsoever?"

"You gotta have the right chemicals to make the reaction, Noah."

He leaned in over her shoulder, her hair brushing against his cheek. "I love it when you talk shop," he murmured to her. "And I have what it takes."

"Go away." She laughed and pushed him aside. "Concentrate on the breakfast instead of chemical reactions."

"You sayin' I ain't got what it takes?" he asked. Standing close to her, blocking her way.

"Some of us might be immune," she smiled at him, a rosy color on her cheeks.

"I'm hoping not," he admitted. "'Cause I sure ain't."

"Noah, we just can't....you know. We're monitoring the lot of them, let's keep focused on out task, shall we?"

"But their PEA levels are starting to affect me," he teased. "Can't seem to keep my thoughts straight any longer, they keep wandering, you know."

"Need a pill?" she laughed and ducked under his arm.

"I know you got what I need but a pill ain't it," he whispered to her while inching to the cupboard to get the breadbasket.

"You are bad, Noah," Rachel shook her head. "I'm starting to understand Lou, you sure rub it in. Watch out so it won't backfire."

"I just love teasing you all," he laughed, knowing he was the one making her blush, loving her for it. "But I'm serious, Rach, I really like..."

Cody burst in through the door, interrupting him.

Noah sighed and to his dismay, Rachel looked relieved. She reached for the basket of eggs in a hurry.

Cody had to hide a smile as he looked at the two of them.

"So," Cody started, watching the two scurry around in the kitchen, preparing the meal while he was put to whip the eggs for the omelet. "How do we get Lou and Kid to ...you know. It's starting to get to all of us it seems." He smiled wickedly at Rachel's glare. "I mean, she'll get mad if we tell her right out that we're leaving them back here on purpose. We gotta fool'em both. Make it seem perfectly innocent."

"I know," Noah chuckled. "If we force them into something, they'll both probably be too self-conscious to get anything cleared up." He walked purposefully close to Rachel on his way to get the skillet. "Just like someone else I know."

Cody decided to ignore them. "I really mean it guys, if we tell them to stay here, Lou'll get mad and our plan will fall flat on its face. And we will have to endure more of the tension and it'll kill us all. I promise."

"Why do I get the feeling you have a plan, Cody?" Rachel asked.

"Coz' I do," Cody leered handing Noah the whipped eggs. "We draw straws!"

Noah looked skeptically at him. "Securing the outcome scientifically?"

"Now listen up, both of you. You wanna go, I wanna go and we all wanna get Lou and Kid where they're dying to go. So here's what we do. We rig the draw, I'll keep Kid away coz' we can't control two of them at the same time. Rachel you draw for Kid and Noah you let Lou draw last, assuring she get the short one."

"Why make such a big deal out of it, Cody?" Noah moaned.

"Because sparks are gonna fly," Cody grinned. "And we won't be so obvious, she won't be able to get mad at us, coz' she truly lost."

"You're enjoying this ain't ya, Billy?" Rachel said, shaking her head at his exuberance. "Didn't know you were so melodramatic."

"Just think about it, it's gonna be hilarious. Spread the words, the middle stick is for Lou, just remember."

"When she finds out she's gonna kill you," Noah said.

"She's gonna thank me and name their firstborn after me," Cody snickered.

"If all the work we have to do won't kill 'im fist," Rachel pointed out. "Cody, instead of making all these grandiose plans to get Lou and Kid fooled, how about making plans for clearing the yard?"

"Ever heard of escapism?" Cody moaned. "Please, just let me have my fun while working my butt off."

 

 

Lou muttered all the way out to the barn, she didn't like the faces they made when she declined to draw straws and volunteered to stay instead. Something about them told her they knew all along she was gonna lose and be stuck here while the rest of them had their fun in Blue Creek. She wasn't going to give them that laugh.

Passing the corral, she watched Kid shoeing the mare, a shiver ran through her at the sight of him. He was standing bent over, the hoof between his legs, the mare nibbling contentedly at some grass. The foal curious, watching Kid's every move. His voice low and comforting when he spoke to it, calming it. Humor in his eyes as he watched the young colt. His hands moving with expertise. Lou suddenly had difficulties remembering where she was going.   
_Lou!_ she admonished herself, _you're here to work not to ogle bare chests!_

"Cody!" Lou hollered in the barn door. Not a sign of the man, "C'mon Billy, you can stop hidin', it's been decided."

There was a slight rumble from the empty stall furthest away. Lou steered her steps in that direction.

"Billy!" She had to giggle at his persistence. "Don't worry, me an' Kid's resting. You can go!"

The blond head appeared over the stall door, a content look on the face.

"I'm not kiddin' ya, really. You can go! Jimmy'll stay in town with Amanda. Me and Kid'll stay on the station. Go paint Blue Creek red. Get yourself ready, you're leaving in an hour."

Cody's face split into a wide grin. Lou expected him to come whopping and hoeing out of the stall. Instead he straightened his back and looked at her.

"Lou, I'm sorry. If you really wanna go I'll stay. For you, I will."

"Cody? You sick?" Lou had to ask because Cody seemed totally serious.

He opened the stall and stepped out. Laying an arm over her shoulders, he shook his head. "No, Lou. I think you should go. I mean, I don't think you should have to stay. I know you wanted to go. I mean - to finally have a chance to not be mucking out stalls and feeding hen, sweeping floors and doing all those things you do so well. Just be a perfectly normal woman, get dressed up and break a heart or two." He was slowly walking her towards the door. "It's been such a long time since any of us had the chance to have a good time, you deserve it."

"It's okay Cody," Lou mumbled, totally baffled.

"No Lou, you go! I'll stay with Kid and hold the forth. Coz' I know you've been dreading being left alone here with him!"

Lou glanced up at Cody's blank face, the suspicions growing in her.

"I'd really go if it was somebody else staying with you. But the Kid, oh lord! I mean, who knows what can happen! I mean you and him, all alone on a hot - yey!"

Cody took a leap forward when Lou stuck a finger in his ribs. "Cody," she warned.

He turned to watch her, smiling mischievously, blinking his left eye in an exaggerated flirting motion. "You sure Lou? I mean, can I be sure you log everything that happens? I mean everything! With pics and all!" Chuckling, he backed away from her when she crossed the arms over her chest and stared him down.

"I'll tell Teaspoon Kid can go instead of me, Lou." Smiling broadly at her, he leaned forward to catch her eyes as she looked down to the ground. "Oh, I know all the poor girls in Blue Creek will be missing out badly, but I'd stay so he can go. You'd love that, wouldn't ya, Lou?"

Lou silently inched towards the wall. Cody laughed out loud, catching the flush on her cheeks. "Oh Lou, you saw to it this happened, didn't you? You're just as crafty as Rachel. Gosh you women....oooh!.... Lou!"

Lou smiled wholeheartedly at him as he remain staring at her with an open mouth. The water dripping off him, making puddles around his feet. To be sure she had made her point, she threw the last of the water in the sink, at him.

"Billy, what ya gapin' about, you had dirt behind your ears that's all!"

Smiling seductively at him, she turned and walked out, trying to get out of there before she'd die of laughter.

Cody came clamping behind her through the door. "Uh Lou, tell you what, after I come back...prepare yourself for war. Just don't wear yourself out with the Kid...."

Dirt landed on his head. He ducked and started running as gravel hailed over him. Laughing, he took off for the house in long strides. Spotting Jimmy on the verandah, he flapped his arms while running. "Jimmy help! She's after me!"

"Hardly!" Jimmy snickered, grinning widely at Lou's wild chase.

She stopped at the sight of him. "And what are you laughing at?"

"Whoa Lou!" Jimmy raised both his hand. "Don't! I'm unarmed."

"All of you's got a foul mouth and a dirty imagination," Lou wheezed. "And to think I declined going for the lot of you! Yeah being nice to you guys really pays off splendidly!"

"Was that really the reason, Lulu?" Jimmy arched his eyebrows.

"Oh Jimmy!" Lou tilted her head and smiled angelically at him. "And why is it you suddenly have all this work back in Sweetwater?"

"Because I'm the protor and Amanda is the head of civil protection in the burgh," Jimmy winked. "See, at least I have a plausible reason." Seeing Lou blush slightly, he chuckled. "I'll be riding out now Lou, and I won't be back until late tomorrow. Just in case you wanted to know. But if the two of you need help, just call me!"

Circling her, he threw her a knowing smile, stopping as her brown eyes looked pleadingly at him. "What, Lou?"

"It's not funny, Jimmy!"

"Huh?"

"It's just not funny!" Her stance had changed and she walked right past him, suddenly seeming tense and irritated.

Jimmy took two longs steps to reach her side. "Lou wait! I didn't mean anything by it. It's just...well it's so evident and still...." He fell silent and watched her cautiously, not knowing exactly how to put it. "I mean, it's just like Buck said, you outta get it outta your systems."

"Jimmy, just leave us alone, please. I'll saddle Sundancer for ya, just please - let it go."

"Lou," Jimmy hummed, "I'm sorry. I really am, never intended to meddle."

"It's hard enough as it is, Jimmy. Hearing you all talkin' an joshin' about us. I don't think Kid enjoys it and I certainly don't."

"Lou," Jimmy stepped up to her side, taking a hold of her wrist and slowing her pace. "He's never gonna make the first move, Lou. Believe me, I know him. And it's not because of you, Lou, if you weren't that important to him, he might have made a move. The longer he fights you, the deeper -," Jimmy paused, uncomfortable about speaking for the Kid, but it still needed to be said. "Just so you know."

Lou turned to him, anger flaring in her eyes. "Jimmy, listen. You all make this out to be some big circus event, with me and Kid as the clowns. We're both here to do our jobs. It's that simple. Whether Kid is here or not is the same for me. I really don't care. I don't need any of you messin' up my life! Go saddle your own damned horse!"

She turned on her heels as she spit the last words out. Jimmy shook his head, watching her until she disappeared inside. They'd both probably burst if they kept on like this, making everything so damned difficult. "Just get it done, you two!" he groaned, knowing she was well out of hearing range.

 

 

They stood in a ring around the station manager, feigning to listen to him. Teaspoon was in a talkative mood today and had been going on his lectures for about half an hour already. The ASA humming, waiting for them to board. But Teaspoon just wasn't ready yet, he just had to torment them all with a last minute speech.

Lou looked over the plain, wishing they would all be off already, she longed for some peace and quiet. Some time to think. Teaspoon's voice broke through her thoughts.

"You listening, Lou?"

"Uhm? Yeah..sure."

"Of course," Teaspoon chuckled, "I was just telling the two of you I'll be leaving this place in your tender care and please let me find it still standing when we return."

Kid muttered.

"Well son," Teaspoon admonished, "it's not like I don't trust you or anything..it's just that...well ..." The man let his eyes wander between the two of them, pensively. "Just don't forget to feed the animals in between."

"What?" Lou snapped. "I've never forgotten..."

Teaspoon threw her a crooked grin. "Well, I guess you'll be just fine. And don't forget to shoe them horses Kid, should'a been done yesterday! Come to think of it, a lotta things should'a been done yesterday, huh?" He locked gaze with the man he was addressing. Kid just nodded, looking like he wanted to slide to hide under the ground. Lou peered at him, very conscious of the subtle innuendos. Moaning inwardly at the discussion and at her stupid decision to remain at the station.

"Have a nice time y'all!" She had to stop it here and now and divert their thoughts and dirty minds. "Rachel please, keep an eye on the males, ya know how they get when let loose. Just get going!"

Noah peered at her and smiled, opening his mouth to say something but Rachel intervened.

"Yeah Lou, we'll be going and leaving the playground for the two of you. Just play nice." Dragging Noah behind her, she proceeded to the vessel, her shoulders shaking of withheld laughter.

Lou wheezed.

Ike started whistling a tune and Lou was about to explode. "Get going you fools!"

Kid was surveying the ground at his feet intently. She'd have no help from him.

Teaspoon shut the door behind the last to enter, casting a last wink in their direction.

"I'll kill them," Lou grunted. "I'll feather and tar them! I'll tie them behind Lightning and drag them around Sweetwater. I'll pull their teeth one by one, very slowly, I'll...."

A chuckle from behind her had her draw her breath.

"Lou, they're just..."

His hand on the small of her back made her swirl around to watch him. Still angry at him for shutting up when she needed his help in defending their virtue.

"...under stimulated or something," he continued as her glare fell on him.

"We've been duped you fool," she spat out.

"I'm not complaining," he murmured close to her ear. "I'll enjoy the peace and quiet."

The peace and quiet, the peace and quiet? She glared at him, not believing her ears. He was probably planning on just that, a couple of leisurely days. Spent tending to the horses probably. The ASA hummed and rose behind her. She looked disbelievingly at him, his smile as he stood before her, obviously not understanding anything. Not knowing she had watched him before, while he was shoeing the mare. The shirt tied around his hips, the muscles flexing, the tanned skin driving her out of her mind. Somehow she had kept drifting to the same place, over and over again. Watching him. To then make her storm inside to try and get the calculations done. Not succeeding, driving her back outside pacing the yard. Doing odd stuff here and there, her mind on one thing alone, him. And he calmly went on doing his things, tending to the horses. Checking the feed, she actually heard him talk to the hen too. He was friendly to everyone, to her too. And it just wasn't enough for her. She needed more than that. She needed it all and she hated herself for that need. He deemed totally unmoved by anything. Calm and confident, callous, not minding that she was going out of her mind. It drove her beyond mad.

His hand came to rest on the small of her back again, making her toes curl and her heart to gallop.

"Lou, I'll just go finish my work and then I have a surprise for you."

His voice near her ear, so close she had to bite down on her lip not to tun and slide her arms around his waist. Beg him to touch her. The anger in her grew, she was mad at herself for letting him get to her like this.

"Surprise?" She asked, her voice oddly hoarse.

"Uh huh."

"Like what?" she muttered, "another lesson in being duped?"

He laughed and she felt mortified. Wondering if he knew the reasons for her words.

"You'll love this surprise Lou, I promise."

He walked her to the house, his hand hot on her back, sliding innocently to lie around her waist. She could have screamed. Hot and tingly she walked at his side, doing her damnedest to stay cool and not let him know she was at the point of falling to her knees and begging him. _No that's not right, I'm on the point of ripping his clothes off and attacking him. I'm out of my mind. I'm a sick person!  
_  
He opened the door for her. "I promise," he smiled and shut the door on her.

Lou rested her burning forehead on the door frame and tried to regulate her breathing. "Promises, promises," she muttered angrily. "I don't need your damned promises you thickheaded fool, I need you!"

Angrily she made her way to take a cold shower. The heat was making her think all kinds of crazy things. Seemed like a thunderstorm was approaching, the hotness was damp and sticky. Adding to her irritation. Her thoughts swirled back to the faces of them all as she volunteered to stay. The twinkle in Noah's eyes and Rachel's surprise. Ike and Buck's snickers and Jimmy's smile. Amanda's coy look. Were they all in on it? Was this all intentional? Some kind of test? She wouldn't put HuRec below that, torment Lou till she goes nuts? How much can a woman survive?


	20. Chapter 20

The shower cooled her senses, she let the cold water rinse her free from the desire raving in her body. Why did just watching him make her react this way, become this un-concentrated mess? The two of them alone, was it a plan? Was it intentional, part of a test? But then she had really volunteered, so maybe she was just letting her imagination run wild. Who was she fooling, nothing was gonna happen, never would. He just wasn't interested in her like that.

Remembering Teaspoon's face as he told them they'd be all taking of and leaving the place in hers and Kid's tender care she shrugged. He had actually used the term 'tender care'. Words Lou had never thought would come out of Teaspoon's mouth. Was she that obvious? It was all Kid's fault anyways, he did not have to walk with the loose shirt tied around the firm hips. There was absolutely no need for him to let his hand rest on the small of her back as they walked back to the house. He didn't need to talk to her in that low vibrating voice, heightening her senses to a fever pitch. She wouldn't stand this for long, hell even the cold shower had her thinking of him. His body moving with hers in slow motion.

Angrily she switched the water off and remain looking down her body as the water dripped off her. Her body was so ready for him it actually shivered at the sound of his voice. It wasn't enough with dreaming any longer and touching herself only brought momentary relief. She needed him, it should be so very easy. Him and her, glued together, moving each other to the peak. She had all these pictures in her mind that kept popping up at the most unexpected instances, breaking her concentration, fueling her wild imagination.

Covering herself in the soft towel, she imagined his hands on her, soothing and arousing. "Oh, I hope to God he suffers too!!" She moaned to the towel and dried her face, helplessly trying to steer her thoughts away from the man outside. Tending to the horses, not to her. To the horses!

Slipping into the loose shirt, she ad a face to herself. She had work waiting to be done, work that should have been done two days ago. Findings to list, mutations to decipher. Forcing herself to think of the work at hand, she slid back into the denim shorts and walked to the recreation room. The only room that seemed cool enough to work in. She'd forget about him and do her work, nothing would happen. He just didn't like her that way. She had to accept that fact, maybe not having the feeling he didn't even realize what he did to her? Maybe he had never made love so he didn't know how to? Maybe carnal knowledge didn't interest him, maybe there was something wrong with him after all? Maybe he really was a monk? So why did her body bother to react acutely around him?

She found herself sitting on the couch, glaring at the instrument in her hand, trying to make sense out of the numbers that flashed before her eyes while visions of tanned arms penetrated into her mind.

"I need medication," Lou groaned and flicked the EA on.

 

 

"Lou?" he asked when he strode in.

"Workin'," she informed him irritably. Finally having gotten her senses back, she had immersed herself in the analysis of the data. Not giving him any thought.

He said nothing and she could hear him open the fridge door and clatter with something. To then take the stairs in fast strides. He was gone before she had a chance to react. "Oh hi yourself", she muttered, "up to drown yourself in some veterinary issue? Why the hell do I even care?"

She continued comparing the database and the new data, absorbed by the multitude, the irritation making her more concentrated. More accurate. Maybe there was something good about sexual frustration after all?

She had no idea how long she had been going at it, the numbers flicking fast before her eyes, the quick movements making her senses ready to react on the cues as they rapidly altered, rapidly enough to demand all her attention.

"I got something for you."

Surprised she turned to watch him standing in the doorway. Damp from a shower. The shirt not buttoned, hanging loosely around him. Barefoot and smiling, he stood at the door.

"Take a break, Lou."

She just looked at him, unwilling to stop when she was doing so well. But as always, his voice penetrated all other stimuli in the surroundings, calling her attention, like a bell for the Pavlovian dogs.

Walking up to her with a smile, he crouched before her where she sat on the couch. "I want you to close your eyes, Lou."

"Huh?"

He held one hand cupped and she couldn't see what was in it. The other resting on her thigh. The heat giving her goosebumps.

"Just close your eyes, I'll let you taste something few people have tasted in their lives."

 _Oh yeah, kiss me, take me, do anything with me, just let me have a taste of you!_ Her thoughts immediately sank to the level of pure lust and craving. But instead of begging him, she obediently closed her eyes. His hand left her thigh and she almost cursed. Then she felt something between her lips and the sweet smell had her open her eyes.

"No peekin'" Kid chuckled, "just taste it."

She looked into his cupped hand. Wild strawberries, warmed by the sun and his hand. She opened her mouth and let him feed her with the berries. The sweet taste of the wild unbridled nature filling her senses. She tasted the offerings with eyes half closed. "Oh God, Kid, I've never tasted anything like this before."

"The first sweet wild strawberries. Told'ya you'd like the surprise, I'll show you where to find them. You'll have more later on." His hand had sunken back to her thigh and he lifted the hand with the berries left, closer to her. Offering them to her. She gripped his wrist and took the gathered berries with her lips, touching his palm as she did. Kid's breath quickened and she chased the last berry with the tip of her tongue. Across his palm to the crease of his index and long finger. Then she stopped and looked at him.

"Did you taste them? Or are you givin' 'em all to me?"

His eyes were darkened, his gaze on her. Picking the last berry from his palm, she fed him with it. Her fingertips resting on the soft lips, waiting. Nervously she wet her own lips, not able to distract her gaze from him. The memories of their first kiss raging in her.

"Lou," he whispered as he rose to stand on his knees before her and pulled her into his lap. Slowly. His gaze on hers, deep blue meeting smoldering brown, like negative and positive attracting each other due to natural law. His hand on the small of her back, the heat radiating through her thin shirt when he moved her closer to him. Her hands fell from his lips to grab the collar of his shirt, to then entwine around him. His lips on hers, soft but demanding, wanting more and needing to know if she wanted to give him what he was asking for. There was not a clear thought in her mind as she answered the kiss, expressing all the longing she had nurtured, the months of need bottled up deep inside her finally finding an outlet. Finally stilling the dream.

They found themselves on the floor, his hands under her shirt. Exploring her and arousing her further. The palms of her hands wandering on his strong back, fingers exploring him, pressing him to her as his lips and hands ignited fires throughout her and heightened her senses to overload. Lips tracing his hot skin, suckling it, always wanting more. She moaned when his lips softly trailed her neck, from the ear to the collarbone, his hands on her hips wandering down under the waistband of her shorts. Lifting her hips, she helped him pull them off while her own fingers started working on his pant's button.

Finally getting her completely naked before him, he sat up and looked down her body, fingers following his gaze and lips caressing her as he explored her fully. Lou still fought his shirt and grunted when he withdrew from her, her skin still longing for his heat. He kissed her from her knees to her lips, licking her erect nipples on the way up, letting his tongue gently roll to then close his lips around her hardened ripeness. Making her squirm under him while he suckled gently, sending the quivering thundering through her, his hands now in her hair. Kissing her close to the brink, his erection teasing her thigh. While his hands alternated between soft and demanding caresses, she moaned his name and pulled his face to the crook of her neck. She wanted him close, close enough to enter her completely. Moans left her lips as she ground her hips to his, desperate for him to finally enter her.

His lips pressed to the sensitive area under her ear, he groaned her name; "Lou..." Sending the vibrations of his voice right through her.

"Fuck me," she whined.

"No sweetie, I won't 'fuck' you."

"Oh God, Kid, you can't do this to me!" Unbelieving she felt the weight of his body leave her and she cracked her eyes open. There was no way in hell he would get away with this. He bowed to kiss her abdomen and her hips rose to his lips. He just couldn't take her to this point and then leave! Entwining her hands in his curls, she gazed into his eyes, wanting to know if it was possible to misread another human being to this extent? What was he trying to do to her? His eyes half closed, his lips opened and he scooted over and leaned in to kiss her once more. She sobbed, totally bewildered, why was he doing this to her?

"I'll make love to you," he moaned close to her lips, "there's a difference, Lou." Tracing her lips with the tip of his tongue before he kissed her fully. She had to close her eyes as his tongue chastely danced with hers, to then become more intense and exploring. The soft velvety touch of him having her moan, sensing his passion mingle with her own. The kiss again bringing her close to the peak, so close she had to hold back. Then she did what she never had done before in her life and never thought she'd do. She begged a man to take her. Kid pushed his knee between her legs and shifted part of his weight onto her. Locking gaze with hers, he pushed himself slightly inside of her. Just to open her for him. Her eyes closed and she threw her head back to be able to push up to him. She felt the spasm beginning at her center and answered his slow push, taking more of him inside. He stopped pushing and she whined, her hips searching for him to enter her fully. Holding her breath as he finally slowly merged with her, expanding her bit by bit. Not yet fully inside, he rubbed up against her, a deep abandoned growl escaping him. That was all it took, and the spasm was almost painful as it came to claim her. Her heartbeat rising, she had to hold her breath and cling to him as her body tensed while every muscle in her reacted to him inside of her.

"That's right girl, come for me," he whispered into her ear and she continued contracting while he thrust his full length inside her. Stretching her to the edge of discomfort, making her gasp for air at the intensity of the shivers running through her as she came. He continued soothing her burning need with slow thrusts as it exploded fulfilled around him and she screamed with her head tilted back.

 

 

"You okay, honey?" He asked with his lips moving against the tender skin on her shoulder. Waiting for her, watching her face intently as she slowly emerged from the aftermath of the orgasm. Her eyes half-closed, her vision blurred, she looked back at him, catching his eyes as he still moved inside of her, deliciously slow, not even fully inside. Her hips jerked at the sensation, needing more of him inside. He smiled at her, kissing her front. "Want me to take it slower?" His voice a rumble of withheld passion as he spoke.

"No," she panted, "no Kid, just fuck me."

He chuckled and stilled his movements, to almost nonexistent, gazing into her eyes, he shook his head at her expression. Lou reached down to grab him and push him further inside her. Turning him to land fully on top of her, she started to move her hips again, her hunger still burning. Resting on his elbows, he started thrusting deep inside her. Their bodies meeting rhythmically. His hands in her hair and lips nibbling her neck, ear and lips. Whispered words of passion. With languid slow strokes he loved her and Lou realized what he meant. There was no hurry, no rush for completion. He made love to her, giving his desire to her, needing to feel hers for him. Tenderness. Love. Passion. Nobody had given all that to her before, all at once, in every stroke. And she reveled in the love in his eyes as she looked into the deepening blue, captured by his gaze and the need within.

Her eyes brimmed with tears at his gentle lovemaking, a steady rhythm that slowly increased her desire until she again curved her back and whined. Bringing her to the plateau and holding her there, securely, the brink just a heartbeat away. Never before had she been with somebody she wanted to give everything to, she didn't need to have him any longer. Now she wanted to give him. All that he gave her. Her hands running down along his flanks, resting for a while on the thrusting hips, a moan escaping her as he shuddered under her hands. His masculine scent enveloping her, sending her legs trembling. Her arms encircled his trim waist and she buried her nose in his hair, keeping his face to hers as she kissed him wetly. Her hands wandering to touch every part of his body when their lips locked into the wild kiss.

"Kid," she groaned as he moaned into her mouth and broke the kiss. His thrusts getting deeper and more rapid, penetrating her fully. Her lips nibbling at his torso, answering his soft sounds of love. The palms of her feet caressing his calves, in rhythm with her hips' movements. She was unbearably close and had to close her eyes. Her breath coming in shuddering gasps for air, the tension in her body making her answer his thrusts with breathless sounds of ecstasy. Her fingers hungrily clasping his hips. She would come if she looked at him and now it was more important that he came with her. That he released inside of her. When his movements got slower and harder and his muscles tensed as he neared the peak, she squeezed hard around him, fully knowing it would make her come right away.

"Oh God, Lou." His hot breath on her ear and his hands grabbing her buttocks, thrusts deep inside her to reach the bottom of both their craving.

She released around him with a long lingering whimper. Her body jerking as the orgasm rushed through her in forceful waves of quivering completion. Rejoicing in his eruptions inside of her. Answering her spasms at the exact 0,8 seconds rhythm, he continued pushing into her with a low groan at the release of the pressure inside him. Mumbling he pulled her onto him and turned with her nestled in his arms, collapsing to the floor. The blood pumping in him blinding him momentarily.

Lou lay her head on the heaving chest and enjoyed his completion as much as her own. Fingers entwining in his hair as she lay on top of him, still reeling from the emotions he sent rushing through her, the orgasm still echoing in her, like soft whispers of the storm. Moaning as one last wave ripped through her. The intensity of her own feelings scaring her at first, then turning to a warmth spreading throughout her as Kid's hands settled on her back and he hugged her close to him and buried his face in her hair. A long shivering exhale escaping him, filled with amazement and wonder.

Lou smiled against the soft curls on his chest, tenderness invading her as she relaxed fully on top of him. Burying her nose in the crook of his neck.

"I see what you mean," she told him after she found her breath. She had fantasized about this for so long, day-dreaming about the two of them, making wild passionate love. But now she realized the reality was much more than she ever had dreamed about. So much more involved. He was there under her, his chest heaving, his breath fanning her hair, the sound of his raspy breath, all mingling into her mind at once, demanding her full attention. Rapturing her within.

Kid kissed the top of her head, not able to speak just yet.

She wanted to stay here forever, resting on him, touching and smelling him. That scent that touched her so deeply, forcing her to bury her nose in the hollow of his neck and breathe him in. The most powerful aphrodisiac in the world, the scent of someone you love. This was so very different from anything she had experienced before. Having him hadn't sated her like she thought it would. It made her crave more of him, it made her crave his soul too. And her need scared her, it should be easy - just a sexual act, nothing to it. But there was something else, something so big, yet fragile, it took her breath away. _This must be what all them books talk about! But is it real?_ She raised her head from his neck and looked at him.

"Oh God! Kid, where do we go from here?"

"How about your bed?" He smiled at her, his breath still uneven. His index finger following the lines of her ear.

She had to laugh at his wisecrack, giggling softly, she sank back onto him, shaking her head. "No Kid, I mean..."

"I know Lou," he hummed and rose to a sitting position, arranging her to sit in his lap. Her thighs around his hips as he pulled his knees up and rested her to sit entwining him. "We'll have to tell them now Lou, I love you and I don't wanna hide it any longer. I can't hide it any longer, I don't care what happens. I want to be with you."

"Kid, we just...." She had to stop and chuckle anew as he threw her a warning glance. "We made love...nobody needs to know. It doesn't have to mean that all this will be over with. It doesn't necessarily have to change anything."

Kid cupped her face into his hands, leaning toward her, he made her rest up against his thighs. "Lou sweetie, this changed everything for me. 'It' means a lot to me, it's not just something I do for leisurely activity. I made love with you Lou, sweet incredible love, and that changes everything. It changes who you and I are, it changes who I am. I love you, Lou and I want to tell the world about it."

Her heart stopped at his declaration of love. Searching his eyes, she read the sincerity in the deep blue. The depth of his feeling shining through. Her hands rested on his chest, following the outlines of the muscles. "I want you Kid, I wanted from the first day I think. Can we just wait for a while? Kind of warm them up to the knowledge? Not to shock them."

"Sweetie, I don't think there's anybody who hasn't seen it already. You know that lust can be picked in a simple test. I think they know already."

"Lust, Kid," she smiled back at him, "not love. I don't think they care if attraction occurs, it's the love part that goes against the contract. You shouldn't be saying things like that. You know, 'treat everybody equal' and so on. Let's just wait a while and see what happens, promise?"

"You're gonna kill me, Lou. I don't know if I can do this again, all this waiting. I wanna sleep with you and wake up with you. Don't feel like sneaking around and hiding. I want to be able to take your hand and walk through town, letting everybody see that we belong."

"Just for a while," she leaned in to kiss his lips, blowing hot air on them, glancing up at him before she opened hers and stuck her tongue out to meet with his. Kid moaned as their tongues met. Lou let her fingers caress his still erect nipples. Lust shooting right through her at the sensation of him. Then she closed her eyes to savor the kiss. It instantly awakened the quivering inside her, the bottomless craving she felt for him, the heat building within her again. Kissing until her juices wet his thighs and his erection pulsated against her buttocks. Whimpering softly, she withdrew from his lips. "We have to do something about this," she whined.

"Your bed or mine?" Kid grunted in her ear.

 

 

She woke at the first light. Immediately realizing she was alone in the bed. It felt wrong. "Kid?" she called out into the room, but she knew from the instance she woke that he was no longer there. She stretched her body out to cover the bed, smiling as her body reminded her of the intense night it had been through. The raindrops clattered against the window, the darkness lingering in the air. There had been a storm both outside and in her last night. Emotions she had never truly explored before had been awakened in her. It was so different from anything she had experienced before, his body answering her call, hers answering his. Where could he be? She still needed him. Closing her eyes to remember him her body reacted instantaneously and she moaned. Recalling the vision of his strong lean body reacting to her, she shuddered. "Oh God," she whispered as the tension begun to build at the simple act of a thought crossing her mind. The door closed downstairs and she jerked into a sitting position. Then the sound of his footsteps on the stairs calmed her. Sinking back to the bed, she waited for him. Smiling she watched as he opened the door and tried to sneak in without waking her. Shedding his wet clothes as he approached the bed. A tenderness took over while she watched him. She extended a hand to lay it on his back as he seated himself on the edge of the bed and struggled to get the pants off. "Where were you?"

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" He asked as he turned to her. "Didn't mean to."

Reaching out for him, she pouted her lips, "you leaving me woke me up." Realizing how cold and wet he was spurred her into action. "Oh God Kid, you're cold! Get under the covers. Went to feed the animals?"

He nodded and obediently let her cover him.

"And you didn't wake me? I should'a been with you!"

"In this weather? Didn't want you to catch a cold."

"And what about you? God, your hair is all wet!"

"Trusted you to warm me up."

She smiled at him as she covered him up and nested her legs and arms around him to share her warmth with him. "Got that one right."

Kissing his exposed shoulder, she hugged him close. The need to protect him surprising her. She still couldn't get used to the strong emotions he stirred up in her. Emotions she never knew she had in her surfacing while with him.

He eased her onto him. "I'll get warmer sooner if you kiss me," he teased. His eyes glittering, the color darkening.

"Afraid to overheat you," she shot back.

He laughed softly and she rested her head on his chest and joined in his chuckle. Loving the effect she had on him.

"You know you already did that, Louise," he chuckled, kissing her ear. "I'm far past overheated already. Any remedy?"

Silently she raised her head to place kisses down his chest. She would never get enough of him and she knew he knew it. Biting him softly as she trailed down, she smiled at his hands finding her hips. Listening to his quickening breath, she continued down his chest and kissed him till his hips rose reflexively. She lifted her eyes to watch him, his eyes searching for hers. A soft smile on the lips, the heat back in his eyes. For a moment she drowned in his eyes, stilling herself to look into his soul. The intensity having her shiver, this man was different, he was not easy to either fool or play around with. He knew what he wanted and he had claimed her. Not by any coercive actions, just by looking into her eyes. By asking her to be his. He didn't just see her naked body, he was looking at her naked soul. "Kid, " she moaned scooting up to him to let their lips meet. Pausing before losing herself into him again, she answered the question. "I'm your remedy."

"I know," Kid answered softly, nuzzling her nose.

Their lips met softly at first. Soft as the morning dew. Then it deepened and grew, like the storm outside, relentlessly dragging them into the thunderous beating of hearts in consuming passion.

This time Lou concentrated on fully exploring the man who had her heart beating wildly, touching him till he glowed under her caresses. Transmitting the fire to her, making her shiver breathlessly, needing him, heart swelling with love for him. Prolonging the suspense until she couldn't take it any longer and sank onto him. Taking him with her to the brink. Flashes shooting through her as she came, calling his name, having him follow her blindly.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RDC - Remote domestic control

Rain clattered on the roof, the storm subsiding slowly. Soft puffs of air keeping him awake, wide awake. Afraid to breathe not to disturb the peace, afraid to move not to have her wake up and move away. He loved the puffs of air toward his skin, he loved the weight of her small form on his chest. The contour of an ear pressed to his shoulder, the silky hair moving as he blew softly on it. Just to see it glimmer in the soft light, just to reassure himself he wasn't dreaming. He had dreamed of holding her like this so long he just wasn't entirely sure he wasn't making it all up in his mind. So he kept looking at her in his hold, seeing the smallest of things in her. One tiny ear, barely covered by the chestnut silk. The line of her back under the cover, his hand softly stroking it, trying not to wake her but desperate to touch her.

She moved with a soft sound, repositioning herself, the puffs of air disappearing. _Don't go, please don't go,_ he begged her silently. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, a content sigh leaving her. The puffs of air returning. He took it all in, her, this moment in life, a treasure he was going to remember the rest of his living days, a wish come true.

 _I love you Lou_ , he thought closing his eyes, _so help us God, I love you._

"Ged somm hmm-mmh."

"What?" He opened his eyes and looked down on her, trying to figure out what she was saying. Her nose pressed to his skin, the mumbled words tickling him sensually.

Moving her head slightly to articulate herself better, he felt her smile; "I said get some sleep dammit."

Her fingers entwining in his hair, sending shivers of pleasure down his spine, the need to hold her making his voice hoarse. "Cursing me already," he murmured, finally daring to move and look at her face.

The browns very sleepy as they focused on him. The content drowsiness made his heart leap and he had to kiss the tip of her nose.

"We have about two hours before we have to get back out and feed them animals again." She turned her face back to the crook of his neck and moaned.

Loving the way she sought his warmth, he cradled her closer. "I know," he said soothingly, "I'll go, don't worry."

She muttered again, in obvious protest and moved slightly till she found a restful position. Her head resting on his chest, her fingers in his hair, taking a tight grip. Like a wordless call for him. The tanned slender arm embracing him.

He held his breath for a moment.

Titling his head, he was able to look at her, the line of her cheek and the long eyelashes falling down to rest against the skin. Such a beautiful sight, a sight that made his heart surge. He had never expected this to happen when he bribed Cody to find a way to make Lou stay on the station. Alone with him. Wanted it to, but not really daring to hope for it. Not like this.

He had to smile at the thought that she had fooled him. Volunteering like that had made his promise to Cody cost him two working days for nothing. And he owed Jimmy two early morning feeds too. And then she went and fooled them all like that. Still to this moment, he didn't know if what happened had been intentional? Had she wanted it as much as he had? Still did? She seemed so angry when they took off, cursed them, casting murdering glances in the vessel's direction. Right there and then, he thought she'd scream at him to stop it, tell him to get lost and stop bothering her. And all he wanted was spend a day alone with her, just him and her. He wanted to make her dinner, tell her silly things and make her laugh. Watch her while she worked, never getting enough of her. Finally being able to look at her without having to be cautious, without having to mind the others. He wanted to take her to the swimming hole he just had found. He wanted her to taste the strawberries.

But then, when her eyes met with his the thoughts were all gone. The brown orbs held a call he responded to, a call that seemed so familiar. Natural. When she looked into his eyes it seemed like the longing was centuries old, like it had always been there, just waiting for the right moment. Looking into the steady ever burning fire in her eyes, he knew he had found his match, his longing was hers. It had always been there - the call must have been there before they even were born. Just waiting for them to find each other. There was no way to explain what he felt in that moment, he had never felt it before. Not that he could remember, and still he had known he would feel it, the moment she stepped out of that ASA that first day, he knew. Even if he tried to fight it, he had known then that he'd have to give in. Loving her from a distance had seemed easy back then, easy and safe.

And now, lying here with her in his hold, it felt close to unreal. What had passed between them etched into his mind, her every move and every word. The look in her eyes when she called out his name, having his heart almost stop at the beauty of her joy as she trembled in his arms. An emotion so strong it was painful, it scared him to death. He had never wanted it to stop, he tried to hold back to be able to make love to her the whole night through, his whole life, touch her forever more. And still he was unable to hold back. When her eyes got hazy and dark there was no other option than to join her, the sensation taking his breath away, taking his strength, driving tears to his eyes. The need for her growing stronger every time they touched. He loved her more than he had ever loved anyone before and he didn't know how to handle it. There were no words to explain it, no ways to describe it. She ran in his blood, a part of him he had finally found. That part he thought he would have to live without. And that was the scary notion, having found it brought forth a fear of losing it.

He held on to her, listening to her breathing. _Please don't let anything happen to her, please not again. Not to her! She's the one I've been waiting for, oh God just keep her safe. I won't let anything happen to her, I'll do anything not to have that happen. I'm not asking for that much, just please let her be mine. I want her to be mine._

"What's wrong Kid?"

Opening his eyes, he watched her scoot up to rest on her elbows, framing his face in her hands. He kissed the palm at his reach. "Nothing's wrong, Lou."

"Oh God," she moaned forlornly.

"What?" He had to smile at the face she made.

"You're thinking again, ain't ya?"

He chuckled at the sound of her voice. She sounded like thinking was a mortal sin. "I'm sorry hon, I'll stop, right away, okay?"

"What I wanna know is what you're thinking. You have this way of shutting me out completely sometimes. You regretting it already?"

Her face showed genuine concern and he reflexively pulled her closer. "I was thinking how wonderful it feels having you close like this, that's what I was thinking. I swear."

"Liar," she said, "those thoughts weren't happy thoughts, Kid. I felt it."

Looking at her, he realized she truly had the key to his thoughts, even without the EA. She read him all right and he'd have to tell her, eventually. She'd have to know what kind of a man he was. "I'm just scared." He mumbled, tracing the lines of her face with his thumb. Not daring to meet with her inquiring eyes.

"Scared?"

"Yeah," he admitted, watching her lips move as she spoke. Wanting to kiss her. "I'm scared I'll somehow lose you, or even worse - hurt you somehow. I'm scared it'll end."

"Everything ends, sweetie," she told him, her lips forming a smile. "And you won't hurt me, I know. Me on the other hand...." A wicked grin on her face as she moved closer to him, her breath fanning his lips.

He laughed as her teeth nibbled his neck teasingly before she truly bit him. "Ouch," he let out, "you little..."

"Told you," she whispered in his ear, "and if you don't behave, you'll have to make breakfast."

She climbed off him so fast he had no time to stop her. "Well, I was planning to make you breakfast anyhow," he mumbled when she slid out of his reach, rummaging around the floor for her clothes.

Stopping in her search just to frown at him; "Hell Kid, don't go ruining a perfect day. I tell you, you got a lotta good sides but cooking ain't one of them."

"Bite me," he pouted, hurt at the factual tone of her voice.

She laughed and leaned in on him, forcing him down onto his back again. Kissing him tenderly, having him search for her all over again, wanting her back in bed with him.   
"Anytime dude," she promised before she was up and on her way out of the room. Leaving him there, heart fluttering. Following her with his eyes, breathless.

"You comin'?" She turned at the doorstep, watching him expectantly.

Without a word he rose and walked up to her, entwining his arm around her waist, lifting her up to meet him face to face. Looking at her, ready to perform her every wish. Her quick intake of breath had him register the flash of fear running through her. He held on, wondering. Then she relaxed and let the clothes fall to the floor, the hands coming up around his neck. Meeting with her now serene gaze, he assured her; "I wasn't gonna drop you, love."

She laughed and pulled his face to hers; "I know that. You just surprised me, that's all. We really gotta get goin' Kid, there's no time for this, really." Her arms wrapped around him, the low purr in her voice contradicting her words.

He said nothing but let his lips play with the soft skin on her shoulders, working himself back up to her lips. Pausing as he caught the fire in her eyes again, the essence of her. Not able to help himself, yet again, he leaned in to kiss her, tasting her fire.

"Oh Kid," she whispered when her arms wrapped him tighter into her hold.

He smiled.

 

 

Jimmy watched the street in the morning light. The night's storm was finally fading and the sun was emerging at the horizon. Dark clouds dissipating. An occasional wanderer crossing the street. Sweetwater seemed so different with all the people moving in, it started to remind him of the cupolas. People everywhere, new settlers all over the place. Light in windows that had been dark for a long time, reminding him that nothing ever stayed the same. He had grown accustomed to the loneliness out here, he longed for the loneliness. But he looked forward to taking Amanda out for a drink too.

And those two back at the station! Damn you, put your EA's on already. Calling out for Lou, he still didn't get any answer, so he once again checked the RDC, finding everything perfectly normal. Except no one was answering his calls.

"Jimmy?"

He turned to watch her walk out of the shower, grinning at her sheepishly.

"Still no answer?"

"No," he shook his head. "I sure hope they're all right."

"Why wouldn't they be?" Her eyes twinkling at him, a small smile on her lips. "You jealous, Jimmy?"

"What?" He walked over to sit at her side, watching her fight the coverall. "What are you talking about?"

"Lou," she said, never looking at him. "I have the feeling I'm the substitute for someone, perhaps Lou?"

Perplexed he looked at her, "what the hell are you talkin' about?"

"Nothing Jimmy, nothing at all. As I told you yesterday, no strings attached. Forget it."

"But you're wrong, you're no substitute, for no-one. There won't ever be anyone like that Amanda. Not for me. Not since..." He paused, not believing he almost told her the name. He had to look away as Amanda eyes seemed to look straight through him. For a moment he had the uncanny feeling she knew. "I was just wondering if they remembered to feed the animals," he said to change topic.

Watching him ruefully, she reached down to put her boots on, an automatic fluid motion. Jimmy smiled at the recognition of his own training. She's probably be able to put her gear on in ten seconds sharp, not missing a thing. Neither did her eyes.

"I just checked the monitors, everything seems all right, no alerts from anywhere." He had to find something to divert her attention. He knew full well she possessed the security clearing to find out everything about him and he wasn't ready for that. He had to do everything not to wake her interest. To let the past be the past, a thing he so badly needed. And somehow still wasn't able to accomplish.

"I know Jimmy," she said as she rose.

His heart skipped a beat. "You know what?"

"That you checked the monitors, Jimmy. What else is there to know?"

"Oh, all right, yeah, I checked them. Everyone is fine."

"Uh uhm."

She had turned back to watch him, intently. Jimmy felt he had done all the wrong things possible in a brief span of a second or two. Part of him wanted to confess to her, that he wasn't what he seemed. That he really shouldn't be doing what he was doing. That him being a protor was a travesty, a joke. He needed to tell someone. He had felt that need for a long time. But a promise was a promise. And the full truth wouldn't be revealed ever, he knew that. Kid would never talk and he sometimes hated him for that. For holding the secret over his head. Like a bile ready to fall. He hated the fact that what Kid knew gave him some kind of power. The power of a debt that could never be fully re-paid. However hard he tried. Kid never expressed it, he never used it against him. But Jimmy felt it in his bones.

"You okay, Jimmy?"

"Yeah," he replied, nodding vehemently. "I'm fine."

Amanda extended him a hand. "Let's get some breakfast before we ride out to check on them."

He smiled relieved, hoping she'd think it was his concern for the two back at the station making him moody. That suited him just fine. No questions asked. Only acceptance. If he'd ever fall in love again, it would be with a woman like Amanda, or like Lou.

Taking her hand, he followed her out the door.

Never noticing the sad defeat in her eyes.

 

 

"C'mon Rachel, it's late, we need to get to the conference!" Instinctively he stepped back as something hard hit the door. "Rach?"

"Go away!" The voice from inside was muffled.

"But..."

"But what, Noah? But? I told you I need more sleep than two hours, I'm not getting up. It's just a bunch of crappy old men talking anyways."

There was movement in the room though, he heard a curse as she stepped into something. "You okay, Rach?"

"No-o-o," she whimpered, "who the hell put the nightstand there?"

"Please let me in, people are starting to wonder."

He waited tensely until the door was opened in a small crack. "I'm not ready yet," she hissed at him. "I don't think I will be ready today, can't you go alone?"

"No Rach, says here the two of us should go, c'mon, it'll only take an hour or so." He had to smile at the state of her hair. Clad in a long shirt, she looked like an angel, with her hair like a halo of fire. But her demeanor was more than devilish as she glared at him through the crack. "Please let me in," he begged again.

"My feet are killing me," she complained, "and it's all your fault! Just one more dance, Rach, I promise, just one more. I knew we'd never get to bed, I just knew it." She grumped, turning her back on him and walking into the room. Noah took the opportunity and slid in after her, dying to remind her that they never went to bed, not together anyway. But guilt made him hold his tongue, he had loved dancing with her, loved being seen with her. All the envious glances in his direction had boosted his ego. The fact that he had made her laugh soothed his bad conscience for keeping her up all night.

"Tell you what Rach, let's just get there and we can sleep in the auditorium. I heard them say the chairs are comfy," he grinned at her.

"Ha, ha," she mocked him, "mister-stay-up-all-night-and-dance-till-my-feet-bleeds forgets that I have to hold that awful lecture on possible anti-cholinergic baseline related effects of prolonged exposure to elevated epinephrine levels."

"Wow," he let out with a low whistle.

"Wow what?" She peered at him under tousles of hair.

"The way you said those words, gets me all hot."

"Oh shut up," she moaned, "what time is it really?"

"You have half an hour," he smiled at her, "want me to help?"

Another angry glance had him chuckle. "Go on Rach, take that shower and brush your hair."

"What's wrong with my hair," she grunted while collecting her official coverall from the chair by the window.

"If you make the speech looking like that, I guarantee you nobody will hear a word of what you're saying, they'll all be droolin' over you."

"Oh thanks!" She slammed the bathroom door in his face.

"I meant it as a compliment," he tried.

"Order some cafs instead!"

He chuckled at the mock anger in her voice, knowing she was grateful that he had saved her from showing up half an hour too late, with wild hair. _Not that I've would hava minded,_ he mused as he proceeded to the memo-slot on the table, ready to order her a healthy breakfast and not just the pitch black cafs he knew she craved. Flicking his EA on, he picked up the menu from the slot and eyed it through, quickly deciding to order the best the place had to offer. Letting the order stream in he added an 'ASAP' to the message, hoping Rachel wouldn't be mad at him for ordering too much food for such a short time to eat it in. Twenty-five minutes left, but he could hear the phon's dry wheeze from the ice blue cubicle that constituted the bathroom. He pictured her inside, rosy and the hair still damp, clinging to her shoulder.

 _Oh man_ , he had to shake his head to concentrate, _quit thinking of her hair all the time, what's wrong with you?_  
With all his senses waiting for the knock on the door, he walked over to the window, looking out into the busy street down below. Waiting for the bellhop's arrival, he absentmindedly scanned the street. _Some day Sweetwater will look like this too,_ he thought, suddenly sad that their haven was being invaded by all kinds of people. It had been theirs until now, theirs to explore. Now the burgh was filling with people, some bad, some good. He looked at the men and women walking down below, trying to figure out who they were by watching how they moved and what they wore. It was easier back in the Cupola, each and everyone with the precise distinction marks. Out here anybody could be anything. Hats covering their faces from the sun, and hiding the expressions efficiently. He spotted a familiar HuRec coverall and let his eyes wander in that direction, half expecting to see some of his teammates. Letting his eyes rest on the man approaching the corner, he soon noticed it was neither Teaspoon nor Sam and definitely not Cody. But there was something familiar in the walk, something triggered a memory in him. But it collided oddly with the current view, something wasn't right with the picture.

The bathroom door behind him opened. But he couldn't turn, too occupied with trying to figure out what was bothering him. The figure walking briskly with his head tilted down captured his attention. He wished the man would raise his head and let him have a closer look. His fists closed around the window frame.

The knock on the door made Rachel move and curse as she hauled the loaded table inside. "Noah? We don't have time for this, really. There's more food here than Cody eats in a week!"

"Rach, com'ere," he cracked, moving closer to the cool glass, desperate to have a closer look at the man standing right under the window. Then the man turned and walked further up the street. Head still bent down.

"What's wrong?" Following his gaze she looked down onto the street, her eyes immediately taking in the incredible sight of people hurrying along the streets, life in the wild restored. "What you looking at?"

"That man, up there in the outfit. Remind you of someone?"

Bewildered she watched him and he realized the man was too far away already. "What are you talking about, Noah?"

"Longley," Noah let out, "I think it's Longley!"

"But it can't be! I mean he's wearing a HuRec coverall!"

Another HuRec official crossed the street, passing closely to the man walking away from them. It seemed something passed hands between the two of them. The switch was so fast Noah couldn't see what what passed between the two in just a fraction of a second.

Noah glanced in Rachel's direction, trying to convince himself that he wasn't making all this up. She was watching him calmly, slowly shaking her head at his frenzy. "Noah, I don't think it was him. Just someone who looked like him. It's impossible that Longley would walk around Blue Creek in an official's outfit. He's a convicted criminal."

"You doubting me?" He scoffed, "that was...."

She laid a hand on his arm, calming him. "I'm not doubting you Noah, just what you thought you saw."

Turning to look closely at her, he noticed the soft smile in her eyes. It made him feel like a fool. Realizing he wasn't sure himself, he nodded in consent. "I know Rach, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. But I'd sure like to know."

"He's disappeared!" she spat out.

He turned back to watch the street filling up with people, making it hard to keep track of them all.

"See any distinguishing marks on the coverall?" Rachel asked, "I don't think he had any. At least as far as I could see. Would make it a whole lot easier if we had something to go on."

"No, but it seemed his coverall didn't fit him, that's what caught my attention in the first place." He nodded in the direction where the man had disappeared.

She met with his glance and nodded, "I see. I'm sorry Noah, can't help you there, too far away for me to see anything."

"I'll get Teaspoon," Noah muttered, cursing himself for not doing it in the first place.

"No, hold on," Rachel looked further up the street. "There he goes, accompanied."

The backs of two other officers had appeared out of nowhere. Crossing the street with the man in the badly fitting coverall. Walking close to the man, shielding him and steering him in the direction of the landing platform.

"Maybe they caught 'im and are transporting him somewhere?"

Noah eyed her briefly, "In a HuRec coverall?"

"Maybe they didn't wanna distinguish him like that, keeping him plain and not in a prisoner's outfit?" she tried. "Did you see if he was carrying a M-EA?"

"Didn't see that close up, maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. I really don't know." Noah admitted, starting to feel insecure of his own observations.

"Maybe it wasn't even him, Noah? " Her eyes bore into his, calming him and reassuring him of the impossibility of it all. "I mean it just can't be, it's too unlikely. It just looked like him Noah, don't you think?"

He threw a last glance in the direction of his last observation, of course it wasn't Longley, it must have been someone else, it had to be someone else. But still. "Rach, it looked an awful lot like him thou'."

"We'll just have to find out, won't we?" Rachel pondered, "coz' if that was him and he's with HuRec, I don't really know what to say any longer. Isn't anything sacred anymore? Is there no-one you can trust?"

He pulled her into his hold, not knowing what to say. But from this moment, he fully understood Teaspoon's words, they were truly on their own and were starting to act like it too. Seeing conspirators around every corner, pure paranoia creeping up on him unexpectedly. He flicked on his EA and started to call the man in charge.

"Hold on Noah!" Rachel was fingering her EA, "I've logged the ASAs in departure. One is headed to HuRec Head Office, content classified."

"Prisoners?"

"Just says 'classified', but you know that means we have the route and the possibility to log it and let Jimmy or Amanda find out what it was later. Maybe they caught him and is taking him be sentenced. If it really was him. Anyhow we can find out what was going on and who was here. Amanda can fix that, she has the necessary clearing."

"Yeah," Noah nodded, relieved at the only logical solution to what he had witnessed. If he had even witnessed it. He wasn't sure either, not any longer. And it had been dark and shady down below, most likely he had been fooled. Fooled by his own fears.

"We still have to let Teaspoon know," Rachel pointed out. "Just in case, but let's not trouble him right now. There's nothing he can do from here anyhow. And not this early in the morning, let the poor man sleep."

"Is that some kind of insinuation, Rach?" Noah chuckled. Deciding to shake off the feeling of doom that had come over him as he spotted the man. Rachel was right, there was nothing they were able to do about it right now. If HuRec wasn't to be trusted, they had to lay low with any suspicions until they had proof. If not, what would they accomplish? Would his pronounced suspicions endanger them in some way? He shrugged at the thought.

Her hand came to rest on his arm again. "Noah?"

He turned back to her; "You're right Rach, we have nothing. Damned!"

"We will find out, later. Let sleeping bears lie...or whatever the saying was, goes for sleeping Rachel's too. Can't take the stress this early in the morning. Can't even think straight this early in the morning."

"Sorry, won't happen again."

Rachel handed him the cafs. "I'm not minding the wake up, Noah. Just the ungodly hour."

"I'll remember that," he promised, oddly tingly all over again. But his eyes kept wandering to the window.


	22. Chapter 22

Jimmy peered at Amanda on the other side of the round table. It was so early they were all alone in the new hotel restaurant, having their morning meal in the cozy cabinet. They hadn't said much since they left Amanda's room and Jimmy felt totally at ease with the silence. Uptil now. Now that he had been watching the woman he had spent last night with, he started wondering from where the unusual pensive expression on her face originated? He watched while she absentmindedly scooped the artificial jam on her equally artificial bread and started drawing figures with her knife in the red dense liquid that was supposed to resemble strawberry jam. Staring down on the sandwich, she drew circles and squares onto the sponge-like bread substitute.

Jimmy felt sorry for having dragged her into the place. He should have taken her back to the station and gotten her some real food. The restaurant was still to get the supply schedules in order. And they still had to provide it with the basics for some decent food.

"Manda," he called at last. "What's up?"

Her gaze flew from the bread to his eyes, a glint of annoyance turning to a sarcastic smile at the sight of him. "Don't ever call me that!"

"What? Manda? It's... cute," he smiled teasingly at her, realizing he had never used that word in any discourse with a woman before. But with Amanda, it sat just fine, Manda was endearing and lovable - cute.

"Well I'm not 'cute'," she pouted, "anything but 'cute', I hate everything that's 'cute'!"

"All right, message taken," he chuckled, "but I guess you and I have different opinions of cuteness. I specially like when you wrinkle your nose. But I'd like to know why?"

"Jimmy, please," she groaned demonstratively, "don't turn cute on me!"

"God forbid," he shot back, sliding his hand over the table to nudge hers. "I won't ever be 'cute' if you tell me what you're thinking 'bout."

"Actually, I was thinking about you, Jimmy."

"Me? What about me?"

"I was in snooping around in the HuRec archive yesterday, trying to find more evidence and I came up on your file. Why didn't you tell me?"

His heart stopped in his chest, memories rushing in over him at the mere mentioning of the event. Guilt hammering in his temples. Even though she obviously only knew half of the truth, the part that was to be found in his profile, it was more than enough. He swallowed back the pain.

"I'm sorry Jimmy, didn't mean to dig into your background, I just tried to follow a lead. I'm sorry about what happened to you." She was looking right at him, her eyes concerned.

He still couldn't talk, afraid to reveal how fresh the pain still was. After all these years.

"But I understand better now, the situation with you and Kid, I mean."

"Yeah," he finally cracked, hoping to end the discussion here and now. This was something he'd rather keep all to himself, something he'd rather forget all together. But he never would. "Just don't tell the others, right?"

A surprised arching of eyebrows. "But..."

The plea in his eyes silenced her and she nodded. "Okay Jimmy. And I'm sorry for mentioning it. Won't happen again. You done so we can get outta here?"

He just nodded.

She rose and extended him a hand. "Come on, let's get to the station and see if them lovebirds have finally gotten things right." Turning to look at him, she smiled; "Or maybe we need to teach them a lesson or two?"

Taking her hand, he rose to follow her to the door and out into the morning light. Silently they crossed the new "Colonial Street" and made their way to the livery-stables. True to her words, Amanda didn't utter a word while they walked and Jimmy had the time to get his feelings in check again. Stopping outside the door, he squeezed her hand and brought her to a standstill. Turning to face him, her eyes were calm and serene.

He wasn't big on words and such - but he needed to express his gratitude for her understanding. Her sense to let it sit and not saying she understood or that it wasn't his fault. Things he had heard a million times from people who had no idea what he went through. He needed to let her know he appreciated her discretion. "Thank you," he said silently.

She smiled briefly at him before turning to drag him on.

Jimmy felt that for the first time ever that he might have found a woman he could tell everything. A woman who'd let him be what he was, with memories and all. That the past which was haunting him, really didn't matter. He clutched her hand tighter, feeling totally at ease with himself and with her. And that was the first time in a long while.

 

 

 

Lou cursed her decision to make breakfast. Her thoughts were everywhere else but on the task at hand. More often than not, she found herself walking to the window, checking for signs of the man sent out to take care of the animals. It took him far too long this morning. And she longed for him.

Then she caught a glimpse of him walking crooked behind the woodpile. Her eyes squinted, she tried to figure out what he was doing? The bent position and the way his head occasionally disappeared out of sight behind the pile, only to reemerge with a smirk on his face, had her totally bewildered. It looked like he was dragging something behind him. Opening the window she stuck her head out and hollered for him.

He turned to look at her, surprised.

Then he let out a yelp and bent down. There was some hustling and Kid reappeared, rubbing his hand, looking disgusted. "YOU STINKIN' LITTLE LOWLIFE!"

The holler had her blink. Watching more closely as he started running, moments before an angry bleat filled the air and vanished behind the house, Kid behind it.

"COME BACK 'ERE YA HORNED MISFIT OR I'LL..."

The rest of the words vanished.

"Belle?" Lou muttered and crept out through the window, running to the end of the porch and swinging herself over the railing.

The man and the beast were circling the drying frame, Kid stepping over the clothes lying spread in the dirt around it, wheezing threats as he did. "I'll de-worm ya three times a day, Belle. I swear, once I get my hands on'ya you'll be sorry you ever saw me."

The goat snapped a sock off the rack and glared triumphantly at the desperate man following her.

"You sleazeball," Kid hissed.

Lou started laughing heartily, she just couldn't help it. Despite Kid's glare in her direction, she couldn't stop.

Belle chewed twice on the sock and spit it out.

Lou squealed and sank to the ground, gasping for air.

Kid took a leap in the goat's direction, missing pitifully and tangling himself up in what seemed to be the remnants of a shirt. He stumbled twice, still reaching for the retreating goat and plunged head first into the grass.

Belle jumped over him and galloped happily to freedom. Her course obviously the hogs' muddy corral.

Kid sat and up and wide-eyedly watched the happy strut of his prey. He had a grass-stained T-shirt draped over the left shoulder.

Out of breath Lou crawled over to him, removed the dirty fabric off his shoulder and kissed his lips with a loud smack. "You're so cute!"

Kid pouted morosely and rose to wipe the dirt off his pants.

"I send a perfectly clean man outside and what is returned to me?" Still laughing, she dragged him inside. Steadily on her way to the sink to get most of the grime off him.

"I thought you said I was cute?"

Halfway over the kitchen floor, she just had to stop and turn around to watch him. He had dirt on the tip of his nose and the hair was in disarray, he looked adorable. Giggling she threw her arms around him and hugged him close. "You are cute sweetie, a little dirty maybe, but definitely cute."

Disappearing into a bear-hug, she smiled at the warmth of his embrace.

"Thought you'd like dirty," he whispered huskily to her hair. "I'll be dirty if you want me to."

For a split second she wanted to say 'yes' and forget all about the work they had ahead of them. But instead she pushed him away from her, shaking her head. "Kid, you gotta wash up, brunch is done. And thanks to you we have washing waiting to be done too, on top of everything else." Wriggling out of his hold, she patted his shoulder affectionately, "how could'ya have forgotten to get the clothes last night?"

"How could I... well little missy, last night something came up."

Grabbing his wrist, she steered him to the sink and flicked the water on. "Up you say?"

He grinned at her implication and took the towel she handed him. "Likely to happen again, I'd say."

"Promises, promises," she leaned in to wink at him, "the way you keep chasing all other females - I wonder."

"Don't remind me," Kid groaned and let the water fill the cupped hands. "Geez, I hate that goat!"

Unable to keep her hands off him, she rested one innocently on his back. Biting down on her lip at the sensation of muscles moving under her fingers. Thoughtfully she looked at his cupped hands, filling with water and brought up to rinse the tanned skin, leaving it glistening. Pure. _Even his moves are sensuous,_ she thought astonished, _I am so helplessly hooked on this man!  
_  
"Lou, what's the odd smell?" He asked with a glance over his shoulder at her.

Hands gripping the towel.

Lou snapped out of it. "Oh Lord!"

The distinct odor of rapidly scorching bread reached her nostrils. "I can't believe this!" Running up to the stove she opened it. Thick smoke welled out in a cloud. She stepped back. "I forgot the freaking bread! I can't believe it did that! I used the automatic mode for crying out loud! This shouldn't have happened. Damned!" She was repelled at the coal lumps on the plate. "I don't understand this," she ranted, "it shouldn't happen with the timer and all!"

Kid walked up to stand behind her, the towel still in hand. She cringed at the low chuckle.

"Works better when it's on," he mused, extending a hand around her waist to push the button in. "Seems I'm not the only disaster in the kitchen. Or are these Louise's famous coaly lumps?"

"Oh shut up," she retaliated. Cheeks warming from both his proximity and her own mistake. "You and Belle running around the yard had me distracted, that's all. I can bake bread with my eyes closed."

He leaned in on her and she was able to feel the laughter in him, and it made her mad - and tingly.

"Don't worry Lou, we'll just serve them to Belle, that outta teach her."

She turned around, ready to bite his head off. "You sneaky little..."

"I love you, Lou."

The words disarmed her efficiently. His twinkling blue eyes and the water drops in his hair had her laugh. His words padding her heart with heat, sending her silent for a moment. Not knowing how to respond, she looked pointedly at the water dripping onto his front. "Wipe your face cowboy," she leered at him.

He lowered his face and carefully wiped it on her shoulder.

"Argh," Lou spat, "you're really begging for it, ain't ya?"

Raising his head to look at her, he smiled wickedly. Ttook you long enough to figure that out, didn't it? And you still owe me a meal, remember?"

"Oh well damn, anything you ask." Pinching him affectionately, castigating him tenderly for having thought he'd have his way with her that easily.

"I'd love an apple-pie," he grinned at her.

"An apple-pie? You want an apple-pie now?" Wrinkling her nose at him, not believing what he was asking. But needing to swipe the gleam of mischief out of his eyes. "Hell, I can manage that!"

"A 'real' apple-pie, I want the authentic thing, not those things you can get out of a tin. See, I'm a guy who goes for the real thing." He clinched her closer. Close enough for her to feel the tightness of his muscles, the lean strength in his frame. Close enough to have her ready to promise him anything and everything, close enough to make her breath catch.

Still looking at her intently with a crooked smile he held on to her. "Can you give me that?"

"The real thing? Sure." Desperately she tried to activate her EA and search the dB for a recipe. The damned apparatus didn't respond so her hand flew up to adjust it. The broadening smile on Kid's face stopped her. "What?"

His body shivered slightly from the suppressed laughter as he ducked to look into her eyes. "Your EA is still on the recreation room floor, sweetie, something must have distracted you awfully last night. And I bet it wasn't Belle."

Laughing she pounded on his chest. "I know how to make an apple-pie, Kid! I swear I do."

"You were trying to cheat."

"No I wasn't, I was just rearranging my hair. And you wouldn't recognize the real thing even if it bit you!"

His hand traveled up from the small of her back to ruffle her hair. Lou closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder, basking in his warmth. Feeling his breath on her cheek, she turned to watch him, the teasing smile still plastered on his face. Her fingers gripping his shirt when lips claimed hers. Turning his tender kiss into a passionate one. Stopping him from breathing for a while. Making her hold on to him like she was drowning. "Oh God," she whispered as they had to come up for air.

"Lou, you better believe me, I know the real thing," he murmured to her temple, "and..."

The squeaking sound from the porch had her instinctively push him away and turn to the sound. Two heads disappeared from the window.

"Lou?" Kid let out, surprised at her action. "What's wrong?"

Lou was already at the door and flung it wide open, a low curse directed at the intruders following. "I seen the two of you!" The two behind the door tried to arrange their faces to neutral ones.

"What? Who?" Kid questioned.

"Didn't mean to disturb," Jimmy explained with a badly concealed leer. "Thought you'd be done by now?"

"We just came for some decent food that's all." Amanda chirped, "but if you're busy - we can always eat in the barn."

"What are you talkin' 'bout?" She glared at them both, hoping they hadn't actually seen what she was afraid of.

"Just thought you'da gotten further than that already." Jimmy remarked, glancing over at the Kid. A wink at Amanda and then they both inched themselves in through the door.

"Oh brother," Lou moaned and turned her back on the pair. Looking at Kid, she found him leaned up against the counter, arms across his chest. Eyes glued to her. She begged him silently not to say anything.

Jimmy caught a glimpse of the evidence in the oven. "Oh oh," he let out with a low whistle. "Didn't the two of you manage to get untangled in time or what?"

"Stop it," Lou's cheeks glowing furiously, she stomped the floor. "Nothing happened, nothing at all." Realizing she had somehow stepped right into the trap they were rigging, she glanced anew at Kid and shook her head in a sign for him to not reveal the truth. She wasn't ready for it to get out. It was too new, too precious to be tossed around or painted on the wall. "I had to help Kid with Belle and forgot the timer. Let up with the bread already."

Jimmy and Amanda threw each other an amused glance.

"I was just wondering about the groping I just witnessed, that's all." Amanda made her way to the oven and peeked inside. "Yikes!"

Lou eyed Kid, hoping for him to understand what she was about to say, that she said it to shield them both. "I was just trying to teach Kid to dance."

"Dance? Well that's one way to put it," Jimmy's quick response was colored with glee, "so what was it? A slow fox-trot or a heated tango?"

"Jimmy, back off!" Kid finally spoke up and Lou rewarded him with a grateful look.

"I'm sorry Kid, just wanted..."

"Jimmy," Kid's voice was a clear warning and Lou's eyes wandered over to Jimmy. He calmly looked at Kid and nodded, an unspoken agreement. Lou again felt the bond between the two of them, the respect both men held for each other despite all animosity.

"All right," Amanda said to break the tension. "Whatever you call it, you still need to eat. And we have something to tell you."

"Did some dancing of yourself did ya," Kid remarked with a faint smile.

Lou's eyes darted to Amanda, a smile spreading over her face at the feigned callousness on her friend's unusually stoic face. Oh, they both looked guilty all right. Smugly she let her eyes wander over the two of them, letting them know she held something on them, just in case.

Her eyes met with Kid's glittering ones and she made a decision. Walking up to him, she nestled her arm around his waist. "Dancin' ain't so bad after all, now is it?"

She wasn't prepared for the outburst of laughter following her statement, neither the kiss Kid gave her. Heedless of the companions' chuckles. Normally she would have whacked anybody that showed her that kind of affection in public.

She rested her blushing cheek on his shirtfront, grateful when his arms came around her. Feeling safe despite all, like nothing would ever hurt her again. She smiled at herself, not believing it really would be this easy after all. The first time in ages she had taken support from a man, and the world hadn't come crumbling down. The first time she had ever openly showed her affection for somebody that really mattered to her, the first time loving someone like this felt perfectly right.

 

 

It was the middle of the night, the room was greenish black in its humid darkness. Uneasily he drifted in and out of sleep, had done so through the better part of the night. He sensed something was calling his attention, but he felt too unfocused to really get a grip of the situation. There was something not right, the thought kept nagging at him, making him fight to emerge to full alertness.

The apparatus behind his ear kept calling for his attention. Relentlessly.

With a groan he turned to his back, sub-consciously checking if he was alone. The feeling of urgency spreading through him as he wondered how long it had been calling for him while he writhed in the shadowland between sleep and awakened mode. Partly because of the ungodly hour, partly because of the relentlessness of whoever was calling for him. He positioned himself and flicked on the EA, thought mode, just to be sure.

The man on the other end was just as cautious, he felt himself being scanned to secure his identity. The action of the other man made him alert at once.

 _You alone?_

Yes. He thought back, not entirely sure who he was speaking to, needing some confirmation. Is it you?

 _Someone's been investigating._

Investigating what? His irritation was surfacing, he hated the man's paranoid behavior, this had happened before, for no reason. _What the hell are you talking about? I have it all under control, you just lay low for a while and keep your nose clean. In a week or so we will be in full operation again._

 _You keep saying that, but I don't trust you. Someone in the Sweetwater group has been going through some files. Someone with high command and access._

He smiled to himself shaking his head. _No-one has such a high command or such access that they can get to us. No-one except me._

So why are they snooping?

 _You don't know they are, they might be looking for something else entirely. Nobody knows nothing, Longley!  
_   
_Don't even think that name! Jesus, I told you! You're starting to slip._

 _We're on the securest of lines and in thought mode! Who's slipping here exactly?_ The mere insinuation of him not being in control had him enraged, how did the lowlife dare? he had helped him gain freedom and power. Now he was about to give him immense wealth too. How dared he?

 _I need to take care of it. I don't like the snooping. Makes me nervous and I might start to leave traces to incriminate...._

 _All right! Do what you feel needs to be done. Just do it silently, no need for them all to go out in a bang like last time you handled things! You know who it is?_

 _Yes, that O'Connoll woman._

He fell back onto the pillows, he liked Amanda, but he knew she was dangerous too. Bright and with remarkable deduction skills. As dangerous as a woman gets. She'd have to go. _I'll leave it to you,_ he thought in reply, _just don't do any mistakes, I don't wanna know how you're gonna do it or anything. Because this will all be on your conscience, has nothing to do with the operation or anything. This is just you and your damned paranoia. But do what you need to do.  
_  
 _I'll need something from you thou.  
_  
 _Like what?_

As the man on the other end started to lay out his plan, he laid back and smiled. He was good and no-one would ever suspect anything. Hopefully. And no-one would be able to figure it out. At least not until it was too late. If he played his cards right it could be used as a scaring technique too. To keep them pioneers on theirs toes, fearing for their lives and not even minding the operation. _You'll get it,_ he promised when Longley was done. _Sounds like a plan to me.  
_  
 _Nocere necessere est,_ the man confirmed, laughing.

 _Et exitus semper exspectare_ , he shrugged and closed the connection.

Oddly he found it hard to find sleep after the discussion. The earlier tension replaced by another. A tension bordering bad conscience. One woman's death was a small price to pay. But it kept nagging him all the same. And the more he thought about it, the more he came to realize it was far to risky to leave it in Longley's hands, the man had no brains. He'd never be able to do it without leaving tracks. And if he was caught, he'd squeal, he was a fink. Anything to get out of trouble. He'd have to do it himself, if not for anything else, just to placate Longley. He'd tell him tomorrow. He'd just have to refine the plan slightly, make it waterproof.

The green in the room became more evident as the hours lingered by, painfully slow to then finally turn the night into another day.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACC - Anonymous Communications Centrals - illegal forwarding centers of communication.  
> CE - Communication Expert  
> 

"It's still standin'?" Teaspoon chuckled at the sight of the Station house covered in early evening sunlight.

Emma grunted something and made her way past him to get off the vehicle and get on with normal life once again. "Don't tell me you were actually ever worried?"

"Nah," Teaspoon admitted, letting Sam pass with the provisions. "I'm just hoping it's out of their systems by now coz' the tension - or whatever you wanna call it - is getting so thick you can cut it. It ain't healthy."

"This coming from one whose cholesterol level is shooting through the roof?" Rachel mumbled while dragging the Nuds-package toward the open front portal. "And it wouldn't kill you with some exercise either!"

"Other than chewing down bacon," Emma shot over her shoulder as she started for the house, Sam in tow.

"Yes Ma'am," the man effectively blocking Rachel's path nodded, "but that damned artificial stuff you're dragging just might."

Noah hid a smile and leaned in to warn Teaspoon. "Take it easy, she's the woman in charge of your mental health!" He made a talkative face in Teaspoon's direction, seeing to it that Rachel spotted his joshing.

"Uh huh," Teaspoon responded with a serious face. "And I just know yours is suffering something awful, son."

"Next time we'll leave the two of you alone back here," Cody chimed in. "I'm slowly getting the feelin' this place is filling with lovesick...."

"You referring to Belle and you?" Rachel let out in an amused twitter. "Would the three of you get your asses away from that thing and get all this stuff into the house? And would someone please get in touch with Ike and Buck and see if they'll be here in time? We got a lotta work to do you know. You can complain about your absent love life at a later stage."

"And complaining will help?" Cody asked with a hopeful face.

"Probably not in your case," Noah leered at him.

"Well not in yours either," Rachel sneered and waved at Kid approaching the vehicle. A chuckle broke amongst the men on the ASA threshold. Rachel tried to silence them with a murdering glance before turning to the approaching man. "Everything all right, Kid?"

He simply nodded and reached down to take the large packet from the ground. "You had a good time?"

Cody scurried down and patted Kid's shoulder. "Not as good as you thou'."

Noah had to suppress the laughter as the targeted man's ears turned slightly red.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kid shot a warning glare in Cody's direction, but he couldn't quite stop the smile that lurked behind the mock stern gaze he bestowed upon Cody. Cody responded with an exaggerate grin. Kid just shook his head and made a sign to the house. The look of a cat that got away with steeling the milk swept over his face before he got his self-control back. "Lou's inside with Jimmy and Amanda, I'll take this inside for ya, Rachel." Scooping the package into his arms, he turned to walk away.

Cody let out a soft whistle. "Noah, how on earth are you gonna explain that to HuRec? I mean he's so smitten that..."

Rachel shook her head sadly. "Stop teasin' 'em already! And let me tell you I'm not surprised he's the only one with a love life right now. Watch and learn!"

"What?" Cody intervened. "I can't believe you said that, I'm the smooth mover around here."

"Stick to entertaining Belle Billy," Rachel leered,"and maybe you'll evolve, at some point in your life."

Cody opened his mouth to retaliate but shut it at the woman's stern glance. Bending down to take the parcel of memo-slots, she slammed it onto Noah's chest. "Here, you take this!"

Swirling on her heals, she was on her way after the Kid. Noah had to run to catch up with her. "Is that an invitation?" he asked when he finally came up by her side.

Rachel simply rolled her eyes.

 

 

It took a lot of figuring how to accomplish the infecting without leaving any trace. Innocent questions to the physicians and the virologists had him decide the perfect course of action. It would be a disease difficult to diagnose, that was for sure, and just maybe it would serve as the warning they needed, if not, he'd have to proceed and punish them all.

The real problem was targeting the right woman, and that woman only.

Looking through her file for the hundredth time, he tried to figure out what would work. Rereading the file over again his eyes got caught on one recent line. A small smile formed on his lips. He flipped over to the company in question and checked again, and there it was, his gateway to the woman. Relaying through a dozen illegal ACC's he logged into a private line, he ordered a similar product from a rivaling company. Ordering it to be delivered to her working address, today. The hackers of the 21st century would have been proud over his accomplishments. If someone came up with the idea to trace this order it would take them years and ultimately they would get the wrong identity anyway. There was some ups to the new society, the immense possibility to hide if necessary. Tagging the merchandise, he'd know exactly when it arrived, and retrieving it would be the riskiest part of the operation. And the risk was so minor it was laughable. He smiled smugly, it was going to be a piece of cake after all. Her name on the parcel, a tempting sample, a sharpened edge and the deed would be accomplished. An unfortunate accident, nothing else.

Hearing footsteps in the hall he quickly shut down the communication, feigning to be grossly involved with the soundless noppo on the wall. Innocently he greeted the rest of the members as they dropped in one by one.

 

 

"What'ya mean it was Longley?" Cody peered at Noah, like doubting his sanity. "Rach? Did you see 'im too?"

Teaspoon watched the group at the dinner table, tension growing at Noah's tale. Disbelief on most of the faces and anger at the prospect that Noah might be right. The man had never been found, not to their knowledge. He had simply disappeared into thin air. All of the men had, and that seemed a little strange. Everything seemed a little too strange right now. But Noah spotting Longley in a HuRec Officer's suit seemed downright impossible.

"Son, don't you think the light might have fooled you or something?"

"No," Noah felt like he was trying to convince them the earth was flat and not a sphere. "It was him, I only caught a glimpse of him, but I know it was him. I'll never forget that man, it wasn't so much his face I recognized, it was the way he walked too. It was him all right."

Teaspoon cast a glance over at Sam, the man was watching Noah, a concerned wrinkle on his brow.

"Sam?" Teaspoon cleared his throat, "don't you think we outta browse the HuRec files and see if there's anybody that bears a resemblance to Longley, just in case?"

"Hey! I don't care if you don't believe me. I'm just telling you what I know I saw." Noah's voice had taken on a tone of no-nonsense.

Emma put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "It's okay Noah, I believe you. You saw him all right, but that don't mean he's actually with the HuRec, maybe they'd just arrested him and were taking him somewhere? Maybe there's a reason for him being in uniform?"

Noah visibly calmed down at the touch of Emma's hand. Rachel threw her a grateful glance. "She's right Noah, there might be a million reasons to him being out there, we just don't know."

"And that's what's freaking me out."

All the eyes turned to Jimmy. He had been silent until now, not uttering a word, not revealing one feeling. But everyone sensed the impending doom behind his words.

The silence grew in the room. Everyone sinking into deep thoughts, pondering on the ramifications, the possibilities of betrayal and the impending danger.

Ike's fingers suddenly tapped on the table, making the sound of a galloping horse, breaking the silence. Looking up and meeting with wondering glances.

"Ike? You still with us?" Buck's voice wondering.

"I'll have to break through their security," he said in his friend's direction. "I was just wondering how many relays to make."

"Already did that," Amanda admitted, "didn't get far enough thou', I think they caught me."

Suddenly there was a cacophony of sounds, everybody talking at the same time, anxious to know.

Teaspoon raised a hand while glaring at Amanda. "Hold on now for a sacred minute will you all?" Waiting until they settled down again, he waved his index finger in his niece's direction. "Manda, Manda, what have you done? Didn't anybody tell you that is against the law?"

"Uh? And almost blowing us to pieces isn't?" She glared back.

"Now that's besides the point! I'm sure they would have...."

"It's not besides the point Teaspoon," Jimmy intervened irritably. "It's right on! The HuRec is doing nothing to protect us. You said it yourself. And if they're not protecting us, what is stopping them from having some ulterior scheme we don't have a clue about?"

"Now Jimmy, let's not paint the devil on the wall here," Teaspoon tried anew to calm the waters.

"That's right Teaspoon," Lou chimed in "coz' he's probably wearing a HuRec uniform and making plans how to get back at us."

Teaspoon shook his head in resign. "All I'm saying is we gotta be careful. I'm not saying not to do what you've been doing..." a glance over at Kid and Lou, "...just don't get caught doing it."

Amanda broke out in a gleeful twitter.

"And you!" Teaspoon's finger back at her, "if they catch you with a thing like that, there's nothing stopping them from sending you wherever they want to. Breaking security codes most certainly can end in you sitting in a cellar somewhere, filing memo-slots! Did that ever cross your mind?"

Amanda answered him with a slight grimace.

"Let me do it," Ike intervened, "I know how to get past those clearances, I've done it before."

"I bet the lot of you have done far more than I need to know, " Teaspoon groaned. "Well, get to it. But for the love of Lorca, see to it you don't get caught."

"Yeah, I'm sure Emily wouldn't be so glad to hear you and Amanda being thrown into a cellar, filing memo-slots," Cody leered.

"Oh, I wouldn't mind," Amanda chirped back, a devilish grin on her face.

Jimmy bestowed her with a glare.

Ike's cheeks turned reddish and Kid chuckled, bending forward and dropping the bread out of his hand as Lou's fingers pinched his upper thigh. With a foolish grin, he bent down to pick the bread off the floor, only to meet with Emma's slightly arched eyebrows as he returned to his former sitting position. The twinkle in the woman's eyes made him realize she knew. With a glance in Lou's direction, he tried to let her know he had said nothing. Lou refused to look at him. And Emma kept shooting him odd glances. Then he picked up on the conversation going on between Ike and Teaspoon.

"I can get through all the clearances, Teaspoon, no trouble, I can get into the deepest secrets."

Kid turned to look at Jimmy.

"Well son, I'll let you and Amanda on it, just see to it that you don't get caught. Dig up everything there is to know, about every HuRec officer, every indictment, every fine, every suspicion, everything about everybody."

Jimmy met with his eyes, he read the near panic expression.

"I'll do that, I'll cross-run everything, I have some aces up my sleeve"

Jimmy rose from the table. His hands forming fists, the knuckles turning white.

"I'll even go through the deleted files, I can go 50 years back if need be."

Kid gripped the bread as he rose, his eyes never leaving Jimmy's tense form. "I'll go feed the animals, I'll give this one to Belle." He tried to steady Jimmy with his voice, there was nothing they could do about it. It would be out soon, and there was absolutely nothing they could do about it. They'd have to talk about it. He tried to keep his own fear at bay while he crossed the floor. "Jimmy! C'mon, it's your turn to feed the hogs." With a tight grip on Jimmy's arm, he dragged him out of the room.

Jimmy followed silently, his breath coming in short tense exhales. Kid felt it safer to drag him as far away from the house as possible before trying to talk some sense into him. Chances were that they'd get into another of the famous fights. Just because Jimmy refused to see reason.

"Jimmy, it doesn't matter! It wasn't your damned fault and no one will blame you for anything!"

"She knows, Kid."

Stopping his pace, he turned to watch the man uttering the words. His thoughts whirling, the 'she' nagging at him. Had Lou told Jimmy she knew about it and not him? Was she confiding in Jimmy? Would history repeat itself all the same? "Who knows?" The question came out as an accusation.

Jimmy snorted derisively. "Not her, you fool! Amanda, you blockhead. She went through my files!"

Relieved, Kid let the air out. "Oh God Jimmy, I thought...never mind, so what if she went through your files? There's nothing in them files, you're just letting it get to you. Damn it Jimmy, there's nothing! What the hell are you gettin' all riled up about?"

"All right Kid, how much did you tell Lou?"

"What'ya mean, Lou's got nothing to do with it!"

"Exactly my point!"

"I still don't get you, what'ya mean?" Kid's stance changed.

Jimmy's face mirroring the feigned benevolent, superior smile of a well-meaning professional without a clue. "Don't you wanna talk about it Kid, spill your beans, let it all out into the open? You'll feel so much better if you..."

"Shut up Jimmy, you're just as beside the point as...."

"You'll know you'll have to talk about it, they'll ask you all kind of questions, they'll commiserate, they'll be so very understanding, they'll want you to talk it through. Remember all the details, like the screams and the stench of blood ...."

"That's enough Jimmy, just can it!"

Kid's eyes were on the house, his face strained.

Jimmy turned to see what he was looking at. The small form at the door, watching them. Still looking at Lou over at the door, he smiled, dropping his voice to a low hiss; "Why don't you get going Kid? Your girlfriend is waitin' for ya!"

"Back off, Jimmy."

The voice was a low rumbling wheeze, the exact copy of the threats between them so many years ago. The memory had Jimmy turn to face him. Silently they stared at each other, sizing each other up. The damned bond more evident than ever, the usual misunderstandings, the usual challenging behavior. The curse of brothers in arms.

Jimmy watched Kid's eyes flicker and without turning to watch, he knew Lou was on her way to them. "Kid, I'm sorry..."

"I know," Kid broke in, "I'm sorry too. I know what you mean, Jimmy."

"What's up?" Lou's voice silenced Kid.

"Nothing," he smiled at her, "we were having a little discussion about feedin' the hogs an' all."

Jimmy rolled his eyes.

"Looked more like you were about to punch each other out," Lou pointed out.

"Lou, don't you know by now," Jimmy grinned at her, "that's the way guys communicate."

"Stop trying to evade my questions Jimmy, what's all this about?"

"Keeping secrets," Jimmy responded, "dark, enormous secrets."

"Jimmy, stop joshing and tell me!" She was tugging at his sleeve. Looking at him with pleading eyes. Getting no response, she turned to Kid. "Please."

"Jimmy's right," Kid smiled at her, "you see he's really an alien. Only I know about it, and he's here to abduct us all. Couldn't let that happen, right?"

Jimmy let out a snort of laughter. "No see Kid is dead wrong, I'm here to abduct the best of the species, he ain't one of those. He's mad coz' I'm taking you and not him." He wiggled his eyebrows, flirting wildly with her.

"Seriously, Jimmy!"

"We seriously gotta feed the animals right now Lou, c'mon." Taking her hand Kid started walking to the barn, dragging her with him.

Lou fought herself loose. "Kid! Dammit! They can still see us from the house! What's Teaspoon and the others gonna think?"

Jimmy turned to her, a smirk on his face. "Lou, seriously! You think there's anyone that hasn't noticed yet?"

Lou squirmed. "What ya mean, Jimmy?"

He stepped closer to her and laid an arm over her shoulder, walking along side of her to the door. Then he smiled at her. "Don't you think it's kind of a give away that you let everybody come close to you, except the Kid? If he had done what I just did, you'da bit his head off. I'm telling you, it's obvious...."

"Get inside!" Her cheeks burning, she looked at Kid holding the barn door open for them. Apology in her eyes. He watched her calmly, a resigned smile in the eyes.

Just to prove Jimmy wrong, she grabbed his shirtfront, dragging him inside, turning to face him as the door closed behind them. Looking up into his eyes she smiled. "All right, you got your secrets. I understand. So do I, Kid, let's just leave it at that."

She caught his bewilderment before she let go off him to follow Jimmy into the feed-storage. And she knew she had planted the doubt, she'd just have to wait for it to grow, until it worked through his defenses and gave her some negotiating tools. She needed to know.

 

 

"Okay, now here's what we do," Ike eyed Buck and Amanda, flicking the EA onto public mode and letting the procedures show on the wall of the darkened room. "First of all, you use the EA on remote and, couple it to yet another one."

Their eyes followed his words, landing on the first apparatus, laying on the table besides another which emitted the light on the wall.

"No alpha-layer to follow, you see."

Amanda nodded eagerly and Buck smiled proudly at Ike's expertise.

"Then you make contact with an ACC, like this, and then yet another," the picture on the wall changing in rhythm with his words.

Amanda's eyes shone and Buck silently counted the changes.

"Twenty-three relays should do it," Ike continued.

"You use twenty-six," Buck pointed out.

Ike threw him an appreciative look. "Just in case," he smiled.

"And then what?" Amanda interrupted, eager to get on with it. Impatient for secrets to start revealing.

"Then you order a map of current personal EA's in use, like this." Another picture emerged on the wall.

Buck and Amanda squinted their eyes at the colored lines between numbers, zigzags of patterns making the map look like an ancient work of pop art.

"What is this?" Amanda asked.

"That is the main tools of a CE." Ike smiled, "the CLO."

"CLO?" Amanda looked over at him, wishing he'd hurry up.

"Communications layout organizer"

"Oooh," Buck let out with a smirk, "that explains everything,"

Ike chuckled. "Now hold your horses, watch that tiny red blinking dot there."

Their eyes landed on the blinking item on the edge of the muddle, watching as it jumped onto one of the greenish dots, dissolving into it to then take a leap to another one and at last the leap to the purple dot that obediently took it in.

"We are now at the highest level of security, on the EA of the head of HuRec, folks."

"Oh oh," Amanda breathed out with admiration. "I love a guy who can play this kind of a dirty trick."

Buck had to lean back and laugh, Ike's fingers fiddling nervously with a memo-slot.

"I'm just kidding Ike, not that I don't love a man that can do all this, but I respect a man that can make a girl happy for six years. That's special." Amanda smiled appreciatively.

Ike's eyes flew over to her, wondering.

"I have security level two Ike, I've checked you all out, every little secret of yours." The grin contagious, relaxing them both.

"So what you're saying is you suspected us," Buck asked with a mischievous smirk.

"I suspect everybody. But you can take my word for it, I cleared the lot of you. First of all, you are too clumsy around these things to be able to do what has been done. Well, all except Ike, and if it's Ike behind all this... well, then he's too clever to leave any signs so we won't ever catch him anyways."

Ike just shook his head and nodded towards the EA noppo on the wall; "Start asking your questions."

 

 

She waited for him in her room, having left him in the barn, she sat on her bed, tensely listening for the sound of his footsteps coming up the stairs. It was late already and the heat had mellowed. But not her curiosity, she was dying to know the secret that kept Kid and Jimmy clashing with each other. And enabling them to read the other without any problems, picking up on the smallest of signs. Like they had know each other forever, reading each other's thoughts, anticipating the moves. The more they evaded the issue, the keener she got on finding out.

Finally his footsteps came up the stairs. She waited for him to knock on her door but he walked past it, into his own room.

Lou hit the mattress hard, cursing his callousness. Angry that her calculated blackmail had backfired. Irritated she switched the EA on, placing it on the nightstand, flicking through the movies of the night and choosing the most sugary romantic flick she found on the list.

Muttering, she curled up on her bed, letting the romance on the 3D display distract her. But it didn't work.

Her thoughts wandered to him constantly, jumbling up her concentration, ruining the movie for her. Anger mixing with sorrow when she realized she had been nothing to him, just a two-night stand. Angry that he did to her what she had intended for him, but he had gotten deeper into her system, he had somehow nestled himself into her blood and nerves. Tangling himself into her system, rooting himself into her being, making her go absolutely insane with all the conflicting emotions. Angry at him for shutting up but sad that he wasn't here with her, that he had taken her signals at face value and decided to leave her alone.

So immersed in her commiserating, she jumped at the hard knock on the door.

"Kid?" Scrambling up into a sitting position.

Hesitantly he opened the door and stepped in, staying by the door, keeping it ajar.

"Please close the door." She remain seated on the bed, watching him. Her anger gone at the sight of his subdued stance. "What's up?"

"Lou," he paused and let go off the doorknob, looking at her, like deciding what to do next, talk to her or open the door and run for his life.

"Kid," she called out softly, to stop his escape plans, "what's wrong?"

Silently he walked up to her bed, squatting beside it, leaning his knees on the frame for support. His hands taking hers, resting them in her lap. His thumb languidly caressing her wrist. His eyes resting on the hands while gently stroking the thin skin over her pulse, not uttering a word.

 _Are you breaking up with me?_ The thought hit her so hard she had to breathe in sharply, a silent scream of protest tensing her up.

His eyes left the hands and met hers.

Her heart stopped for a moment, waiting for the words. For the first time in her life, she was on the receiving end of those dreadful, mortifying words that she had expressed so many times. Now they came back, slapped to her face by the one she wanted the most. The one man that had her exposed and skinless, the one man she felt was made for her, the one she had been waiting for all these years. And soon it would be all over.

"I'm sorry, Lou."

"Yeah?" Her voice shivering.

"Anything you need to know, just ask. I'll be breaking promises and going back on my words, but I'll tell you all you need to know, just ask."

The relief that washed over her was tremendous, the breath she had been holding rushed out in a sigh, her hands reaching out for him, burying into his hair as she pulled him to her and buried her face at his neck.

Pulling her into his lap, he held on to her and rocked her, holding her so tight she felt his heartbeat.

Relaxing in his hold, she fought to keep her words neutral, to not let him hear her relief, not to expose her need for him. He was holding her heart in his hands and it would probably stop beating if he let go. Breathing against his skin, she calmed down, the heart not pounding wildly any longer, slowly stilling into a steady rhythm, allowing her voice to come out calm and composed.  
"It's okay Kid, I really don't need to know until you're ready to speak. It's okay, as long as you're here, it's all right."

"I love you, Lou."

Tears trickled down her cheek, right now she didn't need anything else from him, and she had been wrong to ask. She had done to him what she hated when done to her. He asked no questions, he demanded no explanations. He was still here, holding her. That was all she needed right now.

"Let's go to bed," she whispered in his ear.


	24. Chapter 24

The low signaling tone of the EA had him wide awake in a split second, the years of training for emergencies never leaving him. His hand automatically reached for the apparatus, fumbling just a little before finding it. When the signal continued despite his order to shut up, he finally opened his eyes. It wasn't his EA running amok.

"Manda!" He whispered to the dark hair on his arm, "they're looking for ya!"

"I heard," she giggled, "just wondered how long it'd take you to figure that one out."

Jimmy frowned, "everything's a competition with you, ain't it?"

The smiling woman finally made a move to shut the annoying sound. Placing the EA behind her ear, she laid her torso across his chest. Looking at him with an amused smirk on her face while adjusting the EA. 'Manda' she mouthed, her nose wrinkling in a face of disgust at the name he had used. Jimmy had to chuckle at her antics, he loved that name on her. It was his secret weapon in the battle they were fighting. The way she kept him on his toes was perfect for him, the way she never asked anything, instead she constantly kept trying him out, in all manners. Checking if he was worthy. It was thrilling. She was thrilling.

While watching her face, he let his hand stroke back the hair from her face. She shrugged his hand off her, irritated. The gesture made Jimmy smile even broader. But then she turned to watch him, slowly freeing herself from the EA, a flicker of something Jimmy couldn't identify, in her eyes.

"What?"

"Shit," she replied, her eyes turning back to the EA, a pensive gaze resting on the apparatus."I'm called to town, something about an urgent HuRec document I need to sign for."

"And..." he asked, watching her intently, wondering about the shift in her.

"Well, I was in above my security clearance, and somebody did find out. Maybe Teaspoon was right, maybe this is my call for filing duty?" She smiled halfheartedly at him, moving slightly to look at him in the dark.

Wordlessly he shook his head, no that couldn't be it. He had grown accustomed to having her around, he'd miss her and it would most certainly be such a loss of talent to have her file memo-slots."No Amanda, I don't think that's it, probably just something you forgot to send them or something - something really stupid. It's HuRec we're talking about, lately they don't seem to be able to put two and two together."

Finally she cracked an authentic smile. "Ooooh Jimmy! You're sure you're all right?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're being optimistic, that's scary!"

"I know, funny, uh?" Playfully wrestling her, he was finally able to roll her over to lie under him. He smiled at her, wondering if he'd have even one bone intact if they'd engage in an actual fight, he didn't think he would.   
"I just can't believe how much of you's rubbed off on me."

Amanda laughed. "who'd a thunken that Jimmy Hickok would be so easy to rub off on?"

 _Who would have ever thought I'd find myself like this with any woman ever again? Falling fast for her. Letting her inside, telling her things, and god forbid it, loving?_ The notion scared him, he had to wipe it away from his brain, it wasn't right, he always lost focus when in love. Couldn't happen ever again.

"Enough thinkin'," he whispered to her, cupping her face in his hands. "I don't wanna think no more," he whispered to her before he kissed her. Her response was immediate, and she did wipe all thoughts out of his brain. But as he looked into her eyes, he knew she was keeping something from him.

He chose not to ask.

 

 

She left him sleeping, watching over her shoulder as she slid out of the room, careful not to wake him. It was still very early, the night had been restless, filled with questions. The same questions that whirled in her mind as she slid into the shower. What did the cryptic signs in their files mean? Even in her own? Why had those disappeared out of the public dB, had they even ever been there? Or was it some old registration mode that had fallen out of fashion? But why didn't all have that string of signs then? It didn't even seem important, but the fact that those signs were there, included in each of the Team 41 members' earliest files, only to disappear at a later date, was an enigma. It called for her to investigate further. Having memorized her own ¶AB123¿-2G¶, she couldn't for her life figure out what it was supposed to mean. But surely it was supposed to mean something?

Switching the water off, she looked at her own reflection in the foggy mirror, the frown on her forehead making her smirk. Worrying was no good, she'd have to ask around, dig into it, find out what it was all about, after all it was probably nothing. But it was her job to find out, wasn't it?

With a sigh, she wriggled herself into a cotton summer suit, courtesy of HuRec's fashion department, known to make clothes for something not quite human. She had to laugh at herself in the mirror, she looked darned awful in the suit.

The door opened and a sleepy Rachel walked in, casting a glance at her.

Amanda laughed out loud and swirled around, like on the catwalk. "Rach, what'ya think, should the creator of this be fined or what?"

"It must'a been a man," Rachel grinned. "Sometimes I just can't understand them, and they sure as hell don't understand me either!"

"Something wrong?" Picking up on Rachel's resigned tone of voice, Amanda guessed she wasn't talking about the fashion designer.

"Naw, I just need to get outta here for a while, need to some other faces around me."

Amanda smiled at the closing shower cabinet door, recognizing the frustration of a women with too many males to handle. Too much testosterone to constantly fight, too much male logic to endure. She had been there herself.   
"You know what Rach, you need a clinically male-free environment for a couple of hours."

"You're telling me?" The voice that came out of the cubicle was a confirmation of her diagnosis. The need to be just oneself, no males around, a time to giggle and try on lipsticks.

"Rach, I have the solution. I need to get into town and sign some papers, I might need you so I'm ordering you to come along!"

"Sign papers?"

"Probably my own indictment," Amanda leered on the closed door. "May need to have you bail me out."

The water was closed off and the door opened, letting out a towel clad, baffled Rachel; "What?"

"Just kiddin," she hurried to explain, "probably something I forgot all about, there are all these damned reports I keep getting asked to send them."

"Oh oh," Rachel sighed while turning to the mirror, reaching for a brush.

"Oh oh, what?"

"It's just that...well, you're part of the enemy so to say."

"Enemy?"

"Well, " Rachel threw a crooked smile over her shoulder at her, looking guilty as hell. "See, we've been altering some findings, nothing much, but just in case."

"What findings?" Her curiosity was growing, there was more to this woman than met the eye.

"PEA-levels and such."

Amanda laughed. "Kid and Lou's?"

"Among others'."

Amanda felt her cheeks turn warmer, knowing she had been caught with one or more dirty thoughts and deeds. She hadn't been aware they had been so closely monitored. "Uffa," she finally let out. "Well, I won't tell if you won't."

"I'm the culprit so you can count on me not telling," Rachel laughed as she finally got her hair untangled. "It's just ... you know I'd hate to see the group being split up for cases like these, after all it's just normal. Well maybe not the rate of it around this place," a bemused glance in Amanda's direction. "It's like an epidemic here but nevertheless, bound to happen occasionally, no?"

"Yeah," Amanda admitted, "there's been some discussion about it, the oath and all. Rather ridiculous, I thought they wanted us to procreate. I mean there's no law against it any other place, so why here?"

"Maybe not while working," Rachel laughed as she slid into the exact same outfit as Amanda, taking her sweet time in priming herself.

Amanda watched bemused, wondering how long it would take Rachel to notice what she was doing. And wondering if she even knew herself who she was doing it for? It was rather obvious.

Their eyes met in the mirror, the quick glimpse of guilt in the red-haired's eyes nearly escaping her. But she knew, and she let Rachel know she knew too.

Rachel's eyes softening, the stance getting less guarded as she met Amanda's knowing grin in the mirror. She couldn't help laughing herself, the laughter of a guilty woman. "C'mon, let's go bail you out!"

Amanda chuckled as she followed Rachel out the door.

 

 

Lou paused in the kitchen doorway, the sight of Teaspoon in an apron momentarily shocking her to silence. The man was mumbling to himself, kneeling down to peer into the oven. The basketball cap sliding down over his eyes, the kettle on the stove emanating spurts of water, eggs threatening to jump out from the power of the boiling water.

"Whoo hoo, boss? Where's the expertise?" Lou giggled as she ran over to help him, he was not an encouraging sight. The eggs were probably green by now by the looks of them.

"You mean Cody?" Teaspoon cast her the usual side looped grin, "sent him out to get some milk, safer that way. Where's your ... I mean Kid? He's up for cleaning duty. The kitchen is a mess."

She dared not look at the man while she hurried to set the table. "I have no idea Teaspoon, should I?" Peering at him she tried to assess how much he knew.

Teaspoon chuckled. "Louise, Louise, there's a saying you know...."

"Oh no, please," Lou muttered, very uneasy at the way the discussion was taking, "shouldn't you be checking that bread instead of serving speeches?"

"So much better on serving you youth my wisdom than mere bread, Lou. Ya know, you can't hide love or straw in your shoes."

"Straw in my shoes?" She looked at him, like truly fearing that the big bolt holding all the small ones had come loose.

Teaspoon bent down and opened the oven, a triumphant smile on his face, sending the left eye into the characteristic investigative crack. "Well yes, obviously! That what was folks used in their shoes five hundred years ago, straw. To keep the cold out. In clogs mostly but anyways, couldn't be hidden."

"Teaspoon? Are you all right? Straw?"

"Louise, Louise," Teaspoon chuckled, admiring the perfectly risen bread on the plate. "Perfection! Go get that beau of yours and ensemble the rest, a good old-fashioned breakfast is comin' up, guaranteed not to be forgotten soon."

Lou swallowed a wisecrack about the unforgettable breakfast and dropped the last fork onto its place, shaking her head at Teaspoon's mode of speaking. "Well Mr. Teaspoon, there ain't no clogs around and certainly no straw to put in them either. And beau's? Thought that was forbidden around here?"

"And I've never seen a bunch more eager to break that rule," Teaspoon grinned at her.

Lou sat herself down at the table, not knowing where to look. Cursing herself for letting go like she had. It would have to stop, right here and now, they were probably putting the whole group in a tight spot, breaking the rules. They were putting Teaspoon in an awkward position, forcing him to lie. It was just plain wrong and she had known it from the start, but hadn't been able to stop herself. It was wrong.   
"No worries Teaspoon, it won't happen again."

But the man had already stepped out onto the porch, hollering for the rest of them.

Lou gripped the fork and watched it closely, a man wasn't worth losing all this for. Never had been, she'd just have to remember the fate of her mother. Falling in love wasn't safe, she would fight it with all her strength. She'd have to get back to her old self, the independent Lou, the woman that knew the moves but never let her emotions rule her behavior.

Not even bothering to look at the group invading the kitchen, under constant amicable bickering, intent on collecting herself, she steeled herself to meet his eyes without melting. Walking by her, he let his hand rest on her shoulder for a moment, nothing much, just a touch. She shot him a warning glance, letting her eyes wander to the boys around the stove, but he didn't seem to care. Neither did her damned body and mind, it responded to him instantly, wanting to be close, needing to feel the connection.

Sitting down by her side, he filled her glass with milk while the boys brought the casserole's and pans. Seeming totally unaware of the inner fight she was experiencing. She let her eyes rest in his smiling ones and saw the shadow of a doubt cross the blue. Then she looked down onto her plate, knowing he had gotten the message. But it didn't feel good, it hurt her too. She had to fight not to lay a hand over his and tell him; 'I'm sorry'. For what she wasn't exactly sure. She had never made any promises.

 

 

"How many settlers are there now?" Rachel inquired as she slid off her horse at the postal office. "This town seems to be growing by the minute!"

"Four hundred and twenty two at this instance, fifteen more are coming later this afternoon," Amanda replied, looking up the street.

"They're going a tad fast ain't they? It wasn't supposed to be colonized this fast." Rachel remarked while looking down the new street, so different from last week. Now actually resembling an old western town. People she had no idea who they were saluting her as they passed. Peering up the street, she blinked in surprise, looked like a church or something was being built at the end of the street.

"If you ask me HuRec has lost all control," Amanda smirked. "Think it's kinda evident. Mark my words, the whole thing will unravel soon and then we'll truly be on our own." Glancing over at her companion, she shook her head. "nd you know what is likely to happen when people are let loose like this, without a safety net?"

"They'll learn to stick together?" Rachel tried optimistically.

"You're pulling my leg, right? Stick together, more likely it'll turn out to be the real Wild West, shoot first and ask questions later."

Rachel laughed and turned to Amanda: "You're starting to sound like Jimmy, you know that, don't you? Have some faith!"

"Jimmy's sounding like me, not the other way around, we share not only a profession Rach..."

"Oh, I know that," Rachel interrupted her with a leer.

"Oh, just shut up and be ready to bail me out!"

"Or not," Rachel snickered as she followed her into the brand new postal station.

 

 

Cody actually wrinkled his nose at the greenish tinge of the yoke as he split the egg in two. "Oh man," he groaned, "it was Rachel's turn to feed us, what she do, elope?"

"Yup," Teaspoon muttered from the end of the table, "said she was getting tired of feeding you lot, and I don't blame her."

"Aw Teaspoon," Cody tried to get his voice heard over the laughter around the table, "didn't exactly mean it like that. I just meant that Rachel and Emma never treat a poor innocent egg like this!"

"Well thank you Billy," Emma smiled, "for that nice compliment you'll get the honor of doing the dishes with me."

"What?" Cody glared at the rest at the table. "I'm not on the list for that!"

"You'd never be on the list of anything if you had your way," Kid remarked with a friendly grin in his direction.

Cody let his eyes dart between the grinning Kid and the equally amused Lou. "You two've certainly had your way around here lately so cut a poor fellow some slack, will ya?" He snickered contentedly at the faces his comrades made. "He he, thanks for confirming my suspicions," he grinned at them. "And you're on the list for the cleaning, Kid. I know since I checked. Buck, it's your turn tomorrow and Ike, you're after him."

"Remembers everything all of a sudden," Ike sighed wearily.

"That's right Cody," Emma said as she rose and started to collect the plates. "Then you and Lou go get the Withcomb cattle assessed. Complete physical and blood-works. Be sure to take the gloves with you Billy, you're gonna need them."

"Aw Emma, I'm eating here!"

"Billy, if you want more beef you gotta get into the reality of life, get them gloves and..."

"I get it, I get it, blackmail is what it is. Go on, all of ya. Leave this place to me to tidy up."

They all laughed as Cody remain, morosely staring at the egg-yoke still on his plate. A sigh escaping him. Scrambling to their feet, they readied themselves for the days work. Collecting the needed items, packing their bags. Cody still sitting at the table, looking lost and desolated.

"You think we pulled the joke too far?" Kid asked, genuinely concerned at the sight of their usually exuberant friend's sloping shoulders.

Buck turned to him with a skeptical look. "I bet he has something up his sleeve with that face of his."

"Something like apple-pie and whipped cream?" Ike remarked.

They all turned to watch Emma serve Cody a huge plate of still warm apple-pie, covering it with thickly whipped cream. Cody seemed to come out of his gloom slowly, just as slow as he moved the spoon with the delicious content. But they all saw the content grin he wasn't quite able to conceal.

"That's Cody, all right," Ike confirmed. "Always an ace up his sleeve."

"And apple-pie on the plate," Lou giggled. "I bet he'll do his tricks and have a serving from Rachel too when she comes back. Any takers?"

They all rolled their eyes as they filed out. Lou had to smile at the beaten expression on their faces, they already owed her, all of them. After all, she had a life long experience in hiding her emotions when she wanted too. It worked just fine in a poker game too, only time her survival technique seemed to fail her, was around the Kid. And she was working on that. No strings attached, only play and fun, nothing more, she told herself as she followed them out. But she still wasn't sure she'd manage it this time, with him. But she just would have to.

 

 

"Look at this!" Amanda waved a single paper under Rachel's nose, "this is what they dragged me here for?"

"Miss O'Connell," the clerk tried, "I still need..."

"The ignorant, floppy bastards, I sent this to them already, twice!"

Rachel smiled a calming smile in the clerk's direction as the paper cut the air dangerously close to his nose. "Amanda," she spoke. "I think you still need to sign it before..."

"What is this?" Amanda asked the clerk, "some joke?"

The young man behind the desk looked pleadingly at Rachel, visibly rattled by the outburst. When receiving no aid from her, he turned back to the fuming woman in front of him. "Miss O'Connell, I only do my work, I don't..."

"What I would like to know is why isn't your fellows doing theirs? I sent the whole shebang to them two weeks ago, and last week too, all neatly filed in memo-slots, numbered and all. They couldn't have missed it!"

"I'm so sorry Miss, I have no idea..."

"Incompetent wussies are what they are, all of them!"

The clerk just nodded, his hand shaking slightly as he held out the DNA-confirmer. "I would need your signature miss, if it isn't too much of a bother. It says here I..."

"I know what is says," Amanda cut him off for the fifth time. "I'll give you my signature twice too, maybe you all will get it this time, see? I'm putting my thumb here and voilá! a signature. See? Just like I did with those files. Shouldn't be so hard to receive them and log them now, right?"

"No miss." The clerk hasted to withdraw the apparatus out of her reach, like fearing she was about to destroy it at any instance.

"Thank you," Rachel smiled at him, the poor young man having been verbally and darned close to physically abused by Amanda for the last five minutes. The latter just wheezed, muttering loudly while she read the letter once again.

"Ma'am, there's more," he cast a glance at Amanda, "for Miss O'Connell." He looked like he was afraid Amanda would take a leap over the counter and break every bone in his body as he whispered the last sentence to Rachel. Amanda's eyes popped up from the noppo and disintegrated the last of the young man's self-confidence.

"I'll take it," Rachel offered, "any signing?"

The man shook his head and reached under the desk, extending a parcel to Rachel like it was a bomb about to explode. Rachel's fingers closed around the edge and the man let go off it, walking backwards to the sanctity of his office. Rachel could have sworn there were pearls of sweat on his forehead.

"More?" Amanda hissed, "more crap?"

Rachel peeked at the logo in the corner. "Nope, this is just some sample or something, see there's a company logo! Was sent to your HuRec address and then rerouted here. See, the postal service is finally starting to work!"

"I wish it hadn't," Amanda groaned, "you know what this means? It means two days work for me, that's what it means. And I sent it twice for goodness sake! I want the person who lost the files, no I want their heads on a plate, that's what I want!"

"Come on Amanda, it ain't that bad," Rachel tried to soothe. "I'll buy you a cafs before we head back! You want this? It's some kind of sample, a perfume or something." She recognized the name of the company, kept sending out all kinds of free samples.

"God heavens no! Toss it!"

"You haven't been out here as long as I have Amanda, heck if you won't use it, I will. I'm tired of smelling like a horse."

Amanda shrugged, "sure - whatever, personally I'd like to stuff the whole..."

"All right," Rachel intervened. "I get the picture, let's get that caffeine before you blow a fuse."

Following behind the briskly walking Amanda, she opened the parcel, turning it upside down to get to the sample. The moment it slid into her hand she felt a sharp edge cut into her skin. The flacon breaking as it hit her palm. "Shit!"

"What?" Amanda slowed her pace and turned to watch her.

"I cut myself on the thing, it broke. Weirdest thing!" Looking into her palm she tried to figure out how it was possible for a flacon to brake in that manner. Then the liquid found its way into the cut and she had to let the bottle fall back into the parcel and wipe her hand on her pants, disgusted.

Amanda looked at her. "You okay?"

"Sure." Looking at the bleeding cut, she hoped there was alcohol in the perfume, it would probably sterilize the cut just fine. Nothing to it. Finding a waste-bin, she threw the parcel and its content into it, the smell of what seemed an outdated stale perfume, clinging to her hand. Not a even a pleasant smell.   
"Let's get that cafs."


	25. Chapter 25

"So where've you been all this time? And don't tell me it took you this long to check that cattle!" A teasing grin on his face, as it appeared over the stall. The blonde HuRec pioneer's face spoke of an imminent onslaught of mischievousness, his favorite pass-time.

"No Cody, we took a trip to Paris while we were at it. It's beautiful this time of year," Lou snickered. Dead set on not letting Cody get to her, this time she was prepared and any witty remark from the resident trouble-maker would be answered with calm and composition. Whatever Cody thought he had up his sleeve, she was prepared.

"Went and did some dancing did ya?"  
The innocent question was followed with a raucous laugh as Kid and Lou looked at each other, for a moment caught in mutual fearful wondering. Lou's lips moving in a silent question to the Kid. He looked absolutely baffled, a face so genuinely surprised that Cody felt he had to step in before Lou would burst in her seams and take out a revenge on the unsuspecting man at her side.

"See, there was a memo-slot on the floor in...." He started, but the reaction of the fierce young woman in front of him had him hold his tongue and wait for them to reveal even more than he already knew.

"What?" Lou turned back to Cody, her eyes now wide, the cheeks a rosy red that Cody suspected didn't stem from the heat outside. "A memo-slot?" She nearly stammered. A hasty glance at the Kid, partly accusatory, part questioning.

"Huh?" Kid finally cracked, his eyes still on Lou, obviously trying to figure out the cause of her distress. "What the hell are you talkin' 'bout, Billy? Who the hell told you..."

Lou backed up to him, close enough to plant her elbow in his side. "Kid," she let out in a low voice, a clear warning.

"In the recreation room," Cody clarified with a chuckle, visibly enjoying the situation. "It was lying there on the floor and I picked it up and checked..."

"You did what?" Lou's voice had risen a bit. Her hand gripped Kid's sleeve while she retreated slightly, stumbling into Kid. The latter looked at her, clearly alarmed by her rising desperation.

"Lou, what...?"

"Yeah, like I said, it was right there on the floor and I had to check who dropped it." He let the words sink in and watched the two. Lou's face had turned a brilliant red, her eyes wide as she stared in disbelief at Cody. The hand gripping Kid's arm so tight, he grimaced.

With a smile he continued; "Yeah, I heard the discussion in the kitchen," Cody's smile broadened further while he reached into his pocket and pulled the slot out. "I saw it had been on full record mode for 36 hours, I guess the two of you wanted this. I got the impression that maybe something had been going on while it was recording, maybe?" He couldn't hold it any longer but had to laugh. Lou's face had turned into a mixture of downright panic and disbelief.

"Full record mode?" Kid had finally caught up, "in the recreation room?"

"You can count your lucky stars it wasn't on 'send' mode," Cody laughed, "that would'a been something,"

Lou took two long steps and tried to snatch the slot out of Cody's hand. He held on to it, just a fraction of a second but enough time to have Lou's lips form a thin line. Then he smiled at her, letting the slot slide into her hand, a hand that gripped it firmly before she brought it to her chest and clasped the closed fist over her heart.

Cody smiled at the gesture, he doubted they'd ever need the slot. The memory would sure live in them all the same. Just as efficiently as any technical equipment. He watched a Kid's hand nestled around Lou's waist, pulling her into an embrace. Lou turned around and hid her face in Kid's coverall.

"Oh Lord," she exhaled shakily. "I forgot to turn it off! I was working with the dB and kept it on register just in case I'd let something slip by. I forgot all about it, it must have been there all along, on the couch."

Cody watched the impact the words had on Kid. It wasn't what he had expected, for just a brief moment he witnessed the blue eyes widen in shock, then he turned to the small form in his arms and kissed the top of her head. A smile forming on his lips, flashing in the eyes before he found his usual stoic expression and turned to Cody.

"Cody," Kid looked at him pleadingly, "please tell me you didn't..."

"Yeah, yeah, I promise! I didn't prod, I won't tell, well except the 'dancing' euphemism, coz' that's too funny to let go. And you owe me, big time!"

Lou turned her face to him and peered under her brow. "You promise?" Her voice sounded tiny.

Cody felt a tenderness sweep over him at the sight of her. She was ashamed and embarrassed. He found it unbelievable, at this day and age? Who would care? So why did she? Instead of using it as a retaliation for the lack in his love-life despite his tales, she was embarrassed? She could just as easily have used her and Kid's relation to mock his lack of one. The monk got more action than he did. Could have rubbed it in that they had found something he hadn't. But she didn't. And the way she automatically turned to Kid, and he in turn responded with that gesture of protectiveness was just too adorable for words. In that moment Cody had understood that this was something more than a fling, something deeper. Usually women used men for their own pleasure, flat out. No questions or strings attached. Just because they wanted to. The game of men haunting them still went on, like it had forever, but the tables had turned. Women held the power now, they chose, used for a while and then left. They didn't need the security of love any longer, they had it all now. They were the ones responsible and able to restore human kind, and that gave them all the power.

But Lou and Kid? There was something about the way they held on to each other, like the one wasn't whole without the other. Something Cody had never seen in real life, only read about. Way back in time, when poets wrote about it and novels were spun around that mythical thing. Love.

Cody shook his head, it was just a myth, love didn't exist, not the way it had been described. Love was just a series of neuro-chemical reactions. It came and it took your breath away and then it left your system. It had happened to him, he too had loved deeply only to be left. It would happen to Kid and Lou too, always did.

He shook his head at his own wildly running thoughts as he stepped out of the stall. Lou freed herself from Kid's hold and looked at him.  
"Thanks Billy," she said in a whisper. Her hand still gripping Kid's sleeve, like holding on to a lifeline.

"Sure, Lou," he nodded, "anytime."

"Oh please," Lou groaned, "don't remind me!"

Kid chuckled and swept her into his arms again, rocking her. Lou looked perfectly happy.

"Just name your first born after me," Cody grinned at the pair while he made his way out the door. "And please remember you owe me."

He didn't wait for an answer, he didn't need one. He wished them all the best in the world, he truly did. And most of all he wanted to know if what he just had seen was truly what he expected it to be? That mythical, self-sacrificing, all-forgiving and all-accepting love? It didn't exist now really, did it? It was only something people made up to make life more bearable. A dream among other dreams to chase. He smiled at his own rampant thoughts. It really must be contagious since it had him musing over something so fictional.

Didn't all the famous love-couples end up dead anyway? Like Romeo and Juliet, Isolde and Tristan, wait now, did they really die? Must have. And Cleopatra and that dude, what was his name, Antony? Wasn't she bit by a snake or something? Nope, every literary love had a bad ending, that was certain. _I gotta warn them before they get in over their heads. If it's not too late already?_ But of course, Lancelot and Guinevere was one of his favorite tales, they of course managed to bring a whole kingdom to its knees. He grinned widely as he rounded the corner and spotted Rachel on the porch. There was another candidate for heart-breaker of the year.

 

 

He waited till the door closed behind Cody before he looked down at her. She was breathing hard against his shirt, a slight tremor in her shoulders.

"It's okay Lou, it's just as much my fault. I forgot all about it, I'm so sorry."

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and dark, there was fear in them. A fear that he hated to see there. A fear he didn't quite understand. But her fear immediately transmitted to him, like a dark shadow, it fluttered into his awareness, like something was hovering over them. Something he couldn't see or touch, something that lay deep in Lou's eyes. "Lou?"

The dark shadow disappeared from her eyes, like she had willingly pushed it away. "I could have made a mess of everything, couldn't I?"

"Huh?" Still bewildered from the glimpse of the terror he had caught, he wasn't totally aware of the words she had spoken.

"If I'd had the send on..." Swallowing she diverted her eyes from his, resting her gaze on a button of his shirt, hiding her eyes from him. "It would have been all over the place. We'da been exposed Kid, could you take that? If you were forced to leave this place and HuRec 'coz of me?"

Involuntary he smiled. "Lou, if there is what I think there is on that slot - well, in that case - I think it's rather obvious it was concentual. And as far as I know, not against any law. Maybe against some moral code but who's to say?" Trying to catch her eyes, he bent towards her. "Why would they do anything, Lou? They must know already, they must have known for weeks how I feel."

Still refusing to look at him, she ducked his inquiring eyes and he instinctively knew there was something else behind her words. Something she wasn't telling him, and it hurt him that she didn't have the faith in him to say what really was bothering her. It hurt him more than he was willing to admit.

"I something happens and we're forced to leave this place, would you hate me for it?"

"What?" He was shocked over her words. "Lou, I don't understand..."

Slowly she disentangled her arms from his waist, stepping back to watch him. Her eyes now sad and thoughtful.  
"Are you sure, Kid? I mean we just don't know what will happen. What if we're both forced to leave? It says so in that contract you know; _'I will treat my colleagues as equals, always and under every circumstance. I will not favor or disregard anyone of my colleagues, or myself, during the operation, I will set aside my own personal convictions and needs to work primarily for the common good.'_ I know it by heart Kid, I've been wondering about it, and I think we're breaking it."

"Lou," he had to smile at her, wondering how on earth she didn't realize that he'd take every risk for her, and if it came down to choose between her and HuRec, he had no doubts. To him it wasn't even a choice."I don't care, I really don't. Like Teaspoon said, 'some rules are made to break'."

"And then," she held his gaze on him, still not convinced. "Would you resent me?"

"Please," he moaned, not able to take her doubts any longer, see them so plain and cruel in her eyes. Scooping her up in his arms, he shook his head at her doubts. "I'm here Lou, whatever happens I'll be here. You're not alone anymore." Her arms finally came up around his neck as he started walking. He hated the discussion, he hated the fear and the doubt in her eyes. And he hated the fact that he wasn't able to erase them. That he just didn't know what to do, except take her mind away from the dark thoughts, carry her away from the pain. He looked into her eyes, relieved that there was no sadness any longer, but a protest as he hauled her away. Then she smiled and hid her face, and he knew he'd carry her to the end of the world if she wanted him to. And he also knew that he loved her far more than she would ever love him, but he didn't mind. Not as long as he held her and her eyes were clear and calm. He didn't care about nothing else.

Lou closed her eyes and let her head rest on his shoulder, she had given him the perfect opportunity to bail out. But he didn't. She knew that it had been a test, unwittingly she had tested his love. Afraid it would turn out like the love of her father. And now she felt ashamed of doing so. He deserved more than covert manipulative actions from her part. Once again she had let her fear run her life. And it still did. _I have to tell Sean!_  
  
He let her down to her feet outside the barndoor, extending her a hand to hold. "C'mon Lou, let's go see what's for dinner."

She looked at the hand and then at him, smirking at the thought of publicly proclaiming her feelings. She had never walked hand in hand with a man at any instance, she had always refused.

But he didn't heed, he took her hand and clasped it into his, smiling teasingly at her. "It won't kill you Lou, I promise."

Just the hint that she was being scared enraged her to the point that she started walking, dragging him behind her. His chuckles made her anger dissipate just as fast as it had claimed her. She looked at him, pouting. "Okay Kid, you win. I give you this, but not in town, ya hear?"

He made a face of exaggerated shock in her direction, still chuckling, shaking his head in disbelief. Apparently he thought she was being more than silly. But she didn't even get mad at him, and it surprised her. Taking a tighter grip on the hand she smiled; no it wouldn't kill her. But it still scared her. And she still had to tell Sean.

 

 

Cody flung himself down on the last step, looking around the yard and sighing demonstratively. He peered at Rachel to see if she had gotten his innuendo about imminent starvation. But she looked down on her EA, not minding him. In fact, she hadn't said a word since her absentminded nod when she saluted him.

It was hot, and he was hungry. He could hear Sam and Emma talking in the kitchen, Teaspoon pitching some wise word in here and there, Emma laughing occasionally. It was peaceful.

Stretching, he rested his elbows on the wooden floor and looked up into the sky, letting the sun color his face. It had become a mayor asset to be naturally tanned. The Cupola-girls went crazy for that sort of things, or at least, so he heard. Smiling to himself, he pictured the effect he would have if he ever had the opportunity to go there and suck in the admiration and the envy. He'd never tell them that living out here was mostly hard work and not much entertaining at all. Well, except for Lou and Kid on occasions. That would kind of diminish his attraction, wouldn't it?

"Rach?" He had to ask if there was any trips to the headquarters coming up, in that case, he'd be the first to volunteer. She didn't answer so he looked at her and repeated her name. "Hey Rachel?"

She looked up, like waking from a nap, fixating her gaze on him like she wasn't even aware of the fact that he was there. "Uh?"

Her face was rosy.

He turned his gaze back to the open space in front of him and smiled; "Rach, Rach, what is on your mind this day? Or should I ask who...maybe?" He chuckled at the thought of having another couple to torment, but of course, Rachel was actually above him in the ranks so maybe he'd have to take it a little bit easier. Nice to see that even efficient women like her drifted off into daydreams, just like everybody else.

"So where's Noah?" He had to suppress the laughter, he didn't want to be quite as blunt with her, she could be rather impressive when she got mad. And she still held the power to make him do the most atrocious tasks if he stepped out of line. But nevertheless, a little teasing was just what she needed.

"Don't know."

Coming from Rachel the reply was unusually curt and dismissive. He cast a glance in her direction and noticed her eyes were again pointed to the EA in her hand.

"Is it broken?"

No answer.

"Rach, is it broken?" He repeated the question, turning to her, looking attentively at her. Something wasn't right. He got to his feet and walked up to her, her hands laying open in her lap, the EA resting there. He looked at her and she smiled weakly at him, her eyes shining like in a fever.  
"What's wrong?" he asked, alarmed by her silence. "Rach, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she closed her hand around the apparatus and rose. He noticed her wobbling legs, reaching out to steady her, he immediately realized what was wrong. She was burning up.

Kid and Lou appeared from behind the barn, walking hand in hand, grinning. He cast a glance over in their direction, like a question. Hoping somebody would have an explanation to this sudden outburst of fever. They must have picked up on his distress, they let go of each other and started running towards the house.

Rachel looked up at him, smiling again, shivering violently. "I'm okay Billy, just a little bit cold."

"Cody? Rach? What's up?" Lou stormed up on the porch, watching them both.

"Rach, you have a fever! You're burning up!" Without waiting for any explanations, he scooped her into his lap. "We gotta get you inside, Rach."

Kid extended a hand to lay it on her brow, his face turning serious. "Cody, take her to sickbay, Lou please get a hold of Noah! Where is he?"

"In town," Rachel mumbled. "I'll be fine, just a flu, I'll be fine. Please let go."

Kid opened the door, nodding for Cody to pass. Teaspoon turning up behind him, looking at them, chewing on a straw, "What's up?"

"Where's Noah?" Lou prodded, the anxiety on Kid's face telling her it was bad. "We gotta get him, Rach has a fever!"

"You all right darlin'?" Teaspoon asked the woman effortlessly fighting Cody to get loose. "I though I gave you that aspirin, ain't it working?"

"Teaspoon, tell them to let go..." her voice now weak, her efforts futile as Cody walked past them, taking the steps in fast strides, carrying her into the sterile room they all dreaded.

"You already gave her something?" Kid asked, "when and how much?"

"Noah! You there? You gotta come home now!" Teaspoon ordered into the EA. "She said she was feeling like she was coming down with something an hour ago. I gave her the usual anti-flu dose and some fluids. What? No it's Rachel, Noah - I'm talking about Rachel, she has a fever. No I don't know how high, yeah she's bein' taken care off, you just get back here in case we need you." Teaspoon tried to inform all parties at once.

Kid's jaw tightened. "I need some ice, now."

"Kid?" Lou started, but he was gone up the stairs before she had a chance to finish her sentence.

Emma put some ice-bags in Lou's hands. "Here ya go, Sam's gettin' in touch with HuRec. Maybe it's just the flu?"

For a moment Lou let her eyes rest on the now empty stairs, the one Cody and Kid had taken in three strides. Kid's drawn face told her enough, but then again, he wasn't a physician, only a vet. He might be wrong.  
"Let's wait for Noah," she said before she ran up the stairs.

Cody stood in the doorway, blocking her path. Without a word he took the ice-bags out of her hands, tossing them to Kid, before turning and trying to push her out.

"Hey!"

"Sorry Lou, can't come in, vet's orders. We don't know what it is."

"What the hell? Let me inside, now!"

"Yeah, let her inside, it's not viral anyhow," Kid said, looking down at the Invitae. "I have no friggin' idea what this is, but if we don't get the temperature down soon, her brain will get fried."

Lou pushed her way to Kid's side, watching Rachel on the stretcher. Her breathing heavy, eyes half-closed. A shiver ran through her and her muscles cramped.

"Oh hell," Kid cursed. "A damned seizure!"

A wave of fear ran through Lou, instinctively she reached out to adjust the ice-bags around Rachel's neck.

Kid stopped her. "Don't, Lou."

Startled she looked at him, not understanding why he was stopping her. "I was just trying to adjust the íce, Kid."

"I know, just don't touch her, please, we don't know what it is. We don't know how it's transmitted, Lou. Until we do, please stay at a distance."

His words caused her to take a step back, her eyes flying to Cody, then back to Kid. "But you two..."

"I know, I'm not saying anything will happen, but just in case."

"Her temperature is 41 centigrades, still rising," Cody was keeping an eyes on the Invitae, two red lights flashing, the third a threatening orange. "Where's Noah?"

"In town, but he's on his way."

Without a word Kid turned to the cabinet, jerking out a drawer, looking through it, slamming it shut. Then he repeated the procedure with he next two drawers at his reach.

"What the hell are you doin' Kid?" Cody lashed out. "Now's no time to start tidying up the premises. She's at 41,2 already!"

"Gotta get a line in, and give her ibuprofen."

"You can't Kid, you're the vet, not the doc!" Cody shook his head fervently, "if something happens you'll be indicted and probably even sentenced. Do you even know what you're doing? She's no damned horse, Kid! You can't touch her, not with any prescription meds!"

"He's right Kid," Lou knew far too well what was at stake, but she also saw the temperature rapidly rising. "Noah will be here any minute Kid, just wait!"

"Wait? Till her brain gets permanently damaged? I'll take the chance, the two of you get outta the room, if you're here you're just as liable, get out."

Lou shook her head, "No Kid, I'll stay."

"Just do it," Cody muttered, "but I'll beat you senseless if you hurt her, I really will."

"Thanks for the confidence," Kid muttered.

Lou watched as the metallurgic component slid into the swollen vein, holding her breath as another seizure shook her friend. And the fever kept rising. Tensing Rachel's muscles, eyes rolling in the sockets, foam forming in the corner of her mouth. Lou realized it was worse than she had originally thought, tears threatened behind her lids, her mouth went dry. Her own breath didn't come evenly any longer. She couldn't watch Rachel's shivering form, her eyes seeking the Kid, hoping for comfort. But his face was still drawn, his hands holding Rachel to her place, fighting the ice-bags that kept sliding off Rachel's neck due to the violent trembles. The breathing of her friend now ragged and labored. Kid's lips a slim white line as he reached to push more of the medication into the vein of the flailing arm. Time seemed oddly slow while she watched the scene, no changes in the Invitae's low intermittent warning signal. It filled the room, like a bad omen. Accompanied with the sound of pain-filled exhales.

"I need to bag her," Kid let out, "she won't...."

The door opened behind Lou, rapid steps over the floor before she was pushed to the side. Stumbling towards the medicine cabinet, she saw Noah stepping up to Kid, wheezing at him, asking what the hell he was doing? Then he must have noticed Rachel's condition, the blueness of her lips, the seizures. For a moment he stood absolutely still, and Kid pushed the last of the meds in. Reaching for something, pushing Noah out of his way.

Noah turned and gripped Kid's collar hard, and then he flung him onto the glass cabinet, the glass immediately breaking, turning a dim white, then it sank onto the floor, like following Kid's motion.

"You'll pay for this," Noah said grimly before turning to Rachel and bagging her.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mupping - Working with multipolar inuters that function within the same concept as human brains linked together, only the random flashes of creativity is lacking due to the failure to re-enact the human brainstems entropy comibined with the cortex's negentropy (See Matti Bergström and his research.)

Noah's explosive anger stilled the room. The only motion was the pumping bag at Rachel's side, it wheezed and sighed as it pumped air into her. She was still now, not twitching any longer. No movements at all, just her chest rising and sinking, but nothing else. Then the lights on the Invitae faded out and she took a deep breath. Noah's hand shook when he flicked the oxygen on automatic. His hand coming back, removing a string of sweaty hair from Rachel's brow, his stance revealing his concern. And it was not just a doctor's for his patient.

Lou finally looked down at the Kid still sitting leaned up against the door of the cabinet, shattered glass all around him. Glittering in the sunshine that fell in through the window. He wasn't moving either, he looked at Noah, steadily, but Lou couldn't read the expression in his eyes, because there was none. His silence made her worry.  
"Are you all right, Kid?"

Noah shot her a glance, it was full of disdain. And it enraged her.

"Fine," Kid said tonelessly as he rose, glass falling to the floor with a chink. The silence in the room emphasizing the sound, making Noah's shoulders sink as he looked to the ground. He stood hovering over Rachel's face, his hands pressed to the sheet on either side of her head, like shielding her. Lou had to wonder from what exactly?

"Her fever is coming down," Cody cracked, "she's responding to the meds."

Lou remain looking at Noah, expecting him to explain his odd behavior, that anger that was directed at Kid. This wasn't the Noah she knew. The silence unnerved her, it felt threatening, his glance was the last straw.  
"He was trying to help her, Noah!" Her voice came out as a whining accusation, not what she had intended.

"I told him to stay clear of her," Cody pitched in, "but he..."

"Shut up, Cody," Lou nearly screamed. "You have not right to say anything to him, at least he was here and he did something!"

"Lou," Kid warned.

"No Kid, I wanna know what the hell kind of stunt that was, Noah? What was that? Storming in and throwing people up against walls? What the hell were you thinking?" She got angrier with each word she spoke, it could have finished with Kid cut up, the flying glass could have hurt Rachel too.

"I made a mistake, I'm sorry." Noah spoke without looking at them.

"You don't make mistakes, Noah," Kid said as if he stated the facts.

His tone of voice so calm and composed in the midst of the confusion that Lou had to turn and look at him. He sounded like he expected something like this to happen. His voice revealing that he knew this was coming, like he had waited for it. She watched as Noah and Kid locked gazes over the room, one calm and composed, the other undoubtedly in remorse. Cody looked over at her, his face expressing the same bewilderment she felt right now.

"It's the fact that I'm one of those vets, isn't it?"

Noah looked down on Rachel, adjusting an ice bag slightly. The shoulders dropping a bit, like he had been caught red handed. But he said nothing.

"Those vets?" Cody asked, "what the hell are you talking about, Kid?"

"Nothing," Noah interrupted curtly, "don't concern you, Cody."

Cody looked over at Kid, now calmly reaching for the memo-slot, checking it before flipping it onto the stretcher, "There you go Noah, everything I did is logged. I won't..."

"Okay, both of you, quit talking like what happened didn't happen, spit it out!" Lou glared at the two men, not believing that what she just had witnessed had happened, and that nobody even bothered to tell why there was all this tension in the room. And it wasn't just because Rachel was sick, there was much more than that. "Kid? What is it? You did nothing wrong? Noah, why? Kid was just trying to help her!"

Noah didn't even look at her, he remain at Rachel's side, a hand over her wrist, protectively. Kid stayed put, looking at him, waiting.

Lou felt like the animosity was about to suffocate them all, it grew in the room, making her palms sweaty and her thoughts to run wild. "Please," she cracked at last.

"You tell her Noah, coz' I can only guess." Kid's voice was cold and distant.

"You know how I feel about what you stand for," Noah muttered, "it just isn't right."

"What!?" Lou felt like screaming. "What Kid? What the hell is he talking about?"

"Lou," Kid hesitated for a moment, "it's really nothing, Noah and me just have different standpoints on some things."

"What things?" Cody inquired, "what the hell is happening here?"

Kid sighed and looked to the floor. "All right, here's what I think; Noah knows I'm pro-equality among all life-forms and he's scared. He thinks I don't distinguish the rarity of every life, don't you Noah? At least, that's what most folks think."

Lou's eyes flew to Noah, but he still looked down at Rachel, but his shoulders fell further at Kid's words, his fist clinching the border of the stretcher.

"I don't understand," Lou let out in a whisper. "What's that got to do with this? And what exactly does it mean, Kid?"

"There are just some of us that think human life isn't the only lives worth saving, some of us think that each life has its own value. None of us, human or beast, have more right to a decent life than others. It's as simple as that. But it's often taken for granted that people like me would gladly let a human being die to save an ant. But you're wrong Noah. It's not as easy as that. Whatever you've heard or read, it's not as simple. And I won't do anything to Rachel 'cept help out in any way possible. I know you're afraid that most of us stand for the right for a peaceful death too. That's what scaring him, Lou and I might scare you too. I'm sorry, that's just what I believe in, but believing in it don't automatically mean I act on my beliefs. I just know that if I was tied up to a machine to keep me alive, I know what my choice is, but I can't speak for anybody else."

Lou felt relieved, for a moment she had been afraid Kid would confess to having off'ed half a dozen by mistake or something. But the fact that he was pro-equality didn't disturb her, never had. She too shared some of his beliefs. "Noah, he's not the only one, I believe in it too. I mean, if you kill off just one strand of bacteria it might have serious repercussions. We have a responsibility Noah, we have it 'coz we know. That doesn't mean ..."

"Of course you would," Noah cast a glance over at her, interrupting her. "But I happen to put human life above everything else, always. At any cost."

"Even thou' it might not be salvable all the same?" Kid inquired. "You're willing to sacrifice another life to save a human that stands no chance all the same?"

"Yes!" Noah spoke with conviction, "and if it was Lou laying here, you'd do the same!"

"No Noah, you're wrong, I wouldn't automatically do that, if it was possible, I'd let Lou decide. But that's not the case now, Noah, is it? It's Rach, and you're..."

"And if she wasn't able to?"

"I already killed one to save her, goddammit, don't that tell you enough?"

Kid's voice had gotten lower, threatening. It seemed that he had been defending his beliefs before, and was deadly tired of it by now. Lou walked up to him, reaching out to touch him, her hand gripping his sleeve. "Oh shit!" Retracting her hand, she watched the cuts the glass fragments on Kid's shirt had caused. Disgusted she shook her hand. A sharply pointed silvery splinter falling to the floor. "Holy hell Kid, get that shirt off!"

"Lou? Oh good, honey you need that taken care off. I'm so sorry, I had no idea! Noah, please, me and Cody'll watch over Rach, I think Lou needs stitches!"

"No," she looked up, from the profusely bleeding cut between her thumb and index finger to his face, now was the time to declare her faith and love for him, her trust. "No Kid, I want you to do it!"

"No honey, you better let Noah see to it, he's the doc." Kid was gripping her wrist, turning her hand up to the light, grimacing at the sight of blood oozing from the deep cut. "Noah, she's bleeding real bad, it's deep!"

When Noah moved to walk up to them Lou turned her head in his direction and shook her head. "No Noah, I want Kid to do it."

Cody let out a short derogatory snort. "Oh brother, we already know whose side you're on Lou, no need to flag it."

"Had no idea you were obliged to take sides Billy, thanks for pointing it out and making me see where you stand."  
Her reply wasn't meant to sound quite as accusatory as it did. Cody looked at her and shook his head, in a sign of disbelief at her statement. Lou calmly murdered him with a glance before turning back to Noah. The humiliation on Noah's face tugged at her heart for a brief moment, but she knew she did the right thing. She trusted Kid, and she knew he knew what he was doing. She needed to make that statement.

"All right, Lou," Noah mumbled. "I get it. Kid, take her to the other room, stitch her up, whatever. I have my hands full here, go on."

The dismissal in his voice flared up Lou's anger once again. And she felt the tension in the hand holding her wrist. "C'mon Kid, I want you to!"

Kid just nodded, his eyes glued to the wound in Lou's hand, he started backing out of the room, collecting the needed items with his free hand while he walked. When the door closed behind them, he looked at her with concern. "Lou, you didn't have to do that, it's all right, I can take it. Noah should be doin' this, I don't...."

"Oh shut up and stitch me."

 

 

"Goddammit!"

Sam's eyes flew in Teaspoon's direction, only to catch the sight of several memo-slots coming sailing through the air. Accompanied by another stream of invectives he hadn't heard in a long time.  
"What's goin' on? I'll have an equipped ASA soon, they're flying it in from Blue Cr..."

"They won't take her, Sam! The bastards has put us all in quarantine! I just got off a very interesting discussion between Noah and the head of security. As long as we don't know what's wrong, they ain't taking her, and that means we don't have all the necessary equipments to really see what's wrong with Rach. It's a true Catch 22, the bastards are gonna pay for this, I'm gonna make them pay for this! Get on line and get every medicine for every ailment shipped here! I don't care if we need them or not, I want them! They're gonna pay!"

"They can't to that!"

Teaspoon watched him morosely, having restored some of his usual calm. "According to code 123a/Sl they obviously can, was just read that damned code and it seems to fit. Don't make it right, but it fits, damned them!"

"So what you're saying is Rach's is stuck here?"

"What I'm saying is we're all stuck here! Let's pray we can figure out what the hell is going on, coz' something ain't right, Sam."

"Well, there's the fact that Rach is afflicted with some strange..."

"No Sam, there's something else going on, I can feel it in my bones. Just as sure as I feel the rain approaching."

"Teaspoon," Sam moaned, "don't start. If I remember correctly, you said it would rain yesterday and it didn't. I don't trust your knee any longer."

"Wanna bet?" The older man raised his eyebrow, scoff written all over him.

"Just hand me the list of the things you want, Teaspoon, I'll get to it."

"And throw a prayer in too," the team-leader mumbled as he rose. "I'll go check things out upstairs. I'll ask Emma if she can fix dinner. I think we need it. Specially after I break the news."

Sam smiled, whatever came, Teaspoon wouldn't miss his dinner. And that felt kind of safe. Whatever happened, there was some safety in the routines. They would have to stick to business and hope for the best. No need for everyone to get riled up, maybe it was just an infection of some kind? He tried to push all the evidence of foul-play to the back of his mind. No need to start suspecting all and everyone, better stay calm and composed, do what needed to be done. He logged in and shook his head at the items listed on Teaspoon's list, he'd have a hard time convincing them of the need of all this. Specially all that bacon.

 

 

Jimmy sauntered in, never minding Noah's wheeze of warning to stay out. He just ignored it and walked over to Lou and nodded to her bandaged hand; "What happened?"

"Cut myself, nothing to it."

"You okay?"

"Kid stitched me up."

"Noah has his hands full, huh?"

"That too," Lou admitted, her eyes still on the three inside the room with all the equipment. "Is it true?"

Jimmy cast her a glance and arched his eyebrow into a question. Walking over to shut the door to the adjoining sickbay, he cast a glance at the situation inside the room, it seemed under control.

"Is it true they won't evacuate her? That we're all put in quarantine? Can they do that?"

"Yes," Jimmy replied, "it's standard procedure in cases like these."

"Cases like these?"

"Cases of perils due to unidentified contamination among pioneers."

"That's Rachel in there, Jimmy."

"I know," Jimmy sighed and looked to the floor. "Ike and Amanda are browsing through files to cross-check her symptoms, Sam's trying to provide us everything we need, Teaspoon's still negotiating with HuRec. We're doing everything Lou, but we need to find out what's wrong with her."

"And for that we would need more sophisticated equipment Jimmy, like the ones they have in a hospital." She sneered, "this is not right Jimmy, she should be under constant surveillance..."

"She is Lou," Jimmy looked into the room through the large screen dividing the sickbay and the adjoining room. "If it's surveillance you want, she's got it."

"He loves her Jimmy, I know he does, I can tell by the way he lashed out at the Kid. He was just afraid, I understand that now. I think he doesn't even know it himself, but he loves Rachel, that old-fashioned way."

"The way you love Kid," Jimmy smiled knowingly. "I know, it happens to all sooner or later, it's just you women that keep fighting it. Keep teasing us and playing with us." The grin broadened.

"You just don't get it do you Jimmy," Lou muttered, "love is dangerous, scrambles your head up something fierce."

"Oh, I know Lou, I know it better than you can imagine."

The dark tone in his voice had Lou look at him, waiting for some further explanation. But he didn't offer any. Instead he rose and patted her knee. "I'll go check what I can do 'bout this."

"Don't go in there," Lou warned, "here, take this memo-slot and cross-check every result through the dB and mirror the results with the multipolar-inuter. There's like sixteen billion documents that we need to go through."

"Clerical-work?" Jimmy groaned, "just can't stand it."

"Shut up and get muppin'."

 

 

_She was wandering a long narrow corridor, a thousand doors flanking her, memo-slots flying oddly around, leading her on. Anxiously she opened every door to find millions of memo-slots whirling in the air, coming at her, slipping through her fingers as she tried to catch them. She needed the red ones, she just knew it, but she couldn't get to them. The hint of missing something important, no vital - haunting her, something she had to get to, something she felt she had..._

"Lou?"

Opening her eyes, she looked into Ike's green orbs. What the hell was he doing in this maze? "Ike, I have a feeling we're on to it, it's just around..."

"Lou," Ike chuckled, "time to wake up and have some food, really."

"Oh Lord," she moaned as she sat up on the makeshift bed. "I was close this time, I know, had something there..."

"Lou, you can't keep doing this, it's been days, you gotta eat proper."

"Yes Ma," Lou mocked. " Rachel?" Looking into the room she saw Emma sitting by Rachel's side, keeping an eye on the monitors. "Where's Noah?"

Jimmy got him to sit down for a minute, next thing we knew he went out like a light. He's sleeping, or maybe he's unconscious, not quite sure. Was up for seventy-two hours, started to ramble."

"No change then?" She knew it already, she could tell by the monitors; they still signaled the same warnings and Lou knew Rachel wouldn't sustain this kind of medication for long. Sooner or later, her organs would give in and she'd slip away from them.

"Well. she's getting weaker," Ike said, "her spleen is taking an awful beating, I think Noah had some ideas about that, Kid's on it, checking for answers."

"Spleen?"

"Yeah, really enlarged and..."

"Oh God!" Lou rose to her feet. "Ike, I've had it in the back of my mind for a long time, I knew it was there. That's it, I know what it is!"

"Huh?"

"It's tri-S Ike, plain and simple!"

"Tri es what?"

"The Simmons-Shafer-Syndrome Ike, it's a man made disease, a prion induced genetic disorder, it changes the blood's composition ever so minutely but very effectively. Oh Lord, why didn't I see this before? It was intended as a biochemical warfare agent, Simmons and Shafer discovered it in 2025, they just stumbled upon it and reported it and then it was banned throughout the world. There was no indication of them ever finding the origin. It kills very slowly, and it's targeted for socio-economically highly developed areas. It takes days to kill a person, and the effort to keep them alive would cost the societies enormous amounts of manpower, hi-tech equipment and medication, draining the society completely. It was a devilish thing Ike, luckily it was found before set in....action."

"Before now," Ike completed the sentence.

"And I don't know if there's any cure for it, the plan was discovered and nullified before any massive outbreak. They planned to use it in a massive influenza inoculation, luckily Shafer and Simmons found it and stopped the process. But then thousands of people died. It's all in there, I've just read about it."

"Would probably be classified information, right?"

"If there ever was any further research done, I'm sure it's classified, I only happened upon the description."

"Military file?"

Lou nodded, suddenly disappointed. The breakthrough they had all strived to find seemed futile now. Knowing the ailment didn't help them after all, not as they had hoped. It seemed useless, there was no cure for this disease. A tiny fraction of the genetic code had been altered, cunningly so, forced to duplicate itself over and over. Attaching the immune-system, draining the body and in the end, killing the victim mercilessly. Now she knew why, but that still wasn't enough.

"Lou," Ike touched her shoulder, smiling at her. "It's not over yet, I know now what we're looking for and nothing can stop me from getting wherever I wanna get. Amanda and me'll fix it, we'll get you everything there's said, written or thought about this disease."

"At least we'll know what she died from," Lou said grimly, fighting the lump that was forming in her throat.

"Lou, get Kid and go have some food, both of you need it. Tell him everything you know about this. If there's no answers we gotta think of a solution ourselves. As simple as that."

She remain looking at him vanishing out the door. _As simple as that,_ she thought, _oh I wish it was_. Silently she opened the door into the main room and slipped inside, nodding to Emma as she looked up. Walking over to Kid and laying a hand on his shoulder.

Kid looked up and Lou saw the weariness in his eyes. It tugged at her heart, she had no idea how long he had been sitting there, checking for possible causes to Rachel's acute auto-immune reaction.

Pushing the chair back from the desk, he turned to her. "You should be sleepin' Lou, you've not had more than a couple of hours rest." His hands on her hips, his face lightning up upon seeing her. But she knew that smile wouldn't be there for very long.

She stroke the hair from his eyes. "Kid, I just figured it out. It's tri-S."

"What?"

"Look it up!"

He gave the order to the EA, watching her intently while he did. Then he closed his eyes for a moment, draping his arms around her waist, he pulled her into his lap. His breath becoming more rapid and tense. He said nothing while listening to the EA, muscles tense in concentration. At last he pulled her closer and laid his brow on her shoulder, holding onto her in a desperate embrace. "Oh shit!"

Lou leaned onto him, snuggling her arms around his neck and letting her head rest heavily on the broad shoulder. Then she cried bitterly.


	27. Chapter 27

"What's up, Ike? Is Rachel worse?"

Ike looked at their team-leader, not exactly knowing how to tell him about Lou's discovery. The grimness of the disease, the fact that it was man-made, the product of a twisted mind, undoubtedly. But why? Feeling he needed to know more before he said anything, he hesitated in telling the weary man, what if Lou was wrong? What if it was something else, something not quite as lethal? Maybe it was, after all they didn't have actual proof of anything yet. But the few things he had read on his way down - fit exactly. It fitted like a glove, the fever, the auto-immune reaction, the non significant findings in all tests. Lou was right, and he knew he had to tell Teaspoon.

"Well, speak up, son!"

But right now, Ike couldn't trust his own voice, right now he felt like screaming and kicking. He was mad as hell, but there was really nobody to be mad at.  
"It's tri-S." His voice was absolutely calm, and it surprised him. And the need to talk to Emily surprised him even more. In the midst of all this, all he wanted was to talk to his girl.

"Eh?"

Buck emerged behind Teaspoon, looking at him just as demandingly.

"What's wrong, Ike?"

"Look it up, or ask Lou, I have some answers to find! Buck, you're with me!" Grabbing his friend's arm, he dragged him to Teaspoon's office. "Tri-S," he said curtly over his shoulder. "Ask Lou."

"What the heck is....." Buck glared at him, not as easily dismissed.

"Shh," he made a sound for Buck to stay quiet, there was no time for words now. Silently he walked over to the metallic shelf, the sparse EAs thrown into the box on the middle shelf. He needed at least five per person to cover his tracks. He found six in there, far too few. "Shit!"

"What?"

"I was hoping we both could search."

"Search for what, Ike? You're not making much sense!"

"The remedy Buck, but there's too few EA's."

"You're gonna tap into HuRec again, aren't you?"

Ike didn't bother to explain, he'd have to do it himself, if one of them did it through five EAs, they wouldn't be caught, well probably not. But two on four? The chances of being detected grew by thousand by each missing buffers.  
"Not the HuRec Buck, the Army."

"Dying for a court martial are we?"

"It's ok Buck, no need, you can go. Sorry I bothered you."

Buck did what he always did when Ike got irritated and edgy, he called for the only solace he knew. The voice on the other end expressing trepidation; "Buck?"

"I need help." He looked over at Ike, the man was still fidgeting with the EAs, placing them on the desk, side by side.

"Ike?" The question came out in a rush of air.

Buck was clearly able to visualize the face of Emily, the worry on it. He smiled. "Yeah, he's being a mule again."

"What'ya mean 'being a mule'?" Her utterance was a low warning protest.

"Ornery," Buck said and held back a chuckle.

"Hey!" Now it was filled with outright indignity. "That's my man you're talking about!"

"Not for long," Buck hinted.

A long silence followed.

Buck decided to let her off the hook. "He's fixing to get looked up with Amanda after the court martial. Won't let me help, oh no, wants to this all by his own. We need to find some answers and he's not being very cooperative right now. In fact he's not talking at all, telling me nothing. See, if he would let me in, it'd be the two of us and not...."

The line disconnected and he laughed as Ike looked up at him, totally bewildered. Holding a hand over his EA, like that would prevent Emily from giving him a third degree. In a rather loud manner, as it seemed.

"No Em," Ike responded meekly, glancing up at Buck, eyes narrowing in annoyance, caught in the two-front battle. "Of course I won't - no no no, that's not it, I gotta find a - never mind Buck! Of course I will - sure Em, I promise - What? - Oh no you won't! No I don't want you to - Em? Yes I will, you just stay put and let me - sorry, Buck and me handle this - yeah I'll let you know - yeah I know you will. All right, all right, I know - I will - sure - love you - promise- yeah- all right - don't worry - mmmh - hmm -uh huh - mmmh hmmm"

Buck watched how the woman changed the look on his friend's face from a stern concentrated official to a puppy dog being scratched behind its ear. His chuckle made Ike turn his back on him and continue the humming discussion for another few minutes. Buck seated himself behind the desk and plugged the EA's in like he had seen Ike do before. Luckily he was a quick learner. And he had worked for the Army once, during collage. Little had he known then that those dreadful five months of weather charting would come in handy now.

When Ike finally got unleashed, Buck was already tapped into their system. Level 2 and undetected.

"Buck." Ike sighed.

 

 

At the sound of someone moving in the other room Lou freed herself from Kid's hold. Jumping to her feet, straightening her clothes. Feeling silly for her outburst, silly and guilty. It felt like she was mourning Rachel already, like she had given up.

Teaspoon appeared in the other room, looking at her, motioning for her to step out. Sam appeared right behind him,

"Kid?" Emma asked, "can we leave Rach for a while?"

Kid rose and checked the monitors, finally nodding his agreement. "She's stable." He moved to open the door for them.

Lou realized they hadn't said a word to Emma either, they had closed themselves in and acted like two selfish brats. They really should be tossed out of the project. Ashamed, she tagged along, hating to be the bearer of bad news.

Filing out of the room, she looked at Sam and Teaspoon, hoping they had come to tell her she was wrong, that they knew what Rachel was suffering from, that she was a fool and had gotten everything wrong. But both men looked at her, expectantly. She cringed, searching for the right words, a possible way to make what she had to say sound more hopeful. The door closed behind Kid and Emma - and Lou started her briefing. She told them everything she knew, knowing it wasn't nearly enough. But it was all she had to offer.

"Told Noah yet?" Sam inquired quietly at the end of her tale.

"No," Lou admitted, "he's still asleep. I told Ike thou."

Sam nodded, "I know, he's down with Buck in the communication center, breaking every secrecy law there is, I suppose."

Emma puffed. "Ain't there another way around this? We gotta let HuRec know! Maybe they have a cure, somebody's got to!"

"What I wanna know is how she got it?" Kid asked. "Who the hell did this to her?"

Sam glanced at him briefly, the MeGlu stick still in his mouth. Sam was chewing on it, as always when deep in thoughts. Pensively he looked around the crowd, his eyes pausing on Lou. "Any ideas?"

"The Army or HuRec probably," Lou admitted. "I can't see any others having neither the knowledge nor the technology."

"There's only one way to find out," Teaspoon intervened. "Sam get in touch with HuRec and tell them what's going on. Their reactions to the news will tell us plenty. I'll speak to Erbach."

"Erbach?" Emma questioned.

"He's an old friend o'mine, he might know and I still have some clout with him. In the meantime, Kid get Noah! Emma please, some food?"

"It's Cody's turn, Teaspoon," Emma pointed out.

"How many sick people do you want in this place?" Teaspoon smirked. "he can't fry bacon if his life depended on it."

"Bacon? Teaspoon, for crying out loud, you know what Rachel said about your bacon diet! An' I happen to agree."

They all looked inside the room, hoping Rachel would rise and give Teaspoon a very stern lecture on the health hazards of excessive consumption of animal fats. It didn't happen.

"You ain't getting no bacon Teaspoon, I'll see to that," Emma promised. "Now everybody scoot, do what needs to be done, we'll work this through. Nobody's dying while I'm around. You hear?"

Teaspoon smiled and flicked the baseball cap further back. "Got it, boss!"

 

 

Buck eyed through the electronic documents, flashing swiftly through them, search engines working, spitting out more and more. Nothing that was relevant so far, nothing at all. They'd been at it for hours. And still nothing. It seemed useless, and time was running out. Rachel wouldn't stand the heavy medicating for much longer, her body had worn out all its reserves by now. And HuRec didn't even believe them! They had blatantly denied their request for evacuation, yet again. It was a denial of everything HuRec claimed to be, it was sacrilegious.

His scanning paused at one word and he looked at it, not quite understanding why; "COL WPL, IA- sentence 1108/08 - R454A." He looked at the line more closely, wondering what it had to do with his search? Absolutely nothing as it seemed. Who the hell was colonel WPL and why should he care?

"Ike, this search is not working! I get all kinds of damned stuff in here, we'll be sitting here for years!"

"Narrow it then," Ike said simply, not minding his outburst.

Buck sighed and let the document of the sentencing show on the wall. As expected there was nothing much that would help. Colonel WPL had been sentenced for engagement in the black-market. Well, he wasn't the first and not the last to do so. So why the big deal and why was the document sealed? Flicking onto the sentence, he stared at the image that formed on the wall.

"Longley?" Ike asked, "where the hell did you go and find Longley?"

The text appeared;  
 _§R454A : 1108/08 - Southern Military District - 2307_  
Colonel William P Longley, adherent to the Biotech Division  
was court-martialed for involvement with clandestine cloning and merchandising of the produce.  
Sentencing awaits.

_Allegations against ICC and HuRec's "Gen-O" project were dismissed.  
_

 

"What the hell does that mean? Cloning of what? Allegations?" Ike's tone was slightly irritated.

But Buck had already skipped ahead, feverishly skimming thorough the HuRec dB for "Gen-0". What he found made his breath catch. The list was incredibly long, name after name popped up, with signs attached. Signs he couldn't decipher. But there it was, a small dB all on its own. The name, date and year of birth, and those signs.

"Ike," Buck let out before flicking the image up onto the wall. "What's this about?"

Ike looked at the list on the wall, his eyes narrowing as they took in the long string of names. Then Buck watched as he took over, Emily's name popping up first, followed by Buck's own, Kid's, Lou's and Teaspoon's. Buck closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them up, he saw another name emerge on the screen; Ike's.

There was a long pause while they both stared flabbergasted at the screen, then Ike threw a glance in his direction and there; last on their list of names appeared the one of Longley himself.

The door behind them opened but neither of them turned. Buck found name after name on the list, old friends, parents and classmates. Most of the names he thought of appeared on the screen, followed by different signs.

He had an odd hollow feeling in his stomach, the more names he found, the more relief he felt. Maybe it was just a list of citizens having gotten misfiled? Then one name was missing and he knew that wasn't it. And it seemed nobody of the age over fifty was on the list at all.

"Boys?" Teaspoon asked, "getting anywhere?"

Guiltily they looked at each other, for a moment they had ventured off, driven by curiosity.

"Not really," Buck admitted. "I just found something really strange, it involves must of us somehow, ain't exactly sure what it is but Longley's there too and..."

"Longley?" Teaspoon asked.

"Yeah, I think I found out why we had the honor of monitoring him, found notice of his court martial and..."

"Any relevance?" Teaspoon cut him off again.

"Don't know, there is some mentioning of HuRec and, hold on, something called ICC and 'Gen 0'." Buck looked over to Ike, inviting him to jump in at any moment and offer some explanation.

"Damned," Teaspoon cursed, "ICC? That institute, boys, is one of the darkest chapters in human history. Search their files, every one of them. I'll get Amanda on it too. I think we're finally onto something here."

They watched him stepping out of the small room. Closing the door behind him. Buck remain staring pensively at the closed door. Teaspoon must be fooling himself, there was no way they would have the time to go though all the millions of files in a world wide institute, they'd never make it. "What's ICC Ike?"

"International Cloning Center, established 2039, yada yada yada - oh oh Buck!"

Buck turned to watch his friend by the desk, for a moment hoping Ike had accidentally found the documents they needed, That was their only hope, stumbling over it accidentally. "What?"

"You know who was on the payroll in 2294?"

"Longley?" Buck tossed out.

"And you know what happened 2298?"

"Nope."

Ike finally looked up at him, like to see if he was ready for what he had to say.

"What?" Buck urged.

"HuRec found out they traded in human clones."

"Excuse me?" Buck asked, feeling like he was part of some strange sci-fi story. "I don't understand? They tried cloning and it didn't work like expected, right? Back in 2000, why do it all over again? Human clones turned up everything but what they expected, I remember reading about it. And what has this to do with anything?"

"We clone animals all the time Buck, heck we restored hundreds of breeds like that. And I think the human cloning went wrong for other reasons than the biological. You know when you love yourself to that extent that you get to have yourself as your own son or daughter, well it's bound to have some severe psychological reverberations, right? That's why it was banned, from the get go. But of course, somebody had to break even that law. And ICC had the equipment and the knowledge, the leap from animals to humans was merely moral, what was there to stop them?"

Buck looked at Ike, seldom had he ever heard such a long stream of words come out of him. The talkativeness baffled him almost as much as the words that came out of him. "And Longley?"

"He left before the showdown, he deserted to the Army," Ike replied thoughtfully. "Gosh, I wonder how those people that were cloned feel? Can you imagine, having been alive before? You think they know that? You think they make the same choices and mistakes they did before?"

"Ike," Buck shook his head, "let's leave them alone and find the ICC dB. Let's just follow Longley's lead."

"Where ever it takes us you mean?" Ike smirked.

That's right," Buck nodded, "wherever it takes us."

 

 

"Noah!"

His eyes flew open. For a moment he felt totally disoriented, not recognizing the voice, or where he was at.

"Noah, we, I mean Lou, well... we have some news."

He finally recognized Kid's voice from behind the door. With a groan he dragged his weary legs over the bed and posted his aching feet on the floor. "Is she worse?"

"No - she's stable, for now."

"I'm up, just give me a minute." Resting his aching head in his palms, he tried to concentrate and make the splitting headache disappear with mere power of will. It had been three days he had been deprived of much needed sleep. And now Kid came to wake him up when he just had found some rest.  
"Jesus Christ," he moaned, "couldn't this have waited for a few hours?" He felt instantly irritated, mad at the Kid for waking him up, mad at him for not being as much help as he would be if he was an actual physician, mad that he had so little help now that he needed it the most. Wishing at least Rachel would be there to help him, she would have known more than a fricken vet!

He rose, afraid where his thoughts would take him if he let them wander. Or where this rage he felt building up inside at the thought of his inadequacy right now, would eventually lead him. He hadn't felt this angry for so long, he had learned how to master the rage. But now it seemed all the hard learned lessons were gone. Now he felt like exploding.

He drew a deep breath before opening the door. "What?"

Kid was instantly on his guard by the tone of his voice. Noah noticed the tensing of the jaw-line, the altered posture. Noah knew he was being unfair, he knew it, but he needed to let the steam out. And Kid seemed to be there to take it.

"Lou found some evidence that Rachel's got Tri-S," Kid said curtly and turned to walk back to the sickbay.

His blatant dismissal enraged Noah even more. The way he turned his back and walked out told Noah it was Kid's payback for the harsh words on his status as a mere vet. His backside spoke of superiority, plain and simple. Noah knew that for the moment, Kid had the upper hand and he wouldn't let him forget the incident. He desperately searched the dB but noting came up. How the hell was it spelled? What the hell was it?

Kid opened the door and Noah launched himself to grab onto him. "Can't find it!"

Lou sat at Rachel's side, casting a concerned glance at them.

Kid smiled in her direction and Noah felt the blood disappear from his head. The two of them, smiling at each other, while the woman he loved....

Something snapped in him, he just couldn't take it any longer. His fist closed around Kid's collar and he shoved him up against the wall. But he couldn't find any words. He never heard the door to the inner room open and Lou rush out. He only felt somebody tug at his shirt. He must have turned and accidentally hit her, she stepped back and a hand flew up to her chest. Her face expressing surprise and pain. The realization of hurting Lou stalled him for a moment, he had never intended to hurt her. Next he knew Kid's fist landed hard on his torso, sending him stumbling backwards.

"Don't touch her!" Kid growled and grabbed him hard, trying to push him to the floor. He knew by the grip that Kid was not joshing, he was mad as hell. In pure defense Noah struck out again. Kid flew back and the door opened, the glass in the frame wavering from the impact. Kid's grip on his upper arm never leaving, dragging him along in the fall.

Lou hollered for help in the moment his knuckle hit Kid's jaw, sending his head crashing into the wall on the opposite side. The grip finally gone. But he had no time to recollect himself before another blow was delivered. Blinding him and sending darts of pain to the root of his skull.

When Kid elbowed him hard, Noah responded promptly. He held nothing back, he let all his frustration out with the hard blows. There was nothing clean about the fight, it was dirty and cruel. And he felt no pain whatsoever, all he felt was a rage so strong it blinded him.

He was dimly aware of more people on the floor, arms trying to hold him back. Almost choking him. A liberating rush when he was able to free himself and plant a series of hard jabs under Kid's jaw, his knuckles starting to protest. Pain filtering in through his rage. He held Kid pinned to the floor, a warning flashing through his mind as the man under him wheezed and fought for air. A warning that he had to let go, some deep rooted instinct telling him he had to stop.

Then everything went black.

 

 

Lou stood back and watched, not believing her eyes. The fight before her had been animalistic, like they both were out for each others' blood. She had never seen anything like it. And those awful sounds, the explosive contacts of knuckles against flesh. The blood springing from Kid's nose at the contact, the sound when heads crashed against walls. Those muffled groans. The guttural warnings. She knew these men and she had never expected them to act like this, like wild animals. No worse, like murdering maniacs.

Jimmy released his grip on Noah's neck; "That outta hold him for a while." He flipped Noah over and laid him down at Kid's side. "I thought he was gonna kill you! What the hell did you do to get him that mad? You all right? I mean, you're not gonna drop dead on me, are you?"

Kid obviously had some trouble collecting himself, trying to sit up only resulted in him crashing back to the floor with a groan. His nose was bleeding profusely and his left cheek was rapidly swelling, he winced when he opened and shut his right fist. His chest heaving as he fought for air. Then he leaned his head up against the wall and shut his eyes.

Lou remain at the other end of the hall, looking.

"Someone, please get me some ice or something," Teaspoon finally shattered the silence of the crowd at the top of the stairs.

"I'll get it," Amanda said and pushed her way through the stunned group. "You didn't overdo it now, did you?" she asked Jimmy over her shoulder.

"Nah," Jimmy said and kneeled by Noah's side. "He'll be coming around soon, us protors have our ways."

"Nice work, son," Teaspoon admitted with a crooked grin. "I always thought it'd be you in a fight Jimmy, never these two!"

Noah moved and Jimmy put a hand on his shoulder to hold him down. But his head popped up and he looked around the gathered members, seemingly surprised to see them all there.

"Take it easy, " Jimmy warned. "Manda's getting some ice for the two of you."

Noah looked at Jimmy like he had no idea what the former was talking about. But then his eyes fell on Kid and the whole truth seemed to dawn on him. He groaned and let his head fall back. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes; "Geez Kid, you look awful!"

Lou watched them both, wondering what would have happened if Jimmy and Teaspoon hadn't been there to stop the fight. Would they have killed each other? She knew they were both more than capable, the way they had gone after each other had proved that. The rage they both had manifested was brutal. So totally unexpected. She knew by the look on the faces of the others that they had all seen it, the brutality. Something they had not expected to find, not in Kid or Noah. It was just Jimmy that seemed unfazed.

Her legs started shaking and she slid down to sit up against the wall. She truly knew next to nothing about the men she was working with. She embraced herself to stop trembling.


	28. Chapter 28

She remain sitting by the wall, holding her knees still with her arms. Not wanting everybody to see how scared she was. The others were stunned all right. But they didn't seem to share her fear.

Amanda walked right up to the two, flipping them each a couple of ice bags, looking disgusted at them where they sat sprawled. "What the hell's wrong with you?" Her voice revealed her impatience, much like a school teacher losing her wits around the rowdy loudmouthed boys always causing disruptions.

And much as such boys, neither of them forwarded any explanation.

"And here the rest of us work our butts off to find information to save Rachel, and what do you do? Start pounding on each other? Very constructive, indeed. Just what I expected from the two of you, highly skilled and schooled professionals. Yeah, that's right, beat each other up, just fine by me. But I think you're gonna regret it very soon coz' I have some news, and you'll both have to work together thanks to it. That is if you want to save Rachel?"

Both men looked up, Noah with a wince and Kid with blood running from his nose. Amanda made a face of disgust. "You're disgustin' both of you, you know that, don't you?"

Jimmy sank to his haunches looking at Noah intently: "Amanda and Ike found some indications how to cure that disease, Noah."

"Can you?" Teaspoon asked. His eyes piercing both of them.

"You found a cure? You sure?" Noah watched them incredulously, "what is his disease? What ya mean Teaspoon,'can you'?"

"Can you set whatever is going on between the two of you aside long enough to do what's needed?" Teaspoon repeated. "Coz' we can't move her right now. HuRec won't take her. And they don't believe in our diagnosis anyhow, we're still under quarantine, that means the two of you are stuck here too. And much as I hate it right now I need you both. I don't understand all that medical lingo in the report, but by the amount of words I don't get, I guess the cure is rather complicated. And it has to happen here. So can you?"

"What does it say?" Noah was already up on his feet, reaching for Amanda. "I need that report."

Amanda nodded and turned to let the text appear on the wall;

 _The Simmons-Shafer Syndrome,  
effects of massive transfusions and splenechtomy in 8 male subjects.  
by S. Lohengard  & al.Tokyo University of Bern.  
Phase 1 study._

 _Abstract_

 _Treatment N Result  
Control group 7 Survival rate =0  
Splenectomy*allogenetic infusion 3 Initial survival rate 2, prolonged rate =0 (p=n.s.)  
ACB*Prednisolon 5 Initial survival rate 2, prolonged rate =1 *see phase 2 study (p=n.s.)_

 _Eight males in the ages of 15-55 were subject to the study of the impact of artificial hemoglobin products (HemoN) in patients diagnosed with the Simmons-Shafer's Syndrome. HemoN was the main medication in Group 1(N=3), as profylact and post-surgery. In Group 2 (N=5), HemoN restituted the subjects' total amount of hemoglobin and the bone-marrow was replaced with concentrated HemoN and stem cell implantation. The main complication during the critical post operative period was severe infections of normally benign bacteria. Most of the subjects showed some reaction indicating HemoN's probable beneficial effect on the prion carried infection. The lack of antibodies in the product impeded further clinical evaluation._

 _Phase 2 study with HemoN as substitute for both natural blood and bone-marrow for a period of 7 days, after which the TRI-S prion is reported to disintegrate, probably due to autorecessive mutations in lack of keycells. Function of self-destruction yet unknown. Steroids have shown to have a positive effect on the binding to the T-A segments, (Phillips A, Meyer K and Richtroff, E., 2055)._

 

Noah watched the screen dully, wondering how Amanda thought this was good news? The survival rate was zero in all cases. All cases except one. That was a ratio that would in no case be accepted as a cure for anything. Even in a sample as minimal as this one. He had no wish to even read the paper, this was not good news, it was everything but. Bewildered he looked at the congregation around him, didn't they see that? Didn't they see that this was the confirmation of his worst fears, that whatever they did, they'd lose Rachel. He turned back to the text on the wall, reading it through more carefully now.

"Did you find the report on phase 2?" Kid asked.

"No," Amanda admitted defeated, "this is all we can find right now. Doesn't it help?"

"Some," Kid snarled before Jimmy threw him a tissue and glared at him. Like he was afraid that what he was going to say would infuriate Noah again.

"What else do you need?" Jimmy growled.

"How about a study where the survival rate is closer to at least 50/50," Kid muttered.

Noah looked frenetically for Phillips, Meyer and Richtroff, never minding the squabbling. A faint hope had been awoken in him, and now he wouldn't let up before he had as much info on the subject as ever possible. Never mind that there was close to thirty references in the report, there had to be something somewhere.

"I got it," Teaspoon said. "I found it."

All turned to look at him, Lou scrambled up to her feet. Amanda swirled around and smiled with pride. Jimmy looked skeptical. "You got it?"

Teaspoon nodded. "Follow the lead of the last accessed, that's always been the most secure way. Look!"

 _Tre-S, ACB and infections, a study of the BMT effect.  
by P. Järnefeldt and T. Kupari, HYKS 2062  
Phase 3 study._

 _**Abstract**_

 _28 cases of Tri-S afflicted Caucasian adult subjects were divided into three groups. One, the control group (C) was initially treated with the traditional ACR and prednisolon. Group I was treated with ACB and sygnic BMT with no additional infection inhibiting substances. The third sample received autologous BMT and Cykloine as profylact. All subject had the same base care (HemoN), see table 41 (p. 12). Results corroborate autologous BMT's and Cyckloine's significantly higher survival rate, [p >0.001]. ACB and syngeneic BMT had a lower significance, [p>0.05] both regarding immediate and prolonged survival rate. Cyckloine effectively encapsulates the lysosomes in the BM, thus preventing the cell deaths that is characteristic in the final stage of Tri-S._

 _Treatment N Result  
Control group 10 Initial survival rate 4 prolonged 2  
ACB-Infusions*syngeneic BMT  
8 Initial survival rate 6, prolonged rate 3 (p>05.)  
ACB-infusion*autologous BMT* Cyckloine 10 Initial survival rate 10, prolonged rate 7 (p>001)  
_

 

"That's it Noah," Kid said.

"Yeah," Noah nodded, "question is, can we do it?"

"You better," Teaspoon warned, "whatever that says, you're gonna do it. Ya hear? If I can find the report even if it's misspelled and all, you better make yourselves able to do whatever needs to be done. But first of all, patch each other up! Think that's punishment enough right now. Lou, go help them and Jimmy, stay close, just in case."

Both combatants muttered in protest. Teaspoon arched his left eyebrow and subdued the mumbles. With a glance over at Lou, he smiled. "Lou, you're in charge of these hotheads right now. See to it that they make themselves presentable. I'll go down order what we need and make a schedule."

"Wonderful," Lou muttered, watching the two stumbling into the sickbay.

Jimmy threw her a glance before following her inside.

 

 

 

 _"You moron!"_

The voice in his ear expressed scorn and a hint of superiority.

 _"Wrong woman to begin with and now I have reports that you led them right to the answer too. You did go through the files right? But why the hell did you have to save the articles on HuRec's dB?"  
_  
He had to organize his thoughts for a while, not quite understanding Longley's ranting. Yes, the wrong woman was infected, he knew that very well. And it shouldn't have happened, but it had and there was nothing he could do about that now. There was more than one in the group that had knowledge of hacking, he had just found that out too late. With all the eyes on the team right now, there was not much he could do. And yes, he had read everything there was to read about the Tri-S and it was hard to detect, no real biological evidence to follow, just that massive auto-immune reaction. And still Team 41 had diagnosed the syndrome in a matter of days. They were good, very good, but he was better.  
 _"Longley, all is taken care of."_ It was a blatant lie but Longley had to stay out for now.

The laughter on the other end had him cringe.

 _"Now listen you little scientist, you have nothing under control any longer. Nothing at all. You led them right to the report, you infected the wrong woman, you had them ride right onto us. No, it's over, you've messed up one time too many. I'm taking care of this now. And you better stay put and watch."_

 _"Longley, this isn't the wild west. I moved the records so they would believe we had actually looked into the Tri-S, we can't deny help if we know what it is, you know that. You need HuRec just as much as I do. Those reports are falsified, and they should be right where you found them. Think for a change. You just lay low for a while, I'll take care of Team 41."_   
_  
"Lay low? I didn't get into this to lay low! People are asking for clonads, people are willing to pay multum to get a pioneer into the family. I need them dead, now!"_

 _"You'll have to wait."_ He nearly screamed, so close to his goal and Longley too breathing down his neck. It wouldn't happen, he'd see to it. Somehow.

 _"I'll sell the genetic code anyhow, now is the time to react, the market is screaming for it."_

 _"That's right Einstein, sell the codes and burn. Yes, let the people test their kids and find exact replicas in the system, yes Longley, that's what you should have done instead of calling me 'moron'."_ He grimaced with disgust at the man letting out such stupidities without even pondering. Wasn't this just like any common criminal? Not enough intelligence to see the ramifications. And enough of plain idiocy to expose them all.

 _"Listen to me, I don't care who or what you are, you're as deep in this as I am. And from my point of view, you have more to lose than I do. I need them funds and you can't provide them any longer. I'm on my own, and I call the shots."_

 _"This is not the wild west Longley, you're acting like a ..."_

 _"Just shut up, I've had it with you and HuRec. I'm on it, just try and stop me. I'll take them all out, one by one. In the old fashioned way."_

The connection was lost.

For a moment he just sat there and stared into the wall, a chill starting from deep inside, slowly spreading along his spine. A spine he had long ago forgot he had. If Longley had his way, they'd be exposed in no time, the man had no brains whatsoever. He was a pathetic psychopath, a narcissistic megalomaniac. The most dangerous combination of all. He would take them all down, he'd expose the carefully planned study. His work for over three decades. The one he planned to publish in a couple of years. His name would forever be connected with the solution of the age old question; nature or nurture. His name would be up there, alongside Albert Einstein, Sigmund Freud, William James and Lev Vygotsky, all the true pioneers, the men he admired the most. Men from that time of the lonely scientist, aloof and odd, but with a geniality all admired. Men struggling against public misconceptions, misleading religiosity and pure ignorance. The clear scientific brain at its best. And he would overshadow them all, this was his life's meaning.

And now a lowlife like Longley was threatening him? A man that barely could read, was challenging him? He who had mastered the whole project on his own, taken it upon himself to see it though, no matter what the cost. He had kept his project a secret for all these years, and now Longley was destroying it?

His hands felt sweaty and the chill had him shivering. He had to remind himself to breathe deeply and steadily. Then he raised his head and flicked on the EA, he had some repairs to do. It wasn't over yet, and he'd fight.

It was either the whole Team 41, his masterpiece, or Longley, one of them had to go. And right now he didn't care which of the two vanished, as long as his masterpiece was safe. Both Longley and Team 41 were dangerous and would have to step aside, one way or another. He didn't need them any longer, the numbers he had collected were enough. He'd have to fabricate the rest, it wouldn't be spotted ever. Nobody would know. He had enough, and he would be there in the spotlight, nothing would stop him now, not this close to the goal.

 

 

 

Jimmy grinned when Kid pressed an ice bag over the nose and moaned. He threw a glance at Lou with an infectious chuckle. "His face don't do much for me either, Noah," he let out.

"Jimmy!" Lou and Noah chorused, Kid only glared under the ice bag. Throwing his head back to balance the coolness on his nose, he searched for something on the desk with his right hand. Finding it, he threw a silvery sheet to Jimmy; "Check out his ribs." The voice was calm and steady.

Jimmy caught it and looked at Kid. "What's this?"

"A scanner," Noah replied, "but I don't need it, I'm just fine. I'm tougher than most."

"Oh yeah? So how about standing up straight?"

"You broke his ribs?" Jimmy asked incredulously. "You two were really out to kill each other, weren't you?"

"Naw," Kid shook his head under the ice bag. "He tripped and fell over the chair."

"Thanks Kid," Noah frowned, "point out my clumsiness too. Much obliged, anything else you wanna point out to really make me look bad?"

"Don't you ever touch her again, never." Kid's voice was calm but filled with a deadly warning.

There was a beat, all three of them looking at the man by the basin. "Like that, I mean," Kid tried to soothe over his harsh words. "You hurt her!"

Jimmy looked over at Lou, like asking who they were talking about. Lou looked down to her feet, angry at the Kid for charging at Noah for no reason, it hadn't been Noah's intention to hurt her, she knew that. She had just been at the wrong place at the wrong time. It wasn't Noah's fault.

"Kid, I didn't mean to," Noah protested, "and you know there's more than Lou in this fight. Much more."

Jimmy spread the mobile scanning device open and motioned for Noah to get onto the gurney. He peered at Lou, like suddenly understanding everything.

"I can do it myself," Noah grunted and snatched the scanning device out of Jimmy's hand.

"And what else is new?" Kid mumbled and Lou wanted to run over and kick him hard. Wasn't this over? Wasn't it already settled? What the hell was wrong with these two?

"See Lou? Put a woman or an ideology between two men and all civilization runs off them, just like that." Jimmy smiled comfortingly at her, like he was used to these kinds of scenes. Once again Lou realized how little she actually knew about the men she was working with.

"I'm sorry you had to see that Lou," Kid said from his place over the basin, now bent over it, blood dripping slowly into it. His voice sounding muffled.

"Don't be mad at him, Lou," Noah stated. "He did what any man in love would do, seeing his woman in danger, he snapped."

"A little like you?" Jimmy intervened with a grin.

"Yeah," Noah admitted shamefully and looked over to Kid.

Kid lifted his head and looked at the man on the gurney, "I'm sorry, Noah."

"Yeah Kid, me too."

"All right boys," Jimmy chimed in, "now that you've kissed and made up, can I have a go at Kid's nose?"

Lou smiled as Kid looked up, like fearing for his life and Noah broke out in a chuckle that had him holding his side and grimacing in pain. She couldn't help but join in the laughter at the sight of Kid, the absolute fear on his face as Jimmy advanced on him. Jimmy turned and winked at her; "I'll tell you a big secret Lou, Kid's scared stiff around doc's, he much rather be on the other side. Holding the scalpels. Don't you worry Kid, that nose of yours just needs a whack to the left, it's kinda pointing to the right."

"C'mon Jimmy," Lou stopped him by latching onto him, "play nice!"

"Nobody's playing with my nose, thank you Ma'am," Kid slurred.

"Sit down, Kid," Lou ordered when she reached him, "just let me have a look." With a hand on his shoulder, she tried to push him onto the stool besides the basin.

"No," Kid muttered, like a stubborn child, "I'll be fine." He refused to look at her, keeping his face down, fumbling with the soaked ice bag that kept slipping out of his hand.

"Of course you will, " Lou assured, "after I've seen to it."

Jimmy leered at her. "See, what'd I say, scared out of his wits."

"Sit down Kid," Lou ordered, "now dammit!" Grabbing his shirt she pulled him away from the basin, toward the stool.

With a groan he did as he was told, and for the first time Lou actually saw the state his face was in. Her heart almost stopped at the sight. It looked dreadfully painful. His cheek was turning blue, his left eye swelling, the nose still bleeding. A tear on his lower lips exposing raw hide underneath. All her anger and trepidation vanished at the sight of him.   
"Oh God, Kid, you need a doctor."

The sight kicked in some kind of odd need to take care off him, a sensation that was fairly new to her. The need to take care of a fully grown man, looking at her with badly masked fear. She was constantly reminded of the vulnerability in him, that small child he once must have been. And all the things that had happened to him, things he never spoke of, but that was visible in moments like these. When his mask of full control came off and he looked at her, making her want to hug him and comfort him. She knew he was different- he evoked so much in her. Things she had never felt for any man before.

"You mean like the one I just punched out?" Kid tried to smile but didn't quite succeeded, the trial ended in a low labored groan.

"You didn't punch me out, Kid, no way!" Noah cast a glance over at him.

"All right," Jimmy sighed, "now we're on the territory of male pride."

"Aw, shut up all of you," Lou wheezed, feeling Kid stiffen under her as she combed his hair back with her fingers to get a better look. "Yeah you too," she smiled comfortingly at him. "Noah, I think his nose is broken, what do I do?"

"No please Lou, it's all right, really! Just hand me...."

"Don't worry Kid, I'll take care of you. You know you need stitches too?"

"Just the words he needed to hear," Jimmy laughed.

 

 

 

"They don't believe us," Teaspoon muttered out loud. "They just don't believe us. They need proof! And they know damned well we don't have any!"

"No more doctors?" Sam asked.

"Nope, nothing. Tells us to stay put and wait."

"Until someone dies?" Emma asked incredulously, "what's wrong with them?"

"Well, they're sending a temporary vet and a physician for the settlers needs," Teaspoon smirked. "Awful nice of them, ain't it?"

"Who the hell has the power to decide on things like these?" Sam looked over at their boss, still not convinced.

"There was a vote, saving Rachel's life apparently lost 8-9." Teaspoon clarified with sloping shoulder. Looking at the apparatus in front of him, he shook his head in disbelief.

"Bastards," Emma cursed, "we'll show them all right. Won't we?" She let her eyes wander between the two sitting at opposite desks in Teaspoon's office. Nobody answered. "We will," she continued, "we will, just remember that. Nobody is dying here. Nobody!"

Sam reached out to put his arms around Emma, rising to sweep her into his hold. "It's all right, we'll do what we can." He held on to her, feeling the tension in her, rocking her slowly, wishing he could promise what she wanted. That nobody would die. "It's all right," he repeated.

But when he met with Teaspoon's eyes, he knew that it wasn't very probable. And to his shame he was immensely glad it wasn't Emma in that room. That she was in his arms instead of upstairs fighting for her life. And he couldn't help but wonder at Noah's ability to hold up. And would he be able to keep the tension and worry under control? It was almost too much to ask of a person. Nobody should have to endure what Noah did right now, or what Rachel was going through. "It's gonna be all right," he mumbled and rested his cheek on the top of Emma's head, holding her as close as possible. Praying that he wasn't lying.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BRC - Bone Regrowth catalysator, a substance that heightens the natural boning by 100.000, reducing the time from weeks to minutes.

"How's it coming along, Lou?"

She looked up from her microscope, meeting with Jimmy's eyes in the pool of light emanating from the apparatus. Her eyes felt itchy and sore. It was late and the only light in the room was the microscope and the MrDad fabricating new bone marrow for Rachel. She had been checking out the antibodies for hours now, inserting each isolated antigene into a smear of blood, isolating yet another and repeating the operation. Each uncontaminated antibody she found and would be able to fabricate meant increased chance for Rachel's survival. But it was a time consuming process, and they had very little of that. And all her work would be for nothing if Rachel didn't survive the transfusion to begin with. After a week of high fever and heavy medication, her friend was very likely not to survive. But she didn't even want to think about that, let alone saying it out loud. "I don't know Jimmy, what's Kid and Noah saying?"

"They'll start the procedure tomorrow morning, Kid insisted that Noah needed at least one night of good sleep before the whole thing," Jimmy slumped down on the chair at her side. His hand coming over to rub her tense back. "You okay, Lou?"

"Yeah," she nodded, looking down into the apparatus once again, checking for alarming alterations in the blood. Any clogging, cell death or signs of agranulocytosis, spontaneous mutations or abnormal leukocyte change in the samples and they'd have to abort the whole project and watch Rachel die. "I've tried all the antibodies out and know which ones we can reuse, but some are affected. She will remain slightly exposed for some weeks after this. There's nothing else I can do."

"You've done plenty," Jimmy said and ruffled her hair. "Kid told me to tell you to get some sleep too, he'll probably be needing you tomorrow."

Lou didn't look at Jimmy, she remain looking into the microscope, the MrDad humming softly. "And Noah?"

Jimmy didn't reply right away.

Lou looked up at him, not seeing very clearly at first. The tiredness was taking it's toll on her too. Then his features got clearer. "How is he taking the fact that Kid is operating?"

"What can he do? The fact is that Kid has more experience with surgery, most vets have. And he was in the research team that developed the BRC, it was initially meant for horses, you know. He's more qualified. He's been carving in all kinds of bones and bone marrows. We voted on it and Noah understands that. There's no other choice. And Noah's too emotionally attached anyway."

"But if something goes wrong?" Lou peered at Jimmy, really wanting to know what Jimmy's reaction would be if Kid failed and something happened to Rachel.

"Then I wouldn't want to be in Kid's shoes," Jimmy smiled wearily.

Lou couldn't help but smile while shaking her head at Jimmy's face. But she was torn, Noah's words, Kid's silence during the past days and their distance had all gotten to her. Somehow it felt like the team was splitting up, people taking sides against one or the other. Their daily duties gone and only problems left to solve. It was starting to take its toll on everyone. Wearing them down, bringing up personality traits that was all but flattering for anyone of them.

"But Jimmy, what he's about to do is illegal. And you're a protor. If something goes wrong, then you'll be in the middle too, ever think of that?"

Jimmy rose and extended her his arm in an exaggerated manner, waiting for her to take it and follow him out of the somber room. "I know what I'm doing, Lou."

"It might end your carrier."

"Lou, I know Kid, he'll do just fine."

She finally rose and took the arm offered, looking at Jimmy, waiting for him to continue. She wanted to know why Jimmy was so confident, how he knew Kid would do just fine? Why he spoke like he truly knew. It was so blatantly contradicting their usual antagonism. "What'ya mean, you know Kid? I know Kid, but I ain't so sure!"

Jimmy was dragging her behind him, making his way to the door. At her words, he turned his head to look at her. Seeing the doubt in her eyes, he smiled sadly and shook his head while opening the door to let her pass. "I think the two of you need to talk," he said.

Lou pouted at Jimmy's leer, then she caught sight of Kid emerging from the sickbay. He spotted her and smiled shyly, remaining where he was, waiting for her to come to him. _Like always,_ Lou thought.

"Or maybe dance," Jimmy said behind her and pushed her on.

Lou cursed when she stumbled onwards.

Kid smiled and extended his hand to her. Without thinking, she took it. Jimmy laughed and walked past them, leaving them alone in the dark hallway.

 

 

 

"Cody? You all right?"

Cody looked up from his work and spotted Amanda at the door, visibly stunned.

"What? Why ar'ya asking? Course I'm fine."

"You're working!" Amanda said, "without anybody telling you to, reason enough to ask, don't you think."

Cody couldn't help but feel a little hurt by her words. And for a moment he contemplated not telling her what he just had found out. But he soon changed his mind, he had to share what he'd found with somebody. He wanted somebody to tell him he was wrong, that the documents he'd found was a big joke. That someone here was in to get him, he wouldn't put it past them. After this, he wouldn't put anything past anybody. But if it was them, they had gotten him good, and he wouldn't blame them, he probably had it coming.

"Sit down Manda," he tapped the empty chair beside him.

Amanda grunted something in protest at his choice of name but did as told. "What you got, Billy?"

Without a word he flicked the second EA on and set it to visualize. The document dated 2279 appeared and Cody watched Amanda's face while she read the text. First her eyes grew wider in surprise and with a gasp she leaned in closer. Her eyes rapidly flew over the noppo. Then her expression changed and she smiled wickedly.

"Good work Cody, looks authentic, damned good work. But I'm not falling for it."

Baffled Cody leaned in towards her; "What'ya mean, you're not falling for it? You didn't do this?"

"Do what?" Amanda turned to look at him. "Lay off it, Cody!"

"I swear I thought you guys had come up with this!"

Amanda shook her head in denial, her eyes turning back to the noppo. "No, I swear. Where did you find it?"

"Buck asked me to look at some signs he found on another document, asked if it was some loggers' special encrypting. Well it wasn't so I started looking. And came across this."

"But this one is sealed! It has the highest security code!"

Cody smiled. "I'm a logger Manda. I too know my way around things. You just never bothered to ask me."

"But I don't understand! All your names are there, but human cloning is forbidden by law! Always has been, And this document says you're all cloned. And from the 1860? That can't be true, it's just ridiculous."

"There's more," Cody said and changed the frame on the wall. A long list of names appeared, but he made the list stop at the name Amanda O'Connoll. The signs that followed her own name made Amanda turn to Cody for further explanations.

"This sign," a new frame with '‡' emerged, "means the person is cloned." Cody spoke the words quietly, like if he said them out loud it might somehow seem more true. And because looking at Amanda, he saw genuine shock.

Amanda's eyes flew over to Cody, her face had taken on a faint pallor. "Tell me you're kiddin' Cody. I have a mother and a father, well at least I had before they died."

"Ever found it curious how so many of us are orphans?" Cody asked.

"What do you mean?" Her voice was a hoarse whisper.

"Lou's father died not so long ago, she only has her mother left. Kid's and Jimmy's folks are dead, Buck's too. I only have my father left in life and you have nobody. Ike and Sam are the exceptions. Rachel's and Emma's parents are dead too. Don't you think that's odd? Most of us are all alone in this world. We're not that old, we all should have our parents in life if things were normal."

Amanda exhaled with a rush.

"And that all has to do with this sign," Cody continued, changing the frame again. An 'a' emerged. "That's the Greek symbol for a, Alfa," he continued. "And all of us, except Ike and Sam, carry that sign after our names. It has to mean something. The most names on that list carry..." He pointed to the screen where yet another sign emerged 'c,'. "I don't know what it means," he continued, "but I strongly suspect that Alfa means that the bearers are controlled variables in some research project. It's often used in science. Going through the files, I've come to the conclusion that the people on the list with alfa paired to their names have been subjected to manipulations. Most probably tampering with the conditions in their lives, maybe the environment, who knows? Maybe all of it together. That would explain the high percentage of deaths in the immediate family. Maybe they wanted to know how we'd make it all on our own?"

Amanda stared at the sign on the wall. For the longest time, she sat there in the semi-darkness and stared at the pale greenish sign on the wall. Not even moving. Cody extended a hand and laid it on her shoulder, in a bleak effort to acknowledge her confusion. He didn't know what to think himself now that it was evident it wasn't a hoax. He had been hoping it would be until now. But the more he thought about it, the more pieces fell into place and it seemed rather logical, albeit cruel beyond belief.

Amanda finally rose and took his hand in hers, like needing to sense if he was the old Cody. She squeezed it hard, and Cody flinched. "Manda?"

"Clones?" she said, "I'm a clone? I've walked this earth before? Is that even possible?"

Their eyes met and they both knew it was. The technology was there and used every day on animals. But on humans? Why? And who? The questions were too many.

"I'll go get Teaspoon and Sam." Amanda said and let go off his hand.

Cody nodded and remain looking at the hand she had released. He looked at it, trying to pick out signs that it was his and nobody else's. That the hand was truly unique and hadn't belonged to somebody else before him. William F. Cody, the famous man he had admired. If it was true he was him, then there was nothing left for him to admire any longer. William Cody of the nineteenth century had fought Indians, did that mean he had to dislike Buck? But he liked Buck, he had nothing against Native Americans. William F. Cody was married, did that mean he would meet a woman named Louisa and have a son named Kit someday too? Was the woman he would fall in love with cloned too? He didn't dare to find out. Would his life be like the nineteenth century William F. Cody's? Whose life was this really? His hand started shaking and he let it rest on his knee.

He sat as paralyzed, watching the noppo without really seeing, more and more questions popped into his mind. He read the protocol over and over again and the answers to some of his questions finally forced themselves through his initial denial. It was really all there, the why's and the how's. Restoring the human race by cloning individuals not genetically tampered with.

But one question remained; "who am I?"

 

 

 

They stood silent for a while, looking at each other, both hesitant on what to say or do.

Then Kid cleared his throat nervously and looked to the ground; "Lou, I didn't mean to scare you the other day. I'm sorry."

 _And it won't ever happen again, I promise,_ Lou thought, her father's voice echoing in her mind. The thought scared her, it scared her that she had fallen for a man capable of violence. Just like her mother before her had. For a moment, she scanned for other signs of resemblance between her father and Kid. The silence was there, the introvert stubbornness, it was all there. But still, there was so much more.

"I reacted badly, I know that," Kid mumbled.

"And you promise never to do it again?" Lou said, waiting for him to seal his own destiny, to prove he was not the man she thought he was. That he was just like her father. A liar and a manipulator.

Kid shook his head; "I can't promise you that, sweetie."

Startled she looked at him. Her brow furrowing at the unexpected words. What was this all about? He should be promising her everything, all that she wanted. That was exactly how men like him operated.

He clutched her hand tighter, his thumb caressing her knuckles. "I thought he hurt you Lou, I didn't see but I was afraid he'd hurt you. I couldn't let that happen and I never will let that happen. I tried to get him away from you. If someone threatens or hurts you Lou, it will happen again, I can promise you that. But I never meant to scare you, really."

Finally she looked up at him, his nose still bluish from her treatment the other day, his chin still wearing evidence of the violent fight. It must have hurt like hell, she was sure about that. And she should be angry at him, she should be really pissed at his caveman reaction. But oddly she wasn't, she was both touched and enraged by his protectiveness. Nobody had ever fought for her before and nobody should have to. She was fully capable of fending for herself. But still, the fact that he was willing to do so, touched her. And suddenly she felt ashamed for her own accusations. He wasn't like her father, this damned man stood there and told her he would do it again, even if she told him not to. He'd protect her, come whatever. That was not like her father, that was unlike anybody she'd ever met.

"What'ya mean you'd do it again? I'm perfectly capable to take care of myself."

Kid smiled slightly and leaned in closer to her; "I know, but I wanna take care of you."

It was a promise and a warning all rolled up in one, a take it or leave it. He truly wanted to take care of her, and it made her see yet another side of him. For a moment, she wondered if what had happen to him in his young years had forced him to grow up too soon? Or simply left a needing ache in him? Did his need for self-control come from a wish to be able to control the events around him? Had the loss of his parents brought forth the need to protect everybody else around him? If it had, he sure had made another choice than she had herself. She had opted on needing no-one, he had opted on saving everyone. She smiled at the thought of the impossibility of his choice. Looking up into his eyes, she read the question and knew he needed an answer. Lou boxed him playfully, returning his smile.

"And what if I don't wanna be taken care of?"

"I'll do it all the same," Kid murmured, gaining enough courage by her grin to slide an arm around her waist. "It's a compulsion."

The tone of his voice made her laugh as she gave in totally and draped her arms around his neck and hugged him close. "You're such a fool."

"I know," Kid admitted and buried his face in her hair, "women keep telling me that."

"Women?" Lou flicked her head back to stare him down.

He chuckled when she tilted her head and tried to assess exactly how many 'women' there were in his life that he had not told her about. She noticed him seem flattered by her jealous scrutiny. That made her poke her thumb into his side, just to remind him who she was.

"Well, you and Katy," Kid grinned sheepishly.

"Oh Lord," Lou chuckled, "you're worse that I thought."

"Probably," Kid mumbled, suddenly serious. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, shut up Kid and let's get some rest. You'll be trying to save Rachel in less than eight hours." Freeing herself from his hold, she grabbed him and dragged him to her room. Before entering she turned and looked at him. "Can you do it?"

He didn't reply but squeezed her hand slightly, his eyes calm yet oddly void of emotions. And Lou knew Jimmy was right, Kid would do his utmost, but he would not make a promise he couldn't keep. Right at this moment, that felt safe.

 

 

 

"Cody?"

When Teaspoon's voice rang out, he finally woke from the daze and turned to watch the small congregation at the door. Teaspoon looked haggard, too much problems had been laid on the team-leader's shoulders at once. He felt bad that he had to add this to it too. Sam behind him, his face stern. Jimmy, Ike and Buck all followed, filing in, Amanda last in line. Cody gathered they had left Kid, Noah and Lou alone, they had other problems to handle and Emma probably was watching over Rachel.

"Cody," Teaspoon repeated, "what's this all about?"

Silently he redid the whole procedure - the protocol from the meeting. All their names listed, the date of births to come, and those already occurred. The reasons why and the source to their existence. He waited until all of them had read the text on the screen before he changed the frame and let the list with the symbols show.

"What the hell..." Teaspoon grunted but Amanda laid an arm on his to shut him up. Teaspoon threw her a glance but obliged.

Cody changed to the next frame before he started talking. He told them everything he had found out, the facts that were visible on the protocol. That human race was dying out and that HuRec had worked for decades on restoring the habitat and different trials with clones. They had the why and the how. The secret record of the reasons to the cloning. These facts were hard enough to swallow. But the rest was close to unimaginable, and furthermore, there was no answers to the why's or the how's of what he was thinking. Somebody had simply taken upon themselves to pick out people on a list, manipulating everything about them. They had chosen their fate and the individuals had nothing to say about it. It was a crime so immense it seemed that nobody in their right minds would do a thing like that. But obviously somebody had. But how had it even been possible? That document wasn't a HuRec document, it was something totally different. A nameless piece of information that obviously had a bearing on most of them.

When he had finished the tale, the silence in the room was so total it seemed to lay itself like a lid over all emotions.

Cody peered at his team members, meeting with Amanda's eyes briefly, then recognizing the shock and slowly emerging anger in all of them. He had just gone through it himself.

"Who the hell would do a thing like this?" Teaspoon finally exploded, "you pulling our legs Billy? If you do, I promise it's the last thing you..."

"He's not Spoonie," Amanda replied, "if you think about it, you'll realize something must have happened around 279, you know the history. And it wasn't because of better medical techniques like they said. This is it, they started cloning people."

Teaspoon looked at Cody, like willing him to confess to the hoax.

Cody met with his gaze and shook his head in denial, he wished he would be able to take it upon himself, but he couldn't. This was the truth. Nothing but.

"She's right Teaspoon," Sam finally spoke up. "From 280 to 290 nativity is up with something like 500 percent, no medical equipment can do that. I don't know exactly why infertility was so common before but it sure took a turn right about that time. Makes sense, don't it? They found fresher genes and took advantage of it. They did what they were told to do, they restored humanity."

"Without tellin' anybody?" Jimmy wheezed. "Cody go back to that first noppo, what does that all mean. What photo were they talking about? Where did they find it? And those names, I mean is that really us - them - I don't get it, who are these people, who are we?"

Cody returned to the first document, the origin of the cloning decision. "I don't know about the photo Jimmy, I can't find it, not even a trace. But the names are all there and the dates of birth. Awfully familiar, don't you think?"

Jimmy stared at the screen, his jaw line tight and the vein at his temple pulsating. "You mean I'm him? I'm that Hickok? The Hickok from the nineteenth century? You're telling me I'm not even me? What the hell ya mean, Cody?"

"Jimmy," Cody groaned, "of course you're not him , not really, well in a way you are but in others you ain't. You never shared his history, that makes you your own person but you're him 'coz you got his genes. But that don't make you exactly the same so..."

Jimmy's steely gaze silenced him. Cody looked over to Teaspoon just to find him staring ardently at him too. He suddenly felt guilty for being the bearer of bad news. "I had nothing to do with this," he automatically excused himself.

His silly response launched a pandemonium in the small room. Jimmy kicked the chair before him hard, Teaspoon slammed a fist onto the table, muttering loudly while staring at the noppo. Buck fired a series of questions in his direction. Amanda answered in his place and her answers were all drowned in ulterior questions from the others. Teaspoon reached for Cody's EA and started flicking the frames back and forth, like trying to find something else in the files. Curses and invectives mingled with the questions and the answers.

Suddenly Cody felt like he was actually sitting in a rowdy saloon in a western town in the 1800. Only the pianola was missing.


	30. Chapter 30

She watched the two men inside the sickbay. One of them edgy and nervous, without hearing clearly, she saw him snap at the other. The latter shaking his head and flicking something up on the wall, pointing to it and saying something that she couldn't make out. Noah seemingly muttered in reply and angrily snatched himself some gloves out of a box on the metal chart besides the gurney. Kid tried to stay calm and composed and persisted in keeping an apparently low profile. Lou knew exactly what that did to Noah, it drove him insane, just like it sometimes did her. That stubbornness, bordering to callousness. But she also knew they needed that right now, they needed someone to stay calm and composed, someone that was able to detach his feelings and go on with the task at hand. Like the woman on the gurney was anybody, not their friend.

Lou moved her weight to the other foot, leaning up against the Plexiglas, resting her forehead up against the coolness.

Kid calmly opened the containers and exposed the equipment, the sterile syringes and the sterile cloth. The containers of ACB and the empty plastic bags that would soon be filled with Rachel's contaminated blood and marrow. The procedure was fairly simple, first Kid would empty the chest bone and the spinal cord of the contaminated bone-marrow, replacing it with the undiluted artificial blood. Then they would slowly tap Rachel of her blood, infusing the ABC during the first day until they were sure they had everything out. If they ever got that far, chances were that Rachel would go into anaphylactic shock and die. And they would have to let her die. That was her wish.

Remembering Noah's face as he opened her living will and read the text out loud, she shivered. The words that expressed that if Rachel ever was in the situation that she wouldn't be able to remain in life on her own. she wished all unnecessary procedures to stop immediately. She wanted a dignified death, not a long lingering suffering hooked up to some machines keeping her breathing. Lou felt shivers run down her spine as she thought about the words. She wondered if Rachel really would stand by those words if she had to face the choice today, knowing how close the moment was? It had only been three years since she signed that living will. Life could change in a moment and one ever knew. Lou had never signed a living will, she didn't dare to. Briefly she wondered if Kid had, and what his stated? She wouldn't be able to stand by and watch him die, she knew that. Whatever his will said, she wouldn't. And she knew Noah felt exactly the same when it came to Rachel. But the fact was Rachel had signed that document and it was binding. Noah would have to step back if push came to shove.

She jumped when somebody put an arm around her shoulders.

"You okay, Lou?"

She relaxed realizing it was Emma coming up to her. Noticing how tired she looked, Lou nodded and hugged her friend. "Emma, what about you? Shouldn't you get some rest? You been up these past three nights. The men are gonna have to take care of business for a while."

"I don't think I can rest, Lou." Emma replied and turned to look into the brightly lit room. "Knowing what's going on in here is stressful enough to keep you on a natural high."

Lou too turned and watched. Noah was adjusting the oxygen mask over Rachel's face. Adding another direct line into her arterial, repositioning the gurney. Readying her for the procedure. Kid was standing with his back to them, checking out the monitors and tapping his fingers on the metal frame of the pulse-oximeter. Watching it pensively. Then he must have felt being watched. He turned and found their eyes on him. Blinking in surprise at the sight of them, he then smiled hesitantly and walked over to the glass and closed the vision.

Emma and Lou found themselves staring into a black wall.

"Of all the ..."

"Now Lou," Emma stopped her, placing a hand on her arm. "He's right, we shouldn't be standing here, we should leave them alone. They got work to do. And it's hard enough without an audience."

Lou muttered angrily, she couldn't believe he had done that, closing her out. It wasn't fair. She needed to know too, how else would she know if alterations in the antibodies were needed? If they needed something? Or if she needed to fabricate more of...

"Lou," Emma intruded in her rising anger, placating it. "He's just a man, never forget that. He will never be able to erase all your bad memories or your mistrust. Specially not since you seem dead set on finding something wrong with everything he does."

Startled Lou turned to Emma, a heat starting to climb her cheeks, coloring them. "I'm not..."

"Yes Lou, you are." Emma smiled sadly at her. "At least admit it. You're waiting for him to prove he's scum, that he's gonna let you down, that he's gonna be like the ones who hurt you."

Lou found nothing to say, absolutely nothing to prove the opposite.

"Don't always expect him to be the strong one, no one can always be that. He's gonna screw up eventually. In some way or another. After all he's just human. Brace yourself for that, nobody is perfect, Lou. Not even Kid."

She felt ashamed, immensely ashamed and embarrassed by Emma's words. Partly because they were true and she hadn't realized it before, she truly didn't know herself. And she had always thought she had figured everything out already. Embarrassed that somebody had to tell her things she should have noticed herself a long time ago. Would her history prevent her from ever being at ease when in love? Would the betrayal she remembered so vividly forever be present to haunt her? And she had thought she hid it so well.

"Don't let him pay for what others have done to you Lulabelle, be fair instead. At least try."

"Am I that obvious?" Lou asked.

"No Lou, it's just that I've been there so I know. It takes so much time to figure things out, it takes a lifetime."

"And nobody is perfect," Lou repeated with a guilty smile.

"That's right Lou, as soon as you learn that, you've come a long way." Emma ruffled her hair and chuckled before leaving her alone in the room. With a sigh Lou returned to her microscope to do one last check on the samples. Praying as she approached that there would be no sign of anomalies. Rachel's life depended just as much on her as on the two inside the room. She couldn't deny that, however much she wanted to. She wanted somebody to blame if things went wrong, anybody. But she knew it wouldn't be Kid, not after Emma's words. She slumped down on her chair and hid her face in her hands. "I'm sorry Kid," she whispered, "I've been awful haven't I?"

 

 

"I just can't believe it," Jimmy repeated for the fifth time in about as many minutes.

"Oh, shut up already," Amanda snapped as she flicked rapidly through files. "Never knew you held as much faith in humanity as you seem to right now. What happened to the pessimistic view on life of James Butler Hickok?"

He glared at her, sitting by the desk, she was totally absorbed with the task. He wanted to walk over there and kick them EA's, slam his fists into them and watch them disintegrate. And with them what they had found out last night. He really didn't want to know any more, enough was enough.

"Geez, I wish I could get into yours or Kid's parents genechart, or Teaspoon's," Amanda muttered to herself.

"Why?"

Amanda gave him a glance that told him how incredibly stupid she found him at that moment. "Well, that would be the ultimate proof now, wouldn't it?"

"And why can't you?" He had to admit, this wasn't his field of expertise. He had little knowledge of either genes or database investigations. He couldn't say what was probable and what was not. He simply knew too little about the whole thing.

"When a person dies their files are set to comparison only and put in a database that has just specific parts of the DNA, and that part won't help me much right now. No living persons' gene-charts are allowed into that database due to security risks. All you can do is compare."

"Why would there be a database on dead people's DNA to begin with?" Jimmy asked bewildered.

"Mostly for scientific research really, they check the base..." Amanda's voice ebbed out and she sat staring on the noppo ahead of her.

Jimmy watched her, still not getting it.

"Holy hell, Jimmy," Amanda burst out, "you're right! Why would there be a database where the main criteria is being dead? That's not what's most important for science, now is it? I mean, it's not centered on causes of death or anything, it's just a base so you can tell if the person is dead, criminal or not, male of female, main features and such. Jimmy that's it! That's one of the reasons, it's not just as simple as we're cloned, there's more to it."

"Excuse me?" Jimmy asked with emphasized courtesy.

"I think the database is there for a reason Jimmy, the oldest reason in the world really. Making money."

"Okay Manda, give it to me in layman's terms."

"I have a hunch that clones are a merchandise."

Jimmy rose so fast his chair flipped over and crashed to the floor. "You're telling me my parents bought me, I mean James Hickok? What the hell?"

Amanda looked up at him, her face drawn; "If that's the case we're all bought Jimmy. I compared my parent's genetic chart to mine, I am not related in anyway, Jimmy."

"So maybe you're adopted?"

"In that case, why wasn't I told?" Amanda looked at him, "I just know my mother had trouble conceiving and made some visits to a specialist in the field. But I think she really believed I was her biological child. She told me how happy she had been when she found out she was pregnant, even thou' my father left right away, she was happy. But I can't ask her now, can I?"

Jimmy snatched a memoslot and memorized the birth date and the names of his parents onto it before handing it to Amanda. "Check them out," he said, "but whatever the answer is, I don't think I wanna know."

He left her sitting there, he needed to get out as soon as possible. Out and away from all the memories assaulting him. Away from the questions and the uncertainties.

He walked over the yard with long steps, heading for the barn. Stopping before it. Watching it. Then he drew his gun, much like he would have done if he really was James Butler Hickok - the original. How many times hadn't Kid and him played cowboys or gunfighters in the old west? How many times hadn't he trained drawing his gun fast? Rejoicing in getting faster and faster. Competing with Kid and dropping cans of a fence with rocks. Was it in his genes? Without really thinking, he started firing shot after shot on an imaginary target on the barn wall. His fingers squeezing the trigger rapidly until he had emptied the gun. He stopped for a while, watching the signs on the barn wall, the tiny black spots. Then he reloaded and continued firing.

 

 

It was already dark when he returned to the house. Right now he didn't feel like talking to anybody, not really. But he knew nobody had told Lou and somebody needed to. And it was like an unspoken agreement he should be the one. Having delayed the work in the barn out as long as possible, this was it. He had to go talk to Lou. Ask how the procedure was coming along and then finally tell her.

The air inside the house was sticky and hot, the coolness of the night still not having penetrated the stagnant air inside. It felt like a bad omen. He didn't feel like encountering Amanda right at this moment, so he snuck silently up to the second floor, cursing slightly when the fourth step squeaked as usual. Lengthening his stride, he took the rest of the stairs three steps at a time.

It was silent up here, he was not sure if that was a good or a bad sign? He hadn't expected people jumping for joy, that was far too early. But he wished there would be some kind of motion or sound, some proof that there was still life. He made his way to the sickbay; the door to the front room slightly ajar. The low hum of equipment meeting him at the entrance. He opened the door wider, remaining at the threshold, looking for signs of bad or good news.

Lou sat with her head bent over the microscope, a fluorescent light from the MrDad altering as phases changed. The text on the panel was like a foreign language to him, all technical information floating rapidly by. The Plexiglas was black, hindering insight. His eyes rested on Lou by the microscope, her hands moving slightly as she adjusted the focus. He didn't want to intrude on her, right now he just wanted to watch her for a while. Smiling to himself when she irritably scratched an insect bite on her ankle, muttering irritably while she did. Then she reached out to remove the sample and replace it with a new one. Then she sighed and Jimmy took it as a cue.

"Lou, how about a break?"

Immediately her head turned in his direction and she peered at him, eyes just a narrow slit. Rubbing them, she sighed; "Oh, it's you, Jimmy."

Jimmy walked up to her, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Sorry to disappoint you."

"Uffa Jimmy," Lou protested, her voice muffled. "That's not what I meant."

"I know," Jimmy grinned, "but it sure sounded that way."

"Sheesh, Jimmy," Lou looked up at him, "a little overly sensitive today, are we?"

Jimmy decided to change subject. Nodding towards the closed door to the sickbay, he raised his eyebrows in a question.

"Fifteen liters already," Lou informed him, "no anaphylactic shock but no lowering of the fever either. I think they're contemplating on taking the spleen out. Her vitals seem steady enough for that procedure."

"So he hasn't killed her yet then," Jimmy joked, trying to lighten the mood. If Rachel was alive it was good news, wasn't it?

Lou shot him a murdering glance. "That's not funny, Jimmy." Rising to her feet, she walked over to the tiny refrigerator at the opposite side of the room, opening the door and reaching for a covered pitcher. "Want some?" she asked in Jimmy's direction.

Jimmy grimaced at the thought of what else was in that fridge but nodded. Lou turned and reached for a glass on the table besides her, rinsing it out with water before pouring him a glass of the greenish CaNud. When she offered him the glass, he had to ask where the awful color came from.

"Sam's accidentally mixed two flavors, it's not so bad really." Lou smiled. "Where is everybody? Haven't seen anybody up here, well except Sam of course."

Jimmy cleaned the overfilled steel bench at the wall to get a free space before sitting down and stretching his legs out before him. Then he took one sip to taste the concoction. Lou was right, it wasn't half bad. It was far better than what he would have to do now. "Downstairs," he responded after a while.

Lou came over to sit by his side, looking at him, expecting further explanations.

Jimmy wasn't quite ready to offer one yet.

"It's getting rather lonely up here," Lou told him, "would be nice with some company. Dodging us, are they?"

"Not really," Jimmy let out before emptying the glass.

"Then what?"

"Lou," Jimmy started, looking into the empty glass, searching for words to soften the blow. Not really finding any. "Cody found something out last night, they're all down there investigating."

Lou remain leaning up against the wall, her legs drawn up under her. "Let me guess, more bad news? Anything I should know?"

The sarcasm didn't pass Jimmy unnoticed. But he couldn't blame her. "It involves us all, one way or another."

"What?"

"You won't believe this."

"Try me."

"We're apparently clones." He let the bomb drop without looking at her. The long silence that followed had him turn to watch her. She was smiling, an amused smirk on her face. Exactly his own initial reaction.

"I know," he nodded, "I thought it was a hoax too at first. I mean c'mon, who's ever heard of a thing like that? Never minding that it's illegal and all, that's not really important. But the why was bothering me at first. I just didn't believe it. Specially since it seems this whole HuRec enterprise was sprung out of a photo taken at a wedding involving all of us, well most of us. But it's worse than that."

"Good one, Jimmy," Lou laughed. "Cody put you up to this?"

"Tell me Lou, what about your mother and father, did they have you the old natural way?"

"What'ya mean? Of course they did, with some help of course but that was the times back them, you know that. People had enormous difficulties procreating. It's just in the recent years things have improved, what the hell does that have to do with cloning?"

"Everything," Jimmy replied softly.

She looked at him, her brown eyes expressing doubts, the amusement gone.

He took her hand into his and looked down on it for a while. Wondering how she would take the fact that she wasn't 'original' - that another Louise McCloud had walked this earth long ago. A Louise McCloud that looked exactly the same, a Louise that had found the exact same man to fall in love with. Maybe having the same doubts back then. He knew there would be a lot of questions and he hated the fact that he had far too few answers.

He told her everything he knew, what Cody had told him, what Amanda was thinking. He filled in all the blanks possible, but there was a whole lot more he didn't have the answers to. Speaking in a low voice, he heard Lou's breath change, getting more shallow at first, her hand twitching in his hold. Then the sharp intake of air, the tremble.

After he finished they sat in silence for a long while, Lou's breath calming, slowly getting deeper and more even. She stared blindly at the black window in front of her. Her face white in the light from the altering text on the MrDad. Her lips pressed shut, the corners of her mouth whitening slowly. Her hand clasping his.

Then all of a sudden she loosened her grip and turned to him; "We were married?"

"Seems that way," Jimmy nodded.

"But that's not possible. How could anyone do what you think they've done? I mean steering our lives like that? Is it even possible?"

"We all ended up here, didn't we?"

"But the rest?"

"I don't know if it is Lou, I truly don't know but they're trying to figure it out."

"I don't believe this!"

"Why don't you ask you Ma about how it happened, ask her why she gave you the name Louise? That's one thing that's bugging me, how come we all carry our earlier names? Doesn't seem logical."

"Oh Lord! Jimmy, you're famous!"

Jimmy threw her a crooked bitter smile. "Aren't we all?"

"It's just so incredible, I gotta ask Ma tomorrow, I don't think I can do it tonight. I just don't know what to say." She turned her head back to look at the Plexiglas. "And they kept it all a secret for this long? Why didn't anybody notice?"

Jimmy looked to the floor and pondered on the million questions he had swirling around in his mind. Lou had just managed to add a few more. He was left sitting there, with Louise, in total silence. Only the hums from the MrDad and the ticking of the clock, audible in the room. The sounds comforting in a way, like an anchor to reality. He was still here, it was August 10, 2313 and he was still Jimmy Hickok, the protor of team 41, situated in Sweetwater, former Nebraska. He had to remember that.

"You think we had kids?"

Lou's question had him look at her. For a moment he was totally bewildered, trying to latch on to her thoughts to get the exact meaning of her question. Then he realized who and what she was talking about. A pang of jealousy ran through him, Lou was thinking about Kid first of all, about their shared past. He hadn't expected that of her. The woman was in love, no doubts about it. For a moment he wondered if he would ever find someone like her and what it would feel like to be that important in somebody's life?

Her face revealed no emotion. But the slight tremble in her voice did. She kept staring at the black window, lost in her thoughts.

"I'm sure you did," Jimmy smiled. "Lots of 'em."

When she looked at him, her eyes were brimming with tears. He took her into his arms and rocked her. Telling her everything was all right.

 

 

"Lulabelle!"

The voice seemed to come from afar, somewhere from behind the mountains maybe?

"Lou, wake up!"

It was getting closer, more demanding, Lou groaned in protest as a hand landed on her shoulder, shaking her.

"Louise McCloud!"

It was a clear order now and she pulled herself up to a sitting position, totally disoriented but ready to perform whatever was asked of her. If only she knew where she was at? She peered and found a blurred world around her, the sleep still lodged in her limbs. It was hard to move. The voice spoke again, telling her she needed some food and had to get up. Recognizing it as Emma's, the world suddenly got clearer.  
"Rachel?" she asked.

"She's fine Lou, you did it. She's awake and mad that we won't let her have the steak she's asking for. Says she's hungry like a wolf." Emma smiled and seated herself on the edge of Lou's bed. "You all right, Lou?"

She nodded, the past three days were still kind of blurry but she remembered the important things. "How long have I been asleep, she asked Emma.

"Around fourteen hours."

"Good grief," Lou moaned. "Why didn't you wake me up? How's Kid and Noah?"

"Well after we got'em off the caffeine, Noah crashed on the spare bed in the sickbay. I haven't had the heart to try and wake him up. Rachel is kind of worried about him, he looks like hell. And Kid's sitting in the chair, I don't think he knows where he's at any longer. Says the stupidest of things but refuses to go to sleep. Won't be long before he crashes thou. Only wish I could get him out of that chair." Emma worriedly shook her head at the stubbornness of the two men.

Lou giggled. Ever since the break through, the men had been popping caffeine pills to keep themselves up. Their eyes bleary and their movements unstable, they kept going on, checking and rechecking the vitals. Like not believing the fact that the swelling of the spleen was coming down and the fever was sinking dramatically. She tried to keep up with them but couldn't, last thing she remembered was Kid carrying her somewhere, talking to her in a stern voice. Telling her to get some sleep. And that was long after Jimmy had broken the news.

"Do they know?" she asked, referring to the latest news.

"No, nobody of them does. Thought it'd be better to have them somewhat lucid when we let the bomb drop. It's hard to conceive even then."

Lou nodded, reaching for her blouse.

"Jimmy and Buck are in the sickbay, trying to get Kid to bed and entertaining Rachel. We can't get Noah to his bed before Kid is out of the way, but he refuses."

"Oh great," Lou groaned and swung her legs over the edge. "Did they even get any food?"

"Nope," Emma said, "CaNuds all the way. I offered them some but Noah pointed out he was too tired to chew."

Lou shook her head. "I'll get him outta the way for you, promise."

"Was counting on that," Emma replied with a soft smile. "And then you have to eat young lady, I have had enough sickness around here to last me a lifetime."

"Sure Ma," Lou teased while hurrying to put her clothes on. She was anxious to see Rachel, the old Rachel. It had been such a long time since. Emma followed her over to the sickbay. Casting a glance over the room, smiling at Buck and Jimmy as they greeted her. Noah lay on the spare bed, his feet hanging over the rim, a sheet covering him sparsely. Kid was sitting in the chair. His head resting heavily on the headrest, his eyes half closed. He didn't even notice her. Rachel sat up in her bed, her hair dirty and sweaty. But her smile was very much alive.

Lou felt her throat tighten as she walked up to her friend. Rachel simply said; "Hey, Lou!"

The tears came so easily for her now, they trickled down her cheek when she threw her arms around Rachel and hugged her tight. "Oh, Rach!"

"I'm fine Lou, don't worry, I'm fine." Rachel rocked her slowly, and Lou held on to her. Just a few days ago she would never have believed this would happen at all. Instead she had wondered how they would be able to go on after having lost one of their team-members. Now she was sitting up, still weak and weary but hugging her.

Slowly she disentangled herself and dried her tears.

"Thank you," Rachel said and laid a hand on her arm, "I really mean that, Lou."

Lou's throat tightened again and she nodded. No words were big enough to express her emotions right now. She smiled at Rachel and told her to rest.

"I will," Rachel said."If you can do something to get those two to bed. They look awful." She motioned to the sprawled vet in the chair.

Jimmy and Buck laughed mercilessly at her words, Jimmy grinning meaningfully at Kid.

"I'll try my damnedest," Lou promised as she turned to watch Kid more closely. He truly looked dreadful. At Jimmy's and Buck's laugh, he tried to recompose himself in the chair but failed and sank back. But he smiled tiredly at her and made some kind of salute with his hand.

"Yeah, Lou, get him outta our way," Jimmy remarked with a glance over at Kid.

"I'm not in your way," Kid muttered, "I just need to be here in case..."

"Kid," Lou walked up to him, crouching before him and laying a hand on his thigh. "It's time to go to bed."

Kid's eyes narrowed as he tried to focus on her. Her words seemed to have brought him some discomfort. He moved towards her, his hand covering hers. "Now?" He asked incredulously, his face close to hers.

Behind her there was a howl of laughter. And Lou realized that the male psyche would never deny itself. She blushed at the implication.

"I think you're asking a little too much Lou," Buck let out in a chuckle.

"Buck, for crying out loud," Emma intervened, trying to calm the waters.

"Oh shut up," Lou wheezed. "Kid, you need to get some sleep! Stop acting like a jerk!"

"I'm fine Lou, I need to be here just in case. If Emma would just give me those pills, I'd..."

"Go into a maniac mode, yes right, you haven't slept for more than an hour or so in five days Kid. You have some medical insight, for crying out loud, get outta here!" Emma had had it, that much was obvious. She leaned in over Kid, alerting him to a more conscious state momentarily as he scooted over to the other side, baffled over the outburst.

"Can I at least have a cup of cafs?" he tried.

"Merciful Lord," Emma groaned, "he's going through withdrawal symptoms already. He's hooked!"

"I'll unhook him, Emma, no worries." Lou promised "C'mon Kid, on your feet!"

"What feet?" Kid groaned, "can't I just sit here and..."

"Get up!" Lou hollered.

Jimmy and Buck leaped into another laughing spree and Lou murdered them with her glance. "Now," she muttered to get Kid up as soon as possible.

"Always so bossy," Kid complained as he rose. "I never have a say about anything."

With a firm grip on his hand, Lou steered him out of the room, he missed the door slightly and struck his knee against the frame. Lou rolled her eyes when he cursed and limped on. Then he stumbled on his own feet and had to take hold of the wall to keep upright.

"I think I'll tag along," Emma remarked at the sight.

"We'll be fine," Lou assured her and tugged at Kid's hand. "Remember - one foot before the other."

"She took the pills," Kid exclaimed, very depressed.

Lou stifled a giggle. "I know she did, but you need some sleep."

"I'll give you anything if you get me a cafs Lou, anything."

"You are hooked, how many pills did you take lately?"

"They finished a package of 50 pills between the two of them in two days." Emma informed her. "They're lucky if they come out of this without heart complications.

Lou looked up at him, worried.

"I already have a heart condition," Kid grinned sheepishly at her. "You." He tried to lean in towards her but missed and was about to topple over.

"Holy hell," Lou moaned and threw her arms around his waist to steady him.

"Bad shoes," Kid tried to explain.

"You don't have any on!" Lou grunted and pushed him onwards. "Walk Kid, remember how it's done?"

"Where to?" Kid asked, totally out of context.

Emma laughed behind them, walking up to them and winking at Lou. "You steer while I push."

"Hey!" Kid protested at the combined assault but had to concentrate on not bumping into walls. They had to ease him in to Lou's room after he suddenly remembered Katy and tried to persuade them to let him check the stables. Emma growled and Kid let go off the door-frame and stumbled inside. His earlobes turned pink when he realized whose bed he was sitting on and that Emma was glaring at him from the door.

"Not a word," Lou warned him.

Emma wiped her brow and shook her head; "I'll never understand men, that's for sure. I'll leave him in your hands, you got permission to tie him if need be. And no cafs for you in a week, young man!" She pointed a finger at the startled heap on the bed before turning to walk out.

"No cafs in a week?" Kid asked, "she didn't mean that, did she?"

"Yeah she did," Lou replied after closing the door. "Now take your clothes off!"

"As you wish ma'am," Kid grinned and tried to get his shirt off even though his fingers seemed stiff and clumsy.

Lou swatted him playfully and crept up on the bed to help him. He just looked as her fingers opened the buttons with expertise. The same expertise he seemed to have lost recently. Lou had to giggle at the look on his face, amazed he watched her fingers opening the buttons. He looked up at her, his face expressing immense gratitude when she was all done. With the same expression of utter adoration, he just sat there, looking at her while she peeled the shirt off him. His eyes bleary and the bags under them alarming.

"Lie down Kid," she suggested.

"I'd need..."

"Shut up and do as I tell'ya," she stopped his slur, placing her fingertips on his chest and giving him a sight push. He fell onto the bed like a log. "That's the way I like ya," Lou grinned.

Kid let out a snort of laughter and tried to get back up. Lou's hand on his shoulder prevented him from further bravado. His pants came off under heavy protesting grunts, which she stifled by throwing the cover over his head. Then she sat down and watched him fight to surface. After a moment's fight with the cover, he finally managed to get it off his face. Looking at her, he pouted.

"You're such a big baby," Lou pointed out and kissed his front. But his eyes were already closed. It took him approximately two seconds to fall into deep sleep.

For a moment she remain looking at him sleeping, she had never watched any man sleep before. She had never wanted to watch any man sleep. She leaned in to kiss his lips, wishing him sweet dreams. Knowing she was falling deeper and deeper for the man. And it was dangerous. Soon she wouldn't even see all his faults, she'd accept anything from him. And she was afraid that would be the end of her independence. And she liked her independence. They would soon be an official item, a couple. And she would worry about him, anguish about him and always forgive him, not matter what. She would try and shelter both him and herself from the truth. Just like her mother had done so many years. He looked so innocent in his sleep, like he'd never do anything to anyone. But still, he was a man.

And tomorrow she would have to tell him he wasn't the man he thought he was.


	31. Chapter 31

Jimmy watched Amanda over dinner, her demeanor was pensive and distraught, like she was miles away. The rest of the team was in an exuberant mood, the clouds had lifted. Ike and Buck were teasing Lou every chance they got since Kid was still sleeping upstairs. Jimmy had to smile every once and again at their apparently innocent implications that had Lou glaring at them.

They were all there in a sense, even though Kid, Noah and Rachel weren't physically present at the table, they were in their celebration. They were more present than Amanda was. She sat there and barely ate, Jimmy noticed. The plate was almost untouched when he was already halfway through his meal. He tried to catch her eyes and ask her if something was wrong. But she never looked at him, not once.

"Should we try and wake 'em up," Sam asked and motioned to the stairs leading up to the second store. "I'd hate for them to miss this exquisite meal." A glance over at Emma, a soft smile.

"Over my dead body," Emma declared, "if they wake up before tomorrow I'll knock them out myself, I'm not in the mood to handle delirious men right now. But I'm make them a nice breakfast tomorrow, promise. But anyone noticing them with a cafs, or anything like it, has my permission to take extraordinary measures to rid both of them of the caffeine."

Sam chuckled happily, the mother-side of Emma seeming to endear him.

"Anybody told them yet?" Amanda spoke up.

An uncomfortable silence formed around the table. This was something they wished to forget right now, it didn't belong in the festive mood.

Amanda let her glance wander around the table, seeing the denial on the faces. "They gotta know, folks."

"Not yet Amanda, let them get some rest before the next shock." Teaspoon mused, trying to get them back into the leisurely mood from before.

"And are we absolutely sure it's not a hoax anyway?" Ike said, still not entirely convinced. Buck threw her a glance, in tune with his companion.

"Yeah," Cody chimed in, "what if..."

"You fools," Amanda groaned. "I've dug further, it's no hoax and I even know how it's financed."

"How what is financed?" Jimmy asked. "I thought HuRec financed all this? It has to be an official operation, and maybe we just are getting a little bit paranoid?"

"Not with the interventions in the individuals lives," Amanda smirked. "That's all together a different agenda, that is part of a criminal conspiracy. And they sell clones to finance it, beautiful isn't it?"

"Who?" Teaspoon asked, his fork paused in midair, "and why?"

"Those are the questions I'm yet to find answers to," Amanda replied.

"How?" Ike asked.

"I don't know yet but I know it can't be done from here, I gotta get closer to the roots."

"You're leaving?" Teaspoon scowled.

"Well Spooney, I was never here to set roots anyhow, I was here to see to it the town got rebuilt and them damned convicts got back to where they belonged. And that didn't happen, now did it?" Amanda spoke bitterly.

"Wasn't your fault," Buck tried to console.

"I know that!" Amanda threw him a glare. "But I also know that ever since I started digging into files someone has been watching me. Don't forget that the disease was meant for me, it came delivered in a package with my name on it. I'm not sitting here waiting for something to happen again. I have to find out who's behind this."

Jimmy looked at his plate, he had forgotten all about the parcel that had ended up almost taking Rachel's life. It had been intended for Amanda! He felt a cold chill run down his spine. She was right, she was in danger. Maybe more so than anyone else.

"Isn't it better you stay here so we can keep an eye on you?" Teaspoon pointed out.

Jimmy threw him a grateful glance. That was his thought exactly.

"I can stay here till I rot and I still won't get any closer to the truth, Spooney. That is not going to happen, there are things to be done, secrets to reveal."

Teaspoon sighed and leaned over to place a hand on his niece's. "Take Jimmy with you, I'd feel so much better if there was someone looking out for you."

Amanda laughed and freed her hand from under Teaspoon's, patting it affectionately. "I work best on my own, you know that. I hate distractions!"

Jimmy was left staring, so now he was a distraction? And a dispensable one at that?

"Cafs anyone?" Emma asked.

 

 

 

Her old bones were reminding her about to try and take it slower as she made the curve into her office. She grunted irritably, she would give a lot to have twenty or so years, surgically removed. Specially on days like these, days with an overcast, a promise of heavy rain. Making her way to the overfilled desk, she snatched the memoslots in the incoming box while she passed, another stack to add to the already overfilled work desk. Two weeks away from the Strategic Unit and this was the result. Not to mention all the data she had to log from her Zone 52 trip too.

"Is it only me working here or what?" she muttered, the ache and the bad mood combining into aggression, a much more manageable emotion. A more productive emotion. She had to chuckle at herself and the old habits she persisted in displaying, the gruff old woman. Half of her personnel was scared stiff when they saw her coming, she knew that full well. What they didn't know was she was a bloody softy, too soft for this work.

Then she realized she had forgotten to get some cafs. "Now I'm losing my mind too," she groaned, "just damned beautiful!"

She stopped pensively for a while, pondering on if to call for Evelyn and ask her to bring her a cup or not. It was her right, but she used it very seldom, it had always bothered her that secretaries had such foolish obligations as to bring mindless people the cafs they had forgotten. It was downright degrading. But she felt old today so she flicked the EA into thought mode and called for Evelyn..

"Forgot the cafs, did you?" Evelyn's voice was full of glee.

She stared with reprimand at the door to the secretary's office, the girl had watched her come in and never said a word. Evelyn knew her all too well. She held no respect whatsoever. Evelyn had long ago pinned her for the softy she was. And she used that knowledge mercilessly. She searched for appropriate words to retaliate.

"Don't worry boss," the woman chirped. "I have it covered, I'm just getting it."

The voice waved back and forth as a description of Evelyn's moves in the adjoining room. Her EA was on the desk as usual, the woman said it ruined her looks and refused to wear it behind her ear. She walked to the dispenser, her voice far away, then back to the desk with the EA, giggling teasingly before she shut it off. The sound made it seem like she was floating around in there. _It was a long time since I had the ability to move around that fast,_ the thought brought her more bitterness.

Evelyn didn't bother to knock but stepped right in, smiling at her and wrinkling her nose at the sight of the disorganized desk. She came right over and looked at the mess, sighing softly, while she handed her boss the hot cup.

"I can't understand how you can work like this?"

Evelyn was the textbook example of a compulsive-obsessive cleaner. Her whole demeanor bore the evidence. Evelyn was able to fall down an elevator shaft without one hair in her perfectly trimmed coiffure daring to shift. Her clothes were always impeccable, her nails brilliantly red, or green or blue. According to the dress she wore. All that made her perfect, so perfect it was damned depressing.

"Well, miss Patrice Lowell," Evelyn spoke with disdain, "didn't find the comb this morning, did we?"

She hated when Evelyn called her that, pointing out her unmarried status, a husband was first on the list for Evelyn and she considered her boss a scrumpy old maid, no hopes whatsoever. But the fact was, she was far from perfect and it was too late to work on it now.

Then Evelyn broke out in a huge smile. "I missed you so much! This place is such a drag when you're not here to stir the waters."

She couldn't help but smile back, forgiving her all her perfection and the snide remarks. Truth be told, she often missed Evelyn, just because she was so different. It was comforting in a way to have her around, nothing would get out of order as long as Evelyn held her watching eyes on the endeavor. But she couldn't let her know that now, could she?

"Don't you have some work to be done?" she muttered.

"Cept cleaning up your mess? Nope, don't think so. But you do."

"Huh?" She looked up at the young woman, wondering what she was hinting at.

Evelyn reached into her pocket and fished two memoslots up, laying them on the desk in front of her. "Before you do anything, check this out. This all happened while you were out. And something is wrong, so very wrong. You'll see what I mean."

Without further explanations, she swirled around and walked away, leaving a lingering cloud of the expensive perfume she was wearing. Patrice Lowell was once again left speechless. With a sign she took a sip of her cafs and coupled the first memoslot into her EA.

The impact of the first recorded conversation had her forget all about her cafs. Aloysious Hunter was calling from Sweetwater, asking for help. The response he got from the Strategic Task Group stunned her. Refusal to aid in a situation like this? Who the hell had given the order? Protocols of meetings flashed on the noppo and she stared disbelievingly at them, what the hell was this? The more she read, the angrier she got, they kept just inside the law, each and every decision the HuRec had made were in fact legal. But they were far from human, they had chosen to interpret the legislation and the protocols to save themselves and let Team 41 handle it all by themselves. She had to count to a hundred to calm herself and not stumble out and ask for explanations of her teammates. The anger turned into a deep guilt at the end of her count, how had she let this happen? What had they all gone through out there, all by themselves? Deserted. She had to make some kind of amends, anything. Her eyes flew to the assignment she knew was coming up, she'd offer them that. At least something. Anything to start paying the debt. _Or to calm my conscience,_ she thought bitterly.

Her hands were shivering when she called the leader of Team 41.

She got hold of him immediately, and she felt relieved that he seemed calm and confident. When the man told her the woman had survived, she let air out in a contended sigh. Mr. Hunter's tale was short and to the point. Guarded was the word that came to her mind when she listened to his voice. Maybe even suspicious. Well, he wasn't the only one, her suspicions had started to grow a long time ago, but she had done nothing about them. And there was nothing she could do right now, except inform him that their quarantine was lifted immediately and offering him the assignment, if they were interested? The man told her he would ask. She politely asked if they needed something? The man courteously told her 'no', but she could sense the distance and mistrust. She felt she had let them all down when she finished the brief colloquium.

She looked out the window for a while, wondering what was really going on? Then she called for an urgent meeting.

 

 

 

He watched her saunter over the yard, the night was cool and fresh, a promise of rain in the air. Amanda lingered in the coolness outside. He waited impatiently, it was late. Everyone was asleep, but he wouldn't find peace tonight. Her dismissal of him kept him up, waiting to hear the sound of her footsteps vanish into the spare room she had occupied for weeks. Until he couldn't take the passive waiting any longer but walked out. Remaining in the darkness by the door, he waited for her.

She spotted him too soon.

"Jimmy? What are you doing up?" Her eye twinkling in the dark, her voice full of mischief and a badly masked overt implication.

He didn't respond.

"Waiting for me are you?" A teasing smile on her lips.

Lips he wanted to kiss hard, lips he wanted to make remember him and never dismiss him again. She ignited him with her callousness and independence. Her playful frankness. She was like Lou in many ways. So different in others. Why he suddenly compared the two - he had no idea. The realization made him wrinkle his brow in confusion.

She walked right up to him, extending her hands to run them down his chest, bringing him back to her, with every sense.

A grunt escaped him.

"Need somebody to sing you a lullaby?" She whispered in his ear, the stream of air causing him to frame her face and feel her in his hands. A barely audible chuckle escaping her. Her face turning slightly upwards, eyes wistful. The sensation made him search for her lips and kiss her. She responded in earnest, just as hungry as he. Or maybe even hungrier? Only her reasons were probably different. Or were they? He couldn't think any longer, her heady kiss melting away his thoughts completely, all he did now was react to her touch. She demanded a lot and he gave was she asked for, just as she did when he made his demands.

His hands followed her curves, the kiss deepening, her breast in his hand, the nipple hard and eager, longing for his touch. Straining against the cotton as he flicked his thumb over it. Her hand on him, stroking him, making his spine tingle.   
"Amanda," he grunted when she buried her teeth in his neck, "we should talk."

"Talking is so overrated," she panted and freed herself. "I know better ways." Grabbing his hand, she dragged him through the door, up the stairs and into her room. His anticipation grew with every step. But he truly intended to find out her plans. If she'd let him.

Closing the door behind them, she was in his arms again, her hands now under his shirt, her lips tracing his neck. He was speechless, as always when Amanda made this kind of assault on him. All he could do was respond, his hands wandering on her, stroking and teasing. He had always wanted her and always would. She was like a breath of fresh air, always new and exhilarating. Keeping him on his toes, making him wonder. Her body in his arms was hot and inviting, it canceled all his previous plans. He removed the blouse and fell to his knees before her. Her hands latched onto his hair as he framed her slim hips with his hands and kissed the flat of her stomach. His tongue rolled around her bellybutton hungrily.

"Oh God, Jimmy!" Her voice was a hoarse whisper, a call for him to make it happen fast. She never was much for foreplay. But Jimmy didn't always oblige, sometimes he wanted to have his way. Amanda peeled off her clothes and started on his, she was in a hurry. Her eyes gleaming in the soft light. She was playing him, urgently rushing him into the act. Hungry fingers exploring him, arousing him further. Obediently he let her undress him and watch him with admiring eyes, her gaze as inviting as the hand on his member. She stroke him fast and hard, to the point so to say. Her gaze avoided his and he wondered what she was trying to hide. Walking her backwards to the bed, he held her at an arms length, stopping her stroking motion momentarily. Amanda wasn't pleased. The edge of the bed stopped her and she sank down to it, reaching for him. He fell to his knees before her and spread her legs. She wouldn't forget him so easily, he'd see to that. He's see to it that he was more than a dispensable distraction.

Slowly he started kissing her, never heeding her protests that told him to hurry up. Soon her protests ebbed out and turned into low groans. Then her body tensed under his and she was quiet, only her shallow, uneven breaths told him about her enjoyment. She moved under his tongue, her hands latching onto the opposite edge of the bed, her hips rising rhythmically, but not a sound was heard. He had always wondered about that, the silence of Amanda while making love. It made him want to make her scream her passion out loud, he wanted to be able to make her lose all control and voice her joy. The palms of his hands rubbed her breasts hard, like he knew she wanted him to. Her legs came up around his shoulders, squeezing him while her back curved. Easing himself up above her, he took one swollen nipple into his mouth, laving and suckling, his arousal hurting against the hard frame of the bed. Amanda's moves enticed him further, her hands gripping the bed frame hard, her hips gyrating. When he took the nipple between his teeth and pulled at it she finally groaned out loud.

The sound of her pleasure blinded him, he gave her second breast the same treatment and was rewarded with another throaty moan. He sank back between her thighs and kissed her until she writhed on the bed, her silence shattered as she shivered under his hands, soft sounds escaping her as he devoured her hungrily. She whined his name and moaned uncontrollably in her passion, sweat forming a thin sheen on her forehead. The long dark hair now glued to her front. Her eyes half closed, all her attention turned to his caresses and the increasing tension in her body. She was absolutely beautiful. And he couldn't wait any longer, the sight mixed with her sounds had him enter her forcefully, filling her up in one smooth stroke. Her ankles clutching him and her nails digging into his back, she stifled a wail of pleasure. She moved her hips urgently, enticing him to speed up.

"Deeh-eper," she moaned as he repeatedly trust into her. "Jih-hmy-yyyh!"

He bowed over her, never losing his rhythm and pushed deep inside of her while taking the nipple into his mouth, pulling at it before he took it and suckled it hard. His mind going into shambles as he felt the release build up rapidly. She was supple and wet, she was swallowing him with lush hotness, taking his mind away. To finally have her verbalize her lust drove him close to the peak. All that was left was a need to release inside her, let all the frustration and anger turn into a hot flood.

Her nails dug into his scalp and her back arched, her body tense and moving erratically under him. A curse escaping her as she let go. Her legs trembling around him when he trust deep and hard into her. He came with a low growl, emptying himself into her. His hands on her hips, pulling her towards him, keeping her close to sense her contractions and answer them with his own. The release so powerful his breath momentarily stopped. His vision disappeared with his strength and he slumped over her.

His mind slowly returned to the sound of raspy inhales. They were still sprawled over the bed, sated and sweaty. But Jimmy felt an ache deep inside. He lifted his head to look at her. She was beautiful in the aftermath, strands of hair glued to her face and neck. Her breath fast and content, her eyes closed and a satisfied smile on her lips. She had gotten her way. But he hadn't.

"Manda," he whispered.

"Hmmmh," she responded and moved slightly. Jimmy took it as a cue to get off her. On shaky legs he rose and repositioned her to lay straight in bed, leaving room for him too. She muttered something and cuddled into the bed, like the bed was her lover and not him. He cautiously pulled the sheet from under her and covered her before easing himself to her side. Leaning in over her, he whispered her name close to her ear. She just rolled to him and buried her face in the crook of his neck. He slid one arm under her and held her close, knowing there would be no talking this night. Trying to match his breath to hers, he closed his eyes. The ache wouldn't leave him alone. But his mind grew dim and his consciousness shifted into sleep.

 

 

 

It was barely down when she heard steps in the hallway, she tried to determine whose they were and what anybody would be doing up at this ungodly hour? The steps disappeared downstairs and she remain still in her bed, too tired to move a muscle. Then she felt a movement in the bed. She didn't move as Kid tried to crawl unnoticed over her.   
"Hey you!" she gripped his T-shirt hard when he was positioned straight above her. "Where are you off to? No cafs! You heard what Emma said!"

Kid chuckled. "Didn't mean to wake you sweetie, thought I'd tidy myself up some first. Is that okay with you, boss?"

"Not unless you ask nicely," she giggled.

"Please," he whispered to her, his lips brushing hers. She threw her arms around him and hugged him close, it had been so long since last. It seemed like forever. But he smelled of sterilizing liquids and medicines and she wrinkled her nose. Kid laughed softly at her grimace.

"Give me ten minutes and we'll start over," he winked as he rose.

"Actually Kid," she started and untangled herself from the sheet to get up. "We need to talk."

Kid was rummaging around in the drawer for some clean clothes and stopped at her words. "'Bout what?"

"'Bout something Cody found out."

He turned back to the drawer and looked down into it, his hand around it squeezing it hard. "What?" His voice was guarded and tense.

For a moment Lou pondered on his strange behavior but then she let it go. The man was probably still full of caffeine. "We're clones."

Kid turned to her, his brow wrinkled. "Huh?"

"We're replicas of people having lived back in the nineteenth century Kid, all of us are. We're not really us if you get what I mean. I mean we're us all right but we've lived before."

"Are you all right, Lou?" He walked over to the bed, seating himself at her side, his head tilted to watch her.

"What'ya mean am I all right, didn't you hear me, Kid? We're part of some strange - whatever it is, it just isn't normal!" She wheezed at him. "Has nothing to do with mental health!"

He still looked at her like she had lost her mind. But she didn't care about his worried look, she just continued. Telling him everything, all the gruesome facts and the suspicions. Intently watching his face, she told him all she knew. He looked like he didn't believe her.

She was nearly out of breath by her long and rushed tale at the end. He remain silent at the edge of the bed, looking to the floor, like sorting out the facts in his head. She could almost see the facts being sorted out and weighed in his head. Seemed like denial was winning.

"They keep manipulating us Kid, that parcel to Amanda was sent for a reason, don't you see? She had been in those files and they knew."

"But why Lou? Why all this orchestration of events, you know what effort lies behind it all? And why us? Why not somebody else?"

"It started from us Kid, that damned picture that got in the hand of somebody at HuRec."

"I just can't believe it, it's too big somehow. How were they able to keep it a secret?"

"I'm not saying it's a kosher HuRec program Kid, I don't think it is."

He silently took her hand and squeezed it. "So you're saying they've killed our parents and our loved ones for a reason?"

"Maybe," Lou admitted, watching him closely. "I'm sorry, Kid."

He finally lifted his gaze from the floor and looked at her. He looked at her like he wanted to remember every feature of her face, like it was new to him. His hand clasping hers, like he needed something to hold on to, something to keep him sane. There was a rush of emotions inside him, she could tell that by watching him, disbelief and sorrow, anger and pain, all evident in his eyes. And she knew exactly what he went through, she had gone though it herself not so long ago. Those feelings had cleared and left an angry bitterness inside her, a bitterness that had been confirmed by her mother's words. She had gone through special care at a clinic before conceiving Lou. But obviously she still thought Lou was her real daughter and she hadn't found the force to tell her mother she wasn't. Mary Elisabeth Boggs-McCloud had gone through enough in this life to face that brutal truth served on an EA a late night in August. Eventually she might find out, but not until everything was certain. Kid didn't even have anyone to ask.

In the midst of all her thoughts and reminiscing, Kid's voice broke through. "We were married?"

He had a curious smile on his lips while he watched her. Something like the cat that got the mouse. She rolled her eyes at him in response. Sometimes the man was extraordinarily single-minded.

 

 

 

The moment he woke, he knew she was gone. Not only from the bed but from Sweetwater. He just knew it. He lay there for a while, trying to gather his thoughts. He had made a big mistake last night, he had been trapped by her once again. And she had taken what she wanted and left him. He wanted to scream. It was the story of his life, if he didn't get them killed, they left him. Everybody. He fought the coldness spreading in his chest and tried to deny the sense of abandonment.

Rising to check if her clothes were still hanging in the cabinet, he wasn't surprised that it was empty. Last night he thought he had seen a packed valise on the desk. But he hadn't asked. He had been too occupied to ask. Amanda had seen to that, she didn't want him, she just wanted to use him. Use him and then toss him when she was done. And she had done just that. Then she had left.

He rested his forehead on the cabinet door and closed his eyes. He would always be on the losing end.


	32. Chapter 32

In just three weeks the first hints of fall had crept into the air. A crispness foreign to them all, the air seeming high and light. This morning was different though, it had the air of Indian summer, a last lingering almost suffocating heat in the air. A bittersweet taste of a new beginning and a summer left behind. So much had changed in three weeks, life had somehow returned to normal, Rachel was recuperating, Noah was not the only doctor any longer, he had help from the new doctor, Barnes, in town. An old geezer that thrived on visiting the far away settlers. Noah spent more and more time with Rachel, setting up a small hospital of sorts, hiring nurses and overseeing transportation of the more urgent cases. Kid spent more and more time with Lou, combining the veterinary business with the HuRec assignments. Buck and Ike were occupied with establishing the new communication centers for the increasing population. Buck spent all his free evenings in town, chasing the new nurse he had cast his eye on. Jimmy had spotted yet another romance in its beginning. Ike spent all his evenings talking with Emily, planning for the future. Emma and Sam busy with overseeing the constructions for the newcomers. Everybody had a plan, except him.

Teaspoon had taken over the role as coordinator of the town. He, James Butler Hickok, was assigned as the protor of Sweetwater, with an office and all. But he never went there, it was Amanda's old office and he couldn't stand to be there more than ten minutes. He hadn't heard a word of her since she left, nada. The story of his life.

He walked his usual route over the yard, feeling the weight of the gun on his thigh. Like a comfort. He walked over to the corral, lately he had found solace in watching the horses. Sometimes he envied the animals, they had no choices to make. They just existed here and now, no questions asked. Leaning up against the railing, he whistled and waited. The golden horse lifted its head and watched. Jimmy whistled again and Sundancer followed his master's command and picked up a trot. Jimmy smiled, mostly to himself. Lately he had started to understand more and more of Kid's affection for these majestic animals. Who would have ever thought that?

"Watch out," he grunted when the horse poked him with the head, eager to find the goodies he knew Jimmy had brought. It had become a daily ritual. The horse was poking his shoulder, showering chewed grass all over him. Jimmy would have rather died than admitted he truly liked this horse and looked forward to the rides. "It's in my pocket, you fool." His hand tugged at the white mane while his other fished the apple up. Sundancer bowed his neck and took the offering.

"You're spoiling him rotten, Jimmy."

He knew the voice without even turning around. "Just bribing him, Lou."

Lou laughed and walked up to stand by his side. For a moment they stood there in comfortable silence, looking over the plain. The sun was showering them in hotness. It was like it had regained strength and decided to bestow them with yet another hot summer's day. Lightning spotted Lou and walked up to them, just as greedy as Sundancer. Jimmy and Lou shared a guilty smile as she fished up another apple and offered the horses.

"Just bribing him, Jimmy." Lou grinned at him. "You're a bad influence."

"So where'ya off to?" Jimmy asked, noticing the two halters hanging over Lou's arm.

"Kid and me's gonna go to the swimming-hole, won't be long before this summer's over. Wanna come?"

Jimmy peered at her, for a moment contemplating to take her up on the offer. Then he chuckled knowingly. "And disappoint Kid? Don't think so, he'll just put me on hog feeding duty for a week if I do. Where is the sod at?"

"He had a call about something from Willowbury's up the creek, nothing urgent. And no, he wouldn't."

"Of course not," Jimmy smirked. "He's tagging after you like he's on a leash. The best watchdog I've ever seen."

"He would, wouldn't he," Lou admitted with a guilty smile. Her eyes twinkling in the light, the soft smile that didn't quite cover her content. She was loving the effect she had on Kid, having him under her thumb. Jimmy couldn't help but snicker at her astuteness. But she was beautiful, and he couldn't blame the Kid.

"Yeah, and he would have every right to," Jimmy remarked, leaning in on her. Watching her intently with overt appraisal. Smiling when Lou's cheeks turned pink. "Come on Lou, I'll help you get the horses ready."

 

 

 

The heat was making waves in the air. It was almost hard to breathe it in. Or maybe that was just because Lou was riding by his side, glancing at him briefly, throwing him a teasing grin before she spurred Lightning and took off in a breakneck speed. He hollered a warning but, of course, Lou didn't care. She just urged Lightning on faster. He had no other alternative than following her.

She was already taking her blouse off when he dismounted. Her laughter and mocking of him having him shake his head. She laughed while he tied the horses to the tree and removed the towels from the saddle bag. Jumping on one leg, she freed herself of the boots on her way to the cooling water. He smiled at her hurry, walking up to the sandy part of the bank, remaining to watch her as she stepped up on the small stone and shed the last of her clothing. Then she looked over her shoulder at him, smiling ruefully before turning back to face the water. Standing on her toes, rising her arms over her head and describing a perfect curve in the air before she dove into the water.

He had to swallow at the sight. When she emerged, the droplets reflecting the sun, her dark hair in her eyes, the stretched neck and the swift moves and contented grin, he knew. He knew it like he had never known anything before. When she laughed and rolled around in the water, making a backwards somersault under the surface, he pictured a daughter like her. A replica of the woman in the water, a small child he could love and shelter. A family. And she was it, the woman he wanted to marry, the woman he wanted to share everything with. Children, old age and everything in between. He wondered if the feeling was an echo of the past?

"C'mon Kid!" She hollered at him, brushing the hair out of her face, waving at him to join her.

He remain watching her, wondering if she'd ever know how much he cared?

She didn't wait for his reply. With a content sigh she stretched her arms out and bowed her back. Floating into the water, totally calm and trusting, her eyes closed and her arms stretched out, toes emerging as she laid still and floated peacefully, the water carrying her. He just looked, taking in every detail, every move and every perfect part of her. She was all he ever dreamed of, what he had been waiting for all these years. It was hard to breathe, the wind had been knocked out of him. He never knew anything to be that perfect. Who had they been in their past lives? The notion was still too much for him to handle, he didn't quite understand the ramifications. Had they been happy? Who had they been?

She moved again, looking at him. "What's wrong? Forgot your trunks?"

He smiled.

"I won't tell," she chuckled happily while swimming toward him. The tanned back moving with every stroke she made, the play of muscles making him hold his breath for a while. She rose to her feet and came walking up to him, rubbing the water from her eyes. Her toes curling into the sand on the bank.

He sank to his knees before her, laying the towel under her feet. Speechless - while his hands followed the curve of the tanned calves. The small structure, the soft skin underneath. The stillness in the air making the moment feel eternal, like he was back in some far away time, like he had known Louise McCloud forever.

 

 

He was sitting on his knees, looking at her with a peculiar face, his hands warming the pits of her knees, tickling her. "What's wrong Kid?" she asked again, bowing to take the second towel from the ground.

"Lou," he started.

"Yeah?" His voice sounded strange, hesitant. She covered herself in the towel, wiping her face dry.

"You know the fifth line in the personal file?"

"Huh?" She squinted down at him, wondering. Sometimes he really was hard to figure out. "Fifth line? What the hell...?"

"Next of kin," Kid said, watching her, scooting closer to her, his hands still holding on to her. His knees framing her feet. His palms teasing her skin, sending shivers up her spine. It wasn't fair of him to expect her to actually think while he had his hands on her like that. A suspicion started to rise in Lou. But that couldn't be it now could it? He couldn't be serious!

"What about 'next of kin'? What you babbling about?"

"I'd like to be there, on that line, I mean - I'd like my name to be there."

"WHAT?"

"Will you marry me, Lou?"

She stared down at him, not believing her ears. People didn't marry these days! Had he gone insane? They had known each other six months or so, was he pulling her leg? Did he think he had to since they allegedly had been married centuries ago? If it even was true? What if everything was a lie? He looked up at her, obviously waiting for an answer. And he wasn't joking. For a moment her thoughts were a complete shamble of conflicting emotions, she had no clue how to react to this. Suddenly she went cold and logic, pushing the emotions far away from her mind. Regaining her control. Then she tilted her head and looked at him.

"And where's the ring?" she asked.

"The ring?" He looked like he had never heard the word before.

"Yeah Kid, the ring. You know, like a token of the love and such. Engagement is what it's called."

"Oh, the ring!"

She laughed, he was truly adorable in his own way. "Yeah, Kid, that's right, the ring. You see, from where I come, it's essential to at least have a ring when you ask somebody to marry you." She sank down to face him, shaking her head in reply to his question. "I won't marry no fool without a ring, Kid!"

He looked at her, his face embarrassed and flushed. She laughed and draped her arms around his neck. "you're so cute Kid, Completely out of your mind, but cute all the same."

"But Lou, I'm serious..."

Pressing her lips to his she silenced him, her hands wandering in under his T-shirt, efficiently diverting his attention. His arms around her waist, pulling her closer, while kissing her deeply. She broke the kiss to take his T-shirt off, admiring the ripe muscles underneath. Her fingers working on his pant button: "Oh my oh my Kid, you're so gonna pay for that stunt, dude."

"It wasn't..."

"Tokens Kid, never forget the tokens. You owe me a big one."

He uncovered her, laying the towel on the ground behind her, finally having gotten the implication in her demands. She laughed when he finally laid her gently onto the towel, ready to pay for his mistake.

"Show me you love me, " she whispered in his ear.

He bit her neck slightly, making her writhe under him, his skin hot on hers. His eyes filling her view, a silent plea in them, the blueness turning darker, the shade of passion. The color of her power over him, the color of need. Her hands nestled themselves into his hair, bringing him closer to her. Lips meeting hungrily, driving his embarrassment away. Her kiss forgiving but greedy. The coolness of the water disappearing fast when he touched her, the sweet tension growing instantly in her. The now so known need for him filling her. The sand was hot under her back. Closing her eyes she whispered his name.

 

 

 

"Boys!"

Ike and Buck stopped their stride.

"Get on over here!" Teaspoon was hollering at them from his office, the door always ajar, his feet up on the desk.

"I hate it when he spots us like this," Buck sighed, "we gotta switch bar!"

Ike threw him a crooked grin, "Teaspoon ain't no fool!"

"It's damned evil of him to set up office in front of the only bar in town," Buck sighed. "Couldn't he at least have been asleep?"

Ike chuckled when they stepped into the office Teaspoon occupied. They wouldn't get their beer today either, something always came up. They chuckled as they filed into the sparsely furnished room. The expression on Teaspoon's face had them alert at once.

"Get your gear together boys, Jimmy'll pick you up in half an hour."

"What's up Teaspoon?" Buck asked.

"I wish I knew, son, I wish I knew," the man muttered.

"All right, let me rephrase it, where are we going? And why?" Buck tried again.

"Farmers have been attacked in Blue Creek, I want the three of you to check it out for yourselves. Leave no rock unturned. I want first hand information about this."

Ike Scratched his head through the red bandanna. "Attacked?"

"Killed son, five entire families have been wiped out, butchered!"

Buck inhaled sharply, Ike's hand sank to his side. Both stunned to silence. Disbelievingly they just stood there, looking at the man before them, hoping he'd start laughing and tell them it was just a cruel joke. Everything had been so calm for so long in this place, why now? What was going on?

Teaspoon nodded bitterly. "Yes, butchered. And I want you to do the utmost to find out by whom. Get to the platform!"

They turned on their heels, the joyous mood gone. A dread filling them, it was like a nightmare. Ike threw Buck a glance as if to ask him what they were about to see? Buck shrugged.

"And that trip to the convention is in a week boys, I'm sending Ike with Kid and Lou. You better keep an eye on them." Teaspoon hollered after them. "That is if he can keep his hands off that fiancée´of his of course," the raggedy man muttered. "Seems I can't send Buck there, too busy chasing skirts here. Like we wouldn't have better things to do than travel to hold lectures, like HuRec wouldn't have better things to do than lure more innocent people into this mess."

Buck threw Teaspoon a warning glance over his shoulder, the man was talking loud enough to wake the dead.

The news about being able to meet with Emily didn't quite have the effect on Ike it normally would have. He looked at the vessel landing at the end of the street, his composure tense and determined.

Ike was all business.

 

 

 

The darkness was setting outside, sending the lamps inside the room to brighten automatically. Jimmy looked up from the report at hand. It just didn't make sense, why would three farms be attacked like this? No robbery, no kidnapping, nothing but death. Pure and simple. Three farms in one day? And the marks on the victims? Why? They had all been shot dead from a distance, why probe? Buck was right back there, it did seem like they knew what they were after, like they were on a mission. And why Blue Creek? Did those families have something in common? Something that tied them together to these hideous crimes? Was it random killings? A mad man or woman? No, the modus operandi was too similar, the perpetrator or perpetrators were the same, Jimmy was sure of that. All the rest seemed inexplicable to him. But as far as he knew, there was usually two major themes behind any crime, passion or money. Without any linkage between the families or any of the victims, money was the most likely motive in the case. But settlers? What does distinguish settlers? Usually there was no mayor financial gain for the settlers, and most certainly no criminal would have been chosen. Or if one or two slipped through the scanning, it wasn't likely that a member of each and every of the five settlers and their families would somehow be involved in criminal activity.

So what else was there? He leaned back, pushing the chair away from the desk. Putting his feet to rest on it. Looking out through the window, he pondered on the case. He would have to make the evacuating plans really, but this seemed more interesting. _Settlers,_ he thought, _who are they? Well,_ he answered himself, _they are all well schooled, totally out of their minds, romantics but certifiably healthy_.....the thought hit him like a ton of bricks. Health! The most valuable asset in this day and age. That and the ability to breed. He looked back o the files, stretching to get to them. There it was, each of the families had two or more children. One of the women that had been killed was pregnant, one had had her latest child less than a year ago.  
"Amanda was right!" He groaned out loud while staring down at the noppo, "the bastards!"

"Amanda was right about what?" Lou asked from the door,

He turned to look at her, he hadn't heard her approach. She walked right to him, inching herself to sit on the corner of his desk.

"What's up, Jimmy? I heard about the murders, what's happening here?"

"Thought you were to busy with lover boy to care about anything else," Jimmy muttered.

"Shut up Jimmy, " Lou retorted amicably. "What you find out?"

He looked at her, shaking his head in denial. "It's nothing really, just a suspicion."

"Well?" Lou prompted, arching her eyebrows.

"I think they're after the genetic code," Jimmy admitted, the thought forming as he spoke. "There's nothing else that ties these victims together, nothing at all, except the simple fat that they all were families and settlers."

"And?" Lou prodded further.

"They were able to breed spontaneously Lou, all of them had children conceived naturally, without any kind of medical intervention. They were clones Lou, just like us!"

Lou leaned forward, gripping the edge of the desk, impatient. "But why go through all the procedures of cloning them to then kill them? Doesn't make sense!"

"Don't make sense if you think HuRec's behind it, but they ain't, this is the work of some other group, someone that gains information from HuRec and then uses it for their own benefit. They're selling genetic codes to people Lou, ready to be cloned. And settlers are known to be fairly healthy, A-class material so to say. There are people willing to pay if they can't conceive on their own, Lou. As simple as that. Cloning is illegal, only HuRec seemed to have forgotten that for a while and started it's own program. Now they have competition."

"Jimmy, don't you think you're being a tad paranoid?"

"Better paranoid than sorry! The genetic codes are personal Lou, there are strict legislation for it's use. Nobody has the full genetic code of anybody on record, only way you can get it is by sampling the individuals, I think they just did that. They sampled them to death."

"That means we're all at risk, Jimmy!"

He looked at her, bent over at the waist, leaning in on him. "Specially you, Lou," he admitted.

"What?"

"You and Kid are as good as married ain't ya?" he smiled teasingly, "as soon as the small ones are announcing their arrival, I'd look behind my back every step of the way. Remember, it's destiny."

He could have sworn Lou blushed, for a brief moment she seemed to lose her countenance and sway slightly. Then she glared at him. "He told you?"

"Huh?" Jimmy peered baffled at her.

"He told you before he asked me? The low mealy-mouthed ....."

"Whoa, girl, hold on," Jimmy lifted his arms in a shielding gesture. "I was just joking! Who told whom what, who asked you what, Lou?"

"I cant believe him!" Lou ranted on, banging her heels on the metallic sides of the desk. "He tells you but forgets the ring? What the hell...."

"The ring?" Jimmy's ears perked. "Lou? What are you saying?"

Lou stopped her kicking and looked at him, realizing she had jumped to conclusions. Jimmy watched her intently, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"You find it amusing that someone would ask me to marry him, Jimmy?" Lou's voice was a bit unsteady.

"No, he married you last time, didn't he?" Jimmy chuckled. But at Lou's naked vulnerability, he shook his head, it wasn't the time for joshing around. Kid hadn't told her and neither would he. But he couldn't help wondering at the changes in Kid, the promises forgotten, the readiness to love again.   
"No," he admitted, "I just find it incredible that Kid would ask anybody to marry him."

"Why?" Suddenly it felt like Jimmy knew something she ought to know. "Why wouldn't he?"

"Forget it Lou," Jimmy shook his head. "Well, when's the wedding?"

"There's no wedding Jimmy, I said no, at least I think I said no."

"You don't know?" Jimmy laughed out loud. "You women!"

"What you mean 'you women'?" Lou wheezed.

"You always want it all, don't you? You want us on our knees, begging and then when you use us up, you just trash us, like used goods. You lie and cheat just to get us where you want us, sound familiar does it?" He chuckled at the way the world had turned. Or had it ever turned, hadn't it always been like that? On the surface the men ruled but deep down, it was the women pulling the strings. _Loving the victim's role,_ he thought bitterly.

Lou looked at him, her lips a thin white line.

"Just joking Lou," Jimmy tried.

"No you weren't," Lou snapped and slid off the desk, banging the door shut as she stepped out of the room.

Jimmy blinked twice in surprise at her hasty departure. Then he returned to the noppo, trying to get more clues out of the report. But he knew he should get in touch with Amanda and ask her. But he just couldn't bring himself to do that. It still hurt.

 

 

Outside Lou rested her hot forehead up against the cool wall. Jimmy's words ringing in her ears. The guilt making her feel slightly nauseous.

She still hadn't told Sean.


	33. Chapter 33

"Come on guys," Lou sighed for the nineteenth time in just ten minutes while she watched Ike and Kid ready themselves for the trip. They were being incredibly slow, both of them. She groaned as Kid moved uneasily in his new HuRec uniform, grimacing as he did. Lou knew he felt uncomfortable in the official outfit.

"You look just fine, now get that bag!"

Ike made a 'hold on' sign while he looked once again at the picture of himself mirrored in the glass door. He raked a hand through his hair and nodded that he was ready.

"Finally," Lou grunted and took Kid's hand. "God how I hate waiting for you guys to get ready."

Kid laughed from behind her. "Lou, he's not seen Emily for five months, he's gotta be prim and proper."

Lou chuckled. "Well, I can understand him, my question is why you are set on priming yourself? Anything I should know?" With a smile she glanced at him walking half a step behind her, clearly unwilling. Lou knew he dreaded the trip, even if it was just for twenty-four hours, Kid seemed to feel like being trapped. Probably missed his mare already.

"Lou, it's your burgh we're going to. What if there are people you know there at the seminar? You don't wanna be seen with a shaggy vet do ya?"

"It's my mother's burgh Kid, not mine, hasn't been in years."

"And what about when we finally meet?" Kid asked softly, "don't you think I should at least look presentable?"

"Kid, remember, we're just friends!"

Pushing him into a seat, she looked sternly at him, trying to avoid the hound dog eyes asking why. Seating herself besides him, she shook her head in a silent 'no'. His hand moved on her thigh, just above her knee. The touch so intimate, increasing her guilt.

"Please Kid," she whispered, "not now. We are representing HuRec, no touching, no holding hands, remember? I told you my mother's gotta be prepared, gradually. I'll tell her we're dating, later, when you've met." Looking at him, she begged for him to understand, not to ask for what she was till unwilling to give. "I know my mother Kid, she's real suspicious about men, and my boyfriend, please. I don't wanna give her a heart attack just like that!"

"Reminds me of someone I know," Kid smiled sadly at her. "I'll be on my best behavior, I promise. You won't even have to bring a doggy bag along."

"Kid," Lou groaned demonstratively, "it's not you, it's her! Just friends alright? I know what I'm doing."

"All right, Lou." Withdrawing his hand, he leaned back to rest up against the wall, still watching her. "But can I at least take a colleague out for a drink afterwards?"

"You don't drink," Lou reminded him. "But a pizza would be fine."

"I was thinking about asking Ike," Kid leered at her.

"Oh shut up," Lou swatted his thigh, "get ready for your speech instead."

He laughed softly at her and placed the EA behind his ear, coupling it to the memo-slot. Lou positioned herself so that her elbow was sure to touch his on the armrest. Then she closed her eyes and went through the speech in her mind once more.

 

 

She held her breath for a while when she entered the large auditorium; there were literally hundreds of people sitting there, clapping their hands as they walked in. She remembered how she had been sitting in a similar auditorium herself, four years ago, hanging onto every word of the HuRec's Team One members tales. She couldn't believe how far she had come in these years. As they walked up to the podium, she glanced back at the two men following her. Kid looking embarrassed, shying away from the ovations, Ike ogling the public, searching for Emily. Then his eyes lit up and he waved his hands at someone in the crowd. Lou figured he forgot all about where he really was at that instance. The smile was like plastered to his face. His eyes glued to the spot among all the people while he walked behind them. Lou thought he'd trip on the stairs but he managed them skillfully.

The woman waiting for them on the podium seemed familiar, but Lou couldn't quite place her. Not until she shook hands with Kid and smiled at him. _Samantha,_ Lou thought, _wonder if he ever called her?_ Seating herself at Kid's side behind the table, she felt her nerves finally calm down, she'd do her best and she knew her stuff. It was a question of an hour, then they'd have all day to explore the sites, she was looking forward to showing Kid the cupola in which she grew up.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let me present the ME and microbiologist of team 41, Louise McCloud. She's going to tell you how it works outside. So listen up all you wanna-be HuRec's, now's your chance to find out if you're in it for the myths or for the real thing."

Samantha smiled in her direction and Lou nodded, she was ready.

"Take it away, Louise," Samantha said and seated herself at the Kid's side.

Lou flicked the first picture onto the wall, a huge conglomeration of anthrax bacteria."This is just the beginning," Lou said as the crowd silenced. All the eyes were directed at her and she smiled, she was actually enjoying this.

 

 

 

Relieved from a job well done, Lou stayed close to Kid when they walked into the area with the refreshments, the two hours on the podium had made her starved. She relied on Kid to push his way to the tables loaded with food.

"It's all artificial you know," Kid laughed at her hurry when she poked his back to have him advance faster. "Won't be like back home."

"I'd eat anything right now, I swear," Lou laughed. "Think I forgot to eat yesterday."

"Yep," Kid nodded as he made way for them both, mumbling excuses while he slid through the crowd. "And you wouldn't listen to me telling you either."

Lou groaned and turned back to roll her eyes in Ike's direction, but he wasn't there. Both he and Emily were gone. "Kid, hold on!" Grabbing the back of his shirt, she stopped him. "Can't see Ike and Emily anywhere!"

Kid turned around to watch over the crowd, Lou hung on to his shirt, rising to her toes to catch a glimpse of their friends. Then Kid stiffened under her touch and cast her a questioning glance. "You sure you're looking for Ike?"

"What?" Lou let go off his shirt and took a step back, bewildered at the change in him. "What'ya talk...."

Strong arms grabbed her waist. A familiar chuckle followed and she was swung up into the air, she went stone cold at the touch. A million thoughts ran through her mind,d all at once. This was not supposed to happen. Not like this, not now.

"Sweetie!"

The man turned her around and she was too stunned to utter a word, she felt his lips on hers when he kissed her. Lou struggled against the hold. "No," she mumbled, turning her head away from him.

"Not in public, huh?" he chuckled. "Oh God Lou, it's so good to see you. You're so beautiful. I've been waiting so long for this."

He framed her face with his hands and looked into her eyes, smiling. Lou felt so bad, bad for not telling him sooner, bad for what was happening, just because she hadn't worked up the nerve to tell him. How could she tell him now, in the midst of all this people? Sean was a very proud man, he'd hate to be dumped like this. She would hate to be dumped like this. Not knowing what to do, how to tell him, she remain looking into his eyes wondering how to find the words to tell him she was here with someone else.  
"Sean..." she started.

"Your Ma told me you'd be coming, she told me to come here and get you home. She's waiting to see you sweetie, we'll all have dinner and then..." he whispered the rest into her ear, telling her about the fancy hotel-room he had arranged. Telling her how he looked forward to being with her. Lou looked in Kid's direction, asking him to jump in, begging him to get her out of this awkward situation. Kid looked at her, his eyes cold, an expression in them that had her hold her breath. Behind him, Samantha was working her way to them. The damned woman hooked her arm around Kid's and smiled at him.

"You disappeared so fast I lost you, you fancy a drink?"

Lou muttered and turned around to free herself from Sean's hold. He chuckled, thinking it was her usual shyness and embraced her tighter. Kissing her hair.

"With you, Samantha, it'd be a privilege." Kid smiled to the woman at his side. "You look so beautiful Samantha, love your hair."

Lou stared disbelievingly, Kid was smiling, bowing his head to Samantha, giving her that cute smile. Lou knew full well what that did to a woman, it made you knees wobble. When Kid looked at her that way, she'd walk around the earth with him, no questions asked. And Samantha was just the same, her smile in response to Kid's told Lou she'd do anything he asked. And if he didn't ask, Samantha surely would.

"Mind if I borrow him for a while Louise, you and Ike can have him back tomorrow?" Samantha giggled, overtly eyeing the man at her side with appreciation.

"Of course," Sean spoke up, still clutching Lou close, he moved a bit closer to the couple standing in front of them, extending his hand. "I don't think we've met, I'm Sean. Lou and I will be off in a short while."

"Sean..." Lou protested, trying to pry herself loose.

"John McCloud," Kid said, his voice fully under control, "nice to meet you. Heard a lot about you." Just a tad of sarcasm revealed. Lou looked to see his eyes but he refused to look at her, he held on to Samantha's arm, standing very close to her. The darned women looked perfectly happy.

"Oh, the monk?" Sean whispered into her ear. But loud enough for Kid to catch it.

Lou momentarily closed her eyes in desperation, remembering full well the evening shortly before she left. That evening Sean had gone through the files of her future teammates, both of them pondering on what they would be like. Lou had told him the vet was called the monk, they both had laughed and wondered what was wrong with him. She had laughed at Kid! Her cheeks felt hot from shame, she dared not look at him, afraid he'd see her betrayal.

"What?" Samantha asked and Lou opened her eyes. Tears pricking behind the lids. She decisively freed herself from Sean's hold.

Kid leaned in to whisper something in Samantha's ear. Samantha threw a glance in Lou's direction and laughed seductively. Her body curving into Kid's side. Stunned Lou looked between the two of them, Kid wrapping an arm around Samantha's waist. Casting one glance in Lou's direction, a glance so full of frosty detachment that Lou felt the chill spread from her spine right through to her fingertips.

"I see," Samantha said, drowning in Kid's eyes. Kid bowed to whisper anew into her ear and Samantha slid her arms around his waist. Lou was feeling nauseous.

"We'll be off then," she said in Lou's direction, never taking her eyes off Kid. Their heads so close, Kid's lips practically touching her cheek. "Be at platform A35 tomorrow at 0900," she continued distractedly.

When she turned around with her arm around Kid's waist, Lou finally sprang to life. "Kid! Wher'ya going?"

Neither of them minded her question, Kid smiled down at Samantha and slid his hand to rest on her hip. She smiled up to him and wet her lips. Lou felt like barfing here and now. How the hell could he do this to her, and with that woman? What the hell was happening to him? What she just had witnessed wasn't the Kid, it was somebody else, somebody without an ounce of shyness in his body. Somebody callous and calculating, not Kid. Kid wouldn't go with another woman just like that! It had taken her months to warm him up and now this? He hadn't looked at her once, he gave her no time to explain, he just walked off!

"What a jerk!" Sean commented at her side, "didn't even say good-bye."

Lou lost the pair in the crowd. Without turning her head, she told Sean to go order a Turtle, she'd wait for him at the exit and that she had to check on something.

"Louise?"

"Just go Sean...I'll be back ...I just have to go right now!" She was making her ways through the crowd, circling around people, pushing her way through, desperately searching for them. But they were nowhere to be seen. Spotting Ike and Emily walking toward the exit, she rushed up to them. "Ike!"

They both turned, happy smiles on their faces, hand in hand. Emily leaning up towards him, cuddly. As they stopped, Ike's arm immediately encircled her. Lou hated to interrupt their rendevouz, it was not right for her to cast her troubles on them. They had such a short time together right now, tomorrow morning Ike would have to return with them.

"What's wrong, Lou?" Emily asked.

"Where's Kid?"

"Isn't he with you?" Ike asked confused.

"No, he went with Samantha, didn't he tell you anything?"

"He what?" Ike croaked, looking at Lou like she had lost her mind.

"Have no time to explain right now Ike. Said they were going to get a drink, he didn't tell you?" She was already on her way out, if Ike didn't know she'd have to find him on her own.

"Hold on, Lou," Ike prompted and took her arm, "where are you going?"

"To find him!"

"I heard some talk about going to Oliver's Inn later," Emily ventured, "maybe he went there?"

"Let's go see!" Ike hooked his other arm around Lou's and walked to the door.

"No Ike, you and Emily...go on doing what you intended to, I'll find him myself." Lou protested, knowing she was probably ruining everybody's evening right now. Most of all her own. She would have to call her mother too and explain. Why the hell had she told Sean?

"No way Lou," Emily shook her head, "we're with you on this one."

Ike smiled, taking Emily's hand, he stuffed it into the large pocket of his jacket. A gesture of an old habit between the two, Ike warming Emily's hand in his pocket. Emily's eyes flooding with love.

Lou felt like the loneliest human on earth at the sight of the tenderness between the two.

 

 

 

They found them five hours later. In a fancy bar Lou spotted Samantha practically sitting in Kid's lap, bottles of expensive wine on the table. Lou growled at the sight of Samantha taking a sip out of the glass and then kissing Kid deeply. Kid laughing as she broke the kiss off and nibbled at his ear. Lou felt ready to slap them both around.

"Lou, maybe we shouldn't..." Emily tried to calm her and hold her back.

Ike whispered something to Emily and she nodded, walking up to the table occupied by the two. Lou right behind her, the anger threatening to choke her.

"Hey Kid...and...?" Emily asked politely.

"Samantha," A brief nod of the head, slight irritation visible at the interruption.

 _The woman is working fast,_ Lou thought, _cheap slut! And you, you goddamned prick! Ready to get into any woman's sack are ya, bastard!_

"Uh? Em? Ike? What....?" Kid paused as he spotted Lou, for a moment bewilderment shadowed the blue eyes, pushing away the coldness in them. The calculative mood momentarily gone. Then it returned full force and he laid an arm around Samantha's shoulders, the woman leaning in and kissing his neck.

Ike blinked twice in surprise. "Uh Kid, what's going on here?"

"Ike, please, I'll tell you later," Lou shushed him.

"I bet you will," Kid muttered dismissively.

That was it for Lou, she took one long step to stand behind Kid. Grabbing his shoulder hard, she yanked him backwards. "You and I, dude, need to talk!"

"The hell we do," Kid mumbled, thrown off his high horse by Lou's attack.

"You bet your ass we do," Lou wheezed at him. "Excuse us for a moment," she told Samantha. Obviously the alcohol infested brain was not really registering what was happening right now. "Get up!" she hissed at Kid.

To her astonishment he did what she asked him to, on slightly unsteady legs, he rose from the stool and turned to her. "What can you possibly have ..."

Lou pushed him before her all the way through the bar out to the dimly lit street. "We'll only be a moment," she politely told the usher at the door. She heard laughter and comments as she walked by the people gathered around the entrance. A low whistle had her cringe, a tiny woman like her hauling a man out of a bar must have them all wondering. But right now she didn't care if the whole world was watching. She kept on walking, dragging the Kid to the end of the building, into a dark corner of the street.  
"You're drunk," she said, disgusted, sensing his unsteady walk.

"So what?" Kid laughed bitterly. "What the hell is that to you?"

She slammed him up against the wall. "What the hell are you doin'?" she growled at him.

"Excuse me?" Kid asked with a bow forward, almost tipping over as he did. Swaying slightly on his feet as he repositioned himself.

"You heard me! You had your tongue halfway down her throat!"

"And?" he asked, lifting one eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be fucking the boyfriend right now 'sweetie'?" The endearment a badly performed imitation of Sean's voice.

"I thought you were different," Lou grunted while pushing him back to stand against the wall. "I thought you were bigger than this!"

"Sorry to have disappointed you Lou, I'm not your puppet, you can't swipe the floor with me, I'm so sorry. Did I forget to tell you that?" A gleam of scorn in the blue eyes, something Lou had never seen before.

"What is it? Wasn't he big enough for you either so you had to come back to look for me?"

Lou stared amazed at the man in front of her, disgusted at his behavior, she remain staring into the eyes she thought she knew, now so transformed, so cold and unfeeling.

"Oh, so you didn't get any? Still need to get laid? But you already got all the fucks you had coming from me 'sweetie', go back to Sean, you ain't gettin' none from me any longer!" He looked down on her, smiling scornfully at her silence.

She hated this man standing in front of her, she hated the words he used, she hated the innuendos. She slapped him hard across the face, hard enough to send him staggering backwards. Trying to regain his balance by finding something to hold on to on the lean wall, finally regaining his stance as Lou stepped closer to him. "Go fuck her you useless idiot, you're right, I used you to get laid. But hell it wasn't worth it. Never was! Look at you, you're embarrassing us all! Fine piece of shit you are! Asshole!"

She stroke out against his chest, hitting him square in the middle. He said nothing, kept looking coldly at her. Instantly sobered up by her attach on him. His hands remain still at his side, like nothing she did to him bothered him any longer. There was no other reaction than dismissal. Like her anger was nothing to him. He just grunted as her blows hit him and she hit him hard initially. Putting all her strength into the blows, yelling at him with every hit. Until her strength vanished, her anger turning into sorrow at her inability to handle the situation. This wasn't what she had intended. Not this numbness from him, no other reactions than that callous expression, ice cold eyes watching her. Tears burned behind her eyelids and she kept hitting him to keep them at bay. "I hate you, I hate you," she yelled with every blow until someone clinched her arms and dragged her away.

"Lou!" Ike's voice in her ear calmed her down. Watching Samantha walk up to Kid and examine his face, running her hand over it. Exclaiming; "Oh God, what she done to you?" as Kid jerked his head back.

A single sob escaped Lou when Ike threw his arms around her. "It's okay Lou."

"I'll get some water," Emily said at her side.

"No! I need to go," Lou mumbled, "I need to get goin'..."

"Check on Kid, Ike!" Emily ordered and turned Lou away from the two at the wall.

"I'm fine," Lou heard Kid assure Ike. "I'm just fine."

"I'll take him home Ike, you see so Louise gets wherever she's goin," Samantha prompted.

"It'll be fine," Emily hummed to Lou and threw her arms around her. Lou felt hot tears trickle down her cheeks, all her anger gone and only despair remaining.

"Come on Kid, let's all go to the hotel and clear this out," Ike urged.

"No thanks," Kid's muffled voice replied. "It's all very much cleared out, thank you."

"Ike, I'll take him home," Samantha's voice eager. "Get Lou to the hotel. I'll take care of Kid."

"You'll regret this Kid," Ike warned.

"Tell you what, I just don't care any longer," Kid answered as Samantha dragged him on, past Emily and Lou. Out of their sight.

Lou started trembling in Emily's hold. The last words Kid had uttered tearing up old wounds, making them bleed all over. Those were her father's words. "I just don't care any longer"

 

 

They walked slowly back to hotel, Emily holding an arm around Lou's shoulders, Ike walking in front of them. Nobody said much, Lou felt like all the strength had vanished with the blows, now she just wanted to lie down on the pedway and sink into oblivion. This wasn't really happening was it? Kid hadn't walked away with that woman, she hadn't yelled at him and hit him. He never looked at her with those ice cold eyes, he'd never said those words. 'I just don't care any longer'. And Sean, was he still waiting for her at the exit? And Ma? Was she still waiting for her to bring a friend back home. A friend? He was no friend of hers, never had been, friends didn't do things like this to each other. The notion of what she had done hit her hard and she whimpered.

"You okay, Lou?" Emily asked at her side. "We're just about there. You need something to eat."

Ike slowed his pace to let them catch up with him. "What happened Lou, why the hell did Kid leave with her? I thought you and him...."

"Ike!" Emily warned softly, sensing Lou's tremble increase at his question.

"He's gonna pay for this Lou, I promise," Ike muttered.

"It's not quite as simple Ike, it's not all his fault, it's just ...he wouldn't listen!"

"What ya mean not his fault, Lou?" Emily wondered at her side. "I don't understand."

"Sean showed up," Lou mumbled, her voice sinking so low it was barely audible.

"Who?"

"Sean, my ....my boyfriend..at least he still thinks I'm his girl, coz' I never worked up the nerve to tell him it was over."

Ike let out a low whistle. "Oh... all right..well I understand better now."

"I meant to tell him right then and there Ike, but Kid just walked away with....Samantha." She had enormous difficulties pronouncing the name without her rage returning.

"I wanted to tell him sooner, I really did, but I mean - me and Kid, hell it hasn't been easy. And Sean, well Sean is nice, I know where I have him, I can handle him, it's easy to handle him. But Kid, I mean ...I think I love him but ...."

Emily stopped. "We're here," she said softly. "Ike go get them keys while Lou and I go into this Drop-In right here, to get ourselves something to eat. Take your time, Ike."

Ike smiled at Emily, knowing what she was doing, she was giving Lou a woman to woman talk. And he was supposed to stay away. Half and hour, he asked with his hands. Emily nodded. "Okay, I'll get them keys and ...make a couple of calls...be back later."

Emily smiled at him and he sighed, hating to leave her, but he did as he was told. For this half hour without Em's hand to hold he'd have Kid pay, abundantly.

"Come on, Lou!" Dragging the reluctant woman inside the Drop-In and seating her at the table before positioning herself opposite her and pushing the button for ordering. "A kebab all right by you Lou?" Lou merely nodded. Emily punched the order in; three kebabs and Xepsi's, and cafs to go. She ordered 3 apple-pies too, to surprise Ike. He loved them and he'd probably have hers too. He was already sitting on the bench outside, watching her, lifting the keys up into the air as he spotted her eyes on him. She smiled, he had gotten them keys in no time.

"All right Lou, talk to me!"

Lou's head popped up, "W-w-what?"

"Lou, let's make a list, pro and con Sean, what's keeping you from telling him?"

"Huh?" Lou asked with a wrinkled brow.

"That's how I make my decisions if I have the chance, I make a list and I decide. It helps, I promise. Go on, what's good with Sean?"

"Uh, I don't know, he's dependable I guess."

"Good, I'm sure you got more, lay it out."

"Well, he's....charming, everybody loves him. I know him, I think I know him. He's safe. And he's that guy every woman wants."

"Okay, that's the good list, so what not so good?"

"He's a bit conceited sometimes, doesn't see beyond himself occasionally. Very keen on appearances, like, you know, has to always wear the latest. He just doesn't always understand others' point of view, or doesn't care, I don't know. Rather shallow in fact."

Emily smiled to herself, she had a feeling the choice would be easy for Lou, if she only dared to take it. "And Kid, what's the good part?"

Lou slammed her fist down on the table. "There's no good part in him, none at all. Just look what he did! Walking away with that...that woman! I mean, he looked at her with those goddamned eyes of his, and I know what that does to you. You just kind of melt. He's so hard headed sometimes, just has to do what's right and God help the rest of the world if they don't agree, he just does it. First time we had a problem in Sweetwater, him and Ike went off on their own, I was so angry with them at that time. They could have been killed for goodness sake, but did they wait for the rest of us, no, of course not, he had to do it all by himself. Probably dragged Ike into it! And then, that time the ground caved under me, he just had to come get me, didn't he? We were standing there on a ledge. I told him to let go and save himself! I'da been able to take care of myself, did he listen? No! He had to be the hero, saving me. Leaving me wondering if he'd make it, if he'd get killed 'cause of me. I thought he would tumble down head first. I was so scared."  
Her voice had become a low mumble.  
"I know he's hiding something, there's something he won't tell me. Something that happened to him that made him what he is. He just won't talk about it. Neither is Jimmy, and I know they share some history, but he just won't tell. Always needs to be the strong one, in control. Looking out for everybody else, when he himself, I don't know, sometimes he seems so sad. So vulnerable, you just wanna hold him."

Emily leaned into hear her mumbles. "If that was his good sides I'm afraid to ask about the bad ones."

Lou lifted her eyes to look at the woman sitting opposite her. Her eyes calmly watching Lou, no emotions revealed. Lou felt safe with her, she wouldn't judge or laugh at her mixed emotions, she was there to listen, so much like Ike.

"He's sweet and caring, dependable, sticks to his words. Which makes me crazy sometimes, and so damned overprotective! So reserved and introverted you feel the need to pry him open with a can opener at times, and yet again, he somehow tells you everything. Without uttering a single word. Makes my knees wobble with that smile and those eyes, oh God those eyes! So deep blue you wanna drown in them, I can tell what he's thinking and feeling by just watching his eyes. I know him even thou' he hasn't told me much, it's like I've known him forever. Sometimes the words just get in our way and all we need is being close. He gives you everything he's got, and that is plenty. When he's there, he truly is there in all senses, he's there with everything he is. And now he's giving it all to that....Samantha, Jesus Christ I hate him!" Slamming her hand into the table again she stopped and glanced at Emily.  
"Oh God, I'm making no sense whatsoever here, am I?"

"You don't know that Lou, that he's really giving anything at all to Samantha." Emily smiled sadly at her, and Lou blushed, she'd revealed far too much. Knowing that, she looked down on the tablecloth, fidgeting with it nervously.

"I admit, I'm a total screw-up. I know that!"

"Well you certainly told me a lot, that's true, but what you didn't tell me was why it's so hard for you to decide? It's pretty clear to me that you really want to be with Kid, so why all this hesitation?"

"Emily, if there's one thing I've learned in this life is that you can never trust a man, never! Don't give your heart away, don't ever do that!"

"I don't know about that Lou, I truly don't know about that."

"I know," Lou stated softly, "you can't ever love anybody like that. He just proved it to me. But Em, tell Ike to get over here, he's about to break his neck trying to ogle you from over there."

Emily Metcalf laughed and waved at Ike to come on over.

 

 

Lying in the soft bed, all she saw was pictures of Samantha and Kid together, Kid touching her, kissing her. Rolling around with her, whispering to her. She tried watching a movie, all that happened was Kid and Samantha kissing passionately, accompanied by the tune and the screen fading into a technicolor blue as the scene dimmed into a view of heavy rain over dark moors.

Calling Sean again, she cursed vehemently, his EA still wasn't on. And what the hell would she tell him anyways? Her mother was right, she had hurt him badly. She wondered if she'd have to call her mother again, excusing herself yet another time, but then she realized she wasn't exactly sure how her lies had sounded the first time. And why had Sean bothered to check that she left with Ike and Emily, what if he asked one of them? What would they say! No, she better stick to her story, something had happened and she had to leave right that evening, she wasn't here any longer, and by God, she wished she wasn't.

She tried once again to listen into the room adjoining hers, wishing there would be some sounds, any sounds. Wishing he'd return. Not knowing where he was at right now was harder than the images that assaulted her. What if something had happened to him?

"Happened?" Lou muttered to herself, desperately trying to find something less romantic to watch, something like kick boxing. "What's happening is that he's screwing Samantha, and you're here alone in this bed, that's what's happened to him!"

But she couldn't stop listening, every time somebody walked in the hallway, she stirred, wishing to hear the click of the card in the door next to hers. It never came and she fell into a restless slumber, nightmares of Kid and Samantha waking her before she even fell asleep. The images then fading and memories of Kid making love to her taking over. Memories of them by the swimming hole, water washing over them as they merged on the sandy bank. The thrill of the forbidden heightening her pleasure. The late nights she snuck into his room, cuddling up close to him. Those nights they just fell asleep, holding each other close. Listening to his breathing until she fell asleep. The rise and fall of his chest under her cheek serving as a lullaby, the warmth of his arms around her soothing the ache in her muscles. The sense of total peace as they drifted off to sleep holding each other.

"I hate you!" Embracing the pillow she cried in the dark until her eyes closed. She was so exhausted that no nightmares or dreams haunted her any longer. They were all drowned in her tears.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Robbie William's "If it's hurting you" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGjbnfpn74Q

A loud bang on the door had her fling herself out of bed, stopping halfway on her way up, blinking surprised at the unfamiliar ambiance. A second loud bang and Ike's "LOU!" brought her senses back. Landing her in the present.

"Yeah?" She walked to the door while dressing herself, her head throbbing violently. "Ike, what's wrong?"

"It's 0800 Lou," Emily's voice was much more pleasant to listen to.

"Yeah?" Lou repeated while pulling the official HuRec pullover over her head and opening the door.

"Thought you'd want some breakfast before you leave," Emily smiled at her.

"Kid?" Lou asked.

Ike looked to the floor and Emily shook her head. "His EA isn't on, Ike just tried calling him."

Lou's eyes darted to Ike. "He's not answering?"

"Lou, Ike says he never remembers to use it anyways, maybe that's just it. He's..."

"He never came here, did he?" Lou mumbled, "he stayed with her." Her hands formed fists at the thought. "He stayed with her," she repeated, incredulous.

"Lou, please, we don't know that!" Emily tried to comfort her. "Go get your things and come down, we'll get some breakfast and everything will look better. Ike'll keep calling him, maybe he'll remember to flick it on?"

"Yeah, right," Lou mumbled. "I'll just go tidy myself up, be back in a minute, you two can go down, I'll be along shortly."

"We'll wait," Emily said and flung herself onto a chair near the door. "We're in no hurry."

 

 

 

Lou slid into the bathroom and washed her face with ice-cold water. Looking into the mirror, she grimaced at the sight of herself; her hair standing on end, bags under her eyes accentuating the puffiness and the all but becoming red eyes. "No wonder he went with Samantha," she groaned, "who'd wanna be seen with me?"  
Cupping her hands, filling them with cold water she repeatedly rinsed her face, feeling the cold shock her skin into tingling. The fluffy towel returning some warmth into her cheeks when she rubbed her face with it. "I won't cry no more," she told herself. "He won't have me shed another tear, ever!" The reflection that met her this time looked slightly better, eyes clearer and the bags had shrunken slightly. Wetting her hands anew, she even got her hair into some sort of shape. "All right Lou, you know what you have to do. You just don't care, don't ever care!"

Ike looked at her when she walked out of the bathroom, this time Lou had the sense to smile at him, reassuringly. "Let's go," she said as she gripped her bag.

 

 

 

Ten minutes before liftoff, Lou stared at the clock on the tower. Ike and Emily sitting on the bench, awaiting the ASA to land and let them in. Lou wandered along the platform that led out into the open. The external landing platform outside, the one they would be using.

Nine minutes left and no Kid in sight. She didn't know if to be relieved or worried. She had dreaded the sight of Samantha and Kid showing up together, kissing each other good-bye. She still dreaded it, but if they came now there would not be much time for kissing. Lou waked around the platform once again, no warning lights on yet, the ASA was still far away, obviously. She dared cast a glance out on the isle leading to the platform; still no Kid.

Eight minutes left. Ike waved at her to come. Reluctantly she steered her steps in that direction, not really knowing if she wanted to know what Ike had to say. What if Kid had decided to stay with Samantha? She wasn't sure she could handle hearing this right now. "What?" she asked.

"Just talked to Samantha, Lou, Kid's not with her, seems he ...."

"What!" Lou exploded, "where the hell is he then? Goddamned idiot!"

Ike made a sign for 'I don't know'.

"Still not answering," Lou wheezed, "of all the irresponsible things to do, this really beats all. I have a good mind to report him to HuRec, that damned bastard. He knew we would leave at 0900, he should know the clock by now!"

Emily touched her arm and made a shushing sound.

Lou shook her hand off. "No Em, there's no excuses for this behavior. He at least should let us know! Goddammit, he knew we were leaving and now he just drops off the chart like that? How the hell will this reflect on us? We lose a member of our team just like that, because the goddamned prick won't even use the EA! Just wanders off on us! Nice pick them psychs did, I knew there was something strange about him. I just knew he'd do something foolish, I hope to God HuRec's not stupid enough to bail him out if he's...."

"Ahem, Lou!" Ike interrupted her, looking over her shoulder.

"What?" Lou snapped.

"Hello Kid," Emily smiled tentatively.

Lou turned around to find Kid standing only a step away from her. At the sight of him, she gasped. His formerly smart outfit was dusty and wrinkled, his hair ruffled and his face downright dirty. His collar tucked into the suit only partially, flapping on the other side, Lou had to refrain herself from reaching out to tuck it in. With downcast eyes he looked at some vague spot at the side of her head. Lou suddenly found herself at a loss for words, his drooping shoulders and lost appearance subdued her anger. Instead she wanted to hug him and ruffle his hair. His eyes followed something behind her back and she turned to watch Ike and Emily walk away from them. Keeping her eyes on the pair, she cleared her throat; "Where's your EA?"

"I lost it."

"You lost it?"

"Yeah."

"Where?" Lou's voice trembling. Pictures of him in a heated embrace with Samantha, her hands touching him. Like she used to! Samantha's hands all over him. Undressing him, wandering into his hair. Lou's nails dug into the palms of her hands.

"I don't know."

An ASA hovering outside, waiting to land.

"You don't know?"

Finally he lifted his eyes to look at her. This time the deep blue so desolate, so lost. The little boy lost, hesitant to ask for directions, the shyness back. Was it regret she saw in there, regret or shame? Those eyes again touching the strings he had tied around her heart. And she wished with all her heart she'd be able to truly hate him.

"Lou, I'm so goddamned sorry, if you...."

The sound of the air-lockage drenched his voice. Lou felt like screaming out loud, if he asked for forgiveness it meant he had actually done it. He had gone all the way with that woman, touching that woman with his hands, giving her his passion and made love to her. He had cheated on her! He had been with that woman, soiling what he and she had. The love they had made suddenly seeming so cheap. The ground wavered under her feet for a moment as she looked at him. She didn't want to hear the words, she really didn't, but she knew she'd have to hear him say it, just to put him behind her. Just to be able to stop loving him some day, she needed to hear him say it to enable her to forget the dream. "What?" she asked quietly as the rumble around them finally settled.

"If you don't want me to return with you Lou, just say so and I'll stay right here." His eyes again diverted to the floor, his voice so low she had a hard time making the words out.

"What?"

His hand gripping hers softly, the eyes again fixed on some spot on her shirt. "I'm so sorry Lou, didn't mean for anything of this to happen. I didn't mean what I said, I was angry, I'm sorry. It's just...I can't do this. I can't handle it, you were right, you told me from the beginning but I just wasn't listening. I guess I was hoping it would turn out differently. But I can't handle this, I hope you understand. If you don't want me to return with you Lou, I won't, I'll resign. Just say the word."

"Handle what?" Lou asked, fighting the urge to throw her arms around him, kiss him and make up. But it would be a lie, she wouldn't be able to forget him and Samantha, not ever.

"You and me like this, Lou. I just can't cope with it. I'm sorry." His thumb caressing her knuckles as he stared down on her hand while holding it. "I'm sorry."

Lou bit down hard on her lip, _don't cry you fool, don't cry! He's breaking up with you, you knew it was coming. It was just around the corner. He's just a man, he can't be trusted. He found something else. Someone he's able to handle._ "Yeah Kid, guess we were never meant to be." She was astonished at how calm her voice sounded.

His hand let go off hers. "I guess so," he spoke quietly, pain making his voice shiver slightly.

The light turned green and frontpanel opened, Kid turned to watch it. Lou gripped her bag and started walking up to the vessel, glancing at Ike and Emily sharing a last kiss. Kid remaining where she'd left him. She paused and realized she had no feelings any longer, she was all blank, too much had happened in too short a time. She felt like moving on autopilot, she didn't reflect, she didn't feel, she just performed. Ike swirled Em around in the air and then let her down on her feet, with one last kiss, he turned to the vessel.

"Bye Em!" Lou waved a hand in the air, getting a wave back and a 'see ya soon!'

"You comin' or not?" she snapped at the Kid still standing where she left him. She held her breath for a moment as Kid seemed to hesitate. Then her throat tightened when he took the first step and walked up to them standing by the frontpanel. She had to hurry inside the ASA to not let him see the moist that was forming in her eyes.

 

 

 

The two hours in the ASA were pure hell, nothing less. Lou seated herself near the isle of the small vessel, leaving the other seat free for Kid. He took the lonely chair at the opposite side instead, leaving Ike glaring as he seated himself at Lou's side. Lou threw Ike a glance to warn him of asking or saying anything about the situation. So Ike fell silent, they all fell silent. Nobody saying one single word during the trip.

Lou closed her eyes and concentrated on not thinking about what had happened. It just wouldn't work. The more she tried not to think about it, the more she did. What had Kid meant really by not being able to handle the situation? Why was it so hard for them to talk? And what situation? She was afraid to ask him, she was afraid to show him how much she cared, she longed for him to say that nothing happened between Samantha and him, but she felt she couldn't ask, because if he told her it had, she'd cry. And where had he been all this time if he hadn't been with her? Had he been with somebody else? Why the hell did he keep talking in riddles and not saying what he meant? Plain and Clear. Or did he know she'd have a hard time handling it herself if he did tell her?

Glancing at him from the corner of her eyes, she watched him stare out the minute window, slightly bent forward, his head resting on the wall. Arms loosely at his side, he sat there unmoving, gazing out into the blue of the sky they were traversing.

 

 

 

It was so painful to see her, so painful, her eyes running over him, disgust in the gaze as it fell on him. He had never intended for all this to happen but seeing that man walk up to the woman he loved, hold her and kiss her had made something snap in his head. Anger, an anger he had a hard time controlling. What he would have liked to do yesterday was deck that man calling Lou sweetie. Realizing Lou had never told Sean anything about what had happened had momentarily blinded him, all he could think about in that moment was revenge, letting her feel what he was going through in that same moment. So he did what he had done, and there was no way he could take that back now.

_The longest coldest night oh my life, damn it, it was supposed to be anything but. It was supposed to be a new beginning, instead it turned out to be the end. I should have learned by now, learned to love with ease, love for the moment and not ask for anything, should know the rules by now. But Lou, she's - different, she's not one you love for the moment, she's one you love for life. Only problem - she never even loved me, why the hell can't I learn to live like that? Why couldn't I just learn to take what I get and not ask for it all? Why the hell did I have to fall so deep?_

He was too tired to debate with himself any longer, too tired to think at all. Resting his temple on the cool wall, he gazed out into the tiny square of blueness rushing by, not knowing what to say do or think any longer. If he was to look at her now, he might break all his promises, those promises founded on conviction. He might promise her everything, just to have his heart sliced into raw bleeding meat, his pride trampled all over while his sliced heart kept beating her name. _You never were mine, were you? Not the way I'd wished for you to be, not what you are to me._  
The memories of her forcing him to swallow hard as the pain stabbed at him repeatedly. _If I look at you now I will have to beg you to come back to me, despite all. I'll come pleading and you'll laugh at me, because I'll be begging you to be mine. No questions asked, nothing except please let me be with you again, if only once so I'll have something to cherish. I'd make love with you for one last time Lou, and remember that forever, I'd not ask for anything else. Just one last memory._  
How the hell he had let himself be this fooled all over again, amazed him, he had never seen it coming, never would have guessed. He felt like not understanding or knowing anything any longer. Not knowing anything at all, except that something inside him was aching like he'd never felt ache before.

He felt like groaning in pain.

 

 

 

When the vessel landed at the new Sweetwater platform, Lou felt like screaming and bolting, running out of the ASA and shout out her despair. But she did neither, she just rose and smiled briefly at Kid as he stepped back to let her pass. Then she calmly stepped down and found Jimmy waiting for them with a carriage to take them home. Jimmy was grinning broadly as he approached them.

"So do we have something to celebrate?" He leaned in and grinned at Lou.

Lou looked back at him, baffled beyond words. "What you talking about?" she muttered.

"I thought you and..." pausing as his eyes fell on Kid. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Nothin'," Kid answered irritably as he swung his bag up on the carriage.

"Nothin'?" Jimmy echoed, "you look like you slept in a ditch last night. Oh Lou, don't tell me you kicked him out of your bed?"

"Shut up Jimmy!" Kid wheezed, "just shut up and get going!"

Jimmy threw an inquiring glance first at Lou and then back at Kid.  
"Guess I lost this one." He mumbled as he climbed to the driver's seat. Kid jumped into the back and crossed his arms over his chest. Still refusing to look at any of them. Ike sighed and followed, leaving Lou to take the seat at Jimmy's side.

"Lost what?" Lou asked as she climbed up.

"I put a paycheck down on you and Kid returning engaged or something. What the hell happened?"

Lou let out a bitter laugh. "You should've let me in on that one Jimmy. I'da known where to put my money."

Jimmy let the horses pick up a steady trot, glancing at her every now and then. Lou just sat there in silence, hoping to reach the station as soon as possible.

"Wanna tell what the hell happened, Lou?" Jimmy murmured at last, getting nervous by Lou's hard gaze and tense stance. "Somebody die or what?"

"No Jimmy, reality just bit back, that's all that happened. Nothing else."

 

 

 

The station turned up before their eyes and Lou spotted a grinning Rachel and Noah on the porch. She groaned inwardly at their happy faces. Teaspoon wandered up to them as Jimmy halted the horse and a teasing grin spread over his face. Lou cast him a tired glance and the grin faded.

Kid scrambled down from the board and walked up to the horse. "I'll take care of 'im," he said. "You just go do whatever you were doin'."

"Hey Kid," Teaspoon ventured, "don't worry about 'im, I got 'im." Then he stopped and his jaw fell slightly; "What the hell happened to you?" Looking at the young man in wrinkled clothes and an air of defeat written all over him. "Ya fell off the ASA?"

Kid bowed his head and walked around the carriage, taking their bags and dropping them into a heap. "Nope," he muttered, "had a hard night that's all!"

Teaspoon threw a glance in Lou's direction and grinned broadly. "Ya mean you didn't measure up to the expectations?"

Lou felt like sliding under the ground. She wanted to yell at them both to shut the fuck up. Knowing Teaspoon was teasing the Kid mercilessly, not knowing what he was doing. Rubbing her damned words in. The words she had bellowed in a fit of rage.  
"Teaspoon, please," she said, shaking her head, indicating for him to let up.

Kid finally raised his head and looked right at Teaspoon. "No, I guess not."  
His tone so flat Teaspoon took a step back as the young man gathered all the bags in his hands and walked right past him. Teaspoon followed his pace until Kid reached the steps and disappeared into the house.

"Teaspoon," Lou started, "please..." Then she too was silent, there was no words that could convey all that had happened in one day. One measly damned day that changed everything. It changed who Kid was and who she was. It changed her hopes and dreams, it changed her current reality. Every time she thought about what Kid had done, it felt like a cold hand was squeezing her heart, making her breathing painful, her existence anguished. Why had he done it? She had considered their love so important, so different. When she was with him she felt skinless, naked to the core, his in every way. Safe in their love. He had taken that and thrown in all in the gutter. Him being with that woman hurt her so deeply, deeper than she ever thought possible. The one day that she had expected to be filled with joy and laughter, love and happiness had turned into something of a doomsday. A day that when things begun to spiral downwards, it seemed there was no stopping it. All slid out of her hands and soiled everything that had happened between them, and all that ever would.

"You okay, Lou?" Teaspoon asked.

"Yeah," Lou let out. "I'm just fine."  
Only thing she wanted right now was being left alone. Only way she truly knew would accomplish that was getting on Lightning and riding the hell out of here. Riding over the plain with the wind caressing her face, the speed leaving her sorrows behind.  
"I'll take Lightning for a ride," she said before she started for the house. Running inside to change her clothes. She would live through this, there was nothing else to do. Once again she had completely misjudged a human being, and herself. She know understood that she needed more of Kid than she was willing to admit to herself. She needed all of him. While she ran she had to wipe the tears away from her eyes.

 

 

It was already supper time when she returned, she knew she'd be scolded for neglecting her duties around the station. But right now she didn't care. She took the tack off Lightning and rubbed him down. Not that she had ridden him hard or anything. Mostly she had let him wander around, finding the swimming hole, she had gotten off and let him graze for hours. Herself immersed in memories, crying once again over what had happened. The trunk of the tree soaking her tears up, until she was all cried out and a new resolution had taken form. She'd have to tell Kid she was sorry, that she hadn't ever awaited for Sean to be there, that she hadn't seen it coming. Then she'd tell him it was all over, her and Sean and the two of them too. She's rather be alone than live this misery. But this time she'd tell. She'd wipe the sheet clean and start all over.

Washing her face in the basin, she was startled at finding Buck standing at her side, watching her.

"What happened, Lou?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, I know, I've been ducking my duties, won't happen again, I swear."

"That's not what I mean," Buck stated softly. "What I mean is why Kid is doing all the chores he can find? Twice. I have a feeling it has something to do with you, usually does when he acts like this."

"What'ya mean?"

"Well, the man snaps at everyone, almost picked a fight with Jimmy and threatened to put Cody to sleep. That's not the Kid we know Lou, and this is not the Lou we know either. Not this sad face and disappearing. Go talk with him, please, for every one's sake!"

"Where is he?"

"Feeding the horses."

"All right, Buck, I'll talk to him." She wiped her face on the clean towel, begging for strength to face Kid without shedding tears. Looking into Buck's worried eyes, she smiled. "it'll be just fine, Buck."

"Not until the two of you face the truth it won't," Buck replied.

"I think we just did," Lou answered, feeling her throat tighten. She walked past Buck, swallowing hard to have the cold hand squeezing her heart loosen its grip.

 

 

Buck remain looking at the young woman walking away. He'd probably regret not walking with her, sorting it out for them both. But he felt they were standing at a crossroad, not knowing which way to take. Pride and hurt blocking the right path, desolation at the end of the other. He'd been at that crossroad himself many times. Uptil now he had always taken the easier one, the one where the hurdles were lower, but it always seemed to lead only to yet another crossroad. He wanted to tell them both to take the other road, tell them to swallow the pain and the hurt and step onto that unknown territory of completely trusting and loving another human being. Letting go of the pride and admitting to needing someone else.

"Where's she goin'?"

Jimmy's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"To talk to him."

"Tell Noah to fetch the medical bag," Jimmy smirked. "Ike told me she really gave it to Kid yesterday."

"What are we gonna do with those two, Jimmy?"

"We're gonna let them work it out, Buck, that's all we can do."

"Ain't you a little bit biased in this case?"

Jimmy looked long at his friend, wondering if all of them knew that he had feeling for Louise too. But his was not like the Kid's, nowhere near. "Buck, you're wrong. I love Lou, yes I do. But not like the Kid loves her, not like that at all."

"You sure, Jimmy?"

The face of a young woman flashed before him, and her eyes as she looked at him. The pain of the memory invading him instantly. And then the long chestnut hair of another woman he had lost, another that had left him behind.  
"Yeah, I'm sure Buck." But the pain of the memory made his voice tremble and he had to walk away, the loneliness of his life weighing hard on his shoulders. He still hadn't found what he was looking for and probably never would.

 

 

She spotted him in Lollipop's stall, wheezing irritably at the horse as it stepped up to him. Even Lou jumped as Kid threw down the corn into the through, violently. Pushing Lollipop out of his way as he walked back to the isle, eyes downcast. Almost trampling Lou in his hurry. Lou stepped back to get out of his way.  
"Whoa, Kid!"

He turned to watch her and for a moment Lou read relief in the eyes. Then he looked away. "Where the hell were ya?"

Lou felt warm inside at the display of concern. It lessened her own pain. A small smile tugged at her lips. "On a ride Kid, just lost track of time."

Kid let the scoop fall into the bucket of corn. Still avoiding to look at her, he bowed to take the feed car and walk over to the next stall.

"You needn't have worried," Lou explained, following behind him.

Kid let go of the feed car and turned to watch her. He just stood there and watched her for the longest time. Lou met his gaze, waiting for him to start the discussion. To at least say something.

Finally he lowered his eyes to the floor. "You don't understand, do you?"

Lou was thrown off by his question. "Understand what?"

"Nothing," Kid mumbled and pushed the feed car to the next stall, mixing the feed into a bucket and walking into the stall.

"Stop it Kid!" Lou exploded. "Goddammit, talk to me, man! Understand what? Why are you acting this way?" Her anger was rising again, both at his antics and his enigmatic style of speech. "Don't tell me I don't understand! I understand pretty well you're feeling bad for screwing Samantha, and hell - you should!" The moment the words left her mouth, she wished she could take them back. She sounded like a jealous wife.

Kid stopped in mid-stride and turned to watch her. "What?"

Lou looked to the floor, hoping to conceal her flushing cheeks. Mentally cursing herself.

"You think I...?" Kid let out a bitter laugh. "So that's why you've been acting strange. And here I thought it was because...well never mind, no Louise...sweetheart, I didn't sleep with Samantha." The sarcasm was literally dripping off the last sentence.

But Lou felt a relief run over her at his words, she hadn't even realized how much she had cared. It would have only been sex anyhow. Just sex, nothing else. All the same, knowing he hadn't touched that woman the way he used to touch her made her breathe easier.  
"Kid, I didn't mean it like that. Well, I meant it but - I mean, I was worried too last night, you never came to the hotel. You never said anything, you just left with her!"

"I was mad," Kid mumbled. "I'm sorry Lou, but I can't keep on this way. I guess I never told you, but I just can't."

"Kid, what is it you can't?"

Finally he turned to watch her again. This time the expression in his eyes so desolate it tore at Lou's heart. Inkling the head to the side, he looked at her. "Lou, I can't get into a relationship like this. I know it's old-fashioned and all, I know people do this all the time. But I can't. I have my reasons. You can call me what you like but I need for the one I love to be mine and mine alone. Call me possessive, I'm just not big on sharing in that department. No please Lou, let me finish."  
Taking her hand, he looked down on it, his thumb caressing the knuckles on her hand. "I just can't Louise, you not telling Sean tells me enough. I guess I never meant much to you. I just didn't understand this game we were playing. Got it all wrong. I know I should have told you earlier that a relationship like this is unacceptable to me, but I thought you knew me."

In that instance she wanted to tell him she loved him and needed him, but the old fears came back to haunt her. Telling someone you loved them meant exposing yourself. Hell, loving made you vulnerable. Hadn't he just proved that to her? And she just wasn't able to tell him how much she needed him.  
"Kid, I know you and I'm sorry. I just...I didn't tell because I won't ever.... It's not because of you, it's because of me and I always have to have a escape route free. Guess Sean was it. But it's over now. I'll tell him as soon as I get a hold on him. I'll tell him we're as over as you and I are."

The hand let go off hers.

"I'm sorry Kid," she mumbled, not daring to lift her eyes to look at him. He was right, she had known all along that Kid wasn't the kind of man to share or screw around. He was a one woman man, and that was why she loved him. And now it was why she lost him. She wanted to tell him she felt the same, but she was too scared to let him know how much she loved him. It might be used against her further down the road, it had before.  
"I -I -I can't either. I just can't...." The words just wouldn't come out. The words 'I can't trust anybody like that' just wouldn't leave her mouth. Pausing she desperately searched for something else to say, something that would sound casual and not expose her. "I guess this is it then, Kid."

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I just...."

He seemed to have difficulties expressing himself too. His arms had sunken to his sides, his fingers fiddling with the edge of the bucket.

Lou couldn't help but throw her arms around him for one last time. "Still friends, Kid? Please, can't we be friends at least?"

Kid's arms hugged her to his chest, holding her firmly. She felt a slight tremor in him.

"Always friends," he mumbled in a raspy voice.

"Love ya Kid," she mumbled into his chest, hoping he wouldn't hear. She took in his scent one last time, burying her nose into his coat as she quietly declared her love for him. Her arms hugging him close as she wiped the runaway tears from her cheek off on his coat. With a sigh she steadied her voice. "I'm so sorry, Kid!"

She closed her eyes and took him in, wishing to forever remember the arms around her like this.

"Me too Lou," he said and kissed the top of her head.

She had to free herself from his hold and run out of the stables, the tears behind her eyelids threatening to overflow, and she would not let him see her crying.

 

 

In that moment, the moment she ran out of the barn, leaving him with a desolation so shattering it hurt to breathe, he relived the excruciating emotional pain once again. The pain that painted everything pitch black, the pain that made him wonder why he had ever been born. And what he had ever done to deserve the sensation of near dissolving. Into ashes and void. All because of something he had done. The moment he felt like the air had stopped to reach his lungs, even though he knew he still was breathing. But right now he wasn't sure he wanted to. His body was so tense his muscles started protesting and he welcomed the ache in them, welcomed it and hoped it would take away the screaming void he felt filling him. The moment she looked into his eyes, he knew it was over. She wasn't ready, and he had hurt her by thinking she was, acting like she was his. He had lost her because he wanted all of her, the story of his life.

He couldn't move for the longest time, he knew he needed to feed the horses. He knew he needed to finish his chores and go back inside, feigning calm and understanding. So why did he feel like he wanted to do something outrageous, something devastating. Anything. Anything to stop the dread filling him, the total void that was taking over him. The sensation that whatever he did, it wouldn't matter, whatever anybody did - it would make no change to what was. _Confinement,_ he thought, _I'll live the rest of my days in solitary confinement._ The sensation of empty days ahead of him, days without Louise. Days of an empty gray life, a life endured, not lived. A lonely voyage, an endless files of meaningless days ahead.

"Oh God," he panted, realizing he had been holding his breath for a long time while the dread filled him. Then he opened his eyes and took in the surroundings, the smell and the sounds of the horses, impatient for their evening meal.

Finally mastering the task of moving, he filled the last nets with hay and scooped up the oats and corns for the animals waiting for their feed.

But all he saw in front of him was Lou's eyes as they looked into his. The disappointment they mirrored, the deep disbelief over what he had done. Those eyes would never look into his with joy anymore, the eyes he'd never make haze as he touched her. Or twinkle as he teased her. Fume as she got mad at him. Greet him sleepily in the mornings. Nothing of the things he so wanted. Only disappointment. He had failed her too, not understanding the rules of their relationship. Not being able to accept them, he let her down, without even knowing, until it was too late.

The realization sent a cold chill down his spine, her words being scrutinized and weighed, assembled and pulled apart and reassembled into the grim truth over and over again in his mind. Was there something he could have said to change everything, something he could have done? He'd be her friend, always. Whenever she needed him, if he was able to, he'd be there. But not like that, loving was too precious to hand around like it was candy from the store. To love her was to give away pieces of your soul each and every time, until he'd have nothing left at all. He couldn't take that, he just couldn't make love to her knowing she didn't feel what he felt. It was wrong, to him it was sacrilege. And he hated himself for it. But it was part of who he was. Part of an old promise. And still, he'd miss her forever, he'd miss her love more than anything in this world. Losing her was worse than physical death, of that he was sure.

Reaching the last stall he automatically performed the maneuvers to feed the hungry horse. But all the joy was gone, together with his hopes for a future. He wasn't even able to think about tomorrow, all he was able to phantom was the next breath he'd eventually have to take.

All he felt was a laming chill.


	35. Chapter 35

Buck smiled sadly when Lou turned the corner and came sauntering across the yard, seeking their companionship. Knowing exactly where to find them. The air was chilly, it was early November and the evenings were getting shorter and the nights longer. Winter was fast coming their way. But Buck often found himself sitting here, on the far end of the house, under the naked branches of the birch-tree. It's now barren twigs occasionally scraping against the wall as the wind blew. The low sun making faint shadows dance in rhythm over the porch. It was a peaceful place, apart from the main entrance, shielded from sight. A place to rest and contemplate.

He elbowed Jimmy to get his attention. Jimmy looked up, spotted Lou and locked his gaze on the girl. A mixture of concern and anger crept up on his face.

"She's such a sorry sight right now," Jimmy grunted, "I should really wipe the floor with the dude."

"I thought she was the one breaking it up?" Buck remarked. "But of course you take any chance you get, right?" He looked at Jimmy, wondering how close the two had gotten these past weeks, if there was something else going on? They had repeatedly sought each other's company. And avoided the rest of them.

"It's so hard on her," Jimmy muttered.

"It's hard on them both," Buck corrected. "It's just been three weeks, they'll get over it, eventually."

"Yeah right," Jimmy mumbled and shook his head.

"Everything all right, Lou?" Buck asked when she was in hearing range.

"Why does everybody keep asking me that?" Lou replied irritably. "Ff course everything is all right! Why wouldn't it be?"

"Just the face you..."

"What's wrong with my face?" Lou snapped.

"I think I'll be going," Buck excused himself as he rose to his feet. "I think I still have some work undone."

"Buck," Lou started, shamefully offering her apology. "I didn't mean..."

"It's all right Lou, really," Buck said and threw Jimmy a quick glance. "I'll have Ike check that thing out."

"What thing?" Lou asked when Buck walked inside the house. "Anything new?"

"Nope," Jimmy said, tapping the porch to have Lou sit down. "We always come too late."

"I lose count, how many are we up to?"

"Fifteen families, 45 people in all." Jimmy grimaced, "you'd think they'd have enough for a while, wouldn't you?"

"How much do you think they get for a complete set of genes?"

"I have no idea," Jimmy admitted. "But it seems it's their only fund right now and this whole operation must be costly."

"Maybe Amanda knows?" Lou asked, peering at him.

"Might know."

"But you won't ask?"

"Nope."

"You're such a stubborn fool."

"I am a stubborn fool? Oh excuse me, missis know-it-all."

"All it takes is a call, but somebody has to take the first step. Somebody has to cave."

"Who are you talking about? Really?"

"Shut up, Jimmy."

"As you wish," Jimmy leered at her, draping her with his free arm and pulling her close to him.

Lou sighed and leaned into his side, grateful for the warmth and comfort. Snuggling into his coat, she reveled in being close to another human being once again, Jimmy had been there for her all these dreadful weeks. They hadn't said much, but it was like they shared a broken heart.

"It won't go away you know," Jimmy mumbled, "it won't go away unless you want it to."

"What are you talking about?" She raised her head and looked into his eyes. The ones smiling down at her, a small knowing smile.

"You'll remain miserable if you don't let go, Lou."

"Look who's talking!"

Jimmy framed her face with his warm hands, looking at her. "Oh, I've let go, when will you, Lou?"  
Then he kissed her, fast and unexpectedly.

Lou answered the kiss, grateful for some tenderness, she answered it in kind. Jimmy was warm and tender, taking her sorrows away. He always did and she loved him for it. She embraced him, hugging him close. Then tears started rolling down her cheeks and Jimmy broke the kiss.

"I'm sorry Lou." He whispered hoarsely.

"It's not you Jimmy, it's me," Lou hiccupped, "I hate myself for crying, it wasn't you Jimmy!"

"Not ready to let go just yet?"

Lou buried her face in Jimmy's coat, drying her tears on it. Snuggling closer to him.

"I can wait," Jimmy promised

 

 

 

 

Buck pushed the door open and nodded to the two inside. Ike looked somewhat conscious but Cody just groaned.  
"I'm relieving you Cody, cheer up, Emma has some surprise for you in the kitchen."

"Probably there waiting for me with the dishes," Cody grinned. "Ain't trusting her surprises any longer."

"She got you good last time, didn't she?" Buck chuckled, remembering Cody's exuberance cut short at the pile of memoslots in the soup-bowl, all waiting to be filed.

Ike made a sign that Buck interpreted as 'food will get Cody anywhere'.

Cody turned his head in the direction and mumbled. "I saw that!"

"Well, it's true now, ain't it?" Buck mused and tapped the desk in front of the blond logger that seldom logged anything. "Now scoot!"

With a groan Cody rose and stretched his legs theatrically.

"Rheumatism acting up?" Ike asked.

"The boredom is weighing me down," Cody shot back. "He's not a barrel of laughs," he clarified in Buck's direction. "He's been moping ever since I beat him 3 to zip in Tetris."

"He cheated," Ike grinned, "he had the game pre-programmed."

"Sore loser," Cody chuckled, "he owes his first born to at least three people by now."

"Emily's gonna love to have to squeeze out triplets," Buck shook his head in his friend's direction.

"Before this is over she's gonna have to come down with sislets, or whatever it's called." Cody laughed and proceeded to the door, his shoulders shaking with laughter.

Ike threw a memoslot after him.

Cody ducked as it hit the door and slid out, laughing his head off.

Buck cleaned the table of Cody's slots and coupled his EA in. "Everything all right?"

"Nothing new on the western frontier," Ike declared with a slight smirk.

"You're starting to sound like a book." Buck sighed and leaned back into the chair, his feet finding a comfortable position on the desk. "How long will we be at this? Nothing's happening here."

"You're worse than Cody with your babblin'," Ike retorted.

Buck sighed again and closed his eyes, listening intently for sounds of intruders in the territory's airspace.

 

 

 

"Noah, you think we'll ever know for sure?" Rachel asked. "Will we ever get to the roots of this mess?" She was packing medicines into boxes, readying the final move of the clinic to the new location in Sweetwater.

"I'm not so sure I wanna now," Noah admitted morosely. "Knowing I existed before boggles my mind. I don't wanna think about it."

"You sound like the Kid," Rachel peered at him over the edge of the box she was holding in her lap. "Deep in denial."

"Please!"

"I swear, you don't wanna see that something's going on around here and he's blind to most things right at this instance."

"I'm not denying strange things have happened, Rach, I'm just not so sure of the reasons."

Rachel looked up at him, surprised. "You call 45 people dying of bullet holes in their skulls natural?"

"Knowing human race I put nothing past it," Noah mumbled. "I can think of a million reasons that might turn man on man. Money, beliefs, greed, rumors, ill-will, you name it."

"Oh brother," Rachel moaned, "what am I gonna do with you?"

"You really wanna know?" Noah smiled.

Rachel opened her mouth but was silenced by the door that flung open with force.

"Intruders!" Buck announced, short of breath from his run up the stairs. "We got distress calls from lot A13 and D33."

"What?" Rachel stood up, throwing the box to the floor. "How's that possible? They're at different ends of the territory!"

"You two get to the control room, me and Ike are getting the first ASA outta here. The second one is coming right away, call for Kid, Lou and Jimmy. Teaspoon and Cody will stay back for a while and wait for Sam and Emma, you're on medical alert."

Rachel scrambled after Buck, tugging at his arm. "How many vessels?"

"No indications of any vessels Rach, just the calls for help."

"So you don't know what you're getting yourself into?" She asked, holding on to Buck's arm, not wanting to let go.

"This is what we signed up for," Buck remarked quietly.

"I know," Rachel said and finally let go.

"God help them," she whispered when Noah reached her side.

 

 

 

"Com'on already!" Jimmy hollered into the barn.

Kid appeared out of the tack room, fighting to get his coat on while he walked. "I heard," he replied curtly. "You and me?"

"And Lou," Jimmy nodded to the woman that peeked inside the barn.

Kid threw a glance at the door ajar. "You nuts? We can't take Lou!"

"It's not my freakin' decision, now is it?" Jimmy grunted.

"Why thank you Kid," Lou snorted from the door. "You'll just have to survive the sight of me for a couple of hours."

"You don't understand," Kid said, his eyes on Jimmy. Disbelief and desperation evident in his expression. "Jimmy? She can't come!"

"I know, don't you think I know!" Jimmy shouted, "I told Teaspoon!"

"You told Teaspoon?" Lou hollered."You too Jimmy? Well thank you so much for the vote of confidence, I'm flattered."

"Now Lou," Jimmy started, "it's not you, it's..."

"I'll be in the ASA," Lou informed them before slamming the door shut in Jimmy's face.

"Nice going Jimmy," Kid scowled.

"Me?" What the hell did I do?" Jimmy wheezed and grabbed Kid's collar, dragging him out. He didn't get far before Kid's fist contacted hard with his shoulder, sending him staggering onwards. He would have loved to give Kid one in retaliation, but now was not the time.

"I'll kill you if something happens to her Jimmy, I really will," Kid warned him in a low voice.

"You and your promises," Jimmy snapped. "Not worth much are they? Not when push comes to shove." He knew he was rubbing it in, hoping Kid would give him a reason to deck him and leave him behind. But Lou hollered for them from the ASA's entrance, hurrying them along.

They threw each other a desperate glance before they followed the woman inside.

 

 

 

Amanda held her breath, watching the lines forming on the noppo. Knowing the codes for the territory perfectly, she instinctively reacted as the numbers flashed on the screen. Flinching when the communication between HuRec and Team 41 appeared transcribed on the bottom of the screen. She couldn't make out what to think of this, HuRec seemed unaware of the vessels in the area. But there they were, plain as a day. Two ASA's at the outer limits of the territory's borders, one further inside, still, probably on the ground.

There was a frenetic hassle in the HuRec headquarters, orders being given to the left and right. ASA's on standby, lifting off asking for directions. The operational unit seemed to be totally lost.

Amanda's felt her mouth go dry, her muscles tense and ready to react. It didn't seem anybody else but she was seeing the tracks of the vessels. They were acting blindly at the headquarters, but was it intentional?

"5 harbored," appeared on the screen.

"Five what?" Amanda screamed.

"Proceeding to next location, 4 inhabitants."

"Genetic codes! You bastards, this is it!" She looked around for more EA's, coupling them together, calling for Ike at the Sweetwater station. Getting him online in no time.

"I need your help! I need to trace a coded signal."

"Amanda?"

"Please, Ike."

"Can you get to the algorithms?"

"Yes!"

"Turn all positives to negatives and vice versa. Now subtract one from all the former negative values." Amanda rolled her eyes at the operations, she had never been good at calculus.

"Done."

Then take the third digit and divide it with the fifth, divide it with forty-five and you have the original x-value. Run the algorithm and you should be given a code for the location. Then give it to me and I'll check it out."

"Okay, hang on, I have two! There's a duplicate setting. First one is 0.45363456789876754565."

"Please repeat."

"Ike!" Amanda groaned but did as she was told, carefully repeating the digits 0.45363456789876754565.

"You sure?"

"I don't know!" She hollered, " how the hell should I know?"

"That's the bunker in HuRec headquarters!"

Amanda turned and ran.

 

 

 

"Where are we headed?" Kid asked as he flung himself down at Lou's side in the cockpit. Jimmy took the piloting seat and ordered the take off.

"Northern sector, distress calls received from D33."

The ASA rose and took off, squeaking slightly at the pace Jimmy was demanding.

"How far ahead?"

"Half an hour or so, maybe less. If Jimmy don't make this thing explode before that," Lou warned, glaring at the pilot taking everything out of the vessel. The march now approaching 250 mph.

"I'm just using the only thing this model has to it's advantage Lou, the speed." Jimmy said, totally concentrated on the coordinates on the panel. "This damned thing isn't even armed, " Jimmy groaned, "this is a surveillance ASA!"

"And we'll survey," Kid stated. "Don't go getting any wild ideas now Jimmy!"

They sank into silence, their eyes glued to the panel, waiting for indications on the radar. Minutes crept by and mile after mile was covered, but there was absolutely nothing on the radar. Except the blinking speck that represented the fast movements of Ike's and Buck's ASA, going in the opposite direction.

"What's that?" Lou interrupted them, pointing to the windshield. "Look! 45 degrees west at the horizon."

Both men turned and squinted their eyes. The gray clouds up ahead dimmed their view. But one of the clouds was moving a little too fast.

"HuRec?" Kid asked, "why the hell can't we see it on the radar?"

"Call'em!" Jimmy leaned in over the instrument board. "Call'em and ask 'em who they are."

"Yeah, " Kid muttered, "and while you're at it flip this thing so they can get us with one shot at the engines while you're at it."

"Not HuRec Jimmy, I now have their ASAs are all on the screen, this one isn't," Lou declared calmly. "This one is going in for a landing. And we're gonna follow." She glared at the men by her side, waiting for objections.

Kid shook his head but said nothing. Jimmy's smiled and patted his gun.

Lou typed the coordinates for the closest farm's landing platform in. Hoping to get there and warn the settlers. But they didn't seem to have their EA's on, she got no answers however much she was alerting them.

 

 

 

"She left!" Ike said incredulously, "she plain took off and left!"

"You sure about the location?"

"Yeah," Ike nodded, "I'm positive."

"She's going there, ain't she?"

"Suppose so."

"All alone?"

"Right into the wolves' den." Ike shook his head in disbelief. "Why did we let her go off alone on this hunt?"

"Call that woman at the HuRec, tell her we have them pegged, tell them we know it all and we're gonna go public with what we know."

"Threaten them you mean?"

"Tell them the goddamned truth, Ike!"

Ike nodded and sent a red alert to the woman leading the organization. "You warn the rest," he told Buck.

 

 

"Stay back Lou, please!" Kid grabbed her coat as she ran down the landing platform, managing to momentarily hold her back. "Stay by the vessel, we need someone here."

"Stay here yourself," Lou grunted, shaking herself loose. "I gotta see if there's someone in there."  
She started running for the house. The wind was picking up, throwing hard cascades of icy rain over them. The house looked abandoned.

She called the inhabitants on the EA's, but nobody answered. Reaching the door, she pulled hard at it, but it didn't give.  
Jimmy was at her side, shoving her to the side and drawing his gun. Lou jumped when the shot rang out and the lock on the door turned into a cascade of metallic splinters.

Jimmy kicked the door open. "Anybody in here?"

"It's okay, I'm Louse McCloud from the Sweetwater headquarters, we can take you into safety!" She screamed into the house, realizing she probably sounded like a mad woman. "It's safe, I promise."

Jimmy opened the the first door to the left, another empty room. "Where the hell are they?"

"It's too late," Kid spoke from the door. "They already took off but we've got company."

"Company?" Jimmy turned to him, his fist tensing around the gun.

"We gotta get out of here," Kid yelled, grabbing for Lou, jerking her to the door. "Now Jimmy!"

The first hail of bullets reached them when they crossed the sandy yard. Projectiles rained over them while the wind roared. Lou stumbled and fell to her knees, Kid stopping to help her. Jimmy shielding them both.

She was scared, so scared she could hardly move. Instinctively she grabbed for something to hold on to, something or someone she could rely on. Reaching Kid's pocket, it gave away as she pulled herself to her feet. For a moment she was left staring at the torn pocket, wanting to tell him she was sorry. But Jimmy backed into her, sending her stumbling forward. Then she caught a glimpse of Kid's face when he lifted his gun and shot before his left arm came out and he shoved her to stand behind him. The grimness terrified her for a moment. She looked in the direction and spotted three men running toward them. Another pack of shadows behind them. The man in front was Longley. He was still far away but she recognized him at once. Her anger drew the fear away.

"Wild West my foot," Jimmy yelled while reloading. "I'll get you yet Longley, I'll get you! You don't know who you're up against!"

Lou woke from her torpor, turning to Jimmy, she grabbed the backside of his coat and pulled hard. "C'mon Jimmy!" She hollered into his ear. "We gotta get out of here!"

They reached the entrance and scrambled inside, both Jimmy and Lou hitting the sealing button at once. The door seemed to take forever to close.

"Jimmy, take off!" Kid wheezed while manually helping the panel to shut faster.

"Manual Jimmy, switch to manual!" Lou hollered while fighting her way through to the cockpit. The wind was hard now, the vessel pending as it started hovering.

"We should'a stayed and fought," Jimmy bellowed.

"Shut up Jimmy and get a move on," Kid snapped, out of breath.

She never got to the cockpit, the ASA was standing on its side in a 45 degree angle, fighting to get off ground. She slid down into the passenger unit, helplessly grabbing for something to stop her descent. The ASA shook as Jimmy pushed the throttle. When it finally did take off, it sighed like in protest and slowly steadied itself. Lou smiled and looked over at Kid, her breath labored; "we made it!"

But Kid was looking out the screen, a dark shadow getting closer. Lou turned her eyes to the direction. Blinking twice before she froze to her place, staring disbelievingly. There was another ASA right above them and it was a combat vehicle.

 

 

 

She let the AMD run as fast as possible along the corridors, pushing people out of her way, yelling warnings as she speeded through the winding hallways. Right now she was glad this technology existed, it was her only chance to get there in time. She'd finally have her answers. The decent in the end of the hall had her gasp for air. The last turn in the underground culverts stirred up dust and had her cough. But the blue-painted door finally emerged before her eyes.

Surprised she watched a young woman hammering desperately on the door. She didn't recognize her at first, then it dawned on her who the dark-haired, frantic woman was.

"Step aside," she shouted, "away from the door Amanda!" Stiffly she dismounted the AMD and walked up to the bunker.

"He's in there." Amanda panted, tugging at the door, "he's getting rid of the evidence!"

The woman looked at her, Amanda's face expressing absolute terror.

"Catharsis," she told the door. Wanting to close her eyes and not really see what she knew she would see inside. For a brief moment, she hoped and prayed she would be wrong. She knew full well she wasn't but she still hoped. The door slid open with merciless speed.

On the huge wall-screen opposite the door images of an ASA being attached by an unmarked combat vehicle told the full grim tale she had feared. The man in a chair slowly turned around and she was faced with the man she had sheared her life with. He seemed baffled. The man she obviously didn't know at all. A man she had told secrets and trusted. A man that had fooled her completely. She hated him.

"I knew it," Amanda cried, "I knew it was him!"

"Abort the mission!" She ordered him, "abort it now!"

"It's not me!"

"Not on the ground but those are your men in the air! Abort!"

He just looked at her, shaking his head. "Please, let me explain..."

But there was no time for explanations, the Sweetwater ASA had taken a hit and was sinking rapidly, the combat vehicle following, canons locking onto the target.

"Annaina," she said, hoping the code was the right one, the name of the daughter they had lost before she was even born.

The screen filled with a sharp greenish light.

 

 

 

When they took the first near-hit Lou bit down on her lips, struggling to get to Jimmy and help him with the maneuvers. He was strapped to the seat, he'd be the first one to die if they were hit. Her nails broke while she fought to get to him. The ASA reared again and she slid back down, cursing vehemently. The fall forced all the air out of her lungs and she panted for more. Then the combat vessel was straight in front of them, so close she saw the windshield's dark surface contrast against the metallic gray camouflage.

She grabbed the seat in front of her, pulling herself up.

Then everything turned upside down. The ceiling came rushing towards her and the pandemonium of loose boxes, sharp metals and tools sailed weightlessly around before her eyes. A large bulk of silvery metal shot a perfect curve in the air, the marking Oxygen, catching her attention. The lights flickered and went out. Then she gasped for air as she found herself falling freely.


	36. Chapter 36

Amanda watched the now empty screen. It had happened so fast, there was a flicker of intense green in the room and then there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. And her friends were in that ASA, Jimmy was in that vehicle.

She found herself clinging to the wall, her hands clammy. She was getting a headache too. The old woman was talking rapidly, giving orders. The man remain in the chair, seemingly just as shocked as she was. The room suddenly got cold and Amanda started to shiver. Her legs caved in and she sank onto the floor, holding on for dear life to the door frame.

Her hearing returned and she listened to the woman's harsh orders, trying to understand what had happened.

"I want a specialist crew out there, now! I've alerted Mr. Hunter, he knows the coordinates, you get yourself to Sweetwater!"

 _Sweetwater,_ Amanda thought, _that little idyllic place out on the prairie._

"There are three persons in the ASA, I have it confirmed. And the rescue team is on its way. Mr. Hunter is heading out there, they're the closest. You're on standby, understood?."

Three persons, her friends. Lou, Kid and Jimmy. Oh God, Jimmy."

"No, I can't get in touch with the vehicle. I see them on the radar, have no idea about the condition. No visual or audio information from the wreck, yes that is unfortunately confirmed. Don't you move you ass or I'll dig your eyeballs out and feed them to the crows."

The last sentence had Amanda flinch. The old woman was pointing her index finger to the man, a clear sign for him to stay put. Her voice was firm and shivering of anger. Amanda was glad it wasn't directed at her. Under that old and weakened frame, she sensed a core of steel.

"Red alert is confirmed," she spoke, never taking her eyes off the man. He seemed to shrivel up under her stare. "E.T.A for Sweetwater is five hours, rescue should be there in less than three. Confirmed. All channels free, contact Team 41 directly for information but keep the communications to a minimum. Yes. Hunter has the last say in this case. Follow his orders. Confirmed."

The woman turned to her, "Amanda, I need your help."

She nodded from her odd place, clinging to the door frame like it was a life west.

"I need you to stay in touch with Ike McSwain and Buck Cross. Take them home, they're too far from the crash site and I need their expertise to take the rest home in this kind of weather."

"Roger," Amanda finally got out and let go off the frame. "I'll get them home."

"Good," the woman said, "and we'll get those friends of yours home too."

 

 

 

"What's going on?" Buck muttered, the ASA moving unsteadily, the wind holding them back. "Why is everybody silent? Ike?"

"I don't know Buck, something happened to the others, they're just sitting there on the same spot. And I can't get through to them."

"Teaspoon?"

"Nothing!"

Buck turned back to the instrument panel, checking the coordinates once again. And there it was, a light spot on the radar, a spot that should be moving but wasn't. Something was terribly wrong.

"Amanda?" Ike sounded surprised. Buck's head snapped up and he looked intriguingly at Ike. Ike switched the EA on to public mode. They saw Amanda, a very dirty and frantic Amanda, standing by the woman in charge of HuRec strategic force. The old woman was moving towards a man in a chair. They watched their own worried faces stare back at them from a huge full wall screen.

"Where are you at?"

"In the middle of nowhere," Buck groaned, "and we're not getting anywhere either thanks to this damned wind. Where are you at?"

"They went down," Amanda said, "and we can't get in touch with 'em!"

"Who?" Ike asked, bit he already knew the answer. That speck that didn't move on the radar was a wreck and he knew the people inside. Amanda raised her head and looked straight at them, no words were necessary. To say the names out loud seemed like a provocation. Like they would stir some demons up and diminish the small chance that somebody was still alive in that ASA.

"I'll get us there," Buck announced, "we'll get there."

The old woman turned to him, shaking her head. "Mr. Hunter is going there, he's closer. He's bringing the doctor too. You go home and wait for them there. They'll need help."

"But..."

The eyes of the woman silenced him, there was such magnitude in the gaze that he didn't even contemplate disobeying. But then it hit him, she was probably behind everything! "No," he stated firmly, "we're going for them. Amanda?"

"It's not what it looks like," Amanda shook her head. "She tried to stop him, only we were a little bit too late. And they were far too close. There was nothing else to do."

"Huh?" Ike cast a glance over at Buck.

"Push in them coordinates for Sweetwater Base Ike," Amanda pleaded, "for me, please."

Ike shook his head but did as asked.

"Amanda?" Buck eyed her skeptically, "wanna fill us in?"

"Just hang on," the gray haired woman answered in Amanda's place. "We're just about to find out ourselves. Aren't we?" She turned to the man sitting slumped in the chair. He was hanging his head, arms on the rests unmoving, his body looked frail. But the woman was adamant, poking him hard she wheezed a threat at him, promising him hell if he didn't speak up. Finally the man raised his head and looked at her. Not quite mastering to meet with her eyes, he looked slightly to the side. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Sorry?" The woman exploded, "you're sorry?"

The man's head sank again, but this time the woman took one step and gripped his collar, jerking his head back up. "Who is in on this? Answer me!"

"DeJohn, Mercker, Howlett and Parkingson, they all know."

"Anderson?"

"She was about to find out."

"So you killed her?"

"Longley did."

"And how's he involved?"

"He's the head of operations."

"When did this all start?"

"At the beginning, I saw too it that I controlled most variables. It was easy, money still gets most things organized. It was a covert operation to begin with, the whole cloning, you know that. The rest was not that hard."

"I asked you if you knew anything about all those deaths back then, I asked you and you denied everything!"

"I know."

"You bastard! You killed the McCloud family, didn't you? And the Hickok's! I asked you back them how it was possible, I told you it seemed strange that all those people died on us. How many more?"

"Many."

"Excuse me," Amanda interrupted. "What is he talking about?"

The woman let go off the man and sank to sit on the ADM. She sighed and hid her face in her palms. She moaned, like in physical pain. Amanda watched her perplexed, fearing for a moment something was wrong with the old lady. Then she looked up and met with Amanda's eyes. "how much do you know?"

"I know we're clones," Amanda said curtly.

"And that you had something to do with our lives turning out the way they have," Buck stated. "I think it's called manipulation." He cocked his eyebrow sarcastically. His face showing pure contempt, an expression that was seldom seen on the gentle man's face.

The woman's eyes flew to the screen.   
"Yes," she admitted, "you are clones and that is per say a criminal action. But we had to, the human race was dying out and the only chance we had to restore it was fresh genomes. Namely yours, genes that hadn't ever been through the madness of the twentieth and twenty-first century. It was pure chance that you were the ones, it was all thanks to the diary of Louise McCloud. It contained all the means to have your genomes restored. Once we had yours it was easy to spin on and find more. I'm sorry. But there was never any intent on manipulation. Not according to the HuRec. I can only talk for myself, I never knew there was an ulterior agenda."

"How did you manage it?" Ike asked.

"Yes, I'd like to know that too," Buck intervened. "It must have been a huge operation. And why didn't our folks tell us?"

"Because they didn't know." the woman said. "They weren't supposed to know. In those days it was very hard to naturally conceive a child, almost all needed In-vitro fertilization. And that was what happened, it's not hard when 98% of all births are due to medical intervention anyhow. They decided it would be kept secret, the in-vitro cloning was done by a handful of physicians. It was meant to be a trial only. Succeeded far too well."

"I'd say," Amanda sneered, "and then? Why all these other interventions?"

"You better ask him," the woman nodded to the man in the chair. "And you better start talking."

"I need a lawyer," the man protested silently, "I'm not..."

"Listen, you moron," the woman wheezed. "You're not on trial yet. Leave all that lawyer stuff out of this and come clean for once in your life. You can worry about the legal stuff later, we have the right to know. They have the right to know. And I'll personally see you through hell and back if you don't tell me everything, every little dirty detail. Gimme that and I might be a little more lenient towards you. Because if you don't, I'll see to it that your last living day will be worse than the hell you're going to."

The man moved uneasily, muscles tensing, his old hands now gripping the armrests hard, like if he was about to rise and try to escape the whole situation. Amanda stepped closer to him and blocked his escape route. With a glance at her, the man sank further back into the chair. His countenance shifting as he obviously gave in.

"I couldn't resist the chance. It was the chance of a life time. I had to try."

"What do you mean?" Ike asked, "try what?"

"I had the chance to determine the age old debate on nature versus nurture. It has been discussed since Rousseau and I finally saw the chance to test it scientifically. I had all the means. I knew the subject history, I had the knowledge. Then Longley showed up and provided the means. I just paid him to do what needed to be done. I had the Hickok and McCloud parents killed to see what effect growing up without biological parents had on those specific individuals. Just like back then. I had the Bogg's male suffer an injury to his pre-frontal lobe, changing his personality completely. Making him a sociopath, just like the clonad's father. Others were introduced to drugs and made sure they were dependent, easy to order around when you need something more than life. Some even walked out of their children for that reason. Others had to die. It was fairly easy, everybody was trusting HuRec back then, it wasn't like now. It was easy to finance it all by selling clones to non approved parents, they were willing to pay almost anything to have a son or a daughter to carry on their names. All we had to do was produce genomes and the 1800 clones were very popular. They all turned out fairly healthy, they had never been subjected to the chemical era. They all had the ability to breed on their own. Longley saw to it a black market was formed. We just checked that there were no identical clones at the same time. It wasn't that hard because nobody asked too many questions. People were just relieved that we did something. Now everything has become different. The immediate danger is over and people are starting to ask questions again. We had to harvest fresh clones from living clonads, the bank was empty of unused ones. We had to take greater risks, but it was all the same for me. I had seen to it you were all elected to form group 41, and the rest is history. In a couple of months, I would have concluded the investigation and you would have been free. And my name would have been up there with the famous. My existence would have mattered. Didn't turn out that way now, did it?"

"And the Tri-S, that had to be you," the woman sneered.

"Yes," the man admitted, "that was my doing. They came too close. They were finding documents that revealed too much. You came too close. Never thought I'd infect the wrong woman."

There was a complete silence after the man finished his tale. They had the final proof on what they had suspected. There it was. Laid out in the open. But it still seemed to impossible to comprehend. It was too big to grasp, their life's had been in the hands of a madman and a criminal. They had been monitored and watched, every step of the way. Their parents had been killed on order and their future had been decided without their knowing.

Suddenly Amanda felt she couldn't stay in the room with these people any longer. She couldn't stand to watch them. She hated them and what they had done. She hated their power and supremacy, their science and callousness. But even now, she depended on them.

"I wanna go to Sweetwater," she said, "I wanna go home."

The gray haired woman nodded. "I understand. I'll get you the fastest ASA around, as soon as I can get one, it's a bit confusing right now. But you'll be there in a day or two. You go home, you've done more than enough and I thank you."

"What will happen to him?" Amanda asked, motioning to the man in the chair.

"Justice will take it's course," the woman said, "and I guess we'll all have to pay for what we did. And it's only fair really, I've been waiting for this to happen a long time. You better take the AMD, the ASA will be waiting on platform C35. Bon voyage!"

On the screen there was commotion; "I have Teaspoon on the line," Buck said, "see you in Sweetwater Amanda, just don't get lost!"

Men appeared in the corridor and the woman rose from the vehicle, motioning for them to come along. Amanda recognized the uniforms as special agents of the HuRec civil protection, her colleagues. But right now she didn't even care, all she wanted was to get back to Sweetwater, back 'home'.

She gave the orders to the vehicle, anxious to get out of here, anxious to go home. Not before she was halfway to the platform she realized she didn't even know the situation back in Sweetwater, she didn't know what she would encounter when finally back at the station. Maybe it was too late already? Maybe those men had killed her friends in that ASA? Maybe she would never have the change to talk to Jimmy and explain? Maybe they had died without knowing? Was it her fault that events had escalated so fast? Had the man known she was on his tracks? Was it her fault the things had gone so wrong?

The pedway changed color as she got out of the building and out in the greenish atmosphere of the Cupola. The air was fresher here but she felt her stomach turn into a hard knot at the realization that her investigations might have something to do with the events in Sweetwater. If she hadn't been around, poking in things, they might not have had to escalate the rate of harvesting.

"Oh God," she moaned. "Did I bring this on? Oh God please no, let them still be alive, please keep them safe. Please let me see them again!"


	37. Chapter 37

The vessel seemed to sigh as it sank to the ground and Lou scurried, head first, towards the cockpit until the wall stopped her. The movement caused a burning wave of pure pain to shoot up from her leg. She felt nauseous at the intense pain that gripped her. Something was wrong with her leg, so wrong she didn't have the courage to look. She gripped the edge of a seat at her reach, fist clenching around the material to stop her from screaming. But she couldn't help the moan that escaped her.

"Lou?" Jimmy's frantic voice reached her from the darkness. "Lou, are you okay?"

"No," she whimpered, relieved to hear his voice, for a brief moment she had feared she was the only survival. "My leg hurts Jimmy, I-I-I don't know what's wrong with it."

"Oh God, Lou! Let me get the flashlight, everything is down in this thing, are you stuck somewhere?"

"Nooo," she whimpered again as a wave of nausea shot through her at the increasing pain.

She heard stumbling as Jimmy walked over the pending floor to get the light. Then a curse as he stumbled over something and a groan following. In a distance she heard Jimmy lash out at the Kid. "Goddammit, get yourself over to Lou, she's hurt! Now dammit!"

Kid said nothing and Lou closed her eyes at his callousness, he truly didn't care if she lived or died! She had to fight another scream threatening to escape her as the intense pain rolled over her again. She had no idea what happened next as she floated into herself and tried to concentrate on not crying or screaming. She heard somebody talk to her in a low soothing voice and a patch was put behind her ear. Something was put under her nose and oxygen filled her, having her relax at the knowledge that she was being taken care of. Then light appeared with Jimmy behind it.

"Kid?"

"Her leg is broken, I need the MediPac, it's..."

"I know where it is, Kid!"

The light disappeared again and Lou felt the crushing pain start to ease off. She closed her eyes and concentrated on listening to Kid's voice. She had no force to try and register what he said but his voice was calming her. When he grew quiet she moved her right hand and grabbed his coat hard.

"You're gonna be fine, Lou, I'll take care of you. It's fairly uncomplicated, not much tissue damage around it. You won't feel a thing in a while. Just hold on sweetie. Don't move, just trust me."

She wanted to tell him she did but Jimmy walked in and the strong light came back.

"How bad is it Kid?"

"Get in touch with Noah, Jimmy!"

"Damn! That bad is it, can...."

"Don't you worry 'bout Lou, just hold this and get in touch with base."

She felt a sting on her hand and turned her face to see Kid insert a needle in her vein. She whimpered at the sight, she hated needles, specially if they were stuck into her.

"Hold on Lou, this will help you fight the shock."

His confident voice calmed her immediately and she laid her head back on the floor and focused her gaze on the torn pocket on Kid's coat. Her breathing slowly becoming more even as her muscles relaxed.

"You sure you know how to do this Kid, you're a vet, not a doc!"

"Any other suggestions, Jimmy?"

Lou wanted to tell them both to shut up and Kid to do what needed to be done. The pain was alleviating, that was all she cared about.

"Back off, Jimmy. Just let me help Lou!"

"Just don't screw up, Kid or I'll have you pay this time."

"Please," Lou whispered, sailing on pleasantry as of now. No pain, no fears any longer. She felt a cool soothing around her leg. The beeping of apparatus lulled her further and holding on to Kid's coat, she felt perfectly safe. Time had ceased to exist and she dimly heard the two of them talking. She listened in but it was like it didn't concern her at all.

"Hand me the red thing on the bottom there, Jimmy!"

"This one? Oh God - what are you doin' to her? You sure about this?"

"Just shut up Jimmy and hand me the flacon with BRC! And keep that line elevated! Get a hold of Noah yet?"

"No."

"Log the time."

"How's it goin'?"

"Lookin' fine, take the patch off of her ear, she's had enough booster."

"You sure?"

"Want her to be lucid, no?"

 

 

Jimmy watched as Kid retracted the gross instrument out of Lou's leg. He felt sick at the sight, wondering why Lou wasn't screaming her lungs out. Kid was intently watching the malleable scanner film placed on her leg, waiting for the substance to take action. Sitting on his knees at Lou's side, he had to lean over to see the progress up close. The instrument he was holding fell out of his and and rolled on the floor. Kid turned and tried to gather it but failed, he had to turn around and grip it with his right hand instead.

"What's wrong with your hand, Kid?"

"Nothing's wrong Jimmy, just concentrate on logging the time. I'll remove the cooler, she's fine. It's already healed, just don't let her move at this point, it needs to stabilize first. Another minute and she'll be fine. "

Lou slowly started to ponder on the words spoken. She was out of the dreamland and slowly returning to reality. But this time reality had no pain or fear. She wriggled her toes and felt they finally worked again. Then she hesitantly moved her knee up, waiting for the pain to slug her back to her inert position.

Kid turned her head towards her and smiled. "Oh hello Lou, coming back?"

"Yeah," Lou admitted and scrambled up to rest on her elbows, her leg was straight, only a needle mark showing something had happened. A needle mark accompanied with a slight bluish tone of her skin and her cut pant leg.  
"You fixed it?" She looked at Kid removing the latex gloves, looking down on the Invitae on her leg. "Log?"

"Eight minutes," Jimmy replied.

"You have a good set of bones, Lou," Kid removed the medication from her vein and and she smiled gratefully at him. He was good at this, he knew what he was doing. With light fingers he placed another patch behind her ear. "This is a mild analgesic, should keep you pain free. But you better rest now, this treatment takes a lot outta you, you'll see. Try and eat something and take it easy until you get outta here."

"You mean I'm all done?" Lou asked in surprise, "just like that? I can stand on it?"

Kid nodded and turned to put the things back into the MediPac. Lou was hurt that he didn't even bother to look at her.

"Just like that?" Jimmy groaned. "You didn't see what he did to you? I was about to keel over myself just watching it. Jeez I hate this bloody stuff." He paused and looked down on Kid, "Kid what's wrong with...?" Flacons rolled around in the Medipac, Kid cursed at his own clumsiness.

"Come to think of it Jimmy, roll up your sleeve," Kid mumbled, the words slightly slurred.

"I'm fine, for God's sake, don't come near me with that thing!"

Lou rose and picked up the Invitae from the floor. "I'll do it for you Jimmy, after all I need to thank you for what you did for me."

"Oh heck Lou, can't you think of another way to thank me?"

"No Jimmy, wanna be sure you're all right, I'll find a way to thank you properly when we get back home. You ain't yellow now, are ya?"

"Just don't tell the Kid if you find something squirely, I'm not being treated by him!"

Lou chuckled and grabbed Jimmy's arm. Placing the apparatus firmly over his pulse. She just moved slightly away from his path when Kid scooted over to sit against the cockpit wall.

"Kid?" Jimmy asked and squinted his eyes.

"Stay still," Lou scolded as she lost her grip on his arm, having the Invitae tell her 'analysis failed'.

She was angry at the Kid, he seemed so distant, like he didn't care at all. Had he helped her only coz' it was his goddamned duty? Why didn't he hold her? Why didn't he give her the slightest sign he still cared for her like he used to. She steeled herself to threat him like air, the way he treated her.  
"You're kinda all right Jimmy, a little shook up is all!"

"Me? Shook up? Never!"

She rose to her toes and kissed his cheek. "You're only human Jimmy."

"Thanks Lou," Jimmy replied and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close. Lou wrapped her arms around him in response. Standing there she realized she really did not feel any pain at all, her leg was as good as new. They stood holding each other, grateful but shaken, content to have something to hold on to.

"Now I'm just gonna take us home. You need your rest. I better go outside and try to get a hold of Noah."

"All right," Lou said and turned as Jimmy unwrapped her from his hold. She felt empty and desolate at Kid's silence. He never uttered a word during their conversation. Like he gave a shit!

Lou decided to not even look at him, if he really didn't care at all, hell, then neither did she. "I'll try from inside the cockpit, maybe if we combine our channels we can get through to 'em! Kid, get outside and help Jimmy!"

"Try and get these damned lights on if you can, I'd hate for you to trip over something and fall on your face again!" Jimmy teased.

"Fall on my face? Who was it that let this thing drop in the first place? Watch it Jimmy, or I'll lock you out and leave you here when we take off!"

"Oh God, that's right, you have a license! I forgot about that."

"I should'a been flying this thing from the get go, we'd never had ended up here."

"Yeah right! Kid, listen to her, now she's saying she would have taken us straight home! Kid?"

They both turned at his silence. He would usually have a wisecrack to offer in situations like this. Now there was only silence.

Jimmy let the light shine on him, sitting leaned up against the cockpit wall. He must really be sulking this time. He sat slumped to the left, leading up against the wrinkled door. Head hung down. "Kid?" Jimmy repeated louder and reached out a hand to nudge him. "Come on!"

Lou's fingers were buried into his arm. "Jimmy," she stammered, "I think something's wrong!"

"What you mean something's wrong? He was fine a few minutes ago, what the hell could'a happened? Kid!" Crouching before him, he shook his shoulder hard. A totally slack Kid slid over to the other side.

"Oh God," Lou exhaled and fell to her knees in front of him. "Quit kiddin' us Kid, you're scaring us!"

"Lou," Jimmy let out, " I don't think he fakin' it. I think..."

"Kid?" Lou whispered and took his face in her hands, making him face her. A shiver ran through her at the sight of the half-closed eyes and the lack of reaction. His skin damp with cold sweat. His breathing fast and shallow. She fumbled to get to his pulse. When she found it on the side of his neck, it hammered violently against her fingertips.

"Oh. Jimmy, somethin's awfully wrong!"

Jimmy was cursing as he moved the light to search for the Invitae on the floor. He grabbed it eagerly and looked at it, then he realized he didn't know how to use it. "Shit shit shit!" He cursed, vehemently."Lou how do you change this thing to Kid's profile, I can't handle this thing!"

"Give it here!" Lou reached out to get the apparatus, her eyes never leaving Kid pale face. Her heart had started to pound violently again, in pure fear this time. Automatically she punched the code for 'human', 'male', 'Caucasian' and '26' in. She had no idea what his personal code was.

Resting it on his violently pulsating artery on the wrist, she stared down at it. The minute that passed was the longest in history. Then it happened and Lou let out a whimper. Three red lights came on and a intermittent warning tone filled the silent vessel.

"That bad?" Jimmy asked in a shivering voice and Lou nodded, her eyes fogged from tears.

"Goddammit!" Jimmy cursed and kicked the wall to his right violently.

Lou was about to yell at him as light started fluttering around them and one after one of the lights started working. A thousand emotions ran through Lou when she realized the vessel was back in function. For a moment there was hope, hope that they could fly off and get help. Then she realized how far they still were from any help and how rapidly Kid's condition seemed to deteriorate. They wouldn't get going anywhere until they knew what that would do to Kid, and why he was in this condition. Hopelessness gripped as she watched him, unmoving and his breathing getting more shallow by the minute.

"What's wrong, Kid?" She asked while she held an eye on the Invitae, why wasn't his lungs functioning, why did his BP keep dropping? Why was it all happening so sudden and so rapidly, his heart would stop if this kept on, was he bleeding internally? A result from the impact? How come he didn't say anything, why didn't he tell them he was in pain? Lifting his eyelids to check his papillary reflexes, she noticed how enlarged they were; the right pupil fully blown and nothing happened in the strong light. No reactions whatsoever. He was rapidly slipping away. But she wasn't going to let him die, she'd fight for him. If he wasn't able to fight right now, she'd do it for him. "Get Noah!" she yelled at Jimmy. Her hands traveled over Kid while the warning signal kept wrenching her nerves.

Jimmy desperately fought the EA, he flicked on every channel and sent the 'Mayday' in all possible directions. The was no answers, nothing but blinking, telling that his signals were going out, but nobody was getting them. "Where the hell are those lousy stinkin' bastards when you need 'em? Where the hell are they?"

Lou couldn't answer, she had finally found the reason for Kid's unconsciousness. Her hand was soiled with blood as she removed it from behind his ear. A raw gash sent blood dripping down his neck and out of his ear. "Oh God Kid! Kid, why didn't you say something? Why didn't you tell us you were hurt?"

"Lou?" Jimmy sank down by her side and watched her bloodied hand. His eyes followed the trail up and caught the hair matted with blood. "Lou, maybe it ain't that bad. Maybe it's just..."

"Jimmy, he's in phase three. He's dying right under our eyes!"

"But he was lucid when...oh God!" Jimmy sprang to life and left Lou. "Read me what the Inviate says, Lou, now!"

She looked at the blinking numbers on the screen, knowing the critical ones were signed in red. Blood red. "BP 85 over 50, dropping"

"Shit!" Jimmy cursed and scrambled with the MediPac.

"Pulse 165, polsock 65."

"Here Lou, you gotta help me. Hold his arm, I gotta get this in before his BP drops to nothing."

"You know what's wrong with him, Jimmy?" She watched as he inserted the long blank sterile metal into Kid's swollen vein and felt like throwing up when blood dripped out of it, onto his white skin. "Jimmy?"

"I'm a protor Lou, I know First Aid, but God I never realized I was gonna need it like this. I've forgotten a lot Lou, you gotta help me here!"

"Anything, Jimmy. Just tell me! What's wrong with him?"

"I'm not sure but I'm guessing subdural hemorrhage, maybe even subcortical. I'm hoping it's subdural, coz' if it's something else, then by God, we've lost him already!"

Lou had to close her eyes at the news. Of course, bleeding from the ear, the first sign!

"Oh God Jimmy, you're right. We need to intubate him, he might not be able to breathe for himself soon. Why didn't he tell us he was feeling sick?"

"He did Lou, in that charming way of his. He told me to get in touch with Noah. I thought it was for you! Didn't bother to try when I realized Kid knew what he was doing. Concentrated on helping him help you instead. Trust him not to come out and tell us 'You better get Noah or you'll have a corpse to bury!' He told me, the goddamned bullhead. I just didn't bother to listen, it's my fault!"

"Jimmy, shut up! Nobody's becoming a corpse here. It was just as much my fault. I never bothered to check him out, I gathered he was fine. I was angry at him for not---oh God Jimmy, I just didn't care!"

"Come on Lou, you were hurt! Hold his head straight back, I gotta get this tube in! I realized he was having trouble with his left hand, like it wasn't obeying him. His eyes looked kinda funny too, come to think of it. I asked him and he just brushed me off, the goddamned bullheaded fool. Get the tape. Gotta stabilize this thing in case he cramps."

"We gotta keep his head up Jimmy, the pressure on his brain has started to flash red too!"

"Mannitol," a flash of sudden knowledge seared through Jimmy's brain. "Lou, check the box for mannitol, it'll get the pressure down. Just hook it and the Invitae to his vein. It'll take care of it. Flick it onto automatic mode!"

"Thought you didn't know how to handle..."

"It's comin' back. Lou, we need to get oxygen into him 100 percent and pressurize it. Get the lines wide open!"

"How come you know so much about..."

"Because I watched Kid's former girlfriend die in his arms from subcortical bleeding, Lou! We had nothing and he told me what he would have done all the way until she took her last breath. It was all my fault back then too."

Lou turned to watch Jimmy, his voice trembling of raw emotion at the memory. She had never heard about this, this was something neither of them was talking about.

"Jimmy?" She whispered and felt her eyes fog again. From both the knowledge and the fresh pain in Jimmy's voice.

"I loved her Lou, I loved her just like Kid did, maybe more and I caused her death! I can't have him die too. Not like this, not by my hands."

"I'm sorry Jimmy, I had no idea."

"Just keep him breathing Lou, just keep him breathing. Coz' soon we're gonna have to drill a hole in his head."

Lou turned back to watch Kid struggling for his life, while she rhythmically pressed oxygen into his lungs. He was so still, even the eyes under the half-closed eyelids never moved. He was probably nearing the end, the pressure still rising inside his skull, squeezing the life out of him, stopping the blood from keeping his brain alive. She just couldn't look at him any longer, the memories of her misjudgments of him made her hate herself. Thinking he didn't care, she had put on a display of flirtations with Jimmy, wanting to hurt him. All the while he was bleeding, rapidly losing strength and she never bothered to ask him how he was. He had asked for help in that shy way of his, hoping one of them would understand, not wanting to intrude. She never bothered to listen. Never bothered to thank him for patching her up and calming her, relieving her from pain. Where had she been when he needed her? Wrapped up in herself, cursing him for his distance and callousness. When in fact it was she who had turned her back on him. Putting the ventilator onto the floor, pumping it against the hard surface, counting to keep a steady rhythm, she reached over to touch him, to run her fingers along his jawline and finally taking his clammy hand. "I'm so sorry Kid, it'll never happen again. Just come back to me. I didn't mean anything. Don't leave us, I need you. You know that."

"Huh?" Jimmy turned his head to watch her and she shook her head. "Nothing' Jimmy, I was just talkin' to 'im. Just do what needs to be done, just ..."

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?"

Noah's voice echoed through the communications system and startled them both.

"Picking up a phase three alert here Noah, we gotta get to them!" Rachel's voice came in to them, like she was standing right there with them.

"Rach!" Lou shrieked, "you gotta help us, it's bad ..." she started sobbing, realizing she just couldn't say the word. She couldn't say 'he's dying' out loud. Even if she in fact knew that it was precisely what was happening. "Noah please help!"

Jimmy flicked the Invitae on to 'send' and added; "It's Kid, Noah!"

The was a silence that was driving Lou out of her mind. They needed orders, they needed to be told what to do, they needed help! "Please," she finally begged.

Noah sighed, he had thought they were all dead and gone. He felt relief and it must have shown on his face. Lou's teary face turned to him and she whispered 'please'. Like she thought he had forgotten them. He hadn't, no way he had. But his mind was raking with the report that blipped its grim graveness before him, falling BP, rising intracranial pressure, polsock that rested well below what was good for anybody. All the signs said that there was a massive bleeding, inside Kid's skull. Hopefully not in the brain. They were maybe half an hour away from them. Should he tell them to wait for him? But he couldn't do that, it was plain wrong, he'd have to help them do what needed to be done for Kid. Right now, before the pressure caused irreparable brain damage, if it hadn't already. Helplessly he glanced up at Rachel, standing behind him. Her hands on his shoulders. He flicked the EA-voice off and looked at her.

"Rachel, he dies if they don't open him and let that blood out. But if they go in too deep he dies all the same. And that will be on them, not on me and I'm the one who should be there."

"But you ain't Noah, you gotta help them do it from here, talk them through it. At least, give'm a chance."

"They aren't trained!"

"They'll both do anything for him, you know that!"

"Stay with me?"

"Always!" She smiled at him and her smile gave him the confidence he needed. It felt bad trusting somebody that wasn't trained to do what he was about to ask them, he so wanted to be there himself. But he couldn't. He have to stay and look at it from afar, helpless if things went wrong.

Rachel flicked the EA-voice on. "Jimmy, I want you to take the scanningsheet and ...."

Jimmy was on it before she had time to finish the sentence. Rachel's hand squeezed Noah's shoulders. "That's right Jimmy."

Noah turned the incoming picture on.

Lou scooted away to give Jimmy room as Noah instructed him to turn Kid's head to the left. She lost hold of Kid's hand.

"BP dropping," Rachel remarked.

"No Kid," Lou begged and leaned forward to place a hand on the shoulder. "Not now sweetheart. Noah and Rachel are here to help you, Jimmy too. Don't go anywhere."

Jimmy held his eyes on the screen, tensely waiting on what was going on. This was far above his knowledge, he had no idea what was causing the reactions.

"Rising," Rachel nodded at the information.

Lou retracted her hand and looked at Jimmy, they were taking this so slow. They needed to proceed faster, what were they waiting on? Didn't they know she was losing him?

Rachel looked confused at the readings. "Uh Lou, I think you better put that hand back."

"What?" Lou didn't understand why they were doing this, waiting, not doing anything for him. Just sitting and staring at the readings.

"Just touch him Lou, his BP goes up when you do."

She put the ventilator between her legs and squeezed, nestling her hand around his slack arm. "I'm here Kid, hold on."

"Jimmy, you know what a AOP looks like?"

Jimmy looked at Noah like he wanted to throw up, "Yeah, unfortunately I do."

"Seen it used before?"

"Well about an hour ago or so Kid drilled a hole in Lou's leg with it."

"What?" Rachel leaned forward, wondering if Jimmy too had hit his head.

"Never mind, yeah I've seen it used."

"Okay, that makes it easier. We're gonna have a go now, no idea to stall it any longer. You did a fine job with him so far. Now we're gonna take it home."

Jimmy gruffed something and looked at the sharp metallic edge of the device he was holding in his hand. The pic of the skull that belonged to his friend Kid showed up on the screen besides Noah and Rachel. Lou whimpered at the sight of the dark shadow pressing on the soft tissue.

Jimmy realized his hands were shaking, he wouldn't be able to do it. He wouldn't, because if he missed and went trough the delicate barrier it would mean Kid died. "Lou," he said, "Lou, please."

Lou forced her eyes away from the screen and looked at Jimmy. Immediately she realized Jimmy wouldn't be able to perform the operation, he wouldn't because he was scared to kill the one she loved. He was asking for her to do it. She turned to look at the Kid and knew she was his only chance at this point. And she knew he would have wanted her to do it, just like she would have wanted him to do it if it was her lying on the floor, touch and go.

"Breathe for him," she simply ordered and Jimmy scooted over. "I'm on it, Noah, just tell me how."

Noah hesitated for a moment and glanced up at the woman behind him again. She squeezed his shoulders.

"How!" Lou repeated, "now dammit!"

She placed herself so her leg supported Kid's side, she got so close to him she felt his erratic heartbeat. Her anger at the people on the screen began to rise. They weren't here! They didn't see and sense Kid slipping away. They only saw the numbers on a screen. She was about to bark at them when Noah's voice came back.

"Okay Lou, place the point on the neck right where you feel the tendon and the skull meet."

"Roger," Lou affirmed, and watched the result on the screen. Realizing the angle was wrong she tilted the device so it laid in perfect line with the membrane inside.

"Good. Now hold it perfectly still. It should automatically do the rest, but you need to be still, no flinching or shaking. It takes off with a kick so be prepared. You ready?"

"Just say how!"

"Squeeze your thumb and index finger and it will happen in two seconds. Just remember to hold still and wait. If you move, it'll sense it and retract before it shoots out and we'll have to start again."

Lou squeezed her fingers slightly and held her breath. Her whole body intent on keeping absolutely still. If the world came to an end or an earthquake happened, nothing would budge her. She clenched her jaw as she felt the kick and in the same instance the metal shot through the bone and aligned perfectly into the shadow that was taking Kid from her. "Gotcha," Lou wheezed at it, triumphant at her victory.

"Good, now the AOP will align itself and you have to concentrate on keeping his head still. Flick the top onto the locked position. You still with us, Jimmy?"

Jimmy finally dared open his eyes and glance at the screen. Of course Lou had done it, the device was in, and nobody was dead yet.

"Halfway trough troop, now you gotta give'm some anticoagulant and wait for relief. Lou, take the flacon named CHA 5%. That's right, that's the one, just fill the syringe to 5 cc and couple it to the AOP, it'll take care of itself. You just keep him breathing till it's done its thing. Don't move you hear, just sit tight and...."

The voice died off and the screen went blank.

"Jimmy!" Frantically she looked at her companion, hoping he had done something to the EA to have them disappear. "Jimmy? What the hell are you doing!"

"Keeping Kid breathing Lou, I don't know what happened!" He moved toward the EA on the floor, trying to figure out what was happening. Then he looked at Lou and met with her wide eyes, eyes emanating such fear it tore at his heart. But he had no soothing words to offer, he had nothing. And Lou knew that, she knew full well he was just as helpless as she was in this situation. And Jimmy hated himself for it.

The only sound in the ASA was the oxygen going in and out of Kid's lungs, an eerie sound, like a giant wheezing.

Then there was a scraping at the door and the vessel sank to the left, causing Jimmy to lose hold of the ventilator. Lou laid herself sideways over the Kid, her thighs holding him to his place. She held on frantically, his weight shifting to her. A thud and finally a crack resulted in cold wind rushing into the vessel.

"Nooo!" Lou screamed.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by The Hollies' - "He ain't heavy, he's my brother" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYzfTdIZoP0

"Cody!" Noah yelled, "what the hell are you doin'! We lost them!"

"Hold your horses Noah, we're right by them, I just had find some place to put this thing down."

"They're parked on unsteady ground." Teaspoon's voice reached them. The tension in it not escaping them, even though he did his best to sound calm and confident. "We touch ground in 2 secs, get the gear."

Rachel let go off his shoulder and ran into the cockpit, leaving Noah cursing and hammering the palms of his hands against the control panel. He had been cut off so abruptly, what would Lou and Jimmy think? That he abandoned them, that they too went down? In the state of shock they were, it might cause them to panic. A little warning would have been nice. Just a 'hang on we'll be right there´.

Rachel returned and Noah immediately sensed the fear emanating from her. He gripped her waist to stop her as she rushed to the gear. "Rachel?"

She turned in his arms, looking straight into his eyes; "They crashed straight onto rocks, Noah and in this weather. It can..."

"...flip and they'd be buried under the weight. I know, God I never thought about that. It may all be for nothing after all! We can't haul the gear in, we gotta get them out first."

"You're right," she whispered as the front panel opened and Cody and Teaspoon disappeared into the raging storm.

Noah kissed her cheek; "Let's go, we ain´t losing anybody! Not like this."  
Taking her hand not to lose her in the stormy rain, he ran after the two men carrying a stretcher.

As they stopped before the vessel and Cody used the crowbar to force the front open the vessel titled and they heard Lou's scream from inside.

Without thinking Rachel freed her hand from Noah´s hold and rushed into the pending ASA. She had to get them out before it tipped over and buried them all. The vessel still sinking, she crawled on her hands and knees to the pair on the floor and Jimmy fighting to get a hold of the ventilator. "Lou!"

Lou had thrown her arms around Kid, fighting to keep him still. Her face ashen as she struggled. Rachel´s heart bled for the young woman, she looked scared out of her wits but she wouldn't let go off the one she loved. Even if letting go and rolling out to freedom would have been so easy.

"Lou, " she called again, trying to keep her voice calm and soothing. Noah crawling behind her giving her confidence. The Invitae was still beeping intermittently, nobody had been lost yet. Jimmy finally got a hold of the ventilator and groaned as he pushed the much needed air into Kid´s lungs again.

Reaching Lou's side, Rachel stopped Kid's slow sliding downwards. Lou still held on to him, her eyes closed and her lips a thin line. "It's all right Lou, we´ll take it from here."

It was like the frightened young woman didn´t even hear her. Leaning closer Rachel saw that her lips moved and she whispered 'no' over and over again. Helplessly Rachel glanced at Noah arriving at her side. He met her eyes and read her concern. Reaching out for Lou, he clinched her in his strong hold.

"Lou, let go of him. We´re here. It´s gonna be all right." Taking her into his arms, he noticed how tensed she was, like a string ready to snap. Her adrenaline levels must have been at the absolute peak. "Let go, Louise, we'll help him. You need to get out."

"No," she sobbed, "not without him!"

Her strength was rapidly vanishing and Noah forcefully turned her away from the young man on the floor and eased her into Teaspoon's waiting lap.

"Cody, switch with Jimmy and get them both out!"

"Hey!" Jimmy protested. "I can handle it!"

"Out!" Cody ordered and pushed him down the sloping floor. "Take care of Lou."

Lou felt like a rag doll being thrown from one to the other, taken away from where she should be. Her body still shivering from the effort to keep Kid as still as possible, the fear when she felt him slide away from her, still searing through her. Teaspoon hauled her mercilessly out of the ASA. In spite of her wheezes to let go. Outside, the harsh wind drowning her in ice-cold rain, had her sober up instantly. Teaspoon wouldn't let go and she hammer her fists against him.

"Hold on Lou, can't go back in there. It just ain't safe!"

"The hell I care," she screamed and fought him, "I need..."

"Shhh," Teaspoon hushed her, clinching her arms in his strong hold. One hand freeing to stroke her hair. "I know Louise, you need to be with him. It just can't be right now. Try and understand that, he'll be out of there soon." He talked to her like she was a three year old, refusing to see reason.

She started to cry at the fatherly tone of his voice. She sobbed onto his shoulder, his hand stroking her hair awkwardly. Just like her father used to do. She cried of both anger and desperation. "Why?" She wept inconsolably, "why did this happen?"

"I don't know Lou, I just don't know. But we'll get you all home, don´t you worry. First let's get both you and Jimmy away from this rain. Then we'll get Kid, I promise you Lou, I ain't lettin' him go anywhere without you."

"Come on Jimmy, you too," he ordered the young man at his side. Realizing Jimmy's reluctance to leave, he saw only one chance to get the two of them away from the scene. "Take care of Lou, son. Take her away from here!"

Wordlessly Jimmy nodded and threw his arm around the young woman's shaking shoulders. "Come on Lou," he prodded softly. "Let´s get outta here." Teaspoon threw raincoats over their shoulders and nodded at Jimmy to start walking. Jimmy had no other alternative than to do as asked. He didn't want to, but there was nothing else he could do.

"No, Jimmy," Lou protested, her gaze desperately searching for Kid inside the vessel. Jimmy had to bend down and lift her into his lap.

Jimmy shook his head as he walked with the wriggling Lou securely locked into his strong hold. Was it gonna happen all over again, was he about to lose a friend all over? Would it be Lou this time who had to live through the intense pain he had suffered all those years ago? Would it never end? That time Kid had held the dying young woman in his lap as he himself was unable to. All he could do was touch her fingertips as she slowly slipped away. Kid had been there for the woman he loved and now he wasn't there for the Kid. Why did this all keep repeating itself? Why did he keep causing people close to him to suffer? "I'm so sorry Lou," he whispered into her hair as they approached the vessel.

Her arms came up around his neck and she squeezed him tight. The she started crying quietly, every sob laying further burden on Jimmy. Tears brimmed in his own eyes as he sat her down on the floor in the entrance and hugged her close. Both seeking comfort in each other, Jimmy's feelings of guilt increasing as he realized he found that comfort in her. She didn't, not the way he did. Lou wanted somebody else to hold her. "Oh God Lou," he murmured "I'm so goddamned sorry."

They sat there holding on to each other, Lou's tiny form trembling of exhaustion and fear. All Jimmy was able to do was stroke her wet hair and hum while he rocked her gently in his lap. The wind outside howling, causing Lou to flinch every time the storm winds penetrated the open front and embraced them in a chilly grip.

"He won't make it," she repeated over and over again. "I need to be with him." Defeated she repeated the phrase over and over again. Jimmy held his eyes in the direction of the vessel, hoping to see somebody in the gray mist outside. He wished with all his heart he'd find words to soothe Lou, but he didn't. He was ready to scream himself when he finally spotted the yellow coveralls moving in their direction. He must have stiffened to his place because Lou turned in his lap. "Jimmy?" She exhaled jerkily.

"Shhh, Lou, they're coming." Rising to his feet he pulled her up to rest on his chest, arms tightly wrapped around her.

"Is...can you... is he.... is he..."

"Oh, he's fine," Jimmy mumbled and clinched her closer. _Don't you worry about her Kid, just see to it you don't go and die on her coz' I'll kill you if you do, you damned fool. You just had to go and whack your thick head didn't you? Only this time it just wasn't thick enough. And you had to stay quiet, you just had to remind me, didn't you?_ His thoughts went rampant as he watched Rachel run up to them, her hair dripping wet, glued to her face. His heart fell a thousand miles and he felt lightheaded.

"Get out off the rain," she hissed at them both, pushing them further inside. "What the hell are you doin' standing here? Didn't I tell you to take her inside, Jimmy?"

He just stared at her, waiting for the words, fearing the next ones she would say. That it was too late, and he had once again caused the death of somebody. But then again, why this hurry if....

"Would you kindly get outta the way so we can get him inside, now dammit! This freezin' cold ain't exactly good for him, you know."

Lou stood like frozen to her place, Jimmy sensed the shivering in her, the shivering turned into trembles and her teeth started to clatter. Desperately he hugged her closer, trying to warm her and calm her. Then they both heard it, the Invitae's intermittent beeps penetrating the howling of the wind. A wave of gratitude seared through Jimmy and his knees flexed slightly. Lou gripped him hard as the stretcher appeared and they rushed Kid straight by them, so fast they had no time to react and get out of the way. There was only growling and fast movements and clashes as the metal hit the side of the front panel. The inner door opened and Noah's fast orders to the men around him rang out. Clear and confident.

"He's fine, Lou," Jimmy told her when he found his voice.

Lou went limp in his arms.

 

 

 

The sound of rhythmical heartbeats and a low murmuring penetrated the fog she found herself in. It was warm and cozy where she was at, the blanket surrounding her like a second hide, like a tight embrace. But there was something telling her that everything wasn't all right, something was dreadfully wrong. Right now she just wasn't able to figure out what? She just couldn't open her eyes. What was happening, where was she and why was she so goddamned tired? Voices around her. Talking tensely. She opened her eyes and reality hit her. "Kid," she whimpered and fought the blanket, working herself up to lean on her elbows.

"Shhh, Lou, take it easy," Jimmy held her down. Shaking his head at her trial to get up. "He's doing much better. You gotta rest."

Irritably she turned to her side, her head still dizzy as she held on to the edge of the bed, trying to see the man on the stretcher. Rachel watched her struggles and walked over to her. Placing a hand on her shoulder, she forced the frantic girl back down. Lou glared at her, didn't they understand? She needed to know.

"Lou, he's getting better all the time. The bleeding has stopped and Noah's gotten the coagulated blood out. We're just preparing him for the stem cells to repair the damage."

"Can't I just see him?"

"Lou, you're not well yourself, you just been through an operation and should stay still. Kid'll have our hides if we let you hurt yourself."

Lou tilted her head back and caught a glimpse from behind Noah. She groaned at the sight. There were plastic tubes inserted in Kid, his eyes taped close. His face hardly visible from underneath the mask covering it. But the whiteness of his skin was so evident. Groaning again, she closed her eyes to escape the vision. Hoping that when she opened them again, she'd find out this was all a nightmare. But she couldn't close her ears from the sounds of his heartbeat and the beeping of the apparatus that was surrounding them.

"The hospital," she groaned, falling back on the gurney, the surroundings whirling strangely before her eyes, making her feel sick. "He needs a hospital. Why are we still here?"

"Breathe deep Lou," Rachel soothed, stroking her hair. "You're in shock honey and we can't take off just yet. There's too much wind. Noah's handling it just fine sweetie. He'll get him through. No need to worry."

Lou opened her eyes and watched Rachel leaning in on her. No need to worry? Why didn't they understand how scared she was. "Rachel, please," her voice thickened. "Just let me see him, please."

The red-haired women watched her for a long while and Lou fought the tears. But she just couldn't stop them trickling down her face. Rachel cupped her chin in her hand and smiled softly.

"Sure, Lou. I understand." She turned to the man behind her. "Noah?"

He turned to look at her, his dark eyes weary but his gaze as scrutinizing as ever. Finally he nodded. "All right Lou, let Rachel help you, I'll go get a chair for you. Just tell us if you feel weak. You should really be resting. And Jimmy I need to check you out too."

She rose so fast her head swirled. Biting down on her lower lip, she eased herself off the gurney. Her legs started shaking immediately as she walked to him. Her palms sweaty and head pounding, she gratefully sank onto the chair Noah was pushing under her. She felt so faint looking at him so close, his chest heaving as the machine pumped air inside. The lines taped onto his chest, filled with different liquids. Five plastic bags hanging on a metal rack above him, each one of them dripping life back into him. Turning to watch his face, she had to draw a deep breath. She so longed to see his eyes but they were taped shut. Not letting her see the blue twinkling she so desperately needed to see. A thick substance glittering in the long eyelashes. Looking like tears. The veins on his neck swollen, bluish in color. She swallowed hard.

"You okay Lou?" Noah asked.

Nodding slightly. she opened her mouth to tell them not to worry, but she found her throat too tight. Rachel walked up to her to steady her. "It's all right Lou, go on. Touch him."

She was so afraid he would be cold to her touch. Terrified that he would be as limp and seemingly lifeless as he was when she first touched him. But she couldn't resist all the same, she longed to soothe him.  
"I'm here Kid," she cooed, her voice just a hoarse whisper, cracking as her hand landed on the heaving chest. The muscle under her palm shivered slightly at her touch. Her head snapped up in surprise, her eyes searching for his, waiting for him to somehow tell her he knew she was there.  
"Kid?" She repeated his name softly, wishing he would let her know he knew she was there, by his side. It had been just a flutter against her palm and she spread her fingers on his chest, hoping to feel it again. Hoping to warm him.

"We're gonna take him home Lou, it's just an hour away, we've called the best docs there are to help him. They're already back home putting everything up for him."

"He needs to be in hospital Noah, you know that." Lou whispered. She had known from the start that this was going to be hard, but not getting him the best help available was just cruel. "He needs the best there is."

"He'll have it Lou, as soon as we get him to base. That's the best option we have, to take him home and cure him. The trip to the hospital would be too long, Lou. We need to start repairing his brain as soon as possible. He's gonna be fine, it will take awhile, but he will be just fine."

Lou turned to look at his face again, her hand softly moving on his chest.

"He knows you're here," Noah smiled at her and nodded to the screen. Lou turned to watch and saw how the red indicator for the BP changed color as it rose. Slowly the color changed as it climbed from 80/70 to 90/70 to then take a leap and settle itself at 110/80. Turning the indicator green.

Lou so wanted to hold his hand but with all the tubes stuck into him, the veins swollen from the medications running into him, she was afraid to hurt him. She nestled her right hand under the tubes and lay it to rest on his shoulder. Then she lowered her head and kissed the flat uncovered part of his abdomen. "I love you."

Noah chuckled. "Let's not get him overexcited here, Lou!"

She didn't bother to answer and rested her head lightly on Kid's abdomen, waiting for a reaction. Her senses filling with the scent of him, calming her rattled nerves. The muscle under her cheek fluttered again and she relaxed her neck. The fluttering subsided and Noah let out a low whistle. "Heart rate normal! Heck Lou, how'd you do that?"

"I just want him to be all right," she whispered. "And I hope he knows."

"He knows, Lou." Rachel's hand stroking her hair. "Come on Lou, you better get back to bed and rest."

"The hell I'm going anywhere," Lou stated decisively.

By the tone of her voice they all knew she wouldn't budge. Jimmy shook his head as Noah threw an inquiring glance in his direction. Neither hell nor high water would get Lou away from Kid now. She's probably faint where she sat, but she wouldn't leave his side.

Teaspoon's voice emerged from the cockpit. "It's clearing up, we're ready for takeoff. How about you?"

"Go, just go!" Lou mumbled and closed her eyes. "Take 'im home.".

Rachel had to smile and ruffle her hair. "Okay Lou, as you wish, better hold on thou!"

"Tie me to this goddamned thing if you want to, I just ain't leaving him."

"Ready," Noah replied and searched for Rachel's eyes. They glittered with pride and relief as they landed on his. They had accomplished something incredible this cold windy day, a day that seemed godforsaken a few hours ago. Lives were saved. Noah felt the warmth spread inside him as he looked down on Kid and Lou. He couldn't even start to figure what it would have felt like to lose either of them, or Jimmy. Anyone of the group, they all belonged. And Rachel - having Rachel around made everything seem worth while. He walked to stand behind her and threw his arms around the slim waist. "Thank you Rach," he simply said and kissed her cheek.

"Let's not get overexcited here," Lou mumbled.

Rachel laughed and Noah buried his face in her wild red hair.

 

 

 

Lou rested leaned over the Kid when the ASA hummed and rose. Afraid the soft shivering of the vessel would hurt him further. But there was no intermittent warning signals as they rose and took off. Her eyelids grew heavy again, she remembered the day out at the swimminghole, how she had laid with her head in his lap and he stroke her hair, silently admiring her and whispering words of love until she fell asleep in his lap. More content than she had ever been in her life. Why couldn't this be that day. Kid would wake her with a soft kiss and tell her they needed to get back. And she could wrap her arms tight around him and hold on to him. Would there ever be days like that again? Lazy days she could spend with Kid? Why did they let all those days pass, why didn't she see this coming and hold on to him. Not letting this happen. Why had she been so angry with him? He just wanted to be with her without having to hide, why didn't she let him? Was this the price she had to pay for that decision? Losing him completely? It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair! She promised him everything would change from now on, she'd tell everybody, she'd let them all know. No matter what happened, if they had to withdraw from the project, she wouldn't mind. No other price she had to pay was even close to losing Kid. She had already lost too much. The slow rhythm of his heart had her relax - it was still beating. And that was all she asked for right now.

 

 

 

"Lou?" Rachel hand touched her shoulder. "You better let go, we're home. They'll be needing to move him. You need to be checked out too."

She raised her head and looked surprised at the woman.

"I think you fell sleep Lou, we're home and everything will be fine. Just let them take him."

Reluctantly she moved away from him as the inner door opened. Still looking at him, she bent to kiss his cheek, "Won't go far Kid, I'll be right by you. Just hang in there."

"Louise!"

Her head snapped up at the sound of the familiar voice. Then she was taken into strong arms and hugged close. "I got the word, Lou, God you scared me! Are you okay? What happened out there?"

"Huh?" She just couldn't believe it, what was he doing here? She didn't have neither the strength nor the will to handle him too. Not on top of this all.

"Oh God, come here Louise, let me take care of you. You look so tired. I know you didn't mean what you said, right honey? I miss you so much, it just can't be over. We'll work everything out. I'll stay here with you, honey. I'll get used to it. I'll manage, I promise."

The arms hugging her close brought the old familiar sense of safety to her. But it just wasn't like when Kid held her, she was safe all right, but there was no tingling, no actual need. It just was. It felt fine, sure, but it didn't feel like coming home, it was nowhere close to being held by Kid. Nowhere close, and she had known this for such a long time and decided to close her eyes to it. Now she had the final proof of where she really belonged.  
"Sean," she muttered against his shoulder. "Why are you here? I thought you said you'd hate it out here!"

"You're here, Louise, and the moment we got the alarm you needed a stem cell specialist group out here, I volunteered. Thought it was you needing me, hell knows if I'd a come if I knew you were all right!"

"Thanks," Lou let out in a snort.

"That's not what I mean Lou, I would have come to stay with you, I wouldn't have volunteered to do the job."

She fought herself loose from his hold and took a step back to watch him. He was the same stunningly handsome young man she remembered, but when she looked at him now, she felt anger. Wasn't he going to do all it took? Wasn't he going to care enough to bring her Kid back? How would he react when he found out about her and the Kid? Would he still be willing to save him. Would he still do his utmost? "Sean, you do your job and you do it well, or by God I'll never forgive you. Let anything happen to him and you'll be sorry!"

"So it's true then?" He looked at her, an odd coldness in the eyes. "You did leave me for the monk, outta all people? You know what people are saying about me back home? Do you know what you did to me?"

Grabbing his shirtfront, Lou jerked his head down and pierced him with her eyes. "Let something happen to him and you'll understand all I really can do to you. Remember that!"

Letting go off him, she stared coldly at him. He had always been so keen on his reputation. He had actually laughed at 'the monk' when she showed him the list of the people she was joining. He had been so sure of her, so sure she was under his spell. That no woman would be able to say no to him. He had taken her for granted!  
"Go!" She urged him, "and never forget what I just told ya! Screw up and I'll make you pay!"

Sean turned and walked out, never looking at her again. The display had failed, he probably had awaited for her to beg him for forgiveness and crawl by his feet.. That was the kind of man he was. Then she looked at Kid being hauled out and went stone cold. That what was she expected of Kid, that was the kind of woman she was! "Oh God, what have I been doin'?" Sinking to the floor, she hid her face in her hands. "Oh God! I did exactly the same."

"Lou?" Jimmy sank to his knee in front of her. "Are you all right? Want me to get Noah back?"

"No," she shook her head, "no, I want Kid back!"

Jimmy just helped her to her feet. "Patience Lou, patience. Let them straighten him out before you start playing with his mind again." Jimmy smiled at the young woman. Having been a spectator to the ups and downs of the romance, he just felt like chuckling thinking about the two of them, so incredibly in love and so incredibly stupid. To his surprise Lou didn't laugh at his joke, she looked like he had just slugged her.  
"Come on Lou," he told her and lifted her into his arms. "Just kiddin'." He felt like a fool for reminding her as her face went pale again. "I was, I mean, not him, he was never...kiddin', not when it came to you!"

"Jimmy! I just didn't let him know I love him, not like I should have."

"You will Lou, you will." As he carried her the few steps out of the vessel his mind went back to the one he never was able to do that for. The one he never had the chance to tell he loved. And he decided there and then he would not let that happen to his friends, to no-one else, ever, if he could help it. Least of all to Lou.


	39. Chapter 39

"Lulabelle, wake up!" Emma stroke the dark hair out of the young girl's face.

She just grunted and buried her face deeper into the pillow. Emma wanted to let her rest, but she also knew the young woman needed food. She had been sleeping for two days and only had some crackers to eat. She had been so worn out when they finally got her to bed. Her sleep hadn't been restful either, Emma had watched her toss and turn in her bed, fighting nightmares and calling out his name. "Louise," she hummed again and shook her shoulder slightly.

Lou's eyes opened slowly and seeing Emma sitting on her bed she pulled herself up into a sitting position. "Kid?"

"He'll be fine sweetie, but you need some food. Come on down, I made your favorite."

Lou rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands, shaking her head as she did. Mumbling something.

"Huh?" Emma had to lean in and try to decipher the words.

"I wanna see him first!" Lou said hoarsely. "Can't think of food right now, ain't exactly hungry."

"Lulabelle, you haven't eaten in two days. You gotta eat something."

"Two days?" Lou's head snapped up and Emma read disbelief and fear in her eyes. "You let me sleep for two days? I promised I'd stay with him, Emma!"

"Lou sweetheart, you were so tired you could hardly stand on your own feet and he's been out all the time." Emma had to hug the young woman, trying to comfort her, wishing to wipe the desperation from the eyes. Her stance so tense. So guilt-ridden. "Lou, he wouldn't have noticed if you were there or not!"

"Oh God, he's that bad? Emma, there are things I need to tell him, things I never told him and he needs to know!"

"Lou, he's probably gonna be just fine. He'll probably wake up soon, that's why I came to get you. But the moment he sees you, he'll get mad at us for not taking care of you properly, like feedin' ya. You know that. You won't be able to be there for him if you don't get your strength back. Come on, let's get some food into you and you'll get to see him."

"I already have a mother, Emma!" Lou grunted as she swung her legs over the bed.

Emma laughed. "Guess I just can't help myself, specially when it comes to you."

Lou had to smile, Emma was their mother hen, always looking out for the needy ones. Lou herself wasn't really keen on that part. Never had been, but she was learning fast. "Is Jimmy all right?"

Emma nodded and placed her arm around Lou's shoulders, gently pushing her out of the room. "Everybody's fine Lou, Amanda is here and I just got Noah to sit down and have breakfast too. Sean's finally getting something to eat too. It's been a hard two days for all of them." She could tell Lou's stance changing and her pace slowing. "Lou, you have to talk to him. You have to tell him, you'll regret it later if you don't set things straight with him. You were together for a long time, you might regret it if you don't. "

"You planned this, didn't you? Getting us together around a table. Ever think of all the deadly tools around, forks can really hurt if you know where to put 'em!"

"Lulabelle!" Emma didn't know if to laugh or scold her. "Don't you think it's wiser to part on friendly terms?"

"I don't wanna deal with him now," Lou shook her head. "I just wanna see Kid. Sean is in my past, we kinda used each other. Kid's different, and I really need to tell him that."

Emma nodded. "Oh, Sean's pretty much figured it out already. But I still think your history deserves a proper ending. Let him know that it's really over, that you have moved on so he can do it too."

"Oh God, Emma," Lou sighed, "I should'a done that a long time ago."

"Sometimes we're just left hanging on, unable to take that leap of faith into something new. Just do it Lou, take the leap."

"Been readin' philosophy again?" Lou mumbled.

"Been listening to Teaspoon," Emma chuckled. "In all those words there are some that's really worth listening to."

"Don't tell me, Emma! I know there's a sermon waiting for me."

"You betcha!" Emma retorted with a wry smile.

 

 

Lou snuck into the kitchen and found herself a seat at Noah's side. She had a hard time even looking at Sean, sitting at the end of the table, watching her intently as she walked inside. She just nodded in his direction, never meeting with his gaze. First she had to find out about the Kid, then she'd deal with Sean. "Noah, is he gonna be all right? Just tell me the truth!"

"He's probably gonna be just fine. Just let that medication and the stem cells do their work and he'll be just fine. He's just out cold but that's to be expected," Noah smiled at her but Lou read the tiredness in his eyes.

"This long?" Lou asked, her stomach turning. "It's been two days already, shouldn't he wake up? What if ..."

"Lou, we just have to wait, that's all we can do. He's alive and breathing on his own, when he wakes up we'll find out more. We just have to wait, Lou."

"So why won't Emma let me see him?" she inquired. "I won't disturb you or anything, I just wanna see him!" She peered at Noah, trying to see if he was being straight with her. Fearing they were hiding the truth from her, like it wouldn't come out eventually anyhow? Like they were trying to shield her from the grim fact that he had been deprived of oxygen for too long, his brain maybe damaged beyond repair.

"No Lou, you saved his life, both of you. You did exactly what needed to be done and Sean took care of the rest. All brain-reflexes are normal, that's all we can tell right now. We'll know the rest in a while, some functions we'll leave for you to try out."

Lou blushed and a plate landed under her nose.

"Eat!" Emma ordered.

Lou finally lifted her eyes in Sean's direction. "Thanks," she said, her voice rather unsteady from the relief Noah's words had brought her. Her sleep had been filled with nightmares of Kid slipping away, Kid in an eternal state of unconsciousness. Never again opening his eyes. Never again holding her. The memories of him haunting her. And she still didn't know. Her throat felt so tight she suspected it would be impossible to get a bite down, it was damned hard to even breathe.

"You're welcome," Sean replied nonchalantly. "All in a days work."

Lou nodded and tentatively took one bite of the bread. Of course, he had treated him like any other patient, because that was who the Kid was to him. Somebody that needed his expertise. There was no need for her to tell him thanks, but she just felt like she needed to tell him what Kid meant to her. Whatever shape he would wake up in, she'd be there for him, coaching him back to life if necessary. At least she had that. He still would be the Kid to her, and the feelings she had for him were enough for them both. She needed to let them both know that. What she should have told both him and Sean months ago. "I just wanted to let you know I really appreciate you comin' out here to help him. You see....I love him."

Noah scrambled with the fork against the plate. "I better get goin'," he mumbled. Emma took the cue and sneaked out of the kitchen after him. Leaving the two of them alone. Lou cursed them both.

"Louise," Sean started when the door shut behind the two. "You could have told me. I shouldn't have had to find out through others. Dammit Lou, I care about you."

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I've left a lot unsaid lately. Figured it would work out by itself."

"Some things just don't, Louise."

"I know that now. I know it ain't that easy. Things need to be said."

"So when did all this start? When did you start seeing him?"

"I don't know if I ever started **seeing** him. But I started loving him from the first time I saw him. Didn't know it then, that's all. I'm sorry Sean, I should have told you right from the beginning, I just couldn't. Things were everything but clear between us, kinda rocky so to say. Still are in fact."

"So you're not even together?"

"Not officially, no."

"I see," Sean said, holding his gaze on Lou. "I was kept as the fallback guy in case something went wrong? In case it didn't work out? Well hell, I can live with that."

"I can't, Sean. I realized that I need more than somebody loving me, I need to love back. With all my heart and soul. I just don't love you that way Sean, I've never loved anyone that way before. I don't care if he doesn't ...well I do care if he doesn't love me, but I can accept it. Can't come back to you thou'. I need to love, need to love like I love Kid." She saw Sean flinch at her words, she hated to hurt him like this. But there was no other way.  
"I loved you too Sean, don't ever go thinking I didn't. But as a friend, a really close friend. But Kid, he's that and more. It's...it's like finally finding something you always looked for, not even knowing you were looking or what it was you looked for."

"It's okay Lou, you don't need to explain. Never believed in that romantic love thing anyways."

"Someday you will Sean, you'll find it too if you're lucky. And you'll know exactly what I mean. It ..it takes you and makes you... I don't know....see things differently? It's just something else, something you can't explain."

"Okay Lou, finish that meal and let's go see this God of yours!"

Lou rose from her seat, carefully gathering the plate and the silverware to take them to the washer. Meticulously she rinsed the plates and pondered on Sean's words. Was that how she saw the Kid? Like a savior of some kind? Hell no, sometimes the man irritated the hell outta her and she felt like whacking him hard, but she wouldn't take him any other way. She loved the way he always took the time to think things through, to explore all possibilities before making his decision, and then sticking to it, come whatever difficulties. A sometimes nerve wrecking devotion, and readiness to help anything living on earth, even those who didn't deserve it. Getting himself in trouble for it, making her mad as hell coz' of that stubbornness. That was just the Kid. She smiled to herself before she turned to face Sean.

"No Sean, he's not God-on-Earth, he's just Kid, and that's all I ask him to be. That's why I love him, coz' he's he."

"But what if he don't remember anything when he wakes up? What if he's a wreck, not the one you met?"

"I don't know Sean, I just know I need to be with him." Lou mumbled. The fear of the truth in the words making her clinch her jaw. _What if he doesn't even know who I am?_  
"All I know now Sean, is that I need to see him."

Sean rose slowly from his place at the table. Walking over to her and stopping right in front of her, watching her. Lou calmly met with his eyes, knowing she was right. There had never been a question of choosing really, it was a question of trust. And for her to trust, she needed to respect. And that was it, she respected the Kid as a human being, faults and all, because she understood him, deep down she had that deep understanding of what he was all about. To love she needed that, and she had found it. "Let me see him Sean, please, I need to tell Kid what I just told you."

"Don't even get me started on the nick name," Sean smiled sadly at her. "How come a grown man is called the Kid?"

Lou yanked his shirtsleeve lightly. "Coz' he so damned cute." Her eyes were overflowing as she spoke and the notion of Kid flooded her with tenderness.

Sean gripped her hand and steered her to sickbay.

 

 

He seemed so small in the bed, her heart surged at the sight of him. The strong man she knew, lying there, seeming so small and helpless. Tubes still in his arm and under his nose, making him seem vulnerable. He must hate being tied up like this, her proud man, always striving for control of himself. Striving to be the dependable one when things went out of hand. Her eyes couldn't get enough of him, she drank him in. Eyes automatically searching for the dreadful hole she had made in his skull. There was nothing but a white patch behind his ear.  
But he seemed agitated, his eyes moved under the lids. Her hand automatically worked its way to rest on his shoulder, calming him. "Is he in pain?" she asked Sean.

"No, I don't think so, just sit with him for a while. Call me if he starts to wake up. I'll be outside."

"I will," Lou promised, latching on to Kid's hand, praying that he'd open his eyes. Feeling weak at the sight of him lying there, all the medical equipment hooked to him, beeping with every heartbeat. His veins swollen from the medication. He looked so vulnerable and she knew she wouldn't be able to rest until he had opened his eyes. Just once. She'd be sitting here until it happened, she should have been sitting here all along. She rested her head on the cool sheet at his hand and let the tears flow.

"Lou?" A hand on her shoulder.

"Oh God Jimmy," she cried, "what if I've lost him?"

The sound of scraping as he pulled a chair to her side had her divert her eyes and look at Jimmy. "No Lou, you haven't lost him, he's still here."

"I know Jimmy, but what if his brain is so damaged that he can't remember? How will I be able to help him if I don't know!"

"Don't know what, Lou?"

"Everything about him. Jimmy, please tell me. Tell me that secret you both share. What happened that time, that time the girl died. Who was she? And why are both you and Kid so defensive about it. I need to know what really happened. Coz' I know it's such a big part of you both."

She was mumbling into the sheet and Jimmy laid a hand on the trembling back. "Oh, Lou -."

"Please Jimmy!" Her dark eyes boring into his, the sorrow in them wrenching his guts, he knew he wouldn't be able to keep any secrets from Lou. He should have known that right from the start. She had the right to know and he would tell, for her sake and for Kid's. But most of all for himself.

"You already read about it, I'm sure. The Animal's Rights riots six years ago."

"When all those people got crushed?" Lou's eyes widened.

"Yeah," Jimmy said, the pain of the memories invading him instantly. "Please Lou. Let me finish while I can."

Lou nodded and diverted her eyes back to the Kid. "Go on Jimmy," she said softly.

"Kid had this girlfriend during his sophomore year at the university. She was younger and he took care of her during the first semester, like some kind of a tutor. Guess he was a good caretaker coz' then they started seeing each other. She was involved with a militant group of animal rights activists, doing break-ins and stuff. That's how I met Kid again after all those years, he came to bail her out."

Lou cast a brief glance at him, indicating that she didn't quite follow.

"We grew up in the same neighborhood, the rowdiest one in the southern bi-Cupolas, a neighborhood you never visited if not forced to. We grew up in HellonEarth."

Lou gasped for air in shock, and Jimmy smiled bitterly, that was the normal reaction.

She turned her eyes to him and took his hand. "It's okay Jimmy, go on."

"I was doing an internship at the local Protections Office, and that's when she showed up. Involved in a break-in at the pharmaceutical lab, the rumor was that they were holding dogs in there. The rumor wasn't true and they got busted. She was put on probation and I became her probation officer. I fell in love."

Jimmy looked down on his own hands as they formed fists from the raw emotions raging in him. The anger for what she had gotten involved in, the love he had felt for her, the sorrow that she had left without either of them saying a proper goodbye.  
"I knew it was wrong, I knew I should'a stayed out of it. But she said she loved me. But she needed Kid for the information he had access to, coz of the research he was performing. So she kept seeing him too. Maybe she loved him, I don't know. Maybe she just loved herself and the idea of being a heroine, I just don't know. I kept seeing her, hoping she would leave the Kid and be all mine. I knew he cared for her and he had no idea of our involvement. It felt wrong but in fear of losing her, I chose to keep quiet. And then it all happened."

He had to draw a couple of deep breaths before he continued. He knew he'd see the scenes unfold before his eyes, like they did in his frequent nightmares. Like they did every time something reminded him of what had happened. What he had done.

"There was University baseball tournament, a yearly event. Only this year everything went wrong." He choked on the words. Nearing the crucial point, he wasn't sure he would be able to tell Lou, he wasn't sure he'd be able to form the words so anybody could understand. To him the memories were only a desperate pain, no words strong enough to explain it. Too excruciating to form into words.

Lou squeezed his hand. "Go on Jimmy. It's all right. It's over now, let it all out."

How he loved her for those words, how they opened a part of his soul up, the pain streaming out of him and Lou was there to catch it. Lou was there to hold his hand and let him spill it onto her, relieve himself of the pain and the guilt. Someday he hoped Kid would be able to do the same, tell it all to Lou. Open those old scars and realize he wouldn't bleed to death.

Gratefully he took her hand into his, looking at it while he continued. "The movement had arranged for a protest at the games, just to make themselves heard. Protesting against the money the Universities were putting into the games when they should have been funding the reallocation of the wildlife instead. Kid was on the committee, doing what, I still don't know. It was supposed to be a peaceful protest, outside the arena. I remember like it was yesterday, I spotted Kid, standing outside, handing out promo-slots, laughing and joking with the girls. Marie was nowhere to be seen, I looked for her everywhere, but I couldn't find her. So I walked up to Kid, just standing there by his side, chatting with him, actually helping him hand out the promo's. It seemed like a perfect day. Then we walked inside and sat together, watching the game, the activists too, real peaceful like."

Jimmy swallowed hard and held his breath for a while. Lou squeezed his hand.

"It started from the back, shouting, shots fired, a blood-like substance being thrown at the spectators, causing hysteria. I yelled at the Kid, asking him what the hell was going on, but he was already running up the stairs, shoving people out of his way. Yelling for them to stop. Somebody fired a shot against him and I drew my gun. By then I realized a disaster was in the makings. People started trampling each other, everyone withdrew to the southern part of the arena. I heard the screams when people were being trampled. I saw the mass get pressed into the wall, I knew people were dying. I remember Kid shouting at me to get the Protors to shower the activists with the water canons, but my EA was down, everything was down. We were caught off guard."

Another lengthy pause, Lou's hand lay still in his lap, she hadn't moved a muscle during his tale.

"We reached the upper parts, Kid was hollering to them to stop it. The mass was now moving towards us and I knew we would be crushed. There was no stopping the wave, they were all terrified, I was terrified. One man was standing with his back turned to us, shooting up into the air. And right at his side was Marie, looking at me with big scared eyes. I heard Kid holler at my side, "Damn it Jed, what the hell are you doing?" The man turned and I saw Kid's brother aiming a gun at Kid. The moment froze and I saw like in slow-motion how he aimed at the Kid, and shot!"

Lou gasped for air at his side.

"I answered the fire and killed him, Kid threw himself out of the way, the bullet never touching him. When I understood that I didn't even know if Jed was actually shooting or just using blanks it was too late. I had killed him and I was like stunned. The mass made a sudden shift and the walls and the floor gave in. Kid got up and shoved me out of the way as people stared rolling down the stairs, breaking their necks when they fell. Kid stood and held the killer of his brother safe. I didn't know what to say. Then the crack! Oh God, that awful sound of wood giving in. I lunged for Marie but I missed her. Then I don't remember anything before I woke up in silence."

"Oh God Jimmy," Lou breathed at his side. "What happened then? How did you survive?"

"I woke and found myself stuck between the balks in there, hanging kinda half in the air. Not knowing exactly where I was. I heard Marie sobbing and whimpering, I tried to talk to her. But she didn't answer me, she kept mumbling all these strange things, I heard her mumble even thou' there was a total chaos above me. People started yelling for help. I heard but I couldn't understand. So I hollered for Kid, I could hear somebody dragging himself on the ground and I tried to free myself to get to her. To hold her and ask her where she was hurt. But I just couldn't get loose. And it was so dark in there, pitch dark. Then I heard Kid talk to her, asking her how she was. She cried and told him her head hurt. When Kid started talking to her, soothing her, I understood something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong."

Lou's hand caressed his cheek, drying the tears that rolled down his pale skin.

"That's how I know what to do in these circumstances. Kid told me everything that needed to be done to save her. But we couldn't do it. He told me every step needed to save her life and I was going out of my mind. We could do nothing except wait. Nothing worked. I tried to call for help, but all the lines were scrambled. I tried to get to her but I was stuck. I yelled at Kid, I yelled at the world. I needed to be with her. But no, when it was close to her end, Kid managed to scoot closer, holding Marie in his lap. He told me to take her hand because she was dying. God how I hated him then, I hated him like I'd never hated anyone before. I could have killed him if I still had my gun. I probably would have. I told him to beware, coz I was gonna kill him if we ever got out alive."

He was crying now, but he didn't care. Hot tears ran down his cheek, his voice cracked but he couldn't stop talking.

"She died there, while I held her hand. We had been there for hours already and it was all too late. I tried to talk to her, I tried to call her back. Tell her to hold on. But she just went and died on me. And I had all these questions I still need to ask her. Have all these damned questions that nobody but her can answer, but she's gone. If I hadn't shot, if I had stayed cool maybe it would have saved her. Maybe it would have saved Jed, maybe it would have saved us all!"

Lou rose and enfolded him in her arms, rocking him like a child. Stroking his hair and hugging him, telling him it wasn't his fault. That it was nobody's fault. That everything was all right. Jimmy enveloped her in his arms, hugging her close. Grateful she didn't shy away from him, but knowing there was more to tell. His guilt didn't end here. There was so much more.

"It's okay Jimmy, let it all out. I'm here."

"But Lou," Jimmy choked. "After the hearing. after we all had been cleared, even Kid. And he was under strong suspicions. I know they held him for weeks. But he too was cleared...but I....I went and beat Kid half to death. And he didn't even hit back! I beat him into a bloody pulp and he just took it. I yelled at him that it was all his fault, he had been with the organizing committee, he should have known about their plans. He should have stopped it. The more I hit and the less reaction I got from him, the angrier I got. I beat him until he was unconscious...then...then...Oh God Lou. He was my friend, Lou and I hit him till he was unconscious. I took all my anger out on him and the bullhead never even hit me once, he just took it. Like he thought he had it coming. He was comatose and I kept hitting. I'll never forget the feeling when I picked him up by the collar, all limp. Like Marie. All the way to the hospital I felt sick, I felt like a murderer. I resigned from the Protection Program that same night. I just walked away. I went to our old neighborhood and wanted somebody to kill me. Or somebody to arrest me. I wanted relief for my guilt, any relief."

Lou had sunken into his lap, looking at him, tears streaming from her eyes. "Oh God Jimmy, why didn't the two of you ever tell me? Why did you walk around with all this hurt inside? Why Jimmy? Why?"

"Because I promised him."

"Who Jimmy? You promised whom what?"

"I promised the Kid. The damned fool had cocked up a lie about being robbed and that I saved his life. I think I even got a medal for it, I tried to tell them it wasn't so but no, they believed him. He told them I had hurt my head at the occasion and didn't remember how it went by. And those damned bastards believed him! Suddenly I was a hero, I hated him for that too. You see, he came looking for me, he came back home and dragged me outta there. Told me that I'd have to go through what he went though every day, and would for the rest of his life. He had always been the one wanting to take it slow, the legal way. Wanting to raise awareness instead of direct action. Jed and Marie didn't agree, they felt it was taking too long. So he found me there, months after I resigned. He found me all drunk and high on God knows what, he dragged me outta there and made me promise to never utter a word of it to anybody. He made me promise a lot of things. He told me he wasn't gonna let me kill myself, he was going to see to it I stayed alive and lived the same misery he did, everyday. And I knew that he was blaming himself, but I didn't set him straight. Felt good to have him blame himself, it kind of lessened my own pain. Like we were brothers in despair and pain. So I promised and we swore to never be in touch again, we swore to forget we ever met. Swore to forget everything. Then we both ended up here."

"Oh God Jimmy, I'm so sorry. For both you and the Kid, I'm so sorry it all happened to you. But I remember reading about it, it wasn't either of you causing it. There was nothing anybody could have done. It was just a combination of bad things happening all at once."

"Yes," Jimmy sighed, "I am a bad thing happening."

There was a moan from the stretcher. A moan that sounded like "no". They both turned at the faint sound Lou instinctively grabbed Jimmy harder, clutching him. Trembling as her attention turned to the Kid.

"Kid?" Jimmy asked, "Kid, you okay?"

Lou rose from his lap with one swift move and rushed to Kid's side, clasping his hand in hers, calling his name. Jimmy watched him move on the stretcher, the first time he moved by himself since that day in the ASA.

Lou's pallor increased at the sight of Kid's uneasiness. She clasped his hand into hers. "Kid?" Her voice barely audible.

Jimmy rose and entwined his arm around her waist, afraid she'd fall down, turning to look at the Kid, he too noticed his increased discomfort. "Lou, I think we should..."

He stopped talking as Lou caressed his friend's cheek and the eyelids fluttered. Then Kid opened his eyes into a crack. A faint smile as his eyes fell on Lou.

"Sweetie," Lou mumbled, her voice so tiny. Relief, joy and fear, all tangled into the endearment.

Then Kid looked at the hand resting around Lou's waist, his half-closed eyes darting to Jimmy. Jimmy smiled at him, "High time you woke up!"

But Kid didn't smile this time, perplexed Jimmy noticed his ardent stare on him. With that same gaze he remembered from the time he'd beat him senseless. That gaze of bottomless despair, defeat and disbelief. That look of nothing left to lose.  
A red light on the panel started blinking and Jimmy diverted his eyes to look at the cause. Kid's blood-pressure was rising to alarming numbers, cold sweat breaking out on his front. "What's wrong Kid?" Automatically Jimmy reached for the alarm-button, pressing it while trying to understand what was going on.

Kid just looked at him, the expression in his gaze worse than any blow he had ever received from the Kid. "What the fuck is wrong?" Jimmy asked once again, but he knew he wouldn't get any answer.

Another light appeared, showing that medication was administered automatically.

Kid closed his eyes and groaned. His left hand grabbing for support as he tried to get up from the bed.

"No Kid!" Lou shushed him, "you can't get up. What's wrong, Kid?"

"Go, just go!" Kid grunted. Trying to get away from Lou's hand that held him down.

"What?" Lou looked at him, but he held his eyes closed. Then she turned to Jimmy and the hurt in the brown orbs had Jimmy wish Kid was all right so he could whack him for that statement. Jimmy recognized that tone of voice, that tone of dismissal. Kid had used it on him too, and it made you feel like you were nothing at all. Less than dirt.

But Noah intervened. With rapid steps he walked to the stretcher, looking at the monitors as he approached. "You awake Kid?"

"Go away," Kid mumbled, "go."

Noah looked perplexed at him, then to Jimmy and Lou, bewilderment and shock making them both paralyzed. Noah nodded in their direction, telling them to do what Kid asked. Jimmy steered a shocked Lou out of the room. "Come on. Let Noah check him out!" He felt the tension in her body, the shock. "Please Lou."

He managed to maneuver her out of the room, casting a last glance at Noah inside, obviously talking to Kid, shaking his head at something Kid said, looking in their direction. Jimmy closed the door and held on to Lou.

"I did lose him, didn't I?" Lou stated, defeated.

Jimmy held on to Lou and rocked her in his lap. Kid must once again had gotten everything wrong, he must have seen the two standing close and immediately gotten it all wrong. Just so like him, jumping to conclusions, at least when it came to Lou. Hurting her once again. Jimmy had no idea what to say to comfort her, no idea whatsoever, but he needed to talk to the Kid. This time he would most definitely set him straight.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dendrition - The part of the neurons that ends in the synaptical cleft, the collegaments of the network in the brain. memory may be stored in the dendrites and the synaptical cleft, here I assume that restoring the dendrites will restore the memories too, thanks to the reastablishing of the neurotransmittor patterns stored in each neuron. I bet it won't be that easy when and if we finally figure it ou
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Lou's nails dug into Jimmy's arm as Noah stepped out of the sickbay. Jimmy noticed her breathing labored, like it was painful. With a worried gaze in Noah's direction, Jimmy tried to call for his attention. But Noah had already noticed.

"Lou," he called out softly, laying an arm around her shoulders, steering her to a chair by the wall. "He'll be just fine, we just overdid the medication slightly, he woke and had no idea where he was at. He was in shock because we overstimulated the dendrition. He was back in an ugly moment of his life, I don't think he actually even saw you in there, it wasn't you he reacted too, it was memories flooding his visual cortex. Like a hallucination of sorts. Shouldn't have happened, but he's brain activity is more sensitive than we thought. I just gave him an anti-cholinerg substance, it should hold him down. He is still awake, just a little subdued so to say. He might fall asleep later, but he'll be all right."

Lou looked at Noah, her breath shivering. "Are you sure? He looked so...I thought he..."

"He'll be fine Lou, in fact I'm gonna send Jimmy here in to watch him for a while. I need to check you out too, you looked about ready to faint there for a while."

"Hell no!" Lou protested, "I'll go sit with him, I want to go!"

Jimmy smiled gratefully at Noah, wondering if he had read his thoughts. "No Lou. Let Noah check you out. Ya know Kid'll swab the floor with me if he finds out I had you watching over him when you really should be resting."

"Jimmy!"

"Lou, I'll watch him for ya, just let Noah check you out and get some rest. Don't get up until you can stand on your feet without your head swirling!"

"Don't smother me!" Lou growled in his direction.

"She's gettin' better!" Jimmy grinned at Noah.

"Oh yeah, and I'll have her fit for fighting in no time. C'mon Lou!"

Jimmy could still hear Lou wheezing as he opened the door to the sickbay. He dragged a chair to the bedside, watching all the equipment for a while, remembering a time so long ago when he had done exactly the same. For the longest time he tried to figure out how to tell Kid all he needed to say. But they had never talked much, they didn't quite sync in that department. Not with things like this, feelings and stuff. They mostly shot wisecracks at each other or occasionally yelled. Like after the last time he had watched the monitors over Kid's head. The sentence 'I've killed him, I've killed, I've killed him' had kept throbbing in his temples. That time he had really beaten Kid half to death. That time he hadn't uttered a word to Kid, he had just sat there, until the docs came in and told him the Kid would make it. Then he fled. This time he'd tell the Kid everything. Kid deserved as much. He still was the best friend he'd ever had, despite all.

"Hey bro! I'm sorry. I should'a said this years ago but I just couldn't. I guess I've learned to express myself a little better. And it helps you bein' half unconscious too. I'm just telling you this and you better listen; Lou loves you, just as much as you love her. Get that into your thick skull. And nothing will happen to her, heck you're here to protect her, I'm there to protect her. We're all there for her, we're here for you both. I guess I'm sayin' - Kid hell, you're like a brother to me. I want you and Lou to be deliriously happy, I want you to get that family with lots of annoying little brats. I care for her like a sister Kid, that's all. Don't you think I've learned a thing or two too? Hell, look at me, I let Amanda go, and I'm regretting it more every day. Don't make that mistake Kid, I'm telling you this for your own good."

He paused for a while, wondering if the dared thread further into the issue of himself and Lou. Or if that might be too much for the Kid at this instance. He wouldn't probably listen, he'd always been so damned thick headed. And knowing he had lied to Kid before about things like this didn't exactly help him right now. He took one deep breath and decided to spill his heart out, Kid would have to choose for himself to believe him or not.

"I'm not getting in the middle of anything any longer, you gotta believe that. And it wouldn't matter anyhow, Lou's different, she's a lot like you. A one man women, I mean a one woman man...hell, you know what I mean. You and she belong, that's what I'm saying, and if you break her heart, I'll break your goddamned kneecaps! Let go off that damned guilt already, it wasn't our fault, we just happened to be there. She lied and deceived us both, we were just too young and stupid. And you were not your brother's keeper. Whatever Jed did, it wasn't your fault and no, you couldn't have known. I thought I was cursed, I really did, coz' every relationship went sour on me. I guess it was me all along, I made those relationship falter, coz' I was scared. I guess you did exactly the same, you became the monk. Coz' you were scared too. But Kid, out there in the ASA, Lou wouldn't let you die, she'd rather have died herself. She was so scared but she still took that awful thing and saved you. I could tell she was fighting so hard to try and stay calm and rational. But she was frantic Kid, she was scared out of her mind for you. But she still kept her cool and saved you because otherwise, she'd have died too. She just wouldn't give up. Just like you did for her, don't you see? Both out there on the ridge that day, when you held on to her, refusing to let go. I knew then already that it would be the two of you. And then three days ago..."

Jimmy turned to look out the window, feeling guilty for not noticing earlier that his friend had troubles.

"You too must have known something was terribly wrong with you, and still you saw to it that Lou wouldn't feel pain. If that's not belonging, Kid, I don't know what is. I'm telling you here. I'm sorry for not reacting sooner, so sorry. I knew you had trouble, I saw it. I should know you better by now and checked you out. You're so damned thickheaded sometimes. Just know that all your imaginary debts are paid, trust me on that one. You don't owe me, you don't owe the memory, you don't owe anybody anything. Just love her Kid, and most important of all, let her love you too. You deserve that, bro!"

Jimmy looked at the EEG, the lines he couldn't understand still showed movements with every one of his words. But Kid still said nothing and Jimmy couldn't be sure he really heard or understood what he was saying. Jimmy rose to lean over his thickheaded friend.

"All I'm sayin', Kid, is marry her or I'll make you real sorry!"

Kid's eyes flickered and Jimmy could have sworn there was a shadow of a smile. Jimmy grinned, the damned man heard him all right, he was just feigning not to. He lifted his eyes to the screen and saw Amanda standing there. He blinked, surprised. Amanda's lips moved and he saw her utter the word 'Jimmy'. Suddenly he felt the need to be held too, a need for Amanda. He smiled at her and she looked straight at him, her hands pressed against the window separating the rooms.

Never losing eye-contact with her, he patted the frame of the bed at his side awkwardly. "I'm going to get her now so you behave!"

When he opened the door Amanda threw her arms around him. "Oh God Jimmy. I heard it all. How are you?"

Suddenly Jimmy felt all at home. Clutching her close he sighed deeply. "Amanda," was all he got out.

"I know. Jimmy, I know. I'll take care of you now. Don't you worry, I'll be here."

Jimmy buried his face in her hair and let her hold him, he knew she had the strength he lacked right now. And she wasn't faulting him for it.

"I'll go sit with him."

He faintly heard Lou's voice and felt her push past him. Amanda nodded and stroke Jimmy's hair. "It's all right Jimmy, everything is all right."

Jimmy just held on to her and knew she was absolutely right.

 

 

 

Lou tiptoed into the room, afraid to make sudden moves and cause that same awful reaction in Kid as last time. But Kid seemed more restful now, his face less drawn. He seemed to sleep like a baby.

"Kid, honey," she called out softly, brushing a wayward tendril of hair behind his ear. "Jimmy was just telling me what happened to you both. Nothing else, sweetie. I'm so sorry if we hurt you, we never meant to. It's all over now Kid, I'm here with you."

She thought she felt a slight movement in him, but she wasn't sure. His breath had definitely changed, getting shallower.

"Sweetheart, look at me, please. I just want you to open your eyes and look at me."

He moved again, like fighting to emerge.

Lou bent down and kissed his eyelids.

"Lou?"

She smiled as his eyes opened and the blueness enfolded her again. His eyes hazy at first, unfocused and confused. Tears pricked behind her eyelids as their gazes locked and Kid's eyes cleared as they focused on hers. She wanted to tell him she loved him but her throat was so tight. She fought tears while drowning in the gaze, his eyes warming her, making her calm and exited all at once.

"You okay?" Kid finally asked, his voice hoarse.

"I'm fine Kid, you fixed me, remember?" Her voice sounding muffled.

"No," he replied, diverting his eyes. "Not really, I'm sorry.You sure?"

Lou touched his scrubby cheek, waiting for him to look at her again. There was uncertainty in the blue orbs as they hesitantly met hers. He looked so bewildered, so lost. Lou fought the tears. "Yes I'm sure, 'bout a lotta things." Her voice thick with emotion, her eyes threatening to overflow. "You need a shave," she said, trying to cover her emotionality.

His hand slowly coming around her waist, hugging her. "Lou, I'm sorry."

"For what sweetie?"

"Have this feeling I did something wrong, and I...."

She bent down to kiss his lips. "You did nothing wrong sweetheart, nothing at all." Gazing into his eyes, she smiled softly at him, brushing away an unruly lock falling over his forehead. "I love you Kid," she whispered before kissing his cheek. Reveling in the warmth of his skin.

He kissed her back, their lips barely touching, his eyes closing and the strong arm around her waist clasping her close.

"I told him, Kid, I told Sean, finally. I was wrong all this time, I do need you."

He opened his eyes and looked into hers, a pain shadowing the blueness. The shadow of a doubt.

She nodded. "Yeah Kid, as much as I hate to admit to it, I was wrong. I'm ready now, ready to be with you and tell the world about it. Ready to really commit, I'm not afraid anymore."

"Afraid?" Kid whispered. "Of me? I never..."

"No Kid, not afraid of you, afraid of loving and being loved. I wouldn't admit to loving you Kid, coz' I thought loving makes you weak and dependent. Longing makes you feel so frail, vulnerable. Loving means putting somebody else first. You always knew that, honey, I know that, you showed me, but I didn't understand. I'm sorry. Thought it was safer to not love, that I'd be stronger if I didn't let the feelings I have for you surface."

"Lou," Kid said softly, tracing her cheek with his finger.

"I know I was wrong Kid, loving makes you stronger really, it makes you see things differently. I realized that when I saw you lying there, I would have done anything for you, anything. And not because you asked, but because I wanted to, because I needed to. I always thought things would get perfect if somebody loved me unconditionally. But the truth is things fell into place when I started loving you. More than being loved, I needed to love somebody, like I love you."

He looked into her eyes and she leaned in to kiss him anew, she didn't need his declaration of love, she felt it. He really loved her, not because she was perfect or anything. He loved her because she was she, and she really couldn't understand it fully yet. She couldn't understand the reasons behind the strong feelings they shared, but she relished in them. It was safe and promising, excitement and calm, an adventure in a safe harbor, it was she and Kid. Together, something that defied science, instead it dwelled in her being, her need for this man and his for her.

"Kid, will you marry me someday? Let's have kids and everything and let's never let go!"

Kid chuckled, and Lou kissed his lips again. "Don't laugh!" She told him sternly.

"I'm that badly off?" A teasing smile on his lips.

"Huh?" Lou asked in confusion.

"Is this you granting a dying man's last and only wish?"

"I'm warning you, I ain't asking you twice!"

"So this is an official proposal, Lou?"

"Yep!" Lou confirmed, "as official as it gets, dude."

"But the ring," Kid smiled, trying to get up. "I'm an old-fashioned guy you know. And from last time I remember I thought you wanted everything done right, won't that mean I should be..."

Lou pushed him back down. "It's hard for you to get down on your knees right now, thought I'd ask before somebody snatched you away from me."

"Nobody is snatching me anywhere Lou. You know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I already asked you, remember?"

"I'm sorry, I was wrong," Lou admitted. "So? You up for marriage? I'll go get you an engagement ring tomorrow!"

He chuckled in response, ruffling her hair. Shaking his head. Lou's felt her knees about to give away, she was too late, Kid didn't want her. He had changed his mind. He was saying no and she only had herself to blame. She had to look away.

"No need for a ring Lou, as long as I have you."

Looking back at him she noticed the tease in the eyes that captured hers.

"Any day," Kid smiled and cupped her face into his hand, looking at her intently. "Any day, Louise McCloud, any day and everyday."

She wanted to pinch him hard but instead she closed her eyes and kissed him. Avoiding all the tubes around him, she struggled before she got into position to wrap her arms around him and kiss him warmly.

"I don't deserve a woman like you," Kid whispered. "You're so beautiful..."

Lou silenced him with another light kiss on the lips. "And wise," she grinned at him, "don't forget that!"

Kid smiled, "the wisest."

Lou brushed her lips against his again. "And the best cook ever."

"Oh yeah."

Lou chuckled at him, today he'd say anything. "That's my man, you're getting it!"

"Definitely."

"Capable of anything?"

"Of course."

Lou laughed in joy, kissing him lightly each time he got the answer right, getting him to admit to anything and everything. "Lightning is faster than Katy?" She peered at him expectantly.

"Now, that's not..."

Lou leaned in closer to him, pausing with her lips a fraction of an inch above his, her hand on his shoulders keeping him down. Then she kissed him properly, with eyes closed, she kissed him fully, her breath getting caught at the sensation of his tongue touching hers. Retreating as he answered her kiss eagerly. A grunt escaping him as she stopped.

"Lightning is faster than Katy," Kid agreed as his arm clinched her closer.

"No, he ain't," Lou smiled, and kissed him again. This time never retreating as he answered her. Not stopping before the Invitae started signaling an elevated heart rate and Noah stuck his head in through the door and told them to break it up.

Lou smiled down at Kid. "Seems we're busted."

"Let's make sure," Kid said huskily and tried to kiss her. Cursing as he tangled himself into the equipment surrounding him. "Please Lou, help me get rid of all this," he pleaded.

"No Kid," Lou smiled. "I like you tied up like this."

Kid groaned as he let his head fall back down on the pillow.

 

 

 

Rachel watched Noah shake his head at the two inside the room. "Them two are gonna kill each other, mark my words!"

Rachel hooked her arms around his. "Lovin' never killed anyone as far as I know, well not directly...but you know what lack of sleep will do to a man?" She blinked at him.

"Rach!" Noah whispered, "I've never told you but I'm afraid of sleepin' alone." Rubbing his nose tenderly against her cheek, he begged her to join him. "You're just as beat as I am, Rach!"

Rachel just pushed him out of the room, laughing as he tripped over the threshold in his exhaustion.

"Please," he begged again. "Don't feel like being alone right now." He waited for her to walk up to his side, silently begging her to join him, all he needed right now was to hold her tight. He needed to rest with her. Opening the door to his room, he smiled pleadingly, sighing in relief as she shook her head but stepped inside. Closing the door behind them, he threw his arms around her. Their lips closing the distance. The sensation of her in his arms driving the tiredness away.

"Noah," Rachel protested, "sleep! Remember that concept?"

"No," Noah mumbled as he let his lips trail down her neck. "I'm a sick man, I have that ailment we talked about. I need you to cure me immediately. Please make love to me."

"Noah!" Rachel protested, freeing herself from his hold and walking back to the door, leaving him empty-handed in the middle of the floor. "We're probably breaking all the rules of decent behavior according to the HuRec standards in this place already!"

"No," Noah replied softly. "You're just breaking my heart. I'm begging you, please, don't do that."

Rachel stood with her hand on the doorknob, ready to get out of the room. At the sound of his voice, she turned back to watch him. "Noah, I'm too old for you!"

Noah looked absolutely baffled, of all the reasons for Rachel's hesitations this was the last one he'd have guessed. "Is that why you've been avoiding me? Four years are keeping us apart?"

Rachel looked to the floor.

"I like older women," Noah said softly as he walked up to her. "And I'm in love with this old woman." Entwining his arms around her waist, he turned her to face him. "I thought it was because the color of my skin!"

"What?" Rachel looked shocked up at him and he captured her lips.

"Damn you Noah," Rachel panted as his lips found her earlobe, "damn you for thinking like that!"

Noah as too occupied with kissing her to realize she was walking him backwards to the bed.

"I'm robbing a cradle," Rachel whined as she pushed him down.

Noah laughed and reached to pull her with him. "I love you cradle-robbing old woman, just let me show you how much."

Rachel rolled him to his back and opened the buttons of his shirt with her teeth.

"Oh God," was all Noah was able to mumble as he buried his hands into the wild red hair.

 

 

 

Amanda sat at the edge on the bed, watching Jimmy snore slightly. They hadn't said much at all, she had finally gotten some food into him and then to bed. Wrapping the sheets around him like he was a small child, he had protested with a grunt. In that instance she had felt like getting out a storybook and reading him a goodnight story. A story with a happy ending.

He looked so peaceful right now, curled up in bed, nose stuck into the pillow. She loved this side of Jimmy too, the vulnerable side. Contrasting sharply with his masculine outlines. The contrast only making her long more for him. Her poor baby was so beat, she wondered when he had last slept in peace? When she had undressed him for bed he still tried to keep up the facade of the lone ranger, the man who had everything in control. That he didn't need anybody at all, that he was man enough to cope with anything. But he had molten into her hands as´when she hugged him and rocked him in her arms, telling him to get some sleep. Telling him he had nothing to prove to her, asking him to trust her and let her finally take care of him.

She already knew he was man enough, no doubt about that. But now she saw the softer side of him too, and it melted her heart.

Looking down on him, she softly caressed his cheek, he undoubtedly needed a shave, the skin coarse under her fingers. She just had to place a kiss on the slowly pulsating vein on his temple. "Love you Jimmy," she whispered.

She remain looking at him while he slept, the air getting cooler around them as the sun faded outside. The room getting dark. Getting another blanket, she wrapped it around him, smiling to herself at the motherly instincts he awoke in her. Then she kicked off her shoes and eased herself into the bed at his side, careful not to wake him.

Jimmy mumbled and his arm came snuggling around her.

She held her breath until she was sure he was asleep again. Then she let her hand rest on the arm encircling her and smiled.

 

 

She woke at the first light, moving slowly away from Jimmy's hold, she realized neither of them had moved during the night. Looking down at Jimmy, she slid her hand over his cheek, knowing he still needed his sleep. And she needed a shower. And a talk with someone who knew what had happened. She never bothered to tell Jimmy she was here as a HuRec officer too, not only for him. Mostly for him but not only. She still had work to do.

Walking down the stairs, she realized all the others must still be asleep. She didn't want to wake them by taking the shower she so longed for, she'd make herself some cafs and wait for the rest of the inhabitants to wake up.

When she turned the curve into the kitchen she saw Lou sitting at the table, absentmindedly spooning her cafs. Seemingly in another world.

"Lou? What are you doing up in this ungodly hour?"

Lou stirred and the spoon clashed down into the mug. "Amanda?"

"Got some of that for me?"

"Sure," Lou nodded toward the counter. "Help yourself."

With a glance over her shoulder at the woman by the table, Amanda poured herself a substantial dose of the cafs. "How's Kid, Lou?"

"He'll be unhooked today, had a row with Sean about it last night. He's a handful sometimes, won't ever listen to reason."

"So why are you sitting here with that concerned face? He'll be all right Lou, you'll both be just fine." She walked over to sit by Lou's side, sensing sadness in the air. Sadness and trepidation.

"I was just thinking Amanda, thinking about how easily a life can slip away out here. I mean if Jimmy hadn't been there Kid would have died. I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank Jimmy for saving him. He knew straight away what was wrong and I had no clue. Even with all that equipment I really had no idea. It scares me to think how dependent we are all on each other. All this technical stuff can't ever replace a human being. Never."

"I know," Amanda nodded as she sipped the hot beverage. "We still have a lot to learn. About life in particular. I think we're finally understanding that, that all things can't rely on science, there's something more. Something in life itself that defies explanation."

"You talk like Teaspoon," Lou smiled.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Amanda laughed. "Mind you, sometimes I don't understand the man at all."

Lou joined in her laughter and Amanda was relived that the somber mood had lifted. She still needed to know more about the events but she felt like it was too fresh for Lou to touch the subject. All three of them would be needing a debriefing, Rachel would probably take care of that. And HuRec would have to be content with the information from the debriefing. Dragging anything out of Lou at this stage would probably hurt her.

"What are you doing here Amanda? Really."

"Came to see Teaspoon," Amanda replied.

"But that's not all, right?"

"No," Amanda admitted. "I wanted to come home, I needed to come home. And there's a lot of things I have to tell you."

"We're in trouble again," Lou moaned. "hat last chase of ours wasn't really authorized, was it?"

"No," Amanda shook her head, "it's strange really. It was the head of HuRec telling me to forget protocol and go. I mean figure that! She was with me in that bunker when it all happened. I watched you go down. She was just as horrified as I was. I'm sure she needed just as many answers as I did. Then she told me to go. I should have been there and seen it all to its end, I guess but I couldn't stay. I have a feeling she was looking out for you, don't ask me why, something about her told me she really cares. I think she might be coming over, I have a feeling she will. Never happened before as far as I know."

"She was here before too, that time Ike and Kid were in trouble. I don't like her!"

"She seemed really concerned."

Lou looked at Amanda, bewilderment on her face. "Why would she be? I mean, there's a lot of folks like us out here, why is she still pinpointing us? Did she know all along about the scam?"

"I don't know, maybe she took a liking to y'all," Amanda leered.

"Funny way of showing it, having us constantly checked out."  
Lou fingered her EA. "Kid's awake, I'll go check on him."

Amanda had to smile at her as she hurriedly rose from the table and almost ran to the door.  
"You really think so?" she shouted after her.

"What?" Lou turned back to look at her.

"That it is a strange way of showing you really like someone?"

"Shut up," Lou laughed and turned to run up the stairs.

Amanda smiled and sank back into the chair. The old woman was right, there was something special about this group. How closely they were knit, how much they cared. Strangely enough, it rubbed off on anybody meeting them, including her. Suddenly she felt a need to check on Jimmy. She should really take that shower already, but not before she had checked on Jimmy.

Yep, she'd been afflicted too.

 

 

Kid was already sitting up on the stretcher, grimacing as he jerked the I.V. out of his vein.

"What the hell are ya doing, you fool?" Lou lashed out at him as she ran up to his side.

"You promised I'd be freed from all this in the morning," he pouted like a child.

Lou groaned inwardly, the stubborn side in Kid was one she'd almost forgotten about. "After you'd been checked!"

"I'm fine Lou, if I don't get outta here, I'll scream," he muttered and removed the sensors of the EEG, sending the apparatus screaming.

"Shit," he cursed as he realized his mistake. "Should'a shut if off first, right?"

Lou walked over and shut the alarm off, glaring at Kid as she did. "Would'ya calm down already! The bed ain't on fire here."

"What the hell?" A bleary-eyed Rachel appeared in the door, clad in a robe. Still trying to fasten her robe, she glared at the Kid, looking back at her with a rueful, embarrassed smile. Sitting on the edge of the bed, looking wery much alive.  
"Jesus Christ Kid! You scared us stiff!" Turning back she shouted: "it's all right, he's just gettin' up, the fool."

Noah appeared right behind her and rested his head up against the doorframe with a heartfelt moan of relief.

Both Lou and Kid remain staring at the two in the door, half-dressed and flushed.

"Oh oh," Lou remarked with a low whistle as it dawned on her what it was all about. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to interrupt you at anything important, Kid here was just anxious to get up." Kid let out a snort of laughter behind her back, Lou pinched his thigh, having him frown.  
"It's all right, you can go back to....whatever... both of you," she giggled at the faces they made. "I'll see to it the Kid gets up all right, no worries."

"I bet you will," Rachel said, suddenly finding her composure. Leering at Lou, she continued casually, "but before you go off doing...whatever....you intend to do, let's check that Kid'll be able to perform, shall we?"

"W-What?" Kid stammered.

"Prove that you can walk before you start to run man," Noah explained innocently. "What were you thinking?"

Lou looked to the floor to hide her flushing cheeks, she should have learned by now not to get into the innuendo-game with Rachel and Noah. She had barely time to grab onto Kid as he flung himself off the bed, swaying visibly and leaning back onto the stretcher for support.

"Kid?" Watching his face she noticed pearls of sweat forming on the front. "Kid, they're right, get back into bed, you just can't do it yet."

"I'm fine, Lou, just not used to this vertical position is all." Leaning in to kiss her quickly on the lips, he smiled at her.

Rachel and Noah let out a laugh.

"Nope, I'd say he can't do it, not in the vertical position, maybe the horizontal one would suit him better right now, what 'ya say Noah?" Rachel's voice devilish in it's feigned innocence.

"Horizontal is better, I'd definitely recommend a horizontal position. Comes to mind, I always recommend a horizontal position."

"I bet you do," Lou shot back, knowing she was on the losing end. In these cases they wouldn't be able to utter a word without having Noah and Rachel finding something to leer at. "Can you walk?" she asked Kid at her side, needing to get out of here as soon as possible.

"Betting, there's an idea!" Noah said gleefully. "How about you Rachel, you in, will he be able to do or won't he?"

Rachel let out an impish giggle. "I don't think he'll have any say in the matter, you heard Lou say she'd see to it he got up all right.".

Lou rolled her eyes and entwined her arm around Kid's waist, steadying him as he walked. He was trembling and Lou looked up at him, afraid he was still feeling faint. Kid looked back at her, his eyes glittering of withheld laughter. Lou demonstratively slammed the door shut behind them.

"Oh God," Kid chuckled, "did we have to open that can of worms?"

"I couldn't help myself, " Lou giggled. "Did you see their faces when they walked in?"

"If didn't owe Noah, I'd let him have it too," Kid laughed and slid out of her hold. "Hold on Lou, I gotta take a shower, go get some breakfast, I'll be down soon."

"Whoa! Hold on a minute, you're getting a shower and then you're getting into you own bed! I'll come with breakfast for us both, then I'll read you a nice article from Veterinary Medicine, that's all the excitement you'll have today dude!"

"But Lou...."

"Oh hell, I guarantee you, Katy is just fine." She mumbled as she pushed him into the bathroom, decisively steering him to the shower cubicle. "I've personally given Her Majesty updates on your condition. Her Majesty has been brushed and combed everyday, I can assure you. She was even bathed yesterday, since Her Majesty decided to take a roll in the dirtiest part of the corral. No need to go down cuddling her, she understands!"  
Watching the corner of Kid's mouth twitch in merriment, she glared at him. "I can assure you she is much more understanding than I will be if you make any attempt of nearing the barn!"

Kid smiled broadly as he was pushed into the cubicle. "Her Majesty, huh? I love it when you get jealous."

"Oh, shut up Kid, and get undressed, I'll help you wash."

"Now hold on Lou," Kid protested. "I don't think it's proper ...."

"I love it when you get shy," Lou grinned back at him, closing the door behind them. "I'll just see to it you're all right Kid, you shouldn't even be up."  
Removing her blouse, she threw it over the wall. Kid looked at her with wide eyes. "And don't worry, we're still vertical, I won't make any demands." Already sliding out of her pants, she caught Kid's eyes. ""What?"

"I might make demands," he whispered to her and slid his arms around her.

Lou flicked the water on, causing Kid to gasp for air.

"I don't think so," Lou smiled angelically.


	41. Chapter 41

It felt surreal, like an entire lifetime had passed in a couple of days, like they had all been reminded of the immense frailty of every existence. The frailty of friendship and the time lost because of stupid pride and pigheadedness. He lay there. Staring at the ceiling, Amanda's even, calm breaths bringing him comfort. Was it really this easy? Was it really true, that no man could survive as an island, that everybody was part of something bigger? Something that dragged you in even if you tried your damnedest to fight it? His mind whirled with questions and flashbacks, answers and conflicting emotions. He finally was able to think back on that awful day he had lost Marie, the day that had been so close to the surface, breaking through and laming him occasionally. He finally saw it, remembered it and there was nothing but an immense sadness. He had lifted that gun and killed Kid's brother, he hadn't been able to hold Marie when she died. But Kid had and he was forever grateful for that. Even though Kid must have hated them both at that instance, he was there for them. He had been there for him too, coming to get him out of the pit he had dug for himself. He had hated him at first, then he had felt guilty about being saved. Kid had been a constant reminder of that guilt. But now he knew it wasn't like that, that was what you did when someone was in danger, you tried your damnedest to save them. He had been hard to save back then, just because he simply didn't want to be saved. Kid had done his best and pushed the right buttons. He was darned good at that, they both knew each other far too well. Like brothers. Kid had once said it himself, Jimmy was more like a brother to him than Jed ever was.

Jimmy smiled involuntary at the memories of them growing up together, mostly at odds but always looking out for each other. They were probably the most unlikely friends there ever was. Now he was able to look back on those days and smile at the memories. They didn't remind him of what had happened any more, he had regained his past. The good and the bad.

And if Lou and him hadn't been able to help Kid out in that ASA? He had no idea what that would have brought. He didn't feel like a hero, he felt nothing but gratitude. He didn't expect thanks or anything. Kid was alive, Lou was happy and so was he. His friend was back and with that the awful memories of that day had become clearer and less threatening. Easier to handle. Life still went on, it had to. And he was glad he still was part of it. It felt like he was granted a chance to start over. And this time he would get it right.

Amanda groaned at his side, elbowing him accidentally. Jimmy smiled and scooted closer.

"What time is it?" she mumbled groggily.

"Go back to sleep," Jimmy whispered, "it's 5 a.m."

Amanda rose to her elbows, looking down into his face. "Can't sleep?"

"I'm fine Manda," he replied truthfully, "I was just thinking."

"'Bout what?" she wondered.

"You, me, Kid and Lou," he grinned, "Sam and Teaspoon, Sweetwater, this time and age, how it all connects, how we all connect."

Amanda wrinkled her brow, peering at him with blurred eyes.

"I'm just grateful Manda," Jimmy continued, "I'm grateful we're all here safe. That we ever met, that we were given the possibility. That you came back."

Amanda chuckled and let her head fall onto his chest; "Oh shut up Jimmy and get some sleep!"

Jimmy smiled in the dark, that was Amanda all right, and he loved her for it.

 

 

Lou opened her eyes and looked into the darkness of the room. For a moment she didn't remember where she was at and why she was here? The presence at her side alerting her to turn her head and let her eyes fall on the man at her side, his head buried in the pillow. For a moment she thought he was dead, the certainty just filled her and she was afraid to move. The image of him on the ASA floor, his face a sickly gray, haunted her. It brought her back to that moment when he stopped breathing completely, one last labored breath and there was nothing. Then Jimmy started pumping air into him but she knew he was essentially dead. He didn't breathe by himself any longer. And she was helpless.

The memory petrified her, her own breath coming faster, her body tensing.

Then he moved.

"Lou?"

She didn't find her voice at first, the conviction that he was lying there at her side, dead, was so strong she thought she was imagining him moving.

"You okay Lou?" He asked, scooting closer to her, watching her concerned.

"I'm fine," Lou got out, "I'm just fine."

"You sure, sweetie?" He extended his hand to brush the hair out of her face. She turned her face away from him not to let him see how scared she was, how she had been assaulted by this uncontrollable fear that he was gone. She didn't want to let him see how it had affected her, she needed to be strong for him now. He shouldn't have to take care of a weeping wreck.   
"Just tired," she mumbled and turned to her stomach, hiding her face in the pillow, her breath finally getting slower enabling her to get air into her lungs.

"Lou?" He stroke her back, "what's wrong?"

She couldn't fool him, she never had been able to. But it was over now, the scare was dissipating.

"Just a nightmare, Kid," she spoke into the pillow, "I dreamed I was riding Lightning and he ran without control. Got scared, that's all." She couldn't tell him she saw him dead in her bed, now could she? Even when she was awake the images assaulted her. Not only in her dreams any more. She needed to be strong for him, no, she needed to be strong for herself.

"So what happened? Did you finally get him to stop?" Kid asked, close to her ear, his thumb tenderly massaging her temple.

"No, I woke just when he was about to jump off a cliff," Lou smiled slightly, turning to face Kid. She had had that dream too, she was sure of it, the night had been full of them. One more frightening than the other.

"I'm so sorry, Lou," Kid mumbled and kissed her nose, moving even closer to embrace her.

She slid out of bed; "We gotta go Kid, it's time for breakfast."

"Hang on Lou," reaching for her, he took a hold of her wrist. "Breakfast will wait."

"No it won't Kid," she stated, shaking herself loose. Almost falling out of bed in her hurry. "I'll bring some up for you if you don't feel like coming down. You just rest..."

"What's up, Lou?" He threw his legs over the edge, the sheet making him almost topple head first out of bed. Then he groaned and fell back on his back onto the bed, grunting while trying to free himself from the covers.

That simple peril and his low moan when realizing he was effectively stuck, made Lou's heart skip a beat. She gathered her clothes and slid out of the room. "Gotta take a shower ," she told the stunned man following her with his eyes.

She stopped inside the shower room, leaning up against the wall and taking a deep breath. Her hands trembled.

 

 

For the first time in weeks, they were all seated around the table for breakfast. It was almost solemn. Even Cody had the common sense to stay quiet and enjoy the togetherness. Everybody was fine and alive. Amanda had returned. Jimmy sat by her side, a smile on his face. Like he had made peace with himself. Lou smiled at him over the table before sliding down to sit by his side. They all greeted her, smiles on their faces. Relief and gratitude expressed in low chuckles and easy banter.

A rumble and a mumble was heard from the top of the stairs. Everybody's eyes flew to the location, the mood turning pensive and hesitant. Like they didn't know what to expect..

"He all right?" Noah asked silently, his eyes looking over her face, like searching for alarming signs.

Kid came down, combing his still wet hair with his fingers. Noah threw Lou a glance, admonishing her for not staying with him, she gathered.

"He's fine," she said.

"Huh?" Kid asked, reaching the table. Getting no answer out of Lou, he inched himself to her side, making her scoot closer to Jimmy. "Mornin' evr'body," Kid mumbled politely, his eyes roaming the room, looking for clues to the silence.

They all let out a collective sigh of relief and Amanda giggled; "Walked into a door or something up there, Kid?"

"Somebody forgot their running shoes right in my path," Kid grinned amicably at her, "namely him!" He looked pointedly at Jimmy who groaned; "I thought my feet felt cold!"

Teaspoon gruffed at the end of the table; "I almost fell on my face over them too."

"And you couldn't move then out of the way?" Rachel pointed out sarcastically.

"Who me?" Teaspoon looked up in her direction, innocence revealed.

"Of curse not," Rachel sighed and Emma laughed while Amanda moaned demonstratively. Making Lou smile too, at the instant bonding of women trying to understand men and their peculiar one-task-at-the-time mode to operate.

Wisecracks were shot over the table. Finally the usual clatter of forks and spoons had returned. Emma appeared at their side with the cafs pot ready, ruffling Lou's hair affectionately while pouring them a cup each.

Cody reached over and grabbed the casserole, digging deep inside it to get a sturdy amount of oatmeal.

"Let me guess," Kid started. "Jimmy made the porridge?" He smiled and nodded toward the casserole, the porridge was undoubtedly rather thick and gluey.

Jimmy shot Kid one of his deadly glares.

"Just for that Kid," Rachel responded, "you'll get a extra large portion."

"He can have mine too," Buck groaned.

"Thank you Rachel, but I think I'll donate mine to Cody," Kid offered, smiling as he watched Cody dig into the meal. A lump of yellow butter and half a gallon of milk competing for space on the plate.

"Know what," Jimmy laughed, "I think we're all grown out of oatmeal. 'Cept Cody, he'll eat anything he ain't cooked himself."

"Or you've cooked," Kid teased, winking at Lou.

"Put a lid on it Kid," Jimmy responded benevolently.

Subconsciously Lou held her eyes on Kid, not all convinced he was all right. She couldn't quite relax, she kept waiting for him to do something that would prove he had a brain-lesion, something that wasn't all right.

Kid must have noticed the subtle scrutiny he was under. He fumbled a little too much when he moved the glass for Emma to fill it. Lou held her eyes on his hand as it moved the glass to the side. It wobbled slightly and Lou threw him a concerned gaze.

Self-consciously he put it to rest on the table, visibly bothered as her eyes followed his every move.

Emma laid a hand on his shoulder while filling the glass. Lou took a piece of bread and smeared it thickly with butter before placing it on his plate.

Jimmy chuckled and Kid looked long at Lou. "I'm fine, really."

"The tables have turned, haven't they, Lou?" Jimmy grinned.

"Jimmy," Lou grunted, stopping guilty when she found herself filling Kid's cafs mug with milk, like if he was unable to do it himself.

"I think we've woken the mother hen in Louise," Teaspoon chuckled.

Lou blushed.

"Who'd a thunken," Cody chirped happily while snatching two pieces of bread from the basket.

"If we only could awaken the decency in William F Cody we'd have it made," Amanda laughed. "Save me some of the rolls Cody, I saw you, you already had two!"

"Did not!"

"Somehow the crumbles on your shirtfront tell me otherwise," Buck pointed out.

Cody looked down and conceitedly wiped his newly ironed impeccably white shirt.

"Don't mock my stylish appearance, I'm celebrating the fact that we won!"

"Won?" Amanda said, arching her left eyebrow, "won what?"

"Well the good triumphed over the evil, didn't it?" Cody leered.

"I hope he's not referring to himself as the 'good'?" Sam chuckled at the other end of the table.

"Whoo hoo," Kid interrupted, "would somebody lay all this to me in laymen's terms?"

"Amanda, tell them, they've been more or less out of mission - so to say," Teaspoon urged.

Amanda leaned over the table with a conspiring look on her face. "We got 'em!"

"Got who?" Kid asked.

"Longley and his gang, the HuRec second in command and his helpers, we got them all."

Lou looked at Amanda. "So it's all true then, the cloning, everything?"

"Yep," Amanda nodded, seems that about fifty somewhat years ago they discovered an old photograph and a diary. That would be your diary, Lou, and the photograph is from Kid's and your wedding. They lifted a lot of particles of that diary and photo. Then it just grew from there, everyone that had been in touch with the Pony Express left some small trace somewhere, somehow. Got a small database of genomes from it. Then it just went on and on and on, initially they cloned people from that era. Or from the place, mostly Sweetwater and some place called Rock Creek. The more old genomes they found the more eager they got, they cloned 450.000 in all, from all over the place."

"A quarter of a million?" Lou asked astonished.

"And that was in the first wave, then they cloned another million." Amanda nodded. "But it was a small batch of the clones that were of interest, namely 15 in all. The lot of you, Emily and some other names I don't even recognize."

"Special interest?" Kid asked.

"You were all singled out by that man, Igraim, he saw to it that our lives were molded like he wanted too. He killed most of our parents to ensure a similar upbringing to our clonads. He manipulated events by bribing and coercing people. And to finance all this, he sold clones to non approved parental candidates."

"So you mean there can be another me out there?" Lou asked appalled.

"No, there's the database that ensures that, that's why they started killing people. Longley and Ingram split for some reason and Longely started a venture of his own. A fresh cloning sample brings in around ten million."' Amanda smiled a side.looped smile, shaking her head.

"And HuRec didn't know?" Jimmy snorted. "You don't buy that, do you? 'Course they knew!"

"Some knew, "Amanda admitted, "some went along happily thanks to the cash flow. Others had no clue."

"But why?" Ike asked, "why all this manipulating and fabricating?"

"He wanted his name up with the famous scientists," Amanda spoke with disgust, "he wanted to be the one that settled the age old argument of nature versus nurture. And he had it all set up, it was almost perfect. But then Longley wanted more and the rest is history. Longley got too greedy and they lost it all."

"So it's finally cleared up? All of it?" Cody questioned.

"Who knows if all ever will be found out," Teaspoon replied, "it's been going on for ages. I don't think we'll ever know the full truth."

"I wish they still had the death penalty," Jimmy remarked. "I'd even consider executing them myself if I ever get my hands on them."

"Death is easier than living with regrets," Kid said silently. "You outta know that, Jimmy."

An uneasy silence grew around the table, all the attention back on the Kid. He mumbled and looked down into his plate. Lou extended a hand and laid on on his arm. She still had a lot of questions, but she was confident they would be answered in time.

"Let's open the Bordeaux," Sam shattered the silence. "We should celebrate. We have a lot to be thankful for."

"I concur," Cody was the first to take up the offer, "let's get blasted!"

Ike shook his head and grinned.

"Hey! I'd wipe that smirk off my face if I was you and tell the good news!" Cody swirled the butter knife around in a enticing gesture.

"What news?" Noah looked up, his eyes wandering from Cody to Ike and then back again.

"He's gettin' hitched," Buck informed them. "He popped the question and Emily's taken upon her to save his poor soul and come out here too. I'm gonna miss the card playing nights."

"You're gettin' married?" Lou looked over at him. "Really?"

"It's about time too," Cody stated absentmindedly. "I'm looking forward to have a namesake."

"You?" Buck protested, "that little one's gonna carry my name."

"Well," Kid intervened, "if memory serves me right Ike promised to name the firstborn after me if we ever got out of that strontium thing."

"What?" Jimmy put in, "if it's a girl? You want the poor child to be named what? Kidina?"  
There was a burst of laughter around the table.

Kid glared over the table at Jimmy. "No I was thinking more like something like Josephine."

"Josephine?" Ike groaned, "Kid please, get some of your own if you wanna punish them like that!"

"I think it's beautiful," Lou said. "I like the name."

"So what's stopping you?" Jimmy laughed.

"How-mmm m-about commom mmm-decency?" Cody pointed out with his mouth full of his fifth bread roll.

Then they all had to turn to Ike and pat his back to save him from the crumble of bread that was stuck in his windpipe.

 

 

"I gotta go check the horses," Kid announced when they cleared the table.

"The horses?" Buck grinned "You mean **the** horse, don't you?"

Jimmy laughed wholeheartedly at Kid's glare. "Her Majesty as Lou calls Madam Katy, suits her perfectly."

"As I hear she's been bathed and brushed, cuddled and pampered, it's likely she didn't miss you at all," Amanda chimed in. "That prissy little mare, she snorted at the oats I offered last night, very rude."

"See, he hasn't had a conversation with Her Majesty in days," Noah grinned, "he..."

"..is lacking the intellectual stimulation," Cody filled in. "And while you're at it, Doolittle, would you have a talk with Belle too, she's gettin' a bit hard to handle."

"And who's fault is that?" Ike asked with a talkative glance at the former speaker.

"Yeah Cody," Jimmy said, "I told you not to school her with Emma's bread rolls, she's addicted."

"And if she gets another stomach ache I'm not tending to her, " Buck muttered, "I spent three hours trying to get that medicine into her."

"Should'a put it in a bread roll," Cody leered.

"Yeah, that's right Cody, fight evil with evil?" Amanda quipped. "In your case that would mean you'd be responsible for the kitchen region, that evil enough for you?"

"Now boys and girls," Emma warned from the counter. "Stop teasin' 'im or I'll personally see to it that you get double duty in the kitchen. And get out! There's still chores to be done."

"Yes Ma'am," Cody bowed in Emma's direction.

"Now hold on Billy," Rachel protested. "The vacuum-cleaner is dying for your company."

"Aww, Rach!"

"Scoot all of ya!" Sam ordered, "you're giving me a headache."

"Poor baby, " Emma replied, "guess that leaves you in charge of chasing the dust. Happy hunting."

They all filed out, laughing silently at Sam's long face as he stood in the middle of the kitchen floor, a damp rag in his left hand and his mouth agape.

Teaspoon sat at the end of the table, laughing.

Lou smiled at the scene, sticking her hand into Kid's awaiting one when she stepped out into the cool air. They all stood there for a moment, breathing the high, clear, nipping cold air, watching the bleak sun as it rose over the treetops. They didn't need words at this specific moment, being together and alive was enough. Staying out on that porch and watching the sun bath the nature was more than they had hoped for in the last days. Cody deliberately stood swaying on the plank they all knew squeaked every time it was stepped on.

With smiles at each other, they all recognized their bond, bonds that reached further back than they were able to conceive. Buck and Ike headed for the stables, Cody sighing deeply as he walked over to the hen house.

Kid just stood there, breathing deeply. Looking perfectly happy. Lou looked up at him, squeezing his hand slightly.

"You ain't going riding, ya hear," she told him adamantly. "You can visit but that's all."

"You got a new boss, Kid," Jimmy grinned.

"I don't think he minds," Amanda giggled. "I think he's the kind of man who loves a woman bossing him."

"Manda," Kid smiled at her, tilting his head. "You know what? Jimmy's right, you're cute."

"What?" Amanda took one step up to Kid. "He told you?"

"Jimmy tells me everything," Kid nodded seriously. "Every little detail."

"What?" Amanda turned to Jimmy furious. "You sicko!"

"Amanda," Kid leaned in on her, grinning from ear to ear. "I heard Teaspoon call you Manda, and a blind man can tell Jimmy's smitten, doesn't take much to put the rest together. But now I dying to know, them details must be interesting."

"Shut up!" Amanda laughed and swatted at him. "You're dreadful!"

Kid stepped back and let go off Lou's hand, chuckling. "Take back what you said about Katy or the whole base's gonna know. That is if they don't already."

Amanda let out a sound between a growl and a wheeze and took a leap to attack him. Kid turned on his heels and ran.

"Just don't hit his head," Lou mumbled, starting after them. She hated to admit it, but she still was worried, far more worried than she had ever been before in her life. It was closer to fear than mere worry.

Jimmy laughed behind her and took two long steps to reach up to her. "He'll be fine, Lou. Manda barks worse than she bites."

Lou crossed her arms over her chest while walking briskly to the barn. A sudden chill had taken over her. Jimmy's arm around her shoulders didn't help. Those images of Kid on the floor - lifeless - kept intruding, keeping her on her toes. She shrugged.

"You all right, Lou?" Jimmy asked.

"Fine," she lied. "A bit cold, that's all."

Jimmy's silence told her he didn't believe her. But she didn't feel like telling him, it would pass, she was just being stupid. After all that had happened, nothing else ever would, it just couldn't. There must be some limit to what can happen, wasn't there?

She mastered a smile when Kid took her hand anew, dragging her along. Bowing to scoop the cat up in his lap and saluting the tabby with an affectionate ruffling of the streaked fur just as Katy stuck her head out of the stall and nickered in delight. She smiled at the commotion he caused in the stable, the cat crawling up on his shoulder, digging its claws into the coat and purring loudly. Katy scraping her front hoof against the floor and whinnying softly at the sight of her master. He opened the stall door and dragged Lou inside the mare's stall, stroking Katy's neck affectionately. The cat on his shoulder arching its back and leaning up against his head while trampling in ecstasy. Katy leaning her head on his free shoulder.

Lou turned to watch him, surrounded with the animals he loved. Kid looked at her, snuggling her closer to him, his radiant smile telling her how immensely happy he was right now.

She leaned against him and closed her eyes. There must be a limit.

 

 

"So when's the wedding?" Buck asked as he let the corn fall into the bucket, the hen cackling loudly around his feet, showing no respect whatsoever. "And where's the vitamin or whatever that greenish stuff is?"

"Huh?" Ike appeared with the basket of fresh eggs tucked under his arms."I have no idea, ask Cody."

"About the wedding?" Buck grinned wickedly.

Ike smiled and shook his head. "You're starting to act like him, you know, never taking anything seriously."

"It's you that's dodging my questions Ike, and please get me a scoop of that, whatever it is in the sack over in the corner."

Ike turned to watch where Buck was pointing.

"And would you please hurry, I think they're about to start devouring my sneakers."

Ike took his sweet time while he walked up to the feedbag, fumbling inside it for a moment before finding the measure. Then he lifted it up into the air and controlled one last time that it was the exact measure. The hen crawled around Buck's feet, occasionally attaching each other furiously.

"You know Buck," Ike said as he came sauntering towards him. "That fighting around your feet, it reminds me of something else."

"They wouldn't be fighting if you'd get over here," Buck muttered.

"Uh huh," Ike finally got close enough to empty the feed into the bucket. Buck swirled it around vigorously to mix it with the corn. As he poured it onto the floor, the hen vanished with high-pitched squabbles.

"Don't start on me Ike," Buck said. "I know what you're getting at but look at them. When they get what they want they're gone, everyone of them."

"You just pick the wrong ones," Ike said softly.

"Not all of us are as lucky as you, bro." Buck replied.

"When the right one comes along you'll know Buck," Ike smiled sheepishly. "Just like I did."

Buck shook his head at the grin on Ike's face, somehow it felt like he was losing his best friend.


	42. Chapter 42

"You sure you got everything, Jimmy?" Kid asked over Katy's back while tightening the cinch.

Jimmy groaned in reply and Lou smiled, wrapping her coat tighter, shivering from the cold.

"Go back inside Lou," Kid told her, getting a smirk in reply. "You'll freeze your sweet butt off in this weather." He whispered to her, passing her on his way to the saddlebags on the porch. "Please Lou," he pleaded on his way back, stopping in front of her. "Go inside."

'No.' she pouted, she wanted to see them off. Still miffed at them for not letting her join them like she wanted to. It sounded like an adventure, riding out to make a visual count of the buffalo was something she wanted to do. It wasn't fair to send Kid and Jimmy out, they always had all the fun. And Kid shouldn't be out there yet, he should be...a drop of cold rain landed on her nose and broke her line of thoughts. She peered up into the heavy sky.

"Wonderful," Jimmy groaned out loud.

Kid chuckled and stepped up to Lou. "It won't be any fun Lou, I guarantee you. It's work that's all." His words sharply contradicted the expression on his face. He didn't care if it was raining. She could tell that, he was smiling happily, eager to get out there, he was doing what he loved the most, out in the wild.

"I asked Buck to go with you to the Aldens," Kid continued, "the roads might get slippery in this kind of weather, take it easy will ya? Just don't go breaking any legs, all right? And put some more clothes on Lou, please."

She rolled her eyes at his ludicrous protectiveness. "Oh Lord," she moaned.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I know, I know, you're fully capable of...."

"Someone's coming," Jimmy interrupted them. "Looks like Matt and he's riding fast."

The sound of a horse approaching made them all turn in the direction of the sound.

"I wonder what he's got?" Lou said, catching the glimpse of the postal worker's brilliant red coverall. The wind picked up and she crossed her arms over her chest, trying to stay warn.

Kid stepped up behind her and draped his arms around her. "You're freezing, can't you wait inside?"

He was warm and the second she felt him close to her something happened, she panicked. The feeling had been growing day by day. She was afraid to let him out of her sight but panicked the minute he got too close. She stiffened in his hold, feeling ashamed over her own reactions. It was like her body reacted to his with pure panic and she didn't know why. She wanted and loved him but her body wouldn't let her touch him. And Kid noticed it too, his arms around her waist immediately loosened the grip when he felt her stiffen. And it wasn't the first time. She didn't know what to say when she pried herself loose. Grateful that the rider approaching gave her an excuse to escape Kid's vicinity, something she knew she had been doing, more and more.

The rider stopped a few yards always from them, the young boy smiled broadly, tossing her a package. She captured the flying object with one hand, grasping it tight as she caught it, smiling in the young lad's direction.

Then she stumbled forwards, strong hands coming around here waist, hands now gripping her wrists and making her drop the parcel. The startle had the air stuck in her throat.

"Jimmy!" Kid hollered.

Then she got angry. Steeling herself in Kid's grip she fought as he took her hand in his and turned her palm up, bringing it closer for inspection.

Jimmy took the corner of the fallen parcel between his gloved index finger and thumb, lifting it up, shaking it.

"Freakin' idiot," she wheezed at the man now pulling the sleeves of her coat and her shirt up, freeing her arm from the clothes. Moving to examine her. His head over her shoulder, the grip on her waist still firm while his fingers ran over her exposed skin.

Jimmy standing with the parcel in his hand, opening the coalfiber wrapping like he feared the content was explosive. Lou rolled her eyes at their paranoia. Still captured in Kid's hold, she watched Jimmy extract a rectangular object, an object that was very rare, but she recognized the ancient shape immediately. A book of sorts. Jimmy looked puzzled at the object and turned it around, to them open it and skim through it rapidly.

"It's the diary," Jimmy said with amazement. "It's a replica of Lou's diary, in real paper!"

"And you're reading it?" Lou hissed."Let go!" She stomped her heel down on Kid's foot, putting in all the strength she could muster from the awkward position. He groaned behind her and loosened his grip.

"Is it safe, Jimmy?"

"Safer than you'll be if you don't let go now!" Lou wheezed low in her throat.

Finally he let go. "I'm sorry. Lou, I was scared that..."

She turned and met with his eyes, looking at him for a moment, wanting to kick him hard. But she murdered him efficiently with one long hard look instead. "You're always sorry ain't you Kid? Damn you!"

Not waiting for an answer she turned on her heels and snatched the book out of Jimmy's hand, clasping it to her chest as she ran up the stairs into the house.

"We x-rayed and bio-scanned it at the Postal Office," the man on the horse said quuietly. "There was no danger, we know what happened, we have new protocols."

Jimmy and Kid shot each other a guilty glance.

"Sorry," Kid said. "I didn't know, it's okay Matt, it'll be fine."

"Next time I won't be deliverin' it in Pony Express fashion, I guess," the man replied.

Jimmy cracked a sarcastic grin, knowing that everything was all over town now, everybody knew everything. The expression on Matt's face as he gazed down at Jimmy said enough. He had become one with his namesake in many people's minds. Pensively he watched Matt raise his hand in a salute before turning his horse and riding away. Then he shook his head and turned to Kid: "C'mon, we're late already.

But Kid looked one last time to the door, like debating whether to go after Lou or not.

"I'd advice you to let this one pass, she'll probably have your head if you poke it where it don't belong right now."

Kid grunted.

"Believe me," Jimmy continued, grabbing the sleeve of his reluctant friend. "She's a crack shot, Kid, I'm tired of saving your hide."

Without a word Kid turned and walked over to Katy, checking the saddle once again before mounting. Sneaking one last glance at the closed door that Lou demonstratively had slammed shut. Jimmy smiled smugly and followed. When Sundancer started walking Jimmy leaned back and started whistling.

Kid peered at him from under the brim of his hat. Jimmy paused for a moment at the glare he received, then he adjusted the hat so the rain that had started falling more thickly wouldn't trickle down his neck and started whistling again.

 

 

 

She slammed the door shut behind her, struggling to get her coat off while eyeing the covers of the book. It looked like an old, very old book but it wasn't the original. The text wasn't written by hand, and she was sure they didn't have computers or anything like it back then. The thought that somebody had scrutinized a private diary of a woman enraged her. And the contents of it scared her.

"It must have been a man coming up with the idea," she mumbled angrily to herself when she pushed the kitchen door open.

"Having fun Lou?" Amanda arched her eyebrows at her, nodding to the men outside. "Practisin' for the next football season?" She was leaning up against the table, a cup of steaming cafs in her hand, a tease on her face.

Lou didn't bother to answer, instead she walked over and poured herself another dose of cafs, the second one in just an hour.

"So what you get?" Amanda insisted.

When Lou turned back to her, she noticed Kid and Jimmy riding out. "Good riddens," she smirked at the sight.

"Now Lou, looked darned hot to me," Amanda laughed. "I'd love being tackled like that."

Lou groaned.

"By the right man of course," Amanda chuckled and seated herself at the table, flinging her booted feet up on the chair next to her. "So what you get?"

Lou seated herself at the table, laying the book in her lap and opening the first page. "It's the supposed diary that Louise McCloud wrote back in 1861, I think."

"The original?" Amanda leaned over. "You know how much that is worth?"

"A transcript," Lou said. "They wouldn't send the original now would they, and lose all them traces for more DNA?"

"So what does it say? Who sent it?"

"I don't know," Lou admitted, "it said noting on the cover and I haven't found any explanation elsewhere, it came from HuRec, that's all I know."

"So that's why he tackled you?" Amanda giggled.

"The damned fool," Lou muttered.

"I've always wondered what it would feel like, being taken care of like that," Amanda winked.

Lou shot her an amused smile. "If Jimmy would do that to you, he'd find himself in sickbay with multiple fractures."

"Or rolling around in the dirt," Amanda sighed, looking out of the window. "I gotta go feed the hogs before I get into town, you wouldn't...." a furtive, hopeful glance at the woman with the book clasped in her hold. "All right," she rose from the table with a demonstrative sigh, "I'll get Spooney for this assignment, if its the last thing I do," she smirked. "Fancy me, feeding the hogs, yikes."

"Tell Buck I'll be out in an hour," Lou answered absentmindedly, flicking through the pages, her curiosity rising as she spotted well-known names, and new ones, on the pages. There was an entirely different world on those pages, seen through somebody that had been her, someone she hoped she'd like. Refraining from looking at the last page and checking out the outcome, she opened the first page and looked at the letters forming the first phrase. Somebody had taken the time to find an old font, rounded and indeed, solemn. The paper crisp under her fingers as she slid her fingertips over the edge. Not coalfiber, but genuine old-time paper. _My previous life, in this book and I'm afraid to read it._

"Yeah, I'll tell him you told him to feed the hogs," Amanda said. When she received no answer she looked back and found Lou engrossed in the diary. Amanda smiled smugly when she took the coat off the peg and walked out.

 

 

 

"C'mon Lou, we're late!"

She looked up from her book and blinked confusedly in Buck's direction. "Huh?"

The lanky young man shook his head and walked up to her. "I've been waiting Lou, it's been hours, it's time to go."

"Hours?" Lou repeated. Glancing up on the wall where the kitchen clock hung, ticking away time. "Oh Lord!" She had been sitting reading for three hours already, lost in another world. "I'm sorry, I'll get the gear right away and..."

"Don't worry Lou, it's all taken care off, I have the box outside and Lightning saddled and ready to go."

"Thanks, Buck," Lou mumbled, still clutching the book to her chest, unwilling to let go.

"Ain't you leaving it here?" Buck asked with a nod to the item she was holding onto for dear life. "You know it'll still be here when you come back."

Strangely his words let a flood of emotions loose in her, 'it'll still be here when you bet back'. But would it? Ike had died, he had been shot and nobody had expected that to happen. The war was coming on and Jimmy and Kid we're fighting. Buck was torn between two worlds and didn't really feel like he belonged in either. So many emotions the Louise in the diary described she was truly able to embrace, other things she wasn't even able to comprehend. Like Ike's death and the pain it had provoked them all, but they still had to go on living. Try to survive. And somehow they did, slowly they regained the routine and Lou's writings lost the somber tone and became more light. Life had to go on. And there was so many things about the Louise who had written the diary that she didn't understand, she had a brother and a sister in an orphanage, she had been through hell and she still seemed stronger than she would ever be. But many of her own insecurities were mirrored in the words, the on and off relationship with the Kid, her love for him. A love she hadn't quite been ready to accept. The feelings for Jimmy, the charade she had to put up to be something she wasn't. It was eerie.

"You all right, Lou?" Buck asked and Lou nodded. Even Buck of today had so many features of the Buck of yesterday, his gentleness and the fierce pride. And still he was so different.

"You sure?"

For a moment she hesitated, unsure how she would react if the answer was yes. It seemed unlikely, but yet - so many things in her life coincided with the former Louise. She had to know. "Does Ike know any Neville?"

"Pardon me?" Buck's forehead creased up, the question clearly making no sense to him.

"Does he? Anyone by the name of Neville? Because if he does, he should be vary careful." The end of the sentence vanished into a whisper, her throat was tightening at the notion of Ike's perish. She'd try her utmost to stop it if it was to happen again, it just couldn't happen again. But she just wasn't sure she would be able to, if it was written in the stars, if it was fate, who was she to try and alter it?

Buck slowly came up to her, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Is this about something you read in there?" He nodded to the diary in her lap.

"Ike died," she blurted out, immensely relieved to be able to tell someone. "He had just met Emily and there was this man named Neville who was after her father and he walked right in the line of fire, Buck. He was shot in the chest and we, I mean they, just had to watch him die! He saved Emily's life and he was shot, he died, Buck!"

"Lou," Buck crouched before her, taking her hands into his. "That was a long time ago, different people, different times. And no, to my knowledge Ike doesn't know any Nevilles, and he met Emily a long time ago. We're not them Lou, not really."

"Then how come I recognize so much of her life, Buck?" Lou asked, looking into his eyes, desperately seeking for an explanation. "How come we feel so much the same? How come I recognize features in all of your old you's? You're so alike in many ways, what does that mean?"

"Lou," Buck smiled up at her, gently squeezing her hands. "Most people feel the same occasionally Lou, we're all unique, that is true but we all share those common traits of being humans. Times may change but our emotions are still the same, we're afflicted by the same love, rage and sorrow, all through time and space. Our objects might change and the reasons too, but we all share those feelings, everyone does."

She looked at him, amazed by the wisdom in him. And she remembered the pass in the diary about her worry for Kid when he was missing and Buck's reaction to her phrase of the the men that had burnt down the way station being savages. His calm at that time amazed her still, he had just asked her if they were savages because they were murderers of because they were Indians. And Kid had returned safe, Buck had been right then. Was he now?

"But Buck, she seems so much like me, she has very much the same likes and dislikes, the same fears and all. How can that be if I'm not her? And if I'm her will that mean the exact same things will happen to me somewhere along the line?"

"Lou, we all have the same fears deep inside, we all fear to lose loved ones, to remain alone. Those are the very foundations of our lives, we are a part of what we share with others. Ask anybody and you'll find at least traces of that, either they accept them of deny them. And many of the same things happens to everybody, we do lose loved ones, we fall in love, we struggle and occasionally lose. It's life Louise, it pretty much contains the same things for everybody, at least more or less. And because you carry her genes, it means you are probably more like her than most people, but that doesn't mean you're her exact copy. You lived a different life, you encountered different things."

"Yeah," she nodded. "You're right Buck, it's not that exceptional after all."

"Now, wait a minute," Buck smiled, taking the book that had fallen into her lap, placing it on the floor besides her. Standing up he drew her out of the chair, to stand in front of him. "I never said you're not exceptional Lou, I just said that..."

"I know," Lou interrupted him, "I know what you said and you're right. I was just dragged into it all, it was eerie to say the least. And sad and hilarious at times too."

"Sounds just like what we're going though right here and now," Buck said. "Coz' at times that's exactly what you and Kid are - hilarious."

"Hey!" She freed a hand and swatted him playfully, but his words had made sense, this was another life and she was another person. But she would forever share that bond, not just to the old Louise, but to everyone in the world. Smiling back at him, she shook her head at the tease in his eyes; "I'll get you for that one!"

Buck laughed and let go off her hand, ruffling her hair and patting her shoulder. "You can always try, Lou."

She rolled her eyes at him, bending to take the book by her feet. "I'll just put this in my room and I'll be back in a jiffy."

"I'll wait for you outside," Buck smiled.

Lou nodded and ran up the stairs, to hide the link to yesterday. She's finish it someday, maybe. If she had the courage.

 

 

 

Teaspoon was still outside on the porch, the daylight fading fast. Just as fast as his irritation seemed to rise. He had been staying put there for two hours already, ever since they heard the growls from his office.

Amanda peered at Lou, sitting by the kitchen table, the Diary she had hid, back in her lap. "They're gonna get it," Amanda chuckled, "they'll be feeding the hogs forever for this."

"Finally I see someone in worse predicament than I've ever been in," Cody grinned broadly while sipping the cafs. "Teaspoon'll have their hides."

"Maybe that's why it's taking them forever to get back," Buck smiled, shaking his head.

"You're sure they're all right?" Lou asked again, just to ensure herself.

"Right now they're just fine," Amanda nodded, "but after Teaspoon gets his hands on them, I can't vouch for anything."

"It's gonna be dark soon," Ike pointed out.

Lou let her eyes wander back to the window, still no riders in sight.

"Last I heard from them they we're two miles outside Sweetwater," Amanda laughed, "and that was an hour ago."

"So how much was this thing worth?" Buck asked.

"It one of a kind, there's really no value on this prototype," Amanda continued. "But I guess Team 41 proved it to be useless."

"So what was this thing exactly?" Rachel asked while approaching the rest of the team gathered around the kitchen table.

"Who knows?" Amanda shrugged her shoulders. "Has something to do with satellite surveillance, that's all I know. Top secret hi-tech equipment. And that it doesn't stand a change against Jimmy and Kid."

Cody let out a snort of laughter. "Or Katy."

"I'm really starting to believe Jimmy," Amanda smiled. "He said that pairing him and Kid up was a disaster. Seems he's right."

"Well it was Katy trampling all over it," Lou pointed out.

"Yeah," Amanda admitted, "but it was those two putting it right under her hooves." She pointed out the window where two silhouettes appeared. "And because they wanted to pick frozen flowers as I've heard."

Cody exploded into another fit of laughter.

Lou shot him a deadly glare as she rose and followed Amanda to the door.

Amanda peeked out of the door to see if it was safe to join Teaspoon on the porch. The ragged man had rose too, chewing frenetically on a straw of hay while tapping his fingers on the verandah railing. His eyes never moved away from the pair approaching.

"Now Spooney," Amanda called as she finally decided to file out. "It's not healthy to get this upset, you outta watch your blood pressure"

Teaspoon shot her a weary glance before turning back to stare at the riders, his jaws working harder and harder as they came closer.

"Oh God, is he mad!" Amanda whispered in Lou's direction.

They all clung close to the door, watching in silence Kid and Jimmy stop right in front of Teaspoon, their head's hanging. Their muddy wrinkled appearances telling they had had a very long day. And it wasn't over yet. The slow decent off the horses speaking of utmost caution. Kid made the mistake of peering in Lou's direction and cracking a smile. The next moment he found Teaspoon standing on his toes. Wheezing.

"You picked flowers?"

Kid backed in surprise. "Well, we tried to..."

"You carry a priceless experimental cargo and all you think about is picking flowers? In December? There's no flowers to pick in December so spare me the lies and tell me what happened. You forgot all about it, didn't you, forgot and probably sat on it, am I right?" The man leaned in even closer, making Kid take another step back.

"Now Teaspoon," Jimmy started, "it wasn't like that, we had..."

Teaspoon raised one threatening finger in Jimmy's direction.

"Let me get this straight," Teaspoon continued, "despite my orders to place the item on solid ground and mark the site you take a break and go pick flowers?"

"Well, there was this frozen-like rose ...." Kid tried to chime in but Teaspoon inched in on him and silenced him effectively.

Lou couldn't tell the expression on Teaspoon's face but by judging it by Kid's, it must have been something fierce. Behind her Cody shook of silent laughter and Noah was trying to suffocate his chuckles. Rachel shushed them both to no avail.

"What did I tell you to do?" Teaspoon had turned to Jimmy, giving Kid a respite and Lou could tell he finally let the breath out.

"Well, you told us to find that spot and put that thingie there and cover it with that net or whatever it was," Jimmy said, meeting Teaspoon's gaze steadily. "But you see, there was this herd of wild buffalo and one of the little ones seemed to have an injury so we decided to check it out first and when that was over we, or Kid, found that odd wild rose thing and we decided..."

"You decided?" Teaspoon exploded, "you decided to waste five years of work and God knows how much effort and money spent on making that scientific breakthrough?"

Even the horses took one step back and flattened their ears at the man's bellowing.

Jimmy's eyes were round as he looked at the man standing close to Kid. In a vane attempt to calm the waters, he offered an excuse; "But it was an accident..."

"An accident?!" Teaspoon shrieked, "you put it right under Katy's front hooves!"

"Well, not straight, but you see there was all this mud and Katy...."

Teaspoon turned back to Kid and had him take another step back and shut up. Katy followed her owner's move, trying to hide behind him.

"Well boys, I've had it up to here, with the sermon I got from HuRec and I have one last thing to ask you; heads or tails?"

"Huh?" Jimmy peered over Sundancer's back.

"One of you's gotta go and pick up the new prototype on December 31, at 21:00, head or tails?"

"What? New Years Eve?" Jimmy sneered, "no way in..."

"No way? No way you say?" Teaspoon barked, "young man you pick head or..."

"I'll go Teaspoon," Kid threw in, "no need to go popping any blood vessels, I'll go."

"..tails, or I'll, what?"

"I'll go," Kid offered, "I won't mess up this time..."

They all watched as Teaspoon threw an incredulous glance at the man standing in front of him, seemingly working himself up for a new sermon. Everybody held their breaths. The door opened and Emma made her way through the group assembled in front of the door.

"Teaspoon! Let them boys alone, they've had an awful day. Just look at 'em! They need some tidying up and some food."

Teaspoon turned to Emma, his left eyes squinted. "But they...."

"Hush, Mr. Spoon, it was an accident, right boys?"

Both men nodded in plain relief.

"See, I told you so, they didn't mean for it to happen."

"But," Teaspoon started anew.

"Now Teaspoon, " Emma hooked her arm around the older man's and watched him with reprimand. "Nobody got hurt, and that's what's important, right? And if it really was a frozen rose it might be significant, am I right? I mean roses are not supposed to bloom in December, maybe it was a sign of something going wrong?"

"Well, they didn't get that rose, now did they?"

"Well, they tried and it was really very observant of them to begin with. We need all the scientific signs of survival out here, don't we?"

They all watched Teaspoon's countenance change as he peered back at Emma. "But it was very important that we did this right and..."

"Shush Mr. Spoon, if they yell at you from HuRec, just turn the call over to me coz' I have something to tell them too. Now let's go and have that supper, let's enjoy a fine meal and forget about the rest."

She started towards the house, dragging Teaspoon along. He walked slowly and muttered while shaking his head. Mumbling something to the woman besides him.

"I know Teaspoon, you told them, I know you did." Emma nodded.

More mumbles.

"I know, I know, but you know what Teaspoon, I made you bacon and eggs, specially for you."

Teaspoon sighed deeply and obediently followed the woman inside.

Cody finally let his cackle loose, dragging Noah into it and they both fell to the porch, laughing heartily. Lou couldn't help but smile broadly as she walked over to the quartet.

"You're always getting you skins saved by women," Buck grinned teasingly.

Jimmy cast Buck an annoyed glance. "They are usually the ones to get us into the mess to begin with."

Lou stopped a few steps away from the pair, taking a good look at Kid, smiling at the sight of him, drenched and dirty. Moving her gaze over to Jimmy, she smiled even broader as Amanda hauled up a towel and wiped the dirt off his face. "You're disgustin' , both of ya!" she let out before doubling over with laughter.

Buck and Ike walked up to them too, taking the reins of the horses. Shaking their heads to hide their mirth. Rachel ensembled the laughing men from the porch and shoved them inside before turning to the gathering in the yard. "You do whatever you have to to get all that grime off them two before you let them inside." Her voice sounded suspiciously gleeful.

Looking back at Kid walking up to her, Lou tried to conceal her laughter and shook her head when he reached for her. Holding him at bay with her outstretched arm. "Stay away, cowboy!"

"Hey!" He said and scooped her into his arms. "I tried to pick that rose for you!"

"Don't remind me," Jimmy groaned. "It was all his doin'!"

"Yeah right," Amanda snorted, "since when did Jimmy Hickok need persuasion to do stupid things?"

Jimmy glared at her.

"I'd say it comes rather naturally to the two of you," Amanda continued, flicking Jimmy's face up towards the light from the porch. "You both had the time of your life out there, didn't you? Hold still, you look like you dove head first into a ditch."

"He did," Kid replied and laughed, clutching Lou closer. Close enough so she could feel his muscles tense and stretch, his heartbeat reflecting in the throbbing vein on his neck. His heartbeat. She stiffened in response. Her own heartbeat rising, something about the notion making her feel nauseated.

Kid never noticed as she slid out of his embrace, grabbing a hold of his coat instead. "We better get the two of you inside."

Kid smiled and moved to lay an arm around her, but she slid out of his reach. She tried to joke it away. "I need the whole gory story Kid, might be you'll have to spend the night with Katy, if she'll accept you. You sure don't look presentable."

"Hey!" Kid moved closer, grinning at her, reaching out for her again. Lou ducked and placed herself close to the stairs. Like ready to run.

"Lou's right, what you need is a hose down," Amanda poked Jimmy's ribs playfully, squealing in joy as Jimmy retaliated and threw his arms around her, effectively rubbing most of the dirt off on her. Then he framed her face in his hands and kissed her deeply.

Lou looked away, catching a glimpse of Kid's gaze on her before she moved to walk up the stairs. She wanted to run to the man left standing on the yard, hug him and kiss him but she couldn't. No, it was more than mere wanting, she truly needed his touch but there was something that terrified her when she felt those arms around her, hugging her, making her want him. And instead of reciprocating, she fled.

Leaving Kid's watching her.

Jimmy's and Amanda's laughter tore at her heart as she left the man she loved behind, a man she loved but whose touch terrified her. And she didn't even know why.


	43. Chapter 43

Jimmy slammed the saddlebag down as he rounded the curb to take Sundancer to his stall. It was freezing outside, a cold that bit on the skin, numbed the fingers and generally damped the mood all around. Visiting all the new settlers in this kind of weather ought to be forbidden by some law, where did it say that a protor shouldn't be protected too? He mumbled to himself when he tried to pry the cinch open, his fingers were oddly uncooperative.

"You know it's not unmanly to wear mittens."

He smiled at the voice reaching him from outside.

"The word mitten is not in my vocabulary, Lou."

"Don't need to be Jimmy, as long as you keep them on."

"All right Mom," Jimmy mocked, "message received. Now lay off it."

Lou walked inside and shoved Jimmy to the side. With nimble fingers she opened the latch and freed Sundancer from the saddle. Leering at Jimmy, she shoved the saddle into his arms and walked over to take the snaffle next. Fumbling a bit with the cold metal, she grunted, casting a glance over at Jimmy still standing there, watching her. "Go get a rug Jimmy."

"Lou, you don't have to...."

Finally managing to open all the slots, she slid the leather over Sundancer's ears and liberated him. Without looking at Jimmy, she handed him the last piece of equipment. "I'll take care of him Jimmy, just go."

"Hiding again?"

"What?" She snapped at him, refusing to look at him.

"What's wrong, Lou?"

"What ya mean 'what's wrong'?"

"You look like hell."

"Oh thanks a bunches Jimmy, you really know..."

"You're avoiding the man you're engaged to and you tell me nothing's wrong? Come off it Lou, what the hell happened?"

"I'm not avoiding him!"

"Yeah you are, you're not fooling me. And you're not fooling him either."

She turned to watch him, wondering what Kid had told Jimmy. How much he had told him?"

"He's worried, Lou, and I'm starting to worry too. You have rings bigger than Saturn's under your eyes, you look like you haven't slept in weeks. You're not eating, you're edgy and nervous, fidgeting if anyone comes too close. Lou, don't tell me everything's all right."

"You don't know what you're talking 'bout, Jimmy!" she wheezed at him, anger rising immediately at his prodding. This wasn't Jimmy, Jimmy didn't prod and force her to talk. She had others for that.

"I know what I see," Jimmy replied softly.

"Well don't look then," she hissed, forcing her way past him to get a rug for the horse. Jimmy remain where he stood, following her with his eyes, like trying to look straight through her and reveal her to the world. Trying to understand. Well, he would never understand something she didn't understand herself, would he? She'd better offer him something, anything.

Walking back to the stall, clasping the rug, she sighed. "You know what he did Jimmy, he bought a lot up at the Pond. Wants to build a house up in the wilderness. Doesn't ask me or nothing, just takes the money he got off the insurance and goes to buy a lot! And buys it in my name. Calls it an investment. I could kill him."

Jimmy chuckled; "Sounds just like him. He has it all planned out hasn't he?"

"He generously offered me to choose the house," Lou smirked.

Jimmy watched her bemused, smiling at her face revealing and odd mixture of annoyance and content, with just a streak of something he wasn't able to identify, underneath. She draped the horse with the rug, fastening it carefully, mumbling something as she did. Then she stopped and stroke the horse's neck pensively. Her eyes to the ground, watching the hay Sundancer was devouring, her mind seemingly miles away.

"But that's not really what's bothering you Lou, now is it?"

Lou glanced at him over her shoulder, her face now irritated, tense. "Who said something is bothering me?"

Jimmy almost jumped as the door to the stall shivered in an assault of sudden weight laid upon it. "Don't do that!" he wheezed to his side."

"Do what?" Kid asked, leaning in over the door, smiling warmly in Lou's direction.

"Sneak up on people," Jimmy growled. "I'm gonna shoot you one of these days if you don't lay off it."

Kid turned his head and watched him wearily, cocking his left eyebrow in a question. "Was something going on?"

"You know what I mean," Jimmy continued, "it will prove hazardous to your health."

Kid shook his head and turned back to Lou. "I made you sandwiches and tea, for the both of ya."

"Now, that will prove hazardous to _my_ health," Jimmy scoffed.

"You didn't have to Kid," Lou said from inside the stall.

"I wanted to," Kid stated and opened the door to walk up to her. Automatically his hands went to examine the horse's legs and Lou cracked a smile.

"Oh, he's fine Kid," Jimmy groaned in frustration, Kid never trusted his judgment and it was irritating as hell. He was the master of second guessing anything Jimmy did, or left undone.

Lou shot him a 'what-did-I-tell-you' smile.

Jimmy answered with a smirk.

Kid let his eyes wander between the two of them and shrugged. Guiltily he let go off Sundancer's front leg. Turning and offering his hand to Lou, he waited, his eyes on her. Pleading.

Jimmy watched the longing wash over Lou's face as she looked down on the outstretched hand. But he didn't quite understand it. There was a flash of the old gazes between the two of them, that hunger they both tried to suffocate at the beginning. That hunger that had been so evident that it practically filled the room and made the tension rise several degrees. A tension so evident that sometimes he had been afraid that they'd rip each other's clothes off and do it right there and then. Which would have been totally so out of character for both of them. How well he knew that hunger, how consuming when not placated, how insistent if not pushed back. And it looked like there was no way for them to push it back, that passion was relentless, it seemed to dwell in their proximity, just waiting to explode and suck them in. But now, now that they had each other, Lou's face showed uncertainty and a slight wariness as she tentatively took Kid's hand. She was a master in concealing her feelings, but this time she didn't quite succeed.

He knew Kid had noticed the shift in Lou, his hand moving back just a bit. Jimmy moved his eyes to Kid's face, trying to gauge the reaction, trying to understand.

He looked pained, like he was lost. His lips moved but Lou interrupted him; "All right Kid, let's go and see what you've concocted now? Just let me check that Noah has stacked up on his antibiotics first." She leered at him.

Kid lifted their joined hands to run his thumb down her cheek. Lou ducked with a fleeing giggle, then she started walking, fast. Dragging him behind her, making him stumble over his own feet.

Jimmy remain at the door watching them, wondering. Closing it behind them.

At the front door Lou stopped and turned; "You coming or not, Jimmy?"

He nodded and proceeded to follow them, his eyes on their backs. Watching the couple walking, Lou's swift moves, her grip on Kid's hand, a grip like she was afraid he'd disappear. But her body was never close to his, she kept her distance. When Kid took a playful step closer to her she skidded away, concealing her action with a teasing snigger. Her eyes yet again resting on Kid's, with that same sense of craving, a craving that was consuming her, yet she tried desperately to run from it.

Jimmy shook his head, he'd never in his life understand women.

 

 

 

Jimmy sank down at the table with a content sigh, glancing over the table, smirking just for the heck of it at the sight of the plate with the sandwiches. Eggs and cheese? The man was out of his mind. "Oh geez, another veggie meal?"

"Shut up Jimmy," Kid scoffed as he approached the table with a teapot. Grimacing slightly at the heat it emanated to his bare fingers.

"I know what I'll make you for Christmas Kid, ever heard of pot-holders?" Lou pointed out.

"Heard off? He made 'em in first grade, a real ugly one, red and yellow as I recall," Jimmy leered and reached for a sandwich.

Kid rolled his eyes and placed the kettle on the table.

"He did?" Lou had to giggle at the mental picture of Kid crocheting a domestic utensil.

"And what?" Kid seated himself at the table, leaning over to Lou with a crooked smile. "You didn't?"

"Me? Never!" She answered his leer with a superior glance in his direction. "I was far too skilled and went directly to knitting a muffler, well it was meant to become a muffler but the darned thing kept getting thinner and thinner. Mom finished it and I did get an A thou'. But I somehow got the distinct feeling my future wasn't in the fashion design area."

Jimmy laughed into his mug, coughing slightly as the heat hit his face.

"You can knit a muffler anyday for me," Kid smiled, "I'd love it."

Jimmy rolled his eyes at the flirtation and let out a pained 'oh please'. An uttering that went unheard since a wild eyed Amanda appeared in the kitchen. "The elves are killing me! I'm gonna puke on them soon if they don't lay off!"

"Come again?" Kid asked, looking over at her.

"They want homemade candy! As if the ones they sell, nicely packed into ornamental packages, isn't enough? Now they want me to get into the kitchen, slave for hours so they can sink their teeth into 'genuine' fudge?"

Lou laughed; "They just won't give up will they?"

"Who?" Kid asked.

"The elves Kid, those two that held a two and a half hour long lecture on how to find the perfect Christmas tree." Amanda sneered.

"Oh God," Kid sighed, "still at it are they?"

"Worse than ever," Lou chimed in. "Me an' Cody's gotta go out and make the barn Christmasy - latest order from Emma. I'm still waiting on Rachel's next one. I'm tellin' you, if she asks me to sing carols for the hogs, I'm on the next ASA outta here."

"What's up with them?" Kid groaned, "they're driving me nuts."

Jimmy arched an eyebrow in Kid's direction. "They're driving you nuts? Do they have you climb the icy roof to get those hideous lights up there?"

"Apple-tree," Kid replied, "color coded lights, exact distance, has to be done in the dark so the fairies, mean elves, can approve of the outcome. Apple-tree don't look too steady to me."

Amanda groaned and Jimmy's side-looped grin grew wider. "Digging out old sleigh and oiling it for soundless approach to Christmas Mass, sleigh in the darkest corner of the barn, looks to belong in a museum. Has to be ready for test drive in two days."

"Driver of said vehicle on Christmas Day at 5 a.m," Kid retorted. "horse to be equipped with bells. No horse around here accustomed to such things, takes off at mere sight. Training of suitable horse, to be done in two days, for test drive."

Lou was hiding her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking suspiciously. Kid threw a glance at her and sighed. Amanda had sunken down at Jimmy's side, the corners of her mouth twitching.

"Finder of Christmas tree! According to Rachel to be , 'wide and low, plenty of room for the top star, with thick dark foliage and a steady stem'. According to Emma, 'elegantly thin and light in color to fit in the recreation room corner and cast the light out to the hall'. Either won't budge."

"Decoration," Kid groaned. "I have to go to Tompkins and get all them little thingies, ribbons and...."

Amanda's squeal stopped him in his weary tirade, the woman was drying her tears as Jimmy draped his arm around her shoulders. Lou looked up at Kid and wiped her nose before hiding her face again, trying to laugh soundlessly. Kid leaned in over the table to catch her eyes.

She looked at him and fell into a helpless heap over the table herself. Kid ruffled her hair.

Jimmy smiled and looked over to Kid. "Know what Kid, I'll come with ya, I have orders to get Santa caps for us all. I'd rather be shot in the leg than tell Tompkins that. With bells! Add that to your lis,t Kid, I'll be waiting outside, holding the horses."

"Santa caps?" Amanda turned to Jimmy, "what exactly is that?"

"Red little silly caps that Santa wears," Jimmy mumbled, "complete with a jingle-bell, to be worn by everyone at Christmas Day dinner."

They all peered disbelievingly at him. Jimmy shrugged his shoulders in reply.

"I hate Christmas," Kid groaned.

"Don't blame the season Kid, blame those two!" Amanda pointed to the door as the aforementioned couple busted in. Cheeks red with excitement, Rachel fiddling with a memoslot, a steady stream of words coming out of her. Emma nodding excitedly. Then her eyes fell on the group around the table.

"Oh, you're here! Good, I have some other...."

"Emma," Jimmy groaned, "I've just come home..."

"..things we just simply need." She continued with a hushing motion of her hand in Jimmy's direction.

"Kill me now," Kid grunted.

"Let me guess," Amanda wrinkled her nose. "The chimney needs to be cleaned so Santa won't mess himself up?"

Rachel shot her a deadly glare. "Fudge, Amanda, think fudge."

"I hope it sticks to your teeth," Amanda muttered under her breath.

"Carols! We should sing carols!" Emma declared.

"That's it," Lou shook her head in sheer disgust. "I'm outta here. All this fuss is givin' me hives, gotta get a shower and shake this whole holiday off." Rising to her feet, she walked past Kid, ruffling his hair. "You be a good boy and do the dishes, right?"

Jimmy let the banter between the three women left in the kitchen subside into the background as he watched Kid's gaze follow Lou out. The confusion and concern he saw in it made him realize Kid was fully aware that something was going on with Lou. Jimmy felt an urge to ask him what was going on? But men didn't talk about these things, now did they? Not emotions and stuff. Suddenly Kid met with his gaze, catching him red-handed. They locked gaze, both trying to understand how much the other one knew. Jimmy lazily raised his eyebrows in a dismantling smirk. Kid rose and snatched the plate from under his nose.  
"You done yet Jimmy?"

"You're such a good boy," Amanda crooned and pinched Kid's cheek playfully.

"No Manda," Kid replied, "I'm not making the damn fudge for you!"

 

 

 

He paused when he touched the doorknob. Lou was in there, probably all curled up into the bedspread, pretending to sleep to avoid him. And he had no idea what was wrong. Why did he see panic in her eyes when he touched her, was she hurting? Had he done something and she wouldn't tell him? Jimmy knew too, how much he had no idea. Maybe Lou had told Jimmy but decided to spare him? Why?

The look she got in her eyes when he tried to hold her close tore at his heart. It was fear, pure fear and he had no idea why. It seemed like every time he closed in on her, she wanted to run and scream. That look she got stopped him as effectively as if she would have slapped him and screamed bloody murder. Every time he reached for her and she slid away with panic in her eyes, he wanted her to slap him instead. He wanted her to do anything, except skid away with fear in her eyes. He so needed to hold her, if nothing else just hold her and feel her breathing. At least that. If she would at least tell him what he did, or had done, wrong? If she would just speak! Not just stiffen when he'd lie down besides her, stiffen and bury her face into the pillow. Always turned away from him, cocooned safely into the bedspread. Making him want to scream at the torture of having her close, but yet so far away. Further than she had ever been. Always gone early in the morning, although still smiling at him, playing him when he finally saw her. Touching him only when she was at a safe distance? Far enough so he couldn't scoop her into his arms and hold her. He just didn't understand it, like so many things with Lou, he just didn't comprehend. And yet, he knew enough, he knew something was terribly wrong and it needed to be fixed. What pained him the most was that he had no idea how, all he wanted was to hold her and tell her he would never hurt her again, he'd rather die than do that. But the words he had spoken in a fit of jealous rage so long ago still haunted him, and he was afraid to speak and cause further damage.

He held his breath when he turned the doorknob.


	44. Chapter 44

The sound of the doorknob turning had Lou sit down on the bed in her room, waiting. The door didn't open at once and she knew he hesitated, he hesitated because of her. Her and her mixed signals. Her and her avoidance. She kept looking at the door, afraid it wouldn't open, that he would walk over to his room and leave her alone. Afraid that it would open, that he would come in and she wouldn't know what to tell him. That he would look at her, ask her what was wrong, and she would have nothing to say.

When it did open, she stirred, and he saw it. He stood silent by the door for a moment, still hesitating. But she wanted him to come inside, she wanted to keep her vigil over him while he slept. She wanted to hear him breathe. So she smiled at him, and he replied, but said nothing. Lou heard her own breath of relief, watching Kid on the chair while removed his boots, casting furtive glances in her direction. Three weeks had gone by and Kid seemed totally back to normal. There was nothing that revealed that some weeks ago she had almost lost him. He was up working, full workloads, and he didn't complain once.

She smiled at him as he rose and gathered fresh clothes from the chest of drawers, lately their clothes had become spread out in both of their rooms since they had slept in the same bed each and every night since Kid got off that stretcher and back to a real bed. Her eyes followed him as he moved around in the room, scratching his head, obviously in search of something. Then he fell to his knees and reached under the chair by the window. Lou smiled, knowing he had a triumphant smile on the handsome face, a pair of reins in his hands. "I knew they were here somewhere," he mumbled, half apologetic, relief in his voice.

She said nothing, what was there to say? She was afraid to strike up a conversation with him, even about missing reins. How they had gotten under the chair was something Lou wouldn't touch. Kid always kept losing stuff, absentmindedly placing things in the most awkward places. Cursing himself when he went mad looking for them. Somehow the knowledge always was stored somewhere in his memory, he always found what he was looking for. Except the answer to the question she saw on his face.

For a moment she held her breath, but then he rose and walked over to the drawer. Lou felt the tension that was building up in her hands vanish, he wasn't going to ask. She wouldn't have to tell him anything.

"What's wrong Lou?," he suddenly asked, stopping in his digging in the drawer for something else he had obviously misplaced.

"Nothing," Lou hurried to reply, "was just wonderin' what you were missin' this time, is all." Keeping her voice gleeful, she tried one more time to avoid what she feared.

"Lou, I'm missing you and you know that. Let me get that shower and you and I, love, will sit down and talk." His eyes bore into hers as he crouched before her, letting his hands rest on her thighs.

"It's late Kid," Lou protested.

"I'll hurry," Kid smiled at her and nuzzled her cheek. "Love you, sweetie."

 

 

Her eyes followed him as he stepped out of the room. How could she ever tell the man that making love to him scared her, how could she ever tell him that thinking about the two of them straining in passion brought the memory of him slack under her hands back to her. So vividly it took her breath away, leaving her paralyzed. Making all that fear and despair wash over her again, leaving her tense like a string ready to snap, making it hard to breathe. How could she tell him that when his touch got heated and his breath quickened, she froze in fear and images of him so helpless whirled before her eyes, causing her to ask him to stop. She had blamed it on tiredness, on headaches on everything possible and Kid had always stopped when she asked him to.

Shaking her head, she tried to clear it, would those horrid pictures ever go away? Would she always be taken back to that bottomless fear of losing him? It was pure hell, her body was wanting him so badly, only her mind denied her to enjoy his touch. Her mind reminded her of the events three weeks ago, when she held him to his place as he slid down the sloping floor of the ASA. Her mind kept recalling the feeling of him like that, totally lifeless in her hands, and she was scared. She wanted the pictures to go away, but the more she tried, the more they paralyzed her. Lately they kept creeping up on her more often, assaulting her when she least expected it, dragging her into a fear so strong it actually hurt. How would she be able to tell him that without having him feel guilt? Initially she thought it was just the shock, but it kept getting worse, now she stiffened as Kid touched her even the slightest. She loved his touches but she felt paralyzed by the images the caresses evoked. And she didn't know what to do about it.

"Lou?"

His voice caused her to jerk her eyes in his direction, she had no idea how long she had been immersed in her thoughts.

"You okay?" He asked again, seating himself at her side on the bed, reaching out to touch her cheek. His hair still wet from the shower, clad only in boxers, he sat at her side, the concerned look on his face telling her he knew something was wrong.

Lou felt herself stiffen as the warm fingers caressed her skin. If she let herself enjoy his touch, she knew the pictures would be back.

"Lou, we need to talk," he sighed as he let his hand sink onto her thigh. Stroking it gently, watching intently her face as he did.

"I'm tired, Kid." Removing the pullover, she tried once again to get out of this situation, she didn't want to hurt his feelings. This was all her crazy mind anyhow, there was nothing Kid could do about it.

"I know Lou, why didn't you go see Noah today? You told me you would."

"I'm fine, Kid." Hurriedly she slid out of her pants, removing them and her socks all at once, turning to roll herself into the blankets. Like a cocoon. Keeping her safe, from herself and her need, from the pictures that assaulted her every time Kid touched her.

"No Lou, you're everything but fine. And I need to know why. It's been weeks, Lou, and I feel I can't even touch you without you shying away any longer. What's wrong, sweetheart? Where's the hurt? Did I do or say something wrong?" His voice filled with trepidation as he laid himself besides her, drawing her into his hold. His body so strong, his presence calling out to her. Calling out for the pictures threatening to emerge.

Freeing her hands, she rubbed her temple to keep them at bay. "I'll go tomorrow, Kid, I promise."

"Your head hurts?" Kid breath hot on her ear.

This time he wouldn't let up, he kept getting closer and closer, together with the dread she felt. "No," she shook her head, "I'm....."

His lips on her ear, kissing her earlobe tenderly. Her body's first reaction was to sink back into his embrace, to sink into him and the feeling of him. But then she stiffened instead. "Please Kid, don't."

Kid rolled her to her back and rested leaning on his elbows over her, his chest touching her. Surprised she looked at him, he had never touched her before if she asked him not to. This time his hands stroke her hair and his eyes searched for hers.

"Lou, I can't stand it seeing you like this. Just tell me, where does it hurt? Has it been going on for long? Please don't do this to me, I won't touch you if you don't want me to. Just tell me, I'm begging you, what's wrong?"

The urgency of his voice had her shivering, he must be thinking all this was his fault. That he had done something wrong. "Kid..."

His eyes boring into hers had her silent, she couldn't feed him another lie, she just couldn't. So she remain silent, trying to avoid his scrutinizing eyes.

Then he shifted his weight onto her as he searched for something on the floor. The sudden sensation of his full weight on her had Lou's body react with a flash of need, followed instantly by the sensation of him dying in her arms. "Oh God," she sobbed, "please Kid, don't..."

"Don't what, Lou?" His weight was removed from her, but the pictures in her mind wouldn't go away that easily, all she saw was him, lying before her, not breathing, his lips turning bluish. She pressed the palms of her hands onto her closed eyelids until the stars forming closed the pictures out.

"I can't do this Kid, I just can't. I keep seeing and feeling you dying in my arms every time I think of sex! Kid, I can't do this, I'm so sorry, I just can't!" She was panting from the force it took to keep the pictures away, she didn't even realize Kid had unfolded her from the blankets and taken her into his lap. The sudden contact of his skin against her had her gasp for air.

"Oh God, " Kid mumbled as he rocked her in his lap. "I had no idea, Lou, you should have told me! I'm sorry, Lou."

The feeling of absolute panic invaded her, there was nothing she could do. Nowhere she could run. Her breath became fast and shallow, as her muscles tensed uncontrollably.

"Lou," Kid's low voice in her ear. "It's okay Lou, it's not happening right now. It's the shock Lou, it's over, we're both here, Lou. We're here in your bed and I'm holding you. It's over." His hands massaging her shoulders, loosening the tension, making her breath run easier.

Holding onto her until her fists opened, he cringed at the signs of her nails left on the palms of her hands. _Rachel was right, she never got through this, she never talked about it, to anyone. She kept it all inside and now it it's coming to haunt her. I never bothered asking her how she was, really. I should'a had her spill everything, even if it hurt, it wouldn't be back haunting her if I had. Hell, me if anybody should have known this! I went through it with Jimmy and now I forget about Lou?_

"It's not your fault," Lou protested as if she had read his mind.

He pulled her head to rest against his neck. Holding her tightly to him, rocking her. Mumbling soothing nonsense words to her.

"It's those damned pictures driving me crazy, I'm so scared that if we do it, I'll kill you. I'm scared to feel you like that ever again, I don't know why! I'm just so scared!" She was sobbing into the crook of his neck. His lips kissing her brow, hands stroking her hair.

"Please Lou, take a look at all them pictures while I hold you, just look at them, look at them and know what they are, just memories. They won't come back to haunt you if you look closely at them."

"I can't," Lou whimpered, "I just can't!"

"Yes you can Lou, I'm here holding you, look at them, Lou."

His lips on her shoulder, the hot breath immediately making her body shiver and her mind immediately pushed the image of Kid before her eyes, lifeless on the floor, sliding away from her. "Oh God," she whimpered and buried her head deeper into the crook of Kid's neck. Feeling his pulsating vein throb against her cheek, she dared herself to recall the picture. There he was, not even breathing, all the life seemingly gone and she wasn't able to hold on to him. His lips were turning bluish and she looked for the ventilator, needing to get to it and push air into him. Slowly the scene unfolded from that dreadful freeze-frame. Jimmy got the ventilator and she saw Kid's chest rise as Jimmy pushed air inside him.

Lou let out a shivering sob, barely aware that Kid was holding her, the dread threatening to take over. But this time she wouldn't let it, this time she'd confront it.  
 _  
The ASA steadied itself and she got her grip back on him, she held onto him and felt his chest rise and fall every time Jimmy pushed the ventilator. She held on to him while dread filled her, he was slipping away from her and there was nothing, absolutely nothing she could do about it. Except trust Jimmy to make him breathe. Then the picture changed form to the swimming hole. The slope down to the water, the absolute stillness around them. She was lying with her head on his chest, shivering from an intense orgasm, his chest heaving under her. His chest heaving, like when Jimmy pumped air...._

"Oh God," she exclaimed, amazed how her mind seemed to have interconnected the two instances, how that beautiful Indian summer day at the swimming hole had become linked with that dreadful day on the ASA. Blinking she recalled the earlier images of the Kid in the ASA, realizing now that she was able to look at them calmly, detached, like a memory she had lived and survived. He wouldn't die if she made love to him, those pictures weren't linked, it was just her imagination making her remember things all wrong.

"How did you know?" she mumbled onto Kid's shoulder, "how the hell did you know it'd work?"

"I didn't know anything, Lou. I've had pictures of my own that's all." He hugged her closer, "and then I asked Rachel," he whispered to her shoulder. Afraid she'd get mad at him for telling. "I just knew that every time I touched you, you flinched. More and more as time went by. I didn't understand why Lou, and I need to touch you, I love you, I want to touch you. You wouldn't talk so I had to ask somebody. Rachel thought you might have some kind of post-traumatic syndrome. We never talked it through Lou, I don't know what went through your mind that day. I'm sorry."

Closing her eyes tightly, she slid her arms around his neck, hugging him close, relieved to be able to. "I love you Kid. I'm glad you did ask, I didn't realize it was that obvious. And seeing you like that, I, well I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid you knowing would gross you out. I thought it'd go away eventually. I thought it was jus me being tired and - you know."

"I know, sweetie, you've been through a lot. We've both been through a lot we never discussed. But Lou, if we're gonna be married we have to talk to each other. You can't think you might be hurting me by telling the truth, you're hurting me more by taking it all onto yourself. I wanna be there for you, Lou. Like you're there for me. I need to be there for you." Looking into her eyes, he waited for her to give him a sign of consent.

Her lips trembled slightly as she nodded her consent. "Yeah Kid, I know. Next time I'll talk, I promise. But remember, the same goes for you!" She eyed him demandingly, realizing how absurd their discussion really was. He was the silent one, hell half the time she had to squeeze words out of him. And then, like now, he knew just the right words to make everything all right. She'd just have to get used to the fact. His ways of communicating were just different, he acted instead of talking.

He held her close and laid himself to his side, pulling her with him to rest. "Just remember Lou, nothing you can say will hurt me more than you not saying it."

With a sigh she sank down at his side, just looking at him, her hand sliding down from around his neck to rest on his chest, feeling the heartbeats. For the longest time, they lay there, touching each other lightly, their gazes exploring each other. Content to be this close, content to hold each other. His hand sliding down her side to rest on her hip, no demands, just a need to feel. Her fingers started to draw patterns on his chest, tickling him until he chuckled and stopped her hand.

Lou smiled back at him, her fingers playing with the curls on his chest. He leaned in closer and kissed the skin through her T-shirt, just above the nipple. A soft kiss, the lips barely touching her. A tingle ran trough her at the touch, a tenderness mixed with the familiar need starting to build within her.

Kid smiled at her visible shudder and let his lips travel. Lightly he kissed her through the fabric, avoiding her most sensitive spots. Just kissing the valley between her breasts, following her chest up to her neck, the jawline and finally her lips. She giggled as he placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Her fingers entwining in his locks, drawing his face closer to hers. She kissed him tentatively, sinking into the feeling of him. The tingling increasing within her.

Letting her fingers trail down his broad shoulders, onto his chest, sliding down his abdomen, amazed at how good it felt. The two of them, it was just right. Just what she needed.

Kid groanedwhens her hands felt him up.

Lou smiled and opened her mouth to let him deepen the kiss, still hesitant that the images wouldn't assault her as she felt her body starting to warm up by his caresses. His tongue softly exploring her, having her moan into his mouth when his hands traveled in under her shirt, touching her bare skin. The warmth of his palm spread from his hand all over her abdomen, sending her nipples erect and her hips tensed in anticipation. Straining to get closer to him, her fingers clasped at his arm, her hips rising ever so slightly as she deepened the kiss further. His nipples now erect as she let her thumbs caress them.

He groaned deep in his throat as he broke the kiss off, hungry lips traveling down her torso, hands freeing her of her T-shirt, hotness spreading all over her as his lips closed over her tender nipple. Tongue rolling over the delicate skin before he suckled it into the heat of his eager mouth. Lou closed her eyes and let her hands travel over his back, down to the waistband of his boxers, slipping in underneath and stroking the smooth skin of his lumbar, down over the rounding of his tensed butt.

"Oh please Kid," she panted when his mouth freed her nipple, the cool of the air burning as he slid down her body. Having her lose her grip on him. "No don't go," she mumbled, "please don't go anywhere."

His tongue trailing a circle around her bellybutton, hands inching her black cotton undies over her hips.

"So sexy," Kid groaned, lowering her all but seducing fashion statement over her knees.

"Hardly," Lou giggled, looking at him struggling to free her of the last of her clothing. Her breath catching as his large hands followed the lines of her legs, his touch releasing a craving for more.

"Yes, you are love," Kid mumbled and bent down to suckle on her skin.

Lou's head fell back onto the pillow as lips nibbled her tenderly from the hipbone down to the juncture of her thigh and groin. Nuzzling the mount that was aching of need, her hunger pulsating between her legs. Her breath growing uneven as her body readied itself for him, the tension slowly building inside her, she tilted her hips to his mouth. Heat gathering in her lower abdomen, a delicious promise of ecstasy. Her fingers finding a flexing muscle on his back. Groaning she let her palm rub the hot skin.

"Oh God please," she begged anew as he kissed the curls tenderly, teasing her into moaning loudly before finding the spot that had her legs tremble. Her back arched and she let out strangled sounds as he devoured her tenderly. Licking and suckling her till the tension in her burst into a stifled scream as he made her leap weightlessly over the brink. Gasping his name as her body cramped deliciously, sending her mumbling incoherently. Her fingers digging into the sheets, he looked smilingly at her while she dwelled in midst of the orgasm. Kissing her abdomen when she retreated from the voyage. She sank shuddering and content back to the mattress.

"I want you so bad, Lou," he whispered jaggedly to her as he laid himself over her tenderly, resting both his legs around her still trembling thigh, having her sense his arousal straining to get free. "Please, can I make love to you?"

Her breath still coming in long raspy heaves, she slid down her hands to free him of the last piece of clothing, longing to feel him totally naked against her, feel his arousal throb against her. Her hands slithering the fabric over his hips, down his strong legs, finally freeing him completely.  
"Oh God, yes," she panted as he rubbed his erection on her thigh, rising her expectations at the sensation of his craving.

Her hands exploring him, hungrily traveling over him, her lips suckling on the tender spot on his neck. Traveling to his lips, kissing him breathless. Hungrily devouring him, positioning herself for the taking, letting him know she needed him, and she needed him now. "Please Kid, come inside of me."

Sliding his hands under her shoulder blades, Kid held on to her as he pushed against her. She titled her hips to guide him right, shuddering as she felt him enter slowly. Whimpers leaving her as he made her flood him with her arousal, the slow entry allowing her to enjoy every sensation to the fullest. His raspy breath on her cheek, the hands on her back, his tensed legs, the flat abdomen stroking hers and his manhood widening her. His body's tightness over her. His eyes, closing in bliss.

Kid watched her intently, afraid she'd stiffen in fear under him. But her eyes called out for him and her hands on his buttocks pushed him deeper inside of her. Closing his eyes he felt her moist folds welcome him, making him shiver as she gasped his name and her hips rose to meet him.

"Lou, sweetheart, no hurry," he panted, desperate to give her pleasure, "I'm so close."

Lou bit down on her lips not to push too much, wanting to prolong their union, wanting him to climb that mountain with her, reaching the top along side of her. And she was going too fast. Her hunger for him had returned full force and there was no way she could have too much of him. She would never have too much of him. His gentle strokes inside of her fueling her hunger until she had to bite down on her lip not to scream out her lust.

Her hands found his thrusting hips and the strength in his moves had her whining. His eyes half-closed as he leaned in to kiss her hotly. Her pulse rising promptly as the heat spread and her hips automatically increased the pace. His whole body touching her as they met in the midst of the passionate search for completion. Needing more of him, she nibbled at his neck, eliciting a low rumble of pleasure to escape him. He closed his eyes and thrust deeper inside of her, slowing his pace, shaking his head slightly as if to clear it. Her hands clasped at his buttocks again, forcing him deeper inside of her.

"Oh Kid, please," she whined breathlessly. "Please-please-please," she mumbled, meeting eagerly with every stroke, not knowing what she was saying, knowing only that he was pushing her relentlessly towards the peak. His eyes that held her gaze were almost black, hazed. Pupils fully dilated from the intense pleasure. The sight of him driving her higher and higher up that mountain, his groans mingling with her begging, until she drew a deep quivering breath and tensed her body to his. The release starting from deep within her and she called out his name, waves repeatedly washing over her, making her body twitch uncontrollably against his. Her hot nectar flooding. Her vision fading, her screams only partially silenced as he captured them with his mouth when she came.

"I love you Lou," he mumbled hoarsely over her mouth, his slow strokes caressing her tenderly. Rocking her steadily deeper into the hot waves, intensifying them. He barely moved inside her while she contracted hungrily around him. Filling her up completely, he thrust in time with her shuddering gasps for air. His chest caressing her nipples as he pushed inside her, his body tightening, the release closing in on him. Lou gripped his hips and met him in a deep hard thrust, swallowing him eagerly. Feeling him hard and hot inside her made her continue to spasm, silently exploding around him.  
"Mm-m-h," she moaned breathlessly as she felt his hot answer flooding her. Kid sinking onto her, his hips grounded to hers as he hid his face at her neck and released inside her, stifling his own roar towards her neck while her raspy labored breathing echoed in the room.

She felt him on top of her, his heart pumping wildly, his breath fast and hot on her neck, his body tensing as shivers ran through him while his hands on her back held her close to his chest. Enveloping her.

Resting in the embrace, she smiled. The retreating waves had her contract again around him, softly squeezing him. "Uh-h," she exhaled, surprised at the sensation, shifting so she was sure he wouldn't slide out of her. Letting her pelvis sink and captivate him. Kid groaned, lips resting on the pulsating vein on her neck.

Lou closed her eyes and let her lips nibble softly on his shoulder. Kid's content mumble making her tenderly kiss the spot she was handling. Her body feeling heavy and content. Sluggishly entwining her arms around his waist, she mumbled "my sweet grizzly bear," to his neck and held him close to her. Burying her nose in the crook of his neck, deeply inhaling his scent, enjoying their completion. Reveling in his heartbeat against her. Still dwelling in the aftermath, sensing him soften inside her, enjoying his weight that pinned her lovingly to the mattress.

"I love you Lou," Kid mumbled as he rose weakly to his elbows, shifting his hips so he slid out of her.

"Noooo," Lou protested.

Kid smiled and kissed her lips, "Lou, sweetie, you need some sleep." Looking down on her, with a soft smile letting his lips brush just above her erect nipple before turning back to watch her flushed face. His hands still under her shoulder blades, keeping her in a tight embrace. "Tomorrow love, tomorrow you can have me for as long as you want to. I promise. But tonight you need to sleep."

Lou felt she lacked all words to tell him what she felt. Nothing she had to say would allow her to express her true feelings. Nothing that could make the man holding her, realize how much he meant to her. Cupping his face in her hands she merely nodded, hoping he's feel her love, just like she felt his. Reaching to place a tender kiss on his lips, hoping he'd know. Kid rested his forehead on hers, gazing into her eyes. At the expression in her eyes, he smiled and rolled to his side, nestling her into his arms. Kissing her back as she settled in his hold.

"We gotta find our own place Lou, this bed is falling apart," he commented lazily.

"What?"

"Listen."

His hips thrust twice against her buttocks, making the bed squeak loud in protest.

"Oh God," Lou panted, "I never heard that!"

"No," Kid chuckled warmly, "you were screaming too loud, sweetheart. I'm tellin' you, we gotta find our own place, they'll never let us live through this."

Lou rolled around in his arms, glaring at him. "You're not so quiet yourself Kid, maybe we should keep to the barn?"

"I promise to make our future bedroom soundproof, then you can scream all you like," Kid teased.

"Says the one that sounds like a bear," Lou mumbled to his chest.

"I know Lou," Kid mumbled to her hair. "I love it when you scream, I'll handle Noah and Rachel, I promise. Get some sleep Lou, I promise you there won't be any nightmares tonight."

Lou raised her head to look at him. "You knew that too?"

"We sleep in the same bed, love, hard not to notice," Kid murmured to her temple. "But not tonight Lou, I promise."

Lou sank back into his lap, feeling completely safe. "What would I ever do without you?" she asked.

"Well, ya wouldn't have had the nightmares to begin with," Kid remarked sleepily.

"All I'da had's an unbroken bed," Lou mumbled sleepily as she turned and eased herself into his hold. "Umm-m," she murmured as his arms came around her, making her head rest on his shoulder. Exactly where she wanted him. Tomorrow she would read the diary to its end too, she had been putting that up for weeks. She had been putting up living for weeks, but now she was ready. She needed to know. She had always needed to know. Louise had taken Kid for granted back then, but she wasn't that woman. She was somebody else and she was able to cherish each moment, she knew how sacred life was.

 

Kid covered her with the wrinkled covers, smiling as she crept up close to him. Stroking her hair till her breath got even and deep, then he kissed her neck and remain looking at her drifting off into a sound sleep.


	45. Chapter 45

The EA hummed irritably on the nightstand, accompanied with the light snores of the man besides her. She smiled when she looked at him, normally a light sleeper it seemed he now struggled to wake up. She giggled at him burying his face deeper into the pillow and mumbling something. Her hand went over to the nightstand and took the EA, it all happened automatically, in fluid movements.

The voice in her ear was Rachel's, and she could hear the tone of amusement in it.

"Lou, it's 10 am and you better come down right away!"

"Huh?" She groaned.

"Your Mom is here."

"What?" She rose into a sitting position so fast that the already unstable bed shook and squeaked. "Oh my God, what's she doing here?" Scrambling out of bed, she searched for her clothes. Why it bothered her that she had slept in precisely the morning her Mom had arrived, bugged her. After all, she was a big girl now. That she just had spent the night with the man now looking at her with bleary eyes, hair standing straight up, and a hickey on his neck bugged her even more. If her Mom came up here now she'd never hear the end of it. "Just keep her down there," she mumbled to Rachel at the other end, while fighting to get herself presentable. "I'm coming!"

"What?" Kid asked, still bleary eyed, "where you off..."

"Stay put!" she ordered him, already halfway out the door, "gotta go!"

She sprinted down the stars.

And there she was, sitting at Jimmy's side, a cup of cafs in her hand, the valise still at her feet. Lou groaned at the insight that almost everybody was gathered in the kitchen, looking at her amused as she stumbled in. Lou crossed the kitchen floor, rubbing her eyes, trying to smooth out her hair that was just in as bad a style as Kid's had been. "Mom?"

"Louise!" The woman rose and stretched her hands out. "My baby-girl, it's been so long!"

Lou smirked at the 'baby girl' and was immediately drawn into an embrace that she answered with warmth. "Mom, what are you doin' here?"

Mary Elisabeth McCloud, smiled even broader and rocked her little girl. "You didn't come home like you promised last time, you have no time to answer my calls, you won't be home for Christmas, did you ever really leave me any choice?"

"But Ma! You could have told me!"

"I'm telling you now, I'm here to spend Christmas with you." Finally she released a slightly embarrassed daughter and held her at an arms length. Scrutinizing her, just like Lou remembered she always did when she visited.

"Mom," she smiled at the familiarity, "you gotta stop springing these surprises on me!"

"Lou?"

A familiar voice behind her back had her turn. What was standing in front of her had not bothered to put on any shoes, or comb his hair, or button his shirt. The collar of his shirt was half tucked into the whitish T-shirt underneath, the hickey on his neck shining like a red, fatally misplaced, Christmas-tree decoration. Lou groaned inwardly.

Jimmy laughed at the table.

"Mom, this is....I mean this is somebody I've been meaning to tell ...."

"Mom?" Kid asked, taking a step back. His eyes wide as they darted back to Lou.

"Uh, Mom, this is Kid, and we're, well we're kinda..."

"This is him?" Mary Elisabeth McCloud asked, leaning forward to get a better look.

"What?" Kid huffed, glancing at Lou, trying to simultaneously button his shirt and straighten out is hair. "Your Mom?"

Lou looked between the two of them, the glare warning her Mom not to be too harsh. "Mom, Kid, Kid, Mom." Her finger pointing rapidly between the two of them at her introduction.

Kid looked like he wanted to run away. And he didn't even know about the hickey that was glaring at Lou. She took a step up to him and adjusted the collar so it would cover it. It just refused to do so, and Lou sighed. Kid looked at her, clearly wondering.

"Well," Mary Elisabeth finally broke the awkward silence; "Nice to meet you."

Kid wiped his hand off on his trousers, an old habit that Lou now wished he had forgot, before he took the outstretched hand.

Jimmy's badly concealed snort of laughter reached her from the table and Lou turned to send him the proverbial dagger. What she saw was Amanda and Rachel slumped over the table, their shoulders shaking. Noah stood at the counter, a cup of cafs in his hand, a leer on his face. Teaspoon in the office door, sadly shaking his head. Sam's frenetic avoidance of her glare very talkative. She frowned.

"Enchanted," Kid answered while taking her mother's hand. His eyes downcast, the other hand going up to his hair, in a last effort to make the unruly strays stay out of his face.

"You need a haircut," Mary Elisabeth McCloud admonished the young man in front of her.

"Yes Ma'am," the aforementioned admitted.

"Mom!" Lou protested.

"And you should really cover that hickey up with something." Mary Elisabeth McCloud let go of the young man's hand and pointed to his neck.

Lou wanted to die.

"E-Excuse me?" Kid stammered and looked over in Lou's direction. A clear plea for some kind of life saving action from her side.

"Doesn't look very professional," Mary Elisabeth McCloud smiled at the fidgeting young man.

"It's not a hickey Mom," Lou hissed, "it's a...it's a..."

"Well, you should know," Mary Louise McCloud calmly pointed out. "Aren't your feet cold?" She asked, looking down at Kid's bare feet.

"I'm sorry Mrs. McCloud," Kid got out, seeming to excuse the woman in front of him for his mere existence."I w asn't prepared ..."

"I'm sure you weren't," Mary Elisabeth McCloud smiled."Who was? But please, call me M.E, and go get some shoes on before you catch a cold, we have a Christmas to celebrate you know."

"C'mon," Lou turned back to the man left alone under her mother's inspection, gripping the sleeve of his shirt hard and turning him around so fast he almost stumbled over his own feet. "I told you to stay put," she winced.

She dragged him up the stairs, mumbling to herself at the outburst of joy in the kitchen. Reaching the top of the stairs, she turned to him. "I'm sorry, Kid!"

He draped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder, letting out a rush of air. Lou patted his shoulder comfortingly.

"Lou, do I really have a hickey?" he asked in a muffled voice.

"Yes," Lou replied and started giggling wildly. Leaning into him, she buried her face at his neck. Bubbling. His hair tickling her, reminding her of her mother's words. Mary Elisabeth McCloud never missed a thing. "And it's huge too."

"Wonderful," Kid sighed and Lou embraced him tighter, having to hold onto him so she wouldn't fall into a laughing heap on the top of the stairs.

 

 

 

"So when did it happen?"

Lou threw a glance at her mother, but her eyes were pointed out the window, watching the somewhat messy scene of a vet and a protor trying to get horses used to the sound of ringing bells.

"It, what?" Lou replied, bent over the noppo, trying to decipher the codes on the screen, counting buffalo off a satscan, a job Kid had weaseled out of because of the training. He'd have to pay for it, with interest, later.

"They're spooking that poor animal," her Mom shook her head sadly. "They'll never have that one trained in two days."

"Jimmy and Kid'll get the job done," Lou declared trustingly. "And Duchess is a bit jumpy at first, she'll calm down later. Problem is we need more than one horse if we're having two sleighs, and we have only one truly trained pulling horse."

"You sound so confident, sweetheart, you've changed so much since you came out here."

Lou glanced back at her mother, letting the noppo rest on the table while she rose and walked over to the window, joining her mother in watching the process outside.

"Things changed, Mom, not me."

Her mother pulled her into an embrace; "I know."

"About Pa..."

"Shhh, Louise, I've done some soul-searching since I found out all the details. It wasn't his fault, they were tampering with his mind. How could he have fought that? How could we fight something we didn't know about?"

Lou leaned her head on her mother's strong shoulder. "I'm sorry for all the things he did to you."

"Oh baby-girl, I was big enough to do something about it, what I hate is the fact that I didn't see what he did to you. I still hate him, and I hate those who did it to him for what they made happen to you. How it formed you, I saw it, I also know now that much of your feelings towards men in general came from me. And that was wrong."

"No Mom, it wasn't, it taught me take care of myself, it taught me independence and self-reliance, how could that be wrong?"

"You flaunt that self-reliance a little too fiercely at times, girl."

She turned to look at her mother's stoic face; "What'ya mean, Mom?"

"You might have missed out on life."

"Because I'm not about to let anyone trample all over me? No, Mom, thanks to you I know who I am, what I want and I don't need anybody to....?"

"Because when you look at Kid your eyes glitter. I have never seen that before."

"Mom!" Lou felt her cheeks blush.

"You love him, don't you?"

"Well yeah, kinda..."

"Well you always had a soft spot for wavy hair and intense eyes." Her mother chuckled. "Guess it runs in the family."

"Ma, I need you to promise me one thing, don't go having a talk with Kid or something. Like you had with Sean, please don't do that!"

"I don't have to," Mary Elisabeth McCloud responded softly. "I can see he loves you, if he came this far he'll stay forever, he's that kind of man."

"I hope so," Lou answered wholeheartedly.

They remain for a moment in comfortable silence, looking out the window. Watching Jimmy and Kid walking Duchess round and round the yard, till finally Jimmy seated himself in the sleigh and took the reins. Kid alone walking the horse, then he let go of the reins and stepped aside. Duchess continued calmly and Jimmy flicked the reins and Duchess fell into a calm balanced trot.

"I told you they'd do it," Lou smiled.

 

 

 

"Sam, we're never getting this thing done in time," Buck moaned and picked out the umpteenth splint that had found its way into the tender flesh between his thumb and index finger

"Buck, when a woman says she wants somethin' done, what do you do?" Sam groaned.

"You run?" Ike muttered, "pay someone else to do it? Pray?"

Buck laughed, "it's that why you promised Em she'd be picked up with a sleigh?"

Automatically Ike glanced at his watch.

"Another hour, bro," Buck leered.

"Just don't be late," Sam muttered. "That'll put you in the dog house for sure. Buck, are those side bars done yet?"

"Yes, and so am I!"

"Hold on a minute, you have to help nail them too, young man." Sam muttered while turning a sturdy piece of wood in his hands, squinting as if that would make him see where it was to be put.

"Driver's seat," Buck advised. "I don't even celebrate Christmas!"

"Is that why you had me hauled through all the shops in town looking for the perfect present?" Ike wondered innocently.

"Ike," Buck warned.

"So he knows?" Sam threw a glance in Ike's direction.

"About 'what a woman wants a woman gets'? Big time."

Sam chuckled.

"I hate Christmas," Buck declared. "Sam, hand me that hammer, this thing over here is coming loose."

The crash from outside the door had them all turn their heads. The invectives that followed had them snigger.

"Cody?" Sam asked.

"I hate Christmas!" was the prompt answer from outside.

"What now?" Buck laughed.

The door opened and a disheveled young man appeared, silver glittering decorations draped over his hair. "Would somebody get the beast?"

"Huh?" Sam furrowed his brow.

"Belle!" Cody spat out in frustration and sheer disgust, "it's the third time she attacks the ladder. It's not funny anymore."

"I thought you locked her in?" Ike said with a knowing grin.

Cody shot him a deadly glare.

"Oh, let me guess," Buck intervened, "she finally took to your 'open the latch' training?"

Cody turned around and stalked away, leaving a trail of irritated mumbles behind. "I am a fully trained logger in the respectable HuRec organization, I should not have to climb ladders and put decorations up in a freaking barn! I should be allowed to have some dignity and ...Belle!"

All three left in the shed jumped at the sudden increase in volume.

"If you don't start behaving, I will feed you Jimmy's gluey porridge for your entire existence!"

"Ah, the peace and understanding around the holidays," Buck leered and drew the last nail into the driver's seat.

 

 

 

It was two nights before Christmas, the night was still. Snowflakes fell softly through the air, dancing in the cold air, illuminating the night. The house threw rectangular light out on the drifts, diffusing with the haze of the apple-tree in full candlelight blossom. Straining your ears you were able to hear a melody seeping out from the house, a solemn tune of joy and festivity.

Inside the dark shed, six men sat huddled up on bales of hay. They all stared at the house with fear in their eyes, like it was the stairwell to hell. The air was so cold that their breath formed clouds of mist, still nobody moved. Occasionally you could hear a sigh as someone shifted position, or see a brief flash of light as someone took a glance at a watch. They had been sitting there for a very long time.

"I'm hungry," the one who dared break the silence was met with glares and desperate shushes. Cody glared right back and his stomach added weight to his utterance.

Another long silence followed.

Suddenly one of the mean straightened himself and looked around in panic. His mouth opened and the cloud of mist grew around him as he defended himself of the verbal attack on the other end of the EA. "I'm sorry...yes I know....I'm still trying to. Yes, I know.....It's very late, I know....yes I should have called....but you see.....yes, of course.....will not happen again I assure....tomorrow, yes.....I promise......of course I do......yes honey.....why I'm whispering?...Well I'm kind of in the...no,no,no, nothing like that! It's just that ....I'm in the henhouse feeding the...I am.....it's told that if disturbed....I swear, the vet told ....of course....miss you....I swear.....yes, honey, I will, of course....goodnight."

"The one I helped you hunt the present for?" a voice wondered.

"Hmph," was the somewhat embarrassed admission. "Kid, if you get a call tomorrow you know what to say."

Somebody sniggered. A chorus of 'shut ups' followed and the silence was restored.

Then the sighs started, accompanied with grunts and changing of positions.

"How long have we been out here?" Irritation evident in the whisper.

"Why aren't those people going to bed?"

"Think about Sam and Teaspoon, they're still in there!"

"Well at least they're not freezin' their butts off." The irritation somewhat calmed now.

"Getting food poisoning more likely."

"Along with carol overdose."

"Any medication for that, Noah?"

"Oh geez!" A rustle as somebody rose and leaned into the door, the squeaking of wood as three pairs of eyes tried to peek through the slit.

"Someone's coming."

"Here?"

"Of course they're coming here," someone hissed.

"How do they know we're here?" Panic setting in.

"Maybe the tracks lead them here?" A slight sarcasm revealed.

"Shhhh!"

"How many of them?"

The answer got drenched in the rustled of grown men retreating and mumbles of 'oh God', 'we're doomed' and various variations of silent praying swept over the group.

The door was flung open and three bright flashlights blinded the condemned.

"What are you doin' here?"

"Where's the wood? I asked you an hour ago!"

"We have guests you know!"

The angered voices revealed the two involuntary elves and the self-proclaimed red-haired leader.

"We...we..we were fixing the sleigh, that's right, Jimmy here remembered something that needed to...."

The flashlight moved and landed on the mentioned face, having him peer into the strong light.

"Jimmy," Amanda's voice was deadly calm, "if you don't get your butt outta here and into the house I'm gonna confiscate the gun, use it on you and have you parade Sweetwater, clad in the present I brought you for Christmas. Understood?"

The look on Jimmy's face told them he believed every word the woman apoke and that the prospect wasn't appealing. The man next to him chuckled as Jimmy filed out.

"Kid!" Lou's voice was as accusing as the flashlight on his face, "you deserted me!"

"No honey, I didn't, Jimmy just pointed out..."

"Please don't drag me into this any further," the man held firmly by his collar, moaned.

"Oh shut up you fool, you went to feed the horses two hours ago! Didn't find your way back, huh? Well I'm telling you there's a lot of things you'll be missing this Christmas if you don't get yourself in there right now. And Ike, your fiancee is baking a cake for you and pondering on how much rat poison to put in it. I told her to put a whole package of it in there, coz' you guys are pitiful!"

"But Lou, it's all that caroling and..."

"Shut up, Kid!"

"Noah, the wood!"

"Yes, ma'am, the wood is coming right up!"

"But Lou, your Mom truly hates my..."

"Don't ma'am me you lazy excuse of a man!"

"Well Kid, if it's any consolation, right at this minute, so do I."

"Buck and Cody! I see you in there, don't even think about it."

"Amanda, I was just...."

"Get a move on!"

The raised voice gave them no alternative, they found themselves trudging up to the house, following the women's lead. Their shoulders sloping, their feet dragging. When the door opened and "O Come all Ye Faithful" almost knocked them off their feet, they simultaneously sighed and succumbed to what they feared the most right now, red Santa caps, onslaught of Christmas traditions and the ire of women scorned.


	46. Original ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Due to the massive outrage at the ending of this story, which I, Starbright take full responsibility for, we did make another ending. A happy one. That version is found in chapter 47.
> 
> Thank you for reading.  
> Auld Lang Syne - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvJRmdN9iyU&playnext=1&list=PLC02586E89BD4CA0B

"Mom!" Lou protested for the tenth time in five minutes. "I will call you, I promise! But if you don't get to that ASA right now, it'll take of and we're in the middle of nowhere here, there won't be another for days and you'll be stuck here and miss Evelyn's new years party."

Kid grinned at her from behind her mother's back. Lou answered his smirk with a pout.

"I'll help you with that bag Mrs. McCloud," he offered.

Mary Elisabeth McCloud's head shot up from her frenetic trial to close the bag. "Mrs. McCloud? You never learn, do you Kid? M.E for goodness sake, can't you try and call me that?"

"Yes," Kid nodded.. "Of course Mrs....."

"That man is dense," Lou's mother sighed and glared at Lou, "makes me feel a hundred years old, even tried to help me down the stairs yesterday."

"Well Mom, you did slip and land nose first a couple of days ago, you're lucky you didn't break any ribs!"

"Nobody told me the ground would turn to ice around here, still doesn't make me incapable of gettting down the stairs! That time I was very fast taking them, the landing wasn't that perfect thou', but I'll learn. Now if I only could get this suitcase closed...."

Lou stomped down forcefully on the lid, making the lock click shut immediately.

Kid let out a low whistle "You do kick worse than Katy."

Lou laughed.

"Will I ever get that case opened again?" M.E. McCloud asked, and shook her head. "You have some serious schooling to do if you wanna make a respectable young lady out of that one," she continued to Kid, zipping her coat.

Kid smiled sweetly and shook his head. "Naw, I'll take her just the way she is."

M.E. McCloud returned the smile and took two steps to enclose her daughter into her arms. "I know he will," she chuckled. "I don't know if he'll survive it thou'."

"Mom!" Lou protested again, but returned the hug. "You gotta run now, and give Evelyn my love. And don't do nothing I wouldn't do!"

"Very funny Louise," her mother smirked, giving her a last hug. "And I'll walk to that darned ASA myself, thank you. And you call, you hear!"

"Of course."

With a last pat on Kid's shoulder and a wheezed 'remember what I told you' she was out of the door, letting in a puff of freezing air before walking briskly to the vessel outside.

"So what she tell you?" Lou asked as Kid walked up and draped his arms around her, their eyes following Mrs. McCloud's itinerary.

"To get a haircut before the wedding."

Looking up at his face, she studied him closely, the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth while he looked out the window, following the woman's stride over the yard.

"Well, are you?"

"Of course, I wouldn't want to risk what she promised me if I don't, I kinda got the idea from where you might have gotten your language and vivid descriptions of possible bodily harm."

Lou chuckled. "Kid, she always had that talk with anybody I ever go out with."

"Go out with?" He looked briefly at her.

"Went out with, don't get literal with me now. You know what I mean, she's just like me, barks louder than she bites."

"You bite pretty good," Kid laughed, lifting her slightly off ground. "They're off."

Her feet dangling in the air, like she was a child, she squirmed. "Let go, I'm not..."

"Ahem," Buck appeared in the doorway, a teasing expression on his face as Kid let Lou down and turned to the speaker.

"Whenever you two are through making out, there's work to be done y'know."

"Course," Kid admitted, casting a guilty glance over at Lou. "Ike still going with Lou?"

"At your demand," Buck leered and pushed the involuntary vet onwards. "Just go get your gear."

"What?" Lou asked, trudging behind them into the office, what'ya mean 'at your request'?"

"Did you really think Kid would let you go all alone to the Benson's in this kind of weather?" Buck chuckled. "Emily's tagging along too so you'll be safe."

"Kid," Lou groaned, "not again! I still have to do my work around here, you know."

"Yeah, but not alone you ain't," Kid mumbled, "and Ike's goin' in the direction anyways so I, ouch!"

"Damn you Kid, I already have a mother!"

"Just put this on before you go." A thermoblanket was draped over her head and she didn't manage to emerge until the two were gone and Emily stood before her, looking quizzically at her new attire. "You ready?"

Lou nodded and sighed, Kid would eventually have to pay for it, with considerable interest. His whole life if she had any saying in the matter. She smiled smugly as she followed Emily to put on her winter gear and get to work, there was a lot of work to be done in the mere three days before new years eve and the official reports to HuRec headquarters.

Lou groaned at the thought of the pile of work she had stacked up on her desk, the whole Christmas thing had gotten far out of hand and no work whatsoever had been done. Pulling on her boots, she tried to forget about the memoslots that should have been sent to HuRec three days ago. Kid had the right idea, never carry the EA, saved you a lot of explaining.

"Oh brother," Emily exclaimed when she opened the door. "Is it even possible to breathe in this cold?"

Lou stuck her head out and sniffed the air, it was beyond freezing, closer to something like permafrost. "You sure you wanna move out here?"

With a decisive gesture Emily pulled the woolen hat over her ears and walked out. "Nothing is stopping Emily Metcalfe from becoming a pioneer. Nothing. Period."

Lou chuckled and ran behind her, the snow crunching under her feet. "So when's the wedding? I'd love to know."

Emily turned to her and smiled, "and when's yours?"

"As soon as my mother gets the place, my dress and the appropriate setting decided." Lou smirked. "Kid wanted to get to town and get married New Year's Eve but Mom almost flew through the roof when she heard it. Told him I was her only daughter and if there was anything she demanded was the right to have a proper wedding, with guests and a cake and everything."

"Mothers!" Emily groaned, "they're all the same! Mine is demanding it be this summer, she's read about outdoor weddings and now she's dying to have one. I told her she could always remarry Pa but I don't think she got the hint. So this summer it'll be, and I'm sure it will rain all day long."

"I'm afraid aunt Evelyn will be drunk and make a spectacle out of herself, she's rather known for that. And I have to invite her, she's and Mom are all the family I have left."

"Except for these ones," Emily smiled, ad Ike and Jimmy emerged in the barn door, hopping to keep their warmth up. The horse behind them rugged so only the ears were visible. "But it's a great family really, althou' a bit crazy at times."

"Have you ever heard Teaspoon's sermons about the discourses and the cultural impact on human behavior?" Lou asked innocently.

"No, is it bad?" Emily asked with a wrinkled brow, "and what does that mean exactly?"

"It means that you'd probably have dropped the 'a bit' from your earlier sentence."

"I think my toes are frozen to the soles," Jimmy groaned as they reached hearing distance. "I need some cafs at once, where's Emma? Why do I always get stuck with the weirdest tasks?"

"Coz' Cody is nowhere to be seen, sound familiar?" Ike muttered. "You better check on them hogs too, Jimmy. I won't have the time, I'm already late."

"And then they have all kinds of weird demands," Lou said, "and the cooking talent is utterly lacking from every male in this congregation."

"Says the one that was banned from the kitchen area last week after burning two entire plates of cookies to crisps," Jimmy leered.

"Welcome to our family!" Lou chirped.

"Quit trying to scare her away," Ike mumbled from somewhere inside the over-sized coat.

"Come on Polar-bear," Emily said and hooked her arm around Ike's, "we'll be done in a jiffy, I promise."

"How cute!" Jimmy groaned and rolled his eyes. "I'm getting sick of all this lovey-dovey thing around here."

"Get the hogs Jimmy! Lou ordered and followed the pair to the sleigh. Laughing. And she understood how immensely happy she was right now. How content with life. She never wanted this to end. She wasn't lacking anything, she was finally home, in all senses. The horse ready to go, they all silently seated themselves in the rugs. She laid back in the sleigh, the horse walking steadily, the vehicle sliding easily over the snow, the sky nearly white. Was life really this easy?

 

 

It was still dark when she opened her eyes to the last day of the year. The arms holding her, instantly reminding her that this year had changed her life, on so many levels. She had become different, so different from the woman she was that day she stepped out of the ASA and took the beauty in. Right now she couldn't phantom being locked inside a Cupola, each day the same, work and home, the same route every day, the same life everyday. A false security in not allowing herself to get attached to anyone or anything. Back in her old life, she had almost nothing she was truly afraid of losing, no Kid, no Lightning, no real friends, nothing she cared for more than herself. Not really. The security she thought she had back then had been so fragile, built upon controlled emotions, no bliss, or despair. An even life, a dull life.

She turned to watch him, surprised when he looked back at her.

"You awake?"

"No," he replied, "I think I'm still dreaming." Pulling her closer into his embrace, close to the steady beat of his heart.

"Mmmm," Lou breathed, laying her head on his chest, closing her eyes. "Who's making breakfast this morning?"

"Cody and Jimmy, I think."

"Geez, then I won't get up."

He laughed.

Smiling at his happy chuckle, she ground herself to him, needing to hold on forever. Closing her eyes as his hands nestled into her hair. Stroking it, caressing her, loving her. "Kid!"

"Yeah?"

"Promise we'll always wake up like this, together. I mean if someone isn't called away somewhere. Like a certain traitor I know." Pouting against the moving muscles on his chest.

"I promise love, we'll always wake up together, just like this. Me holding you and you pouting..."

"Hey!"

His chest moved with laughter.

"..and then we'll have Jimmy and Cody make us breakfast, right?"

Scooting up to her elbows to have a better view she frowned. "I'm serious."

His hands came to cup her face. Looking into her eyes steadily and finally nodding. "I promise, you know that already. I love you, want me to write it on the wall? And I'm so sorry I have to go, but we'll always have the next New Year's, and the next, and the next.." His lips close to hers, whispering the promise, the whispers fading as he came closer.

She closed her eyes and savored his love through his kiss, for a moment scared of the intensity, then letting herself go. Letting herself be rolled to her back and secured by strong arms. Hot breath on her cheek, mingling with her own. Tears forming in her eyes as their mutual need surfaced. Tears running freely as they sealed the love.

 

 

She hated the fact that he had to go on New Years Eve! What were they thinking? He should be with them and not on his way to some damned lecture overseas, picking up some gadget that could just as easily be sent. It just wasn't fair! Their first new year together and he wouldn't be there! "So in fact it's not our first new year together," she muttered. "I wonder if we ever will get one? Damned them!"

Standing by the window she saw snowflakes starting to fall, the rest of the boys in the kitchen rowdy and happy. Emily's voice trying to placate their mirth and get the work done.

Lou felt mad that she'd be standing alone when the clock struck twelve, she'd be standing there wishing Kid a happy new year. And Kid would be hours away from her.

Hearing him scurrying down the stairs, she walked to meet him, rearranging his muffler that was flapping. Taking her sweet time in winding it around his neck, meticulously and slowly, to keep him warm.

Smiling down at her, he kissed her lips; "I'm so sorry Lou, but I'll be back in two days."

"I know," she smiled encouragingly at him, it wasn't his fault.

"I'll make it up to you, I swear," he sent her one of his more teasing smiles.

"Just don't do anything I wouldn't do," she muttered, "and remember to come back to me."

He laughed and folded his free arm around her, walking her to the front door. Stopping to look at the boys in the kitchen, and shaking his head. "I wonder if the house is gonna stand when I come back?"

Lou chuckled and buried her nose in his warm coat.

"Hey guys, I'm off, take care of Lou for me will ya?" A brief glance in her direction followed by an "omph" as she pinched him.

Hands waving and shouts of 'Happy New Year' and 'Take care's' sailed through the room. Jimmy rose to make some odd signs.

"Yeah, yeah," Kid responded with a grin.

"What?" Lou asked.

"Promised to bring him something," Kid grinned, "but don't ask me what."

"You and your secrets," she didn't want to let go but they were right at the front door and it was cold outside. "Happy New Year Kid!"

He ruffled her hair and kissed her cheek, "I love you Lou. I wish you the best of years, with me."

Then he was out of the door and running to the ASA. She remain at the window, looking as he embarked and the light went from green to red. It rose and she pressed her nose to the window, making it fog. Somebody in the kitchen switched an EA onto public mode. Snapping herself a coat she stepped out to watch him fly away.

The cold outside made the ASA move slower, it took it's sweet time to rise and find the air-layer.

The vehicle high above them, only a small dot in the sky now, moving to the southeast. Slightly unstable in its course.

The sky flared up in green and orange, a thousand stars emerging in the gray sky like a firecracker going off too soon. A sound, like a wail of pain before window shattering thunder. Her fixing point dissolving, it still shone brightly, seeming to sparkle all by itself before it diluted into a pattern standing out sharply against the gray. Then turning pitch black, dispersing further before sinking like in slow-motion. The colors of the winter sky dimming the final flares and the lights going out.

The sound of a door opening behind her. People rushing out. Sharp intakes of breath. A sob from somewhere, a whimpered 'no' a cursed 'what the hell?'.

The snowflakes fell more thickly now, covering his tracks in the snow. The EA played "Auld Lang Syne". It was 2 hours to 2314.

Epilogue

It was still dark when she opened her eyes to the last day of her life. She knew it, and she was totally prepared for this. She was ready to go. The darkness was not in the room, her eyes had long ago lost the capability of seeing. It was like she sensed the twilight, like it was settling around her. And now she longed to leave the aching body.

"Mom, you awake?"

She didn't have the strength to nod so she just smiled.

"It's okay Mom, I'm here, I'll just give you your medicines and you'll feel better."

"No son, I'm ready now. No medicines any longer." The few words spoken took all her strength and she had to breathe deep to try and regain the energy to keep awake and ask him for one last favor.

"Mom?"

Her finger pointed at the old memoslot on the cover, hoping he would plug it in. Hoping he'd understand.

"All right, Mom."

His voice was thick and if she would have had the energy, she would have risen from the bed and taken him into her arms and soothed him. Just like she always did when he was a little tyke. Dying was a blessing, not a punishment, she hoped he's live his life so he'd understand this. When it was time to go, you were ready. There was nothing else holding her here, it was time to let go of everything and finally meet eternity.

"Remember?" Her voice was just a whisper now.

"Yes."

"Tell me."

"I will give the ICC the two memo's and ask for them to be cloned in different families, a year apart. I know, and I'll do it Mom, I promise."

She smiled in gratitude.

"But there's no guarantee you'll - I mean the two, the clones - will ever meet, Mom. There's no guarantee..."

"Hush son, this is my wish." She wanted to add, "we always did before" but she lacked the strength. But she knew, without any doubt that if there was a Kid and Louise in the world, they would find each other, they would find each other and love each other. Something she had been denied this time around, and she wanted them to live happily forever after. Like in a fairytale, and she would do her utmost to have it happen.

"I know Mom, I love you, I'll do what you ask, I'll see to it it happens."

He would, she knew he would. He was a good son, her joy and pride. She squeezed the hand that held hers tenderly and knew he'd understand she wanted to be alone, alone with the memories of the man she lost so long ago. The man she never quite forgot, her silent companion in life. Her shadow of sorts. She had lived a full life, she didn't regret anything, except losing him so soon. But still, he had been with her every step of the way, she had learned so much. Most of all she had learned to wait. Patience, she had learned patience and how to live in the moment. Kid had taught her all that. He had shown her so much in such a short time, and she was forever grateful for ever meeting him. If there was a heaven she wished she'd meet him again, to make up for all she lost that cold day.

Without a word her son rose and coupled the antique memoslot into her EA - into function.

She closed her eyes and let the memories take over her alpha-wave algorithms, transporting her back, taking over her senses. To that time so long ago, that time when she learned how to love and be loved. The year that changed her forever, the one she wanted to go back to and relive in eternity; the one that would constitute her personal paradise, if there was one. And now she was ready to find out.

Flickers  
Heat and dampness, thighs sticking to the fabric. Irritation. Concentration.  
Squeak  
Eyes moving to the sound, ears picking up the vibrating, transforming it, loss of focus. Anticipation.  
Breeze  
Closer. Heartbeat rising, skin sensitized. Palms getting sweaty. Quiver.  
Movement  
Touch. Breath catching, senses at a fever pitch, longing. Wanting.  
Warmth  
Scent. Maelstrom, heat and tingling, sight and touch. Need.  
Tension  
Taking. Explosion of sensations. Breathlessness. Frenzy  
White Light  
Ice burn and heat frost.  
Peace.


	47. Happy Ending

"Mom!" Lou protested for the tenth time in five minutes. "I will call you, I promise! But if you don't get to that ASA right now, it'll take of and we're in the middle of nowhere here, there won't be another for days and you'll be stuck here and miss Evelyn's new years party."

Kid grinned at her from behind her mother's back. Lou answered his smirk with a pout.

"I'll help you with that bag Mrs. McCloud," he offered.

Mary Elisabeth McCloud's head shot up from her frenetic trial to close the bag. "Mrs. McCloud? You never learn, do you Kid? M.E for goodness sake, can't you try and call me that?"

"Yes," Kid nodded.. "Of course Mrs....."

"That man is dense," Lou's mother sighed and glared at Lou, "makes me feel a hundred years old, even tried to help me down the stairs yesterday."

"Well Mom, you did slip and land nose first a couple of days ago, you're lucky you didn't break any ribs!"

"Nobody told me the ground would turn to ice around here, still doesn't make me incapable of gettting down the stairs! That time I was very fast taking them, the landing wasn't that perfect thou', but I'll learn. Now if I only could get this suitcase closed...."

Lou stomped down forcefully on the lid, making the lock click shut immediately.

Kid let out a low whistle "You do kick worse than Katy."

Lou laughed.

"Will I ever get that case opened again?" M.E. McCloud asked, and shook her head. "You have some serious schooling to do if you wanna make a respectable young lady out of that one," she continued to Kid, zipping her coat.

Kid smiled sweetly and shook his head. "Naw, I'll take her just the way she is."

M.E. McCloud returned the smile and took two steps to enclose her daughter into her arms. "I know he will," she chuckled. "I don't know if he'll survive it thou'."

"Mom!" Lou protested again, but returned the hug. "You gotta run now, and give Evelyn my love. And don't do nothing I wouldn't do!"

"Very funny Louise," her mother smirked, giving her a last hug. "And I'll walk to that darned ASA myself, thank you. And you call, you hear!"

"Of course."

With a last pat on Kid's shoulder and a wheezed 'remember what I told you' she was out of the door, letting in a puff of freezing air before walking briskly to the vessel outside.

"So what she tell you?" Lou asked as Kid walked up and draped his arms around her, their eyes following Mrs. McCloud's itinerary.

"To get a haircut before the wedding."

Looking up at his face, she studied him closely, the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth while he looked out the window, following the woman's stride over the yard.

"Well, are you?"

"Of course, I wouldn't want to risk what she promised me if I don't, I kinda got the idea from where you might have gotten your language and vivid descriptions of possible bodily harm."

Lou chuckled. "Kid, she always had that talk with anybody I ever go out with."

"Go out with?" He looked briefly at her.

"Went out with, don't get literal with me now. You know what I mean, she's just like me, barks louder than she bites."

"You bite pretty good," Kid laughed, lifting her slightly off ground. "They're off."

Her feet dangling in the air, like she was a child, she squirmed. "Let go, I'm not..."

"Ahem," Buck appeared in the doorway, a teasing expression on his face as Kid let Lou down and turned to the speaker.

"Whenever you two are through making out, there's work to be done y'know."

"Course," Kid admitted, casting a guilty glance over at Lou. "Ike still going with Lou?"

"At your demand," Buck leered and pushed the involuntary vet onwards. "Just go get your gear."

"What?" Lou asked, trudging behind them into the office, what'ya mean 'at your request'?"

"Did you really think Kid would let you go all alone to the Benson's in this kind of weather?" Buck chuckled. "Emily's tagging along too so you'll be safe."

"Kid," Lou groaned, "not again! I still have to do my work around here, you know."

"Yeah, but not alone you ain't," Kid mumbled, "and Ike's goin' in the direction anyways so I, ouch!"

"Damn you Kid, I already have a mother!"

"Just put this on before you go." A thermoblanket was draped over her head and she didn't manage to emerge until the two were gone and Emily stood before her, looking quizzically at her new attire. "You ready?"

Lou nodded and sighed, Kid would eventually have to pay for it, with considerable interest. His whole life if she had any saying in the matter. She smiled smugly as she followed Emily to put on her winter gear and get to work, there was a lot of work to be done in the mere three days before new years eve and the official reports to HuRec headquarters.

Lou groaned at the thought of the pile of work she had stacked up on her desk, the whole Christmas thing had gotten far out of hand and no work whatsoever had been done. Pulling on her boots, she tried to forget about the memoslots that should have been sent to HuRec three days ago. Kid had the right idea, never carry the EA, saved you a lot of explaining.

"Oh brother," Emily exclaimed when she opened the door. "Is it even possible to breathe in this cold?"

Lou stuck her head out and sniffed the air, it was beyond freezing, closer to something like permafrost. "You sure you wanna move out here?"

With a decisive gesture Emily pulled the woolen hat over her ears and walked out. "Nothing is stopping Emily Metcalfe from becoming a pioneer. Nothing. Period."

Lou chuckled and ran behind her, the snow crunching under her feet. "So when's the wedding? I'd love to know."

Emily turned to her and smiled, "and when's yours?"

"As soon as my mother gets the place, my dress and the appropriate setting decided." Lou smirked. "Kid wanted to get to town and get married New Year's Eve but Mom almost flew through the roof when she heard it. Told him I was her only daughter and if there was anything she demanded was the right to have a proper wedding, with guests and a cake and everything."

"Mothers!" Emily groaned, "they're all the same! Mine is demanding it be this summer, she's read about outdoor weddings and now she's dying to have one. I told her she could always remarry Pa but I don't think she got the hint. So this summer it'll be, and I'm sure it will rain all day long."

"I'm afraid aunt Evelyn will be drunk and make a spectacle out of herself, she's rather known for that. And I have to invite her, she's and Mom are all the family I have left."

"Except for these ones," Emily smiled, ad Ike and Jimmy emerged in the barn door, hopping to keep their warmth up. The horse behind them rugged so only the ears were visible. "But it's a great family really, althou' a bit crazy at times."

"Have you ever heard Teaspoon's sermons about the discourses and the cultural impact on human behavior?" Lou asked innocently.

"No, is it bad?" Emily asked with a wrinkled brow, "and what does that mean exactly?"

"It means that you'd probably have dropped the 'a bit' from your earlier sentence."

"I think my toes are frozen to the soles," Jimmy groaned as they reached hearing distance. "I need some cafs at once, where's Emma? Why do I always get stuck with the weirdest tasks?"

"Coz' Cody is nowhere to be seen, sound familiar?" Ike muttered. "You better check on them hogs too, Jimmy. I won't have the time, I'm already late."

"And then they have all kinds of weird demands," Lou said, "and the cooking talent is utterly lacking from every male in this congregation."

"Says the one that was banned from the kitchen area last week after burning two entire plates of cookies to crisps," Jimmy leered.

"Welcome to our family!" Lou chirped.

"Quit trying to scare her away," Ike mumbled from somewhere inside the over-sized coat.

"Come on Polar-bear," Emily said and hooked her arm around Ike's, "we'll be done in a jiffy, I promise."

"How cute!" Jimmy groaned and rolled his eyes. "I'm getting sick of all this lovey-dovey thing around here."

"Get the hogs Jimmy! Lou ordered and followed the pair to the sleigh. Laughing. And she understood how immensely happy she was right now. How content with life. She never wanted this to end. She wasn't lacking anything, she was finally home, in all senses. The horse ready to go, they all silently seated themselves in the rugs. She laid back in the sleigh, the horse walking steadily, the vehicle sliding easily over the snow, the sky nearly white. Was life really this easy?

 

 

It was still dark when she opened her eyes to the last day of the year. The arms holding her, instantly reminding her that this year had changed her life, on so many levels. She had become different, so different from the woman she was that day she stepped out of the ASA and took the beauty in. Right now she couldn't phantom being locked inside a Cupola, each day the same, work and home, the same route every day, the same life everyday. A false security in not allowing herself to get attached to anyone or anything. Back in her old life, she had almost nothing she was truly afraid of losing, no Kid, no Lightning, no real friends, nothing she cared for more than herself. Not really. The security she thought she had back then had been so fragile, built upon controlled emotions, no bliss, or despair. An even life, a dull life.

She turned to watch him, surprised when he looked back at her.

"You awake?"

"No," he replied, "I think I'm still dreaming." Pulling her closer into his embrace, close to the steady beat of his heart.

"Mmmm," Lou breathed, laying her head on his chest, closing her eyes. "Who's making breakfast this morning?"

"Cody and Jimmy, I think."

"Geez, then I won't get up."

He laughed.

Smiling at his happy chuckle, she ground herself to him, needing to hold on forever. Closing her eyes as his hands nestled into her hair. Stroking it, caressing her, loving her. "Kid!"

"Yeah?"

"Promise we'll always wake up like this, together. I mean if someone isn't called away somewhere. Like a certain traitor I know." Pouting against the moving muscles on his chest.

"I promise love, we'll always wake up together, just like this. Me holding you and you pouting..."

"Hey!"

His chest moved with laughter.

"..and then we'll have Jimmy and Cody make us breakfast, right?"

Scooting up to her elbows to have a better view she frowned. "I'm serious."

His hands came to cup her face. Looking into her eyes steadily and finally nodding. "I promise, you know that already. I love you, want me to write it on the wall? And I'm so sorry I have to go, but we'll always have the next New Year's, and the next, and the next.." His lips close to hers, whispering the promise, the whispers fading as he came closer.

She closed her eyes and savored his love through his kiss, for a moment scared of the intensity, then letting herself go. Letting herself be rolled to her back and secured by strong arms. Hot breath on her cheek, mingling with her own. Tears forming in her eyes as their mutual need surfaced. Tears running freely as they sealed the love.

 

 

She hated the fact that he had to go on New Years Eve! What were they thinking? He should be with them and not on his way to some damned lecture overseas, picking up some gadget that could just as easily be sent. It just wasn't fair! Their first new year together and he wouldn't be there! "So in fact it's not our first new year together," she muttered. "I wonder if we ever will get one? Damned them!"

Standing by the window she saw snowflakes starting to fall, the rest of the boys in the kitchen rowdy and happy. Emily's voice trying to placate their mirth and get the work done.

Lou felt mad that she'd be standing alone when the clock struck twelve, she'd be standing there wishing Kid a happy new year. And Kid would be hours away from her.

Hearing him scurrying down the stairs, she walked to meet him, rearranging his muffler that was flapping. Taking her sweet time in winding it around his neck, meticulously and slowly, to keep him warm.

Smiling down at her, he kissed her lips; "I'm so sorry Lou, but I'll be back in two days."

"I know," she smiled encouragingly at him, it wasn't his fault.

"I'll make it up to you, I swear," he sent her one of his more teasing smiles.

"Just don't do anything I wouldn't do," she muttered, "and remember to come back to me."

He laughed and folded his free arm around her, walking her to the front door. Stopping to look at the boys in the kitchen, and shaking his head. "I wonder if the house is gonna stand when I come back?"

Lou chuckled and buried her nose in his warm coat.

"Hey guys, I'm off, take care of Lou for me will ya?" A brief glance in her direction followed by an "omph" as she pinched him.

Hands waving and shouts of 'Happy New Year' and 'Take care's' sailed through the room. Jimmy rose to make some odd signs.

"Yeah, yeah," Kid responded with a grin.

"What?" Lou asked.

"Promised to bring him something," Kid grinned, "but don't ask me what."

"You and your secrets," she didn't want to let go but they were right at the front door and it was cold outside. "Happy New Year Kid!"

He ruffled her hair and kissed her cheek, "I love you Lou. I wish you the best of years, with me."

Then he was out of the door and running to the ASA. She remain at the window, looking as he embarked and the light went from green to red. It rose and she pressed her nose to the window, making it fog. Somebody in the kitchen switched an EA onto public mode. Snapping herself a coat she stepped out to watch him fly away.

The cold outside made the ASA move slower, it took it's sweet time to rise and find the air-layer.

The vehicle high above them, only a small dot in the sky now, moving to the southeast. Slightly unstable in its course.

The sky flared up in green and orange, a thousand stars emerging in the gray sky like a firecracker going off too soon. A sound, like a wail of pain before window shattering thunder. Her fixing point dissolving, it still shone brightly, seeming to sparkle all by itself before it diluted into a pattern standing out sharply against the gray. Then turning pitch black, dispersing further before sinking like in slow-motion. The colors of the winter sky dimming the final flares and the lights going out.

The sound of a door opening behind her. People rushing out. Sharp intakes of breath. A sob from somewhere, a whimpered 'no' a cursed 'what the hell?'.

The snowflakes fell more thickly now, covering his tracks in the snow. The EA played "Auld Lang Syne".

It was 2 hours to 2314.

And Lou stared into the darkness, the silence was complete, the snowflakes falling so thickl now that the visibility was limited to a few feet ahead of the verandah. The cold biting on her cheeks, her hands had somehow gotten a hold of the pole holding up the roof. And she held on to the cold wood, held on to it while her mind whirled and a bile rose in her throat. Every breath she took made her lungs ache, but still she stared to the sky. This wasn't happening, this was a bad bad dream and she wished someone would wake her up because she couldn't take this any longer. The silence turned into a low rumble in her ears, a rumble that grew into a desperate wail, a cry from every cell in her body. And the pain was greater than any pain she'd ever felt before.

 

 

Then like a ghostly echo she heard a voice emerge through the sharp cold air, and the voice she heard had her heart explode into tiny small fragments rushing around her bloodstream, cutting through her like knives. And she had to close her eyes to keep the scream inside.

"Cody! Ya realize what you and that damned goat of yours just cost me?"

It was his voice, it sounded mad, strained and accusing. Accusing them all for sending him out to die on New Year's Eve.

"Ya have any idea what it takes to haul that darned animal back into the barn while it's biting you all the way?" The voice paused, dramatically changing tone as it uttered the following words in a perplexed tone of voice; "What'ya all staring at?"

His voice sounded closer now, so close that if she opened her eyes, she would probably see him. Didn't he realize he was dead, blown to pieces, virtually annulled? Her legs started trembling and the ice in her lungs grew to enfold her entire being. It reached down to the tip of her toes, gripping her in a deadly hold.

Then there was a sound of footsteps rapidly traversing the snow, sending it squeaking. She felt the speed move the air. Then there was a thud and Kid yelped in surprise. "Jimmy? What the..."

Then a cacophony of voices, cries and sobs filled the air. The sounds bounced around in her head, grating her ears, mingling into a sound of unintelligible phrases. A surging roar. The last thing she felt was the packed snow under her cheek.

 

 

Jimmy watched the man he had just tackled into the snow. Never in his entire life had he been madder at him. And said man just looked at him like it was he who had lost his mind. "You could have called us you moron! Modern technology, EAs, you bastard!" He bellowed, and the man he had pinned to the ground opened his mouth to speak. "I'm gettin' tired of you and your incidents, I'm so tired of watching out for you, I could scream!" he continued, shaking the man by his shoulders.

"Son," Teaspoon hauled the raging Hickok off the vet. "You're already screamin'!"

The breathless vet rose to his feet and wiped snow off his face; "Teaspoon, I couldn't let them take off with Belle around. She might have been dragged into the airstreams and gotten hurt, I just missed the ASA! It's not like I killed anybody! I told them I'd take the next ASA, I know what the orders were, I know I'll have to pay but -."

Stunned he staggered backwards as Rachel threw her arms around his neck and cried. Speechless, he watched Noah grip Cody's ears and place a smooch on their Logger's cheek. Ike and Emily still on the porch, clinging to each other, watching him like he were an apparition. Amanda clutching on to Jimmy's shoulders, laughing hysterically. Were they all this drunk already? He had been gone for twenty minutes tops and they all behaved more or less like psychotics.   
"You all drunk?" he started, eyes searching for Lou in the pack of people behaving mighty peculiar. His gaze fell on a still form on the verandah. Fingers clutched around a post, snow falling to cover the dark hair. The sight of her send a jolt of panic through him.

"Lou!" He pushed through the pack, his exclamation stilling them for a moment. Long enough for him to fall to his knees aside her. She was so pale, her skin almost translucent as he draped his arms around her, the shawl had fallen off her, the thin blouse offering no shelter at all from the cold.   
"Come on baby," he breathed against her cold cheek. All his questions evaporated at the sight of her, all he knew that he needed to get her inside. Standing out in the wind like that might drop the body temperature dangerously fast. But her fingers were not loosening the grip around the post. They seemed frozen to the wood, fingertips turning white.

There was frantic movements around him when he got his jacket off and wrapped it around her, stroking the hands to get her to release the grip. "Let go baby, let go, please." But he had to gently bend the fingers open, and not once did she move or make a sound. When he rose to his feet, he looked down on her face and hated every snow flake that dared fall onto her pale skin. Seeming weightless in his hold, her breath ran slow, far too slow. .

He spotted Noah at the door, holding it up, plastic retainers of warmed fluids in a steady grip.

"I told you to look out for her," he wheezed as he walked past Jimmy to the door. Regretting what he had said immediately. But the sight of Lou fallen to the porch, people around her never noticing because of something he obviously had done. And the guilt made him lash out. But a visibly shaken Jimmy met his eyes, nodding acknowledgement at Kid's silent apology.

"Won't happen again, bro."

 

 

The odd sound of beeps filled the darkness and she moved uneasily, finding herself wrapped and restrained. Opening her eyes slowly, unsure to which reality she'd wake, the light blinded her. And she started freezing, the cold made her tremble and her teeth clatter.

"36,3 Celsius," Noah said. "I think we got to her in time! It's just the shock, I hope."

"Brandy, Jimmy gimme that bottle!" Teaspoon ordered.

Then a hand stroke her hair back and she looked up to see Kid's face and the memory punched her right in the pit of her stomach and she coughed the Brandy all over him. The scream inside her reawakened and her body stiffened into a string in his hold while she whimpered helplessly.

"Shh," Kid held on to her, trying to keep her in his lap. "It's okay baby, it's okay. Ev'rythin's gonna be fine Lou, I promise. You'll be fine honey."

Her body reacted to his voice, as usually and she didn't even fight back when Jimmy poured more Brandy down her throat.

"I know Lou," Jimmy nodded. "I wanna whack his head in too. But it's all right, we'll have all the time to do so. Just get better first, all right?"

"Noah?" Kid asked.

"Vitals steady, she's all right. That frostbite is almost gone, we got her in the nick of time, Kid. No worries. I'll remove the line now, she needs to drink something warm and get something to eat."

Jimmy filled another glass. "You know Lou, if it was anybody else, they wouldn't have given a damn about Belle, I would have just gone off. But not Kid, he had to see to it the goat got in safe, I mean... I don't know what I mean.." he paused and looked at the glass he had just filled. The hand holding it shivering violently. "He's lucky, he's damned lucky and I didn't realize it until know. Someone's gotta be looking out for him, there's gotta be someone looking out for him. I can't.." He swallowed the content of the glass rapidly and coughed once. "I needed that," he said, soberly, getting back to the old sarcastic Jimmy. "I reckon you need another one, Lou!"

"Hey!" Kid protested, "you'll get her drunk!"

"I'm here ya know," Lou spoke through clattering teeth. "I'm here and there's no need to..to talk to me....like," she hiccupped, the anger giving in to the dreaded feat once again. "Kid, I can't take this any more, I-I-I just can't!" Tears blurred her vision. "I don't wanna.... I can't be with you...I can't..."

"Lou, I'm so sorry," Kid mumbled to her ear. "I had no idea, I didn't even know the thing exploded, I should'a ...I should have been here, I know that, Lou! I let you down Lou, I'm so sorry. Just don't talk right now baby, save your strength, you almost froze to death out there. You hardly even breathed when I..." he mumbled the last words and Lou felt the dampness on his cheek as he put his head in the crook of her neck and buried his finger in her hair. "I love you, baby."

And she cried, finally the tears came while she clung to his warmth, wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face at his neck. And the steadily pulsing vein answered all the questions she had at this instance. She pressed her cheek closer to the pulse, angry at him for scaring her like that, immensely happy that he still was here. Happy he cared enough about a goat to escape a brutal fate, that he took time to haul a goat into safety. Jimmy was right, there had to be a purpose, maybe this was all meant to be?   
"Never leave me behind Kid," she spoke to his neck, "I wanna be there, right by your side. I wanna meet whatever you meet Kid, never leave me behind!"

"I promise," he answered, meeting with her gaze. The worried look on his face turned into solemn determination and he hugged her closer, draping her in his arms. "I promise," he repeated and dried her tears with the palm of his hand.

It didn't even bother her that they were sitting on the stairs in plain view for everyone and she was clinging to him and crying like a baby. Declaring her love for everyone to hear. Right now that seemed like the natural thing to do. She had changed all right, in so many ways. She wasn't afraid to love any longer, she wasn't afraid to feel. it wouldn't kill her, she was strong enough to take it. Strong enough to take all that it meant to love and be loved. She had come a long way. _But will I ever be strong enough to let go?_

Jimmy seated himself by their side with a sigh. Handing the bottle over to Emma who came over with steaming mugs in her trembling hands. Her face pale. Sam silently pulled a chair and made her sit down, taking over the serving. Teaspoon sat on the chair by the kitchen door, silent. Ike standing with his arms around Emily's waist, making her lean in on him. Rachel's hands shaking as she accepted the mug Sam offered. Noah looking at her until she looked up at him and smiled. Amanda walked up to them, casting a glance at Cody still standing there, hovering over them. She made Jimmy scoot up one step and seated herself on the last step. "You scared the living daylight out of me, both of you!" she admonished them. "Never do that again or I'll ...I'll do something!"

Jimmy laid a hand on her shoulder, "Manda, you all...."

"Don't call me that!" she exploded and Jimmy reached out and pulled her face close to his, examining her. Then he ran his thumb over her cheekbone, teasingly, before he kissed her.

They all laughed as Teaspoon sighed; "I gotta warn that boy, Manda is a bit hard to handle. I must'a forgotten to tell 'im that somewhere along the way."

Cody chimed in with general observations of how to handle women. That led to ulterior moans from the females and helpless laughter from the men. The Brandy traveled around once again and everybody's tongue loosened. Soon there was the usual mocking and battering going around.

Then the clock struck twelve but nobody noticed. It was 2314 - and life continued.


End file.
